The Backstory
Love it or hate it, The Hills was one of the more...interesting reality programs. You just didn't know whether or not it's scripted, for one. Secondly, it followed the misadventures (and I use that term very loosely) of Laguna Beach reality starlet Lauren Conrad (later replaced by Kristin Cavallari) and her friends as she moved to Los Angeles.
One of the main stars, aside from Lauren and Kristin, is the subject of this installment, Heidi Montag. She appeared in the first five seasons and the first four episodes of the sixth, leaving because her husband, Spencer Pratt, threatened to kill a producer. His behavior went from bad to worse, and the Pratts were removed from the show completely.
During her time on The Hills, Montag expressed an interest of singing. She released an album called Superficial (how fitting) in 2010, and that got negative reception. The song that we're going to be covering is a promo single that never made it to the album.
You see, promo singles are pretty common. It gets the feel of the album that the musician or band is making at the time. It's up to them as to whether or not it makes it to the album itself. From what this song's like...whether or not it's a good thing this never made it to the album is up to you.
Follow along as we suffer through "Higher" together!
The Review
So the song begins with Heidi dancing around at the beach. For the record, this is pretty much three minutes of...whatever the hell she's doing, so I'm not liveblogging the music video.
The actual song begins with...static? Lots of static and a piano. Yeah, I have no idea why there needs to be static, but...
Then we get some techno. Say what you will about dubstep, but it would provide a slightly better alternative. Actually, it kinda sounds like a precursor to dubstep, but what the hell, it's catchy.
Thirty-three seconds in...Heidi sings, and dear God. In that higher-toned, airheaded voice, it pretty much destroys anything good in the song.
Okay, I'll try to examine the theme. My guess is that "Higher" is all about following your dreams, no matter how you get there. Or it could be all about her bragging about herself and all the different ways you (yes, you) can go higher. Like the cliched "spread your wings and fly".
Of course, that message is not really supported all that much with Heidi swapping different focuses. First, she sings about herself, then in the "chorus"...
- "Go ahead and let it outDon't be afraid to flyFly high, reaches past the sky"
...she wants you to feel like you're going higher. Unless...
Oh. Oh, my God. I think I practically found some Fridge Horror. Perhaps this song's about how she is going higher, and you are just her servant of sorts, taking her there. So she is bragging about herself!
And the worst part? We're not done yet.
So we get the second part of the lyrics, and...
- "I feel the energyI'm breaking the boundariesThere's nothing next to meI look up and obviouslyIt's like I found the lease"
Okay, what the fuck? "It's like I found the lease"? I'm pretty damn sure that the sky doesn't even have a lease. Or any houses. (In real life, anyway. If we're talking about fiction, then I may concede.)
Also, you're breaking boundaries. Yeah, Yukari Yakumo called, she wants her boundaries back and repaired, kthnx.
And that doesn't even cover a lot of the painful rhymes in this song!
Also. "They're searching for the me"? What the hell does that have to do with finding a fucking "lease"? Oh, wait, apparentally that lets her find a key, and she's offering to open the door for us. Yeah, thanks, Heidi, but I think I'll pass.
We get the chorus and bridge, which consists of her repeating "Higher" over and over again. And getting even more off-key as she does so. Holy shit. Unfortunately, the bridge is the catchiest part as far as the melody goes, even with the clapping.
And here she goes again with the chorus! It's like she ran out of stuff to write about, so she just slapped the chorus! Twice!
Finally, we reach the last set of lyrics, and man she sounds completely tone-deaf. And she sings about how some power set her free. Okay, so what was the entire fucking point of using us to let you go higher?
- "Am I dreaming?"
Yes. NOW WAKE UP.
The song ends with the static noises. Creepy as fuck this time around.
Final Thoughts of the Song
Hoo boy, where to begin?
Well...the melody here is slightly decent, sometimes overpowering Heidi's voice. And sometimes her singing overpowers the music, which isn't a good thing, considering how off-key she sounded.
That's not including the amount of painful rhymes, the theme, and...well, do I really have to say that it sucks? It's actually worse than "Doctor in Distress", and for all of that song's faults, at least it had several decent singers!
And what became of Heidi after that debacle? Well, she performed at the 2009 Miss America pageants, failing at that, and then she released her CD, "Superficial", to overwhelmingly negative reviews. She even cried when she received negative reviews and ridicule of this song. Since then, it's been said that she and Spencer were bankrupt.
And that's all that needs to be said about the case.
Next up is "Oxygen", another charity single. Will my sanity start to slip then?
Find out next time on the livelistening to various songs!
