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| 5 | |
| 6 | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic Main]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2007Episodes 2007]] | '''2008''' | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2009Episodes 2009]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2010Episodes 2010]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2011Episodes 2011]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2012Episodes 2012]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2013Episodes 2013]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes 2014]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2015Episodes 2015]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2016Episodes 2016]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2017Episodes 2017]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2018Episodes 2018]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2019Episodes 2019]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2020Episodes 2020]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2021Episodes 2021]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2022Episodes 2022]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2023Episodes 2023]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2024Episodes 2024]] |
| 7 | |
| 8 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 9 | |
| 10 | ---- |
| 11 | |
| 12 | [[folder:Cloverfield]] |
| 13 | * The re-enactment of the film. |
| 14 | ** What makes it even better is that goofy voice and overly-dramatic mannerisms, while EarlyInstallmentWeirdness for Critic, went on to become the inspiration for [[WebVideo/BumReviews one of Doug Walker's later characters]]. |
| 15 | * The whole review is a hilarious, bargain-basement reenactment of the film, which consists of Critic filming his dark living room with a video camera, shaking it wildly, talking like Hud/proto-Chester Bum in goofy fashion and an endless loop of generic "Roaring monster and screaming people" noise playing in the background. The monster and everything is depicted as a bunch of drawings stuck on the window of his living room (as if all that stuff were outside). Finally, as ''Series/{{Lost}}'' is playing on TV, he decides to have the monster spit him out onto the island on the show. |
| 16 | [[/folder]] |
| 17 | |
| 18 | [[folder:Street Fighter]] |
| 19 | * [[MemeticMutation "OF COURSE!"]] |
| 20 | * Critic naming all of the characters in the movie, then going on to mention people not related to the ''Street Fighter'' franchise. Bonus points for gradually speeding up the rate at which he says the names, and then culminating with "It's a nightmare! Everyone in the world is here! It's like a ''Street Fighter'' Christmas!" |
| 21 | * Critic trying to decipher Jean Claude van Damme's accent. "A waykuhcaw?" |
| 22 | ** What's wrong with this movie? [[TwoWordsAddedEmphasis Four syllables:]] Creator/JeanClaudeVanDamme. |
| 23 | * This bit, when discussing M. Bison, played by Raul Julia: |
| 24 | --> '''Critic''': Raul Julia was one of the most charismatic actors who ever lived and was taken from us a million times too early. In fact, it was rumored he did this as his last film because it's something his children really wanted him to do. Well ''THANK YOU'', you little brats, he lived long enough just to see the destruction of his entire career! Top notch!\ |
| 25 | '''Announcer''': Warning: This is clearly for satirical purposes. Raul Julia kicks ass and I'm sure his family kicks ass.\ |
| 26 | '''Guile''': You've lost your balls. |
| 27 | * When Guile is giving his RousingSpeech: |
| 28 | -->'''Guile:''' Our superiors say the war is "cancelled". We can all go home.\ |
| 29 | '''Critic:''' Oh, good. I don't know how much more of this movie I could take-\ |
| 30 | '''Guile:''' Bison is getting paid off for his crimes, and all our friends will have died here. But... we can all go home.\ |
| 31 | '''Critic:''' Yes yes yes, very tragic, I got things to do so I'm just gonna-\ |
| 32 | '''Guile:''' Meanwhile, ideals like peace, freedom, and justice... they get packed up. But... we can all go home.\ |
| 33 | '''Critic:''' Well, we ''would'', if you would stop yapping your trap.\ |
| 34 | '''Guile:''' Well, I'm not going home.\ |
| 35 | '''Critic:''' No no, don't DO this to me, Van Damme! ''You'' said I could go home!\ |
| 36 | '''Guile:''' I'm gonna get in my boat... and I'm going to kick that son of a bitch Bison's ass--\ |
| 37 | '''Critic:''' Heart of a poet.\ |
| 38 | '''Guile:''' Now, who wants to go home?\ |
| 39 | ''(Critic raises his hand)''\ |
| 40 | '''Guile:''' And who wants to go with ME?! ''(soldiers cheer)''\ |
| 41 | '''Critic:''' ''(whiny)'' No, no, NO! |
| 42 | * After Guile defeats Bison: |
| 43 | -->'''Guile:''' Bison! You're off de air.\ |
| 44 | ''(sarcastic laughter from the Critic)'' |
| 45 | [[/folder]] |
| 46 | |
| 47 | [[folder:Mortal Kombat]] |
| 48 | * What's wrong with this movie? [[TwoWordsAddedEmphasis Four more syllables:]] [[{{Bowdlerization}} PG-13]]. |
| 49 | * From his ''Film/MortalKombatTheMovie'' review, this well-timed joke: |
| 50 | -->'''Raiden:''' The Emperor's castle...\ |
| 51 | '''Critic:''' [[MondegreenGag The emperor's asshole?!]]\ |
| 52 | '''Johnny Cage:''' [[BigNo NOOOOO!]] |
| 53 | * The running gag of the "''[[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand Wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAH!!!]]''" sound-effect that follows all of Johnny Cage's crappy one-liners. |
| 54 | ** And at the very end, Critic gets a chronic back pain for shrugging so many times for that sound-effect. |
| 55 | * Describing Reptile as a combination of ''WesternAnimation/FindingNemo'' and Satan's ass. |
| 56 | * "Bottom line? These movies suck. The games are great, but these movies suck. They're terrihorrible...they're horriterrible... If I had a choice of seeing these movies again, and crawling across a street of broken glass on my belly, with my fly open, only to be greeted by a pack of rabid wolverines, who not only want to eat me, but also ''rape'' me... [[BaitAndSwitch I'd probably see the movies again]]. But it's close! Very very close, like a gnat's wing." |
| 57 | [[/folder]] |
| 58 | |
| 59 | [[folder:Space Jam]] |
| 60 | * "However, you want to be sure to keep these two elements (Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes) as faaaar away from each other as humanly possible. Because if you don't, '''YOU GET FUCKING SPACE JAM!!!'''" |
| 61 | * The Film/SpaceJam review brought us this: |
| 62 | -->"Okay, alright. Let me make one thing perfectly clear to all you, Warner Brothers representatives out there: '''We don't want to fuck bunnies.''' I can't believe I have to say this: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I mean, we're people; therefore we like to fuck other people. I'm sure there's some small percentage of people out there that like to fuck bunnies, but that hardly seems like a very profitable demographic." |
| 63 | ** "I mean, has there ever been a time where you honestly had the hots for a bunny? (Image of two {{Playboy Bunn|y}}ies appear) THAT DOESN'T COUNT!" |
| 64 | ** Critic wondering what it means regarding cartoon anatomy considering Lola has "bunny boobies". |
| 65 | --->'''[[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Sylvester]]:''' [[DoubleEntendre We got balls]]!\ |
| 66 | '''Critic:''' ''([[{{Squick}} disgusted]])'' STOP! STOP!! |
| 67 | [[/folder]] |
| 68 | |
| 69 | [[folder:Pokémon: The First Movie]] |
| 70 | * "How cocky do you have to be to call it 'The First Movie'?" |
| 71 | * The highlight of his review of ''Anime/PokemonTheFirstMovie'': "Pikachu! Stop hitting yourself!" |
| 72 | ** Also when he starts the movie: |
| 73 | --->'''Critic:''' ''(sees the Kids WB! logo fly on screen)'' Oh, that's a good sign... ''(sees Nintendo logo fly on screen)'' Oh, that's even better! ''(sees 4Kids Entertainment logo on screen)'' What, are they going to show the people who CATERED the movie next? |
| 74 | * His rant about how he doesn't get the beginning due to being [[ContinuityLockout unfamiliar with the series]]. |
| 75 | * The whole sequence when he watches the Pokémon fight with each other with dramatic music (Barber's "Adagio for Strings") playing in the background. |
| 76 | ** Followed by his impatient reactions when the characters comment on how cruel the fighting is...and won't shut up about it. |
| 77 | * This quote: |
| 78 | -->'''Critic:''' Oh, you've got to be kidding. It actually translates out to "pocket monster"? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST CALL IT POCKET MONSTERS THEN?! I know what a pocket monster is! It's a monster that fits in your pocket! EASY! Why'd you go with "Pokémon"? That's ridiculous! Nobody knows what a Pokémon is! It sounds like something a Jamaican shouts when he wants to play cards. (Cuts to NC in fake dreadlocks and sunglasses) 'ey! Would you like to play some poke', mon?\ |
| 79 | '''Caption:''' Apologies to Jamacans [sic] EVERYWHERE! |
| 80 | ** And later: |
| 81 | --->"I wasn't aware vikings still existed."\ |
| 82 | "[[UsefulNotes/NationalFootballLeague They mostly live in Minnesota.]]"\ |
| 83 | '''Caption:''' [[HilariousInHindsight Apologies to Minnesotans EVERYWHERE]]! |
| 84 | * His reaction to [[OurHeroIsDead Ash getting]] [[TakenForGranite turned to stone]]: |
| 85 | -->'''Critic:''' I know I should feel bad, but all I can think about is how great it would be if ''I'' actually got stoned right now.\ |
| 86 | '''Mewtwo:''' [[LamePunReaction You are as pathetic as the rest.]] |
| 87 | ** Then when the Pokémon cry and magically bring Ash back to life: |
| 88 | --->'''Critic:''' I mean I knew this movie was bad but, nah, it's not possible, this movie can't possibly be that stupid. Oh my god, they are. They're using their tears of unfathomable sadness to bring their hero back to life. Suck my balls. I mean how much more cliched can you get? And on top of that, what kind of lesson is that to teach your kids? If you cry hard enough dead people will come back from the grave? |
| 89 | * Trying to come up with series he likes better than Pokémon, including ''Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles'' and ''Franchise/CareBears'', before finishing off lamely with [[NostalgiaFilter "Those were the days!"]] |
| 90 | [[/folder]] |
| 91 | |
| 92 | [[folder:The Wizard]] |
| 93 | * The scene where Corey helps Jimmy escape from GreenRiver Hospital shows that Corey, in the words of Critic, "walking in the front door and steals Jimmy away". The reaction from Critic himself is pretty funny after he describes the scene. |
| 94 | -->'''Critic:''' WHERE THE F***'S SECURITY?!! |
| 95 | * The entire introduction of [[MemeticBadass Lucas]]. It starts out with Critic practically worshiping him, then [[HoYay falling in love with him]], and culminates with him ''swooning'' onto the table right as he says "I love the Power Glove. It's so bad." |
| 96 | ** "[[{{Angrish}} LUCAS!]] ''Darling...''" |
| 97 | * [[AC:[[FanDisservice WHO GREENLIGHTED THE OLD MAN IN A SPEEDO]]]]? |
| 98 | * "Nintendo: It makes you gay." |
| 99 | -->'''Announcer:''' Now you're playing with incest! |
| 100 | * Critic's reaction to Haley's cry of "He touched my breast!" |
| 101 | * Guessing that WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd is Jimmy, the movie's main character, complete with the ScareChord from ''Film/TheShining'' and a SkywardScream. |
| 102 | -->'''Critic:''' '''[[SayMyName NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!]]''' |
| 103 | [[/folder]] |
| 104 | |
| 105 | [[folder:Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs]] |
| 106 | * Finger Music/{{Prince}}. |
| 107 | [[/folder]] |
| 108 | |
| 109 | [[folder:Batman & Robin]] |
| 110 | * His entire monologue about the special preparation needed to review this movie: |
| 111 | -->'''Critic:''' And seeing how this is one of the worst films of all time, special precautions have been taken today to prevent me from ''killing myself''. For example, all sharp objects have been removed from the building. They took away my tie so that I don't hang myself. They also padded the ends of my glasses so that I don't jab them into the sides of my throat! *reaches under his ball cap and removes something hidden there before continuing gleefully* Buuuuuuuuut, they didn't count on my ''cyanide pill!'' Now, let's take a look and see just how bad "Batman & Robin" really is. |
| 112 | ** The movie review proper then starts. Less than 20 seconds later, we cut back to Critic frantically gulping down the pill, before a white-coated attendant rushes in and forces him to spit it out. |
| 113 | * "This Batman movie has stopped moving forward with its dark storylines and complex character development, and has instead gone back to [[LighterAndSofter the campy bright and colorful style]] of [[Series/Batman1966 the original Adam West TV show]]... *leans to the camera* '''HEEEEEELLPPP!!!'''" |
| 114 | ** Especially playing the sixties Batman theme over the first fight scene. |
| 115 | *** The comic SFX of POW! WHAM! LAME! |
| 116 | * His complaints about all of Freeze's ice-related {{Pun}}s. |
| 117 | -->'''Critic:''' His only interest seems to be making a lot of jokes about a subject matter that unfortunately lends itself to a lot of insufferable puns. And I'll give your four guesses as to what that subject matter is. A) Celebrity Gossip. B) Political Satire. C) Family Dilemmas. Or D) Ice!\ |
| 118 | ''(cut away to a HurricaneOfPuns by Freeze)''\ |
| 119 | '''Critic:''' If your answer was 'D', '''[[CaptainObvious NO FUCKING SHIT!]]''' |
| 120 | * "Do I even HAVE to make fun of this?!?" |
| 121 | * This little gem: |
| 122 | -->'''Batman:''' Freeze, you're mad!\ |
| 123 | '''Critic:''' [[SarcasmMode Yes, listen to the sane man in the Bat-suit.]] |
| 124 | * His reaction to Freeze's secret lair: |
| 125 | -->"So he keeps her frozen in the comfort and hidden safety of ''a neon lit ice cream pub''! How can nobody figure out that he's in there?! It's the equivalent of Walt Disney trying to hide out at Disneyland. I mean, don't you think somebody would take a look?" |
| 126 | ** Immediately after, he reacts accordingly to Freeze's interesting hobby: |
| 127 | --->"Freeze spends most of his time conducting an orchestra of killer eskimos to sing ''[[WesternAnimation/TheYearWithoutASantaClaus "I'm Mr. White Christmas, I'm Mr. Snow"]]''... That's... just... stupid. |
| 128 | * "A Bat... Credit Card? They gave [[Franchise/{{Batman}} him]] a Bat…Credit Card? [[GoMadFromTheRevelation They had the BALLS to give one of the greatest superheroes of all time]]... '''[[BerserkButton A BAT…CREDIT CARD?!? (goes nuts) NOOO! NOOO!]] DoesNotCompute! DoesNotCompute! DoesNotCompute [[BerserkButton it's insane--]]" ''(gets restrained)'' |
| 129 | ** ''(20 minutes later...)'' "I apologize for that outrage. It was childish and immature. I just get a little peeved, when I see one of my childhood icons carrying... *inhales* '''[[BerserkButton A BAT CREDIT CARD!! YOU BASTARDS!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!!! ALL OF YOU WILL DIE, YOU'LL GET THE GAS--]]'''" ''(gets restrained... again.)'' |
| 130 | *** ''(One hour later...)'' *Clears throat* *{{beat}}* '''"[[UnstoppableRage RAPE MY CHILDHOOD, WILL YOU?!?!? YOU WILL ALL DIE!! YOU WILL ALL DIE--]]"''' ''(gets restrained [[RuleOfThree for a third time]])'' |
| 131 | *** ''([[OverlyLongGag Seven hours later]]...)'' OK... I'm fine, I'm cool, I'm fine, I'm fine. So, after Batman uses the ''(very strained)'' ''you-know-what''... |
| 132 | * After the part where Poison Ivy pulls the plug on Nora Fries, leaving her to die: |
| 133 | -->'''Critic''': ''*spoken in a wistful tone of voice*'' [[BlackComedy I wish I was in that jar...]] |
| 134 | * Critic's TemptingFate gags. |
| 135 | -->'''Critic:''' Robin comes to rescue him as ''surf their way down to the ground on the doors of the rocket''. The only thing that could make this scene lamer is if Robin actually shouted "Cowabunga".\ |
| 136 | '''Robin:''' COWABUNGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!\ |
| 137 | '''Critic:''' ''(grunts in pain)'' |
| 138 | ** When he was driven to try to escape the review after one too many corny lines: |
| 139 | --->'''Critic:''' [[TemptingFate All that's missing is for Freeze to shout out, "First Gotham, then the world!"]]\ |
| 140 | '''Mr. Freeze:''' [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor First, Gotham. And then...THE WORLD!]]\ |
| 141 | ''(Critic suppresses an aneurysm, then puts a tape recorder and a pillow dolled up with a mask, hat, jacket, and glasses to somewhat look like him. He makes a "shhhh..." at the camera, hits "play" on the tape deck and leaves the dummy.)''\ |
| 142 | '''Recording:''' [[AC:I hate this. Look at that. That's so lame. This is idiotic. I really hate this. This is so stupid. I wish I could kill myself. Wow, that's horrible. Oh my god, I can't believe how bad this is. I wish I could kill myself.]]\ |
| 143 | ''(Sounds of beatings, taken from Tom and Jerry, before Critic is forced back into frame.)'' |
| 144 | ** The punchline to the final TemptingFate gag: |
| 145 | --->'''Critic:''' '''GODDAMN THIS MOVIE!''' It did it! it finally did it! Batman has driven me BATSHIT CRAZY!!!\ |
| 146 | ''(goes absolutely [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin batshit crazy]] until he takes a pill)''\ |
| 147 | '''Critic:''' ...Tranquilizers. Always come prepared when Joel Schumacher is involved. |
| 148 | * Iiit's...[[Film/MaryPoppins Supercrapafuckarifficexpialibullshit!]][=/=]A film so bad that censors really oughta go and pull it.[=/=]Sadly, there's not many words that only rhyme with bullshit... |
| 149 | [[/folder]] |
| 150 | |
| 151 | [[folder:Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs]] |
| 152 | * Critic demonstrating the various ways the ''WesternAnimation/{{DuckTales|1987}}'' theme song will destroy your life. |
| 153 | ** And before that, him imitating the synth at the beginning of the ''Series/ReadingRainbow'' theme song. |
| 154 | * [[EarWorm IT WILL NEVER LEAVE]], [[WesternAnimation/{{DuckTales|1987}} IT WILL NEVER LEAVE]], [[RuleOfThree IT WILL NEVER LEAVE]]!!!! |
| 155 | [[/folder]] |
| 156 | |
| 157 | [[folder:90's Sports Montage]] |
| 158 | * Him trying to beat the bully that looks like his brother with the wax-on, wax-off method. |
| 159 | * His reaction to the AnimalAthleteLoophole is pointing out that the rule-book doesn't say he can't bring roller skating black bears, professionally trained, tap-dancing orangutans, or giant, urinating elephants with one testicle who can sing the classical works of Andrew Lloyd Webber. [[ObviousRulePatch Much to his surprise at finding out about bringing the elephants...]] |
| 160 | * "What team would be so desperate that [[Film/RookieOfTheYear they'd sign a 12 year old to pitch]]?" *cue Chicago Cubs logo* "Are you sure this isn't based on a true story?" |
| 161 | [[/folder]] |
| 162 | |
| 163 | [[folder:Top 11 Drug [=PSAs=]]] |
| 164 | * His [[BringMyBrownPants reaction]] to the drug dealer turning into a snake is priceless. |
| 165 | -->'''Snake:''' Take one hit and you'll do anything to cop more; ''(slips into the shadows)'' steal from your momma, lie, cheat on your homeboys, ''(comes out of the shadows as a [[ScaledUp snake monster]])'' but hey, do I look like the kinda guy that would do that to a kid like you? YESSSSSSSS!\ |
| 166 | '''Critic:''' ''(from under his desk)'' Go to the next one! |
| 167 | ** Comes back at the end of the video |
| 168 | --->'''Critic:''' I guess they had good enough intentions but is it really worth it to go so over-the-top about a subject matter that many of us probably wouldn't have even known about until we heard about it on TV?\ |
| 169 | '''Snake:''' YESSSSSSSS!\ |
| 170 | '''Critic:''' ''(yelps)'' Okay, just don't show me that guy again! I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.\ |
| 171 | '''Snake:''' [[JumpScare YESSSSSSSS!]] |
| 172 | * The "Drugs, Drugs, Drugs" ad: |
| 173 | -->'''Critic:''' Here's a weird little PSA that actually gives drugs its very own theme song. Is it me, or does it sound like this PSA is actually PROMOTING drugs?\ |
| 174 | '''Song:''' Drugs, drugs, drugs! / Ask your mom or ask your dad!\ |
| 175 | '''Critic:''' And if that's not bad enough, there's actually parts of the song where they talk about the good things that drugs do.\ |
| 176 | '''Song:''' Drugs can make you better / When you're feeling ill.\ |
| 177 | '''Critic:''' Uh, mixing the signal there, guys! Now to be fair, they do talk about bad drugs too, but it's hard to hear cause you can barely make it out.\ |
| 178 | '''Song:''' There's lots of other drugs / That sure do have a flaw.\ |
| 179 | '''Critic:''' ''[confused]'' [[MondegreenGag "...That are sure to have a paw"?!]]\ |
| 180 | '''Song:''' It's trouble with the law!\ |
| 181 | '''Critic:''' ''[confused again]'' [[MondegreenGag "Let's struggle with the law"?!]]\ |
| 182 | '''Song:''' Which are good? Which are bad?\ |
| 183 | '''Critic:''' I don't know which are good and which are bad. The way you're singing, I don't even know what the hell drugs are!\ |
| 184 | '''Song:''' Drugs, drugs, drugs! / Ask your mom or ask your dad! |
| 185 | * Critic imagines how the scene of the boy telling off his drug-using father continues: either the father flips out and beats him up, or it becomes a heartwarming bonding moment over bong filters. "I've taught you well, son!" |
| 186 | * Although Critic has nothing to do with it, "this is cwack" is comedy gold. |
| 187 | ** Critic's expression though to Pee-Wee's PSA though is quite comedy gold in itself. He somehow makes it ''more'' funny than when Pee-Wee says it. |
| 188 | ** His spot-on Pee-Wee impression is pretty awesome, too. |
| 189 | *** "Hey kids just remember, Cwack is Whack but Whack's the Smack so [[BrokenAesop Whack off whenever you can]]!" |
| 190 | * OH MY GOD! HE'S DEAD, HE'S DEAD, HE'S TALKING TO A DEAD BOY, HE'S DEAD, DRUGS TOOK HIS LIFE, OMIGOD! |
| 191 | ** OH MY GOD, THERE'S NO WATER, THERE'S NO WATER IN THE POOL! OHMIGOD! THERE'S NO WATER IN THE POOL! OHMIGOD! |
| 192 | *** What a twist! He just [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night Shyamalaned]] my ass! |
| 193 | * The "Brain on Drugs" ad. Critic said that though it had longevity, everyone he knew always had a witty follow-up question to counter it. Also, his asking witty follow-up questions through repeated sayings of "Any questions?" is hilarious. The 90's follow-up "Brain on Drugs" update with a [[FryingPanOfDoom frying pan-wielding]] Creator/RachaelLeighCook wrecking the kitchen [[NightmareFuel freaked him out so much]], that when she calmly asks, "Any questions?" at the end of the ad, he responds, "Yeah, what the hell kind of drugs are you on?!" |
| 194 | * The insult itself is so lame it doesn't get even {{Narm}} points, but Critic's reaction to [[BigStupidDoodooHead "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!"]] is hilarious. |
| 195 | ** In a nutshell; It has him reacting as if it was the most awesome comeback in the universe. |
| 196 | [[/folder]] |
| 197 | |
| 198 | [[folder:Captain Planet]] |
| 199 | * Critic tries the Heart ring but gets his rings mixed up. |
| 200 | -->'''[[Film/TheLordOfTheRings Sauron]]:''' [[AC: I see you]]! |
| 201 | * Wheeler comments on ''Series/BeakmansWorld''. |
| 202 | -->"He's an exterminator's nightmare!" |
| 203 | * This bit, when Captain Planet is introduced: |
| 204 | -->'''Wheeler:''' He's suckin'...\ |
| 205 | ''(Critic gets a surprised, concerned look on his face)''\ |
| 206 | '''Wheeler:''' ...The oil vat!\ |
| 207 | '''Critic:''' ''(relieved)'' Oh, whew... |
| 208 | * Getting beat by a ruler whenever he says "Ruler". |
| 209 | ** And then at the end of the episode, he gets out his gun and says "Ruler" and turns around ready to shoot the ruler. But the ruler comes out from the other side, and whacks Critic on the head. |
| 210 | * Ma-Ti complains about how Ted Turner is trying to keep Indians down. Critic points out that the Ma-Ti from the show was South American. "Ma-Ti" realizes he's been caught in his lies, punches him while shouting "Heart", and runs off. |
| 211 | * The alternate ending to the gang violence episode where the gangbangers [[ShutUpKirk shoot the Planeteers]]. |
| 212 | * His reaction to learning the topic of one of the {{Very Special Episode}}s. His face is all that needs to be said. |
| 213 | -->'''Critic:''' So, Captain Planet, what other issues are you going to talk to grade school kids about?\ |
| 214 | '''Todd:''' AIDS?\ |
| 215 | ''(cartoon sound effect, look of absolute dumbfoundedness on Critic's face)'' |
| 216 | ** Following that: |
| 217 | --->'''Doctor:''' You tested positive for the HIV virus.\ |
| 218 | '''Critic:''' STOP! CEASE! DESIST! GET OUTTA THERE! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! |
| 219 | ** In regard to how people get the HIV virus: |
| 220 | --->'''Doctor:''' There are only a few ways to contract the virus: using drugs with needles, unprotected sex, or, he could have gotten it from that blood transfusion he had a few years back.\ |
| 221 | '''Critic:''' These kids are just learning how to spell blue, don't tell them about drugs or unprotected sex, what the hell's wrong with you?! |
| 222 | ** "There ya have it folks. The understatement of the century: AIDS stinks. And here's another thing I just found out: Hitler was a dork." |
| 223 | ** The scene between Todd Andrews and his coach: |
| 224 | --->'''Coach:''' You wanna talk?\ |
| 225 | '''Todd''': Nothing to say. It's all over.\ |
| 226 | '''Coach''': Not the way ''I'' hear it.\ |
| 227 | '''Todd''': Coach, I've got AIDS!\ |
| 228 | '''Coach''': Wrong! You're HIV Positive; ''big'' difference!\ |
| 229 | ''(the Critic gets a surprised look)''\ |
| 230 | '''Todd''': They probably won't even let me play in the big game.\ |
| 231 | '''Coach''': Wrong ''again'', Andrews. You're gonna be playin' in that game, and anybody who says otherwise'll have to deal with ''me''.\ |
| 232 | '''Critic''': Whoa, coach is a bit of a psycho. |
| 233 | ** His reaction to the Coach getting right up in the screen during the AIDS speech. |
| 234 | ** In regards to the easily-swayed crowd: |
| 235 | --->'''Critic:''' Hey, everybody! Childbirth is bad!\ |
| 236 | ''(audience boos)''\ |
| 237 | '''Critic:''' But genocide is good!\ |
| 238 | ''(audience cheers)'' |
| 239 | *** Even funnier when you realize that two episodes of the show were ''actually'' about those two subjects (albeit, [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids in a "family-friendly" way]]): One episode is about overpopulation while another is the Planeteers ''meeting Hitler'' [[TimeTravel while traveling back in time]]. |
| 240 | [[/folder]] |
| 241 | |
| 242 | [[folder:Double Dare]] |
| 243 | * Critic showing what Marc Summers' life as the host having OCD would have been. |
| 244 | * Him showing some obstacles that "didn't make the cut", ending with ''crucifixion''. |
| 245 | * Him showing what some of the different-colored substances used in the physical challenges could be: Radioactive waste, blood, and elephant spooge. |
| 246 | * Him showing what the show would be like if the show gave away big money... it involves a ''lot'' more swearing. |
| 247 | * "It's like the world's greatest Japanese game show, except nobody dies." |
| 248 | * Describing some of the physical challenges as "medieval torture devices designed by Bozo the Clown." ''(cue footage of Bozo with a [[EvilSoundsDeep evil laugh]] dubbed over it)'' |
| 249 | * The Critic describing the "near misses", and shows a clip where a player barely misses a flag on the last second: |
| 250 | --> '''Marc''': OH HE MISSED THE FLAG! HE MISSED THE FLAG! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!\ |
| 251 | '''Critic''': Oh come on, you dicks. Just give him the Porsche. |
| 252 | |
| 253 | [[/folder]] |
| 254 | |
| 255 | [[folder:3 Ninjas]] |
| 256 | * Him noting the weight difference between the grandfather's actor and his double. |
| 257 | * The villain wasting millions of dollars training his henchmen to appear when he says a certain phrase. |
| 258 | * "Cake." |
| 259 | * When a ninja telephone operator is shown, Critic loses it: |
| 260 | -->'''Critic:''' WHY is the telephone operator wearing a ninja suit?! I mean, what is the point?! Is the telephone operator a martial artist? If so, why isn't he out there fighting with the rest of the ninjas? What is the purpose of hiring a martial artist to answer the telephones? IT MAKES NO SENSE!\ |
| 261 | '''Mom:''' [[ReviewIronicEcho Stop it!]] |
| 262 | * "Ah!!! Jellybeans!!! My one weakness!!!" |
| 263 | * "Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles beat up [[Film/HomeAlone Macaulay Culkin]]: TheMovie." |
| 264 | [[/folder]] |
| 265 | |
| 266 | [[folder:Top 11 Hottest Animated Women]] |
| 267 | * How TransformationIsAFreeAction in Anime/SailorMoon. |
| 268 | [[/folder]] |
| 269 | |
| 270 | [[folder:Bébé's Kids SNES]] |
| 271 | * Getting Kyle Justin to spoof the AVGN theme counts by itself, but then there's Critic's [[SpitTake take]] on the Nerd's use of Rolling Rock. |
| 272 | * Critic mocking the Nerd at the beginning, mostly due to how he acknowledges that the voice would get annoying if he did it for the whole video. |
| 273 | -->''(in a stupid voice)'' "Hello, I'm the Angry Video Game Critic! I have a small penis and like to eat elephant shit for breakfast. Hah. Hah. Hah. ''(back to his normal voice)'' Alright, I'm not gonna do that voice throughout the entire video." |
| 274 | * The extended sequence where Critic goes on about the "No Vibes No [=beVis=] No [=beVis=] No Vibes" sign. Particularly at the end, where he proclaims how he's going nuts over absolutely nothing and he's just started the game. |
| 275 | * "[[TemptingFate HA-HA! I BEAT HIM! I ACTUALLY BEAT HIM! THERE IS A GOD--!]]" *Time runs out* |
| 276 | ** "[[TranquilFury A time limit? There's a time limit? I could eat my way through a]] [[SuddenlyShouting WALL FASTER THAN I CAN DEFEAT THESE ASSHOLES, AND THERE'S A TIME LIMIT?!]]" |
| 277 | * Every time he almost takes the cartridge out of the SNES to destroy it, especially the last one: an homage to ''Film/PointBreak1991''. |
| 278 | * Upon choosing the girl: |
| 279 | -->'''Critic:''' Oh, what? She's the exact same speed. In fact, I think she might even be a little slower. You bag of ass! |
| 280 | * "And, throw it! And, throw it! THROW IT, YOU BITCH!!" |
| 281 | ** "What am I supposed to just look at it?!" |
| 282 | * His confusion upon accidentally discovering the uppercut attack. |
| 283 | -->'''Critic:''' What? What was that? What was that?! How the fuck did I do that?! |
| 284 | * His first thoughts on the House of Glass level. |
| 285 | -->'''Critic:''' Alright, so there's a baby dropping some glasses and a guy catching them at the bottom... Okay, well good luck with that. I'm gonna see where the real adventure is. |
| 286 | * "Back off, ya little dick cheese!" |
| 287 | * In the haunted house level: "There's this weird animated picture of what looks like Spider-Man swinging by. Am I supposed to catch a ride with him? Please Spider-Man, get me out of this hellhole!" |
| 288 | * "I KNEW IT! I KNEW I COULD DO IT! I KNEW I COULD PULL IT O--!" *Time runs out* |
| 289 | * "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis THAT'S! JUST! IM! POSSIBLE!]]" |
| 290 | * At the end, just when Critic was about to finish the haunted house level, the time limit ran out. He is so angry about it, he proceeds to destroy the Bebe's Kids cartridge by smashing it with a hammer, jumping on it, shooting it, and [[SpitefulSpit spitting]] [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking on it.]] |
| 291 | -->'''Critic:''' [[UnstoppableRage DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!]] |
| 292 | ** The face he makes when the time runs out. |
| 293 | ** He sits there in stunned silence, [[JumpScare before letting out a mighty dinosaur-like ROAR!]] |
| 294 | ** ...and at the end of the video: |
| 295 | --->'''Critic:''' THIS IS THE WORST GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! IT SUCKS ASS, IT SUCKS BALLS, IT JUST... ''SUCKS!!!'' ''(points at screen)'' Well, if you think this is gonna get rid of me, [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd Angry Video Game Nerd]], you are much mistaken. Sure, I will need years of psychological therapy to recover from this, but that doesn't mean you've heard the last of me! All I can say, Angry Video Game Nerd, is fuck this game and FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME PLAY IT!\ |
| 296 | '''Kyle Justin:''' He's the Angry Video Game...\ |
| 297 | '''Critic:''' [[BigShutUp OH, SHUT UP!]]\ |
| 298 | '''Kyle Justin:''' ...Critic. |
| 299 | [[/folder]] |
| 300 | |
| 301 | [[folder:Masters of the Universe]] |
| 302 | * "It's Okay to be Gay" dubbed over footage of the film. |
| 303 | * The John [=McCain=] jokes. |
| 304 | * Anytime Critic made up a new subtitle for the movie title (adding in the oddly missing 'He-Man'): |
| 305 | -->''He-Man! And the Raiders of Kentucky Fried Chicken!!''\ |
| 306 | ''He-Man! And the Masters of the Depressing Plot Expositions!!''\ |
| 307 | ''He-Man! And the Shoppers of the Feminine Automobiles!!''\ |
| 308 | ''He-Man! And the Mystic Time Travelers of the Music/OingoBoingo!!'' |
| 309 | * The dramatic head turning. |
| 310 | * This bit, when He-Man tries to negotiate for the Sorceress's freedom: |
| 311 | -->'''He-Man:''' Let her go.\ |
| 312 | '''Skeletor:''' I don't think so.\ |
| 313 | '''Critic:''' Negotiations over! |
| 314 | * The Critic is bored throughout Skeletor's long-winded speech. |
| 315 | * The Critic exaggerating how long Skeletor's DisneyVillainDeath is. |
| 316 | * When he criticizes the moral of the film, he can't help but make one more gay joke: |
| 317 | -->'''Critic:''' That's like saying He-Man is straight! In that...it's not true. It's a lie. ...Because he is ''SO'', ''gay''! I mean, people trying to defend that he's not gay, you're just...''WRONG''! |
| 318 | [[/folder]] |
| 319 | |
| 320 | [[folder:Follow That Bird]] |
| 321 | * Right after Critic has two {{Squee}} attacks at the sight of Mr. Snuffalupagus, he slaps himself and says the following: |
| 322 | -->"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'M THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC! Not the Pussified-Emotional-Cries-overÂ-every-Sesame-Street-related-mÂotion-picture-epic-where-everyÂ-person-puppet-and-occasional-animated-animal-tugs-at-your-hÂeartstrings CRITIC!" |
| 323 | * When Big Bird begins to have a nervous breakdown from the Dodo family's endless jabber, Critic does Big Bird a favor and screams/roars "'''[[BigShutUp SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]'''" in proxy. |
| 324 | * Critic, unable to insult something that he grew up with, makes Chester A. Bum finish the review. The fact [[CrazyHomelessPeople Chester's]] [[ShamelessSelfPromoter review]] plays over fastforwarded clips no doubt left a good first impression on many. To wit: |
| 325 | -->"There's this lady, who looks like one of my acid fantasies..."\ |
| 326 | "Dude, what is your deal? '''This is his home!''' GO BACK TO RUSSIA!!"\ |
| 327 | "[[RunningGag I]] [[MadLibsCatchphrase ATE MY CAR THINKING IT WAS A COOKIE]] [[RunningGag ONCE!]] Only it wasn't a cookie...or a car...[[NightmareFuelStationAttendant IT WAS]] [[ImAHumanitarian MAN!]] |
| 328 | * This bit: |
| 329 | -->'''Chester:''' So they have a big car chase scene and they're like "Jump!" And he's like "No!" And they're like "Jump!" And he's like "No!" And they're like "Jump!" And he's like "Okay." |
| 330 | [[/folder]] |
| 331 | |
| 332 | [[folder:Saved by the Bell]] |
| 333 | * "Oh! Good news, Mr. Belding, good news! (grabs a box and taps on it) Your balls arrived!" |
| 334 | * This: |
| 335 | -->'''Critic:''' How many times can you break up with a person before they turn into a psycho and start stalking you? ''(looks around warily, leans closer to the camera and whispers)'': Three! |
| 336 | * Critic's mocking of Zack's "brand new look": |
| 337 | -->'''Critic:''' All right, now, I have to warn you: This next scene, where Zack shows himself in his brand new look is... ''(sighs)'' ... is one of the ''funniest things ever put on television''. It will cause laughter beyond your control. Just remember to breathe: Inhale, and exhale. This HAS been known to kill people. People have actually ''died'' from laughter. Just want you to keep that in mind before you watch this. Take a deep breath... ''(inhales and exhales)'' All right, let's watch the scene. ''(Zack comes in with a blond mohawk and 80's clothing and Critic bursts out laughing for a really, really, REALLY long time)'' '''''HE LOOKS LIKE [[Music/VanillaIce VANILLA ICE'S]] BITCH!!!''''' ''(continues laughing and eventually stops)'' I think I just orgasmed.[[note]](Critic's laughter hides the manager's line, "You're like a macho Music/{{Madonna}}!", which has its own NarmCharm.)[[/note]] |
| 338 | * '''"[[SkywardScream OOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!]]"''' |
| 339 | * 'You duck-killing mother-'''FUCKER'''!' |
| 340 | * Critic comparing Creator/ElizabethBerkley's [[StrawFeminist character]] in ''Series/SavedByTheBell'' to her [[{{Fanservice}} character]] in ''Film/{{Showgirls}}'': |
| 341 | -->'''Jessie (as Elizabeth):''' Auctioning off dates is sexist flesh peddling and should be strictly forbidden. |
| 342 | ** Cue smutty footage of Stripper!Elizabeth flipping audience a bird and pole-dancing. |
| 343 | * Critic tugging nervously at his tie while Zack gives his politically incorrect family tree presentation. |
| 344 | [[/folder]] |
| 345 | |
| 346 | [[folder:Tom and Jerry: the Movie]] |
| 347 | * The most awesome SpitTake ever involving sangria and watermelon. Made even funnier because some actually splatters on the camera lens. |
| 348 | ** And his words immediately afterward? "[[TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt The Apocalypse has finally begun]], [[CueTheFlyingPigs Pigs are learning how to fly]], {{Satan}} is skating his way to work, and I'm pretty sure that I just became a monkey's uncle." |
| 349 | * He refers to the little girl's father as "Indiana Jones". |
| 350 | * As Dr. Applecheeks very creepily sneaks up on an ice cream cart: |
| 351 | -->'''Critic:''' ...What the hell was that about? Was he gonna... ''(shrugs)'' sexually assault it? I mean, what the ''hell''? |
| 352 | ** Doug and Rob say that their inspiration for this comment was their friend, Bargo, who said "What the hell?! Was he gonna rape it?!" |
| 353 | * "How do I know all this? BECAUSE HE [[VillainSong SINGS ABOUT IT!]]" |
| 354 | ** During Applecheeks' song: |
| 355 | --->'''Critic:''' I don't think so. ''(slams the door)'' |
| 356 | * "So after they escape the singing cat gang, good God, did I really just say that?" |
| 357 | * Well, there's this dog on a skateboard. And yeah, he sounds like Gollum. ''(shrugs wearily)'' |
| 358 | * This line, when he wasn't expecting another song: |
| 359 | -->'''Critic:''' So they talk about what they're gonna do with Robyn-- ''(cue music)'' Oh no, please, not another one. I'll do anything, I'll do your taxes, I'll shave your back, I'll prostitute myself for money, just ''PLEASE'' not another one!\ |
| 360 | '''Aunt Fig:''' ♪''Money is such a beautiful word...''♪\ |
| 361 | '''Critic:''' [[SkywardScream AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!]] THESE FUCKING SONGS ARE HORRIBLE! It's like Music/AlanMenken[='s=] puke somehow mutated and started writing music!\ |
| 362 | '''Tom:''' [[{{Squick}} That's disgusting!]] |
| 363 | * "[[WesternAnimation/TomAndJerry A cat and a mouse]] are driving a ship trying to save the daughter of Indiana Jones while being chased by a Purple People Eater, a dog on a skateboard, a performing ship captain, his hand puppet Squawk, two Mexican wrestlers, and a doctor riding an ice cream cart! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the [[MindScrew Mind Fuck]]." |
| 364 | ** ♪ ''[[Music/HarveyDanger Paranoia, paranoia\ |
| 365 | Everybody's coming to get me...]]'' ♫ |
| 366 | * "By the way, have you noticed the strange names in this movie? Dr. Applecheeks? Aunt Fig? Mr. Lickboot? These are sounding more like abstract fetishes." |
| 367 | * This line, when Captain Kiddie's about to sing: |
| 368 | -->'''Critic:''' Oh, I don't know, [[TemptingFate why don't you sing about it?]]\ |
| 369 | ''(Captain Kiddie starts singing)''\ |
| 370 | '''Critic:''' ({{Facepalm}}) Why does everybody have a song in this?! Doesn't anybody say "Yes" or "No" anymore? |
| 371 | * His deadpan, "Well... that was ''dark''." after it seems Tom and Jerry were burnt to death in the fire. |
| 372 | ** When the cabin collapses and Tom and Jerry are seemingly lost: |
| 373 | --->'''Robyn:''' They're gone! My best friends are gone!\ |
| 374 | '''Robyn's father:''' Don't cry, Robyn. We'll find them.\ |
| 375 | '''Critic:''' Or at least what's left of their charred remains. Either way, we're eatin' tonight! |
| 376 | * He notes that the movie does an IrisOut on Tom chasing Jerry, as if to say "Yep, that's what it's aaaaaaall about." |
| 377 | -->'''Critic:''' I'll tell ''you'' what this movie is all about: AN HOUR AND A HALF TOO LONG! |
| 378 | * "This film is awful, the lowest form of shit. '''It sucks ass! It sucks balls! [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs It sucks ass balls!]]'''" |
| 379 | * By the end, the sheer awfulness of the film has made him ''very'' angry indeed. |
| 380 | -->'''Critic:''' I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. ''Gah, what a fuckload of ass!''. |
| 381 | [[/folder]] |
| 382 | |
| 383 | [[folder:Top 11 Saddest Moments]] |
| 384 | * The gags based on the MoodWhiplash created by the scene after the death of WesternAnimation/{{Bambi}}'s mother. |
| 385 | ** Especially the ending. |
| 386 | * WesternAnimation/{{BUGS BUNNY}} MADE ME CRY! |
| 387 | * Seeing the facial changes can be hilarious for a first-time viewer. |
| 388 | * The ending title card says, "How did we survive our childhoods?!" |
| 389 | * His reaction to Charlotte's death in ''Charlotte's Web'': "I'll never use a can of Raid again!" |
| 390 | * Critic tries to offset the sadness of the bluebird scene in ''Follow that Bird'' by singing "Sunny Days." |
| 391 | [[/folder]] |
| 392 | |
| 393 | [[folder:Surf Ninjas]] |
| 394 | * One word: [[RunningGag GENIUS!!!!]] |
| 395 | * "They take surfing so seriously that they even treat their car as a surfboard rowing their way to school not caring how nobody has their hand on the steering wheel putting dozens of lives at risk. Those lovable rapscallions." |
| 396 | * The funniest moment from the ''entire series'' is when he compares and contrasts this film with Film/ApocalypseNow. He shows a clip of Marlon Brando, his face half cloaked in shadow, glumly intoning, "Horror... has a face... and you must make a friend of horror." Cut to Ernie Reyes goofily saying, "What's TALL, DARK, wears a PATCH, and always seems to be on my BUTT?!" "It's almost like Ford Coppola directed ''both'' movies!" |
| 397 | ** Similarly: |
| 398 | --->'''Critic:''' Notice the low-angle shot here. That is to indicate that Leslie Nielsen is the bad guy. I'm often reminded of the low angle shots in ''Film/CitizenKane'', the greatest movie of all time.\ |
| 399 | '''Kane:''' Don't worry about me! I'm Charles Foster Kane!\ |
| 400 | '''Adam:''' We just want to drive. But "the man" won't let us.\ |
| 401 | '''Critic:''' Can you see the emotional similarities to these magnum opuses? I ''challenge'' you to say no! |
| 402 | * "Also notice Leslie Nielsen's look of absolute evil when he approaches young Zatch": [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVcKQlP1A24&t=4m53s "HEEEEHHH HAAAAAAAHHH!!!"]] "It still haunts my nightmares." |
| 403 | * "Nielsen has to wear a plastic mask on half of his face, no doubt symbolizing the duality of his character. In any other film, this would look positively retarded. But because it's in this film, it works." |
| 404 | * "Remember: Bend your knees, use your arms!" |
| 405 | -->'''Critic:''' AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEED! Bend your knees and swing your arms! Surfing in two seconds! Suck it, [[Creator/MartinScorsese Scorsese]]!!! |
| 406 | * How about Optimus Prime resurrecting him at the end of the review? |
| 407 | -->'''Optimus Prime:''' Remember, I died for your sins! |
| 408 | [[/folder]] |
| 409 | |
| 410 | [[folder:Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows]] |
| 411 | * His over-analysis of ''WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy.'' |
| 412 | * Mentioning that Shredder in the '87 ''TMNT'' series was voiced by James Avery, the same guy who was in ''Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir'': "He's Scarier as Uncle Phil!" |
| 413 | [[/folder]] |
| 414 | |
| 415 | [[folder:Kazaam]] |
| 416 | * ''"The Nostalgia Critic cannot be here right now due to reasons of vengeance, but he has left a recording before he left for you to enjoy."'' |
| 417 | ** "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. To err is human, TO MAKE THE WORST PIECE OF HALF-ASSED COW SHIT TO EVER STAR A BAD-ACTING SEVEN-FOOT BASKETBALL SUPERSTAR IS UNFORGIVABLE!!!" |
| 418 | * "He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went in a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? Oh yeah, go through the hole." |
| 419 | * Critic, dubbing for Kazaam: "I guess I should have an emotion here. But I don't want to." |
| 420 | * He comments that for a "rapping" genie, Shaq doesn't rap as much as he just rhymes, there's a big difference. This leads to this exchange: |
| 421 | -->'''Kazaam:''' Don't get all hysterical, say thank you for your miracle! What's the matter, your tongue is broken? Time like this, you should be stokin'!\ |
| 422 | '''Critic:''' You want this film to be good and I'm not jokin'? [[WatchItStoned Grab yourself a 'jay and get to smokin'! No truer words have ever been spoken, it'll seem much better once you've been tokin'!]]' See I can do it too, it's not hard. |
| 423 | * "Oh my God, SHAQ'S GONNA EAT ME!" |
| 424 | * "Did Kazaam just go back to the future?" |
| 425 | * This exchange: |
| 426 | -->'''Kazaam:''' Problem is, djinn only exist in fairy tales. I don't believe in fairy tales.\ |
| 427 | '''Critic:''' ''({{beat}})'' The genie doesn't believe in fairy tales. ''(moves closer to the camera)'' [[ArbitrarySkepticism The GENIE doesn't believe in fairy tales.]] ''(another beat, then Critic knocks on the camera)'' '''''[[{{Hypocrite}} HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!]]''''' |
| 428 | * "BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!" |
| 429 | * "Look at that shit-eating grin; it's the same kind he gets when he's trying to advertising something." Cue [[ProductPlacement various logos superimposed over the movie]] when Shaq smiles. |
| 430 | * This moment: |
| 431 | -->'''Critic:''' So a ''white'' person owns a ''black'' person to provide services against his ''will'' without getting ''paid''. There's a word for that, I can't quite think what it is...um, ownership? No no no no, that's not it, that's not it... Um, possession! No no no, that's not what I'm lookin' for either. It's something along the lines of um, um...\ |
| 432 | ''(Critic looks down to see the word '''SLAVERY''' below the screen, then looks back at the camera disgusted)''\ |
| 433 | '''Critic:''' What is WRONG with this movie?! |
| 434 | * During the CGI breakfast sequence: |
| 435 | --> '''Critic''': That's sad when the breakfast is the best actor in the movie.\ |
| 436 | '''Kazaam''': ''(disinterested tone)'' Yeah... |
| 437 | * Critic [[HeadDesk Head Desking]] when Shaq does his PissTakeRap, and claiming "[[PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy Vanilla Ice]] [[InsultToRocks was blacker than this!!!]]" Also doubles as a hilarious CallForward to his later review of ''Film/CoolAsIce''. |
| 438 | ** Then there's his priceless reaction to Shaq's line "[[MemeticMutation Let's green egg and ham it!]]" |
| 439 | --->'''Critic:''' ...What is this, [[Creator/DrSeuss Seuss]] [[TotallyRadical Doggy-Dog]], I mean, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! That's something AN INFANT says when he's LEARNING HOW TO READ!! |
| 440 | * This: |
| 441 | -->'''Critic Kazaam:''' I guess I should have an emotion here. But I don't want to. |
| 442 | * "He's gonna go ''VideoGame/ShaqFu'' on your asses!" ([[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome Awesomeness]] [[HilarityEnsues ensues]]) |
| 443 | ** '''[[color:red:SHAQGASM!]]''' |
| 444 | * After said fight: |
| 445 | --> '''Kazaam''': ''(to an unconscious Max)'' You're the only friend I've ever had. When you needed me the most... I wasn't there.\ |
| 446 | '''Critic''': Yeah, you were a bit of a douche, Kazaam. |
| 447 | * So Kazaam finally becomes human and is offered a job. |
| 448 | -->'''Critic:''' ''[pretending to be amused]'' A job? He can't get a job! He's a genie! ''[laughs]'' That's pretty out there! ''[{{beat}}]'' OUT OF MY HAIRY ASS! |
| 449 | * "If I could make a wish, I'd wish that this movie never existed!" |
| 450 | ** And then he ended up railing ''Film/CitizenKane'', getting boos from the crowd, and struggling to explain himself to them. |
| 451 | [[/folder]] |
| 452 | |
| 453 | [[folder:Nostalgia Critic Vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd Final Battle]] |
| 454 | * The Nostalgia Critic Vs. WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd final battle is a thing of true beauty, particularly the [[ClusterFBomb Cluster F Broadsides]] they hit each other with mid-battle. |
| 455 | -->'''Critic''': ''(after getting kicked into a wall of cardboard boxes)'' Who keeps piles of boxes around? Honestly?\ |
| 456 | '''Nerd''': [[BerserkButton Oh, don't you talk about my boxes!]] [[CompanionCube I like boxes!]]\ |
| 457 | '''Critic''': That's the fuckest thing I've ever heard, shit-mop!\ |
| 458 | '''Nerd''': Shitload of fuck!\ |
| 459 | '''Critic''': Fuckmonkey!\ |
| 460 | '''Nerd''': I'm giving you both middle fingers... AT FULL FORCE!\ |
| 461 | '''Critic''': Cow-humping transvestite!\ |
| 462 | '''Nerd''': Fee-fi-fo-fuck you!\ |
| 463 | '''Critic''': Ass-blower!\ |
| 464 | '''Nerd''': Turdburglar! Robble-robble-robble!\ |
| 465 | '''Critic''': ''(mocking tone)'' Oh, look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd!\ |
| 466 | ''(Both of them babble at each other incomprehensibly for a few seconds)''\ |
| 467 | '''Nerd''': Shuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuut up!\ |
| 468 | '''Critic''': You fucky little fuckless fucking motherfucking fucket of fucking world!\ |
| 469 | '''Both''': [[ClusterFBomb Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck]]!\ |
| 470 | '''Critic''': Cocknocker!\ |
| 471 | '''Nerd''': ({{Beat}})...[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Jerk]].\ |
| 472 | '''Critic''': ''(gasps)'' [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne That's it]]! |
| 473 | ** In the behind the scenes video, the off-screen crew does one better: |
| 474 | --->'''Mike Matei''': ''(after everything above)'' That's basically what it all boils down to.\ |
| 475 | '''Camera Man''': Yeah, that's pretty much the whole fight right there. |
| 476 | ** Also from the behind-the-scenes video, no-one knowing how to tie a tie, when the Critic's starts coming undone. Which leads to this moment...with the Nerd/James' real wife eventually tying it! |
| 477 | --->'''Critic:''' There's ''four guys'' in this house, and nobody knows how to tie a tie!\ |
| 478 | '''Cameraman:''' ''(as the Nerd ties the Critic's tie for him)'' Now he's dressing you.\ |
| 479 | '''Critic:''' This is never making it anywhere. This is never going to be shown. |
| 480 | * Chester A. Bum's review of the Final Battle is pretty great as well. |
| 481 | --->"But Super-Mega-Kablooey-Jesus comes out! And he's like [[GoshDangItToHeck 'Fudgers! Fudgers!']] ...Remember, [I'm] Mormon." |
| 482 | *** Turns HilariousInHindsight in his review of ''Film/IronMan2'', wherein the Bum's defining characteristic of Samuel L. Jackson is his carpet {{Cluster F Bomb}}ing. I'd decry it as HypocriticalHumor, unless the Mormons kicked him out. Now calling IKnewIt on any future "I was a Mormon once!" |
| 483 | ---->'''Chester''': [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane I have had it with these motherfucking]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext Iron Men on my motherfucking donuts]]. |
| 484 | [[/folder]] |
| 485 | |
| 486 | [[folder:Drew Struzan Tribute]] |
| 487 | * His TakeThat to ''Film/InspectorGadget2''. |
| 488 | * Him complaining that the only thing the ''WesternAnimation/{{Shrek}}'' cast does on its poster is [[HypocriticalHumor sit on one spot]]. |
| 489 | * Getting happy to be called an asshole by Drew Struzan. |
| 490 | [[/folder]] |
| 491 | |
| 492 | [[folder:Teddy Ruxpin Doll Halloween 2008 Special]] |
| 493 | * When Teddy [[TheReveal reveals himself as the devil]], Critic [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl screams repeatedly in sheer terror and in a]] ''[[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl very]]'' [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl high pitch]]. |
| 494 | * After his first run-in with Teddy, Critic looks himself in the mirror and tries to remind himself that it wasn't real: "You gotta lay off the wacky tobacky." |
| 495 | ** And when Teddy confronts the Critic again, the latter tells him, "You're not real, you're just... [[BuffySpeak a thing that's not very real]]." |
| 496 | * Toys/TeddyRuxpin biting him in the balls. |
| 497 | * The end, where Teddy forces Critic to do a more positive review of him, with him looking quite disheveled, his eyes twitching, and speaking somewhat robotically: |
| 498 | -->'''Critic:''' As you can see, I've been totally wrong about Teddy Ruxpin. He's a good, good toy. Very friendly and very nice, and not the least bit homicidal. So, I recommend Teddy Ruxpin to anyone who has an active imagination. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't HELP, HELP, THE TOY'S ALIVE AND HE'S GONNA KILL ME!! HE'S GONNA KILL ME, HELP!!!\ |
| 499 | ''(as this happens, Teddy turns sharply to Critic and the screen goes black)''\ |
| 500 | '''Critic:''' WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?!? WHO TURNED OFF--\ |
| 501 | ''(he gets cut off by the sound of a gunshot that flashes white, silencing the Critic)''\ |
| 502 | '''Teddy:''' ''([[RedEyesTakeWarning eyes lighting up red]] [[ByTheLightsOfTheirEyes in the darkness]]; singing)'' Come dream with me tonight... |
| 503 | [[/folder]] |
| 504 | |
| 505 | [[folder:Double Dragon]] |
| 506 | * "So we see a bunch of ninjas beating up a bunch of Chinese monks as one of them hides in a cave where they worship the yogurt statue from Film/{{Spaceballs}}." |
| 507 | --> '''Yogurt''': SILENCE! |
| 508 | * Calling Guisman "the Vanilla Ice [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay 1000]]". |
| 509 | ** And another instance of M. Bison: |
| 510 | --> '''Guisman''': I JUST WANT TOTAL DOMINATION OF ONE MAJOR AMERICAN CITY!\ |
| 511 | '''Critic''': ''(sighs)'' All right...\ |
| 512 | '''M. Bison''': Of ''course''!\ |
| 513 | '''Critic''': ''(chuckles)'' I'll never get sick of that joke. |
| 514 | * When Guisman is kicked through a painting, but hops back up through the same painting: |
| 515 | --> '''Critic''': Okay, I guess part of the Double Dragon power is art restoration. |
| 516 | * The RunningGag of how the ExcusePlot of the original game was that some thugs kidnapped the Lee Brothers' girlfriend Marian in the game, and how much the movie is beating around the bush to have the same conflict with the Lee Brothers' girlfriend Satori (or mother/sister/platonic friend... whoever she is) [[note]](She's actually their adoptive mother)[[/note]] in the movie before the movie essentially destroys the original plot altogether by [[DroppedABridgeOnHim killing the girl]] [[NoKillLikeOverkill in a gigantic explosion]]. |
| 517 | -->'''Critic:''' I'm sick of your stalling, movie! It's time that you do something with that woman! [[TemptingFate Do something with that wom-!]]\ |
| 518 | ''(cue StuffBlowingUp)''\ |
| 519 | '''Critic:''' [[DisproportionateRetribution Well that was... harsh]]. |
| 520 | * "This is like waterboarding by WesternAnimation/{{Popeye}}!" |
| 521 | -->'''Popeye:''' Myah. We're gonna have to give up some of our personal freedoms, akekekekeke. |
| 522 | * And when he complains that the {{Mook}}s' designs are so random and {{Narm}}-y that he wouldn't be surprised if WesternAnimation/MickeyMouse suddenly appeared amidst them... |
| 523 | -->'''WesternAnimation/MickeyMouse:''' ''Ha-ha! Aim for the jugular!'' |
| 524 | ** "...Did the music just belch?" |
| 525 | * His completely justified rant when he sees the Double Dragon arcade game in the background, claiming ItMakesAsMuchSenseInContext ([[BigLippedAlligatorMoment oh, and there's no context given whatsoever, by the by]]) as Frodo from the film Lord of the Rings ''reading'' the original book by J.R.R. Tolkein. |
| 526 | * "And to your right, you'll see a shitty movie being made." |
| 527 | * "By the way, to all those morons that are trying to bring this look back...This ''could be you''. (referring to Bo Abobo's appearance)" |
| 528 | * Critic getting annoyed with the Mohawks using an elaborate method to see passed a map blocking their windshield, rather than just removing it. |
| 529 | * "No one interrupts our street rendition of Godspell." |
| 530 | * The lame puns Critic comes up with for the fight scene in the abandoned theater. |
| 531 | -->"It's curtains for you."\ |
| 532 | "May I sweep you off your feet."\ |
| 533 | "Ball's in your court."\ |
| 534 | "It's time to get pinned." |
| 535 | * "Things heat up when the gang leader Bo Abobo gets an upgrade and has transformed into Fat Bastard's retarded pimple-covered cousin." |
| 536 | -->'''Fat Bastard:''' [[Film/AustinPowers "Get in my belly!"]] |
| 537 | * This quote, along with Critic's voices for each of the described mooks. "They have to fight evil nasties; like a [[Creator/RobinWilliams Robin Williams]] mime, a yodeling boy in lederhosen, Rick James, and The Sinister-Postman-Who-Randomly-Leaps-Off-Of-Tall-Buildings-For-No-Reason." |
| 538 | -->'''Critic (as the mime):''' Balloon anima-ahh! (gets hit in between the legs with a board)\ |
| 539 | '''Critic (as the yodeler):''' Yodel lay hee- (gets kicked) ahh!\ |
| 540 | '''Critic (imitating Rick James):''' I'm Rick James, bi- (gets kicked) ahh! |
| 541 | * The Sinister-Postman-Who-Randomly-Leaps-Off-Of-Tall-Buildings-For-No-Reason ("[[DidntThinkThisThrough Maybe this wasn't such a hot IDEAAAAAAAAAA!]]" *[[[EpicFail splat]]]*). |
| 542 | ** AIR MAIL!!! |
| 543 | * "Meanwhile, the two Mexican bellhops, after filming a Double Mint gum commercial-" |
| 544 | * "Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese, asshole." |
| 545 | * Willy Wonka's torture asylum |
| 546 | * "This should be suspenseful, but I can't tell which gang members are supposed to be which. These morons are just one Indian short of the Village People." |
| 547 | * The girl who leads one of the gangs ties up the DarkActionGirl [[HoistByHisOwnPetard with her own whip]], leading to [[PerverseSexualLust fetishy ranting]] from Critic "...''[[NoodleImplements and cover her in maple syrup and make her wear a sailor costume and dance the]]'' - [[ExplainExplainOhCrap Wow, I have issues]]." |
| 548 | * "-giving him the incredible ability to turn into...these two guys. That's a pretty lame medallion." |
| 549 | * The "quacking profile", complete with Critic mocking Bo Abobo's head-shot and flipping off with both fingers. |
| 550 | ** The Critic's profile edited in over a manhunt for John Gotti. |
| 551 | --->"We're on the hunt for a bigshot in the Gambino crime family ''(Critic's quacking mugshot plays on the screen)'' |
| 552 | * When Guisman is lowered into the police car: |
| 553 | --> '''Guisman''': You think I'm bad... Wait till you meet my lawyers! ''(smiles)''\ |
| 554 | ''(''Series/TheTonightShow'' theme plays)''\ |
| 555 | '''Critic''': ''(chuckles)'' Robert Patrick, everybody, Robert Patrick. I tell ya, that kid is goin' places. |
| 556 | * At the end, where Critic claims this movie must be the wake-up call for film producers to make some quality movies based off of video games, [[VideoGameMoviesSuck rather than simply crank out crappy ones]] [[MoneyDearBoy to make money]], [[TemptingFate he dares God]] [[BoltOfDivineRetribution to strike him down if he's wrong]]. |
| 557 | -->BoomHeadshot\ |
| 558 | [[PrettyLittleHeadshots Critic falls over with a hole in his head...]] [[NotQuiteDead and pops back up asking]] "Is it me, [[TheyKilledKenny or have I been dying a LOT recently?]]" (HeadDesk) |
| 559 | [[/folder]] |
| 560 | |
| 561 | [[folder:Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics]] |
| 562 | * When ''Film/ReturnToOz'' comes up, Critic thinks it will be as delightful and charming as the 1930's film. Cue rampant montage of the movie's NightmareFuel. |
| 563 | -->'''Critic:''' ''({{beat}})'' --Holy shit! |
| 564 | [[/folder]] |
| 565 | |
| 566 | [[folder:Howard The Duck]] |
| 567 | * "[[WesternAnimation/{{DuckTales|1987}} DuckTits]]... [[EarWorm woo-hoo!]]" |
| 568 | -->'''Critic:''' What creepy pervert thought [[NonMammalMammaries that up]]?! ''(image of a grinning Creator/GeorgeLucas flashes)'' |
| 569 | * This gem: |
| 570 | -->'''Guy In Movie #1:''' Dat's a duck!\ |
| 571 | '''Guy In Movie #2:''' What is dat?\ |
| 572 | '''Guy In Movie #1:''' Dat's a duck, man!\ |
| 573 | '''Critic:''' ''(points to screen)'' Dat's a duck! ''(points to tie)'' Dat's a tie! ''(points to desk)'' Dat's a desk! ''(holds up copy of movie)'' Dat's a dupid, dupid movie! |
| 574 | * "[[UnusuallyUninterestingSight You know you're talking to a duck, right!?]]" |
| 575 | * "My god, he's transformed into [[Franchise/GIJoe Cobra Commander]]!" |
| 576 | -->'''Scientist possessed by alien:''' I am now one of the dark overlords of the universe.\ |
| 577 | '''Critic (as Alien):''' [[Film/TheExorcist And your mother sucks cocks in hell, BLAAAAAH!]] |
| 578 | * "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner BRING IT, MOTHADUCKAH!]]" |
| 579 | * [[Franchise/StreetFighter Hadouken!]] |
| 580 | * Critic's reaction to Howard and Beverly's [[{{Squick}} almost-sex scene.]] First, he brings out [[INeedAFreakingDrink the bottle of Jack Daniels]] from earlier... then he [[AteHisGun cocks a revolver]]... then he holds a knife to his wrists. All with the same concerned expression. [[BigDamnHeroes Then the scientists show up and ruin the moment -- much to the Critic's relief]]. |
| 581 | * Critic imitates Beverly while she is admiring Howard while he's sleeping: "Hmm. [[MrsHypothetical Mrs. Duck.]] I guess I kinda like it." |
| 582 | -->'''Beverley:''' ''(to Howard)'' What am I going to do with you?\ |
| 583 | '''Critic:''' Well, roasted or extra crispy comes to mind. |
| 584 | * The following: |
| 585 | -->'''Beverley:''' (''about the villain'') HE'S IN A BAD MOOD!\ |
| 586 | '''Critic:''' I ''really'' hope she dies. |
| 587 | * There's a running gag throughout the review wherein clips of Howard making snide remarks follows one of the Critic's comments, making it almost feel like Critic and Howard are participating in SnarkToSnarkCombat. |
| 588 | -->'''Critic:''' Look at this thing, it's like WesternAnimation/DonaldDuck's missing nephew, Drunky.\ |
| 589 | '''Howard:''' [[SarcasmMode Thanks.]] |
| 590 | * "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Ducks are from some parallel dimension where apparently they have duck tits. And no shame." |
| 591 | * Critic being [[{{Squick}} squicked]] by Tim Robbins making bad duck noises toward Howard: |
| 592 | -->'''Critic:''' Did the movie just run out of dialog? That wasn't a sentence, that was a sound effect! It's like the script was written by WesternAnimation/GeraldMcBoingBoing! |
| 593 | * "Next I will destroy the TABASCO SAUCE!" |
| 594 | * "Well, gee! He threw a pie at the other guys! Surely he's not going to throw a pie at me D'OOOOOH!" |
| 595 | [[/folder]] |
| 596 | |
| 597 | [[folder:Mortal Kombat: Annihilation]] |
| 598 | * [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Critic's reaction that]] the opening sequence was identical to the one from [[Film/MortalKombatTheMovie the original Mortal Kombat]]. At first, he thinks he accidentally put in the wrong cassette, then thinks the cassette is mislabeled, and then [[UnstoppableRage utterly loses his shit]] when he realizes it really was ripped shot-for-shot from the first film, [[AssPull save for the Mortal Kombat title turning into "Annihilation"]] |
| 599 | -->'''Critic''': ...''Oh my God'', they used the exact same opening, ''no difference at all!'' How cheap are these A-holes?! Why'd you even CG a new title?! Were there no red crayons at the drug store to cross it out and write Annihilation over it?! [[SarcasmMode Wow, these guys are really going the extra mile!]] |
| 600 | * When Critic gets annoyed with any mention of [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Captain Kirk's]] '''KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!!!''' during his review of ''Film/MortalKombatAnnihilation''. |
| 601 | * The part with Cyrax, the Lin-Kuei yellow combat robot- or, as NC puts it, "A lost G.I. Joe action figure." |
| 602 | -->''I COME FREE WITH EVERY HAPPY MEAL!\ |
| 603 | BEHOLD MY ACCESSORIES! THEY ARE ALL SOLD SEPARATELY!\ |
| 604 | MY BATTERIES ARE NOT INCLUDED, [[PrecisionFStrike MOTHERFUCKER!]] \ |
| 605 | THIS IS NOT COVERED BY MY GUARANTEE!'' |
| 606 | ** "... Also, Sindel's Wonder Woman twirl, complete with the theme song and his confusion of the Sub-Zero brothers. Don't forget the fight between Sonya ([[TheOtherDarrin not Sonya]]) and Mileena (aka "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint You Wish.]]") |
| 607 | ** [[Creator/EdWood Pull the string! Pull the string!]] |
| 608 | ** "When visiting Six Flags, be sure to ride the Fuck Ball! Hours of uncomfortable, unpractical, and all around unenjoyable fun! It's like the Tunnel of Love - only it's a Fuck Ball! Must be at least ''this'' perverted to ride!" ("this perverted" overlaid with a shot of Raiden) |
| 609 | * "[[LukeIAmYourFather Shao Kahn is my brother]]." |
| 610 | -->'''[[Franchise/StarWars Luke Skywalker]]:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOO!!]] |
| 611 | * Critic's reaction to the [[TheOtherDarrin cast changing]]: |
| 612 | -->'''Critic:''' So wait a minute, if you're not Sonya, you're not Raiden, and you're not Johnny Cage, then what does that make ''me?!''\ |
| 613 | '''Sonny''': Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! |
| 614 | ** Then there's trying to figure out why the rest of the cast weren't signed up for Annihilation, [[SequelHook since the first film made it blatantly obvious there would be a sequel]]: |
| 615 | --->'''Critic:''' ''(on cell-phone)'' Frank, you're my agent, you've ''got'' to get me out of this movie sequel! I know I did the first one, but, ''they don't have enough money '' '''for a new opening sequence!!!''' ...Uh-huh. ...Uh-huh. ...Oh. Alright. [[ComicalOverreacting I'll just have to fake my own death.]] (Hangs up and sighs) ''I can't go back...'' |
| 616 | * When Liu Kang starts turning green with yellow, reptilian eyes: |
| 617 | -->'''Critic:''' '''[[Series/TheIncredibleHulk1977 YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M LIU-KANGRY!!!]]''' |
| 618 | * Calling out Raiden [[TheLoad for not helping in the climax of the movie]]. |
| 619 | -->'''Critic:''' But, wait a minute -- why isn't Raiden coming? Oh, I know! Perhaps he has some sort of [[CrazyPrepared foolproof backup plan]] [[BigDamnHeroes to sneak in and stop the Emperor, taking him by surprise]]. So: tell us Raiden, ''God of Lightning''. What's your strategy to help our team?\ |
| 620 | '''Raiden:''' [[PrayerIsALastResort I will pray for you all.]]\ |
| 621 | '''Critic:''' '''[[WhatTheHellHero ...Fuck you! Get your ass in there, Thor!]]''' I mean, what, is he literally standing in the back shouting '[[DirtyCoward Don't worry! I'll bravely watch you die from the sidelines!]]' |
| 622 | ** Then, when Raiden [[BigDamnHeroes tries to actually fight Shao Kahn]], Critic plays it up for an UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny... |
| 623 | --->'''Critic:''' Finally, a ground-breaking epic duel. [[CoolVersusAwesome God vs. God]], [[CainAndAbel brother vs. brother]], an incredible battle [[TemptingFate that will no doubt be the highlight of]]--\ |
| 624 | ''([[AntiClimax Kahn takes out Raiden with one shot]])''\ |
| 625 | '''Critic:''' '''WHY WERE YOU EVEN IN THIS MOVIE?!?!'''\ |
| 626 | '''Mortal Kombat Announcer:''' GameOver. [[EpicFail Suck]][[MadLibsCatchPhrase ality]]! |
| 627 | * Then, Critic gets fired up when the fight between Liu Kang and Shao Kahn begins... Only for Kahn to deliver a NoHoldsBarredBeatdown on Kang so bad that it '''[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou knocks the Critic out!]]''' |
| 628 | -->'''Critic:''' ''[[NonSequiturThud Mortal Kombaaat...]]'' (HeadDesk) |
| 629 | * [[Film/TheKentuckyFriedMovie The mud wrestling scene.]] Especially the expression on Rob's face. |
| 630 | ** Also combined with MaleGaze and a healthy dose of PassThePopcorn. |
| 631 | ** Then, there's the bit where he calls Mileena's subsequent OneWingedAngel form "[[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Bowser's]] [[SpecialEffectFailure anorexic sister]]". |
| 632 | * The memorial to his own beard "Beardy", which he claims he shaved because of a bet. |
| 633 | ** The explanations for why all three of Doug's characters shaved at the same time. |
| 634 | * Critic's [[AndThereWasMuchRejoicing reaction]] when Johnny Cage is KilledOffForReal [[DroppedABridgeOnHim at the start of the film]]. |
| 635 | -->'''Critic:''' ''(seemingly horrified)'' ...Johnny Cage ''dies?'' ...([[MoodWhiplash suddenly brightens up]]) '''[[TakeThatScrappy THIS FILM'S LOOKING UP ALREADY!!!]]''' How soon do the other characters get it?! |
| 636 | ** In an ultimate BrickJoke[[=/=]]IronicEcho, this is followed by the "''[[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand Wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAH!!!]]''" sound-effect Critic used on Johnny Cage's crappy one-liners in his review of the original ''Film/MortalKombatTheMovie'', while shrugging with a sheepishly apologetic look on his face. |
| 637 | * After Scorpion kidnaps Kitana, and departs with a triumphant yell of "'''[[SoLongSuckers SUCK-]]''[[SoLongSuckers EEERRRSS!!!]]'' '''", Critic chimes in with a "''[[BigStupidDoodooHead Nah-Nah-Na-Nah-Nahh!!!]]''" |
| 638 | * TheReveal that Sindel is Kitana's... |
| 639 | -->'''Critic:''' ''[[LukeIAmYourFather Mother?]]'' ''(looks at Kitana (early-to-mid-twenties, ''at least''), then to Sindel (early thirties, ''at most))'' [[AbsurdlyYouthfulMother Did she give birth when she was]] ''[[AbsurdlyYouthfulMother two?!]]''\ |
| 640 | ([[StockSoundEffects Klaxon goes off]] while the message ''"MILF [[RedAlert Alert!"]]'' pops onscreen) |
| 641 | * "So [[BigBad the Emperor]] fights [[BigGood Raiden]] (as he makes fun of his UsefulNotes/GeorgeWashington haircut), as they show off their [[SpecialEffectFailure special effects that are SO lame]], [[SitcomArchnemesis that even]] WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd [[TakeThat could pull them off!]]" |
| 642 | [[/folder]] |
| 643 | |
| 644 | [[folder:Godzilla]] |
| 645 | * "So yeah, apparently ''fire'' translates English into Japanese". |
| 646 | -->'''Patient:''' Nice lighter. Nice frickin' lighter. |
| 647 | * The montage/mash-up of flying scenes. |
| 648 | * "That's a lot of fish", as well as all the call backs to the line throughout the review. |
| 649 | ** That whole scene just takes the cake for Critic's baffled reaction. We're so used to seeing him get bombastically angry at the stupid things that he sees in old movies, seeing him express such utter '''confusion''' is just hysterical. |
| 650 | -->'''Critic:''' "That's a lotta fish." ''(mutters to himself)'' I don't get it. "That's a lotta fish" -- so? I mean, is that meant to be funny? It left a pause at the end for the audience to laugh, I mean, but... what's the joke? I could've just as easily said "That's a hat." "That's a wall." "That's a lotta fish." I mean, how is that funny? You could've said a lot of things there like "I got a fishy feeling about this" or "It's like shooting fish in a barrel out here!" I mean, it wouldn't have been ''funny'', but at least they would've been actual jokes. "That's a lotta fish" -- you could spend ''years'' trying to figure out why the hell that's supposed to be funny and not get anywhere! "That's a lotta fish" -- look, you could literally just put in gibberish, and that at least would've been a little bit funnier. He looks over this amazing sight, turns to the other guy and says "Poppity pop pop pop!" and that actually would've gotten a little bit of a laugh. Just nonsense off the top of my head is funnier than these guys trying to willingly produce written humor. '''''THIIINK!''''' |
| 651 | * [[RunningGag His mangled attempts at pronouncing "Nick Tatopoulos," Matthew Broderick's character's name]], finally culminating in... |
| 652 | -->'''Critic:''' Mr. Taconovahumpashirerinkydinkyhamstermasterpollywollywannabingbang[[Film/MaryPoppins supercalifragilistic]]knickknack-paddywackygivethedogabananafannafofrescahickorydickory[[WesternAnimation/TheSwordInTheStone hockitypockitywockitywack]][[WesternAnimation/{{Animaniacs}} angelinafrancesca the Third]].\ |
| 653 | '''Matthew Broderick:''' [[AccidentalMisnaming It's "Tatopoulos."]]\ |
| 654 | '''Critic:''' Whatever. |
| 655 | * Critic bailing out on a joke referring to Harry Shearer's character saying that the attack is 'the worst since the World Trade Center bombing'. This is the 1993 bombing that we're talking about. |
| 656 | * Phillip's Jerry Lewis impression. |
| 657 | * "So this should be the end of the movie, right? Noo, because Godzilla actually resurrect himself back to life!" |
| 658 | -->''Truly, he is the son of [=GODzilla=].'' |
| 659 | * The military is barraging the entangled Godzilla with all their firepower. Critic is eager to help. |
| 660 | -->''Use the anvil! *BAM* Use the ocean liner! *BA-A-AM* That's it! '''[[KitchenSinkIncluded BRING IN THE SINK, BOYS]]!!!!*KABOOOM*''''' |
| 661 | * "You know, they outwit this thing just a few too many times. He breathes fire at them, they just turn around. He corners them in a tunnel, they just turn on their headlights. ''They get trapped inside his mouth''... "Hey, got a quarter?" (manipulated footage to make it look like Godzilla is hacking them up; dubbed over with "ACK ACK!") |
| 662 | * When Critic notes that the mayor and his aide are patterned after Creator/RogerEbert and Creator/GeneSiskel: |
| 663 | -->'''Critic:''' Apparently, Mayor Ebert is an anger-obsessed screamer who spends most of his time eating candy, while his aide Gene is a slimy little yes-man who blindly agrees with everything he says. [[TakeThatCritics Take ''that'', Siskel and Ebert!]] How dare you have an opinion! But, I don't get it. Why are they making fun of these two in the first place? They're like America's most-loved critics. Ohhh, maybe it's because they never gave thumbs up to any of your movies. Well, maybe if you got ''your'' thumbs out of ''your'' asses and started producing good films, we'd agree with you. |
| 664 | [[/folder]] |
| 665 | |
| 666 | [[folder:Top 11 Disney Villains]] |
| 667 | * Critic about Cruella De Vil: "This is even worse than the time she opened up that new line of baby seal head necklaces! I'm pretty sure I saw Music/KanyeWest wearing one of those, too." [cut to shot of Kanye West with a baby seal head necklace photoshopped on] |
| 668 | * Jafar's disguises: |
| 669 | -->'''Critic:''' You see him as a wizard, you see him as an old man, you see him as a snake, you see him as a genie, and you even see him one point as a straight guy. |
| 670 | * Shere Khan-- |
| 671 | -->'''[[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Kirk]]:''' KHHHHAAAAAAAAN!\ |
| 672 | '''Critic:''' Knock it off! |
| 673 | ** Then, with Kaa: |
| 674 | --->'''[[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Kirk]]:''' KHHHHAAAAAAAAN!\ |
| 675 | '''Critic:''' I said "''Kaa''"! |
| 676 | * All of Critic's fearful expressions when Mowgli refuses to run from Shere Khan. |
| 677 | * Apparently, Lady Tremaine is bulletproof. |
| 678 | * Critic [[BullyingADragon makes fun of Jafar]] for not being able to kill a major character like Scar did. |
| 679 | -->'''Critic:''' Where were you on that one, Jafar? Huh? Huh!?\ |
| 680 | '''Jafar:''' You'll get what's coming to you.\ |
| 681 | '''Critic:''' What's coming to me? What do you mean what's coming to me? I don't--\ |
| 682 | ''(Jafar zaps the Critic, turning him into a dinosaur)''\ |
| 683 | '''Critic:''' Alright, that's ''not'' cool. |
| 684 | ** Later, Critic [[TooDumbToLive mocks Maleficent]], who then turns him into a skull-creature. |
| 685 | --->'''Critic:''' Here's an idea; stop insulting the rulers of darkness. That'll get you ahead in life. |
| 686 | * The last line before his usual CatchPhrase is pretty funny, in an twitchy way on how Critic twisted one of Disney's slogans: |
| 687 | -->'''Critic:''' When you wish upon a star, '''[[EvilSoundsDeep EVIL WILL FIND YOU!]]''' |
| 688 | * The post-credits scene of NC describing his possessed computer which is playing the audio from ''Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}}''. |
| 689 | [[/folder]] |
| 690 | |
| 691 | [[folder:Super Mario Bros. Super Show]] |
| 692 | * The intro plays up until right after the ground theme starts. |
| 693 | -->'''Critic:''' Well, at least they have the original video game music. [[TemptingFate At least they're not]] [[TotallyRadical trying to modernize it with]] [[PissTakeRap some retarded rap or something]].\ |
| 694 | ''(rap ensues)''\ |
| 695 | '''Critic:''' [[LampshadeHanging You know, I've gotta learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.]] |
| 696 | * Critic thinks that Luigi sounds like Creator/GeorgeCarlin: |
| 697 | -->'''Critic:''' [[SevenDirtyWords Say the seven words you can't say on TV!]]\ |
| 698 | '''Luigi:''' ''(in Carlin's voice)'' [[ClusterFBomb Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd and twat.]] |
| 699 | * "GIMME A [[TheBlank FACE]], YA FUCKIN' BUNGHOLES!!" |
| 700 | * "Hey, I got an idea: let's all go to Pot Land! And after that, maybe we can spend time in Table Tennis Land. Or how about we drop by [[Creator/JimBroadbent That-British-Guy-Who-Always-Seems-To-Be-In-Everything-But-You-Never-Really-Take-The-Time-To-Figure-Out-What-His-Name-Is Land]]." |
| 701 | * Critic questioning the insanity of the show. |
| 702 | -->'''Mario:''' That was more fun than getting flushed down the sewer!\ |
| 703 | ''(beat)''\ |
| 704 | '''Critic:''' Okay, I don't wanna know what you do on Friday nights. |
| 705 | ** Also: |
| 706 | --->'''Mario:''' We don't have anything he wants!\ |
| 707 | '''Toadstool:''' Yes, we do! A tanker full of spaghetti sauce!\ |
| 708 | ''(beat)''\ |
| 709 | '''Critic:''' ''(breaks down)'' I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! I'm so confused! Why does he want a tanker of spaghetti sauce?!? WHY WOULD ''ANYBODY'' WANT A TANKER OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE?!? IT'S ''SPAGHETTI!!! IT'S NOT A VALUABLE RESOURCE!!!'' |
| 710 | * Critic noting that the King of Hyrule looks and sounds like he's always on drugs and then saying that the land must be called "Hyrule" because it's run by a "high" king. |
| 711 | * Critic tries to think of different catchphrases for Link during the Zelda show: |
| 712 | -->'''Critic:''' Like, "[[Series/DiffrentStrokes What-chu-talkin' about, Zelda?]]", or maybe a more obscure "[[Series/TheHoneymooners To the moon, Your Highness!]]", or how 'bout the always classic, always enduring "'''[[Series/GoodTimes DYE-NO-MITE]]'''[[Series/GoodTimes , Princess Hottie Pants!!]]" |
| 713 | * "The Adventures of Zelda, action, adventures, swords and flames, and trying to figure out who left the toilet seat up the other night!" |
| 714 | * When he starts talking about individual episodes of the Zelda show, he brings up the water park episode. |
| 715 | -->'''Critic:''' You have all these demons and creatures you could be fighting, and what's the biggest problem?\ |
| 716 | '''King:''' My royal water park will be completed soon!\ |
| 717 | '''Critic:''' Bullshit! |
| 718 | * At the end of the video, Critic says he has to go on a quest to find "Pot Land". |
| 719 | [[/folder]] |
| 720 | |
| 721 | [[folder:Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials]] |
| 722 | * The singing Christmas tree. |
| 723 | * CHRISTMAAAS! CHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! |
| 724 | [[/folder]] |
| 725 | |
| 726 | [[folder:Jingle All The Way]] |
| 727 | * At the beginning of the ''Film/JingleAllTheWay'' review, he mentions that the kid is played by Jake Lloyd. |
| 728 | -->'''Critic:''' Jake Lloyd... hmm... now, where do I know that name?\ |
| 729 | ''(ScareChord as a poster for Franchise/StarWars Episode I: Film/ThePhantomMenace zooms in on Anakin's face)''\ |
| 730 | [[GoMadFromTheRevelation Woaah-EEAAAGGGHHH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!]] ''([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere runs off-screen]], glass shatters) '''*thump*''' My ''god'', what a tall building! |
| 731 | * This: |
| 732 | --> '''Howard''': Look sir, I'm in kind of a hurry.\ |
| 733 | '''Critic''': Oh, well, if you're in a "hurreh". Arnold tries to "hurreh ahp", but ultimately misses the ceremony. |
| 734 | * When Howard misses Jamie's karate promotion and instead finds an empty gym with a janitor sweeping: |
| 735 | --> '''Howard''': I didn't make it.\ |
| 736 | '''Critic''': ...Thanks, Arnold. I never would've figured that out if you didn't say something. What is this, "movies for the blind"?! ''(in Arnold accent)'' "I'm walking down the hallway, I stop to catch my breath. I look into an empty gym to emphasize what a douchebag I am." |
| 737 | * Critic being creeped out by Arnold's "Heartwarming" promise. |
| 738 | -->'''Arnold:''' I'll be there... ''(slow, deep, threatening)'' '''I PROMISE'''. |
| 739 | * When one of the clerks (played by Chris Parnell) razzes Howard: |
| 740 | --> '''Clerk''': Turbo Man's only the hottest selling Christmas toy ever, ''(makes goofy face)'' Duh!\ |
| 741 | '''Critic''': "And I think I'm having a psychotic episode, ''(makes goofier face)'' Duh! ''(laughs)'' |
| 742 | * [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE, STAY AWAY FROM MY COOKIES, AND STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE'S COOKIES!]] OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! '''[[SkywardScream COOOOOOOOKIIIIIIEEEEEESSSS!!!]]''' |
| 743 | * When Myron shows up again: |
| 744 | --> '''Critic''': ''(sarcastic)'' Oh, good. For a second there, I started tolerating the art of filmmaking.\ |
| 745 | '''Myron''': You and I, we the same kinda person, ain't we?\ |
| 746 | '''Critic''': Yeah, [[TakeThat except he's successful and you're not.]] |
| 747 | * This small bit: |
| 748 | --> '''Guy''': ''(getting in his car)'' They got a late delivery of Turbo Man at Toyworks!\ |
| 749 | '''Critic''': [[HereWeGoAgain Gawd...]] |
| 750 | * During the "lottery balls" scene: "DESTROY HIM! DESTROY HIM, THEN EAT HIM!!!" |
| 751 | * Referring to Ahnuld as an "International Punchline." |
| 752 | * This: |
| 753 | -->'''Critic:''' Arnold searches for an appropriate response...\ |
| 754 | '''Arnold:''' ''(turning to the reindeer)'' [[Film/TheTerminator Fuck you, asshole]]. |
| 755 | * The series of alternate one-liners he came up that Arnold could have said after he punched the reindeer. Classic examples include, "No more [[WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer reindeer games]].", "[[Franchise/{{Terminator}} Hasta la vista]], Rudolf." and "I'll be buck." |
| 756 | * "''Damn you!... Damn you!''" |
| 757 | ** "''Hello? My pizza's gonna be late? Damn you!''" |
| 758 | * At one point, Critic is delighted to come across a genuinely funny moment... which is ruined moments later due to poor handling, much to his frustration. |
| 759 | -->'''Critic:''' '''''YOU DID IT! YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! YOU RUINED THE ONLY FUNNY JOKE IN THE MOVIE, YOU JINGLE BALLS OF ASS! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!''''' |
| 760 | * There's the part where he puts on a pirate hat and goes nuts. |
| 761 | * Critic's heavy LampshadeHanging over the BrokenAesop at the end, culminating with: |
| 762 | -->"Jingle All The Way can jingle all the way to ''HELL''!!! |
| 763 | * Then he promises to assassinate Santa for the "terrible gift", starting with "You better not shout..." |
| 764 | ** Followed by the sound of Santa getting shot over the end credits. |
| 765 | [[/folder]] |
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