Line #26 Quotes/IKEAErotica


1	-> ''"I used to write pornography when I was younger. It wasn't terribly erotic, but it was ''detailed''..."''
2	-->--'''[[StandUpComedy Simon Evans]]'''
3
4	->All you’re doing is smacking your nuts against someone, and nothing is going in.
5	-->--'''Creator/HenryCavill''' on ''Series/TheTudors''
6
7	->While ''{{Film/Fifty Shades\|Of Grey}}'' is more ribald than the average film, its sex scenes feel as pre-fabricated as any CGI-laden action sequence in an average blockbuster—they're fine here but could easily be at home in a Dior commercial... Imagine if [[Creator/SamPeckinpah Peckinpah’s]] lens lovingly captured guns for an hour but never bothered to show the squibs.
8	-->--'''[[http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=25905&reviewer=429 Brett Gallman]]'''
9
10	-> ''"Quite. After all, sex is just a couple of electrified water bags wobbling on each other repeatedly and then squirting amino-acids about."''
11	-->-- '''Webcomic/{{xkcd}} forums'''
12
13	->''"I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!"''
14	-->-- '''Zack''', ''Film/ZackAndMiriMakeAPorno''
15
16	->''"I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sex."''
17	-->-- '''Chandler''', ''Series/{{Friends}}''
18
19	->''"I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse."''
20	-->-- '''Phoebe''', ''Series/{{Friends}}''
21
22	->''"Rendered in a labyrinthine and frequently unintelligible grammar, the truly awful query is often notable for its length, its torrid verbosity, and the mechanical specificity of its sex scenes, which tend to read like appliance-repair manuals in their exhaustive and emotionless depictions of moving parts. "''
23	-->-- '''[[http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/a-good-author-is-hard-to-find/Content?oid=2820559 The Rejectionist]]'''
24
25	->[[MemeticMutation ''1) Put [=pOnOs=] (A) to [=vagOOO=] (B).'']]\
26	''2) JAM IT IN!''\
27	''3) ????''\
28	''4) [[MissingStepsPlan PROFIT!]]''
29	-->-- from a ''[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Fate/stay night]]'' parody comic
30
31	->''"Oh, Gwen! Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus! Oh, I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate. I'm releasing some of my seminal fluids inside of you now!"''
32	-->-- '''Richard Bagg''', ''Film/VanWilder''
33
34	->''"Come here, gorgeous. Let's make two and a half minutes of squelching noises."''
35	-->-- '''Richard Madoc''', to Calliope, ''ComicBook/TheSandman'': "Calliope"
36
37	->''"He whisked off her shoes and panties in one movement, wild like an enraged shark, his bulky totem beating a seductive rhythm. Mary's body felt like it was burning, even though the room was properly air-conditioned. They tried all the positions: on top, doggy, and normal. Exhausted, they collapsed on to the recently extended sofa bed. [[DiabolusExMachina Then a hellbeast ate them.]]"''
38	-->-- '''Garth Merenghi''', ''Series/GarthMarenghisDarkplace''
39
40	->''"I should warn you, because of the turgid, pedestrian prose and frank sexual nature of the following, young children and English majors might want to skip ahead."''
41	-->-- '''Creator/AlFranken''', ''Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right'', on a sex scene from ''Those Who Trespass'' by Bill O'Reilly
42
43	->''"I AM THRUSTING MY MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION PERSIMMON!"''
44	-->-- '''[=Born2Bone=]''' ([[spoiler:Al Gore]]) to '''[=HunniBunni=]''' ([[spoiler:Tipper Gore]]) during a cybersex session, ''Creator/DaveBarry In Cyberspace''
45
46	->''"Bit faster? ({{beat}}) More motion. Not like that, more motion. You're all in out, in out, like you're trying to shut a drawer back into a filing cabinet."''
47	-->-- '''Nicola''', ''Series/BlackMirror: [[Recap/BlackMirrorHangTheDJ Hang the DJ]]''
48
49	->''"Oh that goes in there, then that goes in there, then that goes in there, then that goes in there, oooh-ooooh, and then it's over."''
50	-->-- '''Music/{{Pulp}}''', ''This Is Hardcore''
51
52	->''Edna [...] resumed her typing of Naked Love by Armand Levine. Its painstaking eroticism left her uninterested — as indeed it did most of Mr Levine’s readers, in spite of his efforts. He was a notable example of the fact that nothing can be duller than dull pornography. In spite of lurid jackets and provocative titles, his sales went down every year, and his last typing bill had already been sent in three times.''
53	-->--''Literature/TheClocks''
54
55	->''I wash down the pipe. I investigate the inside.''
56	-->One of the several lines in the fangame Phoenix Drive which attempts to be erotic.
57
58	->''He then inserted tab A into slot B and repeated. He finished assembly quickly in under 2 minutes, but his partner was unsatisfied with the results and they had to return the bed back to the store.''
59	--> '''''WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice''''', "Lovemaking Scenes"

Context Quotes / IKEAErotica