Line #10 Literature/JesusOnThyFace


1	->''"I once met the Archangel Gabriel, you know! He said I was going to have a son by the Holy Ghost and that I should call him Emmanuel. But Joseph said that was a girl's name, and a bit slutty so we settled on Jesus."''
2	-->-- '''Virgin Mary'''
3
4	''Jesus on Thyface: Social Networking for the Modern Messiah'' is a humorous look at the life and times of UsefulNotes/{{Jesus}}, but with a twist; the information is presented in the form of Facebook feeds. Despite being a satirical look at Literature/TheBible in general, it is actually a surprisingly accurate retelling of Literature/TheFourGospels.
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7	* AerithAndBob: Alongside the Biblical characters are such individuals as Kevin of Nazareth and Josh the Baker.
8	* AllCrimesAreEqual: Played with. The Law of Moses states that almost any crime is punishable by death to a different degree. Unless you're above the law that is.
9	* AllJewsAreCheapskates: Particularly the disciples. John and Judas set up a price list relating to the extent of the healing Jesus will perform.
10	* AlmightyMom: The Virgin Mary, natch.
11	* BestialityIsDepraved: After Jesus refuses Satan's temptations of sexual company with women or men, he assumes Jesus is a "stable boy."
12	* BigScrewedUpFamily: The Herods.
13	* BlatantLies: Simon the Pharisee suspects he has met Mary Magdalene before... until he learns she is a fallen woman, after which he denies any knowledge of her.
14	* ButtMonkey: Matthew.
15	* CampGay: John Mark. The epilogue states he became a ChattyHairdresser.
16	* CantGetAwayWithNuthin: Practically everything Jesus does gets him in trouble with someone - the water into wine miracle for example results in him being prosecuted for producing alcohol without a licence.
17	* ComicallyMissingThePoint: A lot of people have difficulty understanding the meaning behind Jesus' teachings.
18	* CompositeCharacter: Mary Magdalene and Mary of Bethany become one character.
19	* DeadpanSnarker: Jesus on occasion, usually when his disciples misinterpret him yet again.
20	* DecapitationPresentation: The John the Baptist action figure, a He-Man figure holding up his own head.
21	* DoubleEntendre: The title. Letting other people use your account is referring to as to "allow other people to sit on [=ThyFace=]".
22	** Mary Magdalene getting called "Jesus' right hand".
23	** Mary Magdalene has a habit of being on the receiving end of this, mentioning the time when she had "seven unclean spirits" in her.
24	* {{Expy}}: James and John Zebedee often seem to be this to rock star brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher.
25	* FourOneNineScam: Jesus receives a message from the son of a former deceased president who knows the location of King Solomon's Mines and needs someone to help him assist in transferring the funds.
26	* FunnyBackgroundEvent: The various ads around the main feeds, as well as who is friends with who (John the Baptist is friends with the profit Muhammad whose page lacks an image, while Satan's friends include Creator/LRonHubbard.
27	* TheGambler: Judas' gambling debts (at Satan's own casino) lead to him selling Jesus out for thirty pieces of silver.
28	* {{Gonk}}: Jesus describes Simon Peter as having the face of an Easter Island statue.
29	* HardDrinkingPartyGirl: The Virgin Mary is very pleased about her son's ability to turn water into wine to say the least, and contributes to an article about the ideal wine.
30	* HotBlooded: Simon the Zealot, who witnesses Judas' "[[SuicideNotMurder suicide]]" and frequently expresses the desire to mash heads.
31	* InsultBackfire: Satan's response to being called "a thoroughly bad person."
32	* JesusWasWayCool: Manages to border this with OnlySaneMan.
33	* LiteralMinded: Thaddeus and James the Less take a straightforward approach to finding lost sheep.
34	* NeatFreak: The Pharisee Guide to health and cleanliness is a repetitive cycle of prayer, washing hands, cross oneself, washing some more...
35	* NeverAcceptedInHisHometown: The Nazarenes complain that Jesus has been doing far too much preaching in Samaria and don't want him back home.
36	* OhCrap: When Herod Antipas discovers exactly [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy what he has done to John the Baptist.]]
37	* PlayingSick: Martha insists this what Lazarus is doing. Until his status changes to "Dead."
38	* RunningGag: John and James picking up on every possible innuendo, usually involving Mary Magdalene.
39	** The disciples' poor understanding of Jesus' teachings, leading to attempts to make money and extreme violence.
40	** Andrew's attempts to flog his fish. He is less than pleased when Jesus says only two fishes will be needed for his sermon.
41	* SarcasmMode: Jesus is less than impressed by the way the disciples interperet the sermon on the mount.
42	** When asked what profits a man who saves his soul to gain the whole world, James the Less responds "Oh I know - the world!". Though this may be a case of LiteralMinded.
43	* SexIsEvil: One of John the Baptist's strongest beliefs, which he frequently rambles about.
44	** To which John Zebedee responds that he [[YouNeedToGetLaid seriously needs to get a girlfriend.]]
45	* ShoutOut: "[[Literature/TheLordofTheRings Jesus the Grey? Now I am Jesus the White]]."
46	** Followed by Simon Peter's snarky response "In one way you have not changed my friend. You still talk [[PrecisionFStrike bollocks.]]"
47	** The draft notes for the Sermon of the Mount include the line "[[UsefulNotes/TonyBlair I feel the hand of history on my shoulder.]]
48	** John the Baptist's album "[[Music/JohnnyCash Machareus Prison Blues.]]"
49	** Barabbas becomes [[Series/TheATeam B.A. Barrabas]], whose team includes Hannibal, who suggests using [[HistoricalInJoke elephants]] to spring B.A. from jail.
50	** Good Friday is described like an episode of [[Series/TwentyFour]].
51	* WhenIWasYourAge: Former High Priest and OldWindbag Annas Ben Seth is prone to these speeches.

Context Literature / JesusOnThyFace