Line #15 Quotes/HistoricalHeroUpgrade


1	->''"My beloved people, I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and the wingspan of an albatross and the left hook of a heavyweight Champ!"''
2	-->-- '''Queen Elizabeth''', ''Webcomic/HarkAVagrant''
3
4	->''But you know they gonna whitewash me\
5	Make up some corny shit about me chopping cherry trees\
6	It's hard to control a people if their founder's a thug\
7	So they'll teach that I was all prayers, puppies and hugs!''
8	-->-- '''George Washington''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABhyKEK-CDg Founding Fathers]], [[Series/WhitestKidsUKnow Trevor Moore]]''
9
10	->''There are precious few at ease\
11	With moral ambiguities\
12	So we act as though they don't exist...''
13	-->--'''The Wizard''', ''Theatre/{{Wicked}}''
14
15	->''In [[RealLife reality]], [[Film/{{Braveheart}} William Wallace]] was actually a well funded militant separatist with extreme political views who attacked a larger, more organised society using guerilla tactics and no regard for civilian casualties. His biggest attack? Pulled on'' September 11th! ''Never forget. Even in the past.\
16	The Literature/ColdMountain guy was real, but there's no record of him abandoning his post for love. There's just a record of him abandoning his post. Twice. And now he's Creator/JudeLaw.\
17	... by all accounts, ''Film/{{Rudy}}'' is kind of a prick. Oh, and speaking of pricks, every one of the ''Film/ThreeHundred'' dudes was both boned by an older man as a child, and boned a child before leaving for battle...\
18	I mean, for God's sake, ''Film/{{The Patriot\|2000}}'' would have been about a guy burning churches, slaughtering unarmed Cherokee and raping his female slaves. That's what the real guy Creator/MelGibson was playing did. Over here in life, where [[CrapsackWorld everything is awful]].''
19	-->--'''Website/{{Cracked}}''', ''[[http://www.cracked.com/video_18745_8-famous-movies-that-are-saved-by-historical-inaccuracies.html 8 Famous Movies That Are Saved by Historical Inaccuracies]]''
20
21	->''"One of the most despicable, ruthless, falsely publicized characters in the American western folklore, [[UsefulNotes/JesseJames Jesse Woodson James]], a true bastard. He was so low that his first job was to rob a train with his brother, and the train was a hospital train filled with wounded soldiers. They killed all the wounded soldiers and took the few dollars...That was Jesse James...He was no good. But thanks to many pop-magazine writers, he was celebrated and, over a period of years, he became a hero."''
22	-->-- '''Creator/SamuelFuller''', whose film ''Film/IShotJesseJames'' [[{{Irony}} was an attempt at revisionism]].
23
24	->''"It doesn't matter. I won't be in the history books anyway, only you. Franklin did this and Franklin did that and Franklin did some other damn thing. Franklin smote the ground and out sprang George Washington, fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod and the three of them - Franklin, Washington, and the horse - conducted the entire revolution by themselves."''
25	-->-- '''John Adams''', ''Theatre/SeventeenSeventySix''[[note]]And not too far from what he wrote in reality, either. The horse is artistic license.[[/note]]
26
27	->''Charles George Gordon functioned as example and as symbol. He seemed for many years and for a large section of the British public to have been the best of his race, embodying those traits most dearly admired by Victorian England: bravery, religious humility, honesty, resourcefulness, an innate sense of justice, and a real but manly feeling for the unfortunate. This was how the English nation liked to think of itself...The public needs a constantly fresh supply of heroic figures, and it is only when a national figure is catapulted beyond his time that he survives in the national Valhalla. We could point to people such as [[UsefulNotes/HoratioNelson Nelson]], or perhaps [[UsefulNotes/WinstonChurchill Churchill]], for contrast. Nelson lasts in the national mythology because he has been made to embody national qualities of courage and daring connected with the sea which are still admired in the English consciousness. Similarly with Churchill: he is thought to stand for a kind of bulldog determination never to give in, although fighting against overwhelming odds...Gordon shares many of the qualities necessary to the heroic figure, qualities which may be said to be universally admired. He might have succeeded had he not been tainted [[UsefulNotes/TheBritishEmpire by the smell of imperialism]], a doctrine which is in very bad odor in the twentieth century. It is hard to admire wholeheartedly the man who stood for [[WhiteMansBurden the imposition of white civilization]] on non-white peoples; he needs constant apologies and explanations.''
28	-->-- '''Cynthia F. Behrman''', ''The Afterlife of General Gordon''
29
30	->''Who can we collect in Horrible Heroes? Blackbeard! Not much of a hero; sort of murderous pirate. Tudor executioner! Very much not a hero from any stretch of the imagination. Genghis Khan! Again, not particularly heroic. Alexander The Great! Yeah? Um, uh... well, very successful, but not somebody you would call a hero. William The Conqueror! Um, again, not many people would heroise him. Random Viking berserker. Right, so a man renowned basically for murdering lots of, uh, people, raping and pillaging and going red in the face while shouting a lot and hitting people with an axe and he's a hero, apparently. Bodecea... Boudica or however they pronounce it this week; well, yeah, she could be seen as actually a heroine. And highwayman. Literally... a very dangerous mugger. Brilliant. So that's your 'heroes', is it? Only one of them can be described as 'heroic', really. And it's a woman, so it would be 'heroine', so well done!''
31	-->--'''[[WebVideo/StuartAshen Dr. Stuart Ashen]]''' reviewing a ''{{Literature/Horrible Histories}}''-themed blind bag.[[note]]And as [[HistoricalHeroUpgrade the main page]] points out, even Boudica couldn't really be called 'heroic', having murdered tens of thousands of people, including defenceless civilians.[[/note]]
32
33	->''"After the election this same Cardinal will be equally shocked that the [[UsefulNotes/ThePope Holy Father]] has [[BadHabits a mistress]], [[HidingBehindReligion and bastards]]. Ooooh. Because that would be shocking in 2001, but [[UsefulNotes/TheRenaissance in 1492]] this had been true of [[CorruptChurch every pope]] for [[FairForItsDay the past century]]. In fact, Cardinal Shocked-all-the-time, according to the writers you are supposed to be none other than [[UsefulNotes/PopeJuliusII Giuliano della Rovere]]. Giuliano “[[BadassPreacher Battle-Pope]]” della Rovere! You have [[GreyAndGrayMorality a mistress]]! And a daughter! And [[{{Exaggerated}} a brothel]]! And an [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking elephant]]! And [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs take your elephant to your brothel]]! And you’re [[NoodleIncident stalking]] [[Creator/MichelangeloBuonarroti Michelangelo]]! And foreign powers lent you 300,000 ducats to spend bribing other people to vote for you in ''this'' election! And we’re supposed to believe you are shocked by simony? That is not [[DeliberateValuesDissonance historicity]]. It is applying some historical names to some made-up dudes and having them lecture us on why'' [we]'' should be shocked."''
34	-->-- ''"Series/TheBorgias" vs. "[[{{Series/Borgia}} Borgia: Faith and Fear]]" ([[https://www.exurbe.com/the-borgias-vs-borgia-faith-and-fear/ accuracy in historical fiction]])''
35
36	->'''Doctor''': I remember ''this'' man.\
37	'''Quarren''': Tedran. He was a martyr to our people.\
38	'''Doctor''': Some martyr. He led the Kyrian attack against ''Voyager''.\
39	'''Quarren''': You're lying!\
40	'''Doctor''': I was there.\
41	'''Quarren''': You're trying to protect yourself.\
42	'''Doctor''': And so are you - [[IRejectYourReality from the truth]]. Isn't it a coincidence that the Kyrians are being portrayed in the best possible light? [[BlackAndWhiteInsanity Martyrs, heroes, saviors.]] Obviously, events have been [[PoliticallyCorrectHistory reinterpreted to make your people feel better about themselves]]. Revisionist history. It's such a comfort.
43	-->-- ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Living Witness"
44
45	->''In fourteen-hundred and ninety-two\
46	Columbus sailed the ocean blue\
47	He had three ships, he sailed from Spain\
48	A first rate hat 'top a second rate brain\
49	He sailed by night, he sailed by day\
50	Will somebody tell him he sailed the wrong way?\
51	He's cruel, he rules through thuggery\
52	Yet he's praised for the New World's discovery\
53	Are we sure he deserves his own day?\
54	Wed've found this stuff anyway.''
55	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/Animaniacs2020'', UsefulNotes/ChristopherColumbus song
56
57	->''The history of [[UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution our Revolution]] will be one continued lie from one end to the other. The essence of the whole will be that Dr. Franklin's electrical rod smote the Earth and out sprung General Washington. That Franklin electrified him with his rod, and thence forward these two conducted all the policy, negotiations, legislatures and war.''
58	-->-- '''UsefulNotes/JohnAdams'''
59

Context Quotes / HistoricalHeroUpgrade