RED-HOT GLOBIN! Let's Play M&L: Bowser's Inside Story!

Endark Culi

I just realised something. Shouldn't it be called "Blooper Fit"?

First off, something I forgot to do last time: check Bowser’s body to see if the fight with Midbus changed anything. While I didn’t check all of the Trash Pit, I don’t think anything really happened. But I did find something interesting: remember when I was worried about that pipe at the top of Toad Square? I found out that, if you fall into the white stomach acid-esque stuff in an area (such as that at Toad Square’s bottom), you’re spit out of a pipe somewhere in that part of the map. I don’t think you even take any damage from it, so it’ll be a nice shortcut from the healing center to the info booth.

Next, let’s head onwards and try to find a way out of Cavi Cape. In the area past where we learned about Chakroads, there’s another tiny cave that we must enter. Inside, there’s a crossroads: north to Blubble Lake, east to Plack Beach. First Cavi, then Plack…isn’t it amazing that we find out about these tooth-related areas of the Mushroom Kingdom during the adventure that involves Bowser eating stuff? That was sarcasm. Since the north path is a steep cliff that requires jumping to climb, and the only other noticeable thing in here is a giant ! switch on the ground which not even Bowser’s weight can pressed, it looks like we’re headed to the beach!

Hey, look; rocks shaped like giant teeth, with indents all over them! Took them long enough to confirm my dental suspicions! There’s a Save Point and a chicken-filled box nearby; after punching them both, I take the only path available. In the next area, we find a crab (which acts like those purple things in the Cavi area), and a ? Block that can only be reached by jumping. I’m going to assume that the Mario Brothers will eventually get out of Bowser, since I doubt Bowser will ever be able to jump in this game, though I have absolutely no idea how. Nor do I want to know, as I do not want to be spoiled, and (more importantly) I do not want to vomit.

Moving on, there’s a sign advertising “Squid Fit”: you stand on a raft floating beside the sign, you flex your muscles, and the combination of balance and exercise is supposed to really tone your body. I just get on the raft, punch the wall nearby, and get sent to an obstacle coarse in the ocean. Well, ‘obstacle course’ might be putting it wrongly; there’s a couple of pillars sticking out of the water preventing the raft from floating too far in a direction, which I can punch in order to head in the opposite direction. To get out of here without returning to the start, I have to punch a pillar whilst already moving between two other pillars…I’m horrible at describing this simple scene, I know.

I end up a little more north from where I got onto the raft, on the other side of a palm tree barricade. There’s a Pokey (cactus creature featured in games such as Super Mario World) here that seems to be made out of teeth; it’s called ‘Toothy’, which while accurate, is a tad uninspired. If their whole body’s OK, they charge at you, and you must punch them. Punching at them when they have their whole body, whether it’s your turn to attack or theirs, causes their body to fall to pieces. If the Toothy is only a head, it can rebuild the body and charge (bad for those players that just can’t get countering right, the poor saps), or it spits…something weird and purple-coloured that I never get a good look at. By punching the body-less head, you deal damage, and it takes about two or three good punches to beat them.

The next area is an important one; I can tell because, immediately after entering it, we get our first glimpse at that Baroque guy from the manual. Apparently, he got stranded on an island with a bunch of his inventory when the bridge between it and the mainland broke. Please don’t ask why he was sorting his wares on an island, for I have no clue, and if it was mentioned, I forget it. Baroque…get this, guys…thinks that “Monsieur Turtle-Bits” is a GENTLEMAN due to how he looks, and asks Bowser for assistance. After an “Are you kidding me?!” and “What’s in it for me?” from Bowser, he decides to pull the ENTIRE ISLAND Baroque is stranded on back to the mainland using a rope from the broken bridge. Stupid and difficult, yes, but at least Bowser gets to prove that he’s a Bad Ass.

As he tries to do this, activity happens inside of his body, and Mario & Luigi are able to enter the Arm Center. As the duo, we enter to find a cannon of sorts pointed at a muscle. Luigi, figuring that hitting it is the best course of action (it did work on that nerve, after all), slams his hammer into the cannon. It fires a glowing energy ball at the muscle, which bounces back towards Mario. Chippy tells me to hit it with Mario, and after doing so, it slams into the muscle and disappears. Bowser gains a noticeable strength boost because of this, so Chippy recommends we try it again. I get hit only once (I didn’t notice that the ball can turn green, which means Luigi should hit it), which causes me to lose one coin. But in the end, the brothers power Bowser enough to give him the strength to save Baroque.

To thank Bowser for saving him, Baroque gives him a rare and valuable Vacuum Block…oh s**t. Hasn’t Bowser learned by now that inhaling his enemies is bad for his health? Baroque says he’ll teach Bowser how to use it in battle, and proceeds to REMOVE HIS HEAD FROM HIS BODY, FLIP IT UPSIDE-DOWN, AND PUT IT BACK ON. New theory: Baroque is a robot invented by E. Gadd, because even if it’s possible for you to biologically become a ? Block creature in the Mushroom Kingdom, removing your head’s gotta hurt!

In battle, Baroque tells us that the Vacuum Block is a selectable option in the battle menu, and tells us that we must continue to press the X button to use it. The frenchie lets himself be inhaled to provide an example, and lands right beside the Mario Brothers, for some inexplicable and convenient reason. Baroque’s obviously surprised by the little people inside of the big person, but he assumes it’s just natural, and doesn’t bring it up when he’s face-to-face with Bowser again. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention: Baroque leaves Bowser’s body by climbing up a wall of his internal organs. If that’s all it takes, why the heck is the entire friggin’ Mushroom Kingdom still trapped down here?!

Baroque gives us a free Retry Clock, which can be used to reset a battle if things go really, really bad. And then, to test our ability with the Vacuum Block, he challenges us to a full-fledged battle! The guy has one attack: when he’s face-to-face with Bowser, he pulls out a ? Block. If he hits it, it could give us a free coin. It could also reveal a Mega Mushroom from New Super Mario Bros., which doubles Baroque’s size. After he grows, and his eyes flash red, Baroque charges; counter just after the red-eye bit, and you’ll knock the body away from the head. You can then repeatedly punch the head for free money until the body picks the head back up. As this only gives you cash, and doesn’t deal damage, the only way to injure Baroque is to inhale him. Mario & Luigi can deal damage to the guy, and when it’s Baroque’s turn, he just climbs out and uses his ? Block move on Bowser.

Thanks to patience, and a bunch of Green Shells, the battle is won; while nobody levelled up, I’m EXTREMELY pleased; I won a total of 124 coins from the dude! Baroque thanks me again for saving his life earlier, and heads to leave. I notice another Bean Spot X in the ground nearby, and I then decide that now’s a good time to go back from whence I came. I can use the raft to head straight down instead of having to detour through the pillar-filled area again, and I soon get back to the Save point. Obviously, I save, and call it quits for now.

Well, we’re out of Cavi Cape, just like I promised. Here’s hoping that we get our flames back next time!