1 | ->'''Yogurt:''' Merchandising, merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made! Spaceballs the T-shirt, Spaceballs the coloring book, Spaceballs the lunch box, Spaceballs the breakfast cereal, Spaceballs '''''da flamethrowah!'''''\ |
2 | '''FWOOOOOOOOOOOMPH'''\ |
3 | '''Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink:''' Ooooh!\ |
4 | '''Yogurt:''' The kids love this one. |
5 | -->-- ''Film/{{Spaceballs}}'' |
6 | |
7 | ->''[On Children's Chemistry sets] The boy on the box is making a clock powered by a potato. The boy in his bedroom is making a device that will lead to the evacuation of '''Slough.''' '' |
8 | -->-- '''Jack Dee''' |
9 | |
10 | ->'''Commander Badass:''' Hey, y'think I can get one'a those [[Franchise/RoboCop ED-209 chickenwalker]] things fer my kids?\ |
11 | '''Store Clerk:''' Do you want it with the "Authorized to use physical force OS" or the "Loyal as a puppy OS?"\ |
12 | '''Commander Badass:''' I just said it was for my kids, didn't I?\ |
13 | '''Store Clerk:''' I don't know what kind of father you are, sir. And frankly, I didn't want to insult you by making assumptions. |
14 | -->-- ''Webcomic/ManlyGuysDoingManlyThings'' |
15 | |
16 | ->''"Don't be afraid, it's just a toy."'' |
17 | -->-- '''Reese''', ''Series/StargateSG1'' |
18 | |
19 | ->'''Mother:'''You can't give her that! It's not safe!"\ |
20 | '''Death:'''[[AC:"It's a sword. It's not meant to be."]]\ |
21 | '''Mother:''' "She's just a child!"\ |
22 | '''Death:''' [[AC:"It's educational."]]\ |
23 | '''Mother:''' "What if she cuts herself?"\ |
24 | '''Death:''' [[AC:"Then she will learn a very important lesson."]] |
25 | -->-- ''Literature/{{Hogfather}}'' |
26 | |
27 | ->''Well, the U.S. Safety Commission has issued a list of unsafe Christmas toys. Topping the list this year: Mattel’s Gasoline-Powered Sharp Thing." |
28 | -->-- '''Norm Macdonald''', Weekend Update, ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' |
29 | |
30 | ->Want to see a proud parent? Give a kid a Doctor Chuckles Surgery Kit and watch the kid's parents smile, content in the knowledge that their child wants to be a doctor someday. This adorable little [[ArtefactOfDoom fetish]] all but guarantees it! Soon Junior will have all the necessary skills to [[DeadlyDoctor remove arms and legs and even those annoying hearts and lungs]]. Just say where it hurts and go to sleep! [[MetaphoricallyTrue Junior'll fix that pain once and for all]]. |
31 | ->With a successful Gnosis vs Willpower roll, the Doctor Chuckles Surgery Kit will endow your child with all the surgical skills of the very best [[TortureTechnician Grand Inquisitor]], and at no extra charge to you, your child gets a syringe full of [[AndIMustScream muscle-paralyzing venom]], good for as many as seven full-grown [[OurWerewolvesAreDifferent Garou!]] The bad news is that only one child can ever use the kit; the good news is that at $3.99 apiece, they're practically a steal! |
32 | ->By the time your child is done, you'll be dead, or you too will be a [[DemonicPossession formor]]. |
33 | -->-- ''TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse - Book Of The Wyrm'' (1st Ed) |
34 | |
35 | ->''Has your boy a mechanical turn of mind? Yes? Then buy him a FLAMMENWERFER! Instructive— amusing. Guaranteed absolutely harmless.'' |
36 | -->--'''The Wipers Times''', satirical WWI-era British trench newspaper |
37 | |
38 | ->'''Rick:''' Ray guns. A whip that forces people to like you. Invisibility cuffs. A parent trap. A lightning gun. A teddy bear with anatomically correct innards. Night vision googly eye glasses. Sound erasing sneakers. False fingerprints. "Fall asleep" darts. A lie-detecting doll. An indestructible baseball bat. A taser shaped like a ladybug. A fake police badge. Location tracking stickers. Rainbow-colored duct tape. Mind control hair clips. Poison gum. A pink. Sentient. Switchblade. |
39 | ->'''Switchblade:''' Hi Beth! You've gotten taller! Shall we resume stabbing? |
40 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', going through a box of "toys" Beth asked Rick to make as a child. |
41 | |
42 | ->''"Warning: this kit contains unnecessarily sharp items."'' |
43 | -->-- ''Website/{{Neopets}}'', FlavorText for [[https://items.jellyneo.net/item/32986/ Darigan Fishing Playtime Kit]] |
44 | |
45 | ->''"Lion toy made out of 100% tin. Once a very popular toy with human children, they rebelled against humanity, leaving thousands of grieving parents..."'' |
46 | -->--''VideoGame/ShadowHeartsCovenant'', bestiary description of the [[OptionalBoss Tin Lion]]. |
47 | |
48 | ->''"Someone forgot to instruct the toymaker that teething toys are NOT supposed to HAVE teeth!"'' |
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