Episode 3: How To Commit Suicide And Have It Yield A Net Positive Result.
Episode Three
When last we left our heroine, she listened to a teacher rant about learnings for an hour to spite her friend. Oh, and she met a guy with a really long nose.
> Sleepy-time! OH GOD THAT CLOCK AGAIN.
> In a 'certain' room at the dormitory... (Man, that is starting to tick me the wrong way.)
- Shuji: We're still watching her sleep!
- Mitsuru: This is the worst invasion of privacy that's occured in Animeland in the last four seconds.
- Yukari: We're doing the right thing, though! ...Right?
- Shuji: Oh, you silly girl and your concerns about ethics.
> Telephone ring ring ring!
- Mitsuru: Akihiko, did you get caught in your zipper again?
- Akihiko: I'm bringing the party to you!
- Monster: ROOOOOOOOAR!
- Yukari: ...I don't see how that's a party.
> The Foyer
- Akihiko: We gotta bail out, this thing's way too big!
- Mitsuru: WHY DID YOU CALL US DOWN HERE THEN YOU PRICK
- Mitsuru: Yukes, get Miss Sleepy-head up and bail out!
- Shuji: Why does she get to get outta here...?
> Naoka's Room
- Naoka: Hmm. That loud noise was probably just a squirrel.
- Naoka: And that banging on my door probably just a breeze.
- Yukari: WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND MONSTERS
- Naoka: That's not right! Wait.. Yukari?
- Yukari: I don't have time to explain, we just need to get out of here!
- Naoka: ...Eh, sure. I'm open-minded.
- Yukari: What? Look, just follow! Also have a long, thin item!
- Naoka: Well, hey, cool, if that's what you're into...
- Yukari: folo
- Naoka: k lol
> To the back door!
- Naoka: Look (huff) if you (huff) keep running (huff) I'll be too (huff) tired to—
- Yukari: The Mitsuru that lives in my head has informed me that this way out isn't safe! Quick, to the rooftop!
- Naoka: say wat
> Once there...
- Yukari: Door's locked; nothing's getting up here.
- Naoka: Oh-ho-ho, I see now. Ah, Yukari, you had me confused for a second there...
- Yukari: ?
- Naoka: Hee~ No need to worry, sweet. Come hither and be held to my b—
- Monster: HIII GUUUYS!
- Naoka: OH GOD WHAT
- Yukari: It climbed up?
- Naoka: WHY ARE YOU NOT MORE HORRIFIED IT HAS LIKE SIX SWORDS
- Yukari: That's what we call a Shadow! urgh... Time to summon mine...
- Naoka: WHAT IS GOING ON
> Activating Cutscene Mode!
- Yukari: I'm going to shoot myself with this gun!
- Naoka: WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT AND HOW WILL THAT HELP
- Monster: Ah-ha! No suicide on my watch, missy! Eat burnination!
- Yukari: Oh god, fire!
- Naoka: WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
- Naoka: Uhh... Yukari... You can get up anytime, you know... Yukari...? Aw, crap...
- Naoka: Well, at least I didn't have to deal with the hot springs episode. Suicide, hoooooo—
- Monster B: Ho there, evildoer! Prepare to be punished in the name of the moon for attacking my mast—
- Naoka: *faints*
- Monster A: ...
- Monster B: You fiend! Taste my arbitrary transformation into something Sephiroth would cosplay as for Halloween!
- Monster A: My limbs! No! They're my favourite appendages!
> In the control room...
- Everyone: da fuq
> On the rooftop...
- Naoka: Oh yeah... Now, go lower... Lower...
- Monster B: I transformed back, master!
- Naoka: Gah! Who are you and how much did you hear?
- Orpheus: I am literally the expression of yourself as a badass.
- Naoka: ...So how much did you hear?
- Yukari: Oh boy, I wonder what happened!
- Naoka: wait, you're still alive?
- Yukari: I can't hear you over the sound of me tempting fate!
- The Bloody Remnants Of Monster A: GORRRRR
- Fate: Suck it.
- Naoka: Son of a—
- Yukari: Oh no! A part of the monster is moving towards me! If only there were a hero to help me out!
- Yukari: Um... A-any time now?
- Naoka: Call it karma for making me run up all those stairs.
- Yukari: Naoka!
- Naoka: Yeah, yeah, fine. Don't see how I can do much that isn't killing myself at it...
Oh, what's this? A control scheme? Characters standing around? TURN-BASED COMBAT?! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a good three episodes into the game and we finally have proper gameplay!
- Naoka: Hmm... Well, I like bashing, so I'm just going to select that and WHY AM I SHOOTING MYSELF?
- Orpheus: Ka-hit!
- Cowardly Maya 1: Ow!
- Naoka: WHY IS THIS WORKING
> Level up Get!
- Naoka: Well, at least that's more stan— Academics: 'Slacker'? Charm: 'Plain'? Courage: 'Timid'? WELL FUCK YOU TOO GAME.
> Back from the parallel dimension where the battle stake place...
- Naoka: Hey, that was actually kinda fun. I reckon I could go fight a few more Shad—
> You feel exhaus—
- Naoka: No, I don't, game.
> You feel e—
- Naoka: No, n— game. I'm warning you.
> You feel exh—
- Naoka: GAME. CUT THAT SHIT OUT.
> You fell asleep.
- Naoka: I hate you.
- Yukari: Oh no! Time to try and wake her even though I only just woke from unconciousness myself!
> Back in the 'Velvet Room'...
- Igor: Hello!
- Naoka: Thank goodness I'm an atheist, or I'd be question what kind god would curse someone with a nose like that.
- Igor: Oh, you're an atheist?
- Naoka: Eh... yeah?
- Igor: HAHAHAHAHA
- Naoka: ...Yeah, atheism usually requires reinforcement in a JRPG.
- Igor: Persona is a power that in an extension of your personality, hence the name! Hooking up with lots of different people will give buffs to all sorts of different Personas!
- Naoka: Huh. A game that rewards infidelity. Whaddaya know?
> TIMESKIP NO JUTSU
> Monday 20th June
- Naoka: I SLEPT HOW LONG?
> Suprisingly, this isn't an exaggeration made by the author, prick that he is. We're at the hospital!
- Naoka: (Wait... white ceiling after a battle where I only won because I went Berserk...?)
- Naoka: (Oh god, please tell me I'm not supposed to be Shinji.)
- Yukari: I WAS TOTALLY NOT WATCHING YOU SLEEP
- Naoka: Aaaand we're back in my life.
- Yukari: Hey, the doctor said you weren't ill, just knackered.
- Naoka: Yes, people who've had a hard day often fall into fortnight-long comas.
- Yukari: You really kicked ass! ..Sorry I couldn't help more...
- Naoka: I was attempting suicide, but it worked out in the end! Clearly, more people should kill themselves at problems!
- Yukari: Well, uh... Listen, can I confess something?
- Naoka: ?
- Yukari: I... have to be honest here. I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now... I'm sorta like you.
- Naoka: Wha— Oh. Ooooh.
- Yukari: ...Why are you grinning? Erm, I'm sorry about not telling you earlier—
- Naoka: *places finger on Yukari's lips* Shhhh... I understand. I forgive you. I think.. I'm ready to give things a go with you.
- Yukari: ...I can't help but think we're not on the same level here.
- Yukari: So anyway, my dad died in an explosion somewhere here and I think that a schoolgirl will succeed where the police didn't!
- Naoka: I can't tell if you're serious or just changing the subject.
- Yukari: OH SHIT SCHOOL I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT
- Yukari: Oh, and... you don't have to be formal with me. Best friends need to stick together, after all. Bye!
- Naoka: ...
- Naoka: Did I just get friendzoned?
> Back to the educational grind!
- Junpei: Hey, gurl!
- Naoka: Say it like that again and I will turn you into one.
- Junpei: I can't hear you over to sound of my seeecreeeeet~ which I can't tell you abooouuuut~.
- Yukari: Your glee and enthusiasm fills me with disgust.
- Junpei: Hey, you two arrived seperately today. Is it because of the rumours if you arrive together?
- Naoka: Nah, I'm in the friendzone.
- Junpei: Ooh, harsh. My sympathies.
- Yukari: I don't get it. Also, clear off, Junpei, I need some time alone.
> Junpei goes away.
- Yukari: So, you feeling better?
- Naoka: Well, I'm starting to get over y—
- Yukari: ...Naoka. *blush*
- Yukari: Also Shuji wants to talk to you later bye.
- Naoka: ...
- Naoka: I am so confused right now.
> Actual Learnination Time!
- Mr. Oh God No: So, mammoths are all a bunch of pricks, yup-yup. Rocks suck too, yup-yup.
- Naoka: WHO LETS THESE PEOPLE TEACH
- Mr. Oh God No: Oi, Junpei, we all hate you, yup-yup. What did people live in after the Stone Age?
- Junpei: Uhhhhhhh..
- Naoka: Seriously? It was mud huts, and not caves.
- Junpei: Not caves!
- Mr. Oh God No: You disappoint me, yup-yup.
> School is over for the day...
- Naoka: I'm not going to try this time, I know what's going to happen if I try.
- Naoka: …
- Naoka: …
- Naoka: Then again, I vaguely remember Junpei talking about clu—
> You decided to go back early.
- Naoka: HELLBISCUITS
And there, we break, because this is starting to approach Scroll Of Doom length in terms of page size!
VOTE: Obviously, there's going to be a choice between generally snoozing in class or staying awake. So, your next choice is to pick out which option will be the default for Naoka to use! Points will be awarded for inventiveness and solid argumentation.
Short 'n Sweet Version: Naoka kills herself at things and it works, while her dormmates contine to watch her sleep. Yukari takes over sleep-watching duties when Naoka's sent to the hospital and Junpei has a seeekrit.
Comments
phoenixdaughterAM
Since: Dec, 1969
Sep 26th 2012 at 10:06:58 AM
Default? ALWAYS STAY AWAKE AND SOAK UP THOSE ACADEMIC POINTS!
Heh. Hot Springs Episode. It will come. Near the end of the game.
