The Weirdest Teamup This Side of Trakeena's Revenge: Rika Liveblogs Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie!
Part 9: Combat
...well. The good news is, we have three parts left to go (aside from the obligatory Toku comment story). The bad news is...we still have three parts left to go.
: I just wonder if all of this is a dream. I mean...the parts get worse and worse, Winnie and his friends continue to do nothing while the villains do something, and I'm turned into a cat for no reason.
It's not. It really is not. So let's continue.
: Previously on Rika's livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie...
...both the Rangers and the villains landed in the lost island. Unfortunately, so did Winnie and his friends. Kimberly got captured, the Rangers morphed into action, and the wedding preparations were underway. Also, we found out that, indeed, Mistress Nine is not
Bowser Jr.'s biological mother, thus nearly
averting Critical Research Failure
...which raises the question: in a battle with Winnie and his friends (the Turbo Rangers excluded because they're awesome here) vs. Bowser's army, why aren't we rooting for the villains
Also, there was lots of Special Effects Failure
and Stock Footage
being used (like, again...the Rangers dashing through the forest. Twice.).
: So let's dive right back into the liveblog with...
Part 9 of 11
The Rangers eventually find the temple, with Justin hearing the noises. Mewtwo congratulates Justin, also telling him that they'll get to Bowser in no time. Justin leads the way.
: Wait, Justin! It's too dangerous!
: 3P0, you worry too much. Gettin' there's the fun part.
...and yet, I'm sure that you guys will do shit in the battle. Or fuck up saving Kimberly or Jason. Or both.
Back at the temple, Divatox talks to Maligore, who is pretty much dormant, and reveals the tied-up Jason and Kimberly as the sacrifices. The wedding is pretty much on, but it's interspersed with the other Rangers getting to the temple.
And then the Rangers enter the temple. Tommy asks if they missed the party, and Mistress Nine shouts, "Who invited you?" Kimberly introduces the Rangers and Divatox to each other, and after stating that the Rangers are the villains' worst nightmare, Bowser has something to say.
: Actually, my worst nightmare is when Pooh and pals team up w/ the Super Mario Bros. But I digress. Put them in the volcano!
...dude. Winnie and his friends aren't much in a fight. -__-
So we get this huge fight, the Rangers vs. Divatox's army.
: Let's get 'em!
...and those fuckers, too. Don't expect them to do anything.
As the fight continues, Justin does manage to make the wheel stop for a bit, and Adam sends Lerigot to his wife and child. Until Rygog reaches for the wheel.
Unfortunately for our real heroes, it's a hopeless fight. And—
: Too late, heroes. Watch as Zuul and Vinz Clortho possess your pals.
Where in the flying fuck
did Zuul and Vinz come from?! They weren't mentioned in this film's backstory! Just...what...that's an Ass Pull
of epic proportions! What...how...
...this play sucks.
So Vinz and Zuul possess Kimberly and Jason.
: Cool! That's a nice trick!
God, the Captain Obvious
levels are high
with this one. Shut up, Bowser Jr., just...shut the hell up.
Bowser tells the possessed heroes to destroy the ones who want to attack his brother (groan). And so the fight continues.
...okay. I have to do this. ZUUL, MOTHERFUCKER, ZUUL! Because that shit was totally asking for it.
Tommy takes off his helmet and tries to have Kimberly snap out of it. But it's not working. And we get this memorable line before she lays the smackdown on Katherine:
: Oh, yeah, and sweetie? Pink is out.
Jason decides to try to throw Tommy into the fire. Kimberly and Bowser cheer for the possessed ex-Red Ranger, with the latter saying that his brother will have more power. However, Tommy kicks Jason off, but he nearly puts him into the fire again
, causing him to save his friend. Or try to.
Oh, yeah, and Yara frees Kimberly from the possession. Okay...
Eventually, with the ex-Pink Ranger's help...and some explosion in the lava pit (what?)...Jason is saved. So it's back to action for Tommy, and the Rangers continue fighting the army whilst Kimberly tries to rescue Lerigot, his wife, and their kid.
it's bad when Kimberly
, the go-to example of a Damsel Scrappy
in Power Rangers
, actually does something in comparison to Winnie and his friends!
Meanwhile, Divatox tells Maligore to arise and meet his bride. Which he does. Kind of. Then Bowser Jr. helpfully
informs the villains that the Rangers shook off their possessors.
Okay, first off, Jason is still possessed (kind of). Secondly, THANKS FOR TELLING US WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW, DUMBASS.
Sorry. Sorry. But...this film is making me rage more and more the deeper we go into this.
Elgar is worried that they don't have a sacrifice, but Divatox assures him that they do. So she has her pet lizard-thing attack him, and he is thrown into the fire, along with the pet.
Eventually, though, Lerigot and Yara free Jason from his possession. Just in time to help Kimberly fend off the army. Kind of cute, if you ask me.
However, with a variety of explosions, Maligore arrives! Katherine wonders if it's Bowser's brother...NO HE ISN'T, DAMMIT.
Sorry, again. The Rangers get their respective weapons out and prepare to take Maligore down.
...and speaking of, Divatox is starting to get cold feet about the..."marriage". Bowser tries to talk to Maligore, greeting him. And so we get this dialogue exchange.
: Hey, bro. Long time, no smell.
: "What kept me?" Well, we had to help our old pal Darth Vader, but the plan got thwarted.
C-3P0 notes how unusual their dialect is.
: ...thanks for telling us what we already know, Captain Obvious.
You said it. Katherine wonders how in the hell
C-3P0 can understand Maligore and Bowser, and he tells her that he's a master of six million forms of communication, "including your Earth language".
...Earth language? Is that
what they're calling English now?
So Bowser asks Maligore if he can introduce him to Divatox, and...Maligore roars back. Subtitles for the latter? Ha. And that's where we'll end this installment.
...nine down, two to go. The next part will be a double-header. I just hope that I can find enough strength to survive this.
: Me too. And find a way to change back.
Will the Rangers defeat Maligore? What will Divatox decide to do? And will everyone stop being Captains Obvious?
One who does not fight will not survive the next livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.