Line #57 Quotes/HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday


1	[[AC:Comic Books]]
2	->''"Okay, I'll make friends with [Weasel] again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya!"''
3	-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool''
4
5	[[AC:Fan Works]]
6	->Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY.
7	-->--''Fanfic/LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami''
8
9	->I luv u 2 Link becuz ur a guy and im strate.
10	-->--'''Sara''', ''Fanfic/SupperSmashBrosMishonhFromGod''
11
12	->'''Mio''': "Hello, boys and girls! We're so glad to see you all! Especially the boys! We like to look at boys! Right, Azusa?"
13	->'''Azusa''': "Whatever."
14	->'''Mio''': "Right! We love boys! 'Cause we're girls! GIRL POWER!"
15	-->-- ''Fanfic/TangledUpInIndigo''
16
17	->''"Rico, my close but strictly heterosexual war buddy, I've fallen in lust with a hot space pilot with amazing hooters!"''
18	-->-- '''Dix Hauzer''', ''[[Film/StarshipTroopers3Marauder Starship Hooters 3: Undresser]]''
19
20	[[AC:Film -- Live-Action]]
21	->I'm so straight that when I bought my house, the first thing I did was board up the back door! Know why? Because MY asshole's JUST for shitting!
22	-->-- '''"Straight Dave"''', ''Film/{{Bruno}}''
23
24	->Yeah. Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [a car horn honks, which seems to snap him out of it] Ewww, you fucking faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!
25	-->-- '''Jay''', ''Film/{{Clerks}}''
26
27	->I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but...[[RunningGag (increasingly homoerotic statement).]]
28	-->-- '''Dave the Lighting Guy''', ''Film/{{Orgazmo}}''
29
30	->''I'm not gay, but if I was, I would want equal rights\
31	I'm not gay, but if I were, I would marry who I like?\
32	It's not fair - I'm not gay - that the government has a say\
33	In who can love who (not gay)\
34	Or to which god you can pray (I'm n'gay)''
35	-->-- '''[=Conner4Real=]''', "Equal Rights", ''Film/PopstarNeverStopNeverStopping''
36
37	[[AC:Literature]]
38	->''The firemen were very upset that there was no fire.''\
39	''"Catch that gay little monkey!" they cried.''\
40	''"Hey, relax with the labeling!" thought George as he tried to run away.''
41	-->-- ''Bi-Curious George'' (A ''Literature/CuriousGeorge'' parody)
42
43	->"Yes, there's nothing like a good-smelling man," said John dreamily. Suddenly we were all very uncomfortable and there was a lot of throat-clearing and coughing and we all walked a few paces farther apart. (I haven't told you about John yet, have I?) Then John started to make a great and pathetic show of noticing the women as they passed. "Why, that little heifer would give a man some strong sons," John said in a booming and falsely masculine voice. "A man could surely plant some seed there, he could."
44	-->-- ''Literature/LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff''
45
46	[[AC:Live-Action TV]]
47	->'''Creator/HughLaurie''': You do, Kevin, you look absolutely fabulous. If I was homosexual, I'd want to buy you a drink at the very least. \
48	'''Kevin [=McNally=]''': Thanks. If I was homosexual, I'd have a pint of lager.\
49	'''Hugh''': As it is, I like birds.\
50	'''Kevin''': Me too.
51	-->-- ''Series/ABitOfFryAndLaurie'', "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yOVRKNskcU#t=033 Fascion]]"
52
53	->''"We live across the hall. No! We don't live 'together'. I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms."''
54	-->-- '''Leonard''', introducing himself and Sheldon to Penny, ''Series/TheBigBangTheory''
55
56	->''"Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman, with nice, heavy breasts."''
57	-->-- '''Captain Raymond Holt''',[[note]]He is openly gay and married to a man, but in this scenario is undercover as "Greg", a straight widower[[/note]] ''Series/BrooklynNineNine''
58
59	->"Ice! I like ice! Heterosexuals like ice!"
60	-->-- '''Ellen Morgan''' (played by [[Creator/EllenDegeneres Ellen DeGeneres]]), ''Series/{{Ellen}}''
61
62	->'''Santana:''' All I know is, you blew me off. To be with Stubbles Mc-cripplepants. Fine. Your loss. Cause now, I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're gonna sing at Regionals.\
63	'''Brittany:''' Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you told me you were in love with me.\
64	'''Santana:''' I honestly don't know what I was thinking...could you stop staring at me, I can't remember my locker combo.
65	-->-- ''Series/{{Glee}}'', "Original Song"
66
67	->I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!
68	-->-- '''[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Tom Servo]]''', mocking Watney Smith in ''[[Literature/{{Gor}} Outlaw Of Gor]]''
69
70	->Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but for the record — if [[YaoiFangirl anyone out there]] still cares — ''I'm'' not actually gay.
71	-->-- '''John Watson''', ''{{Series/Sherlock}}''
72
73	->''[On arriving at a dinner setting that is surprisingly romantic]''\
74	'''President Bartlet:''' They thought I was going to be eating with Abbey, so...\
75	'''Leo:''' I know.\
76	'''Bartlet:''' We'll just, y'know, pretend there's no candlelight.\
77	'''Leo:''' [[LampshadeHanging And that we're not paranoid homophobes in any way.]]\
78	'''Bartlet:''' Yeah.
79	-->-- ''Series/TheWestWing'', "The Stackhouse Filibuster"
80
81	->Well. That's the first time I've ever seen a man "in" himself.
82	-->-- '''Frasier Crane''' after [[AmbiguouslyGay Gil Chesterton]] states he's married to a woman, ''Series/{{Frasier}}''
83
84	[[AC:Music]]
85	->''"Now I'm gonna make you dance, get your chance\
86	Yeah, boy, shake that ass...\
87	[[LastSecondWordSwap ...Oops! I mean, girl! Girl, girl, girl!]]\
88	Girl, you know you're my world"''
89	-->-- '''Music/{{Eminem}}''', "Just Lose It"
90
91	->''I've seen his jawline, shoulders, and muscles\
92	Push against his fashion sense\
93	I've thought about what he looks like nude\
94	I'm not gay, though''
95	-->-- '''Music/WilburSoot''', "Your New Boyfriend"
96
97	->''On top of guns, I know karate and ninja stuff\
98	So if you come at me, I'll trip you and I'll [[FreudianSlip suck your nuts.]]\
99	I- I mean I'll punch your nuts...\
100	Sucking them would be gay.\
101	And I'm totally not gay. I like V-A-G-I-N-A''
102	-->-- '''Music/JonLajoie,''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xC03hmS1Brk "I Kill People"]]
103
104	->''A pretty girl walks by my locker,\
105	My heart gives a flutter but I don't dare utter,\
106	A word, 'cause that would be absurd,\
107	Behavior for Little Miss Perfect,\
108	Nanananana No I can't risk falling off my throne,\
109	Lalalalala Love is something I don't even know,\
110	Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward,\
111	Straight girl! ...\
112	Little Miss Perfect, thaaat's me.''
113	-->-- '''Taylor Liuderman''', "Little Miss Perfect"
114
115	[[AC:Theatre]]
116	->I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, but you can't because [[GirlfriendInCanada she is in Canada.]]
117	-->-- '''Rod''', ''Theatre/AvenueQ''
118
119	->'''Evan and Connor:''' Our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond!\
120	'''Evan:''' But not because we're gay!\
121	'''Connor:''' No, not because we're gay!\
122	'''Evan and Connor:''' We're close, but not that way! The only man that I love is my dad.
123	-->-- "Sincerely, Me", ''Theatre/DearEvanHansen''
124
125	[[AC:Web Animation]]
126	->On the whole, though, it's just not as good as [[FreudianSlip tonguing another man's balls]].\
127	''(beat)''\
128	--I mean, as it used to be.\
129	''(beat)''\
130	I'm '''not''' gay!
131	-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''[[VideoGame/GuitarHero Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock]]''
132
133	[[AC:Web Original]]
134	->There is something about a guy who proudly proclaims ''Scarface'' is his favorite movie that makes me think they secretly have ''Film/SleeplessInSeattle'' hiding in their bedroom.
135	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/boondock-saints-ii-all-saints-day-2009-troy-duffy/ on]] ''Film/TheBoondockSaints 2: All Saint's Day''
136
137	->'''Music/ChrisBrown''': You know, boxing. I like to get shirtless, get sweaty and fist other dudes.
138	-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2013/10/27/the-difficult-brown-got-arrested-for-being-the-difficult-brown/ Michael K.]]''', "The Difficult Brown Got Arrested For Being The Difficult Brown"
139
140	->People preparing for this handshake should anticipate a sudden shift from a standard handshake to a hand with palm facing down and pinkie and thumb extended, followed by jet noises and a zooming motion, some clapping, a single snap, and then a hug where both arms are actually held inward toward the chest so only the elbows of both parties touch. It is also appropriate to shout “We’re definitely not gay!”
141	-->-- ''Podcast/KakosIndustries''
142
143	->I found out my mom's a homophobe. . . . . . I'm not gay, mind you.
144	-->-- '''Drunk Poet Girl''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep-zCds7J_c Drunk Hotline]]''
145
146	[[AC:Web Video]]
147	->''"Our private parts remain very far away\
148	'Cuz we're not gay\
149	No we're not gay\
150	No we're not gay\
151	No we're not--''\
152	[[NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat No we're not saying there's anything wrong with that]]!''\
153	But for that other team we simply do not bat''
154	-->-- '''Creator/QuintonFlynn and Jeff Nimoy''', The [[YaoiGenre Yaoi]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUZBY6fR6-Y Song]]
155
156	->"Two bros, chillin' in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they're not gay."
157	-->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwAajOtfNT8 This]] Website/{{Vine}}
158
159	->'''Roku:''' Here I am, practicing fighting with Sozin!\
160	'''Aang:''' Wow! You guys were friends?\
161	'''Roku:''' Yes. Friends. Totally friends. In conclusion: friends. I liked a girl! See?\
162	''(Later)''\
163	'''Sozin:''' Right now, we have it all right here in the Fire Nation. We have lots of money, success, and privileges, and you now have a hot wife.\
164	'''Roku:''' Once again proving that I am straight.\
165	'''Sozin:''' Our undeniable heterosexuality aside...
166	-->-- WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender [[http://community.livejournal.com/avatar_fans/1926928.html Condensed Episode 47]]
167
168	->''I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT STRAIGHT!''
169	-->-- '''Marik''', ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''
170
171	->Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah: Zell, the [[TheScrappy most annoying dude in the game]] and--I hate to say this--more than a little gay. He ''really'' wants to see your [[ICallHimMisterHappy gunblade]] badly and he'll pester you about it for the entire trip.
172	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII''
173
174	-> "Remember that 'Valley of Virility' thing I once mentioned ? That's where I feel ''Film/TopGun'' lies. It is so straight that it's looped back around to gay."
175	-->-- [[WebVideo/NeedsMoreGay Rantasmo]], ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLSRRBZFeKo Top Gun Needs More Gay]]''
176
177	->Lest you think either star is gay, the film [''Film/ShowdownInLittleTokyo''] goes out of its way to dissuade you of such a notion. Earlier in the film, Johnny Murata and Chris Kenner visit a social club in which naked women are decorated with sushi. Murata [[DistractedByTheSexy loses his composure]] and is extremely horny. Kenner even beds a woman right before the big "[[GayMoment hey, I kinda like your big penis]]" line. This provides cover for both characters and, frankly, both actors from accusations of being gay. A "no homo" turned up to 11.
178
179	->Action moves from this era often feature this disavowal, this reassurance to the audience that they're not watching anything gay and therefore not participating in anything gay. The disavowal [[NoBisexuals makes no mention or indication]] that the male stars of the film might simply be bisexual or pansexual. Their activities in which they perform heteronormativity are enough for the film and for the audience to plant them firmly in the "straight" category.
180	-->-- '''WebVideo/RenegadeCut''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wsHjT8sPi4 Queer Theory in 80's and 90's Action Movies]]''
181
182	[[AC:Webcomics]]
183	->''Social Link, Go!''\
184	'''Yosuke:''' Hey, let's go to your room. But, like, not in a gay way or anything.
185	-->-- '''Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}}''', parodying Yosuke's HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday attitude in ''VideoGame/{{Persona 4}}''
186
187	->- Straight married men have gay sex '''all the time'''!
188	-->-- ''Webcomic/MenageA3''
189
190	->- I'm so mad, I'm going to go have sex with my girlfriend so I won't be mad!
191	-->-- '''[[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]]''', ''Webcomic/TailsGetsTrolled''
192
193	->''"Hi [[HeteronormativeCrusader Aunt Wendy]]! [[BlatantLies It's so great to see you.]] This is my heterosexual girlfriend [[GorgeousGorgon Stheno]]. We're heterosexually dating and are heterosexually attracted to each other, but [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial we definitely haven't had heterosexual sex]] because that's something you don't do until heterosexual marriage. Heterosexually."''
194	-->--''[[https://waitingforthet.tumblr.com/post/725086408480522240/the-summoner-hey-an-actual-appearance-of-aunt The Summoner]]''
195
196	[[AC:Western Animation]]
197	->[[MistakenForPedophile I did not want to make love with a young boy!]] I like men my own age...Ahhh! I mean I like women! Oh God, I love titties!
198	-->-- '''Mr. Garrison''', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''
199
200	->"Even though we are venturing into the world of fashion, I assure you all I am not gay."
201	-->-- '''William Murderface''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Metalocalypse}}''
202

Context Quotes / HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday