History Literature / TheEyeOfArgon

7th Jun '16 7:35:23 PM rjd1922
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Described as "the worst fantasy novella ever", ''[[http://ansible.co.uk/misc/eyeargon.html The Eye Of Argon]]'' is a story by Jim Theis, who was 16 when he wrote it. It's the tale of Grignr, a foul-mouthed barbarian warrior who is trying to escape the dungeons of EvilOverlord Agaphim and rescue a young woman named Carthena from a pagan cult who want to sacrifice her to their idol -- a statue with one eye called "The Eye of Argon". (A "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_emerald#Red_beryl scarlet emerald]]", complete with some interesting plumbing.)

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Described as "the worst fantasy novella ever", ''[[http://ansible.co.uk/misc/eyeargon.html The Eye Of of Argon]]'' is a story by Jim Theis, who was 16 when he wrote it. It's the tale of Grignr, a foul-mouthed barbarian warrior who is trying to escape the dungeons of EvilOverlord Agaphim and rescue a young woman named Carthena from a pagan cult who want to sacrifice her to their idol -- a statue with one eye called "The Eye of Argon". (A "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_emerald#Red_beryl scarlet emerald]]", complete with some interesting plumbing.)
29th Feb '16 6:09:23 PM chelonianmobile
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** He also spends about six long sentences describing a guy falling over after being [[GroinAttack kicked in the crotch]].

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** He also spends about six long sentences describing a guy falling over after being [[GroinAttack kicked in the crotch]].crotch]].
* {{Neologism}}: Among others, "protruberating", "nerelady", and "scozstic".
24th Jan '16 6:53:20 PM PaulA
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* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a muscular and ruggedly handsome, and it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely.]]

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* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a muscular and ruggedly handsome, and it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely.]]nicely]].
24th Jan '16 6:18:32 PM ImperialMajestyXO
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* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a male it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely.]]

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* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a male muscular and ruggedly handsome, and it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely.]]
30th Nov '15 9:38:21 AM themaniacinthemailbox
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* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a male SheCleansUpNicely.

to:

* BeautyEqualsGoodness: The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a male SheCleansUpNicely.it's implied that [[SheCleansUpNicely he cleans up nicely.]]
17th Nov '15 2:43:43 PM elaine22459
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* DeusExMachina: Grignir, the barbarian protagonist, is locked in combat with a bunch of cultist. During the fight, one of his opponents just drops dead in the middle of the fight from an epileptic seizure.

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* DeusExMachina: Grignir, the barbarian protagonist, is locked in combat with a bunch of cultist. During the fight, one of his opponents just drops dead collapses in the middle of the fight from an epileptic seizure.
11th Nov '15 8:18:21 PM TrickDirt
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As reading it raw may cause brain damage, you can settle for [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html the MST'd version]], or this [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikM_Lh8Q0xo Dramatic Reading of Chapter One on You Tube]]. For those who are unable to read it sober, we have the DrinkingGame over [[DrinkingGame/TheEyeOfArgon here]].

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As reading it raw may cause brain damage, you can settle for [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html the MST'd version]], or this [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikM_Lh8Q0xo Dramatic Reading of Chapter One on You Tube]]. For those who are unable to read it sober, we have the DrinkingGame over [[DrinkingGame/TheEyeOfArgon here]]. An example of the game can be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBc1aQeqZTQ here]].
11th Nov '15 1:37:49 PM chelonianmobile
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Added DiffLines:

* ALadyOnEachArm: Agaphim.
13th Oct '15 10:48:06 AM dangerdan97
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* HeroesWantRedheads: May have been the author's intention; Grignr (himself a redhead) falls for Carthena, whose hair is apparently the color of orchids (more of a bright pink than a red).

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* HeroesWantRedheads: May have been the author's intention; Grignr (himself a redhead) falls for Carthena, whose hair is apparently the color of orchids (more of a [[YouGottaHaveBlueHair bright pink pink]] than a red).
31st Jul '15 8:30:35 PM snowflake247
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* BarbarianLonghair: The protagonist, northern barbarian Grignr, has long red hair. It's also described as "robust", but given the author's attitude towards adjectives, that could mean almost anything.

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* BarbarianLonghair: The protagonist, northern barbarian Grignr, has long red [[{{RedheadedHero}} red]] hair. It's also described as "robust", but given the author's attitude towards adjectives, that could mean almost anything.


Added DiffLines:

* RedheadedHero: Grignr.
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