Sanity is Cheap! Let's Play Touhoumon Insane!

Caper Nerd

What the heck?

Between the ghost puppets, the possessed channelers, and the actual ghosts, I don't think I want to return to Prismriver Tower. Add in a perverted old man and I think I'll just avoid Prismriver.

The next gym leader is in the south. I just hope this path really will lead me back to the real world. But what is this place? It couldn't be Gensokyo. Is it a parallel world? An alternate dimension? A dream, perhaps? But if it's a dream, then is it mine? Or someone else's?

Lotsa screenshots for this installment... I actually had to prune them a bit for the sake of convenience. Why is that? Well, let's just say...

R.I.P Fuschia City/Safari Zone Butchered before their time...

But let's save that for when we actually get to what stands in the same place that Fuschia and the Safari Zone once did. First things first, there's an old turtle in our way. And we use the Loliflute to wake him up. Does that make Genji a perverted old man? The Genji is level 70, making it easier for me to weaken it than if it had been level 30 like Snorlax in the pokemon games.

Here's where things get interesting/painful for this installment, though. See, originally, I actually managed to catch Genji in my first Great Seal. And then I beat up all but the last Biker on routes 16/17. And I caught the two new puppets on Route 17 one after the other. I was doing GREAT!

Only... I forgot to save. And my cat got into my room. Here I was in the midst of battle with the last biker on Route 17 when sudden my cat moves the power bar my computer is plugged into, turning it off. I'll let Darth Vader speak for me on this part.

And let me tell you, battling all those bikers was NOT fun. I've seen ExMedicine, ExYamame, and ExHina so many times in my run down Cycling Road that the battles ended up just flat out boring. The Cueballs... sorry, "Bald Heads" as this hack calls them... weren't much better, all having LwMomiji and LwMeiling. Sigh.

So, ended up having to try catching Genji again and this time he just didn't want to stay in the Great Seal. Eventually, though, I caught him.

Route 16, there's a lot of bikers lined up. This time I'm just skipping the damn bastards. There's only a few interesting battles in all of Route 16 and 17 and one of them is the very last battle anyway. So I'll just show that battle. But first, puppets!

Route 17 puppets: cIchirin (Normal), cOrange (Normal), Chen, cKeine, ExMomiji, cYuka, Yuka, Momiji. Level range 20 - 35.

Hey, wow! A wild EX puppet! The wild puppets are finally starting to pick up a bit, though not nearly enough to make grinding against them worthwhile. There are two new puppets here, though. They're the most common puppets in the area, yet on my second time through here... it took me FOREVER to find them. I can practically hear fate laughing at me.

Ichirin is nuts. Good stats all around except, seemingly, attack. But she has Oni Power as one of her two abilities, which doubles her attack. So, really, she's good all around. Bur, again, UFO. So 600+ base stat total. So I think I'll pass.

Orange, on the other hand... is awesome. 255 base hp gives her the same hp potential as Blissey. She doesn't have Blissey's monstrous special defense, having base 80 and 40 defense and special defense respectively in EX, but her defenses are definitely workable. Heck, her minimum hp is 620 so you can pretty much just pump both her defenses to make up for the relatively low scores and turn her into an absolute tank. Only a fighting-type attack off a VERY high base attack has any hope of taking her out. Her offense isn't too shabby either. Base 55 attack, but she, too, gets Oni Power for an ability. So without any investment in attack she can still pass 200 by level 100. I'll probably be relying on Orange against some of the tougher opponents in this game.

In fact, based on the damage calculator on Marriland, an ExOrange with max EV's an 0 IV's for defense would take 484 - 570 damage from a fighting-type pokemon with 510 attack using Cross Chop. If we boost that attack up to the maximum possible - 255 base attack, +atk nature, 31 IV's and 252 EV's in attack - the damage range for that Cross Chop becomes 635 to 747. If we actually focused Orange more toward physical defense, she would actually survive that. Not that I plan on keeping my future ExOrange in play against any monstrous fighting-types.

Something else to keep in mind, though: I can always apply an X Defend before taking ANY hit. In that worst case scenario above, with an X Defend applied Orange would take 425 to 500 damage. Not even close.

Only other thing notable on this route is yet another random sign. I'll save any Flat "What." or rage for later. It gets bad in "Fuschia". Very, very bad.

But now for the one battle on this route worth describing against the very last biker on this route, Biker William. This guy had five puppets and was NOT a double battle. He leads with LwYukari, so I send out Green. Green does her usually Voodoo-stall to beat Yukari. LShikieiki is next and Ghost takes this one on. Since Steel no longer resists ghosts, Shadow Ball takes her down fairly easily. LwRemilia comes out next and I sent out Thief. One Thunderbolt, game over. Mimi-Chan is next so I send out Ghost again. Yeah, not risking that thing exploding on someone. Ghost takes it down with Shadow Ball. Final puppet is... ExHina. Sigh. If I was still using my old notes you would have seen that name so many times. So many times... Thief takes her out quite easily with Five Elements.

But now that we're past that last trainer and the route house on Route 18, we're finally in the Gates of Hell! And no, I'm not just calling it that because this place sucks. That's actually Fuschia's new name.

But, hey, nothing wrong with that, right? I mean, hell in Touhou isn't that bad as long as you don't mind the heat. And avoid getting in fights with the locals. Especially in Old Hell. There's still evil spirits there, but it isn't a place for torturing souls like most depictions of hell - something one of Komachi's dialogues makes note of in Hisou Tensoku since that's how hell used to be in Touhou.

First things first, let's stop by the pokemart, where the Rinnosuke running the place randomly references a video game. Random, but nothing horrible yet. Here's the inventory. Still nothing better than Super Potions, but I'm not lamenting that anymore. I haven't had much need for potions at all lately. Ultra Seals are a nice addition, but not much else worth noting at this point.

Decide to talk to this guy outside the pokemart and... what?

Right... whatever. Let's just go check out the Safari... CONCENTRATION CAMP!? Of all the... WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT SOMETHING LIKE THAT!? Nevermind how utterly tactless that is, you are renaming a simple place to catch wild pokemon/puppets to a concentration camp and calling the different zones torture zones. First off, hell in Touhou is NOT that kind of place. Second, they're puppets, NOT souls of the damned. If this really WAS a place for torturing the souls of the damned and that's really what we were catching, then somehow I don't think they'd let us walk away with them so easily. Besides, to my understanding a damned soul would eventually reincarnate into something/someone else in Touhou anyway.

At this point, I just decide to look around Hell and see just how much Drakuaza decided to, for lack of a better word, fuck this place up.

First, ZUN's house, where we find out he was an alcholic since he was a child and has a stash of porn on his computer. And apparently his mother doesn't think much of the gatekeeper.

And now here's a REALLY good place with lots of "fun" dialogue, the "library". We find out about the campaign to get surf here. I don't know what said campaign has to do with anyone's sexuality, unless he was using "gay" as a derogatory term. Which is even worse. Drakuaza's maturity is really starting to show here.

Then there's this guy, who thinks the gatekeeper doesn't know what alf is. Alf? What? What? Why Alf? What Alf? Where the hell is this "Alf" coming from all of a sudden? Is he referring to that alien from that old TV show? If so... WHY!? Also, the gatekeeper is apparently as old as FUCK. Random swearing, yay!

At this point I decide to take a quick run through the... ugh... concentration camp. Appearance-wise it isn't even any different from the Safari Zone. Heck, I even decided to talk to some random NPC's but didn't find anyone with any noteworthy dialogue. So instead, I just grab the Gold Teeth and the Surf HM.

There's a lot more to be done here, obviously. I haven't gotten into the wild puppets for Route 18, the Concentration Camp, or the routes I could have taken to get here but didn't, but I'll get to those in a moment. Right now, I'm in the mood for beating someone up and the local gym leader sounds like the perfect target.

To save on space, and because these trainer battles are getting increasingly pointless - the exp is worthless and I'll be grinding to 100 after this in preparation for the next gym anyway - I'll cut all but the more notable trainer battles from these installments.

To that end, we have a random Magma grunt in this gym. Yeah, this is going to be a fire-type gym. Even though it's normally poison and every other gym has stuck to their types so far, this one is suddenly fire. Anyway, she leads with ExMokou and LwUtsuho, who has Nuclear Wave for an ability. What does that do? It's Groudon's Drought. Perma-sun, basically. Utsuho goes down to Rock Slide, Terra replaces Green. LwRin replaces Utsuho. An Earthquake from Terra takes out pretty much everyone. Then an Earthquake from Neko-Chen finishes the job. Lost a lot of puppets on my side too but, eh. My win.

After battling two more trainers, we finally reach the gym leader. Utsuho. You probably could have seen this one coming as soon as the gym's type was revealed. And in case you're wondering, yes, the next gym is fire-type too. Kinda. Well, more like dark-type I guess. But we'll cross that road when we get to it.

For now, Utsuho and her puppets get to eat concrete.

Easiest battle yet by far as Neko-Chen makes up for her failure against Karen by stomping five of Utsuho's puppets against the curb. The one puppet that Neko-Chen couldn't take on doesn't come out until the end. But LwSuwako is the reason I kept Accessory in my party. Use Mana Charge once and Suwako, for some reason, uses Toxic. Seeing as how I basically had a free turn, I use Mana Charge again while Suwako... uses Protect. Next turn, Suwako goes down to a Leaf Blade. Utsuho tells me how "frickin awesome" that battle was and then gives me a badge and Toxic TM. Utsuho, I don't know if you've noticed, but you didn't even put up a fight...

Let's wrap this up.

Route 18 puppets: ExMomiji, ExChen, Chen, Shion (Ground/Electric), Yuka, ExMinoriko, ExShizuha, cLuize (Normal). Level range 5 to 39.

More EX puppets showing up now. Luize is pretty much unremarkable in any way. Kinda fitting I guess. Shion is an interesting special attacker and has an interesting type combo, though I won't be using her. Shion I don't have a picture for because her pokdex entry inexplicable came up as cSuika's.

Battling the "bird men" on this route, the only interesting puppet to show up is an ExNue. Interesting only because I believe that's the first we've encountered such.

Concentration Camp Area 1: Kedama (Normal), cTokiko, cMokou (Fire), cMugetu (Normal), Fairy, cRin (Ghost/Fire), cUtsuho (Fire/Flying), cGengetu (Dark/Flying).

Concentration Camp Area 2: Kedama, cVIVIT (Fire), cMokou, cTokiko, cMugetu, Fairy, cRin, cUtsuho, cGengetu.

Concentration Camp Area 3: cRin, cGengetu, cMokou, cUtsuho, cTokiko, Fairy, Evil Eye (dark), cGengetu.

Concentration Camp Area 4: cRin, cTokiko, cMugetu, cGengetu, cRan (Ground), cMokou, cUtsuho, cAlice.

Level range for the Concentration Camp is 5 to 24. Of note, Kedama is a round and fluffy/fuzzy puppet that pretty much acts like a ditto. Guess I owe that lass an apology. Mokou is an offensive puppet, fire/fighting when it evolves, and has good hp. Mugetu has strong special defense and would be a pretty good addition if I didn't have Orange. Rin is another all around offensive puppet, with slightly higher physical attack than special attack and good speed. Utsuho has VERY high special attack, decent speed, but the rest of her stats are not so hot. Gengetu is basically a Last Word puppet in her EX form, having greater offensive abilities than Remilia without the defensive drawbacks.

I have no idea why you can find chibi Alices here or why they're so rare.

Also picked up a cKomachi (Water/Ghost) which can be found anywhere once you get Surf. Fishing just gets you cHina, cNitori, or Hoshizako depending on what rod you use.

Route 15 puppets: ExMedicine, ExMystia, ExMinoriko, ExAya, ExShizuha, cSuwako (Water/Ground). Level range 16 - 39.

Like in Pokemon, water/ground is an amazing type combination that's weak only to grass. Most water/ground pokemon are slow, defensive pokemon with at least one good attacking stat. Suwako is no exception. Good defenses, special defense especially, and good special attack. Too bad she only learns water-type attacks on the special side unless you breed one with Ice Punch. Still, good type combination and good puppet.

Route 14 puppets: cHatate, ExMedicine, Nue, ExMinoriko, ExShizuha, ExMystia, ExNitori, Medicine, cYumeko (Steel), Mystia. Level range 14 to 38.

Yumeko has a lot more attack power than Sakuya and lacks the double weakness to fire, but doesn't have as much defensive capability. Still, she seems fairly decent. Not a puppet I'd use, but decent.

Route 13 puppets: Mystia, Medicine, Aya, ExMystia, ExMedicine, cMitori, cEllen (Psychic), cRinnosuke (Normal). Level range 21 to 35.

Apparently I forgot to get a screenshot of cRinnosuke. cRinnosuke is normal-type with very poor stats, but evolves into a Water/Fighting puppet with very high attack, good defenses and speed, and poor special attack. I don't even get why Rinnosuke would be a water-type. Oh, wait. Yes I do. Because he wears blue. Bleh. At least he wields a cool sword in his evolved form. Ellen on the other hand is an oddball for a psychic-type. Decent defense, poor special defense, decent special attack, VERY good hp. She wants to be an Orange but she's really just a Bad Apple.

...No, wait, that's Elly. Nevermind.

Also, stumble across some interesting signs. This one was labelled "commercial", though I have no idea what "TOTAL" is. Something the author likes, evidently. This one just said that the Gates of Hell were ahead, though calling them "fucking tips" probably would have been a sign of things to come...

That about covers this installment. Tune in next time when we hit the level cap, head out to the island, and I'll explain why I'm actually disappointed that there's no bullshit dungeon standing between me and the island.

And no, I haven't started liking them. Not even remotely.


Normally, I'd make a crappy joke here. All I'm going to say this time around is "What the Christ Drakulame?"
GIG 18th Jun 11

Seriously! argh.... It loooks like Hitler has a loli fetish now...

This is... JUST NO! NO! this is Wrong! Wrong is about 152 different ways!
paradisedj32 20th Jun 11
I really shouldn't be defending this rom, but isn't it theoretically possible that Drakuaza meant "a gay campaign" as in a happy campaign? Of course, it would require a level of maturity and linguistic ability that he hasn't shown at all so far, but it could happen... If we give him the benefit of doubt.

Doesn't excuse the rest of this butchering of both the Blazing Hell and Fuchsia City, though.
Omegahugger 28th Jun 11
Omegahugger: You've probably done so since posting the comment in question but all I have to say at this point is... read on!
CaperNerd 28th Jun 11