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Pannic2012-07-29 18:11:20

So, this chapter of Romance Reports is longer than the last two. 8.7k. And the chapter after that is 12k. The chapters are getting longer.

Fuck.

Anyway, this chapter is titled "Some Months Earlier..." and it begins with Rainbow Dash being woken up by Rarity, and...

This is a flashback scene. But the narration is still in present tense. Because that makes sense, and... wait.

Anyway, Rarity is waking Rainbow Dash up because she wants to thank her again for saving her life in the events of Sonic Rainboom. She offers to take Rainbow Dash anywhere she wants, so the latter decides she wants to go out to a pub.

So they go to the pub, and haw haw Rarity can't take the low class blah blah. And then Rainbow Dash finds herself thinking about Gilda... no.

Blah blah blah, they sit down at a table on the side, Rainbow Dash goes onto the dance floor, dances with another mare, spots Rarity chatting up some guy who can't keep eye contact because he's ogling her, and after some more dancing Dash returns to the table but she missed the guy and they start talking about

Oh no we're going into a "hey I'd like to bang that one" conversation. Rainbow Dash decides to go chat one of the stallions up, blah blah blah Rarity is confused because Rainbow Dash likes both guys and girls. Y'know, I'm really getting fucking sick about how every other scene with Rainbow Dash is "HEY I'M BISEXUAL."

And now Rarity is going all self-pitying and Rainbow Dash is thinking of Gilda again. Blah blah blah "we are what we are and not what everypony thinks we are."

And they start drinking. Blah blah blah. They loosen up, Rainbow Dash is starting to enjoy her time with Rarity. There's actually a neat little method of writing here where we get snippets of the conversation broken up by Rainbow Dash's thoughts about how much fun they're having.

Anyway, they have fun and party until the bar closes.

Blah blah blah we get the "I had a good time tonight and you're a really good friend and I like you" thing that in stories tends to always lead to sex and stuff. And Rainbow Dash ponders about the filly from earlier and how she'd kinda just broken that off because she was resigned to spending another night alone, and then Rainbow Dash kisses Rarity. And Rarity is confused and Rainbow Dash is all

No

No

No

No

No

No no no

NO

This is stupid. She's pretty much all but saying "let's have sex" and oh bullshit. Littlepip and Homage is less out of nowhere than this, and that's saying something.

So they kiss and bullshit bullshit bullshit "I'm not gay" fuck you story fuck you fuck you fuck you Fuck you fuck you funk you this is stupid.

Rarity totally isn't gay but she likes the kissing and Rainbow Dash continues and Rarity says she isn't gay again and Dash continues with "hey just because we have sex doesn't mean gay" YES IT DOES YOU IDIOTS.

Now Rarity is all "I KISSED A MARE!" and bullshit bullshit bullshit Rarity compliments her on her wings and starts touching them and Dash thinks of Gilda...

Oh no, this is another one of those things where wings are an erogenous zone.

"Wing-gasm." This is a story that contains the word WING-GASM.

And now all of a sudden Rarity gets cold feet because... she wants her first time to be special and she doesn't think she has a real connection.

And now hissy fit and

HOW DOES THIS FUCKING NARRATION WORK?

... And it ends with Rainbow Dash leaving and Rarity going "thanks again for saving my life."

This... this just might be the worst thing I've ever read in this fandom.

Comments

Sessalisk Since: Dec, 1969

Aug 20th 2012 at 11:08:58 PM

I just picked up the story at the insistence of a friend. I don't have much to say about everything else, since I agree with a lot of the stuff you said here. The things I do disagree with are mostly subjective as well*

For instance, some people find alliteration hilarious. I am definitely not one of them.

. I enjoy stupidly lewd, disgusting and inappropriate jokes a lot more than most people, because I'm about as mature as a glass bottle of grape juice. I understand that the vast majority of people would just be horrified by the things I find funny.

On the other hand.

"Rarity totally isn't gay but she likes the kissing and Rainbow Dash continues and Rarity says she isn't gay again and Dash continues with "hey just because we have sex doesn't mean gay" YES IT DOES YOU IDIOTS."

That just comes off as kind of bigoted - it's narrow minded, or inaccurate at the very least. It's clearly possible for someone to be a closet bisexual, and it's also possible for someone to experiment and find out that they don't actually like the same sex very much. To put that into more context, you could be like the gayest person in the world and only have relations with people of the opposite sex, and you might never be attracted to any of the people you're dating or fucking. It happens.

I'm not sure why the same can't be true the other way around, unless you're specifically defining a "gay" person as "any person who has ever had consensual intercourse with another member of the same sex, ever". I mean, clearly that's a pretty gay act right there, but it doesn't mean that the person is necessarily gay, any more than screwing around with the opposite sex means you're a straight person.