Line #137 Quotes/DreadfulMusician


1	->''"Cacofonix, the bard. Opinion is [[BlatantLies divided]] as to his musical gifts. [[SmallNameBigEgo Cacofonix thinks he's a genius.]] Everyone else thinks he's unspeakable. But so long as he doesn't speak, let alone sing, everybody likes him…"''
2	-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Asterix}}''
3
4	->''"Went uptown to see my cousin\
5	Plays guitar, sounds like a chainsaw buzzin'\
6	In the crowd, I see his mom and dad\
7	I said, 'Hey, hey uncle, [[BrutalHonesty man, your son is bad]]'"''
8	-->--'''Music/HueyLewisAndTheNews''', "Bad Is Bad"
9
10	->''"Oh, I write love songs for my favorite girl\
11	And sing them soft and low\
12	But before I get to finish\
13	She says she has to go\
14	She's nice and says, 'Excuse me,\
15	I've got to find a bar\
16	[[INeedAFreakingDrink I think I need refreshment]]\
17	'Fore I hear ''you'' play guitar[='=]''
18	-->-- '''Harry Chapin''', "Six-String Orchestra"
19
20	->''Get off that piano. You're hurting its feelings!''
21	-->-- '''"Jelly Roll" Morton''' (legendary jazz musician)
22
23	->'''Klink''': ''Col. Hogan, I have decided not to play in your prisoners' orchestra. I may, however, do a solo over the loudspeaker system.''\
24	'''Hogan''': ''Well, if I were you, I'd wait until the general leaves, sir.''\
25	'''Klink''': ''Why?''\
26	'''Hogan''': ''I mean, how would it look, a mass escape while he's here?''
27	-->-- '''Series/HogansHeroes''', ''Movies Are Your Best Escape''
28
29	->@@Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.@@
30	-->-- '''Ambrose Bierce''', ''Literature/TheDevilsDictionary''
31
32	->'''Cacofonix''': ''I will now sing a song, if you please...''\
33	'''Fulliautomatix''': ''Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't!''
34	-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Asterix}}, OnceAnEpisode'''
35
36	->''"Just as they did with Sputnik in 1957, the Russian Nerd Program has pulled ahead of the rest of the world. During the Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremony, the Russian Police Choir sang Music/DaftPunk's "Get Lucky." It was incredible, with individual performances ranging from [[GrumpyOldMan cranky to grumpy]] to [[Series/FamilyMatters Steve Urkellian]]."''
37	-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}'''
38
39	->''Creator/SylvesterStallone can’t sing. At all. Part of the story should be this caterpillar to butterfly aspect where Nick can’t sing but by the time he gets on the big stage he should sound awesome. In ''Rhinestone'' when Stallone has his big coming out, he honestly sounds ten times worse than when he started. A medal should be given to Music/DollyParton for trying to carry Stallone because you can see her straining to try to drown out Stallone’s grunting but with no luck. I can’t stress to you how painful it actually is to hear the pretty singing of Parton contrasted to the caveman Rocky grunts Stallone forces out as if a melody is [[DumbMuscle something he should hit]] like a heavy bag. I was so thankful the credits started rolling despite Stallone doing an encore number because it meant I could mercifully shut off the movie at that point.''
40	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/rhinestone-1984-bob-clark/ on]] ''Rhinestone''
41
42	-> '''Garfield:''' The accordion is the second worst instrument in the history of man!\
43	'''Squeak:''' What's the worst instrument?\
44	'''Garfield:''' What, you never heard of the [[EverythingsLouderWithBagpipes bagpipes]]?
45	-->-- '''WesternAnimation/TheGarfieldShow''', ''Not So Sweet Sound Of Music''
46
47	->''"Pardus, I use these eardrums occasionally, please don't make me gouge them out..."''
48	-->-- '''Tigris''', ''Webcomic/{{Panthera}}''
49
50	->''"Music usually has a comforting effect, but that depends on who's singing. Luckily, Franchise/{{Kirby}} has only enough energy to sing [[RuleOfThree three songs]]."''
51	-->-- flavor text for the "Mike" copy ability, ''VideoGame/KirbyPlanetRobobot''
52
53	->''Up on the pallet stage behind me John was tearing away the solo that marks the end of [[WordSaladTitle "Camel Holocaust"]], rapping some impromptu lyrics, all over the cacophonous drums of Head [[AllDrummersAreAnimals "the entire show is one big drum solo in my mind"]] Feingold, and the band's thunderous triple-threat bass. I've been to a lot of concerts, everything from garage bands to Music/PearlJam. Maybe my opinion is biased, but I would have to say that Three-Arm Sally is the shittiest band I've ever heard.''
54	-->--''Literature/JohnDiesAtTheEnd''
55
56	->''"That's how you ''believe'' you play, sir. That's why, when the Psiren read your mind, he shared your delusion that you are not a ten-thumbed, tone-deaf, talentless noise polluter."''
57	-->--'''Kryten, Series/RedDwarf'''
58
59	->''"Little survival tip, bud: Never play your guitar in front of a man with a loaded gun."''
60	-->--'''Cat, Series/RedDwarf'''
61
62	->''"I climbed the crampian mountain\
63	To play among the sheep\
64	Before I even started\
65	The sheep went for the steep\
66	From Thurso down to Glasgow\
67	They sent a telegram\
68	Warning all the highlands\
69	Describing who I am"''
70	-->--'''Dr. Macdoo''', ''The Mad Piper''
71
72	->''A self-proclaimed artist and music lover. Unfortunately for those around him, his love for music doesn't necessarily mean he's any good at it.''
73	-->-- [[MonsterCompendium Bestiary]] description of '''Don Mole''', ''VideoGame/DragonQuestVIII''
74
75	->In Anne's opinion, [[RichBitch Amelia]]'s rendition of the song was superior musically to [[EnfantTerrible Derek]]'s recorded version, but unfortunate in that it made audible the lyrics that were incomprehensible in the original. She wondered what Mr Thrash Metal would think of it. Or Cam, who was often said to be interested in the dividing line between music and pain. Maybe that was Derek's major achievement, uniting people of such different tastes in their opinion of him.
76	-->--''Literature/BadDreams''
77
78	->Interestingly, [[TheCaligula King Tralanhng]] prides himself on being something of a musician and composer. In fact, the country's national anthem (the ''[[PunnyName Rong Ki]]'') was actually written by him, and whenever it is played, Phaic Tanese will immediately stand and respectfully place one hand over each ear. Regular performances of King Tralanhng's jazz works are held and it is considered an enormous honor to be forced to attend. Sadly, the King's health has declined in recent years, and not long ago, Royal Physicians advised that he should stop playing the saxophone. The date of this pronouncement has since been declared an unofficial national holiday.
79	-->--''[[Literature/JetlagTravelGuides Phaic Tan: Sunstroke On A Shoestring]]''
80
81	->'''[[Anime/DokiDokiPrecure Mana]]:''' Then, to answer their feelings, one more song! (''her teammates cover their ears'') [[DiegeticSoundtrackUsage THE WORLD IS LIKE A MERRY-GO-ROUND!]]\
82	(''The Anime/SuitePrettyCure team behind wince and cover their ears'')\
83	'''Hibiki:''' Th-this is music?!
84	-->''Anime/PrettyCureAllStars: Spring Carnival''
85
86	->'''Maya''': I know! I think {Dina} wants a lullaby!\
87	''(Rachel and Clara run away and cover their ears)''\
88	'''Maya''': [[NoIndoorVoice ROCK A BYE DINA]], [[HollywoodToneDeaf ON THE TREETOP!]]\
89	'''Mackenzie''': What is that sound?!\
90	'''Davi''': Make it stop!!\
91	'''Maya''': WHEN--
92	''(Dina cries even louder)''
93	--> ''Anime/GlitterForceDokiDoki''
94
95	->'''Tyrion''': How about a song? One of you must know one. Ser Davos?\
96	'''Davos''': You'll pray for a quick death.
97	-->-- ''Series/GameOfThrones'', "A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms"
98
99	->In the end, it was a Bach motet that shooed me away - choristers weren't damnably bad, but the organist's only hope for salvation was a bullet through the brain.
100	-->--'''Robert Frobisher,''' ''Literature/CloudAtlas''
101
102	->"I'm sure a contract will be following very shortly... If anyone knows a hitman..."
103	-->--'''Jack Dee''', after Barry Cryer has sung "Hanky Panky" to the tune of "Delilah" in a round of "One Song to the Tune of Another" on ''Radio/ImSorryIHaventAClue''
104
105	->''He played guitar like a natural [[BaitAndSwitch disaster]]...''
106	-->'''Trip Shakespeare''', "Toolmaster of Brainard"
107
108	->''As I reclined in that position and I heard his composition\
109	The playing of his cittern was out of tune and time\
110	I found his lyrics charming but alas they were alarming\
111	For the syllables were plentiful but the words just didn't rhyme!''
112	--> ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2LKlYGEHM4 The Inept Wooer]]'', the Merry Wives of Windsor
113
114	-> '''Plankton:''' Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.\
115	'''Squidward:''' . . . [[KickTheDog Mediocre . . .?]]
116	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants''
117
118	->''Yeah, uh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and we understand you have a dying animal on the premises.''
119	-->--'''Snail Doctor''' after hearing '''Squidward''''s clarinet playing, ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants''
120
121	->'''Narrator:''' Incredibly, Gagawa takes out a microphone and starts singing.\
122	'''Gagawa:''' This is the...♪\
123	love story...♪\
124	of a carp from Ginza...♪\
125	'''Narrator:''' He's... bad. Really bad.
126	-->-- ''VisualNovel/IdolHakkenden''
127
128	->Marvin had started off as a country singer, singing old Conway Twitty and Johnny Cash songs. He had done regular live concerts from San Quentin jail until the Civil Rights people got him under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause.
129	-->--''Literature/GoodOmens''
130
131	->It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be a sound and became some sort of invasive presence.\
132	\
133	There had been plenty of singers whose high notes could [[GlassShatteringSound smash a glass]], but Nanny's high C could clean it.
134	-->--''Literature/LordsAndLadies''
135
136	->''...but the last time a video of mine got flagged [[ArtificialStupidity by a bot]] for breaching community standards, which was me singing Happy Birthday to [=SumitoMedia=], Youtube decided it was a '''hate crime''', and deleted the video ''and'' gave me a community strike.''
137	-->-- '''[=LazerPig=]''' on why he's cut singing segments from his videos, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xoLVIIyEbI A perfectly sober discussion on WW1 French Tanks]]''
138
139	->'''[[SmallNameBigEgo Swagmaster]]:''' Ahem, anyway. You guys are in detention. Go write "Swag is best" one bajillion times on the board then you can leave.\
140	'''Meggy:''' And if we don't?\
141	'''Swagmaster:''' ....I'm gonna start yodelling.\
142	''[Meggy and [=SMG4=] both don 'OhCrap' faces and run to the board to start writing]''
143	-->-- ''[[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'', "[[Recap/SMG4sMarioBloopersMarioSuffersInfiniteDetention Mario Suffers Infinite Detention]]"
144
145	->'''Taylor Blackwell:''' How do I get the ability to summon birds on demand?\
146	'''David Nuttail:''' Carry food in your hands. It works all the time, so long as the birds can see the food. Just make sure they don’t leave some, uh, leavings, on the food.\
147	'''Taylor:''' Retcon: How do I get the ability to summon birds on demand that are not out to steal my food or kill me ^^\
148	'''DTIBA:''' Learn to sing like Snow White.\
149	'''Taylor:''' Tried singing, summoned Literature/{{Cthulhu\|Mythos}}, need help.
150	-->-- Found in the comments of [[https://www.twindragonscomic.com/comic/above-and-beyond/ this page]] of ''Webcomic/TwinDragons''
151
152	->We've played in the West
153	->We've played in the East
154	->We've heard the most
155	->But you're the least!
156	-->'''--WesternAnimation/TheThreeLittleBops''', WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes
157
158	->'''Rivka:''' Have you brought...offering?\
159	'''Olympia:''' Yes. I prepared a song. ''[singing]'' Here I aaam, in the heart of the wooorld-\
160	'''Rivka:''' Baby Genius agrees to help ''if you do not sing.''\
161	'''Olympia:''' Oh. O-Okay.
162	-->-- ''Series/OddSquad'', "[[Recap/OddSquadS2E18OrchidsAlmostHalfHourTalentShowThePerfectScore The Perfect Score]]"
163
164	->'''Orla:''' So be it. A ''band'' broke up. Is it really the end of the world?\
165	'''Oprah:''' Yes! There's something about Soundcheck most people don't know. They're the only ones who can stop this very dangerous villain group. ''[turns on the screen behind her]'' The Villain People. My least favorite band. Their songs are very annoying, but they also have the power to create major oddness.\
166	'''Narrator:''' The Big O was right. The Villain People's music wasn't just bad, it was evil. And they wanted to use it to TakeOverTheWorld.
167	-->-- ''Series/OddSquad'', "[[Recap/OddSquadS3E11MusicOfSound Music of Sound]]"
168
169	-> ''To describe the young haremaid's voice as akin to a frog trapped beneath a hot stone [[InsultToRocks would be a great insult to both frog and stone]].''
170	-->-- The narration on Dotti, ''[[Literature/{{Redwall}} Lord Brocktree]]''
171
172	->'''Ibuki Mioda:''' Alright, it’s time for the next song! It’s called, “You Are Cute And I Am Angry!” Ibuki wrote it because cute people are the bane of her existence, and –\
173	'''Kazuichi Souda:''' NOOOO! NO - MORE - SONGS!\
174	'''Mahiru Koizumi:''' It…might be better if we did things more like a traditional summer festival from here, Ibuki-chan. I think our ears need a little time to recover…
175	-->--''Fanfic/SystemRestore'', Chapter 12
176
177	-> ''"Sometimes, when they're in a pleasant mood, the Pikmin will start to sing a little tune. Feeling inspired, I tried to join in...until [[NoJustNoReaction they went noticeably silent]]. I suppose my singing doesn't appeal to their musical tastes."''

Context Quotes / DreadfulMusician