| 1 | ->'''Pearl:''' Which lousy gift would you rather get? Dumb socks or an ugly sweater? |
| 2 | ->'''Marina:''' Uh... How about neither? No one wants to open that up on [[YouMeanXmas Octivus]] morning! [[VerbalBackspace OH! Or Squidmas morning!]] Whichever holiday you...um...happen to celebrate. |
| 3 | ->'''Pearl:''' I feel you. But if I HAAAAAD to choose, I'd go with the sweater. A sweater shows that they at least put a LITTLE effort into finding a gift. Plus you can return a sweater for more money than socks... |
| 4 | ->'''Marina:''' Yeah, I guess. But returning gifts is always such a hassle. Let's be real—it'll still be in a box in your closet two years from now. |
| 5 | -->-- ''VideoGame/Splatoon2'' |
| 6 | |
| 7 | ->'''Adam:''' You know, some would say these antlers I'm wearing would be emasculating, but they'd be wrong.\ |
| 8 | '''Morgan:''' You're right, Adam. It's the ''sweater'' that makes you look gay. |
| 9 | -->--''Series/XPlay'' "Non-Denominational Holiday Special" |
| 10 | |
| 11 | ->"Oh, my God! Is that sweater made of bees?" |
| 12 | -->--'''Penny''', ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'' |
| 13 | |
| 14 | ->''You don't know what's worse: the embarrassingly quaint "elf on reindeer" motif, or the fact that wearing it makes you feel like you're wrapped in a dead sasquatch.'' |
| 15 | -->--''VideoGame/CookieClicker'' |
| 16 | |
| 17 | ->''Made of wool with a holiday print''\ |
| 18 | ''Mine's so black it'll make you squint''\ |
| 19 | ''Sure I itch, but that'll get better''\ |
| 20 | ''When I get used to my holiday sweater'' |
| 21 | -->--'''Alex Stalock''', [[UsefulNotes/NationalHockeyLeague San Jose Sharks]] goaltender, on the team-sung single "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlReCoTDM4o Holiday Sweater]]" |
| 22 | |
| 23 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Do you love it? |
| 24 | ->'''Squidward:''' ''(scratching)'' It's a little itchy. What's this thing made of? |
| 25 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''Eyelashes!'' |
| 26 | ->''(Squidward tosses the sweater at his face, hurting his feelings)'' |
| 27 | -->--''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', "[[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS2E4DyingForPieImitationKrabs Dying for Pie]]" |
| 28 | |
| 29 | ->'''Huey, Louie, Dewey:''' And Santa, no wool sweaters, please! |
| 30 | ->'''Huey:''' They make us itch! |
| 31 | ->'''Louie:''' And they make us sneeze -- AHCHOO! |
| 32 | -->-- "Dear Santa", ''WesternAnimation/DisneySingAlongSongs: The Twelve Days of Christmas'' |
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