Line #40 Literature/TheEyeOfArgon


1	[[quoteright:300:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/eye-of-argon_1455.jpg]]
2
3	->''"Grignr slipped his right hand to his thigh, concealing a small opague object beneath the folds of the g-string wrapped about his waist. Brine wells swelled in Grignr's cold, jade squinting eyes, which grown accustomed to the gloom of the stygian pools of ebony engulfing him, were bedazzled and blinded by flickerering radiance cast forth by the second soldiers's resin torch."''
4
5	Described as "the worst fantasy novella ever", ''[[http://ansible.co.uk/misc/eyeargon.html The Eye of Argon]]'' is a story by then 16 year-old Jim Theis. It's the tale of Grignr, a foul-mouthed barbarian warrior who is trying to escape the dungeons of EvilOverlord Agaphim and rescue a young woman named Carthena from a pagan cult who want to sacrifice her to their idol -- a statue with one eye called "The Eye of Argon". (A "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beryl#Red_beryl scarlet emerald]]", complete with some interesting plumbing.)
6
7	Published in the fanzine OSFAN 7 in 1970, the story is well known for its [[ClicheStorm abundant cliches]], [[{{Malaproper}} shoddy spelling]], [[FlatCharacter flat characters]], [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe wooden dialogue]] and [[PurpleProse overly colourful writing]]. Every woman is a "wench", eyes are "emerald orbs". [[SaidBookism Almost nothing is ever "said"]] -- instead it is "queried" or [[HaveAGayOldTime "ejaculated"]] or "husked" or "stated [[PerfectlyCromulentWord whimsicoracally]]". There's an extended scene involving elderly cult priests groping Carthena, and she is described earlier as a "half-naked harlot... with a lithe, opaque nose". One cult member [[DeusExMachina randomly faints from an epileptic fit in battle]], and another suffers a savage, multi-paragraph GroinAttack.
8
9	The most widely-known and circulated copy of the story comes to an abrupt and unsatisfactory halt, and for many years it was believed that the ending was lost forever (or even, in some quarters, that the story was never completed). Recent years have seen the separate discoveries of two intact copies of the fanzine in which ''The Eye of Argon'' debuted, so it is now known how the tale ends. (With multiple exclamation marks, it turns out.)
10
11	At science fiction conventions, ''The Eye of Argon'' is now a sort of parlor game. All participants sit in a circle with a hard copy of the story, and the first one starts reading aloud -- pronouncing every word as it's misspelled, and including every adjective. When they finally [[{{Corpsing}} burst into laughter]], the copy is passed to the next person. If a person manages to make it through more than a page, the copy is sometimes passed anyway, on the grounds that the reader must have special training as a news anchor.
12
13	A [[http://ansible.co.uk/misc/eyeargon.html nicely-retyped transcription]], not perfect but quite a bit better, has long been in circulation, with a transcriber's note apologising for its inability to reproduce the original's equally awful typesetting and illustrations. It is now also possible to view a [[http://ansible.co.uk/misc/eyeargon.pdf facsimile copy]] of the original publication, in all its strangely-set and oddly-illustrated glory. This facsimile ''does'' include the lost ending.
14
15	You can also purchase an [[http://www.amazon.com/The-Eye-Argon-Jim-Theis/dp/0809562618 authorized print edition]].
16
17	As reading it raw may cause brain damage, you can settle for [[https://groups.google.com/forum/#!msg/rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc/CnNYan2bW00/dOAR7wTg5yEJ the MST'd version]] (by Creator/AdamCadre) which naturally calls out many of the tropes listed here, and it's not hard to find {{dramatic reading}}s of it on [=YouTube=]. It also [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBc1aQeqZTQ got the treatment]] from ''LetsPlay/LetsDrownOut'', and a whole season of the podcast ''Podcast/ThreeHundredSeventyTwoPagesWellNeverGetBack'' reading through it from start to finish. [[WatchItStoned For those who are unable to read it sober,]] we have the DrinkingGame over [[DrinkingGame/TheEyeOfArgon here]]. An example of the game can be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBc1aQeqZTQ here]]. Geoff Bottone actually wrote a version of the story called ''[[https://www.amazon.com/Gr%C3%AFgnyr-Ecordian-Retelling-Eye-Argon-ebook/dp/B07PCX28JD Grïgnyr the Ecordian]]'', which aimed to make a compelling version of the story that Theis probably envisioned in his head.
18
19	Compare Creator/AmandaMcKittrickRos, ''Literature/AtlantaNights'' and ''FanFic/MyImmortal''.
20
21	----
22	!!This story provides examples of:
23
24	* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: A nauseating amount. For example, Grignr ducks an axe swing which misses him entirely but ends up ''severing several scarlet locks from his scalp''.
25	* AdiposeRex: Agaphim, and Jim makes sure we know about it.
26	--> ''The paunchy noble’s sagging round face flushed suddenly pale...His sagging flabs rolled like a tub of upset jelly, then compressed as he sucked in his gut in an attempt to conceal his softness...The noble cupped his drooping double chin...The fat prince stood undulating in insurmountable fear...his flabs of jellied blubber pulsating to and fro in ripples of flowing terror.'''
27	* ALadyOnEachArm: Agaphim sits with [[{{Fanservice}} a naked wench]] at each arm in his throne room.
28	* AlcoholInducedIdiocy: The narration establishes that the soldier who confronts Grignr in the tavern normally wouldn't have done so, but he was too drunk to realize starting a fight with a huge, well-armed man over a hooker instead of waiting his turn with her wasn't worth the risk.
29	* AmusingInjuries: Double subverted when the head priest gets [[GroinAttack kicked in the nuts]] -- or rather, ''between'' them. Rather than saying something like "With a groan of pain, the priest crumpled to the ground, doubled up over his knees and clutching himself," Theis treats us to a long paragraph giving a blow-by-blow of the priest's bizarre reaction by body part. This is so over-the-top (such as the priest's knees wobbling "rapidly about for a few seconds"), that it comes across like it's being played for comedy, but it's treated seriously in the narrative. However, the hyper-dramatic, [[PurpleProse exquisitely detailed]] prose makes the whole situation amusing to imagine.
30	* {{Angrish}}: Prince Agaphim starts to spout "muffled sibilant gibberish" when Grignir calls him a fat idiot.
31	* AntiClimax:
32	** Agaphim, despite being built up as the main villain, [[spoiler:is burned alive by Carthena without a fight. He is not even the final challenge of the book.]]
33	** After pages of over-the-top fight scenes, Grignr's final enemy is a mystical leech, [[spoiler:the Eye itself]], that sucks [[OverdrawnAtTheBloodBank an absurd amount of blood]] from his leg only to die when burned with a torch. Downplayed, as it's still the most difficult foe Grignr faces.
34	* ArtisticLicenseBiology:
35	** Given that the gene that produces Grignr's red hair also tends to produce fair skin with a tendency to burn and freckle rather than tan evenly (at least in Caucasians; red hair is not unheard of in parts of central Asia), it's rather surprising that Grignr's skin is "bronzed". Most people, let alone red-headed Europeans, would be somewhere between extremely uncomfortable and nearly dead after traveling across a desert in the blazing sun for at least an entire day wearing only a {{loincloth}}, a helmet and sandals, but Grignr suffers [[MadeOfIron no ill effects at all]]. Granted, combinations of red hair and dark skin ''can'' occur naturally in non-European or mixed-race populations, and some redheads can develop so many freckles as to ''appear'' tanned after extended sun exposure, but on balance it's unlikely that Theis was thinking about either of these. That said, this is a fantasy story, and the ethnicities of its world don't necessarily map onto those of ours.
36	** The shaman who gets [[GroinAttack kicked "between" the testicles]] grabs his urinary gland in pain.
37	*** He's described as the "ruptured shaman" after being kicked in the balls by a not-particularly-strong woman wearing sandals. It's remotely possible that this ''could'' have ruptured one or both of his testicles, but extremely unlikely.
38	*** Carthena supposedly kicks the shaman ''between'' his testicles. Unless she has a ''really'' small foot, this doesn't make much sense. It was probably ''supposed'' to say either that he got kicked ''in'' the testicles, or ''between'' the legs.
39	** The following diatribe from the author, after Grignr gets tossed into a cell:
40	--->''He has slept three times and had been fed five times since his awakening in the crypt. However, when the actions of the body are restricted its needs are also affected. The need for nourishmnet and slumber are directly proportional to the functions the body has performed, meaning that when free and active Grignr may become hungry every six hours and witness the desire for sleep every fifteen hours, whereas in his present condition he may encounter the need for food every ten hours, and the want for rest every twenty hours.''
41	* AuthorAppeal: Almost every chapter contains at least a mention of breasts. Carthena even ''speaks'' "bustily".
42	* AuthorVocabularyCalendar: Theis seems to be fond of the word "swiveled" -- or, as he misspells it, "swilveled". Also "stygian," "oval," and "opaque". Every lighting source is a "cuppex" or "cresset", too.
43	* AwesomeButImpractical:
44	** The prison guards' gear includes huge, two-handed, double-headed battleaxes (slow to swing and difficult to use effectively in the narrow confines of a tunnel) and half-length cloaks with no discernable purpose other than to give prisoners something to grab if they fight back.
45	** Agaphim's personal guards wear chainmail made of gold, one of the softest metals known.
46	** In Agaphim's throne room, he sits upon a golden throne set on an ivory floor in a lavishly appointed room, with [[{{Fanservice}} a naked wench]] [[ALadyOnEachArm at each arm]]...and, inexplicably, his advisor Agafnd sits on his back (or possibly behind him, making him a literal case of TheManBehindTheMan - the wording is very unclear).
47	** Agaphim uses a secret tunnel out of the catacombs under his palace as a torture chamber, so he can gloat over his victims. This also means anyone can walk in or out of the catacombs and kill him with impunity.
48	* BadGuyBar: In the second chapter, Grignr goes to a Gorzom tavern that is filled with mercenaries, cutthroats, and prostitutes, although being an AntiHero, he feels right at home there. The real danger is at the prince's palace.
49	* BarbarianHero: Grignr, a very obvious CaptainErsatz of Franchise/ConanTheBarbarian.
50	* BarbarianLonghair: The protagonist, northern barbarian Grignr, has long red hair. It's also described as "robust," but given the author's attitude towards adjectives, that could mean almost anything.
51	* BattleCry: Grignr's is "hoarsely piercing." Usually includes the phrase "by the surly beard of Mrifk!"
52	** The epileptic shaman, or possibly Grignr's eardrums, give a "maddened, blood lusting screech" when the shaman attacks Grignr.
53	* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is muscular and ruggedly handsome, and it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely]].
54	* TheBerserker:
55	** Grignr attacks with UnstoppableRage and wild abandon.
56	** The epileptic shaman is "a raving maniac bent soley upon reaking vengeance."
57	* {{BFS}}: Inverted. Most of the swords described are "a foot of blinding steel", which actually would make them more daggers than swords. Theis might have meant "yard" but there's no way to be sure.
58	* TheBigGuy: "Huge" Grignr, a "behemoth" with "mighty thews" and "bulging sinews".
59	* {{Bizarrchitecture}}: Grignr comes across a disused storeroom which inexplicably has a BoobyTrap in it. The trap reveals a gap in the floor, which he climbs down, finding himself in a mausoleum. Then, he discovers another SecretUndergroundPassage in a sarcophagus, which leads down into a sacrificial room.
60	* BlackAndGrayMorality: As in most SwordAndSorcery fiction, a self-interested AntiHero (Grignr) is pitted against an unambigiously evil villain (Agaphim).
61	* BlingBlingBang: Subverted. Agafnd and Agaphim wield jewel-hilted daggers, while the "shamen" use similarly jewelled scimitars for self-defense and a [[BrutishCharacterBrutishWeapon carved, solid gold mallet]] as a sacrificial weapon. All of them are totally ineffectual with these weapons, unable to kill or wound anyone, or even mount an effective defense.
62	* BloodLust: The sacrificial "alter" is sloped with a slit in the lowest corner, which stands above a pail with chalices arranged around it -- presumably the "shamen" intend to drain and drink Carthena's blood as part of their ritual, but it's never explicitly stated.
63	* BoobyTrap: Grignr manages to dodge one he accidentally sets off. It later kills one of the "shamen". See ChekhovsGun, below.
64	* BookcasePassage: A secret passage out of the palace is opened by twisting a torch bracket and pushing a panel on the wall.
65	* BrutishCharacterBrutishWeapon: The "shamen" - who are depicted as superstitious and cruel, and whose leader is described as looking like an ape - use a gold mallet as a sacrificial weapon. [[BlingBlingBang Being made of gold]], it's [[AwesomeButImpractical not much use in an actual fight]].
66	* TheCaligula: Agaphim is a cruel, hedonistic, thin-skinned sadist who has people like slaves in his mines and responds to his people complaining about his oppressive taxes by ''taxing them even more heavily'', apparently for no other reason than sheer cruelty.
67	* CaptainObvious: "The foot-trodden floor." As opposed to what?
68	* ChekhovsGun: While sneaking through the castle, Grigr sets off a BoobyTrap, but manages to leap out of the way in time. He then realizes that, if any guards are about, simply seeing that the trap has been activated could tip them off to his whereabouts, so he resets the trap. Later on, the same trap saves Grigr from the last of the Argon cultists, who sets it off while trying to sneak up on him.
69	* CostumePorn: Oh, so very much, coupled with PurpleProse.
70	* CrapsackWorld: Everyone and everything is roguish and violent.
71	* CruelAndUnusualDeath: Agaphim initially plans to have Grignr tortured to death before Agafnd persuades him that forcing him to slave away in the mines would be an even worse punishment.
72	-->'''Agaphim''': ''Take this uncouth heathen to the vault of misery, and be sure that his agonies are long and drawn out...''
73	* CrypticBackgroundReference:
74	** Grignr invokes the name of Mrifk a few times, usually as a swear word ("By the surly beard of Mrifk!"). We can infer that Mrifk is some kind of Ecordian god or culture hero, but any details beyond that - particularly the question of a how a beard can be surly - remain unclear.
75	** In addition to the main setting of Gorzom, there are references to a city called Crin (which Grignr is fleeing at the beginning of the story) and Barwego (Carthena's hometown, apparently a duchy that pays tribute to Gorzom).
76	* DamselInDistress: Carthena gets captured by the Argon cultists for use as a HumanSacrifice, and Grignr has to rescue her.
77	* DecadentCourt: Agaphim lives in incredible luxury, and seems to spend his entire time [[BigEater eating]], torturing people, sitting about with [[{{Fanservice}} naked "wenches"]], and according to the illustrations, [[TheStoner smoking joints]].
78	* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment:
79	** "The Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony", which amounts to "the dark cloud of black black".
80	** "All that remained was a dark red blotch upon the face of the earth, blotching things up." Blotches tend to do that.
81	* DeusExMachina: Grignr, the barbarian protagonist, is locked in combat with a bunch of cultists. During the fight, one of his opponents just collapses in the middle of the fight from an epileptic "siezure". Downplayed, because Grignr clearly has the upper hand anyway.
82	* DisproportionateRetribution: Agaphim, with no knowledge of the murder Grignr has committed, sentences Grignr to a lifetime of slavery for ''insulting him''.
83	* TheEmpire: Gorzom (or Gorzam) is said to be part of The Norgolian Empire, who are presumably pretty bad.
84	* EvilChancellor: Agafnd brings the trope to mind, although he and Agaphim are on the same side. Agafnd seems to be the more devious of the two, but he is fiercely loyal to the prince, even [[TakingTheBullet jumping in front of Grignr's sword]] to save his liege. Don't blame yourself if you get Agaphim and Agafnd mixed up, though.
85	* EvilLaugh: Agaphim does this twice: first a "nobly cackle" of "Ha, Ha Ha, Haaa", then later a "Ha-a".
86	* TheEvilPrince: Agaphim. His response to his subjects complaining about oppressive taxes is to tax them even more oppressively. As prince of a city within an empire, it's ambiguous what his relationship is to the larger imperial regime, or whether he is in line to be king of something grander than Gorzom.
87	* EvilVersusEvil: Carthena claims that the human-sacrificing Cult of Argon is enemies with Agaphim and his oppressive regime, who worship a god called Sargon.
88	* {{Fainting}}: One of the shamen [sic] faints for no reason, Carthena passes out quite a few times, but Grignr -- despite losing a bathtub's-worth of blood at the climax -- never faints.
89	* FanserviceExtra: The naked women [[ALadyOnEachArm at Agaphim's arms]]. Neither of them has any dialogue, name, or characterization, and they contribute nothing to the story. They're just there to show Agaphim's decadence.
90	* FatBastard: Agaphim is thoroughly evil and so unbelievably obese that his body fat appears to act of its own accord.
91	* FateWorseThanDeath: Agafnd persuades Agaphim that sentencing Grignr to a life of slave labor would be more of a punishment than being tortured to death.
92	* FieryRedhead: Grignr is our redheaded barbarian hero. His also-redheaded love interest Carthena has her moments of fieriness as well.
93	* {{Flanderization}}: A rapid-fire example. Agaphim's first described as a "short stocky man" with a "chuncky frame". Fair enough. Within paragraphs, he goes from stocky to "paunchy" and "fat", and in a couple more, judging by his blubbery, jelly-like flabs, massively obese.
94	* {{Gorn}}: Grignr takes a quarter of a chapter to decapitate a rat, and no gory detail is spared. Earlier, Grignr [[HalfTheManHeUsedToBe bisects a man]] in equal detail.
95	* GratuitousRape: The "shamen" molest Carthena for no apparent reason.
96	* GreenEyedMonster: When Carthena was one of Agaphim's slaves, a man named Doyanta made the mistake of being nice to her. Agaphim, paranoid that the two of them were romantically involved (Carthena claims they weren't, although Grignr isn't convinced), had Doyanta tortured to death.
97	* GroinAttack: The attack itself is quick, but the priest's reaction takes an entire two paragraphs.
98	-->"''Cocking her right foot backwards, she leashed it desperately outwards with the strength of a demon possessed, lodging her sandled foot squarely between the shaman's testicles.''"
99	* HaveAGayOldTime
100	** Grignr is repeatedly described as wearing a "g-string". When describing clothing, this used to refer to a type of {{loincloth}} worn by the men of some Native American tribes. Today, however, it almost exclusively (in a clothing context) means an extremely skimpy bottom design used for underwear and swimwear. Worse, he is "naked save for a loin cloth brandishing a long steel broad sword".
101	** Men call each other "slut" a lot in this story as well. See UnusualEuphemism below for more information.
102	* TheHedonist: Prince Agaphim lives in decadent luxury, and seems to pass the time [[VillainousGlutton eating]], hanging around with naked women, and [[TheStoner getting blazed]].
103	* HeroesPreferSwords: Grignr prefers a sword but uses an axe just as effectively. Swords are also the preferred weapons of the mercenaries in the opening chapter, the soldiers Grignr fights in the tavern, and the last of the shamans. Nobody uses ranged weapons of any description, unless you count the local peasants who, according to Carthena, regularly hurl "stones and [[ProducePelting rotting fruits]]" at Agaphim.
104	* HoistByHisOwnPetard: The "shamen" set up booby traps in the catacombs to keep anyone from discovering where they conduct their rites. One of them sets off a trap while pursuing Grignr and Carthena and gets killed by it.
105	* HoneyTrap: Carthena claims to have seduced, [[FemmeFatale then murdered]], a palace guard.
106	--> '''Carthena:''' It was a simple matter to seduce the sentry at the western gate. His trust found him with a dagger thrust his ribs.
107	* HookerWithAHeartOfGold: Carthena turns out to be the prostitute who serviced Grignr at the start of the story.
108	* HumanSacrifice: Grignr rescues Carthena from this fate.
109	* IdiotBall: Passed between the characters at blinding speed -- just about any time any character opens their mouth, something stupid comes out. More or less everything negative in the story could have been avoided if Grignr didn't try to resolve all conflicts with [[DisproportionateRetribution murder]].
110	* IHaveYouNowMyPretty: Carthena in the hands of the very handsy head shaman.
111	* ImmediateSelfContradiction:
112	** "[[RougeAnglesOfSatin Cushoning]] their bare feet were plush red felt slippers" -- if you wear footwear on your bare feet, then how are your feet bare?
113	** "Knowing where his steps were leading to", Grignr meanders aimlessly around the catacombs. Theis probably forgot to add the word "not".
114	* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy: One of the two guards sent to drag Grignr from his cell swings an axe at him from behind when Grignr attacks the second guard, Broig. Despite having readied the axe to swing at Grignr, who is ''facing the other way'', not only does the guard somehow miss Grignr entirely, but [[DeusExMachina accidentally kills Broig]].
115	* ImpossibleHourglassFigure: Carthena is described as both "slender" with a "trim build" and [[BuxomBeautyStandard endowed with a "bulging bosom" and "huge outcropping breasts]]".
116	* ImprovisedWeapon: Grignr stabs a guard with the sharpened [[BadWithTheBone pelvic bone]] of a rat.
117	* InformedAttribute: Grignr's genius. He is supposed to be very smart, but he usually responds to problems with brute force, and only once does he show enough brains to [[KnowWhenToFoldThem avoid a fight that would lead to certain defeat.]]
118	* ItCanThink: Subverted when the author feels it necessary to point out that several gargoyles aren't aware of what's going on around them.
119	* JumpPhysics: At one point, Agafnd apparently jumps over Grignr and Agaphim. This is probably not what the author meant by "Agafnd leaped Grignr and his sire", but it's difficult to read it any other way.
120	* {{Kevlard}}: Averted with Agaphim, who's hugely fat but whom [[spoiler:Carthena kills anticlimactically.]]
121	* KillItWithFire: [[spoiler:Carthena burns Agaphim to death with a flaming torch]].
122	* ALadyOnEachArm: Agaphim is introduced with a naked woman sitting on each arm of his throne.
123	* LeeroyJenkins: Armed with an axe, Grignr charges headlong into a couple of dozen enemies with no plans whatsoever.
124	* LowFantasy: Set in an Iron Age CrapsackWorld, where magic exists but is mysterious and little understood.
125	* MadeASlave: On Agafnd's advice, Agaphim tries to inflict this on Grignr. Carthena claims that she was subject to it too.
126	* MagicIsEvil: Implied and invoked. We're told that Grignr's culture have a strong aversion to all things supernatural, so they definitely think this trope applies. If there is any benign magic in this story's world, it never appears on the page.
127	* {{Malaproper}}:
128	** The narrative uses "leashed" to mean both "lashed" and "unleashed" (despite also using "unleashed" in the same paragraph).
129	** Characters are described as having "surly" hair/beards at some points, and it's unclear what word Theis is confusing it for (unruly, perhaps?)
130	* TheManBehindTheMan: Agafnd, the prince's loyal advisor, is literally described as sitting behind the throne. Fittingly, he is the real brains of their operation.
131	* MockGuffin: [[spoiler:The Eye itself turns out to be a cursed object that turns into a leech-like monster that Grignr has to kill, making his detour to acquire it AllForNothing]].
132	* MortonsFork: Grignr [[YouTalkTooMuch gets annoyed at Carthena's talking]], so he tells her to shut up. She does, which only serves to irritate him further.
133	* MundaneMadeAwesome:
134	** The following describes Grignr's wine being kicked over:
135	--> "''A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor.''"
136	** The narrator also spends six long sentences describing a guy falling over after being [[GroinAttack kicked in the crotch]].
137	* MurderIsTheBestSolution: Grignr's standard response to any conflict is to become furious and immediately resort to extreme violence. If he's prevented from immediately doing so, he spends his time planning a way to respond with violence.
138	* MysticalJade: The cultists worship a huge jade statue of their god, Argon, with a "scarlet emerald" as the titular eye. It's unclear if the statue itself has mystical powers, or just the eye, though.
139	* NeutralFemale: Zigzagged with Carthena. She does take an active role in the fight against Agafnd and Agaphim, managing to kill the latter, but during the climactic battle against the ooze monster, she faints immediately.
140	* NobleSavage: Gringr claims to be one, although by this point in the story he's long since left his native climes, been defeated twice, and gone out of his way to steal a petty bauble:
141	--> '''Grignr''': [[{{Hypocrite}} My people are not tarnished by petty luxuries and baubles. They remain fierce and unconquerable in their native climes.]]
142	* NobodyPoops: Grignr's dumped into an empty cell. While it's never stated how long he's in there, he sleeps at least three times and eats at least five times ([[ArtisticLicenseBiology the author provides a rambling lecture explaining that he can't rely on this to measure time as he doesn't need to sleep or eat as much due to his restricted activity]]). The guards feed him regularly, but no mention is made of his other biological needs.
143	* NoEnding: The most widely-circulated copy of the story ends abruptly during Grignr's final battle. Some people continue to believe that this is how the original version actually ended. The full text does have a proper resolution, though.
144	* NoodleIncident: At the beginning of the story, Grignr has just escaped from the city of Crin, where his behaviour has scandalized the local aristocracy to the point where they have sent mercenaries to kill him. We can only guess what he did to provoke such an extreme reaction.
145	* NoSell:
146	** One of the soldiers who arrests Grignr directs him through the streets by prodding him repeatedly with his sword. While he wasn't actually trying to kill or injure Grignr, this would certainly hurt and at least break skin, depending on how sharp the blade was. Grignr doesn't even acknowledge it.
147	** Grignr later gets punched in the face and scratched by a prison guard but doesn't react one bit.
148	--> "''The sentry plunged his right fist into Grignr's face, digging his grimy nails into the barbarians flesh.''"
149	* OffscreenTeleportation: The [[RodentsOfUnusualSize rat]] that attacks Gringr in his cell seems to be an unintentional example. It's stated earlier that the only entrance to the cell is a hatch on the ceiling, and there's nothing indicating the rat burrowed up from the ground, which makes it seem like it just magically appeared.
150	* OffWithHisHead: Grignr chops off a guard's head when he goes for his sword.
151	** Later, he rips the head off a [[RodentsOfUnusualSize huge rat]] with his bare hands.
152	* OhMyGods:
153	** "By the surly beard of Mrifk!" See CrypticBackgroundReference above.
154	** At the climax of the story, Carthena uses "Kalla!" as an exclamation of shock and horror. Perhaps this is the name of a god from her own culture.
155	* OurGargoylesRock: The ritual chamber contains "expertly chiseled forms of grotesque gargoyles". As these are statues rather than gargoyles, or even grotesques (sort of a gargoyle without a rainspout), the implication is that in this world gargoyles are a sort of creature and these are statues of said creature. Of course, this isn't explored at all, and it's likely that Theis simply meant that they were monstrous carved faces.
156	* OverdrawnAtTheBloodBank: At the end of the story, a leech... thing sucks a ridiculous amount of Grignr's blood.
157	* PaperThinDisguise: Carthena, a foreign noblewoman with a very striking and distinctive appearance, makes one of the most moronic decisions in the story: after escaping Agaphim's castle, she "lies low" by prostituting herself in a cheap tavern nearby, not having taken any steps to alter her appearance. Somehow, this boneheaded plan ''isn't'' the reason for her eventual capture.
158	* PerfectlyCromulentWord: The story is full of beauties. Among others, we have "appilevered", "expugnisively", "nerelady", "protruberating", "scozstic" and "yawkishly".
159	* ProducePelting: Agaphim is "often assaulted by hurtling stones and rotting fruits" when he leaves his palace.
160	* PurpleProse: Theis seemed to have an aversion to common words, and had access to a thesaurus. There's wenches and females, but never ''women'', and the sun was "half way through its daily rotation," but it's never ''noon''. He always refers to mounts, but never ''horses'', though it's implied when one of the mounts whinnies. Torches are always ''cressets'' and weapons and armour in particular are described with wildly varying and often contradictory nomenclature (basinets, morions, hauberks, cutlasses, poniards, scimitars..). At least the ''title'' is concise and looks like a normal title, apart from sharing the name of a noble gas.
161	* PutTheLaughterInSlaughter: After chopping a congregation of "shamen" to pieces, Grignr makes a [[PostMortemOneLiner quip]] about how his victims no longer need to worry about being punished by the EvilOverlord.
162	--> ''"They have no more to fear of Agaphim now!" [[SaidBookism Bellowed]] Grignr in a deep mirthful [[RougeAnglesOfSatin tome]]; a gleeful smirk upon his face.''
163	* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: When addressed by Agaphim, Grignr starts one, pauses to be beaten by a soldier, then resumes.
164	--> "I find you to be the only fool, sitting upon your pompous throne, enhancing the [[AdiposeRex rolling flabs of your belly]] in the midst of your [[DecadentCourt elaborate luxury]]and [...] I shall never understand the ways if your twisted civilization. I simply defend my honor and am condemned to life confinement, by a pig who sits on his [[SophisticatedAsHell royal ass wooing whores]], and knows nothing of the affairs of the land he imagines to rule!" [[SaidBookism Lectures]] Grignr ?
165	* RedheadsAreRavishing: The redheaded Grignr is repeatedly described in ways that imply rugged attractiveness, like possessing "bulging sinews at their peak of marvel". Carthena's hair is described as "orchid" (a vivid pinkish purple), and the narrator notes her "exquisitely molded body".
166	* RedHotMasculinity: The protagonist, Grignr, is a classic BarbarianHero (i.e. excessively macho and badass) with a "surly ''[sic]'' [[RedheadedHero red mane]]."
167	* ReligionIsMagic: All the magic we see in the story is associated with the cult of Argon.
168	* ReligionOfEvil: The worshipers of Argon, whose faith seems to consist entirely of performing {{Human Sacrifice}}s every three months. Gorzom's established religion, the worship of the similiarly-named god Sargon, is implied to be at best only slightly better, and may be merely a CorruptChurch.
169	* RodentsOfUnusualSize: The longest fight scene in the story is Grignr doing battle with a "garganuan" rat. [[{{Gorn}} He finally wins by twisting its head off]].
170	* RougeAnglesOfSatin: The original version had some atrocious spelling, although less faithful transcriptions sometimes correct these. See any of the quoted passages on this page for examples.
171	* SaidBookism: So very, very, very much. "Said" is avoided so hard that "[[YeOldeButcheredEnglish sayeth]]" gets used ''twice'' (both times incorrectly) just because Theis presumably couldn't think of any other word.
172	* SecretUndergroundPassage: Agaphim's palace seems to be ''riddled'' with them.
173	* SexInASharedRoom: When Grignr enters the pub men are gambling, drinking and "making love to willing prostitutes" on the tables.
174	* ShareTheMalePain: Averted. When the shaman suffers the above-mentioned GroinAttack, he's described as [[{{Gorn}} "the ruptured shaman"]]. He collapses and begins rolling around on the floor, bleeding heavily and screaming in pain. [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight The other "shamen" don't seem to react for some time]]. When they do, they pay no attention to him at all and their only response is to [[RapeAsDrama molest Carthena]].
175	* SignificantGreenEyedRedhead: Grignr, the hero, has flaming red hair and emerald orbs. Carthena, the heroine, is also a redhead, but her eyes are blue.
176	* SinisterScimitar: The cruel soldiers who arrest Grignr in the tavern are equipped with oak-hilted scimitars. The last of the shamans comes after Grignr with a scimitar as well.
177	* SophisticatedAsHell: Grignr has a filthy mouth but is quite verbose.
178	* {{Stripperiffic}}: Both male and female examples exist: Grignr wears a g-string (with folds), while Carthena wears [[DiamondsInTheBuff beads]].
179	* TheStoner: The illustration on Page 32 of the facsimile (presumably of Agaphim the evil prince) shows him smoking something that looks like a joint.
180	* StoutStrength: The fat priest has arms so muscular that they resemble those of an ape.
181	* StupidEvil: When Agafnd tells Agaphim that the commoners are complaining of feeling oppressed because they can't afford to pay his [[IntimidatingRevenueService ridiculously high taxes]], Agaphim decides to teach them a lesson by deliberately oppressing them with ''[[ArtisticLicenseEconomics yet higher taxes]]''.
182	-->'''Agafnd''': ''But the peasants are showing signs of growing unrest. They complain that they cannot [[RougeAnglesOfSatin feet]] their families while burdened with your taxes.''
183	-->'''Agaphim''': ''I shall teach those [[UnusualEuphemism sluts]] the meaning of humility! [[ForTheEvulz Order an immediate increase upon their taxes]]. They dare to question [[EvilOverlord my sovereign authority]], [[EvilLaugh Ha-a]], they shall soon learn what true oppression can be.''
184	* TalkingIsAFreeAction
185	-->"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.
186	* TapOnTheHead: Grignr takes two. The first time, it's downplayed; Grignr just shakes it off after being dazed for a second (justified in that he's wearing a helmet). The second time, it's played straight when a guard cleanly knocks him out with the haft of a pike and in the next chapter Grignr [[WakingUpElsewhere wakes up gradually in a cell]].
187	* ThirstyDesert: One of these surrounds Gorzom, and makes up a large portion of the Norgolian Empire.
188	* ThongOfShielding: Grignr wears a G-string, which apparently has folds. Theis was probably envisioning a loincloth.
189	* TitleDrop: at the end of chapter 3½.
190	* TooDumbToLive: A literal instance in the case of Doyanta, who flirted with the EvilOverlord Agaphim's wife in front of him.
191	* UnexplainedRecovery: Counselor Agafnd is stabbed through the ribs by Grignr in the second chapter, but is up on his feet a few chapters later. We're never explicitly told the earlier wound killed him, so maybe it was supposed to be OnlyAFleshWound, although from the way it's written and the extent of the injury, most readers come out the scene with the understanding that Agafnd is dead. Either way, his recovery is nothing short of miraculous, especially since not much time passed since he was stabbed.
192	* TheUnpronounceable: ''You'' try pronouncing "Grignr", "Agafnd" or "Mrifk". This gets particularly amusing when already consonant-heavy words lose their few vowels through typos -- the aforementioned Agafnd becomes "Agfnd" at one point. One gets the impression that the author has an irrational dislike of vowels. Dramatic readings sometimes attempt to bypass this by rendering "Grignr" as "Grignir" or "Grignar" and "Agafnd" as either "Agafund" or "Agafnud".
193	* UnusualChapterNumbers: There are two fractional chapters: Chapters 3½ and 7½. The former is the first chapter to break away from Grignr's POV to check in on Carthena and the cultists, while the latter is a brief flashback to the epileptic shaman's awakening.
194	* UnusualEuphemism: "Mrifk". In addition, while "slut" is a real word, using it as an insult against men is [[CurseOfTheAncients somewhat antiquated]], and that version ''still'' doesn't quite work in context as it meant "[[HaveAGayOldTime slovenly person]]", which isn't really any of the insultees' salient characteristics.
195	* VampiricDraining: The blob at the end sucks blood like a leech.
196	* VillainousValor: Agafnd shows this in his introductory scene. When Grignr grabs a sword and makes a mad dash to kill Agaphim, Agafnd leaps into the way, saving the prince and getting stabbed for his troubles.
197	* VomitIndiscretionShot:
198	-->"The vile stench of the Shaman's hot fetid breath over came the nauseated female with a deep soul searing sickness, causing her to wrench her head backwards and regurgitate a slimy, orangewhite stream of swelling gore over the richly woven purple robe of the enthused acolyte."
199	%%* WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma
200	* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: A minor example. When Grignr arrives in Gorzom, he hitches his horse outside the tavern where he gets arrested by the prince's soldiers. He never has a chance to go back and recover his horse. Given that he doesn't seem to have much of a bond with the horse (there's no reference to it having a name or anything), this is believable for his character. By the end of the story, he's found another horse.
201	* WhatsUpKingDude: The soldiers take Grignr straight to the city's prince Agaphim when he's arrested, despite the fact that a city of Gorzom's size and apparent wealth would presumably have a judiciary or at least a police force. Even more inexplicably, the king is sitting on his throne, apparently just waiting in case anyone needs to speak with him, even though the scene takes place in the middle of the night.
202	* WhyDontYouJustShootHim: Grignr is astonished the citizens of Gorzom don't depose the [[ZeroPercentApprovalRating incredibly unpopular]] Prince Agaphim. The story states that they are held in terror of his [[TheHorde enormous army]], but apparently they feel free to [[ProducePelting pelt him with garbage]] even when he's under heavy guard.
203	* WretchedHive: Gorzom appears to be one of these, from the [[BadGuyBar squalid tavern full of prostitutes and cutthroats]] to the [[DeadlyDecadentCourt decadent palace of the prince]].
204	* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: "Sayeth the king" would be correct, except that it's the wrong tense -- even then, "saith" would be more common in most dialects of Early Modern English. Carthena starts out talking this way, and Grignr does too shortly thereafter, when up 'til that point, he only talked in vulgarities.
205	* YouTalkTooMuch: Grignr doesn't say this to Carthena, but he thinks it, [[InformedFlaw even though she doesn't seem to be any more talkative than he is]].
206
207	----
208	!!Creator/AdamCadre's ''Mystery Science Theater 3000'' fan-{{MSTing}} presentation has examples of:
209
210	* FateWorseThanDeath: The straight lines from the original story are not left un-riffed. It happens so frequently it's lampshaded.
211	-->'''Carthena''': The prince would surely have submitted them to the most ghastly of tortures--
212	-->'''Crow''': Insert joke about having to read THE EYE OF ARGON here.
213	* HeroicBSOD: The abrupt, non-existent ending leaves Crow utterly broken, and the others are forced to leave him behind in the theater. [[http://keithpalmer.ca/mst3k/favourites/book-ads.txt Fortunately]], he recovers.
214	* {{MST}}: [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html One of the classics]], written by Creator/AdamCadre in 1996.
215	-->'''Story''': "The paunchy noble's sagging round face flushed suddenly pale,"\
216	'''Crow''': "It flushed pale? Did it blanch red after that?"\
217	'''Story''': "then pastily lit up to a lustrous cherry red radiance."\
218	'''Crow''': "Hold me."
219	* RunningGag:
220	--> '''Story''': "[some bit of PurpleProse, such as 'crimson droplets of escaping life fluid']"\
221	'''Crow''': "You mean [the normal word, such as 'blood']?"\
222	'''Mike''': "Let's not jump to conclusions."
223	** And anytime the word "slut" is used:
224	---> '''Crow''': "A slut? Where?"
225	** And the first few times Grignr's name is mentioned, Tom remarks on the absurdity of his name ([[Series/WheelOfFortune "I'd like to buy a vowel!"]]). [[OverusedRunningGag Then the others persuade him he's getting tiresome, and he stops]].
226	** And, also:
227	---> '''Story''': "[Something about a mount]"\
228	'''Mike''': Vesuvius! [a different mountain each time]
229	** And ''also''...
230	--->'''Story''': "...[adjective] gore..."
231	--->'''Mike''': "Albert's cousin from [American state]."
232	** And ''also'' also...
233	---> '''Story''': Groped/groping...\
234	'''Tom''': --a 17-year-old Senate page.
235	** There are also repeated references to Clarence Thomas, Bob Dornan and Bob Packwood.
236	** And more also...
237	---> '''Mike''': [[NeverSayThatAgain Never say [word used in previous extract] again]].
238	** And [[OverlyLongGag more]] ''[[OverlyLongGag also]]''...
239	---> '''Story''': [Grignr displaying some character trait, e.g. logic, wisdom, deep psychological insight]
240	---> '''Mike''': [[FamousFamousFictional When I think of [character trait], I think of three names: [two noted names in the field of said trait], Grignr.]]
241	** "You tell me, you're the writer!" after any gratuitous questions in the text of the story.
242	** Whenever some loud unpleasant sound is mentioned, it is [[TakeThat compared or attributed to]] Music/AlanisMorissette.
243	** After the titular "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_emerald#Red_beryl scarlet emerald]]" is introduced, mention of something's red color often leads to a remark that it "looks just like an emerald".
244	** "This message brought to you by the Booze Council."
245	** Whenever there's a mention of somebody suffering a horrific punishment, there will inevitably be a joke about how said punishment is [[SuckinessIsPainful them being forced to read]] ''The Eye of Argon''.
246	* ShoutOut: To TabletopGame/MagicTheGathering: "Tor Giant?"
247	* TarotTroubles: Tom Servo is reading Crow's future with a pack of Tarot cards he found somewhere. Poor Crow gets [[RasputinianDeath nine Deaths]] and a [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=2656 Tor Giant]].
248
249	----
250	!!Geoff Bottone's ''Grïgnyr of Ecordia: A Retelling of The Eye of Argon'' adaptation has examples of:
251
252	* AccentAdaptation: In the original, Grïgnyr's supposed to have a strong "barbarous accent" (though it didn't exactly come up much). Now, he doesn't.
253	* ActionGirl: Carthena turns out to be a proficient fighter here, earning Grïgnyr's admiration.
254	* AdaptationalBadass:
255	** In this version, Grïgnyr is knocked out rather than accepting the uncharacteristic surrender of the original.
256	** Agaphim fights back effectively when attacked, rather than rolling over and accepting it.
257	* AdaptationalDiversity: Races are established and a non-white character gets a prominent role.
258	* AdaptationalDyeJob: In the case of Carthena, somehow zigzagged, providing a literal example but not changing her hair colour. While Theis probably made a mistake in making Carthena's hair orchid-coloured -- i.e., bright pink -- in this version she is still orchid-haired, but it's explicitly stated that her hair has been dyed.
259	* AdaptationalEarlyAppearance: Carthena, who spots Grïgnyr on his arrival from Crin. She also introduces herself to him in the inn and they share a long conversation, rather than her just being the "tavern wench" at that point.
260	* AdaptationExpansion: The story is approximately two to three times longer than the original, making it a short novel rather than a novella.
261	* AdaptationalNiceGuy:
262	** The EvilPrince Agaphim becomes a weak-willed but generally benevolent character in the thrall of Agfand.
263	** Grïgnyr becomes much more likable, relatable and honourable.
264	* AdaptationalHeroism: Agaphim.
265	* AdaptationalIntelligence: Everyone in the story appears to be of average or better intelligence, whereas in the original they all behaved like blithering idiots.
266	* AdaptationalModesty: Rather than a loincloth [[ThongOfShielding (or a g-string...)]], Grïgnyr starts off in [[RummageSaleReject random, mismatched clothes]] suitable for crossing a desert, then buys clothes more appropriate for city life. Carthena wears ''clothes'', rather than nothing, beads or a harness.
267	* AdaptationalNameChange: Mainly for pronouncability: Grignr becomes Grïgnyr, Agafnd becomes Agfand, and Grïgnyr's favoured god Mrifk becomes Myrk. Meanwhile, the demon god Argon becomes Argol, and the "bastard diety" Sargon becomes the beneficent Sargoth.
268	* AdaptationRelationshipOverhaul:
269	** Grïgnyr likes and respects Carthena, rather than just finding her sexually attractive.
270	** Agfand is manipulating Agaphim so as to rule the city by proxy, rather than just being his evil counsellor.
271	* ArtisticLicenseBiology: The above situation with the desert trek is averted in this version -- Grïgnyr becomes dehydrated and exhausted not long after he enters the desert and only escapes severe sunburn because his skin is covered in dye as a disguise.
272	* AscendedExtra:
273	** The "faithless concubine" of the original is now the Sultana of Crin, who gets an entire prologue chapter to herself.
274	** Broig, a random soldier in the original, is now captain of the guard.
275	** Carthena and Agaphim actually help to drive the story forward rather than being nondescript side characters.
276	* BigBad: Agfand.
277	* TheBigGuy: Double subverted. In this version, Grïgnyr is of average size for an Ecordian, but still very strong and a highly skilled warrior.
278	* TheBladeAlwaysLandsPointyEndIn:
279	** Carthena throws a knife into Grïgnyr's calf, an "almost impossible" throw, to break him out of a trance.
280	** [[spoiler:Grïgnyr finally kills Agfand with a thrown axe which buries its blade into his chest.]]
281	* TheChessmaster: Agfand is ruling the city by proxy, by manipulating Agaphim, something the original only loosely implied.
282	--> ''Here, thought Grïgnyr, is the true master of Gorzom.''
283	* DarkerAndEdgier: Possibly just because it's better written, the {{cult}} of Argol is much more frightening in this version.
284	* TheDragon: Broig to Agfand.
285	* EvilChancellor: Agfand is much more like this. He is [[TheChessmaster manipulating]] the weak-willed but basically good Prince Agaphim.
286	* HeCleansUpNicely: After Agaphim [[spoiler:takes to exercising with Grïgnyr]], the whole court remarks on the improvement in his appearance.
287	* {{Hypocrite}}: Nowhere near as much as in the original, but in this version Grïgnyr claims to despise trickery and states he'd sooner die than live as a liar -- but obtained the Eye of Argo''l'' by trickery himself.
288	* ImprovisedWeapon:
289	** Grïgnyr and Carthena arm themselves with rat bones, as in the original, but this time they use the broken jawbone of a dog-sized rat.
290	** Agaphim's DecadentCourt defend themselves with pieces of furniture and broken bottles. [[AdaptationalBadass Agaphim]] knocks out two cultists with [[ChairmanOfTheBrawl his own throne]].
291	* InformedAttribute: Carthena's intelligence; the author keeps on pointing out how smart she is, but the only evidence of this is her having unexplained knowledge of Grignr's possession of the Eye of Argol.
292	* KickThemWhileTheyAreDown: Grïgnyr kicks Broig, who's on his hands and knees, full in the ''face''.
293	* KinderAndCleaner: Grïgnyr is markedly less vulgar.
294	* {{Necromancer}}: So that he can still be killed twice in this adaptation, Agfand is brought back to life by the evil cultists.
295	* NotAsYouKnowThem: Grïgnyr, Carthena, Agfand, Agaphim and Broig.
296	* OhMyGods: Grïgnyr's new oath is "By Myrk's hoary beard!"
297	* PuppetKing: Agaphim is this to Agfand.
298	* RedRightHand: Counsellor Agfand has a misshapen skull in this version, which is presumably based on the atrocious illustration of him in the original.
299	* RodentsOfUnusualSize: The rats in this version are the size of large dogs.
300	* SaidBookism: Not as much as the original, but some fairly strange ways of talking come up, such as "intoned".
301	* SchrodingersCast: Agfand dies twice -- by design this time.
302	* SlidingScaleOfAdaptationModification: Probably a 2, maybe a 3.
303	* TapOnTheHead:
304	** Grïgnyr takes three in this adaptation: the two in the original, plus one in the tavern scene when he falls over a table and hits his head, knocking himself out.
305	** Prince Agaphim gets one in the second throne room scene.
306	* TitleTheAdaptation: ''Grïgnyr of Ecordia: A Retelling of The Eye of Argon''.
307	* WarriorPrincess: Carthena, a skilled warrior woman, turns out to also be a princess.
308	* {{Xenafication}}: Carthena goes from a largely passive character (though she does kick an evil priest in the crotch) to a capable warrior in her own right.

Context Literature / TheEyeOfArgon