Part 4: The Best Thing You Never Read (Thank God)AUTHOR'S NOTE
: Yes, I do realize that I've been getting comments of him being a troll. Guess what? They will be ignored. I don't judge works based on whether a person's serious or fucking with us, I only judge them by how the story goes and, of course, the elements that goes along with a plot—the sequences of events, characterization, and the like. Thank you for your time.
...do I have to recap what happened in the last two chapters? I mean...it's pretty much a sign that means that absolutely nothing of fucking importance
happened. And no, I don't consider the group finding a God and killing the vampires important, because, in the end, do we really care about this shit?
Of course not. And so we continue on wi—
(suddenly, the Rangers and Sentai Warriors)
: What's the matter, Rika?
It's just...a story's pissing me off to no end.
: What story?
: ...you don't mean...!
Yes. I mean it. The Prayer Warriors: Threat of Satanic Communism
(everyone goes dead-silent)
: The what now?
The Prayer Warriors. The worst kinds of heroes you have ever wish to, well, not meet, I guess.
: You mean worse than Grandiene?
: Queen Bansheera?
Yes. (tells everyone about the monstrosities, and everyone is shocked)
: My God!
: ...I need to lie down a bit.
(prepares her Shodophone)
...so. With this, guys? Will you be here to support me? I will warn you now, this shit will get a lot worse. It started off well, if not turning into a mediocre-and-not-completely-offensive fanfic into...
...thanks. When I tell you, join in on the snark. Stay here and try to keep me from hurting anyone or anything.
Anyway! We will move on now with...
Chapter 7: We Kill Socrates
Jesus: This chapter will be much better than the last capture. It will have more action and wronger-doers are more punishable. This will honor me muck.
Paul: Yes, I do honest heartily agree with you, this will be the best chapter in this endure series.
Jesus: am glad about that. I hope the readers will agree also with this statement, specially all those good Christian Men out there.
Peter: I am sure to give this capture a good reviews.
Thomas: I like say that my proof-reader, Ebony, will going on camp tomorrow so I will be needing a new-new proof-reader to take her place for a few weeks. Anyone that wants to do that can you please email me; thank-you weary much.
...first. Why do you say that this will be better and better when it's only going to get even worse?
: And why do you say things about the Christian men? Isn't that...
...yep. And he needs a proofreader. Um...I got nothing.
The Prayer Warriors watch at the
baloney of Ebony's home. From there, she discusses a plan on how to beat Socrates. (The real answer is poison.) But they more or less talk about how he must be killed because he did blasphemy. And if they
don't kill him, then they'll be punished for blasphemy, too.
...yes, this makes no sense, why do you ask?
: Jason has a few tricks up his sleeve somehow, and Ebony tells Thalia that she must stay. Why? Because she isn't a good fighter. Um...
Don't worry, I got nothing, too.
As they drive to Thomas' house, they meet up with Socrates. And yes, he actually says "Evil laugh!"...again. And he declares that he's a god, but Jason will see about that. And how does he do it?
By grabbing Socrates and forcing some napalm
down his throat! Dude! And of course, Socrates is left to suffer an agonizing death. Yeah, I'm hoping that he didn't have any more disturbing behavior.
Then Jason sees a follower of Socrates, and yes, she's a woman. She begs for him to kill her, but he decides to make her a slave! And she gets punished.
Have I mentioned that I hate not only reading the fanfic, but absolutely liveblogging it?
I'm going to make a note to never do any of the Prayer Warriors series again after this. Because I don't want to be "the troper who liveblogged the shitty Prayer Warriors". My God, now I know how those poor, typecasted actors
And as long as I stop liveblogging these non-entities of fiction...maybe he can just stop writing.
...oh, my God. It feels like I'm freed from my prison. All I need to do is to finish this, and then I'll never have to do it ever again, ignoring the demands of everyone else to make me do any other future titles.
I feel so free. I feel so better.
Anyway, as Thalia takes the prisoner/slave away (fucking seriously? And for that matter, wasn't she told to simply stay in the house?), Ebony and Jason then read the Bible. The phone rings, and Ebony answers it.
What's the problem? In Kansas City (don't ask), a demon army is destroying it. Let me guess, they disturbed an ancient tomb, awakening them?
No, no, NO! LIGHTSPEED RESCUE DESERVES FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS!
The story ends with Ebony, if she hasn't already, coming out of retirement. Someone shoot me. I swear to God, I'd be happy to never liveblog another one of these ever again and, again, ignoring those who want more.
Yes, I do realize that I'm not as better than Thomas.
But you know what? Neither is anyone else who's criticizing these non-entities of works.
Jesus: See, that was a better capture. Please give it good reviews.
Thomas: Yes I do too. Please give me good reviews, but no bad reviews okay. Amen.
You're an idiot. And that's all I have to say. Now I know how Todd in the Shadows
felt when "Take it Off
" was released.
But the difference is, to me, if I had to choose between liveblogging all of the Prayer Warriors series and listening to "Take it Off" as a part of an unholy marathon of bad music, I'd prepare the Kleenix when asking, "so do you want it loud or medium for the sound?" while I prepare to strap myself in and listen to the unholy marathon of bad music.
(by the way, the Rangers and Sentai Warriors feel unbelievably uncomfortable as I ramble and rant)
...and so we move on with...
Chapter 8: The Camp is Attacked Again
By the way? This chapter, like...some other chapter in My Immortal
(I forget which one), has both the rough and final drafts. In one of the worst ways of copypasting. So I'll just tackle them both, since—again—they're the fucking same.
Jesus: Now we must look back at the torrent characters that have been stay at the camp.
Thomas: Yes, this will be interested for I were wondering what these people been up to.
Jesus: Then right, my young prophet!
...Thomas was wondering what happened to the others. I know now that he hasn't even read his damn previous chapters.
The story begins with Piper waiting for Luke to return. Why is he gone? To get...a table? That they're going to read all night? Somehow, I don't know what he really means by it.
Unless if he meant Bible.
Then Luke arrives, saying that the camp's under attack again. And they must strike back, despite the fact that they don't even know who the attacker is. Or, for that matter, who their traitor was.
Oh, and he says it all in a non-sexual manner. Um...I'm 100% sure that no one
speaks to anyone else in a non-sexual manner. That just makes no sense to mention that, but whatever.
Also, he's now a "rave Christian". (insert "Party Hard" joke or something involving raves here)
The two head to a safe place, where they see Hades capturing Thalia.
Okay, first off, Hades is not a Roman God. His counterpart, Pluto, is. Secondly, Hades died at the end of The Evil Gods Part I
. Third, Thalia was with Jason and Ebony, so why is she captured in the fucking camp
Anyway, Luke tells Piper to stay as he ends up trying to save the people in the camp. As she waits, enter Chiron. With a hose? Um...sure, why not?
He tells Piper in a non-perverted way (oh, come on!) that Luke will return. She says, in a loving manner (...uggggggggggggggh), that she's glad he's with her.
And we get this dialogue.
Piper: "I hope Luke will be back soon."
Chiron: "I hear he is coming back now."
You know what that reminds me of?
: "I'm always a perfect lady with nothing to be ashamed of."
And indeed, Luke returns with a body. Someone is still alive, but Chiron places the body in a bag. Who is it? The false god Euripides. As in the Greek tragedy playwright
Euripides. How much do you want to bet that he selected the names off Wikipedia?
Apparentally, he managed to sneak with his army into the camp. And he may or may not be the traitor. Oh, so you guys finally decide to try to pick that lost plot up? I'm not getting my hopes up.
Anyway, they decide to hang the playwright/God on a tree, and Euripides dies. After that, Clarisse returns, clad in armor. She announces that she has returned from Russia, killing Stalin and Lennon. She also adds that Ebony and Michael has retired (yeah, don't bother trying to figure this out). And with her is...
Oh, God. He's back. The devil in disguise, the deadly man. The false savior himself, the man who's worse than any other villainous man in history, Jerry!
Jerry has returned/come out of retirement in order to help out with the problems. Everyone is happy (except for those who didn't want him in the first place—like you and me), and to celebrate, they pray. The chapter ends with them burying the dead (whoever's there that's dead, anyway).
We get the proofreader's notes, but unless if he/she bashes people, it's nothing to write about.
...and we're not done yet! Is Euripides a traitor, or is he/she still within their midsts? Will the group save Percy? And how much worse can it get?
Awaken that soul on the next liveblogging of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part II!