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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

71.202.90.103 Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 4th 2012 at 6:41:54 AM
Ugh. These flashbacks were as far from story-developing as you can get. At least Tyra didn't make us explore Bou-Big-Tique anymore than we needed to.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 4th 2012 at 9:33:45 AM
I can understand slow setup in a story. But that's mostly because of the worldbuilding and character development. and at least in those kinds of stories gives us some kind of a plot within and throughout the first few chapters.

This story has a pacing that's practically none existent. There's barely any notion of a plot. there is to much padding.
BlackElephant Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 4th 2012 at 9:46:26 PM
Tookie doesn't really do anything. She just lets things happen to her.

The book would be greatly improved if there was a legitimate reason why she let herself get flown to Modelland (like, maybe she's going to try to become a 7Seven and change the way the world works, use her powers for good and not evil), or maybe if she found a way to sneak Lizzie in with her. Then, she could keep her duckling-to-swan plot and she wouldn't have to worry about betraying Lizzie. The fact that Lizzie's skin cleared up certainly made me think something like that was going on.

Maybe someone could make a fix fanfic of this story (like Luminosity and Twilight). Or maybe that would be a copyright infringement (even though it wouldn't be sold).

But, then again, you'd have to change so much about it, it might end up being a totally different work.
FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 4th 2012 at 11:09:59 PM
Further attempts to deduce Geena's secret:

She's feeling very coy? She likes bok choy? She overuses the word "Doy?" She's not Jewish? She's a pirate who says "Ahoy?" The book she's in brings her joy? She's secretly keeping a koi? Her silverware is actually a steel alloy? She's actually fond of poi? Her real name is Roy? She's not fond of soy? The thing she kept from home was her favorite toy... wink wink?
99.111.128.246 Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 5th 2012 at 10:30:49 AM
Maybe Geena's secret is: she's seeing a boy, possibly one of the Bestosterone guys.
Gante Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 10th 2012 at 8:59:42 PM
Gyaaah! Reading this book is like watching a Las Vegas review after dropping really bad acid. Why are these girls constantly covered in slop? What's up with this nasty subtext of abuse and degradation? The sheer manic idiocy of all this is giving me a very dark picture of the author.

Please gods, let this never be made into a movie! The sheer ugliness and obnoxiousness of it all would be a genuine Brown Note.
Zersk Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 14th 2012 at 11:05:26 PM
She participated in the battle of Troy?

...Holy carp.
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