So, I haven't started on chapter 18 of Fallout Equestria. I've had German classes so what free time I do have I don't want to spend slogging through the long, miserable trudge of grimdark and unlikable characters. Similarly I didn't get very far in chapter 9 of Romance Reports, given a case of that being 12k words, therefore the longest chapter yet by a good three thousand words. Got a little of the way in, and Rainbow Dash demonstrates loyalty by breaking Rarity's trust and telling Twilight about their near-one-night-stand, Twilight trying to give relationship advice, and then Rainbow Dash saying "Hey, you know how I'm here to help you find a mare to date? Date me," and then I gave up.
Huh. "Twilight trying to give relationship advice."
Also, another thought occurred to me about Fallout Equestria. You know that thing I've kept complaining about with chapter 12, the whole "cowing your violence-hating friend into helping you kill someone you don't like" thing? I've realized a new way this is horrible: When Littlepip finds Deadeyes's "shoot anything other than the target and the stage explodes" note, her course of action is to just... push Velvet off the stage after Deadeyes is killed. Without bothering to try to figure out how the bomb works, how big it is, how it's set off - y'know, they never did explain how the fuck that was supposed to work - the delay, or anything. Essentially, she just carried on doing what she was already going to do and pretty much gambled on Velvet Remedy's life.
So basically, Littlepip valued the death of someone she didn't like over the life of her friend that she's supposedly in love with.
Now, you may be wondering what exactly I'm updating this for if I didn't read them. Well, I have a new story that popped up on Fimfiction last week and hit the featured box, titled The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine. What is that, you ask? Well, here's the description:
When Celestia sends Dusk Shine to Ponyville, all he wants to do is prepare for Nightmare Moon’s return. But when five certain mares each develop a massive crush on Dusk, he’ll have more on his plate than Twilight ever did. (No clop scenes, I Pinkie Promise)
So yeah. Male Twilight in what I assume is one of those harem comedy things. I might be more familiar if I watched more anime.
The plot thus far has largely followed the plot of the pilot and the "Ticket Master" episode, though the latter is still unfinished at time of this writing. It follows the basic plots of these episodes with three major differences.
1. Twilight Sparkle is a guy, named Dusk Shine.
2. The other five main characters all want to bone him.
3. The author tries attempts to be funny. This generally means memes and call-forwards.
The story begins much as the pilot did, with Bookworm Purple finding out about Nightmare Moon and sending a letter to Princess Celestia about it. Celestia's response is as follows.
Get a life. You are a grown stallion, and therefore too old to be looking into old pony’s tales. There is more to a young colt’s life than studying and looking at late-night porn on Ponichan. (Yes, I have seen your internet history. That’s not the point.) To expand on your social life, I have scheduled you and Spike to oversee the preparations of this year’s Summer Sun Celebration, hosted in Ponyville.
Your concerned teacher,
Princess Celestia
P.S. There is an ulterior motive to this task: Make some friends!
No comment. At any rate, Dusk heads for Ponyville and goes through the usual preparations. Things follow about the same way they do with the show, with a few differences:
1. Applejack and Granny Smith comment on how purdy Dusk Shine is
2. Rainbow Dash sits on Dusk's face and then hits him for "staring at her flat"
3. Rarity is already aware of who Dusk Shine is, and as he is a personal protege of Princess Celestia, she's always considered him to be a prince. Also, she's always wanted to marry a prince.
4. Dusk really, really has the hots for Fluttershy.
Also, remember that whole "stay for brunch?" thing with Applebloom? Well, here's how the prose goes:
NO! thought Dusk with great resistance. I… must… prepare… Nightmare… Moon…
Silly Dusk, you can’t fight the all-consuming power of a depressed Cutie Mark Crusader! You must submit!
N-no…
STAY. FOR. BRUNCH.
NEVER!
Fine, if you really can’t stay for brunch, just tell it her to her face.
Fine, I will!
Dusk Shine bravely looked into Applebloom’s eyes and…
I can’t do it! I’ll stay for brunch! Just please, PLEASE stop her from making that face!
Good, my little slave, you are learning your position well.
So we have a bit of problem here. Generally in a comedy the humor comes from the characters and the situations, rather than the narrator cracking humor. There are exceptions to this, such as the works of Douglas Adams or GK Chesterton, though they tended to keep the narrative humor more subdued or tongue-in-cheek, or at least put it in a way that still had the story going. Here... the author kinda just clowns around.
Also, I mentioned that a lot of the humor comes from memes and call-forwards. For example, in Dusk's letter to Celestia he mentions Nightmare Moon's cannibalistic habits. And
Yeah. That.
Anyway, proceed to the party at Dusk's place. Now for Pinkie Pie. You know that really fast monologue where she explains why she threw the party to the very tired Twilight? Well, here's this story's version:
Though I do admit, it's a better use of metafiction than a lot of other terrible fics use. But as you can see, this is taking the "Pinkie Pie can break the fourth wall" fanon (that has much less basis in canon than fanon would lead you to believe) and runs with it.
Anyway, we proceed to the appearance of Nightmare Moon, and in this story she's speaking in Ye Olde Butchered Englishe like in "Luna Eclipsed."
The gang goes back to the library, and we get this amusing bit during Rainbow Dash's "Are you a spy?" bit.
I should also mention that certain words in the story are hyperlinked to Youtube vids of the respective snippets from the show.
They head to the Everfree Forest, and things proceed mostly as usual. The "Applejack's honesty" scene also includes a bit where Dusk goes "damn your beautiful eyes," and then when Applejack asks him about that, he's all "oh that was just heat of the moment" and she hits him in the face.
Then at the bit with the Sea Serpent (yes, the fic does call him Stephen Magnet. Well, Steven Magnet.) and Dusk Shine ogles wet-maned Rarity.
Then at the point where Rainbow Dash is seen by the Shadowbolts... it's extended into a lengthier conversation in which she deduces that it is, in fact, Nightmare Moon. And during the "no I won't take your offer" thing, we get this:
Also,
Anyway, proceed to castle, yadda yadda yadda Dusk confronts Nightmare Moon, and the latter destroys the elements. Dusk begs her not to kill him, but she says she has a better use for him, due to his "delicate features and larger-than-average horn size," and conjures a red, heart-shaped bed in the room.
Thankfully the others rush in to prevent the rape, and the rest follows predictably - new elements, Nightmare Moon defeated, back to Ponyville for a party.
At the party, Luna apologizes to Dusk Shine for trying to rape him, and says she wishes to thank him for ending Nightmare Moon. She then kisses him, with Celestia thinking that he has no experience with girls and that she'll try the "gala tickets prank."
Now, I think I should probably say that I didn't hate it. That does not, however, mean that it's good. Not at all, due to the rather fast-and-loose narration, slight typographical errors, questionable characterization, over-reliance on memes, and other things. I guess I'll call it a guilty pleasure.
