Line #43 Funny/DMOfTheRings


1	The entire series, really. Each comic is bound to have at least one of these.
2	----
3	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=680 The party reaches the Doors of Durin, the West-gate of Moria]] and Gandalf reads the inscription ("SpeakFriendAndEnter"). Instead of attempting to solve the riddle, [[CuttingTheKnot the party tries all manner of ways to get past the door]], such as forcing it open, burning it, and building a battering ram. Eventually the DM gets fed up:
4	-->'''Gandalf:''' Oh for crying out loud! The password is '''mellon''', you lunatics!
5	* Boromir, completely fed up with the railroading, [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=814 decides to die and leave the game]] and gives this gem:
6	--> '''Boromir:''' This is the first time in the whole campaign I've felt really free to make my own choices. I kinda like it.
7	--> '''DM:''' But you're dead!
8	--> '''Boromir:''' And you can't force me to do anything!
9	--> '''DM:''' And decomposing!
10	--> '''Boromir:''' Of my own free will!
11	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=850 Gimli vs. diplomacy]]:
12	-->'''Gimli''': Ahem...TELL ME YOUR NAME, [[BestialityIsDepraved HORSE]]-[[CurseCutShort F—]]\
13	'''Aragorn''': [[NarrativeProfanityFilter GIMLI]]!\
14	'''Gimli''': And I'll tell ye mine.\
15	'''Aragorn''': What are you doing, man?!\
16	'''Gimli''': [--Heh. Whoops. [[CriticalFailure I rolled a 1 on my diplomacy check]].--]
17	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=887 This wonderful bit of snark]]:
18	--> '''DM:''' Near the smoking pile of orc bodies, you find a small set of tracks...
19	--> '''Legolas:''' Tracks?
20	--> '''Aragorn:''' {{Railroad\|ing}} tracks, I'm sure.
21	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=922 When the party arrives at Edoras]] and are asked to disarm before meeting King Theoden, the players [[OffTheRails throw the scene in disarray]] by telling Gandalf to go first. Of course, he pulls the "walking stick" excuse, leading to this:
22	--> '''Gimli:''' [[ImplausibleDeniability This be no axe lad.]] It's a dwarven walking stick with a really big headpiece. We like 'em heavy. And sharp.\
23	'''Aragorn:''' [[BlatantLies Metal walking stick.]] I've got a bad back.\
24	'''Legolas:''' Walking stick. [[RefugeInAudacity And a quiver of little walking sticks.]]
25	** Bonus points for the looks on [[OhCrap Gandalf's]] and [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Hama's]] faces.
26	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=962 "Remember the]] [[ObviouslyEvil nasty old guy who dressed in black? Named Wormtongue?]] [[SarcasmMode Brace yourself for a shock, laddie:]] [[CaptainObvious he was a spy."]]
27	-->'''Aragorn''': [[DeadpanSnarker What a total surprise. We never saw that one coming.]]
28	* [[https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1014 Gimli's life hinges on whether an orc succeeded or failed on its attack roll]], but unfortunately the die fell behind the computer, making it impossible to tell what it landed on, and equally impossible to move the computer without shifting the die.
29	-->'''Gimli:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight So let me see if I follow this:]] [[UsefulNotes/SchrodingersCat I am either alive or dead, based on the state of a die which we cannot observe without altering.]] Do I now exist in both states at once? Am I both living ''and'' dead? ''([[RedEyesTakeWarning eyes glowing red]] and skin turning pallid)'' Have I become some sort of UNCERTAINTY LICH?
30	* [[http://shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1125 The players guessing what Ents look like]]:
31	--> '''Aragorn''': [[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIVOblivion Oblivion]] had Dryads in it. \
32	'''Gimli''': They were called Spriggans, actually.\
33	'''Aragorn''': Whatever you call them. They're like sexy tree ladies.\
34	'''Legolas''': Sexy? I thought they had leaves for hair. And bark skin.\
35	'''Aragorn''': Yeah, but they're ALL chicks. NAKED Chicks. Leafy, naked tree chicks.\
36	'''Gimli''': Ye need help lad. Ye really do. Keep this up and you'll end up with Dutch Elm Disease.\
37	'''DM''': You enter through the ruined gate and find yourselves face-to-face with Treebeard the Ent.\
38	'''Treebeard''': ''[[FanDisservice (in all his elderly, gnarly, booming glory)]]'' '''hoom hoom welcome to Isengard'''\
39	'''Gimli''': [[JawDrop Words fail me.]]\
40	'''Aragorn''': Okay I admit... that is somewhat less sexy than I'd hoped.
41	* [[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1148 A Minor Omission]]: When the DM realizes Aragorn hasn't had Anduril since Rivendell (as in the books)
42	--> '''Aragorn:''' That never happened, man. Sounds like you forgot.
43	--> '''DM:''' You mean I didn't?... '''''OH CRAP!'''''
44	--> '''DM:''' Okay, suddenly Lord Elrond shows up at your camp.
45	--> '''Elrond:''' ''[[MoodDissonance (with a completely serious face)]]'' Hi.
46	--> '''DM:''' He gives you the sword.
47	--> '''Elrond:''' [[ParrotExposition Here is the sword.]] And keep your hands off my daughter.
48	--> '''DM:''' [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Then he leaves.]] Okay, so ''now'' you wield Anduril.
49	--> '''Aragorn:''' '''''SWEET SMOKING CONAN!''''' Will you look at the stats on this sword! I was supposed to have this all along?
50	* The trap in the Paths of the Dead:
51	--> '''DM:''' ''[[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1203 The walls crack open,]] and [[NothingButSkulls thousands of skulls]] are unleashed!''\
52	'''Gimli:''' I'll bet this was a [[DeadpanSnarker robust culture]]. Imagine their funerals. "Oops. Granny's dead, let's lop off her head and chuck it into the big bin to be dropped on adventurers."\
53	'''DM:''' ''The skulls continue to pour in, filling the room and threatening to crush your nitpicking, over-analyzing characters.''
54	* [[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1282 Aragorn's brilliant military leadership.]]
55	-->'''Soldier:''' You totally suck, Aragorn.

Context Funny / DMOfTheRings