Line #120 Main/TheThreeCertaintiesInLife


1	''[[SelfDemonstratingArticle Three things are certain in life, they say]]: death, taxes, and people understanding what this trope is about by the time they finish this sentence.''
2
3	The Three Certainties In Life can either be a [[ComedyTropes Stock Joke]] or a {{Stock Phrase\|s}} that is mostly inspired by the quote often attributed to Creator/BenjaminFranklin, "Nothing is certain but [[WeAllDieSomeday death]] and [[IntimidatingRevenueService taxes]]."
4
5	Because [[RuleOfThree three is a magic number]], appending a third item after "death" and "taxes" has the immediate effect of turning one person's observation of a perceived, frequently occurring event or incident into a punchline or poignant quip which shares similarity to TheTriple.
6
7	Occasionally, someone may list three things ''without'' "death" or "taxes" being one of them. In this regard, "birth and death" is a commonly seen variant. Another popular wordswap, attributed to UsefulNotes/AlbertEinstein, is "nothing is infinite but the universe and human stupidity, and [[HumansAreMorons I'm not too sure about the universe...]]"
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9	See also: RuleOfThree, TheTriple, and OddLastItemIndex. Compare: ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and ThereAreTwoKindsOfPeopleInTheWorld.
10
11	----
12	!!Death, Taxes, and Examples:
13
14	[[foldercontrol]]
15
16	[[folder:Comic Strips]]
17	* A ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' strip had a variant: "Death, taxes, and teddy bears. Three things you can always count on."
18	* A vintage Sunday ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'' comic strip where Lucy, holding a football, challenged Charlie Brown to name three things that are certain. Charlie Brown guessed death and taxes but drew a blank at the third...until Lucy pulled the football away. "It was so obvious, Charlie Brown."
19	* One ''ComicStrip/{{Zits}}'' strip had the father saying, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." The teen continues, "And homework." The mom finishes it off by thinking, "And knowing I'll get stuck with the dinner dishes."
20	[[/folder]]
21
22	[[folder:Fanfiction]]
23	* ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6403948/39/Common-Interests Common Interests]]'':
24	-->'''Snape:''' Studying is a necessary evil.\
25	'''Skullduggery:''' Like death, taxes, and stupid people.
26	* [[https://archiveofourown.org/works/33418051/chapters/83011447 Two steps To The Left - A Waltz]] has several in-narration examples, most of them following this format:
27	-->The sky is blue.\
28	Grass is green.\
29	Homura can never save Madoka, not even from herself.\
30	These three things seem to be cardinal laws, rules of which the very fabric of the universe is built. There can be no give without take, no right without left, no up without down.
31
32	[[/folder]]
33
34	[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
35	* ''Film/CheaperByTheDozen2003'' has a variant. Hank notes, "All I'm saying is families are inevitable; they're like death or taxes."
36	* From ''Film/MeetJoeBlack'', "...the truth is, joining John Bontecou is every bit as certain as death and taxes." This is said to [[TheGrimReaper Death himself in the guise of the eponymous Joe Black]], who expresses some surprise and amusement at the saying. Later on made into a borderline stealth pun (Call Back? Ironic Echo?) when Joe Black impersonates an IRS agent.
37	[[/folder]]
38
39	[[folder:Literature]]
40	* Inverted: Creator/AlFranken writes in ''Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them'' about the Republican Party's attempts to abolish the Estate Tax:
41	--> For America's heirs and heiresses, only one thing would be certain: death, OR taxes.
42	* Iain M Banks' ''Literature/TheCulture'' series features a ship called ''Death and Gravity'', which is spun off from the "death and taxes" phrase; after the Culture abolished taxes (and money), people say "gravity", instead of "taxes".
43	* A book about the Selectividad[[note]]An exam that is required in Spain to take in order to be able to go to the University[[/note]] begins, ''Cynics say there're two things certain in life: death and taxes. Students know there's a third: Selectividad''.
44	* In ''Literature/TheAtomicBloodstainedBus'', the three certainties are death, taxes and ceiling fans.
45	* In ''Literature/ReaperMan'', everyone in Sheepridge suspects that Mr. Bill Door is probably a revenuer. When Miss Flitworth tells Bill Door this, his response is [[TheGrimReaper NO. NOT TAXES]].
46	[[/folder]]
47
48	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
49	* On ''Series/GreysAnatomy'', the title character once remarked, "In life only one thing is certain, besides death and taxes... No matter how hard we try, no matter how good our intentions, we are going to make mistakes."
50	* ''Series/PrisonBreak'':
51	** In the first season:
52	--->'''Sucre:''' There are three things that are certain in life: death, taxes and count.
53	** Later:
54	--->'''Agent Mahone:''' Three things in life are certain... death, taxes, and the fact that a man on the run will make a mistake sometime in the first 72 hours.
55	* A character on the SoapOpera ''Series/GuidingLight'' once remarked that love isn't "a sure thing," but her grandfather, on the other hand, "is right up there with death and taxes."
56	* There's a [[RunningGag Running Joke]] amongst fans of the Series/EurovisionSongContest that goes, "There are only three things certain in life: Death, Taxes, and Greece and Cyprus exchanging maximum votes." However, with new rules in place for future competitions, this may now be obsolete.
57	* A gag on ''Series/KeepingUpAppearances'' once compared being invited to one of Hyacinth Buck... err... Bouquet's candlelight suppers to the inevitability of death and taxes.
58	* A TV special based on the ''Miss Peach'' comic strip had the line, "For adults there's death and taxes, and for us kids there's school."
59	* ''Series/MarriedWithChildren'': When Al's touchdown record was about to be broken, he was so sure of it he declared it one of the three things he was certain of happening. The other two were that he'd sell shoes until the day he dies and Peggy would win the lottery the next day.
60	* The Science Channel's series ''Series/{{Curiosity}}'' had one episode as the structure of a [[SpeculativeDocumentary future documentary]] in a society of humans who have used technology to become immortal, in which [[ItMakesSenseInContext Adam Savage]] tells this saying to those who were born in the 31st century, then adds [[LivingForeverIsAwesome "and it sucked."]]
61	* On ''Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver'', host Creator/JohnOliver's introduction to a topic on death began, "Death, it's one of the few things you can't avoid, along with taxes and plugging in a flash drive upside-down on the first try."
62	[[/folder]]
63
64	[[folder:Music]]
65	* In [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdRqoVSZPE "Everybody Poops"]] by Buster Puppet, the three certainties are listed as death, taxes, and everybody poops.
66	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKpQRjj_WbU God is great, beer is good...and people are crazy.]]
67	[[/folder]]
68
69	[[folder:Pro Wrestling]]
70	* In a 1993 story arc involving an inter-promotional feud between the Wrestling/{{WWE}} and USWA, Wrestling/VinceMcMahon cut a promo in which he said that the three guarantees in life were [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3mGNF1cLg Death, Taxes]], and Wrestling/RandySavage.
71	* [[Wrestling/TheDudleyBoys Team 3-D (The Dudley Boys)]] had a T-shirt in [[Wrestling/ImpactWrestling TNA]] that had "Death, Taxes, Tables" on the back.
72	* Wrestling/TheUndertaker once claimed that there are three things that can't be beaten: death, taxes, and The Streak.
73	[[/folder]]
74
75	[[folder:Theater]]
76	* The song "For Now" from ''Theatre/{{Avenue Q}}'' has a lyric: Except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now.
77	[[/folder]]
78
79	[[folder:Video Games]]
80	* In [[Creator/ElectronicArts EA Sports']] ''FIFA 2010'', matches involving [[UsefulNotes/BritishFootyTeams Chelsea FC]] may feature small anecdotes, as told by the game's commentators, about the club's history and rise to form as one of England's powerhouse clubs during lull moments in the game. One such anecdote includes Martin Tyler remarking on how Chelsea once used to be the ButtMonkey of many jokes amongst comedians, including one such joke, "Three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and Chelsea keeps building up only to disappoint."
81	* In the ''VideoGame/MightAndMagic'' games, some [=NPCs=] state that there are only three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and that you'll hear the comment about death and taxes sooner or later.
82	* If you play [[Creator/BlizzardEntertainment Blizzard]] games three things are certain in life: death, taxes and [[DevelopmentHell soon]][[TradeSnark ™]].
83	* Yasuo of ''VideoGame/LeagueOfLegends'' has his own take on this phrase as one of his jokes.
84	-->"There are three certainties in life: Honor, death... and hangovers."
85	[[/folder]]
86
87	[[folder:Web Original]]
88	* Website/TVTropes describes {{shipping}} as one of the fundamental forces of nature, along with Death and Taxes.
89	* In ''WebVideo/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory'' "Ben Franklin vs. Billy Mays", Franklin asserts that his victory is ''more'' certain than death or taxes.
90	* [=MatPat=], creator of WebVideo/GameTheory, made a post on Twitter saying that the three certainties of life are "Death, Taxes, and the ice cream machine at [=McDonald=]'s being broken whenever you want a cone."
91	* In WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic's review of ''Film/BluesBrothers2000'', the Critic says "Here's the only thing certain after death, taxes, and everything you love either getting a shitty sequel or a shitty remake: commercials!" before going to a commercial break.
92	[[/folder]]
93
94	[[folder:Western Animation]]
95	* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
96	** In the episode "Sideshow Bob Roberts," [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed Birch Barlow]] declares:
97	--->'''Birch Barlow:''' You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of here in Springfield: one, the bats in the public library...\
98	''[scene switch to man opening card catalog and screaming as bats fly out]''\
99	'''Birch Barlow:''' ... two, Mrs. [=McFierly's=] compost heap...\
100	''[scene switch to huge compost pile and Mrs. [=McFierly=] rocking nearby with a shotgun, cackling]''\
101	'''Birch Barlow:''' ... and three, our six-term mayor, ''[scene switch to Quimby watering a marijuana plant]'' the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking, spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby.\
102	'''Mayor Quimby:''' Hey! [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne I am no longer illiterate!]]
103	** The [[CouchGag intro billboard]] for "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS21E18ChiefOfHearts Chief of Hearts]]" is [[https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-u1L6vx3ZA-Q/Wcbm4mAof0I/AAAAAAAA1ic/B6jFMR3ymwsxWQYcHeVSAbKT4NugW6zYQCLcBGAs/s640/The-Simpsons-Los-mejores-billboard-gags-2.jpg a picture]] of Mr. Burns with the text "DEATH AND TAXES: TWO THINGS I AVOID".
104	[[/folder]]
105
106	[[folder:Other]]
107	* From a collection of haiku computer error messages:
108	--> Three things are certain:\
109	taxes, death, and lost data.\
110	Guess which has occurred?
111	[[/folder]]
112
113	[[folder:Real Life]]
114	* In Brazil, there's a saying: there are three things that you do just once in life: you are born, you die and "insert X here".
115	* One proverb of anonymous origin observes, "Only three things in life are certain: birth, death, and change."
116	* Another of unknown origin argues, "There are only three certainties in life; The laws of physics, [[FinaglesLaw the laws of Murphy]], and death."
117	* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_Lloyd Seth Lloyd]], a professor of mechanical engineering at MIT, once remarked,
118	--> "Nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and the second law of thermodynamics. All three are processes in which useful or accessible forms of some quantity, such as energy or money, are transformed into useless, inaccessible forms of the same quantity. That is not to say that these three processes don't have fringe benefits: taxes pay for roads and schools; the second law of thermodynamics drives cars, computers and metabolism; and death, at the very least, opens up tenured faculty positions."
119	* [[UsefulNotes/TheHouseOfStuart Charles II]] is alleged to have said, "There are three things in life that are certain: death, taxes, and [[UsefulNotes/BritishWeather that it is raining]] in [[UsefulNotes/TheWestCountry Tavistock]]."
120	* An old adage among comic book fans is, "There are only three people who [[ComicBookDeath stay dead in Comics]]: [[ComicBook/SpiderMan Ben Parker]], [[ComicBook/{{Batman}} Jason Todd]], and [[ComicBook/CaptainAmerica Bucky Barnes]]." [[SubvertedTrope The fact that two out of three have come back to life should tell you all you need to know about death in comics.]] These days, most people will substitute [[ComicBook/{{Batman}} Thomas and Martha Wayne]] for Jason and Bucky (no, ComicBook/FlashpointDCComics doesn't count as Thomas returning).
121	* According to an old saying, a ProperLady's name only appears in the newspaper on three occasions: when she is born, when she gets married, and when she dies.
122	[[/folder]]
123	----
124	->''There are three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and [[JustForFun/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife TV Tropes Ruining Your Life]].''

Context Main / TheThreeCertaintiesInLife