Line #7 Quotes/TheBigBangTheory


1	!!In Show Quotes
2	-> Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state\
3	Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started... wait!\
4	The Earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool,\
5	Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall!
6	--> We built the Pyramids!
7	-> Math, science, history - unraveling the mystery\
8	That all started with the Big Bang!
9	--> Bang!
10	--> - '''Music/BarenakedLadies''', "The History of Everything", the show's opening theme
11
12	-> '''Creator/WilWheaton:''' Did [Sheldon] just say "Revenge is a dish best served cold" in Klingon?\
13	'''Stuart:''' I believe so.\
14	'''Creator/WilWheaton:''' What is ''wrong'' with him?\
15	'''Stuart:''' [[WMG/TheBigBangTheory Everyone has a different theory.]]
16
17	-> '''Sheldon''': I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.\
18	'''Penny''': Who's Music/{{Radiohead}}?\
19	'''Sheldon''': (''after several seconds of twitching'') I have a working knowledge of the ''important'' things in the universe.
20
21	->'''Sheldon [waking Leonard up in the middle of the night, holding up a laptop]''': Leonard, do you know what this is?
22	->'''Leonard''': The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
23
24	->'''Sheldon''': Leonard is upstairs right now with my archenemy.\
25	'''Penny''': Your archenemy?\
26	'''Sheldon''': Yes. The [[ComicBook/FantasticFour Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic]]. The [[ComicBook/SpiderMan Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man]]. The [[ComicBook/{{Shazam}} Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel]]...\
27	'''Penny''': Okay I get it, I get it...\
28	'''Sheldon''': You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have [[MorallyAmbiguousDoctorate advanced degrees]]. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.
29
30	->'''Leonard:''' Okay, well, I'm an experimental physicist at Caltech. Most of my research involves high powered lasers. Oh, and I just got a government grant to see if they can be used to knock out incoming ballistic missiles.\
31	'''Penny:''' Wow! Can they?\
32	'''Leonard:''' Oh God no! ([[{{Beat}} long pause]]) But [[OnlyInItForTheMoney the money's good]]... and I used the equipment to build my own BatSignal.
33
34	->"I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole but when it comes to the population of this car you are a veritable 'Mackdaddy.'"
35	-->'''Sheldon''': ''Pilot'' (To Leonard regarding his chances with Penny while she, Raj and Howard are in the car)
36
37	->"Nerds."
38	-->''' ''Steve Wozniak'' '''
39
40	->'''Sheldon''': Well, I hope you're happy, Penny. It is because of you that I now have a criminal record. It is because of you that I now have 10 demerit points on a license I have yet to acquire, and it is because of you that I missed out on getting gelato with Stan Lee.
41	->'''Penny''': Well, maybe you'll have another chance to...
42	->'''Sheldon''': No, I won't have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee, because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on.
43	->'''[Sheldon raises his finger dramatically, puts it down, and stalks off angrily]'''
44	->'''Penny''': ...Did he just give me the finger?
45	->'''Howard''': Not just any finger - the moving finger!!
46
47	->'''Leonard''': What would you be if you were attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helically around an axis?\
48	'''Sheldon''': ''({{beat}})'' ...screwed!\
49	'''Leonard''': There you go.\
50	''(later)''\
51	'''Sheldon''': I don't wanna be attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis!\
52	'''Amy''': ''(immediately -- no beat needed)'' In what way are you screwed?!
53
54	->'''Sheldon''': It's your turn.\
55	'''Raj''': Ah, I'm not interested in playing anymore.\
56	'''Sheldon''': Because you don't have a girlfriend!? Good Lord! If that's a reason to not play ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' then this game is in '''serious''' trouble!
57
58	->'''Sheldon''': Leonard, why are you never on my side?
59	->'''Leonard''': Because I can never understand your side!
60
61	->''(during a paintball game against the geology department)''
62	->'''Sheldon:''' ''(stands at the top of the hill and shouts to his opponents)'' GEOLOGY ISN'T A REAL SCIENCE!
63	->''(he is promptly slaughtered by paintballs)''
64	->'''Howard:''' Damn them those SONS OF BITCHES!!''(he, Raj, and Leonard run down the hill to attack)''
65	->'''Sheldon:''' ''(watches happily)'' If there's ever a Church of Sheldon, this will be when it started.
66
67	->'''Raj:''' Come on Sheldon, it's ''Franchise/StarWars''.\
68	'''Howard:''' I'm going to press play, I mean it! Come on, we gotta hurry up and watch it before Creator/GeorgeLucas [[ReCut changes it again]].
69
70	->'''Penny''': Okay shh, Creator/TyraBanks is about to kick somebody off ''Series/AmericasNextTopModel''.\
71	'''Sheldon''': Excuse me Penny, but we're-\
72	'''Leonard''': No, don't tell her...\
73	'''Sheldon''': ...playing Klingon Boggle.\
74	'''Leonard''': Aaaw...\
75	'''Howard''': What do you mean "aaaw", like she didn't know we were nerds?
76
77	->'''Howard''': Why is that disappointing?
78	->'''Raj''': You know, guy gets bitten by a radioactive animal, you kinda hope he gets superpowers.
79	->'''Howard''': Yeah, but who would want to be ''Rat-Man''?
80	->'''Raj''': Who wouldn't? You can squeeze through tiny holes, finish a maze in nothing flat! And the best part is, you could be my sidekick, Mouse-Boy!
81	->'''Howard''': Mouse-Boy?
82	->'''Raj''': You don't like it? How about, Kid Vermin?
83	->'''Howard''': No, if we had superpowers, you would be the sidekick, not me!
84	->'''Raj''': No way!
85	->'''Howard''': Leonard, between the two of us, who would obviously be the sidekick?
86	->('''Beat''')
87	->'''Leonard''': 8 years after high school, and I'm still at the nerd table...
88
89	->'''Sheldon''': Penny....\
90	'''Penny''': (annoyed) What?\
91	'''Sheldon''': Please don't hurt my friend.
92
93	->'''Raj''': Why are you putting so much sugar in your coffee?\
94	'''Leonard''': (Has been up late) Because the cafeteria doesn't have little packets of methamphetamines.
95
96	-> '''Barry''': Siwi can you wecommend a westewaunt?\
97	'''Siri''': Sorry Bawwy, i do not recognise the phrase "Wecommend a westerwaunt."
98
99	->'''Howard''': Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys instead of us weirdos?\
100	'''Raj''': Yes, I've ALWAYS found that totally unfair!
101
102	->'''Sheldon''': At the last department party, Professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for forty-five minutes.\
103	'''Leonard''': Yes, I was there.\
104	'''Sheldon''': You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?\
105	'''Leonard''': What?\
106	'''Sheldon''': Nothing.
107
108	->'''Mrs. Cooper:''' [Sheldon]'s like a baby deer, you gotta let him come to you.
109
110	->If I didn't have you, life would be blue, I'd be ''Series/DoctorWho'' without the TARDIS,\
111	A candle without a wick, a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Watson Watson]] without a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Crick Crick]], I'd be one of [[LimitedWardrobe my outfits without a dickie]],\
112	I'd be cheese without the mac, [[Creator/SteveJobs Jobs]] without the [[Creator/SteveWozniak Wozniak]],\
113	[[MotorMouth I'd be exponential equations that use bases not found on your calculator that make it much harder to crack]].\
114	I'd be an atom without a bomb, a dot without the com, and I'd probably still live with my mom.
115	-->(chorus) And he's probably still live with his mom.
116	->Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You supported all my dreams and all my hopes.\
117	You're like uranium 235 and I'm uranium 238... almost inseparable isotopes.\
118	I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get from the moment that I met you, Bernadette.\
119	If I didn't have you, life would be dreary, I'd be string theory without any string.\
120	I'd be binary code without a one, cathode tube ray tube without an electron gun.\
121	I'd be ''Series/{{Firefly}}'', ''[[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Buffy]]'' and ''Film/{{The Avengers\|2012}}'' without Creator/JossWhedon.\
122	I'd speak a lot more [[NerdsSpeakKlingon Klingon, "ConLang Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam]]."
123	-->(chorus) And he'd definitely still live with his mom.
124	-> Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You're my best friend and my lover.\
125	We're like changing electric and magnetic fields: you can't have one without the other.\
126	I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get, from the moment that I met you Bernadette.\
127	(All together) Oh we couldn't have imagined, how good our lives would get,\
128	from the moment that we met you Bernadette.
129	-->- ''If I Didn't Have You (Bernadette'sSong)'', "The Romance Resonance"
130
131	->'''Sheldon:''' [[ItsAllAboutMe I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here.]] [[BaitAndSwitch But I'd like to set it aside.]]\
132	'''Penny:''' Whoo!\
133	'''Raj:''' Way to go!\
134	''[Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette and Raj cheer at this change.]''\
135	'''Sheldon:''' [[SoProudOfYou Because this honor doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life. Beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother and sister.]] [[TrueCompanions And my other family, who I'm so happy to have here with us.]] [[MoodWhiplash Is that]] Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer?\
136	''[Creator/SarahMichelleGellar [[TheCameo can only wave]] at Sheldon, who does the same thing while Raj grins.]''\
137	'''Sheldon:''' [[InsufferableGenius I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth.]] [[ThePowerOfFriendship I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I'd like to ask them to stand.]] [[FunnyForeigner Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.]]\
138	''[Raj stands up.]''\
139	'''Sheldon:''' [[CuteButCacophonic Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski Wolowitz.]]\
140	''[Bernadette stands up.]''\
141	'''Sheldon:''' ''[[CharacterDevelopment Astronaut]]'' [[CasanovaWannabe Howard Wolowitz.]]\
142	''[Howard stands up.]''\
143	'''Sheldon:''' [[WhereItAllBegan And my two dearest friends in the world,]] [[GirlNextDoor Penny Hofstadter]]...\
144	''[Penny stands up.]''\
145	'''Sheldon:''' [[SicklyNeuroticGeek and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.]]\
146	''[Leonard stands up.]''\
147	'''Sheldon:''' [[CallBack I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met.]] [[BookEnds He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful.]] [[CannotKeepASecret And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.]]\
148	'''Penny:''' ''(Tearfully)'' [[MySecretPregnancy Thanks, Sheldon. I- I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks!]]\
149	'''Sheldon:''' [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou Oh. Um... sorry. Don't tell anyone that last thing! That's a secret!]] [[PlatonicDeclarationOfLove Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologise if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know in my way, I love you all. And I love you. Thank you.]]
150	-->-- '''Sheldon Cooper's''' Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, "The Stockholm Syndrome"
151
152	!!Out-Of-Show Quotes
153	->"This plotline gets extra props for featuring an extended riff on the novel ''Literature/{{Flatland}}'', which makes this probably the only show I cover that could even ''possibly'' have an extended riff on the novel ''Flatland''."
154	-->--from '''Website/AVClub's''' review of episode 3x12, "The Psychic Vortex"
155

Context Quotes / TheBigBangTheory