- To the tune of the MST3K theme*
In the kinda-distant future,
XXXX CE,
There was a guy named Bob
Who went by
Bismuth 83.
He worked at Troponic Institute,
Just another face in a lab jumpsuit.
He did his job well with a cheerful face
But some guy was super evil and he launched him into space!
ME: They send me awful writings:
The worst they can find.
I have to sit and read them all
or else they'll wipe my mind.
Now keep in mind he can't control
where the fanfics begin or end
He'll have to keep his sanity
with his crossover cohost friends.
COHOST ROLL CALL:
Vibri! (VBR: Feel the vibe!)
Daria! (DRA: Go to hell...)
Clemont! (CLM: FOR SCIENCE!)
Lan! (LAN: Jack in!)
Megaman.exe! (MGA: Squeeze in even MORE syllables, why don't you...)
Miyu! (MYU: Please tell me that wasn't me...)
Samus! (SMS: DON'T cross me.)
Callie! (CAL: STAY FRESH!)
Marie! (MRE: WHAT SHE SAID!)
WAAAAVE! (WAV: ...losers.)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
Tales from the Schlock Zone...
ME: *Looking at a monitor* Tell me where I am, who you are, and why I'm here or else I'll..... Do something that you'll resent forever!
LEF: *Maniacal laughter* You're on the Satellite of Awful Prose, or the SOAP for short! I'm Lord 'P'c'f'l, that's apostrophe-capital P-apostrophe-lowercase c-apostrophe-lowercase-f-apostrophe-lowercase l, but you can call me Lord Epic Fail, I don't mind too much. You're here as a punishment!
ME: WHAT DID I DO?!
LEF: Oh, deleting that thing about Megaman X7 sucking on the "Rank Inflation" page, deleting an out-of-context quote on the page for
Foxcraft, and claiming that Megaman Battle Network 4 and X7's badness were only subjective!
ME: Overreaction much?
LEF: NO! IT'S PERFECTLY REASONABLE!
ME: Yeah, whatever. What do I have to do here?
LEF: You'll be reading bad fanfiction...
ME: I did that back on Earth for fun.
LEF: FOREVER!
ME: ARE YOU MAD?!
LEF: No. See? I provided you with all your stuff... *A bizarrely-carefully-placed box labeled "
BISMUTH 83'S STUFF" appears out of nowhere* and you have the choice of 10 additional cohosts plus some guests if you want to take the edge off.
ME: And the cohosts aren't, like, Lovecraftian monsters from another dimension that'll make me lose my sanity as soon as I look at them?
LEF: No! They're fictional (in your universe, anyway) characters you'll choose from this CROSSOVER GENERATOR on your right.
ME: *Looks right, sees a machine with what looks like a computer and some sort of portal built in*
LEF: Go on, choose some!
ME: Okay then... *Walks over to the machine, reads a sticky note with instructions on how to use it, and then types in the names of the 10 characters I want as cohosts, then presses ENTER. The machine is surprisingly quiet as it portals the characters in here.*
LAN: Where... Where am I?
MGA: How should I know? The PET's camera's glitching out!
WAV: At least it wasn't during a race... The momentum would have killed me...
SMS: Looks kinda like the Olympus...
CLM: Positives: No snobbish, fashion-obsessed morons here... Negatives: I MISS MY HOME!
DAR: *trademark sarcastic voice* Oh, what a horrible day. I have been whisked away from Insert-as-many-L's-in-here-as-possible-awndale High to somewhere more cerebral.
VBR: This definitely isn't Planet Vib... (Note: That's what I'm calling Vibri's homeworld)
CAL: What IS this place?
MAR: No idea...
MYU:Huh, the teleporter had the good sense NOT to teleport my Arwing.
ME: Welcome aboard the SOAP. You'll be helping me commentate on horrible fan fiction.
ALL: *Some variation of "WHAT?!"*
LEF: THAT'S RIGHT! AND FIRST OFF THE MARK IS A HORRIBLY SAPPY SAMURAI PIZZA CATS FANFIC!
ME: Oh god, NOT Samurai Pizza Cats. You couldn't get a worse dub if you gave it over to 4Kids, and they and Leo Burnett are the devil!
LEF: TOO BAD! THE FANFIC'S TITLED "LOVE IN LAS VEGAS", AND IT'S WRITTEN BY SOMEONE NAMED "POLLYGIRL"! HAVE FUN! *screen shuts off*
ME: Ugh... FANFIC SIGN...
No Comments (Yet)
