Alright, now back to something that anyone gives a shit about. Chapter 21 of Fallout Equestria. This one is important as it introduces a new enemy faction and gives the hero her real main goal. Also, you know how I've been saying "ooh, the story's actually good now?" Eh...
I apologize for the delay. I hit a particular sore spot that caused me to go into an overly-wordy rant, but I’ll axe that rant and just go “this is fucking stupid,” allowing me to proceed.
Now, first, to make things more fun, I have concocted a drinking game for this fanfic. It is as follows:
- Take a shot every time Littlepip is outraged about something
- Take a shot every time Littlepip comments on another female character being attractive
- Take a shot every time a character delivers exposition
- Take a shot every time Velvet is inept
- Take a shot every time the narration does a weird interjection
- Take a shot every time a line from the show is used
- Take a shot every time a meme is used
- Take two shots every time “facehoof” or “okie dokie-lokie” is used
- Take a shot every time a "Luna fuck me with the moon" or something similar is used
- Take a shot every time a victim that Littlepip saves is female
- Take another shot if she's saving her from a male assailant
- Take another shot if rape is involved
- Take another shot if she's saving her from a male assailant
- Take a shot every time a good guy murders someone
- Take a shot every time someone praises the protagonist
- Take a shot every time a baddie acts cartoonishly evil
Before I get to the actual chapter proper, I should like this: Story, I had a reason for skipping chapter 20.5. I have not at any point cared about Littlepip's lesbiangst, I don't really care about Homage, and I definitely don't care about what the two of them do with a double-ended dildo. So, Littlepip, you can stop giggling about how you got laid and how Homage gave you multiple orgasms. Add this to the ever-growing list of reasons why this narration is terrible.
Also, I don't know how many times I can bear to see "facehoof" or "Okie Dokie Lokie" again before I put my fist through the screen. Take two shots.
So our chapter picks up right where the last one left off: Spike! He’s got a big dragon cave with big dragon treasure and stuff, but before he lets the group in, he has one condition: Racist Zombie has to stay outside.
Littlepip’s narration has her wondering about how Homage would feel about SteelHooves murdering that one dude and then lying about it on her radio show. I find myself wondering “is Littlepip gonna do anything about that whole thing?” I asked and the answer I got was that this really doesn’t ever come up again. I guess it figures, as she’s demonstrated (and will continue to demonstrate) that she has absolutely no problem with murder as long as it happens to dudes she doesn’t like.
The other three get acquainted with the cave, and then Littlepip angrily demands to know what Spike is doing sitting on his ass in a cave while the world around him is utter shit. Take a shot.
You know, at first I was all “Oh great, Littlepip is lapsing back into good old self-righteousness again, woo,” but now that I think about it I think about things like the elves in Eragon or the druids in The Girl Who Lived, who really just sat on their asses in the forest and condescended to everyone while doing absolutely nothing.
So Spike takes her aside to disclose his most important secret, making her swear not to tell the others and asking the others if they trust her, which of course they do. At Velvet’s vote of confidence (because of Stockholm Syndrome, I think) Littlepip notes that she finds herself feeling an irrational twinge of pain at Velvet’s earlier betrayal. Honestly, Littlepip’s been way worse to Velvet than the other way around. I mean, the worst Velvet did to Littlepip was flirt with her and force an intervention. Littlepip has nearly gotten her killed on a few occasions. The balance does not bode well for Our Hero. Also, as the party members have yet again chipped in their faith on the protagonist, take a shot.
Anyway, Spike reveals he has a Crusader Mainframe, and now we get the reveal about the Gardens of Equestria, which are apparently going to be the main goal for the rest of this story. Basically, the way the Gardens works is get the elements of harmony together, activate it, and no more radiation or taint in Equestria. However, from my understanding this isn’t actually resolved in the actual story proper, just as a detail told to the audience during the epilogue, or is it the afterwards? Eh. Also, take a shot for exposition on the Gardens of Equestria, the Single Pegasus Project, and the towers.
Well, in any case, Spike has a much better reason for being isolationist than the two things I mentioned earlier. And he actually kinda does shit.
Littlepip feels bad for him about the whole losing his friends deal, as the memory she was giving him was the last time he and his friends were happy together, and it turns out he slept through the apocalypse. So, she decides to cheer them up by getting Calamity and Velvet together with him around a campfire to allow him to wax about the olden days, and by that I mean talk about stuff from the show. Talks about Winter Wrap-Up and how the earth ponies had it harder so they were the technological innovators. Well, Lauren Faust commented on Deviantart once, regarding more “modern” technology, that she figures it was unicorns who came up with those and enchanted them. I’d say “take a shot,” but this is more about explaining a detail we’ve seen, so whatever.
Anyway, then SteelHooves comes in and Spike gets all mad, but it turns out that some Enclave soldiers have followed them, and they want to arrest Calamity. And…
And...
Take a shot. Also, this is fucking stupid.
Anyway, this is our introduction to the Enclave, and it’s not really impressive. Of course, they won’t show up again for several chapters. Basically the gist is they show up, act like a bunch of cartoonish jerks (take a shot). One of them tries to bribe Spike with gems from the reward money, to which Spike responds by casually murdering her. Take a shot.
This also strikes me as pretty stupid on Spike’s part – you’re guarding the world’s one chance at recovery, and you directly attack the leading military force up there. Why give them a reason to go after you by murdering one of them? Then again, the Enclave is apparently a fucking joke, so I guess that’s as good an explanation as any.
Anyway, blah blah chase scene. Littlepip thinks she knows where the element of laughter is: Derpy! Anyway, Littlepip meets up with her, we get a brief appearance by Silver Bell, blah blah blah.
They head off to Fillydelphia in their Sky Bandit ship, and Littlepip asks SteelHooves about what happened to Fluttershy. He says there are a number of theories – suicide, killed by nuke… walked into Everfree Forest and turned into a tree. Take a fucking shot.
Then there’s an audio recording with a thing with Gilda and Rainbow Dash. At the end they recite that Junior Speedsters cheer.
On that note:
Unless it grew a tune somewhere in this backstory, “harmony” is not an applicable word. It’s completely spoken. You don’t have harmony in music if you don’t have fucking notes. That’s what “harmony” means – you have differences in pitch or notation or melody between two simultaneous lines. Also, take a shot for lines from the show.
Anyway, so concludes chapter 21. Oh, and on second thought, forget the drinking game. It’ll just lead to alcohol poisoning.
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