Episode 4: Social Experiments against Extraneous Supernaturals
Episode 4
> To the Fourth Floor!
- Shuji: Hey! Remember that other prick I was telling you about? Turns out it's actually Gaara.
- Akihiko: How you doiiiin'?
- Yukari: *hiss*
- Mitsuru: Down, girl.
- Shuji: Hey! A day's actually made up of more than 24 hours!
- Naoka: ...Dude, you just went full retard.
- Mitsuru: Nah, remember the massive coffins you saw on your way here? Those were totally real and we were laughing at you.
- Naoka: Oh thank god, I thought it was just the— Well, erm, continue.
- Shuji: So, during this hidden hour—
- Mitsuru: Seriously? We talked about that name...
- Shuji: No, you talked, and I ignored it because I'm your boss.
- Akihiko: So then every day pretty much huge-ass monsters come out at night, and we slap them so they don't eat anyone.
- Yukari: I had a fever dream like that once! Only all the monsters had the faces of cows.
- Naoka: ...
- Akihiko: ...
- Shuji: Moving on! Normal people can't do shiz during the hidden hour, so it's up to us.
> A silver case is opened, to show a gleaming gun inside.
- Shuji: You in?
- Mitsuru: It's the only way you'll live at night.
- Akihiko: Now or never, girl. Pick the gun up.
- Naoka: WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY A MAFIA MOVIE?
- The Older Members: Dooo eeeeet
- Yukari: Hey, loosen up! Don't get me wrong, it'd be nice if she joined, but...
- Naoka: Eh, I'm in.
- Yukari: Seriously?
- Naoka: It is literally on the back of the game's box; I'm gonna be railroaded into this one way or another.
- Shuji: Oi! Leave that poor fourth wall alone! Oh, and please sleep in the same room, since your real one won't be needed if you're hanging with us.
> Animation no Jutsu!
- Voice: Thou art I, and I art thou... For hanging out with these guys, you are blessed with the Fool Arcana level one...
- Naoka: Oh god, Igor wasn't kidding?
SEES Social Link Level 1!
> Bedtime!
- Kyuboy: Except not!
- Naoka: GAH
- Kyuboy: Spoiler alert — you're all totally screwed! Except even I don't know what kind this doom takes, because subtlety in foreshadowing is for wimps!
- Naoka: Is it the eyes? I bet it's the eyes.
> Tuesday, 21st July. On the way to school...
- Yukari: Phew! Lemme tell ya, I was scared of working together with Mitsuru. But now you're there! Yay!
> During class...
- Yukari: Hey.
- Yukari: Hey Naoka.
- Yukari: You so f—
- Mitsuru: Suspend all social interaction! Lounge after school! I'm busy and important!
- Naoka: I think she's on edge about something.
- Yukari: ...Where else would we go?
- Junpei: HAY GUYZ
> To the strip mall!
- Naoka: WAIT WHAT
- Yukari: No, silly. About earlier... I-It's not like I don't like her, or anything...
- Naoka: My god, it's a reverse tsundere.
- Yukari: Ignore that, let's gossip about how creepy Junpei is!
- Naoka: I am filled with slight disapproval. ...Continue.
> Command room!
- Mitsuru: My bitch-stable of people who will do my jobs for me has grown!
- Akihiko: So, we were gonna pace this out better, but the guy's suffered enough and we don't want to mess that up.
- Junpei: Awww yeah, the Iori train is chugging down the world!
- Junpei: Wait, shit. God, first badass line in the game and I screw it up...
- Yukari: Wait, I thought this was a girl's club!
- Akihiko: Beg pardon?!
- Mitsuru: You're bishie enough to count, she means.
- Akihiko: Well... erm, thanks?
- Akihiko: Anyway, I found him on the streets at night.
- Yukari: What the hell was he doing?
- Junpei: Crying, mostly.
- Yukari: YOU ARE NOT MAKING THIS BETTER FOR YOURSELF.
- Junpei: Hey, aren't you glad a guy's joined the team?
- Yukari: Huh? Uh... yeeeeaah, sure.
> Enter Mister Punsalot!
- Shuji: Cut this high school club shit out, we got a doom castle to explore!
- Shuji: Ignore the name Tartarus, it's totally not symbolic of anything.
- Naoka: Well, shit, glad you said that, since my lone badass facet is named after the person who mythologically got stuck in there FOREVER.
- Shuji: It's like a random dungeon to level-grind at!
- Akihiko: Let's all go to school! And you can't come, Shuji!
- Shuji: Aww.
> Wouldn't it be cool if school was an eldritch castle filled with mysteries? No, Mrs Rowling, we really didn't mean to phrase it like that. Please call the lawyers off.
- Naoka: This is slightly more metal than I was expecting school to be.
- Mitsuru: This here's Tartarus, in case you didn't know.
- Junpei: What the hell's going on?
- Akihiko: Yeah, becuse we totally know exactly what's going on here. That's why we're sending you guys in to see shit we already know about.
> Into the tower through the totally-there front door that isn't on the art!
- Naoka: Anyone else getting Kingdom Hearts vibes?
- Everyone Else: Me.
- Mitsuru: Also, we'll need a leader to spearhead you three. I'm on mission control duty—
- Akihiko: —And I'm still wounded, so let's make a balanced and careful decision as to who's going to lead you.
- Everyone: HAHAHAHAHA
- Mitsuru: Yeah, nah, Naoka's the protagonist, so she's in charge.
- Junpei: But she's a giiiiirrrrl. You know, with cooties.
- Yukari: Nobody cares, Junpei.
> But suddenly, a door is there, and the plot token of the moment is glowing!
- Naoka: Huh. Maybe I should check that out at a less busy mome—
> The key is sucked into the door and you step through.
- Naoka: DAMMIT
- Igor: Hiiii theeeere...
- Naoka: Not you again.
- Igor: Allow me to assure you that the plot will explain everything about Tartarus in due time, leaving no space for fanfiction whatsoever.
- Naoka: So how did I get here again?
- Igor: You're like the number zero.
- Naoka: ...Pardon?
- Igor: I'm saying that you're like a Fool.
- Naoka: No, you are the fool!
- Igor: Woman, did you not notice the number on the card that glowed when you had your first support group meeting?
- Igor: Also, I'm not some creep who lives in a space-time anomaly.
- Naoka: That's a plus, at le—
- Igor: I'm a creep who lives in a space-time anomaly with an attractive young girl!
- Naoka: Dammit, Japan.
- Elizabeth: 'Ello, bird. Wot's the news?
- Naoka: Blimey, you're offensively British.
> Back with the marginally less creepy group that is currently in Tartarus...
- Naoka: Blimey... Blimey... Bli— Ah! How long have you been standing there?
- Yukari: You okay? You kinda started drooling and staring blankly.
- Mitsuru: Yes, like there was a place that her mind went, but her body didn't.
- Naoka: Actually, I—
- Junpei: Probably just getting the sleep she missed out on in class.
- Mitsuru: Sounds about right, you slacker.
- Naoka: But I-
- Mitsuru: I've looked at your pause menu, young lady.
- Naoka: F*cking bad initial stats.
Short 'n Sweet Version: The monster-hunting group with the worst acronym in the world (excluding of course the Friendly Assistance aGainst Shoggoths club) assembles and discovers that their school has turned into a demonic, soul-sucking pit of terror. No change there, fnarr, fnarr. Also, the stoner who lives beyond time and space has acquired custody of his estranged granddaughter.
