No ponies, don't breathe sighs of relief! That's never a good thing, and especially not in Chapter 1!
This may just be my own personal preferences talking, but there does seem to be a lot of shoehorned-in Purple Prose going on.
Okay, my bitching aside. Watching them get sucked into the portal was pretty interesting. I can keep reading this.
...
Doctor Whooves running from Derpy is fantastic.
I'm not really feeling the ride through the aether. That's the sort of experience that you should really go to town with, and it seemed like he just breezed over it.
Hmm, Manehattan-style futuristic city? Does this mean I get to see some cyberpunk? Please tell me I get to read some good cyberpunk action.
Okay Gannon FLCL. A tip about descriptions. Describe concrete things. It helps with the visualizations. Don't just describe the buildings. Describe a building.
Okay, I changed my mind. Pinkie Pie is going to grow old quick.
Only in the most fucked up of alternate universes would somepony be intimidated at the sight of Twilight.
Rarity's going to turn on the charm. Oh I can just tell this'll go over well. >:D
Yes Rarity. He's gay. That's why your charm didn't work. Because only gay stallions wouldn't be interested in you. And only some of those.
Rule of Funny demands that Pinkie Pie's attempt at talking to somepony is successful. Rule of Drama demands that it not be. I don't really have a feel for the story yet, but based on what I've heard, I'm going with Rule of Funny.
Ah, Gannon fulfilled both rules. It was funny and she still didn't succeed. Good on you chap.
Okay. I'm wanting to guess what it is that makes them different from everypony on sight, but there's not enough details to go off of.
Nudists? ROFL! And in hindsight, there was enough detail that I might have been able to guess. Could have played it up a little more though.
Nononononono Twilight. You are not allowed to grasp that sort of cultural misunderstanding that easily. You have to do a little thinking before I'm going to just buy that.
Overall reaction: Entertaining. This looks like it could get really fun.
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