Line #19 Funny/Stalker


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2	* Much of the conversations around campfires will consist entirely of Stalkers taking turns telling jokes to each other. If you can understand Russian, [[BilingualBonus many of them are hilarious]].
3	** "So two members of Duty go into the Zone, one young and one experienced. Suddenly the experienced one says urgently: 'Now, carefully go over to that tree there!' The younger one slowly creeps up to the tree, as instructed. 'Dammit!' says the elder 'I knew they were lying when they said there was an anomaly there!'"
4	** "Two bloodsuckers meet on the road. The second is covered in blood all down its front. 'Comrade!', says the first bloodsucker, 'Where have you been that you have found such bounty?' The bloodsoaked one says 'Do you see that large tree at the crossing behind me?' The first replies, 'Yes'. The bloodsoaked one says 'I did not.'"
5	** "An experienced Stalker comes to a sign on the road. 'To the right are anomalies and a little loot' 'Forward there are some monsters and medium loot' 'To the left there are endless women and inns, and much loot'. The Stalker chooses to go forward, and while walking, says to himself, 'I should ask next time I am at the Bar, but what the crap are women and inns?'"
6	** "A Stalker is lost in the Zone. He is shouting as he walks around. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder, and turns around. It is a monster! The monster asks 'Why are you shouting?' The Stalker says 'I am lost, and I thought someone might hear me.' The monster says 'I heard you. Do you feel better?'"
7	* The A-Life system, asides from creating random and memorable encounters between entities of the zone, can also result in some rather ''strange'' and hilarious circumstances. Surviving stalkers will drag the bodies of the dead off to the side or into the brush, but on occasion the player can come across said bodies piled in the campfires scattered about the zone. ArtificialStupidity? [[ImAHumanitarian Desperate measures for desperate times]]? Viking funeral? One guess is as good as any. Sometimes the result appears to be [[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/GMCMA/Other%20stuff/13.jpg a fatal attempt to re-enact a certain scene from Blazing Saddles]].
8	** On the other hand, this can be very convenient if the NPC in the fire is someone who carries a unique weapon. Oh, you want Bes's silenced AK but don't want to cap him yourself? Come back in half an hour, he'll be medium rare over the fire pit in the scrapyard. You don't have to kill him...[[BlackComedy you just have to wait for]] [[ImAHumanitarian his friends to get hungry enough]].
9	** From a meta point of view, it gets even funnier. The aforementioned friends in fires is the result of a bug in the coding for the spawning system every time an area is loaded. Most of the time, {{Non Player Character}}s will simply spawn around a campfire. Sometimes, they'll spawn directly IN the fire, and take so much immediate damage from it that they die right then and there. If the developers caught it in playtesting, it was either too difficult or time-consuming to fix, or they simply felt it would be even more grim (and hilarious) to keep it in. Given that the same game engine and coding is used in the next two games, but bereft of this bug, it's likely the latter.
10	* Occasionally, the AI will lose the squad-based tactics routines and you can wipe out entire squads by standing inside a building with a shotgun and killing them one at a time as they run in the door. Bodies can pile up just inside the doorway, and those remaining outside will immediately conclude that the best course of action is to run in like the last twenty guys did.
11	** Borov's base and the Military Outpost in ''Shadow of Chernobyl'' can be a real pain to deal with as the area is wide, with a basement full of anomalies, radiation pockets and over 20 bandits/soldiers, the majority of them carrying [=AKs=], submachine guns and grenades. Except sometimes they can't be arsed to swarm you and just hide behind something, not reacting even if you come from behind them and pump them full of lead. Either Borov and the Ukrainian Army hired the only deaf people in the Zone, they ''really'' hate eachother or they're suicidal, but feel free to chuckle when one guy doesn't react at all when his three buddies on the other side of the room are getting ventiled.
12	** Similar hilarity will ensue if you find a couple of bandits or expendable Loners (if you're feeling cruel) inside a building and have a spare rifle grenade (or an RPG, if you're feeling extraordinarily wasteful). If you're very very lucky, not only will the men inside be killed (instead of relatively unharmed and pissed off at you) but one or two will be in hilarious positions, such as being partially glitched headfirst through a wall with his hindquarters hanging out.
13	*** Actually this can happen in any indoor area where explosives are involved. Running around in the CNPP at the end of Shadow of Chernobyl, you can kill three or four Monolith troops with a pair of grenades if the planets align properly. How? Kill one with the first grenade and possibly wound the others, then send the body and his gun flying at lethal speeds with the second blast. It's almost impossible to do intentionally, but if it does you've just managed to kill someone with a gun without firing it at them.
14	* The commander of the Military Outpost in the Cordon '''hates''' his job. How do you know? Because he'll often take over the PA system and use it to complain how shitty his day is or how hungover he is.
15	* Due to a bug, professor Sakharov will sometimes repeat his "Hello, hello!" greeting over and over in a loop. The kicker is that he'll do it even when you don't talk to him or are not in the bunker. You can even hear it rather far away from it!
16	* The PA announcements at the Freedom base in ''Clear Sky'' will occasionally be interrupted [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3yzVdCC5PA by arguments between the camp trader, Ashot, and the technician, Yar]]. This conversation, however, takes the cake:
17	-->'''Yar:''' ''Yo, Ashot, are you gonna bring that over here or what?''
18	-->'''Ashot:''' ''That will be 20 dollars!''
19	-->'''Yar:''' ''You cheapskate! ({{Beat}}) All right, get them from the commandant...''
20	-->'''Ashot:''' ''Come again?''
21	-->'''Yar:''' ''So how 'bout it, Ashot?''
22	-->'''Ashot:''' ''If you want it, you get it, OK? Move your ass!''
23	-->'''Yar:''' ''You're a real jerk, you know that? [[LazyBum You're just sitting there, doing nothing all day]]!''
24	-->'''Ashot:''' '''''HEY, YOU GO SUCK MY C-'''''
25	-->'''Lingov:''' '''''CUT THE BULLSHIT, YOU BOZOS! YOU'RE MAKING THE WHOLE BASE SOUND LIKE A USED CAR DEALERSHIP!'''''
26	** Hell, the way Lingov is scolding both Ashot and Yar for arguing each other could bring [[WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce Carl Brutananadilewski]] to mind.
27	** Freedom base also gives us Ganja, the bartender for the area. [[TheStoner As his name implies]], there's only one thing on his mind and he mentions it as much as humanly possible. Made even funnier by the goofy sitcom-esque music on his radio. His whole setup is hilariously at odds with the otherwise ultra-bleak nature of the zone.
28	* Near the path to the good ending of ''Shadow of Chernobyl'', [[spoiler:when going through a PortalNetwork to attack the C-Consciousness, one of the portals [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment inexplicably sends you all the way to Sidorovich's bunker on the other end of the zone before taking you back to the plant.]]]] He's just as confused as you are.
29	-->'''Sidorovich''': Marked One? What the HELL!?
30	** He doesn't even sound all that shocked as much as he sounds annoyed that you showed up out of nowhere.
31	** To make this even funnier (in a way), [[spoiler:you can prime a grenade, and will throw it as you teleport into the bunker. And it will blow up '''right after''' he says the line. What the hell indeed]].
32	* After the team you form in ''Call of Pripyat'' all makes it to Pripyat and finds out Degtyarev works for the military (which prompts Zulu to leave,) all Strider has to say is "And I don't give a rat's ass who's working for who." -- in the same CreepyMonotone he says ''everything else'' in.
33	* When you check out the first Stingray in ''Call of Pripyat'' it [[TeleportingKeycardSquad causes a bunch of monsters to spawn and run at you]]. But since there's a [[LandMineGoesClick minefield]] between you and them, most of the monsters get blown up when they run at you. This may have been deliberate, considering how much of a pain it was to get through the minefield to the chopper in the first place.
34	* Some of the stalkers stories' are quite fun to read due to how rotten their luck is. Notably, [[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon]] [[ShoutOut Freeman]], whose PDA is one-third cursing the Black Mesa higher-ups for doing fuck-all while he's barely surviving and one-third complaining about how the Zone is worse than Black Mesa, even lamenting how he had to trade his crowbar for food.
35	* Hawaiian is funny for being a living MoodDissonance. In the middle of the Zone he's trying to create a jovial, tropical atmosphere in his store, yelling "Aloha" and insisting "it can be fun around here!"
36	* The [[TechnicallyLivingZombie Zombie Stalkers]] utter inability to aim their weapons effectively can be funny at times, such as when one unloads an entire magazine at you from a few meters away and manages to miss you entirely, leaving the player as confused as they presumably are.
37	* While Bandits are among the most hated human enemies you'll face in the series, it's hard not to chuckle at their combat taunts, especially when spouting out the infamous "cheeki breeki iv damke" line.
38	* ''Music/CrazyFrog'' is [[https://www.reddit.com/r/stalker/comments/fucfbq/i_found_this_in_stalkers_files_it_sounds_like/ in the game's files]]. Why? Well, why the hell not?
39	** The OP mentions he found it in the sound files for cars in the game. [[DevelopmentGag One can only wonder what the devs were up to while testing out vehicles during the game's development]].

Context Funny / Stalker