Line #8 Funny/WyrdSisters


1	* Granny Weatherwax's trip to the theater, after refusing to admit that she doesn't quite get the concept.
2	-->Someone tapped Granny on the shoulder and a voice said, 'Madam, will you kindly remove your hat?'\
3	\
4	Granny turned around very slowly on her stool, as though propelled by hidden motors, and subjected the interrupter to a hundred kilowatt diamond-blue stare. The man wilted under it and sagged back on to his stool, her face following him all the way down.\
5	\
6	'No,' she said.
7	** There's a nice CallBack to this many books later in ''Literature/{{Maskerade}}'', where another man asks Granny the same in the Opera House and she shrugs and does so -- he's fated to die the next day, so it's the least she can do.
8	*** Possibly made even funnier when she admits to Nanny that she didn't warn him because she could be wrong.
9	** It's tempting to write "all of the play" but special mention must go to:
10	---> '''Granny:''' What's he on about now?
11	---> '''Margat:''' He's saying how sorry he was that the other man's dead.
12	---> '''Granny:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint What'd he go and kill him for, then?]]
13	---> '''Margat:''' Well, it's a bit complicated--
14	---> '''Granny:''' It's shameful! And the poor dead thing still lying there!
15	** Also, when the play ends.
16	--->'''Granny:''' He done it! We all ''seed'' him! He done it with a dagger!
17	* The bit about apple-peeling.
18	-->First, [Magrat] had to find out his name. The old peel-the-apple trick should do that. You just peeled an apple, getting one length of peel, and threw the peel behind you; it'd land in the shape of his name. Millions of girls had tried it and been inevitably disappointed, unless the loved one was called Scscs.
19	* ''Slowly, the grin disappeared, until nothing was left but the cat. This is nearly as scary as the other way around''
20	* Death plays himself in a play... and gets stage fright, since he's not used to [[WeirdnessCensor people being able to see him]].
21	** Even after the play is interrupted, his hijinks continue. When the Duke stabs his Fool, he has to take out the Fool’s lifetimer to see if it’s for real (it’s got bells on it, as a bonus).
22	** And later on, he has to reassure the Duke, who’s acting as a ghost, that he’s not dead yet. The kicker has to be just how ''baffled'' Death is to be dealing with a living person who insists he's dead, even after so long of interacting with dead people. Dead people who keep insisting they are still alive on the other hand is perfectly normal.
23	** In the animated version, Death's palpable relief (and ironic amusement) after Duke Felmet slips off of the battlements to his death and doesn't even stop his mad ranting about what he'll do as a ghost now that he's actually become one.
24	* The monolith that hides from people. Although there is only one of it, its magical power is that it is uncountable.
25	* "Is that a dagger I see before me?" "Um, no, sire, it's a handkerchief. You can tell the difference if you look closely. Not as many sharp edges."
26	* For that matter, all the parodies of Shakespearean dialogue. "There is a knocking without!" "...Without what?" "A knocking without the door, idiot." "A knocking without a door? This isn't some kind of [[IceCreamKoan Zen]], is it?"
27	* The demon summoning scene is funny enough in the book, but gets ''really'' funny in the AnimatedAdaptation, with the demon (easily the best-animated character in the entire adaptation) speaking in a [[EvilSoundsDeep deep, dark and gravelly voice]] for at first, only to switch over to a high-pitched {{Luvvie\|s}} voice when Granny tells him to stop mucking about.
28	** When the demon reveals its name, which is pretty much a mass of consonants (that Granny still manages to pronounce perfectly, with only a little hesitation!) Nanny has this to say: "Where were you when the vowels were being handed out? Behind the door?"
29	* When the actors in the play the Duke commissioned start forgetting their lines, Tomjon briefly worries he's going to have to do the rest of the play by himself, including a climactic duel with him dramatically parrying his own blows and stabbing himself to death.
30	* The witches trying to guide Tomjon's caravan into Lancre by posing as "humble old wood gatherers" complete with BadBadActing. The best part is when the actors decide that they have to offer each "wood gatherer" food due to SacredHospitality, but only have salt pork which neither Granny nor Magrat want. By the time they reach Nanny Ogg, an annoyed Hwel greets her with "It's salt pork, take it or leave it!" before she says anything.
31	** They also watch over the caravan on its way up to the mountains, protecting it from bandit attacks and the like. Of course, they do things their way, resulting in things like a bandit leader being brained by a [[AnvilOnHead milk jug dropped from the stratosphere]].
32	** The only reason they are even pretending to be "humble old wood gatherers" is because Lancre is small kingdom in the middle of nowhere, the caravan keeps getting lost and Magrat insisted it was traditional. By the time it's Nanny Ogg's turn, all three witches are sick of the troupe's navigational ineptitude and Nanny simply sits on the front cart and just leads them to the kingdom!
33	* This little exchange:
34	-->'''Magrat''': We can't let this happen. If this gets about, witches'll always be old hags with green blusher.
35	-->'''Nanny Ogg''': And meddlin' in the affairs of kings. Which we never do, as is well known.
36	-->'''Granny Weatherwax''': It's not the meddlin' I object to. It's the ''evil'' meddling.
37	-->'''Magrat''': And the unkindness to animals. All that stuff about eye of dog and ear of toad. ''No-one'' uses that kind of stuff.
38	-->Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg carefully avoided one another's faces.
39	* Magrat's reaction to Felmet's accusations: "We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. [[IResembleThatRemark We ought to fill their bones]] [[BewareTheNiceOnes with hot lead!]]" Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg are shocked (but impressed at the same time), and she admits she [[NightmareFetishist found a spell her mentor Goodie Whemper made up]]. Granny is tempted, but says [[{{Understatement}} it might give people the wrong idea]].
40	-->"But not for long," said Nanny wistfully.
41	* The Duke and Lady Felmet threatening a completely nonplussed Nanny Ogg with torture.
42	* The Duke sends a group of soldiers to bring Granny to him, but they're too intimidated by her to do that, so they accept when she invites them in for a cup of tea. Afterwards, the Duke asks the sergeant if Granny offered him "hedonistic and licentious pleasures known only to those who dabble in the carnal arts".
43	-->The sergeant stood to attention and stared straight ahead.\
44	'No, sir,' he said, in the manner of one speaking the truth come what may. 'She offered me a bun.'\
45	'A bun?'\
46	'Yes, sir. It had currants in it.'\
47	Felmet sat absolutely still while he fought for internal peace. Finally, all he could manage was, 'And what did your men do about this?'\
48	'They had a bun too, sir. All except young Roger, who isn't allowed fruit, sir, on account of his trouble.'\
49	The duke sagged back on the window seat and put his hand over his eyes. I was born to rule down on the plains, he thought, where it's all flat and there isn't all this weather and everything and there are people who don't appear to be made of dough. He's going to tell me what this Roger had.\
50	'He had a biscuit, sir.'
51	* Granny reaching a moment of despair when she realises Magrat, despite having worked as a midwife, has no idea about the birds and the bees.
52	-->'''Granny Weatherwax:''' I think you should have a talk with Nanny Ogg.\
53	''(sound of a sloshed Nanny singing The Hedgehog Song)''\
54	'''Granny Weatherwax:''' But not right this moment.
55	* Duke Felmet getting a bit weird about witches, thanks to reading books on them, written by wizards, "who are celibate, and get funny ideas at 4am."
56	* The FunnyBackgroundEvent involving the cook, who spent his life serving banquets and feasts but now has to put up with Felmet's constitution requiring him to take soft foods like oatmeal and boiled eggs. It finally ends with Nanny Ogg saying he lost his mind and her girls have to take over for him.
57	* [[MemeticMutation The famed line:]]
58	--> "Come hither, Fool!"\
59	The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.

Context Funny / WyrdSisters