| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Advertising]] |
| 4 | ->''If your cords are frayed, if your plug is loose or the socket is damaged... or if the bed suddenly catches fire, it's a sign you've got a loose connection.'' |
| 5 | -->-- ''Advertising/ClaudeTheCat'' |
| 6 | |
| 7 | ->''"Meet Monsieur Verdoux, a man who admires beauty, cares for small children, [[TheBluebeard and has taken half the pleasure of murdering twelve of his wives]]."'' |
| 8 | -->-- "The Creator/CharlieChaplin Centennial Collection" blurb on ''Film/MonsieurVerdoux'' |
| 9 | [[/folder]] |
| 10 | |
| 11 | [[folder:Anime & Manga]] |
| 12 | ->''Yesterday, I saw the world in monochrome... just a black fog closing in on me. Blue skies! Green trees! Red blood! I forgot the world was so full of color!'' |
| 13 | -->-- '''Akira Tendo''', ''Manga/Zom100BucketListOfTheDead'' |
| 14 | [[/folder]] |
| 15 | |
| 16 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 17 | ->''Pull yourself together... Don't go to pieces now. You're the chairman of the convention committee. You're a successful orthodontist. You have a shack out in Vermont that no one knows about, with four full chest freezers (and isn't it time to buy a fifth?)...'' |
| 18 | -->-- '''Nimrod''', ''ComicBook/TheSandman'': "Collectors" |
| 19 | [[/folder]] |
| 20 | |
| 21 | [[folder:Fanfics]] |
| 22 | ->''I don't wanna be dead! I'm only sixteen! I never got into college! I never took my driving test! Creator/DanielRadcliffe never replied to [[LoonyFan the email proposal I sent him!]]'' |
| 23 | -->-- '''Suzianna Goldenfur''', ''The Official Fanfiction University of Literature/{{Redwall}}'' |
| 24 | |
| 25 | ->'''Villager 1:''' Window!\ |
| 26 | '''Villager 2:''' Meat!\ |
| 27 | '''Villager 3:''' Rug!\ |
| 28 | '''Villager 4:''' Chimney!\ |
| 29 | '''Villager 5:''' I'm incarcerated! |
| 30 | -->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6C3DA37is0&t=5s This]] parody of "Belle" from ''WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast'' |
| 31 | |
| 32 | -> Those interviews had always quickly devolved into questions about Jake’s favorite foods, what Marco had been like as a baby, what it was really like [[GenocideFromTheInside being forced to attempt to murder one’s family]], all that inane nonsense. |
| 33 | -->-- '''Tom's narration''', ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'' fanfic ''[[Fanfic/{{Eleutherophobia}} Ghost in the Shell]]'' |
| 34 | |
| 35 | -> He closes his eyes, and even with the winds this high up, he can pick up all the familiar scents. He plants his hands on the edge of the roof, and sinks himself into the smells of the city; the sea air, fresh-cut wood, the hempen rope that was just looped over his head and expertly tightened around his neck. |
| 36 | -->-- ''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/22173697 The Best One of Me]]'' |
| 37 | |
| 38 | -> Of course. She raised this child. She gave him a home, heard his first word, taught him to read, gave him baths, carried him in a baby harness, read him stories when he was hyper, cheered him on when he was banned from the local ice cream shop, cleaned up vomit in the middle of the night, and even officially adopted him when he asked. |
| 39 | -->--''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/46993270 Honorable Title of Mom]]'' |
| 40 | |
| 41 | -> ''Furthermore, I am not human, and while I have been able to observe human behavior, sometimes your culture’s mores and traditions elude me, and do so for years. Trivial things, like what foods are acceptable for breakfast, what smells are considered pleasant to your palate, or the concept of war crimes.'' |
| 42 | -->-- '''Nezu''', ''Fanfic/OneForAllAndEightForTheNinth'' |
| 43 | [[/folder]] |
| 44 | |
| 45 | [[folder:Film -- Animated]] |
| 46 | ->''"President Business is gonna end the world? But he's such a good guy! And Octan, they make good stuff: music, dairy products, coffee, TV shows, surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines..." ''[{{beat}}]'' "[[ExplainExplainOhCrap wait a minute]]."'' |
| 47 | -->-- '''Emmet''', ''WesternAnimation/TheLegoMovie'' |
| 48 | |
| 49 | ->'''Guy:''' (Translating for the punch monkeys) "...it was a time of much joy. The water flowed freely, the bananas grew in bunches. We had art, politics, economics. But most of all, bananas. So many bananas. Then, at full moon, ''the monster came for its bananas.'' Yup, good times."\ |
| 50 | '''Grug:''' Wait, um, go back.\ |
| 51 | '''Phil:''' Yeah, did he say "monster"? |
| 52 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheCroodsANewAge'' |
| 53 | |
| 54 | ->''"The fossa. They're always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off."'' |
| 55 | -->-- '''King Julien''', ''WesternAnimation/Madagascar1'' |
| 56 | |
| 57 | ->''"Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?"'' |
| 58 | -->-- '''Manfred''' to '''Sid''', ''WesternAnimation/IceAge1'' |
| 59 | |
| 60 | ->''"Hello, trees. Hello, birds. Hello, scary, freezing mist. Oh, dear. Lucky they can't hear me. I wouldn't want them thinking I'm a scaredy-train or anything."'' |
| 61 | -->-- '''Train''', ''WesternAnimation/TheMagicRoundabout2005'' |
| 62 | [[/folder]] |
| 63 | |
| 64 | [[folder:Film -- Live-Action]] |
| 65 | ->''"Tyrone, you know how much I love watching [[ColdBloodedTorture you work]], but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."'' |
| 66 | -->-- '''Prince Humperdinck''', ''Film/ThePrincessBride'' |
| 67 | |
| 68 | ->''"This is the Captain speaking. We're having a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and explode."'' |
| 69 | -->-- '''Malcom Reyonolds''', ''{{Film/Serenity}}'' |
| 70 | |
| 71 | ->[Going through bags in a closet] ''"Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack..."'' |
| 72 | -->-- '''Morticia Addams''', ''Film/TheAddamsFamily'' |
| 73 | |
| 74 | ->''"I am a dentist, and I enjoy the career that I picked. I am a dentist, and I get off on the pain I inflict."'' |
| 75 | -->-- '''Orin''', ''Film/LittleShopOfHorrors'' |
| 76 | |
| 77 | ->''"All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin' pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, Naugahyde pussy, we even got [[BestialityIsDepraved horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy!]]"'' |
| 78 | -->--'''Chet Pussy''', ''Film/FromDuskTillDawn'' |
| 79 | |
| 80 | ->''"You hated my cartoon, you made fun of my clothes, you disrespected Joshie... you broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry!"'' |
| 81 | -->--'''Rowley Jefferson''', ''Film/DiaryOfAWimpyKid'' |
| 82 | |
| 83 | ->''People think you're a hero 24/7. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Ejaculate into the soap dispenser a hero.'' |
| 84 | -->--Deadpool doing a hero speech in ''Film/Deadpool2''. |
| 85 | [[/folder]] |
| 86 | |
| 87 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 88 | ->''I've heard of post-California cuisine. In fact I've even eaten it. No baby vegetables? Scallops in burritos? Wasabi crackers? Am I on the right track? And by the way, did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Garfield but run over and skinned and then someone threw an ugly Ferragamo sweater over you before they rushed you to the vet? Fusilli? Olive oil on Brie?'' |
| 89 | -->-- '''Patrick Bateman''', ''Literature/AmericanPsycho'' |
| 90 | |
| 91 | ->In his front room, Clive had a framed print of the Battle of Waterloo, a collection of imported pornographic magazines, a CD player and a VHS recorder and video tapes of all Torvill and Dean's greatest performances. In his kitchen, he had a case of expensive wine, a robot-chef and a microwave oven. In his lavatory, he had copies of ''The Official Sloane Ranger Handbook,'' ''The Naff Sex Guide,'' and ''How To Be A Wally.'' In his work-room, he had a licensed handgun, five thousand pounds in small notes, and a fax machine. In his basement, he had a dead prostitute with her arm cut off. |
| 92 | -->-- ''Literature/BadDreams'' |
| 93 | |
| 94 | ->The Teuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for its organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, god of mass human sacrifices. |
| 95 | -->-- ''Literature/{{Eric}}'' |
| 96 | |
| 97 | ->''"Let me tell you about him. He was a disciplined man. He didn't eat or drink immoderately. He was intelligent, quiet-spoken, modest, and, some say, charming. He liked Mozart and roses. He engineered the death of several million people."'' |
| 98 | -->-- '''Father Elijah''' describing Adolf Eichmann in ''[[Literature/ChildrenOfTheLastDays Father Elijah]]'' |
| 99 | |
| 100 | ->''On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of all other life forms." |
| 101 | -->-- ''Literature/LifeTheUniverseAndEverything'' |
| 102 | |
| 103 | ->''It was a lovely spring morning in the forest. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the river ran with blood.'' |
| 104 | -->-- "Little Creature and the Redcap" by Creator/UrsulaVernon |
| 105 | |
| 106 | ->''"My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cap mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead."'' |
| 107 | -->-- ''Literature/WeHaveAlwaysLivedInTheCastle'' |
| 108 | [[/folder]] |
| 109 | |
| 110 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 111 | ->'''Michael:''' I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history...ended up in the Bad Place.\ |
| 112 | '''Chidi:''' All of my heroes are...?\ |
| 113 | '''Michael:''' Being tortured, yes, I'm afraid so. Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. Everyday, they make them go to school, naked. And then they take a test in a class they've never been to. ''[chuckles; realizes Chidi isn't laughing and quickly sobers]'' Then they smash them with hammers. And that part is not so clever. |
| 114 | -->-- ''Series/TheGoodPlace'', "Everything is Great!" |
| 115 | |
| 116 | ->'''Lord Refa:''' You walked away from the greatest power I have ever seen, and now you expect me to do the same? They are the key to my eventual rise to the throne. Why should I abandon them?\ |
| 117 | '''Londo Mollari:''' Because I have asked you. Because [[AmbitionIsEvil your loyalty to your people should be greater than your ambition]].\ |
| 118 | '''Lord Refa:''' Hah!\ |
| 119 | '''Mollari:''' And because I have poisoned your drink. |
| 120 | -->-- ''Series/BabylonFive'' |
| 121 | |
| 122 | ->'''Richard's father:''' First we toast the man of the hour, then we drink, we bring out the food, we drink, then the ceremonial eating of the first husband's brains, and charades.\ |
| 123 | '''Richard's brother:''' Wait, what was that?\ |
| 124 | '''Richard's other brother:''' Charades?\ |
| 125 | '''Richard:''' I think it would be fun. |
| 126 | -->-- ''Series/{{Angel}}'', "The Bachelor Party" |
| 127 | |
| 128 | ->''"Julius Nicholson, right? Blue-sky thinker? Ex business guru? [[BestialityIsDepraved Dog rapist?]]"'' |
| 129 | -->-- '''Malcolm''', ''Series/TheThickOfIt'' |
| 130 | |
| 131 | ->''"I listened to several operas known to be uplifting, I watched three holodeck programs designed to be humourous, and I made four attempts to induce sexual desire by subjecting myself to erotic imagery."'' |
| 132 | -->-- '''Data''', ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "Descent" |
| 133 | |
| 134 | ->''"Whatever your skill, education or comfort level with moral ambiguity, the Commission has an exciting career path in store for you."'' |
| 135 | -->-- '''Mr. Briefcase''', ''Series/TheUmbrellaAcademy'', "The Seven Stages" |
| 136 | |
| 137 | ->''"Baseball, root beer, darts, atom bombs."'' |
| 138 | -->-- '''Quark''', an alien listing aspects of Earth culture, ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Little Green Men" |
| 139 | [[/folder]] |
| 140 | |
| 141 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 142 | ->''I like it, I'm not gonna crack\ |
| 143 | I miss you, I'm not gonna crack\ |
| 144 | I love you, I'm not gonna crack\ |
| 145 | I killed you, I'm not gonna crack'' |
| 146 | -->-- '''Music/{{Nirvana}}''', "Lithium" |
| 147 | |
| 148 | ->''I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to my lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.''\ |
| 149 | ''I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.''\ |
| 150 | ''I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish I've been a girlie, just like my dear papa!'' |
| 151 | -->-- ''Creator/MontyPython'', "The Lumberjack song" |
| 152 | |
| 153 | ->''It's found in fish, it's found in juice, and even in the urine of every tested moose.'' |
| 154 | -->-- ''Music/{{Songdrops}}'', "The Dihydrogen Monoxide Song" |
| 155 | |
| 156 | ->''Hello, you've reached'' Film/GoodFellas, ''Creator/MartinScorsese's classic tale of Italian-American manhood starring Creator/RayLiotta, [[Creator/RobertDeNiro Bob De Niro]], and Creator/JoePesci. Unfortunately, we're all busting each others'-'' '''[[SoundEffectBleep *SQUEAK*]]''' ''-at the moment.'' |
| 157 | -->-- '''Robyn Hitchcock''''s answering machine, recorded as a hidden track of ''Jewels For Sophia'' |
| 158 | |
| 159 | ->''Do you like how I walk''\ |
| 160 | ''Do you like how I talk''\ |
| 161 | ''Do you like how my face disintegrates into chalk'' |
| 162 | -->-- ''Music/TallyHall'', "Ruler of Everything" |
| 163 | |
| 164 | ->''And when we meet, I'll be complete''\ |
| 165 | ''I'll shake your hand and kiss your feet''\ |
| 166 | ''Confess my love and buy you flowers''\ |
| 167 | ''Eat your heart and absorb your powers'' |
| 168 | -->-- ''Music/LemonDemon'', "Bill Watterson" |
| 169 | |
| 170 | ->''If there's one thing I hate--well, it's two things\ |
| 171 | (Better make it five million or ten):\ |
| 172 | It's the way folks in Washington do things,\ |
| 173 | And the dopes who elect them again.\ |
| 174 | Oh, that dumb one, can't someone defeat him,\ |
| 175 | Or will I have to do it myself?\ |
| 176 | Tell me, where's Mr. Booth when you need him?\ |
| 177 | That's a shrine to him there on my shelf!'' |
| 178 | -->-- ''Al Duvall'', "The Statue of Virtue" |
| 179 | |
| 180 | ->''Anyone for tennis? Backgammon? Hara-kiri?'' |
| 181 | -->-- ''Music/JeffersonAirplane'', "Lather" |
| 182 | |
| 183 | [[/folder]] |
| 184 | |
| 185 | [[folder:Tabletop Games]] |
| 186 | ->For 26 years, Victor Allen ran the Corner Stop, a soda-and-porn corner store in the city's downtown. A typical independent convenience store, the Corner Stop's magazine shelves were well stocked, the coffee was fresh-brewed and there was plenty of cheap candy. After 26 years, Victor decided he'd saved up enough money to realize his life's dream. He sold the store, bought an RV and traveled the country, [[SerialKiller kidnapping and murdering young girls for his sexual gratification]]. |
| 187 | -->-- ''[[TabletopGame/NewWorldOfDarkness Mysterious Places]]'' |
| 188 | |
| 189 | ->''Gorgons crave beautiful things: gems, exquisite amulets, [[TakenForGranite the alabaster corpses of the petrified dead...]]'' |
| 190 | -->-- ''TabletopGame/MagicTheGathering'' card [[https://scryfall.com/card/ddm/70/treasured-find Treasured Find]] |
| 191 | |
| 192 | ->This smooth, creamy balm has a surprisingly sweet and delicate scent. In truth, Plaguesooth Balm is made from a variety of herbs, flowers, and [[HumanResources the fat]] of those that have perished from [[MysticalPlague Neiglish Rot]]. Any disgusting bits are removed to make it appear more medicinal. |
| 193 | -->-- '''Tome of Corruption''', ''TabletopGame/WarhammerFantasyRoleplay'' |
| 194 | [[/folder]] |
| 195 | |
| 196 | [[folder:Theatre]] |
| 197 | ->'''Hipster Dork''': I'd like to be their boyfriend.\ |
| 198 | '''Ensemble''' ''(Sung)'': That would be beautiful...\ |
| 199 | '''Stoner Chick''': If I sat at their table, guys would notice me!\ |
| 200 | '''Ensemble''' ''(Sung)'': So beautiful...\ |
| 201 | '''Martha''': I'd like them to be nicer.\ |
| 202 | '''Ensemble''' ''(Sung)'': That would be beautiful...\ |
| 203 | '''Beleaguered Geek''': I’d like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats!\ |
| 204 | '''Ensemble''': ... |
| 205 | -->"Beautiful", ''Theatre/HeathersTheMusical'' |
| 206 | [[/folder]] |
| 207 | |
| 208 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 209 | -> ''Oh Eggwife, you were the bread to my butter, the wife to my egg, the shit to my pizza with a bit of shit on it''. |
| 210 | -->-- ''VideoGame/SeventySevenPEggwife'' |
| 211 | |
| 212 | ->''"How can I ever repay you? Cash? Credit? Contraband?"'' |
| 213 | -->-- '''Nova Tsukuyomi''', ''VideoGame/AzureStrikerGunvolt'' |
| 214 | |
| 215 | ->''"Tell me, [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Bats]]. What are you really scared of? Failing to save this [[WretchedHive cesspool of a city]]? Not finding [[DistressedDude the Commissioner]] in time? [[BrainBleach Me, in a thong?]]"'' |
| 216 | -->-- '''The Joker''', ''VideoGame/BatmanArkhamAsylum'' |
| 217 | |
| 218 | ->''"The hour is two, London time. [[BritsLoveTea Tea has been served]]. [[ThrillerOnTheExpress A passenger in first class is dead]]. [[DissonantSerenity Thank you]]."'' |
| 219 | -->-- '''[[OurDemonsAreDifferent The Conductor]]''', ''VideoGame/FallenLondon'', ''The Twelve-Fifteen from Moloch Street'' |
| 220 | |
| 221 | ->''"Likes to eat mushrooms, small insects, and people."'' |
| 222 | -->-- Description of the Gromp, ''VideoGame/LeagueOfLegends'' |
| 223 | |
| 224 | ->''"Welcome to Hotcha Springs! Please explore our wonderful oasis! Take a walk on the beach or go for a dip in the hot springs! Be sure to avoid the maniacal giant turtle on the loose. Enjoy your stay!"'' |
| 225 | -->-- '''Hotcha Springs Brochure''', ''VideoGame/TheLegendaryStarfy'' |
| 226 | |
| 227 | ->''"To do list in no particular order:\ |
| 228 | 1. Get dressed\ |
| 229 | 2. Do my hair\ |
| 230 | 3. [[GirlsLoveStuffedAnimals Sew Theodore up]]\ |
| 231 | 4. Celebrate Ellie's party\ |
| 232 | 5. [[red:FIND ELLIE]]\ |
| 233 | 6. [[red:KILL ELLIE]]"'' |
| 234 | -->--'''Elise Brooks''', ''[[VideoGame/ThePartyCollection Party 2!]]'' |
| 235 | |
| 236 | ->''"One 18.25 lbs package chocolate cake mix, 1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting, 3/4 cup vegetable oil, 4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 3/4 cup butter or margarine, 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour. Don't forget garnishes such as: fish-shaped crackers, fish-shaped candies, fish-shaped solid waste, fish-shaped dirt, fish-shaped ethyl benzene, pull-and-peel licorice, fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment, candy-coated peanut butter pieces shaped like fish. 1 cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resin. Fiberglass surface resins and volatile milk impoundments. 9 large egg yolks. 12 medium geosynthetic membranes. 1 cup granulated sugar. An entry called ''How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands''. 2 cups rhubarb, sliced. 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb. 1 tbsp all-purpose rhubarb. 3 tbsp rhubarb, on fire. 1 large rhubarb. 1 cross-borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. 2 tbsp rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."'' |
| 237 | -->-- '''[=GlaDOS=]'''' cake recipe, ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'' |
| 238 | |
| 239 | ->''"It's all I hear every time we make a few cuts: my family, my mortgage, [[EyeScream my eye]], etc."'' |
| 240 | -->-- '''Kirsten Geary''', ''VideoGame/TheSecretWorld'' |
| 241 | |
| 242 | ->''{{Side effects include}} nausea, headaches, and '''death'''.'' |
| 243 | -->-- '''Valentine''', ''VideoGame/{{Skullgirls}}'' |
| 244 | |
| 245 | ->''"Please refrain from throwing any coins, trash, or [[WouldHurtAChild small children]] into the reflecting pools."'' |
| 246 | -->-- '''Dr. Eggman''', ''VideoGame/SonicColors'' |
| 247 | |
| 248 | ->'''Pearl:''' Man, there's something magical about a campground at night! |
| 249 | ->'''Marina:''' Fire glowing. Crickets chirping. Faces splatting. |
| 250 | -->-- ''VideoGame/Splatoon2'' |
| 251 | |
| 252 | ->'''Noel:''' What is this place?\ |
| 253 | '''Azelle:''' We're just a small 'shoppe' that sells crystals, books, and curses... nothing special.\ |
| 254 | '''Noel:''' Wait, what did you say?\ |
| 255 | '''Azelle:''' We sell books.\ |
| 256 | '''Noel:''' No, not that...Nevermind. I already lost interest. |
| 257 | -->--''VideoGame/{{Traumerei}}'' |
| 258 | |
| 259 | ->''"Voodoo figurines such as this were built and animated to assist troll witch doctors in minor, everyday tasks such as washing loincloths or scrubbing blood off the hut floor. They were often powered by flasks of mojo, troll sweat, the flesh of tribal enemies, or by DEVOURING TINY PORTIONS OF THEIR OWNERS' SOULS. But don't worry. Teeny, tiny little portions. You won't even notice they're gone. And think how clean your floors will be!"'' |
| 260 | -->-- Description of the''' Voodoo Figurine archaeology find''', ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'' |
| 261 | |
| 262 | -> ''Rules of the Art Gallery: No loud conversation. No photography. No food or drink. No touching the displays. No fountain pens.'' '''No leaving ever.''' |
| 263 | -->-- ''VideoGame/{{Ib}}'' |
| 264 | |
| 265 | [[/folder]] |
| 266 | |
| 267 | [[folder:Visual Novels]] |
| 268 | ->''"What is it with today?! Problem after problem! Achtung! My hog won't start. My guitar case is busted, my guitar's been burnt to a crisp, and to top it all off, someone's dead!"'' |
| 269 | -->-- '''Klavier Gavin''', ''VisualNovel/ApolloJusticeAceAttorney'' |
| 270 | |
| 271 | ->''"Most people don't die from being murdered. It's mostly sickness, or old age, or lawn mower accidents."'' |
| 272 | -->-- '''Maddy''', ''VisualNovel/{{Necrobarista}}'' |
| 273 | |
| 274 | ->''"In a typical visual novel, little sisters are supposed to be Diabetically Cute and should be Gently Hugged, Protected, Loved, and Raped."'' |
| 275 | -->-- '''Uncle Mugen''', ''The Fucking Question'' |
| 276 | [[/folder]] |
| 277 | |
| 278 | [[folder:WebAnimation]] |
| 279 | ->''Note: the US dollar may be worth less than euros and pounds. In MLS, you may be forced to play defense and take commercial flights. Also, everyone has guns.'' |
| 280 | -->-- Voiceover RattlingOffLegal in a UsefulNotes/MajorLeagueSoccer commercial, ''WebAnimation/{{The Champions|2018}}'' |
| 281 | |
| 282 | ->''"See, the people love me. They're throwing flowers, confetti...[[OhCrap AND HIGH-GRADE EXPLOSIVES?!]]"'' |
| 283 | -->-- '''Alexander II''' right before getting assassinated, ''WebAnimation/OverSimplified'' |
| 284 | |
| 285 | ->''Just cute things:''\ |
| 286 | - ''Comfy clothes''\ |
| 287 | - ''Watering succulents''\ |
| 288 | - '''''Blood rituals''''' |
| 289 | -->-- '''Iscream''', ''WebAnimation/ChiknNuggit'' |
| 290 | |
| 291 | [[/folder]] |
| 292 | |
| 293 | [[folder:Web Comics]] |
| 294 | ->''"DING! 8th floor: Men's Outerwear, Sporting Goods, and Rifts in the Fabric of the Universe."'' |
| 295 | -->-- '''Xykon''', ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0447.html #447]]'' |
| 296 | |
| 297 | ->'''John:''' what do they sell at the broj stop?\ |
| 298 | '''John:''' like... broj stuff?\ |
| 299 | '''Dave:''' yeah\ |
| 300 | '''Dave:''' pretty much the basics\ |
| 301 | '''Dave:''' snacks, hats, soft drinks\ |
| 302 | '''Dave:''' hand to hand combat weapons |
| 303 | -->-- ''Webcomic/ParadoxSpace'' |
| 304 | [[/folder]] |
| 305 | |
| 306 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 307 | ->All the chores around the house are mine to do. I can't weasel my way out of doing the dishes or the laundry, and the overgrown jungle of a backyard is silently mocking me for failing to keep it under control. There's no one else around who I can get to kill the spiders for me either.\ |
| 308 | As much as I like going on vacation, let's face it, places like the Willamette Valley are much better if you sleep the whole way through them, and it's really hard to do that if you're driving. (Although, it would be a lot easier to do if it weren't for that slight curve near Eugene...) Also, there was that one cave in California where I decided that it was dangerous to go alone, so I didn't go inside, even though it's supposed to have an amazing wall of ice in it.\ |
| 309 | If I get sick, I can't lay in bed all day while someone waits on me.\ |
| 310 | If someone has to call the mortgage company or make reservations or otherwise use that terrible contraption known as a telephone, it has to be me.\ |
| 311 | If I go into a store, there's no one else who can deflect the pushy salespeople.\ |
| 312 | And if I somehow get trapped in the crawlspace when trying to rig up that air conditioner I was talking about, there's no one who'll rescue me and I'll die down there and no one will ever find my body. |
| 313 | -->-- ''Website/AsexualityArchive'', "[[http://www.asexualityarchive.com/living-alone/ Living Alone]]" |
| 314 | |
| 315 | ->''A typical meal on board an East Indiaman would consist of some kind of salted meat (typically pork, sometimes beef or fish) but also biscuit or bread, very fresh weevils'' |
| 316 | -->-- '''Website/{{Reddit}}''', Ask Historians answer to "[[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/w4blid/comment/ih5xrbh/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 How were people able to survive solely on food preserved with salt?]]" |
| 317 | |
| 318 | ->''Oh, for heaven's sake. Even with two spouses who love each other very, very much, know full well that they're compatible, and use protection if they don't plan on conceiving, there are perfectly valid reasons to not want to have sex on any given night. For example, "It's not a good time in my daily routine", "[[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces We're in a public space right now]]", "We're running out of condoms", "[[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces I don't want to get sand in my butt]]", "I've had a long day and I'm exhausted", or "[[NotTheFallThatKillsYou I just fell off the roof and shattered my pelvis]]".''[[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke The joke being that someone with a shattered pelvis is in no condition to be having sex in the first place.]][[/note]] |
| 319 | -->--'''Website/{{Reddit}}''' again, in a comment on [[https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/s/V5ox5UsBRd a post]] in [[BeliefMakesYouStupid r/religiousfruitcake]] about [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalists]] believing that [[MaritalRapeLicense husbands have the right to demand sex from their wives at any time and the wife can't refuse]] |
| 320 | |
| 321 | ->''Trash bags milk laundry detergent\ |
| 322 | Cat food\ |
| 323 | Chips. Soda\ |
| 324 | [[DeathRay Death laser]]\ |
| 325 | Oh dish soap'' |
| 326 | -->-- ''[[http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/9335/shopping-list-2/ Damn You Autocorrect]]'' |
| 327 | |
| 328 | ->''Something old, something new, something borrowed, something something [[HollywoodRestrainingOrder restraining order]]'' |
| 329 | -->-- ''[[http://www.fark.com/comments/6983694/Something-old-something-new-something-borrowed-something-something-restraining-order Fark.com]] headline'' |
| 330 | |
| 331 | ->''it's okay to ask for help\ |
| 332 | you're not a burden\ |
| 333 | murder is okay\ |
| 334 | your feelings matter'' |
| 335 | -->-- ''Anime/{{Hamtaro}}'' ImageMacro |
| 336 | |
| 337 | ->''Newborns cry when they *[bullet list]* are hungry, are tired, are too cold or too hot, need their diaper changed, need to be comforted, have gas, are over-stimulated, are sick.'' |
| 338 | -->-- ''[[https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9706-pregnancy-newborn-behavior Pregnancy: Newborn Behaviour]]'' |
| 339 | |
| 340 | ->''“Anyway, you are charged with deliberately poor writing, [[WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma wanton cruelty to punctuation]], [[ArtisticLicensePhysics violation of the laws of physics]], [[ArtisticLicenseChemistry violating the laws of chemistry]], [[ArtisticLicenseBiology violating the laws of biology]], [[GameBreaker being ridiculously over-powered]], misusing {{Hammerspace}}, creating minis, abuse of the word ‘chopper,’ annoying PPC agents, and being an abomination against nature due to being a sandwich that walks like a man. The penalty for all this is death. Any questions?”'' |
| 341 | -->-- ''WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum'' [[https://vgdivision.dreamwidth.org/1251.html Video Game Division]] |
| 342 | |
| 343 | ->''I loved my Kaseen when she soiled her diapers, I loved her when she spit up in my face, and I even loved her when she got hooked on those blasted drugs!'' |
| 344 | -->-- '''Ojio Paramonimos,''' ''Literature/LoomingGaia'', "Resistance is Futile" |
| 345 | [[/folder]] |
| 346 | |
| 347 | [[folder:Web Video]] |
| 348 | ->''"[[PsychicPowers Telekinesis]], {{time travel}}, [[TwentyBearAsses treasure hunting]], '''[[MsFanservice bat tits]]'''…"'' |
| 349 | -->-- '''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''', on the many things he finds weird about ''VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog2006'' |
| 350 | |
| 351 | ->I took myself out of the fucking strip club. I did, my nigga! I built my followers up, and I builded [''sic''] my own fucking music career. Nobody's fucking helping me. So a bitch to motherfucking say that I don't deserve to be a fucking artist, because shit was handed to me and I haven't put in no work, you're fucking bugging! Because I'm twenty-four years old and I look washed up 'cause I spent ''hours'' in the motherfucking studio -- ''hours!'' I paid over fifty thousand dollars in studio time! 'Cause I paid good engineers -- you got to go to a good studio, and you got to put in that bread. I did it with my money! So for a bitch to say that I don't motherfucking deserve it 'cause I don't put in no fucking work, now that's when I feel like niggas is bugging! 'Cause I did it myself! Niggas must've forgot, my nigga, the shit that I did to motherfucking survive! Like, I had to go strip. I had to go, "Yeah, you wanna fuck me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go to this hotel." And I drugged niggas up and I robbed them! |
| 352 | -->-- '''Music/CardiB''' in a livestream on Instagram |
| 353 | |
| 354 | ->''"They really just ran in, fucked up your lawn, [[ClusterFBomb yelled a bunch of swear words]], broke out a convicted felon, then left."'' |
| 355 | -->-- '''rnelody'''[[note]]through one of Philza's donations[[/note]], ''WebVideo/DreamSMP'', about KSI's second visit to the server |
| 356 | |
| 357 | ->'''Katz:''' There's gonna be some changes around this house... we're gonna help people because ''we'' want to!\ |
| 358 | '''Various monsters:''' Horray!\ |
| 359 | '''Katz:''' I'm going to treat you all with more respect. You aren't just monsters, you are my family!\ |
| 360 | '''Various monsters:''' Horray!\ |
| 361 | '''Katz:''' [[ExtremeOmnisexual I'm going to be sexually active with every single one of you]], whether you like it or not!\ |
| 362 | '''Various monsters:''' ''[[WhatTheHellHero HUH!?]]''\ |
| 363 | '''Uno:''' Woah, buddy, going a tad overboard.\ |
| 364 | '''Katz:''' Sorry everyone, sorry, I'm still new to all of this. |
| 365 | -->--''WebAnimation/MonsterLab2021, Episode 6: Virgin Assassin'' |
| 366 | |
| 367 | ->''"I'm sure you noticed by now, ''VideoGame/{{Skullgirls}}'' is filled to the brim with fanservice. They [[JigglePhysics shake]], they [[{{Gainaxing}} bounce]], they [[PantyShot flash]], and they [[BodyHorror mutate]]."'' |
| 368 | -->-- '''WebVideo/SomeCallMeJohnny''' "Johnny vs ''Skullgirls''" |
| 369 | |
| 370 | ->''You are needed! Kurt Cobain needed you, Freddie Prinze needed you, Mao needed you, Stalin, Hitler...'' |
| 371 | -->-- '''WebVideo/MrDeity''' to '''[[TheGrimReaper Death]]''' |
| 372 | |
| 373 | ->''"'Who writes the most letters? A fisherman; he always drops a line!' [feigned laughter] 'Cause, you know, dropping a line can also mean sending a letter and, uh... God, I wish the world was on fire."'' |
| 374 | -->-- '''WebVideo/StuartAshen''' |
| 375 | |
| 376 | ->'''Sad Panda:''' Are you allergic to shellfish?\ |
| 377 | '''Film Brain:''' No.\ |
| 378 | '''Sad Panda:''' Penicillin?\ |
| 379 | '''Film Brain:''' No.\ |
| 380 | '''Sad Panda:''' Peanuts?\ |
| 381 | '''Film Brain:''' No.\ |
| 382 | '''Sad Panda:''' [[ElectricTorture Twelve thousand volts of electricity rushing through your motor cortex?]]\ |
| 383 | '''Film Brain:''' [[OhCrap VERY!]]\ |
| 384 | '''Sad Panda:''' That's nice. ''(flips the switch)'' |
| 385 | -->-- ''WebVideo/ToBoldlyFlee'' |
| 386 | |
| 387 | ->Top 10 N Words. Number #10: Negative.\ |
| 388 | Number #9: Nevada.\ |
| 389 | Number #8: Nissan.\ |
| 390 | Number #7: Number.\ |
| 391 | Number #6: Nine.\ |
| 392 | Number #5: No.\ |
| 393 | Number #4: Nick.\ |
| 394 | Number #3: Nigeria.\ |
| 395 | Number #2: Noob.\ |
| 396 | Number #1: Nice.\ |
| 397 | Honorable mention: NIG– |
| 398 | -->-- ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_czzkqPjvS4 Top 10 N Words]]'' |
| 399 | |
| 400 | ->''"Have you ever put something down and just forgotten where? Happens all the time. Hell, car keys, your phone, your glasses, your entire Olympic team... like ya do."'' |
| 401 | -->-- '''Nash''' on the whole Cameroon Olympic team being unaccounted for, ''WebVideo/WhatTheFuckIsWrongWithYou'', "Dumber Than Curling" |
| 402 | [[/folder]] |
| 403 | |
| 404 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 405 | ->''I had chocolate covered hot dogs. I had cherry pie pizza. I had the third worst diarrhea in my young life.'' |
| 406 | -->-- '''Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'', "[[Recap/AmericanDadS7E4StansFoodRestaurant Stan's Food Restaurant]]" |
| 407 | |
| 408 | ->''(Hop Pop notices that his grandson Sprig is quite hairy and that Anne is covered in bird feathers and making bird noises against her will.)''\ |
| 409 | '''Hop Pop:''' You two... have been ''cursed!''\ |
| 410 | '''Anne:''' Cursed?! ''(squawks like a bird)'' That's a thing here?!\ |
| 411 | '''Hop Pop:''' This land of ours is home to many arts, Anne: sculpture, mosaics, and of course, ''(voice drops to a sinister whisper) the dark arts!'' |
| 412 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Amphibia}}'', "[[Recap/AmphibiaS1E33Cursed Cursed!]]" |
| 413 | |
| 414 | ->''"Great thing is, YOU decide what to put in your morning loaf! Eggs? Absolutely! Fruit? Awesome! [[CordonBleughChef Sardines?]] Why not?"'' |
| 415 | -->-- '''C2''', ''WesternAnimation/CarlSquared'', "Take Your Clone to Work Day" |
| 416 | |
| 417 | ->'''Glasses Man:''' Oh, yeah! Free hot dog! |
| 418 | ->'''Fedora Man:''' Look at all these condiments! |
| 419 | ->'''Little Girl:''' ''(chasing a mutt with a bunch of hot dogs)'' I hurt animals because I'm SICK! |
| 420 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/DrawnTogether'', "Wooldoor Sockbat's Giggle-Wiggle Funny Tickle Non-Traditional Progressive Multicultural Roundtable!" |
| 421 | |
| 422 | ->''We don't like your cooking, your stupid karaoke nights, and we especially don't like the way you hump that chair in the den.'' |
| 423 | -->-- '''Stewie''' talking to New Brian on ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''. |
| 424 | |
| 425 | ->'''Cleveland:''' You should get a pirate name.\ |
| 426 | '''Joe:''' And a peg leg.\ |
| 427 | '''Cleveland:''' And a hook hand.\ |
| 428 | '''Quagmire:''' And you should have sex with that crossing guard, even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12. ''[{{beat}}]'' [[VerbalBackspace I mean, you should get an eyepatch.]]\ |
| 429 | ''[{{beat}}]''\ |
| 430 | '''Joe:''' Eyepatch'd be cool. |
| 431 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' |
| 432 | |
| 433 | ->'''Peter:''' Let's see that little dyke[[note]]on the TV version, it's "lesbo"[[/note]] Susie Swanson beat him up now. |
| 434 | ->'''Brian:''' Wait a minute. How do you know she's gay? |
| 435 | ->'''Peter:''' Short haircut. Stubby legs. [[IncompatibleOrientation Doesn't respond to my advances.]] |
| 436 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E13StewRoids Stew-Roids]]" |
| 437 | |
| 438 | ->'''Brian:''' Hey, c'mon. You want some ice cream? That'd make you feel better, right?\ |
| 439 | ''Stewie shakes his head''\ |
| 440 | '''Brian:''' You wanna get some [=McDonald=]'s?\ |
| 441 | ''Stewie shakes his head''\ |
| 442 | '''Brian:''' You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?\ |
| 443 | ''Stewie nods''\ |
| 444 | '''Brian:''' OK, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes. |
| 445 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Road to Europe" |
| 446 | |
| 447 | ->''"Popcorn! Soda! ...PICKLED GARLIC!"'' |
| 448 | -->-- '''Patchy the Pirate''', ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', "[[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS3E19TheSpongeWhoCouldFly The Sponge Who Could Fly]]" |
| 449 | |
| 450 | ->''Good night, Happy Bear. Good night, Sad Bunny. Good night, Playful Kitty. Good night, ominous triangle at the foot of my bed.'' |
| 451 | -->-- '''Steven''', ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'', "Catch and Release" |
| 452 | [[/folder]] |
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