Garfield: Quickie
Odie runs cheerily past Garfield at rest. Garfield thinks dogs are the most ridiculous things on this planet. In the living room, Odie chases his tail. Garfield observes that he does that all day, with no dignity or brains or anything. Odie continues in the kitchen, where Jon is eating. Garfield finds it disgusting... until Jon feeds Odie a sizable slice of ham. Garfield quickly does what Odie was doing. Doesn't seem to be working, to me...
("Friends Are There")
"Beware of imitations, accept no substitutes. Batteries not included."
Best of Breed
Jon is packing a box of things to send to his country relatives. (Funny how — and I'll spoil it here — we never see them on the show.) He has Garfield look around for things. Old magazines, an old radio, Nermal... Jon puts Nermal in the box, but takes him out when he realizes, and says they can't do that. Garfield brings Odie, as well, and believes they can, and that they should mark it, "Third class. Please bend and smash." (Considering he spent part of last episode in the postal system...)
Nermal plays with paper and tells Garfield that people love it when kittens play. Garfield is skeptical of its use. Nermal brings out his blue ribbons from a cat show. Garfield seems most dismayed by the "Most Pushups" award. He brings up that tomorrow is this year's cat show, and predicts more awards. Garfield is considering getting himself entered.
Garfield holds up an issue of the Muncie Messenger, the front page of which is about a cat show. Jon is laughing hysterically. He asks if they have a category for eating the most lasagna. Garfield leaves in disgust, tossing the paper behind him. Jon doesn't think he can possibly... win? Be serious? But then he sees Garfield stalking away, and decides that, since it's that important to him, he'll enter him.
The cat show is held in what appears to be a tall sports stadium. A huge "Cat Show" banner hangs from it, and paw prints have been added to the edifice. The host gets the spectators' attention and announces that the judges have completed the preliminary screening. We see a section of cats with numbers hanging from their necks: #17, #13 (Garfield), #9, #21, #8, and #3. The waiting is getting to Garfield. #9, an extremely fluffy stereotypical rich-person's cat with the snootiness to match asks Garfield how he got in there. Garfield tells her he made a left at the Taco-Rama. She asks about his papers, and he says Jon gets them; but he (Garfield) usually reads the comics and tosses the rest. The host tells the spectators which cats have been eliminated: #9, #17, #3, #21, #8. As they leave, Garfield says things like "Tough luck", and says that the important thing is to be a good, dignified loser. Then the host calls #13, his number. It takes a couple of seconds to sink in, and Garfield throws a tantrum. But the host corrects himself: #13 is one of the two finalists. The other is #5. Any guesses as to who that might be? Heathcliff? Krazy Kat? Perhaps Aeris?
Nope, it's Nermal. Garfield thinks we all saw it coming.
There will be three events to determine the winner. First, the talent competition. Garfield sings about being the best of breed (to whom, I'm not sure, as the watchers of the cartoon are the only ones who can hear him) while, in order:
- twirling hula hoops on his forelegs while balanced a fishbowl (with a fish and water in it) on a rod on his nose
- juggling a football (American), a bowling ball, a baseball, a tennis ball (?), a basketball, a negative of a soccer ball (association football), and... I don't know; what's that other white ball?
- unicycling blindfolded
- skateboarding on his forepaws, then only one
- dancing, including spinning on one paw
Sparse claps and a whistle. Garfield remarks that it's a tough crowd.
Nermal's shtick is to play with a ball of yarn. Garfield considers it pathetic and lousy, but it's a hit with the spectators. Garfield blows a raspberry at Nermal.
Next event: obedience. The host reads a list of commands printed on a card.
- Play dead.
- Roll over.
- Sit up.
- Speak.
- Stand up.
- Lie down.
- Get up.
- Beg.
- Jump up.
- Play dead again.
- Turn around.
Offstage, Garfield considers that his exercise for the decade. Nermal will go through the obedience test, but there's time for Garfield to type a substitute list and swap it for the real list in the host's pocket without anyone noticing. This list goes:
- Roll over.
- Sit up.
- Stand on one foot.
- Eat a pizza.
- Impersonate Santa Claus.
- Make duck sounds.
- Dance Swan Lake.
- Balance on a grapefruit.
- Play the accordion.
- Boogie 'til you drop.
- Make butter.
- Fly a kite.
- Polish the Klopman Diamond.
- Run the marathon.
- Move to Florida.
- Do jumping jacks.
No wonder he didn't notice the swap; he didn't even notice when his list went Off the Rails and took the scenic route! But Nermal managed to do well enough to impress the audience. He staggers offstage and points out the applause to Garfield. Garfield is about to take drastic measures. He enters a hobby shop.
The last event is skill. Garfield demonstrates that he has built a model airship, and flies it out an open window. This time, the audience and host are suitably impressed. Next, the host calls for Nermal... who doesn't show up. After a few attempts, a woman whispers to the host that they can't find him. The host relays this information to the audience, and declares Nermal disqualified and Garfield the winner. Garfield receives a blue ribbon, and is disappointed that there wasn't a large cash award. Jon states the obvious and picks him up, not believing he did it. Garfield says his confidence in him is overwhelming. Jon wonders what happened to Nermal, and remarks that nodoby saw him leave. Garfield claims he can't imagine what happened.
Meanwhile, over the rooftops, a model airship flies away. Nermal is within, asking if he's on yet, and says it's a pretty small dressing room, and dark, too. He continues calling for Garfield as he flies away...
Orson's Farm: National Tapioca Pudding Day
Roy is humming and mixing up a pot of...
"Tapioca pudding," he says, after tasting it. He pours the foodstuff into a plate and puts the pot back. He puts the plate into a box with a spring in it, and puts a lid on it. He supposes we're wondering what he's doing. Well, the target demographic might have been, but to most of us, it's such an obvious setup that even if we haven't seen the episode or a summary before, the only unknown in his plan is the intended victim. Anyway, he thinks he's arranged a terrific joke to play on Orson. When Orson opens the box, he gets tapioca pudding all over his face.
Roy arrives at the tree where Orson is reading an unmarked lavender book. He wishes Orson a happy National Tapioca Pudding Day. Orson needs it explained, so Roy does, and gives him the box. Orson is honored... and embarrassed, as he didn't get Roy anything. Roy pretends to be put out at the news. A distance away, he dashes behind a tree and adjusts its knothole to see.
Orson is dismayed about his failure to follow the custom of a made-up holiday he'd only just heard about. He leaves the book, takes the box, and figures it might not be too late to get some for him.
Wade is telling someone off, is sick of being followed around all the time, and is not afraid of that entity anymore, as he's figured out that shadows can't hurt you. The shadow picks him up and throws him away, leaving him to reassess. Orson asks who did it, and Wade responds that it was a shadow of his former self. Wade asks about the box. Orson explains to Wade. Wade figures all holidays are about buying and gietting presents. Orson says they're about something very different... then proceeds to sing, not about that, but about how gifts aren't just for holidays, not addressing the connection from the pre-song direction. After the song, he gives his box to Wade and walks off... leaving Wade with the worry over not giving any.
Booker pursues a worm past Sheldon. The worm blows a raspberry and jumps into the air. Booker dives for him, saying that he won't get away from him, but he mistimes his dive, and the worm gets into the hole, leaving Sheldon to point out the obvious. Booker decides to flood him out with a garden hose. Sheldon doesn't think he wants to see it. Booker turns on the water and waits at the other end. The pressure, however, only serves to force Booker upwards in a fountain effect. The worm emerges in SCUBA gear, and turns off the water, leaving Booker to fall headfirst into the hole. Sheldon predicted correctly.
Wade arrives after the two have collected themselves, and says he's fox-pawed with regard to NTPD. The two conference briefly and ask at the same time. Wade explains. Sheldon and Booker advise him to rewrap the box and give it back. After calling it ridiculous, silly, and impractical, he says he'll do it. Booker has a thought. Sheldon wants him to whisper it in his ear. Booker has difficulty finding it.
Wade finishes rewrapping the present, and carries it. Roy asks if it's for him. Wade says it's for Orson. Roy really is put out, now. Wade gives the present to Orson. Roy arrives and asks if something's missing, such as Roy's present. Orson is reminded to return the favor, and unwittingly gives Roy the present that he himself made. He opens it... and realizes that he made it up, just in time to get a faceful of tapioca pudding. He stalks off, dejected.
Sheldon and Booker come up to Orson with a present. Both he and Wade are afraid that it's more tapioca pudding, but it turns out to be a bouquet they picked, just because.
Nice, guys. Real nice.
Garfield: All About Odie
At the State University Auditorium, a stately rendition of "Skip to My Lou" plays. Garfield stands on a stool at a lectern, and raps on it with a stick as he gets the students' attention. He's taking the opportunity to answer questions he's been sent. He wants the camera to follow him, which it does on the second prompt. He leads us to a basement, and to a wooden door, behind which Odie's fan mail is kept. Despite the fact that we can't see anything through the slot, when he opens the door, he's buried in mail. He figures that if Odie gets that much mail, one can only imagine how much he himself gets. (With a setup like that, I'm sure you can well imagine it.) Garfield's door is much more ornate. He opens the door and braces himself for the flood that never comes. The room is webbed up and has a box on its side. There's a letter near the door. Garfield picks it up and blows the dust off. Opening it with his claw, he reads the letter from a "loyal, true-blue Garfield admirer"... who addresses him as "occupant" and says he may already have won 37 million dollars. He crumples it up and tosses it behind him as he ascends the stairs.
He finds that the audience really does want to hear about Odie. He calls for the lights to go off, and they do. He pulls down the screen with his stick and operates a slide projector. First slide: Odie. Next slide: a doggie tongue, which he calls "very dangerous". (He gets in front of the slide, which casts a shadow, but not as much of one as there would be; also, the picture is not cast onto Garfield's face.) A man raises his hand and asks how long the average doggie tongue is. (His hand also casts a shadow; I would have thought that the projector would be set up so that it'd miss any hands, never mind the mysterious rays that this projector is emitting that mostly keeps solid objects from blocking the light without also passing through the screen. Maybe it's just augmented with a backlight...) Garfield's answer is 9 yards, but he has the students hold their questions for the end. The next set of slides shows uses for a doggie tongue. The first, which is upside-down, shows Odie licking a sheet of stamps. (Good for a single package requiring a lot of postage, I guess.) Garfield glares until the slide it put to right. He then says you can get 50 stamps licked at once, but I only see 40. Not that it's much more; just two additional rows. Next use: insulting someone you don't like. Odie is sticking his tongue out at Herman, the mailman, because Garfield told him to. Last shown use: a red carpet in some countries. The small dignitaries exiting the limo in the slide seem Arabesque in dress.
Now we switch from slide projector to movie projector as Garfield pushes the lectern and stool aside and repeats his assertion that doggie tongues can be dangerous. (I'm more concerned about being bonked with their hard snouts as they try to lick my face.) This film was prepared by the National Council on Canine Slurping Safety. The lights go off again, and Garfield turns on the projector. The title of the film is "Doggie Tongue: Threat or Menace?" The narrator reads out the title. The scene is of Garfield, asleep in his bed.
Odie comes up and licks Garfield's face. This propels Garfield upward, and leaves his face soaked.
The narrator tells us that we'll see it again in slow motion.
Mmmm, Slurpee.
The motions seem to be more involved than the normal-speed footage suggested; Garfield is slurped multiple times here, and is flipped by the tongue. Garfield turns off the projector and pulls up the screen, and the lights are turned on.
He goes on to tell us what a dog like Odie is made of. There's a diagram, though the ears are yellow, for some reason. He flips to a chart of internal organs, then to a pie chart made of actual pie. Mmm, cherry. The first tiny slice represents Odie's brains, while the second slice is for his common sense. He eats both. The rest of the pie is for Odie's tongue. Brain, common sense, and tongue. Well, that's really all you need to live, right? While he's eating the last part, he asks if there are any questions. A man asks if wrestling is fixed. Garfield swallows the pie in his mouth and clarifies that he meant intelligent questions. A woman asks what Odie does all day. Garfield settles for it.
Garfield pulls the screen down again, and the lights go out. First, he shows Odie cheerfully running through the living room in the morning. Second, he shows Odie cheerfully running through the yard in the afternoon. Next, he shows Odie cheerfully running through the living room in the evening. Garfield thinks he looks depressed in that one. He asks if anyone would like to see what he does all day. No response, but he's going to show them anyway. Sleeping on his belly, sleeping on his back, sleeping on his belly the other direction with appendages sticking out. And another one for Garfield's day off: Garfield sleeping, completely covered, with a glass of something light-colored in front of his bed, with a straw in the glass and a slice of lime on the rim. A woman asks what Odie does on his day off. "Odie, huh?" Well, yeah, "All About Odie" is the title of the lecture... anyway, Garfield shows a film of Odie chasing cars, and even catching one. Odie bites the tire with his squared-off teeth, and is spun around the tire as it moves. Yeesh, good thing he's a cartoon...
A man asks what he does when he catches it. Garfield says he buries it in the backyard. The audience cracks up. Garfield asks what they're laughing at, and if they don't believe him. They don't. He can't believe his ears; they can't believe his face. Garfield didn't go there to be insulted, leaving one to ask where he usually goes. A couple more say this whole thing is stupid and ridiculous, and Garfield says they should see this audience. The audience boos, and Garfield picks up his board and leaves as the audience tries to pelt him with produce.
Back at home, Garfield relates to Odie that they didn't believe him when he said he buried the cars he catches. Apparently, it's the truth. The two pets walk between some partially-buried cars, whose owners didn't abandon them when they could. There's even one who could still leave due to it having its top down, but he's content to honk his horn with the others.
Next time: Episode 12!
