So, Fallout Equestria has its own clopfic thing. Even aside from that, we have Littlepip generously informing us every time she's horny, and she freaks out when she's in a memory orb because the dude has an erection. Romance Reports is, of course, porn. My point is that the stories I read seem to have a bit of a Too-Much-Information problem in that category. To wit, the next chapter of The Unepxected Love Life of Dusk Shine explains that Spike's "Royal Business" in Canterlot is his yearly neutering.
No, seriously.
Dusk Shine and Trixie are at the library when Applejack and Rarity bust in, needing a place to stay due to the storm. Dusk is thrilled at the prospect of having three pretty girls in his house, so he declares a slumber party.
If you guessed that catfights were going to break out, you'd be right. Though rather than the actual episode's shtick of pitting Applejack's messy "country" sensibilities against Rarity's "prim and proper"-ness, here it largely amounts to the girls bickering over Dusk. And Rarity insinuating that Applejack is having sex with Big Macintosh. Classy.
They then go to Truth or Dare, which...
You know, I read this a while ago, and I'm looking at it again to write this. It's amazing how much I forget about it in that time. To wit:
“Very well,” said Rarity. “Then answer this truthfully: Who was it that took your virginity, and what was it like?”
Out of a sense of decency, I will spare you Applejack's answer.
Then when it's Trixie's turn, it segues into her delivering her backstory, wherein she's the fourteenth of sixteen siblings. Her father is a famous magician that Dusk Shine goes into a raging fanboy slobber over. Trixie finds this kind of creepy. Said fanboying is also the reason she gives for her father changing his name and retiring.
Then they go onto "dare" and you're familiar with the shtick - Rarity stands in the rain (and of course, her wet mane turns Dusk on), and Applejack puts on a frou-frou dress.
Then Applejack dares Dusk to put on Trixie's outfit, which really rubs Trixie the wrong way, and then we get a dare catfight that culminates in Trixie daring Applejack to make out with Dusk for twenty seconds, which causes Applejack to blurt out that she had a much longer make-out session earlier, and knowing Rarity...
Fuck. Two more chapters of this arc to go.
And the next chapter starts with Dusk finding himself very turned on by Rarity and Applejack's scuffle.
Sorry, I just almost gave up for a second there.
So once Trixie breaks up the catfight - notice that Dusk is a pretty dang passive character in this story - they move onto ghost stories.
For Trixie's story, the text links to another thing on fimfiction - "Legend of the Brony." Let's not and say we did.
Rarity saying "eldritch abomination." Odd thought. Also, people don't talk in tropes.
Anyway, Dusk moves onto his story, which is... um... you know that downloadable independent Slenderman game? He basically explains that. No, seriously, he gives the rules and premise of the Slender game. This freaks out the other girls, and Slenderpony, who has been standing outside the window, admits that it gave him the willies.
One chapter left.
Smore-making. Also, jokes about Rarity being a marshmallow. Man, and I thought Fallout Equestria went overboard with the memes. Which it does, with throwing "20%" into every other end-chapter perk description. Actually, the story doesn't linger on this, or on Rarity and Applejack's bedding scuffle. Nope, it gets that out of the way very quickly, to get to the real point here: Rarity slipping into Dusk's bed.
She puts a soundproof bubble around the bed and bemoans that it isn't fair that Applejack and Luna got to kiss him first. As such, she proceeds to kiss him herself.
You know, it's fun, when reading this, to rank the creepiness of the attraction each of the girls has to Dusk.
Luna, as Nightmare Moon, tried to rape him. She also continues to call him the "royal boyfriend."
Applejack, Fluttershy, and Trixie have come off as comparatively sane, apart from Applejack hitting him when he said "I didn't mean it when I said you had gorgeous eye," Fluttershy starting to go into an elaborate sex fantasy, and Trixie putting a tramp stamp on his flank.
Pinkie Pie, however, has that crazy alternate personality shtick that only seems to be sated when Pinkie is happy, which is when Dusk returns her affections.
Rarity, of course, has repeatedly sexually harassed him and is dead-set on him being her Prince Charming.
And Rainbow Dash, well... you'll see that in the next three chapters. Boy, is that gonna be...
Not that I'm mad or anything. It's still kind of funny when I turn my brain off and just enjoy the dumb crap.
Anyway, after Dusk and Rarity make out but before Rarity can bone him, Trixie slips into the bed. Her intention is to keep the other girls away from him. The lightning, of course, freaks Trixie out, and she proceeds to snuggle with Dusk. Rarity can't take this, however, and then a massive pillow-fight ensues with all three girls.
That ends, however, when the lightning strikes the nearby tree as in the episode, and Applejack lassos it, causing it to crash into the house. And then...
“So?”
“So, shouldn’t it have absorbed the lightning bolt?” With that, the crashed tree branch disappeared in a puff of logic. The bedroom returned to normal, the window looked like it was never opened, and the tree outside was even intact.
“…What just happened?” asked Trixie, breaking the most awkward silence ever.
“I have no idea,” said Dusk, confused as everypony else. “I was just pointing out a detail. Did I just accidentally correct something reality itself temporarily forgot?”
I'm not exactly the most scientifically-studious person ever, but I don't think lightning rods work that way...
And Dusk finds himself sleeping on the couch at the end, at which point he decides never to have a slumber party again. Leave that to the foals.
