Line #43 Funny/Soapdish


1	* Many exchanges between David and Montana.
2	** This one:
3	--->'''David:''' Why aren't we having sex yet?\
4	'''Montana:''' You know the rules. Get rid of her, Mr. Fuzzy is yours.[[note]] The fact that her UnusualEuphemism of choice is ''Mr.'' Fuzzy is a clue to her true identity.[[/note]]
5	** This exchange:
6	--->'''Montana:''' YOU - promised me you would get rid of Celeste. '''WE WERE BOTH NAKED AND YOU PROMISED! NAKED!'''\
7	'''David:''' Hey! We were never naked.\
8	'''Montana:''' Well, we ''could'' have been!
9	** Another exchange:
10	--->'''David:''' Find Jeffrey Anderson... ''({{beat}})'' Can I touch your breasts?\
11	'''Montana:''' '''FIND HIM!'''
12	* The scene of Jeffrey's disastrous DinnerTheatre performance of ''Theatre/DeathOfASalesman''. It's a wonder he's even able to get through the play each night.
13	-->''[exterior shot of the dinner theatre marquee, which now reads "JEFF Y NDERSON IS WILLY LOMAN IN ''DEATH OF A SALESMAN''"; inside, Jeffrey and two younger actors playing Biff and Happy Loman are performing the play's first flashback scene]''\
14	'''Actor Playing Biff:''' Where'd you go this time, Pop?\
15	'''Jeffrey:''' ''[as Willy]'' Well, I went on the road and went north to Providence. Met the mayor!\
16	'''Actor Playing Biff:''' The mayor of Providence?\
17	'''Hard of Hearing Man:''' ''[loudly, to his wife]'' What'd he say?\
18	'''Hard of Hearing Man's Wife:''' The mayor.\
19	'''Hard of Hearing Man:''' Who?\
20	'''Hard of Hearing Man's Wife:''' The mayor of Providence!\
21	'''Hard of Hearing Man:''' WHO?\
22	'''Actor Playing Biff:''' ''[raising his voice]'' You said the mayor of Providence, Pop?\
23	'''Jeffrey:''' ''[yelling]'' YEAH! THE MAYOR OF PROVIDENCE! ''[walks to the front of the stage and yells toward the hard of hearing man]'' RHODE ISLAND!\
24	'''Female Patron:''' ''[accidentally upends her cup of coffee]'' Oh! ''[loudly]'' Waiter! Waiter! ''[she begins clinking her fork against her glass as David watches the play thoughtfully]''\
25	'''Jeffrey:''' He was sitting in the hotel lobby!\
26	'''Female Patron:''' Waiter! Waiter! ''[she continues clanking her fork against her glass as the waiters ignore her]''\
27	'''Actor Playing Biff:''' What'd he say?\
28	'''Jeffrey:''' ''[marches toward the female patron's table while trying not to break character]'' He said, "Morning!" I said, "You got a fine city here, mayor!" ''[he wipes up the spilled coffee]'' And then-\
29	'''Female Patron:''' You're doing so well up there!\
30	'''Jeffrey:''' ''[clearly not encouraged by the compliment]'' And then, I had a cup of coffee with him- ''[two busboys bump into each other, dropping their trays with a loud crash; they begin arguing]'' I WENT TO BOSTON! ''[puts his arms around the actors playing Biff and Happy, who look almost as put upon as Jeffrey]'' FINE CITY, BOSTON! GOT A COUPLE OF OTHER TOWNS IN MASS, PORTLAND, BANGOR, AND '''STRAIGHT HOOOME!!''' ''[by this point, he almost has Biff and Happy in a headlock]''\
31	'''Hard of Hearing Man:''' What is he yelling?
32	* Celeste accuses Jeffrey of being an egomaniac because he thinks she's jealous of Lori dating him.
33	-->'''Jeffrey:''' ''(practically giggling)'' Of course I'm an egomaniac! I have America's Sweetheart '''CLIMBING UP MY DRAINPIPE!'''
34	* Jeffrey and Celeste's kissing scene which he can't get right until [[GroinAttack she kicks him in the nuts]]. The joke is that while she's getting more and more turned on, he's acting like he feels nothing for her.
35	* Rose asking, "Why can't I write shit like this?" when Celeste has her big breakdown and confesses her dark secret to Jeffrey and Lori.
36	* The LiveEpisode quickly derails because Jeffrey [[BlindWithoutEm refuses to wear his glasses on camera.]] The fact that he is standing directly under a tasselled lantern and has to keep pushing the tassels off his forehead is icing on the cake.
37	-->'''Jeffrey:''' ''(preparing for his entrance)'' Here, hold those, I can't wear them. ''(hands his glasses to Tawny)''\
38	'''Tawny:''' ''(tries to hand them back)'' I think you need them...\
39	'''Jeffrey:''' ''(loud whisper)'' NO! They're ugly!\
40	'''Tawny:''' But your eyes-\
41	'''Technician:''' You're on! ''(hands Jeffrey an envelope)'' Go! Go, go! ''(Jeffrey leaves)''\
42	'''Tawny:''' ''(tries on Jeffrey's glasses and blinks incredulously)'' Oh my god, this guy's blind as a bat!...\
43	''(on set, Jeffrey makes his entrance)''\
44	'''Celeste:''' ''(as Maggie, reading teleprompter)'' Dr. Randall, what a surprise. Are you having lunch here?\
45	'''Jeffrey:''' ''(as Dr. Randall, reading teleprompter)'' I will if it's that sample. ''(Burton, the director, looks confused)'' Heh... ''(peers at teleprompter)'' I wish it was that simple.\
46	'''Edmund:''' ''(watching in his office)'' This guy never heard of contact lenses?\
47	'''Jeffrey:''' The test results have come back.\
48	'''Celeste:''' And?\
49	'''Jeffrey:''' And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. ''(reading teleprompter)'' It seems that... Angelique has a... rare case... of brake fluid. ''(squints)'' Bran fluid. Bran flavor.\
50	'''Burton:''' ''(whispers)'' Brain fever.\
51	'''David:''' ''(watching in Edmund's office)'' Brain fever.\
52	'''Edmund:''' ''SAY IT!''\
53	'''Celeste:''' ''(hisses)'' Brain fever!\
54	'''Jeffrey:''' ''(nods)'' Brain fever. Or, what we call in Austria... ''(he stares at the teleprompter in disbelief; Celeste looks at the teleprompter and gets a similar look on her face)'' ...''kopfgeschlagen.''[[note]][[TapOnTheHead a knock on the head]][[/note]] ''(looks quietly pleased with himself)'' At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the-\
55	'''Celeste:''' "Literally explode".\
56	'''Jeffrey:''' Exactly, within the next three houses-\
57	'''Celeste:''' "Hours".\
58	'''Jeffrey:''' Yes, will literally explode within the next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.\
59	'''Celeste:''' "The restaurant".\
60	'''Jeffrey:''' Restaurant, yes.\
61	'''Celeste:''' Her brain will actually explode?\
62	'''Jeffrey:''' Yes, I've, uh... ''(looks over his fingers at teleprompter)'' I've seen it happen. It's a dreadful... it's a dreadful, dreadful thug... thing.
63	* The climax of the plot.
64	-->'''Edmund:''' ''(watching in his office as the LiveEpisode slides into hasty improvisation)'' There's a nurse at the restaurant... did I miss a meeting!?
65	* Montana's hasty justification for her insistence on a brain transplant for Maggie/Celeste: "I also took an oath. The Nurse's Oath!"
66	-->'''Rose:''' ''(watching in disbelief)'' A ''Nurse's'' Oath?!
67	* Then, Lori breaking character to urge Celeste not to leave the show [[note]]Her character has been mute up to this point[[/note]]; she and Montana get into a brief HandWave war:
68	-->'''Montana:''' Sudden onset speech, the final stages of brain fever! She could go at any moment!\
69	'''Lori:''' I could always talk.
70	* Really, that whole last scene, what with everyone going completely [[OffTheRails off script]] in an attempt to engineer, each one, the outcome s/he desires, and the others [[OutGambitted trying to keep up with all the sudden changes]].
71

Context Funny / Soapdish