| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 4 | ->'''Teacher:''' Now class, who can tell me how you find the square root of 98,632?\ |
| 5 | '''Gosalyn:''' (That's easy.)\ |
| 6 | '''Student:''' Is it... dividing the remainder and multiplying the decimal?\ |
| 7 | '''Gosalyn:''' (No lame brain! You hit the number with a '''[[EnergyWeapon laser]]!''' Lasers solve '''everything!''') |
| 8 | -->-- ''[[ComicBook/DarkwingDuck Darkwing Ducks: Crisis on Infinite Darkwings]]'' |
| 9 | [[/folder]] |
| 10 | |
| 11 | [[folder:Fan Works]] |
| 12 | -> ''Gumbledorp, if you don't stop, we'll starve, and no one will be around to kill everyone in the universe if we get around to bringing everyone back to life after we killed them.'' |
| 13 | -->-- '''Harry Potter''', ''Fanfic/ThirtyHs'' |
| 14 | |
| 15 | ->'''Lelouch:''' So you're going to shoot me, huh? Well the only person who shoots me is me! ''[points a gun at his head]'' Good luck trying to shoot me WHEN I'M ALREADY DEAD!\ |
| 16 | '''C.C.:''' ''[long pause]'' ... you are a whole new level of stupid.\ |
| 17 | '''Lelouch:''' Ah, but who is stupider? The one trying to kill himself, or the person trying to kill the person trying to kill himself? ''({{beat}})'' That's what I thought. |
| 18 | -->-- ''WebVideo/CodeMENT'' |
| 19 | |
| 20 | ->'''Dewey:''' Great! Now, listen!\ |
| 21 | ''[Dewey holds up some gas receipts]''\ |
| 22 | '''Dewey:''' I've been going through these old gas receipts, and I may have come up with something!\ |
| 23 | ''[Dewey uses the Duckcomputer to decypher the gas recipts and comes with a riddle]''\ |
| 24 | '''Dewey:''' If you take the last three numbers in each bar code and place them in the order of the dates purchased, and run it through the Duckcomputer, you get a secret riddle that reads, "What's red, blue, and red all over with a mustache"?\ |
| 25 | '''Louie:''' Franchise/{{Super Mario|Bros}} in a blender!\ |
| 26 | '''Dewey:''' Does this mean?!\ |
| 27 | '''Louie:''' Yes! It's a direct threat to the Italians!\ |
| 28 | '''Dewey:''' Italians? Pizza? Vatican City? Gondolas? That's it! Quackerjack is gonna bomb the St. Canard gondola system, but when?!\ |
| 29 | ''[Louie points out a note on a receipt]''\ |
| 30 | '''Louie:''' He wrote 5:00 on the back of this receipt. |
| 31 | -->--''WebAnimation/{{Ducktalez}}'' |
| 32 | |
| 33 | ->'''Dr. Crowler''': Nope! I've felt that [Blair and Elize] have been suspicious for some time now! So, that's when it hit me! I realized that there must be something hidden under your caps!\ |
| 34 | '''Chazz''': Their caps...? ''[snaps his fingers and gasps]'' Aha! I got it! The screaming girl they were hiding before... was hidden underneath one of their caps!\ |
| 35 | '''Syrus''': ''[facepalm]'' (Oh, really, Chazz? And how exactly big is this girl?) |
| 36 | -->-- ''[[https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11366280/11/ Yu-Gi-Oh Tag Force: Cherished Evolution]]'', "Chapter 11: The One to be Protected" |
| 37 | |
| 38 | ->''"Like I said, they're'' stupid''. Every bit the stubborn, ignorant 'all pirates are evil' stance that Nami had before she joined, while ''also'' not trusting the World Government, while'' also ''adopting their 'tar them with the same brush' attitude. The doublethink is actually kind of impressive."'' |
| 39 | -->-- '''[[FutureBadass Wyvern]]''' describing the Bleeding Heart Bounty Hunters, ''Fanfic/ThisBites'' |
| 40 | |
| 41 | ->'''Winter''': We ran an algorithm on your defining features, Mr. Wukong.\ |
| 42 | '''Sun''': Eh?\ |
| 43 | '''Neptune''': You're arresting him based on his abs? You do realize how insane that sounds, don't you? Are you really going to stand up in court and say he's being arrested because his abs match those of this Solar Flare guy?\ |
| 44 | '''Winter''': Mr. Wukong, you have the right to a solicitor.\ |
| 45 | '''Neptune''': ''It's his freaking abs!''\ |
| 46 | '''Winter''': His abs are suspected of working for a terrorist group. |
| 47 | -->-- ''Fanfic/ARabbitAmongWolves'' |
| 48 | |
| 49 | ->Some crazy woman had been writing letters to Ted Grant, the Wildcat, the one who used to be heavyweight champion of the world, and who used to be a super-hero, and then got to be a TV guy. She'd been stalking him, without much luck. So she tried to shoot Prez, thinking that would get Ted to answer her letters.\ |
| 50 | Why? I don't know. When you get into those states of mind, I guess, parallel lines meet, there's dimensions between the third and fourth, squaring the circle sounds simple enough, and they figure if you kill somebody, that means somebody has to return your calls.\ |
| 51 | It doesn't. Don't ever think that. |
| 52 | -->-- '''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}''', ''Fanfic/TheGoldenBoysLastTemptation'' |
| 53 | |
| 54 | ->'''K. Rool''': Soooo...[Cranky]'s a monkey.\ |
| 55 | '''Klumph''': Oh, you don't say! What gave it away?\ |
| 56 | '''K. Rool''': It was his lack of sandals! Everyone knows monkeys don't wear sandals.\ |
| 57 | '''Cranky''': [[LampshadeHanging You are a whole lot dumber than you look.]] |
| 58 | -->-- ''WebVideo/UncleAl's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gvPvQP5B9k Donkey Kong Country Abridged: Episode 2 - Ape Fool Young]]'' |
| 59 | |
| 60 | ->'''Ms. Siti''': Jianhao, your answer to a simple question like one plus one was seven. How can that be possibly correct?\ |
| 61 | '''Jianhao''': Well, you see, if you add one bunny with another bunny and they have, what, five children? That makes seven bunnies. So one plus one equals seven. |
| 62 | -->-- ''WebVideo/TitanAcademy'' |
| 63 | [[/folder]] |
| 64 | |
| 65 | [[folder:Film]] |
| 66 | ->'''Peter Quill:''' Don't forget, I'm [[HalfHumanHybrid half-human]]. So that 50% of me that's stupid? That's 100% you.\ |
| 67 | '''Tony Stark:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Your math is blowing my mind]]. |
| 68 | -->-- ''Film/AvengersInfinityWar'' |
| 69 | |
| 70 | ->''"Twelve milkmen IS theoretically possible. Thirteen is silly. Looks like there's one milkman too many, Coogan!"'' |
| 71 | -->--'''Ortiz the Dog Boy''', ''Film/{{Freaked}}'' |
| 72 | |
| 73 | ->'''Frito:''' Says here you robbed a hospital. Why'd you do that?\ |
| 74 | '''Joe:''' Yea, I'm not guilty!\ |
| 75 | '''Frito:''' That's not what the other lawyer said! |
| 76 | -->--''Film/{{Idiocracy}}'' |
| 77 | |
| 78 | ->'''Sam Emerson''': Wait, wait. You *have* a TV?\ |
| 79 | '''Grandpa Emerson''': No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV. |
| 80 | -->--''Film/TheLostBoys'' |
| 81 | |
| 82 | ->'''Pete:''' You miserable little snake! You stole from my kin! \ |
| 83 | '''Everett:''' Who was fixin' to betray us. \ |
| 84 | '''Pete:''' You didn't know that at the time! \ |
| 85 | '''Everett:''' So I borrowed it 'til I ''did'' know! \ |
| 86 | '''Pete:''' [[LampshadeHanging That don't make no sense]]! \ |
| 87 | '''Everett:''' Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. |
| 88 | -->--''Film/OBrotherWhereArtThou'' |
| 89 | |
| 90 | ->''"S-A-N-T-A. Rearrange the letters - Satan. Santa. Satan. Same letters."'' |
| 91 | -->--'''Christian White''', ''Film/SavingChristmas'' |
| 92 | |
| 93 | ->'''Simone:''' He did this to me.\ |
| 94 | '''Hoffman:''' Who did this?\ |
| 95 | '''Simone:''' Jigsaw.\ |
| 96 | '''Hoffman:''' You didn't [[AnArmAndALeg cut your own arm off]]?\ |
| 97 | '''Simone:''' I did. ''I did!'' But he made me do it.\ |
| 98 | '''Hoffman:''' And why is that?\ |
| 99 | '''Simone:''' Because [[LoanShark what Eddie and I were doing]] was wrong. We were-- ''(tearing up)'' We were ruining people's lives... He wanted us to learn.\ |
| 100 | '''Hoffman:''' [[SecretTestOfCharacter And did you]]?\ |
| 101 | '''Simone:''' ...Look at me. [[RageBreakingPoint Look at my goddamn arm]]! ''What the fuck am I supposed to learn from '''THIS''', huh!?'' |
| 102 | -->-- ''Film/SawVI'' |
| 103 | |
| 104 | ->'''[[DumbBlonde Madison]]:''' Stupid nut allergy. \ |
| 105 | '''Columbus:''' Nut allergy? \ |
| 106 | '''Madison:''' Yeah, I think it was the trail mix Wichita gave me. \ |
| 107 | '''[[DeadpanSnarker Wichita]]:''' [[SarcasmMode Who knew there were nuts in trail mix?]] \ |
| 108 | '''Madison:''' Not me. I thought it was vegan. |
| 109 | -->-- ''Film/ZombielandDoubleTap'' |
| 110 | |
| 111 | [[/folder]] |
| 112 | |
| 113 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 114 | ->'''Wax:''' Logic doesn't work on Wayne.\ |
| 115 | '''Wayne:''' I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller. It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle. |
| 116 | -->-- ''Literature/TheAlloyOfLaw'' |
| 117 | |
| 118 | ->Abu-al-Hasan claimed to have reached the kingdoms of the Sin Empire (China); ''with that peculiar logic born of hatred'', his detractors swore that he had never set foot in China and that he had blasphemed Allah in the temples of that land. |
| 119 | -->-- ''Averroe's Search'', Creator/JorgeLuisBorges |
| 120 | |
| 121 | ->"What can you do, thought Winston, against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself, who gives your arguments a fair hearing and then simply persists in his lunacy?" |
| 122 | -->--''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'' |
| 123 | |
| 124 | ->"If you argue with a madman, it is extremely probable that you will get the worst of it; for in many ways his mind moves all the quicker for not being delayed by things that go with good judgment. He is not hampered by a sense of humour or by clarity, or by the dumb certainties of experience. He is the more logical for losing certain sane affections. Indeed, the common phrase for insanity is in this respect a misleading one. The madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason." |
| 125 | -->--Creator/GKChesterton, ''Orthodoxy'' |
| 126 | [[/folder]] |
| 127 | |
| 128 | |
| 129 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 130 | ->'''Buffy:''' Your logic is not like our Earth logic.\ |
| 131 | '''Xander:''' Mine is much more advanced. |
| 132 | -->-- ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' |
| 133 | |
| 134 | ->''She (Ashley) only won because I lost. That's not a winner.'' |
| 135 | -->--'''Frank''', ''Series/HellsKitchen'' Season 15 |
| 136 | |
| 137 | ->'''Marshall:''' He's right.\ |
| 138 | '''Ted:''' No, he's not! Marshall, look at me. Do not get drawn into Barney Stinson's circus tent of funhouse mirrors and flawed logic! |
| 139 | -->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS5E06Bagpipes Bagpipes]]" |
| 140 | |
| 141 | ->'''Senator:''' But Jove, you ordered no triumphs!\ |
| 142 | '''Caligula:''' Well, ''of course'' I ordered no triumphs. Do you think I'd ordered triumphs for ''myself?!''\ |
| 143 | '''Senator:''' But you ''ordered'' us ''not to order ''any!\ |
| 144 | '''Caligula:''' Yes, and you took me at my word, didn't you? Typical! It didn't occur to you that I might be leaving it up to you for your love to show itself freely; didn't occur to you that it might be [[HypocriticalHumor my natural humility speaking!]] |
| 145 | -->-- ''Series/IClaudius'' |
| 146 | |
| 147 | ->'''Mac:''' We got a flashlight to see if we could see the bottom [of the hole] - we couldn't. Then I ''threw it down there''... y'know, to prove a point.\ |
| 148 | '''Dennis:''' What was the point?\ |
| 149 | '''Dee:''' It was something to do with how metal... travels faster than light?\ |
| 150 | '''Charlie:''' No, it was that light is either on or off, there's no speed to light. It was an anti-science thing. |
| 151 | -->-- ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'', "[[Recap/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphiaS10E09FrankRetires Frank Retires]]" |
| 152 | |
| 153 | -> ''It seemed to me that if humanoids eat chicken, then obviously they'd eat their own species. Otherwise, they'd just be picking on the chickens.'' |
| 154 | -->-- '''Kryten''', ''Series/RedDwarf'', "[[Recap/RedDwarfSeasonVIITikkaToRide Tikka to Ride]]" |
| 155 | |
| 156 | ->'''Betty:''' Amanda, I took you in when you had nowhere else to go. |
| 157 | ->'''Amanda:''' You just wanted me for your PonziScheme. |
| 158 | ->'''Betty:''' You mean the Ponzi scheme where I paid your rent and you went out shopping? |
| 159 | ->'''Amanda:''' Yeah. And I want my money back. |
| 160 | -->-- ''Series/UglyBetty'' |
| 161 | [[/folder]] |
| 162 | |
| 163 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 164 | ->''What a fool believes he sees\ |
| 165 | No wise man has the power to reason away'' |
| 166 | -->-- '''Music/TheDoobieBrothers''', "What A Fool Believes" |
| 167 | [[/folder]] |
| 168 | |
| 169 | [[folder:Theatre]] |
| 170 | ->'''Karen:''' I can cure Sex Cancer! |
| 171 | ->'''Gretchen:''' Sex Cancer doesn't exist. |
| 172 | ->'''Karen:''' ({{beat}}) ... I did it! |
| 173 | -->-- ''Theatre/MeanGirls'' |
| 174 | [[/folder]] |
| 175 | |
| 176 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 177 | ->'''Killer''': Yeah? So what's your point? All I did was put people in here. It's the world that really kills them, isn't it? This world reflects people's thoughts... Which... Oh dear... Does that mean the real culprits are everyone on the outside, including you?\ |
| 178 | '''Yosuke''': ''[[ShutUpHannibal To hell with that!]]'' You did that stuff knowing full well those people were gonna die! If that's not a crime, then ''what is''!? |
| 179 | -->-- ''VideoGame/Persona4'' |
| 180 | [[/folder]] |
| 181 | |
| 182 | [[folder:Visual Novels]] |
| 183 | ->'''Byakuya Togami''': Well then, let's discuss the specifics of the victim. First, we need to clarify who exactly the unidentified victim is.\ |
| 184 | '''Yasuhiro Hagakure''': It's Kyoko! There's no other explanation!\ |
| 185 | '''Toko Fukawa''': But Kyoko's standing right there...!\ |
| 186 | '''Hagakure''': No! That's a ghost!\ |
| 187 | '''Aoi Asahina''': But...she has legs and stuff.\ |
| 188 | '''Hagakure''': Well that's just because... she's like the latest evolution in ghost technology!\ |
| 189 | '''Byakuya''': [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe There's a limit to how much ridiculousness I can tolerate...]] |
| 190 | -->-- ''VisualNovel/DanganronpaTriggerHappyHavoc'' |
| 191 | |
| 192 | ->'''Susato Mikotoba''': Have you perhaps... managed to deduce anything else?\ |
| 193 | '''Herlock Sholmes''': But of course. A great many things. There is no mystery, my dear madam. For example... you have fled your native land of ''Russia'', being, as you are, ''a merciless revolutionary''! You leave ''sixteen'' victims of ''assassination'' in your wake, and now travel to England to blow up ''the Crystal Tower''! And! When the ''beribboned'' occupant of this very cabin discovered your identity, you ''ended his life'', too!\ |
| 194 | '''Ryunosuke Naruhodo''': ...\ |
| 195 | '''Sholmes''': Yes... I believe that summarises the facts beautifully. No need to hide the truth now. Nothing deceives these eyes.\ |
| 196 | '''Ryunosuke''': Erm, just to be clear... you are talking about me, right? |
| 197 | -->-- ''VisualNovel/TheGreatAceAttorney'' |
| 198 | [[/folder]] |
| 199 | |
| 200 | [[folder:Web Comics]] |
| 201 | ->'''Red Mage:''' Most plans are '''critically''' flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has '''no attachment''' to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any given step will have no effect on the macro level.\ |
| 202 | '''Black Mage:''' That's so stupid I can't even see straight any more. |
| 203 | -->-- ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater'' |
| 204 | |
| 205 | ->''"Aha! If I am nuts, then who was the nutcracker?"'' |
| 206 | -->-- '''General Grievous''', ''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids'' |
| 207 | |
| 208 | ->'''Helix:''' Our ship isn't like a dirigible. Dirigibles go up because of helium.\ |
| 209 | '''Sam:''' We have a fusion engine. When it makes helium, our ship goes up. See? There's no major difference between our ship and a dirigible.\ |
| 210 | '''Helix:''' ''[thinking]'' I think...I will only...talk to Florence about technology. When I talk to Sam...my brain keeps trying to lock up. |
| 211 | -->-- ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' |
| 212 | |
| 213 | ->''"Helix, why is it that every time you think, it's ''my'' head that hurts?"'' |
| 214 | -->--'''Sam''', ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' |
| 215 | |
| 216 | ->''"Your logic is as compelling as it is flawed."'' |
| 217 | -->--'''[[DeadpanSnarker Myrhad]]''', ''Webcomic/ChasingTheSunset'' |
| 218 | |
| 219 | ->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Susan]]:''' ... I think you've injured my brain.\ |
| 220 | '''Tedd:''' Injured it with ''logic!''\ |
| 221 | '''Susan:''' Sure. Let's call it "logic". |
| 222 | -->-- ''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'', [[http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2008-05-05]] |
| 223 | |
| 224 | -> '''Stumpy''': What are you doing? |
| 225 | -> '''Bob''': Interviewing pedophiles for my circus. |
| 226 | -> '''Stumpy''': Pardon me? Your ''circus?'' |
| 227 | -> '''Bob''': The only circus in the world where all the performers are convicted pedophiles! Child-raping scum! Think of it-a circus no parent would '''''ever''''' bring their kids to! I can't lose! It's a guaranteed money-maker! |
| 228 | -> '''Stumpy''': I'm not sure I follow your reasoning... |
| 229 | -->-- ''Webcomic/BobTheAngryFlower'' |
| 230 | |
| 231 | -> '''Cashier:''' sorry sir your card has been declined \ |
| 232 | '''Customer:''' then i would like to apply for your stores ''[[StylisticSuck (sic)]]'' credit card \ |
| 233 | '''Cashier:''' ok.. \ |
| 234 | '''Customer:''' ''(while MilkingTheGiantCow)'' '''infinite unending money''' |
| 235 | -->-- ''Webcomic/FlorkOfCows'' [[https://twitter.com/FlorkOfCows/status/1350981448359096324 (link)]] |
| 236 | |
| 237 | ->'''[[TheMistress Rashta]]:''' We're sister now because we have the same husband. |
| 238 | ->'''[[TheHighQueen Navier]]''': ''[appalled]'' What? |
| 239 | -->-- ''Manhwa/TheRemarriedEmpress'' |
| 240 | |
| 241 | [[/folder]] |
| 242 | |
| 243 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 244 | ->'''Yellow Guy:''' I choose a pizza slice! Bread and cheese and tastes of nice!\ |
| 245 | '''Spinach Can:''' What's that? A pizza slice? You're better off with plain white sauce!\ |
| 246 | '''Steak:''' What's that? Plain white sauce? Plain white sauce makes your teeth go grey!\ |
| 247 | '''Fridge:''' Doesn't matter! Just throw it away! Why not try something else on your tray?\ |
| 248 | ... |
| 249 | ->'''Spinach Can:''' What's that? Your kidney spleen? Kidney spleens make your teeth go grey!\ |
| 250 | '''Fridge:''' Well, everyone has their teeth go grey! Just eat yeast and it will go away!\ |
| 251 | '''Steak:''' But how much have you had today? Too much yeast makes your teeth go grey! |
| 252 | -->-- ''WebVideo/DontHugMeImScared 5'' |
| 253 | |
| 254 | ->'''Steve''': You have redeemed the cards in your own fucking account! Do you understand that?\ |
| 255 | '''Kitboga''': Steve, Steve. What are you talking about, honey? What are you talking about?\ |
| 256 | '''Steve''': You have redeemed the cards in your own fucking account! [[SuddenlyShouting I DON'T GET IT!]] I supposed to redeem those cards in my computer but you redeemed those cards in your own computer and you took your money back!!! Why the hell were you typing the numbers in the computer?!? You should have-\ |
| 257 | '''Kitboga''': Steve, calm down. Calm down. Tell me.\ |
| 258 | '''Steve''': I was telling you, I was requesting you, I was pleading you, not to do that. But you were not listening to me! WHY? |
| 259 | -->-- ''WebVideo/{{Kitboga}}'', the saga of Steve the Angriest Scammer after Kitboga redeems the Google Play cards, ruining the scam. |
| 260 | |
| 261 | [[/folder]] |
| 262 | |
| 263 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 264 | ->''Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.'' |
| 265 | -->-- '''Stan Smith''', ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'', "Stannie Get Your Gun" |
| 266 | |
| 267 | -> ''"[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ6Ex8E1q50&list=FLM2CFpnQLwo2DUJ6zebbNmA&index=41 Bleach is healthy. It's mostly water. We're mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach.]]"'' |
| 268 | -->-- '''Nathan Explosion''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Metalocalypse}}'' |
| 269 | |
| 270 | ->'''Ren:''' What kind of a psychologist are you?!\ |
| 271 | '''Mr. [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Horse]]:''' Psychologist?! ''Are you nuts?!'' '''''I'm a horse!''''' |
| 272 | -->-- ''[[WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow Ren and Stimpy's Adult Party Cartoon]]'', "Ren Seeks Help" |
| 273 | |
| 274 | ->'''Mr. Robinson''': Darn it! I know they're up there. Get in there and arrest those vandals!\ |
| 275 | '''Donut Cop''': Not without a warrant sir.\ |
| 276 | '''Mr. Robinson''': Arrgh! I pay my taxes, and that pays your salary. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Ergo, I'm. Your. Boss!]] NOW GET IN THERE AND DO YOUR JOB!! |
| 277 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'', [[Recap/TheAmazingWorldofGumballS1E31TheCar "The Car"]] |
| 278 | |
| 279 | -> '''Gumball''': You see, Darwin, this tree is made up of lots of little bits, which themselves are made up of bits, which are made up of the smallest bits of all; circles. And food is also made out of circles. So if everything is made out of circles, then that means everything is food. Therefore, this rock is exactly like a chicken nugget. |
| 280 | -> '''Darwin''': Let's eat it! |
| 281 | -> [both bite rock and break their teeth on it.] |
| 282 | -> '''Darwin''': Chicken nugget tastes like a rock. |
| 283 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'', ''The Picnic'' |
| 284 | |
| 285 | -> '''Darwin:''' Uh, dude, it says this thing can only support two people. |
| 286 | -> '''Gumball:''' Don't worry, I know exactly what to do. [begins jumping up and down on the lift] |
| 287 | -> '''Darwin:''': What are you doing?! |
| 288 | -> '''Gumball''' I figure if I jump up and down, then I'm only half the weight of a person. |
| 289 | -> '''Darwin:''' So if we both do it, then it's like we're only one person! [also begins jumping up and down] |
| 290 | -> ''[lift breaks]'' |
| 291 | -> '''Gumball:''' Eh, we should have done it at the same time. |
| 292 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'', ''The Mothers'' |
| 293 | |
| 294 | -> Look, yes, I have banged hundreds of broads, internationally, but know this, I wrap my rascal TWO times, 'cause I like it to be joyless and without sensation, as a way of punishing supermodels. |
| 295 | -->-- '''Master Shake''', ''WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce'' |
| 296 | |
| 297 | ->'''Sir Loin:''' Ok so these flies come here to eat this [garbage]. They spit on their food, right? They do that to eat, and guess what they're spitting out: acid.\ |
| 298 | '''Meatwad:''' Don't you see Frylock? He's gonna use all that fly spit to melt down the walls of the First National Bank.\ |
| 299 | '''Sir Loin:''' Exactly!\ |
| 300 | '''Meatwad:''' [[RightForTheWrongReasons He's angry at banks!]]\ |
| 301 | '''Sir Loin:''' Hate the ban-? Stupid-ass meatball motha([[SoundEffectBleep cowbell]]) I melt the walls so I can get the money.. |
| 302 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce'' |
| 303 | |
| 304 | ->''Kerosene is fuel, Brian. Red Bull is fuel. [[TooDumbToLive Kerosene is Red Bull]].'' |
| 305 | -->-- '''Peter Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' |
| 306 | |
| 307 | ->'''[[{{Jerkass}} Scrooge]]''': You realize if you give money to the poor, they won't be poor anymore, will they? |
| 308 | ->'''First alms collector''': Well, I— |
| 309 | ->'''Scrooge''': And, if they're not poor anymore, then you won't have to raise money for them anymore. |
| 310 | ->'''Second alms collector''': Well, I suppose— |
| 311 | ->'''Scrooge''': And if you don't have to raise money for them anymore, then you'd be out of a job. Oh, please, gentlemen, don't ask me to put you out of a job! Not on Christmas Eve! |
| 312 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/MickeysChristmasCarol'' |
| 313 | |
| 314 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' I hate you, Patrick. |
| 315 | ->'''Patrick:''' I hate you more. |
| 316 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' I'd hate you no matter what. |
| 317 | ->'''Patrick:''' Yeah, well, I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you. |
| 318 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''({{Beat}})'' [[LampshadeHanging I'd hate you even if that made sense]]. |
| 319 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants,'' "New Student Starfish" |
| 320 | |
| 321 | ->'''ComicBook/{{Venom}}:''' And now… [[DramaticUnmask the moment of truth…]]\ |
| 322 | '''ComicBook/SpiderMan:''' Sure! How about a close-up? ''(hits Venom with a reporter's camera and escapes)''\ |
| 323 | '''Venom:''' That ''proves'' it! If he wasn't Parker, would he resist this much?\ |
| 324 | '''Reporter 1:''' Hey, the creep's got a point!\ |
| 325 | '''Reporter 2:''' Yeah, show us your face!\ |
| 326 | '''Reporter 3:''' Prove you're ''not'' Parker!\ |
| 327 | '''Spider-Man:''' [[LampshadeHanging C'mon, just 'cause I'm not Parker doesn't mean I'll reveal who I am! It's called a "secret" identity!]] Besides, Smiley here's a half-alien symbiote, [[ObviouslyEvil you can't trust those things!]]\ |
| 328 | '''Venom:''' [[ShoutOutToShakespeare The spider doth protest too much]], [[RoyalWe wethinks.]] |
| 329 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSpectacularSpiderMan'', "Identity Crisis" |
| 330 | |
| 331 | ->''"You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns -- in case some ''maniac'' tries to sneak in with a ladder!"'' |
| 332 | -->--'''Grunkle Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'' |
| 333 | |
| 334 | ->'''Dib:''' STOP! WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!\ |
| 335 | '''Zim:''' YOU'RE UGLY WHEN YOU LIE, DIB!\ |
| 336 | '''Dib:''' I'M NOT LYING!\ |
| 337 | '''Zim:''' THEN, WHY ARE YOU UGLY!? |
| 338 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/InvaderZimEnterTheFlorpus'' |
| 339 | |
| 340 | ->'''Lucy:''' What does [[Music/LudwigVanBeethoven Beethoven]] got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how great Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great!\ |
| 341 | '''Schroeder:''' What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?!\ |
| 342 | '''Lucy:''' ''[[{{Beat}} (beat)]]'' He never got his picture printed on bubblegum cards. Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hm? How can you say someone's great when they've never had their picture on bubblegum cards?\ |
| 343 | '''Schroeder:''' Good grief... |
| 344 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/ACharlieBrownChristmas'' |
| 345 | [[/folder]] |
| 346 | |
| 347 | |
| 348 | [[folder:Real Life]] |
| 349 | ->"You cannot reason a person out of a position he did not reason himself into in the first place.” |
| 350 | -->-- Creator/JonathanSwift |
| 351 | [[/folder]] |
| 352 |
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