A FATAL resurrection.


The trainwreck

Creating a Character

Guess I was wrong. There's not much in this section so far. They do suggest creating a character using the character generator on their website. I think I'll do that. Since http://fatalgames.com/ seems to have made some changes I'll use Web Archive. (No do not look this up. Your sanity is higher importance than mine.)

Hm. Apparently I need to buy it, even though the book says it's free. (Because Brian is a lying liar who lies.) I also need Excel in order to use it. I use the Windows 7 RC, so I doubt such an old piece of software would even run right. (It probably never worked on XD!) Besides, I can't even find it online. So that's shot. (We're free!) I have a d20 and at least one coin, so I might be able to make a character manually. (NOOOO! NOOO!) I'll do that once we get into the character generation section. (I can hear the bells of heaven calling. They are asking for us to abort now.)

Mean System (All obvious jokes have been zotted)

I'll just copy from the book here. I think it explains it better than I could summarize it. I'm not good at summarizing things, anyway. (That and we can see Brian's madness)

"The Mean System is the set of mechanics behind F.A.T.A.L. the gaming engine, if you will. A realistic game should have realistic game mechanics. (Say that to oh I don't know EVERY RPG OUT THERE!) The Mean System was created for this purpose.

Although the Mean System is based on mathematics and statistics, the players do not need to understand the mechanics to use them. (WHAT!? THAT'S HOW MATH WORKS!) The Mean System is realistic, but also simple to use. (You fucking liar.'')

The most common aspects of the Mean System are the normal curve, mean, and standard deviation, though parabolic curve-fitting and trigonometric functions have been incorporated as well. (Hey Brian. Remember when you said basic algebra was required? A few pages ago?'')

A mean game needs a mean system. (Must... resist... obvious jokes!) Enjoy the most simple and sophisticated mechanics in the industry. Enjoy F.A.T.A.L."

I'm not sure if there's anything I could add here. (Yours truly did.)


And here's the juicy part. First there's the rather obvious statement that this game is for adults. I think I've figured that out by now. Also, I'm 17 so wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (QUICK! CALL THE COPS! WE CAN STILL LEAVE EARLY!) Next they state that yes, this game does contain obscenity. Of course they justify it by saying it's historical. (HISTORICAL ACCURACY!) Here's another great line. "Most of the rules of the game avoid obscenity. For example, it is possible to determine a character's manhood, not cock, or vaginal depth, not cunt depth. (Yes it is you liar Brian you. )However, the greatest concentration of obscenity is in Appendix 3: Random Magical Effects, and is intended for humorous effect." I can't wait to get to that section! (You won't. Someone else will.)

The next paragraph talks about sex. Of course they justify it by saying it's historical. (HISTORICAL ACCUSEX!) In fact, they use the exact same line as before- just with obscenity replaced with sex! Also, you don't have to calculate the size of your genitalia. Apparently that's optional. Nice to know.

The next paragraph talks about violence. Of course they justify it by saying it's historical. (HISTORICAL ACCURABEATING!) In fact, they use the exact same line as before- just with sex replaced with killing! They also warn that there's a lot of gore. No, not like Mortal Kombat. Like Dwarf Fortress. According to the review rebuttal I linked, you can get hit in the belly button. Not even Kingdom Of Loathing lets you get hit in the belly button! (I think.)

So the last paragraph was about violence, and the one before that was about sex. So, guess what this paragraph's going to be about?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE! (I'm going to need a drink soon aren't I?)

Once more, they play the historical accuracy card. In fact, they cite a book on rape in medieval Europe! Well, it's called "Medieval Prostitution", but they cite its statistics on rape. As a side note, here's the book on Amazon. (Killed link to keep sanity) Just in case anyone's willing to spend cash to satisfy your morbid curiosity. According to the FATAL sourcebook, the author estimated that "half of the male youth participate in at least one gang rape, and that sexual violence is an everyday dimension of community life." I need to read that book. I'm a bit afraid to, but I just want to know just how the hell he came to that conclusion. Maybe my local library has it. (I need to ask him about how that went.)

The section goes to say that things like rape, brothels, molestation and other kinky things do in fact exist in mythology and that you should accept it. Well, they do in Greek mythology. This is them playing the "historical accuracy" card once again. This is all just a disclaimer, but it really does seem like this is a game about rape. (Yep pretty much.)

Well, to be fair you can go through the game without a single sexual encounter. That's like saying you can go through Postal without killing anybody. Technically true, but it's not what you came for. (Presumably, anyways.)

Well, that's the intro. Stay tuned for the meat of the book!

Well that was painful. See you next time when JBridge makes a character. And the train starts wrecking from there...


FreezairForALimitedTime 18th Mar 11
The game let's you get hit in the freaking BELLYBUTTON?

What's next? Being able to make a called shot on somone's EARDRUM?

Wait, hang on, that would acutally be an idea. There needs to be an Exalted technique that lets me palm the side of someone's head and then only break the hammer, anvil and stirrup bones in their head.
doorhandle 14th Apr 11