Jon asks Garfield what he's trying to tell him. Garfield waves his arms. Jon figures it's charades, which he loves, so Garfield goes with that. Garfield indicates first word, then points at Jon. Jon takes this to mean "me", but Garfield negates that and points at himself for "you", which is encouraged into "you're". Garfield lifts his foot and points at it. Jon guesses "your leg", "my leg", and finally, "standing". So far, "You're standing." Garield points at the upturned palm of his handpaw. Jon immediately gets "in". Garfield indicated the "third" word. (Which of these is not a word: "You're", "standing", or "in"?) He points at his eye, then cups his ear to get words that sound like "eye". Buy, shy, sky... My. Garfield points into his mouth, then mimes shoveling food in. Eating? Food! Jon puts it all together: "You're standing in my food." Jon thinks that was great, but doesn't understand that Garfield was actually trying to tell him that, so he starts giving clues...
("Friends Are There")
"I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today."
Garfield: Pest of a Guest
It's wintertime, and the inhabitants of the Arbuckle home are cold. Jon and Odie are shivering by the fireplace. Jon wishes they had more wood. Garfield contributes something that looks suspiciously like part of a piece of furniture. Jon throws it in and sits. Garfield brings another piece, and Jon throws that in, too, remarking how nice it is of Garfield to fetch wood. Garfield hands him something that's obviously a table leg. Jon takes it and thanks him, and is wondering where he gets the wood when he notices that the leg looks familiar, and gets up to see. Indeed, Garfield's chopping up a table, saying that Jon didn't say where the wood should (or should not) be coming from.
Jon starts to scold him, but the doorbell rings. Garfield wonders who'd be stupid enough to be out on a night like this. Odie runs up to him, but Garfield doesn't think even Odie would be that stupid. He sticks the ax in the table.
Speaking of sticks, a scraggly cat uses one to ring the doorbell a few times, thinking it looks like a likely place. He then plops on his back and lets his tongue hang out the side of his mouth. Jon comes out and looks around. Then he looks down and sees the cat, whom he brings in to warm up. The cat gives us a sneaky look.
At the table, Garfield is about to have a "small" bowl of hot soup, which he says is his favorite. It looks too green to be a bowl of lasagna soup, but whatever. Odie seems confused at the size descriptor, but Garfield thinks that any bowl that can't double as a hot tub is a small bowl. Garfield prepares to spoon some up for his mouth, but Jon removes it while Garfield's eyes are closed, so he ends up spooning air. Garfield remarks that the soup is kind of thin. He looks across the table, where Jon is offering the soup to the cat. Jon walks away, and the cat hops onto the table and starts licking it up. Garfield's eyes bulge in surprise. He hops up on the table and goes over to the cat. A few turns of "take the soup" ensue until Jon takes it, saying he's surprised at Garfield (he is?) and says the kitty is starving. He tells the cat he'll be spending the night with them. As Jon walks away, the cat blows a raspberry at Garfield. Garfield decides that the cat is a "scheming, conniving, evil phony who deserves to be punished. Jon also says he'll make his special Casserole a la Arbuckle for him. Garfield thinks that would be too harsh a punishment.
Garfield is tired. He doesn't figure it'll hurt to have the cat around, as long as he can sleep. Problem: the cat is in his bed. Garfield asks us for a moment. After it, we see that he's set up a record player with a bunch of large speakers. The musical selection is "The Marine Corps Band Plays Songs to Make the Neighbors Move to Another ZIP Code Vol. 1". Once put on, it indeed wakes the cat, causing him to leap into the air. Garfield runs off with the bed while he does this. However, Garfield doesn't seem to have thought this through, as it wakes up Jon, as well. (Not to mention, how is he planning on sleeping?) Jon runs downstairs, removes the needle from the record, and goes over to Garfield, tapping his foot. Garfield wonders if Jon wanted to hear a different song. Jon carries Garfield, who offers a three-record set of reggae favorites played by an all-girl bagpipe orchestra. (Not sure what the point of mentioning the "all-girl" aspect is; there shouldn't be that much of a difference, like there would be with singing.)
The cat decides it's a sweet racket, and figures he could stay for months, or even years. Jon says he'll fix Garfield a place to sleep. Garfield hopes the mattress isn't too firm, and he needs an electric blanket and two pillows. Of course, this means his bed turns out to be a shoebox for Aries Footwear. It's definitely smaller in length and width, and a little taller than desirable, perhaps. Garfield thinks someone is going to swing for that. He then notices that the cat is cleaning out the refrigerator, like he usually does. Garfield is going to take drastic measures. He tells the cat that he seems healthy now. The cat says he should be back to full strength in 6 or 7 weeks. Garfield says Jon will do his best to fatten him up. The cat wonders why he would want to. Garfield says "Oh, no reason," then cackles and walks off.
Garfield types on an alphabetical typewriter that goes up to "R", I guess. He finds it hard to touch-type with paws. He slips the recipe into the front of the recipes box, and goes into the living room, where the cat is watching TV. He's made a mess with bottles, cans, peels, cores, and other food-related trash. Garfield walks by with a small case, and tells the cat to have fun while it lasts. The cat blocks his way to the door and asks why he's leaving a terrific spread like this. Garfield says it's because he's there, and thanks him, saying he didn't think Jon would ever get another cat. The cat figures this means he can stay forever, and Garfield agrees, reminding him that Jon is making Casserole a la Arbuckle. The cat doesn't realize the significance, so Garfield asks him if he knows the main ingredient. He doesn't, so Garfield is "about to" tell him, but instead, says to forget he mentioned it, and says "Goodbye forever."
This prompts the cat to search the kitchen for recipes. He finds the recipe box, and starts looking through them. Somehow, the recipe card has migrated to nearly the back of the box. He reads:
- One cup milk
- Two tbs. flour
- Carrots
- Potatoes
- One kitty cat
- Add salt to taste
Words that could not have been typed on that typewriter: casserole, Arbuckle, cup, Two, tbs., carrots, potatoes, kitty, cat, salt, to, taste.
The words "one kitty cat" don't register quite yet, so he walks away, tossing it over his shoulder. Then they do register, and he dashes back, catching it before it has fallen far, and reads the "kitty cat" part again. Jon comes in, asking if he's hungry, and says they've got to fatten him up. The cat is now terrified. Jon unintentionally adds fuel to the terror by saying they've looking forward to having him for dinner. The dish, he says, is Odie's favorite. Odie contributes by licking him. The cat interprets that the way Garfield would want him to, yells, and runs away, telling Garfield the house is all his. Jon walks out to the front step, telling the kitty not to leave, and asks about his dinner. He considered the cat sweet, and asks Garfield why he can't be more like him. (He already is, in most respects...) Garfield says he can do that, and feigns starvation.
So now Garfield is having a sandwich in front of the TV. Jon stands by and frowns, but decides to go clean up the kitchen. Garfield has his castle back, and he's happy there. Jon finds the faux recipe, and says it looks kind of interesting, and reads off the anomalous ingredient. Garfield says Jon is kidding... isn't he...?
Orson's Farm: Quickie
Orson is about to explore the murky depths of the waller. He snaps on some goggles and dives in, his tail sticking out.
Meanwhile, Booker is chasing the worm. It hides behind a rock. Booker, who managed, not to notice it turn left, runs past and to the waller, where he sees Orson's tail. Mistaking it for the worm, he bites down. A pink bubble emerges from the waller and floats over to Wade, who pops it. A yell emerges, sending Wade up to a tree branch, where his swim ring gets stuck.
Orson's Farm: The Impractical Joker
Roy is asleep. At 6:00, however, the alarm clock rings, and is promptly pounded. Roy gets up, blows a not-great Reveille, yells "Wake up, everybody!", and goes back to bed. However, Booker brings a book in brown from the Boffo Book Barn in Walla Walla, Washington. Roy eagerly receives it, removing the packaging. It's a book of 1001 ways to insult your friends, his dream book. He turns to one, and says: "I wouldn't say you're short, but you could pace around your room under your bed." Booker seems steamed.
Roy leaves his coop and asks Wade what's red and green and covered with fur and has eight legs. When Wade doesn't know, Roy says he doesn't know, either, and claims there's one on Wade's shoulder. Wade tries brushing off what's not there, and runs off. Roy cackles. He loves his book.
He tells Lanolin she could make money with her mouth... by renting it out for a boat show.
He asks Sheldon how he could keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours. When Sheldon doesn't know, Roy says he'll tell him tomorrow.
The chicks and Lanolin approach Orson to complain about Roy, but Orson regards Roy's jokes as being harmless. Then Wade runs up, saying there's a green and red thing on him, and that Roy said so. This prompts Orson to have a word with him. Lanolin says that Roy implied she has a big mouth, and says she doesn't.
Well, Roy wouldn't say Orson is fat, but... oh, it's the "sit around the house" joke. Orson tells him it's not funny. Roy asks if his funny bone is broke(n). Roy breaks into a song about jokes, but then delivers straightforward insults with all the cleverness of something not very clever. After the singing part finishes, Roy delivers a few more. This results in Orson firing Roy.
Roy passes by the crowd from earlier. Lanolin, asks what the matter is, and if there are any smart remarks about her mouth. Wade adds his courage. Roy, dressed in a gray trench coat and hat and carrying a suitcase, says he'll never jest again; he's a broken rooster, as Orson fired him. With the last laugh on Roy, he leaves. Booker says they've got to get Orson to change his mind. Sheldon thinks of what it'll be like without Roy around.
Orson is ham-mering up a "Rooster wanted" sign. Lanolin reminds him that he said Roy's jokes were harmless. Of course, that's when Orson wasn't the object. Booker says they need a rooster, but Orson figures that whoever they get will be better to be around than Roy, and walks off. Booker says they could do worse. When asked how, he reminds them of Fred Duck. (Remember Episode 12, "Shy Fly Guy"?) Wade remembers that he was annoying. Lanolin figures that is he were around, Orson would welcome Roy back. Wade goes to call him.
Orson takes down the sign. He admits that he wanted a rooster rather than a duck. Fred introduces himself, then reaches into his pack, extracts a faux rooster comb, and asks what time lunch is, and if there's any left when Orson is done. Orson starts to tell Fred how to get on his good side, but Fred says to go down three blocks and turn left. He knows a lady with a build like him: she has so many double chins, she needs a bookmark to find her pearls. Orson walks off. Fred follows, and asks him if he knows what makes a balloon go up. The answer is hot air. Fred asks what's keeping him down. Orson breaks into a run. Fred calls him a guy who appreciates a good sense of humor.
Orson, in a bid to get away from him, hides in a storage shed, but Fred is there. He knows Orson is a light eater... I think there was more to the joke. Possibly "It was still dark after I opened the refrigerator" or something. Orson ought to give him a piece of his mind, but Fred cautions that he doesn't have much to spare. Lanolin, Wade, Booker, and Sheldon are gathered outside the shed, and are therefore available to witness it when Orson comes out, firing Fred. Wade says that they need a rooster. Fred pops out, asking of Orson if "that" is his stomach or if he's smuggling beach balls. Orson is, at this point, wanting Roy back. Once Orson's gone, Wade thanks his cousin, who leaves.
Booker wonders where they'll find Roy. Wade thinks he's probably miles away. Roy sticks his head out of the barrel nearby, asking who's miles away. Booker tells him he has his job back. He doesn't think he deserves it, after all he said about them. He starts apologizing to them individually: to Sheldon, for saying he was so dull, he could put coffee to sleep (here, he mostly suppresses a snicker); to Booker, for saying he was so short, Snow White could give him hand-me-downs; to Wade, for saying he was so cowardly he ought to borrow a spine (he starts laughing in earnest); and to Lanolin... he's laughing so hard he can't get the words out. Wade wryly says it's nice to have Roy back. The others... well, we can't see Sheldon's expression or wing pose ever, but the other two are frowning with arms crossed.
Garfield: Fat & Furry
(I don't normally comment on these, but the title... splash? has a parody of American money on it. Garfield's portrait is in the middle, possibly a reference to James A., the 20th president. It also says "In Film Roman We Trust". There is a $ in each corner, but no actual amount. As far as I can find, James A. Garfield had never been on our money at that point, and it's only because of the Presidential $1 Coin Program that he's on it now, as of November 11, 2011.)
At Ed's Market, Garfield is doing a little shopping: several carts' worth. He stopped letting Jon buy the groceries, as he occasionally leaves something in the store. He hands Jon's wallet to the cashier, telling us that Jon gave him his wallet to buy all the food he wanted... a fact Jon will learn when Garfield gets home. He gets change in the form of "one smackeroo", as the text at the bottom tells us. (This bill has Bo's face on it, and "The United States of Acres" across the top. U.S. Acres. Get it? Here's a hint: it's what we call "Orson's Farm" here.) He gives the dollar back in exchange for a lottery ticket. He tells the baggers to snap it up, and not to put the watermelons on to of potato chips.
On the taxi ride home, Garfield reads the number: 7777779, his lucky number. (Wait a minute, the number when you look at the ticket is 77777779 It's the average number of calories he consumes per day... when he's eating light, that is. He hopes he didn't buy too much food. There are, after all, several carts being pulled along, and there's a string of sausages whipping around out the last one.
At home, Jon finds that among his groceries are 81 cupcakes, 19 pounds (about 8.6 kg) of zucchini, and 57 boxes of croutons. He especially wonders why they would possibly need that much of the last one. Well, Garfield might get the urge to fill the hot tub with onion soup. Jon asks how he could spend that total. Garfield had a coupon for 8 cents off on dishwashing detergent. He then notices the cuckoo from his clock. It broke, but Garfield found a "designated pinch cuckoo". At 6:00, Odie's head comes out and barks 6 times. It's time for Garfield's favorite show. No, not Garfield And Friends, but Lifestyles of the Fat and Furry. It shows a cat in a Malibu mansion, relaxing on a luxury cushion while consuming bon bons. Her butler does the mousecatching. And when the show returns, a cat with his own private flea circus.
During the break, it's time to find out the winning lottery number for the week. Garfield hopes he wins, but Jon considers it a waste. (Wellll, that's usually true..., but having bought one, wouldn't it be a bigger waste to discard it without finding out if you won something?) He asks Garfield if he knows the odds of the man picking 77777779 (Well, Jon reads it correctly, anyway). Assuming that every 8-digit combination is possible, I'd guess 1 in 100,000,000. Or, given the title of the show, 1 in 1. Anyway, Garfield's number is what he reads. This doesn't register with either of them yet, as Jon says, "See? What did I tell you?", tosses it into a convenient wastebasket, and they go for dessert. They then dive for it, having realized. Jon gets the wastebasket on his head, and he pulls it off. The ticket floats to the floor. He tosses the wastebasket aside, where it finds Odie's head to cover. Jon gives the news to Odie, and removes the wastebasket. Odie doesn't share their excitement.
Jon has his picture taken receiving the stereotypical large check as Garfield makes bunny ears behind him. They make the paper. They go to Le Snob Clothiers and get some expensive threads, and buy a mansion for only $3 million. The dining room, we're told, seats 40. Garfield wonders where everyone else will eat.
Now they're featured on Lifestyles of the Fat and Furry. His day starts with breakfast in bed, brought by his many servants. But only 20 are bringing breakfast; the rest are delivering lunch. Next, Garfield enjoys a vigorous game of tennis... played by two of his servants, of course. Sometimes, Odie suggests a recreational activity: fetch. Garfield snaps his fingers, and a servant throws the stick. Odie whines a bit, but chases it.
Next is Garfield's favorite: dinner. The gourmet chef waits for Garfield to select a meal... and after waiting, Garfield picks the microwave lasagna. The chef seems pleased that his chef skills are put to the test with such a dish. But sometimes, Garfield must fly elsewhere to get something more exotic. He goes to Paris, to a place not far from the Champs Élyées, to get his meal of... microwave lasagna. The waiter reacts more predictably to this request. (Y'know, if I wanted to eat lasagna in a foreign country, I'd pick Italy, not France.)
In the States, the host (if not voiced by Robin Leach himself, then an amazing soundalike; I shall have to check the credits) is speaking with Garfield's human, Jon "Carbuncle". Jon corrects him, but it doesn't take, as the host asks Mr. "Arstinkle" how he feels about all this. Jon is thrilled about the winnings, but Odie really isn't. Jon is glad he bought the ticket. Garfield wants credit where it's due. The host gets the gist of his body language. The lottery chief, though, steps in and says that state law requires that purchasers of lottery tickets be at least 18. Garfield is too young to buy, and is therefore disqualified. The win goes to 888888883. ...So does this lottery have 8 digits or 9? At any rate, it seems that number belongs to the host of LotF&F. He can stop doing this "stupid" show and talking in that annoying voice. Garfield wonders if they have any microwave lasagna in the fridge at home.
Next time: Episode 15!
