| 1 | %% |
| 2 | %% Empty folders have been commented out. Do not uncomment them without putting examples in them. |
| 3 | %% |
| 4 | [[quoteright:980:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/fg_mgrjvqaacdoy.jpeg]] |
| 5 | [[caption-width-right:980:To be fair, that's not an uncommon reaction to Creator/JamesCorden.]] |
| 6 | |
| 7 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 8 | |
| 9 | [[folder:Titanic: The Legend Goes On]] |
| 10 | * Her reaction to the rapping dog. |
| 11 | --> '''Diva:''' Even if you ignore the fact that this is a rapping dog, in 1912, on the damn Titanic, it's still so random and absurd that it defies explanation. |
| 12 | * Dubbing many an AwardBaitSong over the movie's one. |
| 13 | * In the commentary track, Christi on the well-endowed singer: |
| 14 | --> '''Diva:''' With those flotation devices in her chest, she probably survived the sinking. Seriously, some Italian animator was indulging himself! |
| 15 | [[/folder]] |
| 16 | |
| 17 | [[folder:Lost Horizon]] |
| 18 | * "That's the crappiest inspiration speech I've ever heard, bye! [[SuicideAsComedy AAAAAUGH!]]" |
| 19 | * The lyrics of "Living Together, Growing Together" inspire Diva to dub [[Music/RebeccaBlack "Friday"]] over it. |
| 20 | * The High Lama is compared to [[Franchise/StarWars Emperor Palpatine]]. |
| 21 | * "You're not supposed [[HairTriggerAvalanche to scream at an avalanche zone]], you dumbasssssssss!" |
| 22 | * Dubbing the [[StockScream Goofy scream]] over Richard falling off a cliff. |
| 23 | [[/folder]] |
| 24 | |
| 25 | [[folder:Mamma Mia!]] |
| 26 | * Diva annoyed with being earwormed by Music/{{ABBA}}. |
| 27 | [[/folder]] |
| 28 | |
| 29 | [[folder:Romeo and Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss]] |
| 30 | * Diva cheering when the annoying comic relief seemingly dies. |
| 31 | * While the seals are mourning Romeo and Juliet's "deaths", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is used as a funeral dirge. Diva wonders what songs they went through before deciding on that. |
| 32 | --> '''Diva:''' ''[singing mournfully]'' If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands... |
| 33 | [[/folder]] |
| 34 | |
| 35 | [[folder:From Justin to Kelly]] |
| 36 | * The RunningGag where Diva thinks the story is over, but no, it's just bad writing. |
| 37 | [[/folder]] |
| 38 | |
| 39 | [[folder:Repo! The Genetic Opera]] |
| 40 | * Diva's struggle to say Terrance Zdunich's name. |
| 41 | --> '''Diva:''' And for Lucifer's sake, Terrance, buy yourself another vowel! |
| 42 | * Diva dubs in dialogue from another hologram lady when Blind Mag shows Shilo a hologram of her dead mother. |
| 43 | --> '''Princess Leia:''' Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. |
| 44 | * When Nathan overhears Rotti's plan to make Shilo his heir: |
| 45 | --> '''Nathan:''' ''[aside, facing the viewer]'' So Rotti thinks he can take Shilo... |
| 46 | --> '''Shilo!Diva:''' Dad, are you breaking the fourth wall again?\ |
| 47 | '''Nathan!Diva:''' Shh, go back to sleep, honey. |
| 48 | [[/folder]] |
| 49 | |
| 50 | [[folder:Jekyll and Hyde]] |
| 51 | * One of Diva's issues with Jekyll's plan to separate the good and evil halves of people is how many demons it would put out of a job. |
| 52 | --> '''Diva:''' Not to mention all the hard-working demons who would be out of a job. Who's looking out for them, huh?! A lot of people are employed by the evil industry, Dr. Jekyll, and we don't need your nanny state policies making things worse for middle inferno! |
| 53 | * After Lucy comes to meet Jekyll for the second time: |
| 54 | --> '''Lucy:''' Lucy Harris? I'm the one that you and your friend met that night. |
| 55 | --> '''Jekyll:''' Oh... Yes. I, uh... |
| 56 | --> '''Jekyll!Diva:''' I didn't recognize you with your clothes on. Uhh, I mean... |
| 57 | * Diva dubs in the "dramatic chipmunk" music (aka a cue from ''Film/YoungFrankenstein'') when Lucy reveals her violent customer was named Hyde. |
| 58 | * At the end of Act I, after Hyde murders the bishop, Diva [[MoodWhiplash abruptly cuts to the intermission music from]] ''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail''. |
| 59 | * During the critique of "Murder, Murder" Diva comments on the umbrella-centric choreography. |
| 60 | --> '''Diva:''' This bit looks like the Hell Community Theater Production of ''Film/MaryPoppins''. No, seriously, I would know, I was in the chorus. I had a lot of fun on that production. |
| 61 | * This little dig when Utterson confronts Hyde in Jekyll's lab. |
| 62 | --> '''Hyde:''' What's the matter? You afraid of science, huh? You afraid of the truth?! |
| 63 | --> '''Utterson!Diva:''' Of course I am, I'm a Republican! |
| 64 | * Diva notes that Jekyll doesn't seem to have a problem with Hyde killing people Jekyll isn't attracted to. |
| 65 | --> '''Hyde:''' ''[murders the bishop]'' |
| 66 | --> '''Jekyll!Diva:''' He had it coming. |
| 67 | --> '''Hyde:''' You really shouldn't wear your diamonds on the street! ''[grabs Lady Beaconsfield by the throat]'' You never know whom you may encounter. |
| 68 | --> '''Jekyll!Diva:''' Oh, I never really liked her anyway. |
| 69 | --> '''Hyde:''' Sympathy... ''[stabs Lucy]'' Tenderness... |
| 70 | --> '''Jekyll!Diva:''' [[BigNo Noooo]], I was boning her! [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone Oh god, what have I done?!]] |
| 71 | [[/folder]] |
| 72 | |
| 73 | [[folder:Joyful Noise]] |
| 74 | * "I happen to like gospel music. What, just because I'm a hellspawn I must listen only to death metal and Music/JustinBieber?" Followed by a representative of Heaven profanely clearing Diva to do ''Joyful Music''. |
| 75 | * Following all the cornpone dialogue: |
| 76 | -->Like my brood mammy said: Don't tie a knot in my tail and say it's a horn polisher. |
| 77 | * Diva punctuates Mr. Hsu's [[OutWithABang death]] with an appropriate [[Recap/TorchwoodS1E2DayOne scene from]] ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'' |
| 78 | -->'''Earla:''' ''[[OhCrap Mr. Hsu!!]]'' |
| 79 | -->''(cut to the cast of Torchwood)'' |
| 80 | -->'''Tosh:''' Oh my god! |
| 81 | -->'''Gwen:''' He just-- |
| 82 | -->'''Jack:''' Came and went. |
| 83 | [[/folder]] |
| 84 | |
| 85 | [[folder:Mame]] |
| 86 | * Diva can't think of a punishment and believes she's going soft... then it turns out that ''Film/ThePhantomOfTheOpera2004'' is the next movie. Cue EvilLaugh. |
| 87 | [[/folder]] |
| 88 | |
| 89 | [[folder:The Phantom of the Opera]] |
| 90 | * When she introduces Creator/GerardButler's performance of the Phantom, she has this to say: |
| 91 | --> '''Diva:''' [[OhMyGods Sweet Lucifer!]] Is somebody torturing a buffalo with laryngitis out there?! |
| 92 | * In regards to why Carlotta was cast in the lead role: "The audience loves her. Their big patron loves her. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick The insane extortionist in the cellars loves her.]] [[DeadpanSnarker So why not cast Christine and make everybody happy?"]] |
| 93 | * After Carlotta speaks in [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent her "Italian" accent]]... |
| 94 | --> '''Diva:''' Where does Creator/MinnieDriver think Carlotta is from, North Theatre/WestSideStory? |
| 95 | * When Raoul is about to stab Erik and Christine begs him not to, she parodies "You Make The Call". And later: |
| 96 | --> '''Diva:''' Well, I wanted to just stab him in the graveyard but ''nooOOOOooo''... |
| 97 | * Her reaction to the next item on her case list: The filmed performance of ''Theatre/LoveNeverDies'': |
| 98 | --> [[OhCrap "Oh,]] [[PrecisionFStrike fuck..."]] |
| 99 | [[/folder]] |
| 100 | |
| 101 | [[folder:Love Never Dies]] |
| 102 | * "The Beneath a Moonless Sky" [[RuleThirtyFour parody]]. ([[http://raphael2054.tumblr.com/post/67015088093/beneath-a-moonless-sky-new-improved-lyrics full, as NSFW as it gets, lyrics]]) |
| 103 | * "Oh forget it. If I point out all of the ways this doesn't match up to the original, we'll be here until I need snow boots." |
| 104 | * Diva demonstrating how dated "The Beauty Underneath" is by playing it over a clip from a mid-80s Creator/DavidCopperfield show. As she notes, it fits right in. |
| 105 | ** Diva offers an alternative response for Gustav in said song. |
| 106 | ---> '''Phantom:''' ''When you stare behind the night''\ |
| 107 | ''Can you glimpse its primal might?''\ |
| 108 | ''Might you hunger to possess''\ |
| 109 | ''Hunger that you can't repress?'' |
| 110 | --->'''Gustav:''' [[BigYES Yes!]] |
| 111 | ---> '''Diva:''' No, Gustav. Your line is: "I NEED AN ADULT!" |
| 112 | * When Christine is bribed by the Phantom with a shiny necklace, Diva looks on all past fictional examples of how men who gift jewelry to the heroine are '[[SarcasmMode nice and trustworthy]]', which includes [[Film/MoulinRouge the Duke]], [[Film/Titanic1997 Cal Hockley]] and '''''[[Film/Legend1985 THE LORD OF DARKNESS]]'''''! |
| 113 | ---> |
| 114 | --->'''Diva:''' (After the montage of how men who gift jewelry aren't necessarily good people) Well, that settles it Christine: you're a [[HorribleJudgeOfCharacter moron]]. |
| 115 | [[/folder]] |
| 116 | |
| 117 | [[folder:Chitty Chitty Bang Bang]] |
| 118 | * Diva is the first to admit that the film is an oddball on the [=CVs=] of its creators: |
| 119 | -->'''Diva:''' Time for some word association. When I say Creator/IanFleming and Creator/AlbertRBroccoli, what do you think of?\ |
| 120 | ''[publicity photo of Creator/SeanConnery as Franchise/JamesBond]''\ |
| 121 | '''Diva:''' Naturally. Now, what if I were to say Ian Fleming, Albert R. Broccoli, and crazy cars?\ |
| 122 | ''[poster for ''Film/TheSpyWhoLovedMe'']''\ |
| 123 | '''Diva:''' Mmm, perhaps I need to be more specific. Ian Fleming, Albert R. Broccoli, crazy cars, and Creator/DickVanDyke. Oh, and Creator/RoaldDahl.\ |
| 124 | ''[close-up of someone smoking a joint]''\ |
| 125 | '''Diva:''' Fair point, but I was aiming for our next offender, ''Film/ChittyChittyBangBang''. |
| 126 | * The series of {{Flat What}}s that pop up as the [[SerialEscalation action portion]] of the film suddenly begins out of nowhere: |
| 127 | -->'''Mr. Potts:''' That just isn't any old boat out there... That is the private yacht of the notorious Baron Bomburst! |
| 128 | -->''(cut to the boat where said Baron screams to his men about wanting old Chitty)'' |
| 129 | -->'''Diva:''' Ummm... ''[[FlatWhat what?]]'' |
| 130 | -->'''Mr. Potts:''' ...What none of us have noticed is that while we've been sitting here, the tide has been coming in... Now, we're completely cut off! |
| 131 | -->''(cue the camera zooming out to reveal that Chitty is caught in the middle of the ocean)'' |
| 132 | -->'''[[Series/TheMuppetShow Sam Eagle:]]''' ...'''What?''' |
| 133 | -->''(cue Chitty suddenly becoming a hovercraft)'' |
| 134 | -->'''[[Recap/DoctorWhoS28E13Doomsday The Tenth Doctor:]]''' ...'''''WHAT?''''' |
| 135 | * Diva's horrified reaction to the Childcatcher, particularly his long prosthetic nose. Which leads to a TemptingFate pile-up: |
| 136 | -->'''Diva:''' UGHH! Seriously, mortals! Why do you put traumatising stuff like this into your children's movies all the time? Is it to keep therapists in business? ''[insert of the ''[[ComicStrip/TheFarSide Far Side]]'' comic in which a patient is talking to a therapist who has written "Just plain nuts!" (triple underlined) on his pad]'' What's next? A scene of the Baron and Baroness' bedroom antics? ''[a scene showing exactly that starts playing]'' OHHH!... Well, at least they're not calling each other cutesy- ''[the Baron and Baroness begin singing "Chu-Chi Face"]'' I ''really'' need to learn to stop doing that... |
| 137 | [[/folder]] |
| 138 | |
| 139 | [[folder:The King and I]] |
| 140 | * The long sequence of cameos trying to pronounce Prince Chulalongkorn's name. |
| 141 | ** "Chutes and Ladders?" |
| 142 | ** "Prince... [[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Zuko]]. No, wait..." |
| 143 | ** "Let's just call him [[Music/{{Prince}} this]]." |
| 144 | * "Or maybe it's [[WalkingShirtlessScene Chewie's impressive six-pack]] that wins her over." |
| 145 | * The DancePartyEnding. |
| 146 | [[/folder]] |
| 147 | |
| 148 | [[folder:Sunday School Musical]] |
| 149 | * Diva suggests that reviewing the film might constitute a conflict of interest, but it's apparently "the other side" already has it on its "disavowed" list, which reads... |
| 150 | -->'''H.I. [-HAS NO ASSOCIATION WITH-], [-OR RESPONSIBILITY FOR-]:'''\ |
| 151 | Creator/JackChick\ |
| 152 | al-Qaeda\ |
| 153 | Those Osmond tools\ |
| 154 | ''Sunday School Musical''\ |
| 155 | That one weird bit in Ezeikiel [''sic''] with the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophanim flaming wheel,]] seriously, what shit was that guy smoking...? |
| 156 | * The music is so bland that [[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S10E02GirlInGoldBoots Mike Nelson's sad song]] starts being played on top of it. |
| 157 | * The Crossroads Choir's first demonstration has Diva begging for anything else. Cue "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF2o5RDkq9A a video]] that makes Music/RebeccaBlack's Music/{{Friday}} look like [[Music/{{Beyonce}} Lemonade]]". |
| 158 | -->'''Diva:''' Eh, good enough. |
| 159 | [[/folder]] |
| 160 | |
| 161 | [[folder:The Pirate Movie]] |
| 162 | * Her reaction to the Pirate King's rather... fancy codpiece. |
| 163 | * "Who said, 'Hey, you know what this pirate adventure comedy needs? Singing fish that turn into Music/{{The Rolling Stones|Band}} logo!'" |
| 164 | * "Just roll the verdict before I turn this "Happy Ending" into the Fifth Circle!" |
| 165 | [[/folder]] |
| 166 | |
| 167 | [[folder:Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band]] |
| 168 | * "Strawberry Fields. Her parents wanted her to become either a stripper or [[Film/QuantumOfSolace a Bond Girl]]." |
| 169 | * "So they set off to Los Angeles in a hot air balloon... CantBelieveISaidThat." |
| 170 | * Diva's description of the Lonely Hearts Club Band's rise to fame references the BiggerThanJesus scandal from Music/TheBeatles' heyday: |
| 171 | -->'''Diva:''' So, the next morning...\ |
| 172 | '''Caption:''' '''"T[-HE VERY NEXT MORNING-], [-THE BAND BEGINS A DIFFICULT ONE-]-[-WEEK CLIMB FROM OBSCURITY TO STARDOM-]."'''\ |
| 173 | '''Diva:''' ''[bored]'' Oh, what they said. You get the picture. Band cuts an album, it's a hit, and voilà, [[BiggerThanJesus bigger than the opposition's kid]]. |
| 174 | * Diva snarks that the bizarre choreography for Creator/SteveMartin's performance of "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" (recorded in the heyday of his "wild and crazy guy" persona) was probably written in the script as "[[HarpoDoesSomethingFunny Steve Martin acts crazy]]". |
| 175 | * Diva finally loses patience with the film's captions predicting her own narration. |
| 176 | -->'''Diva:''' So, later that-\ |
| 177 | '''Caption:''' '''"L[-ATER-]... [-THAT EVENING-]"'''\ |
| 178 | '''Diva:''' Oh, will you stop that!? |
| 179 | * The hot air balloon returns! |
| 180 | -->'''Diva:''' Seriously. What is it with you guys and hot air balloons? You can take my word for it, the internal combustion engine is ''not'' the tool of the Devil! UsefulNotes/{{NASCAR}}, on the other hand, you'd ''better'' believe our claws are all over ''that''. |
| 181 | * We finally meet the mysterious FVB, the Future Villain Band, and... |
| 182 | -->'''Diva:''' It's Music/{{Aerosmith}}?? Hm. Funny. I thought the musical embodiment of all evil would look more like something on the Creator/{{Disney}} payroll. ''[publicity shot of Film/TheCheetahGirls]'' |
| 183 | * In the aftermath of Steven Tyler's villain falling to his death, Strawberry Fields falls after him, leading Diva to quip, [[QuipToBlack "So much for Strawberry Fields forever."]] Cue [[Music/TheWho Roger Daltrey screaming]] '''''[[Music/TheWho "YEAAAAHHHHH!"]]''''' over a publicity shot of a sunglasses-clad David Caruso as Horatio Caine in ''Series/CSIMiami''. |
| 184 | [[/folder]] |
| 185 | |
| 186 | [[folder:At Long Last Love]] |
| 187 | * Diva's constant annoyance at the boring characters, lack of conflict, and plagiarized moments. |
| 188 | [[/folder]] |
| 189 | |
| 190 | [[folder:Rent]] |
| 191 | * Diva can only manifest herself as toys and plush animals (though apparently she's better than "the guys in the second circle that... well, you'll never feel comfortable walking into a Fascinations store again"). So she's a plush horse. Even if means "wasting [[IncomingHam a perfectly good intro]]". |
| 192 | * "Is this a sin?" "For it to be a sin, [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible I need to know what it is]]." |
| 193 | * "This makes me want to run naked across the killing fields of Cambodia!" |
| 194 | [[/folder]] |
| 195 | |
| 196 | [[folder:Grease 2]] |
| 197 | * "''Ugh'', [[CallBack it's like an entire chorus of]] Creator/{{Pierce Brosnan}}s!" |
| 198 | * During the intro, Diva gets very personal, recalling when she was dumped for a "Second Circle tramp with perfectly-manicured hooves and huge horns that you know are fake". |
| 199 | * The credits have Diva saying musical sequels are the worst. Cue next episode: ''Shock Treatment''. |
| 200 | -->'''Diva:''' Jumping Beelzebub on a pogo stick! |
| 201 | [[/folder]] |
| 202 | |
| 203 | [[folder:Shock Treatment]] |
| 204 | * "This is the most convoluted villain plan I've ever seen that isn't going to be interrupted by WesternAnimation/ScoobyDoo." |
| 205 | * "Ready, set..." SIN #7: *{{Facepalm}}* |
| 206 | * Her reaction to the lyrics of "Denton, USA" pairing the lines [[PainfulRhyme "life of leisure" and "whole lot to please ya."]] |
| 207 | -->'''Diva:''' *smack sound* Bad Richard O'Brien! Bad lyricist! No biscuit! |
| 208 | [[/folder]] |
| 209 | |
| 210 | [[folder:The Ten Commandments]] |
| 211 | * The electronically-altered, droning voiceover used for God's voice inspires the complaint "That's not the Almighty, it's a [[Series/DoctorWho Dalek]]!" Just to rub it in, the [[Recap/DoctorWhoS27E13ThePartingOfTheWays Emperor Dalek's]] "[[AC:Do not blaspheme! ''Do not blaspheme!'']]" is added to said voiceover. |
| 212 | * How Diva likens handling the faux-baby props in the opening sequence to passing around a football. |
| 213 | --> She's at the thirty-five, ''FUMBLE'' at the thirty-yard line by Rivkah! Deshti picks it up but he gets a knife at the throat, but the babe is loose and is picked up by Elohim! He ''COULD! GO! ALL! THE! WAY!'' |
| 214 | * Diva compares Ramses and Moses's arguing over the fate of the Jews in the Plagues of Egypt sequence to [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck]]'s DuckSeasonRabbitSeason. |
| 215 | [[/folder]] |
| 216 | |
| 217 | [[folder:Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]] |
| 218 | * Diva's extended wrath at "Wonderful Christmastime". |
| 219 | --> Damn you, Music/PaulMcCartney! Damn you to here! |
| 220 | * Diva using the line "I hate this fucking song" from ''Film/MajorLeague'' as a ReactionShot to the above song. |
| 221 | * In reference to Richard Simmons voicing one of the comic relief characters, Diva asides that "the Third Circle really outdid themselves with that guy." |
| 222 | [[/folder]] |
| 223 | |
| 224 | [[folder:Can't Stop the Music]] |
| 225 | * A woman who looks like Creator/TimCurry is dubbed over with Dr. Frank-N-Furter. |
| 226 | * A guy with fire batons describing himself as "flaming" earns the comment "no, that's too easy, even for me". |
| 227 | * "You can't stop the music!" |
| 228 | --> '''Caption:''' CHALLENGE ACCEPTED |
| 229 | [[/folder]] |
| 230 | |
| 231 | [[folder:Xanadu]] |
| 232 | * The problems regarding Michael's dream recording studio: |
| 233 | -->Hey boy, could you turn off the bloody fan?\ |
| 234 | Dry ice? ''[cough]'' Who ordered dry ice?\ |
| 235 | No, I'm not dangling from a wire, I'm trying to record an album, not play Peter fucking Pan! Fuck it, I'll go back and trash my hotel room. |
| 236 | [[/folder]] |
| 237 | |
| 238 | [[folder:Rock and Rule]] |
| 239 | * When the demon is summoned: |
| 240 | --> '''Diva:''' Oh, this is so embarrassing... I used to date that guy. |
| 241 | * Describing Mok as "the mummified corpse of Angelina Jolie." |
| 242 | ** She also calls him the "love child of [[Franchise/DoctorWho the Master]] and [[Film/SunsetBoulevard Norma Desmond.]]" |
| 243 | * Her reaction to "Nuke York." |
| 244 | --> '''Diva:''' You don't know how much I wish I'd misspoke that. |
| 245 | * Earlier, Diva had declared that one more bad pun like "Nuke York" would get it put on the sin counter. On learning of "Club 666," the sin counter pops up with a question mark, and Diva decides it's not actually a pun, just an "ooh look, how SATANIC" reference. |
| 246 | ** Don't worry, though - Carnage Hall (spelled that way, but pronounced "Carnagie") leads to her calling the sin. |
| 247 | [[/folder]] |
| 248 | |
| 249 | [[folder:Rock of Ages]] |
| 250 | * Diva's cry of shock over Stacey Jaxx's very noticeable codpiece. |
| 251 | [[/folder]] |
| 252 | |
| 253 | [[folder:A Little Night Music]] |
| 254 | * Diva ''nails'' the dull visual look of this film by comparing it to a [[Creator/TheBBC BBC miniseries]] of TheSeventies.[[note]] Though the still shot she uses to illustrate this is not from the 1970s, but from a 2008 adaptation of ''Literature/LittleDorrit'' with Creator/ClaireFoy in the title role.[[/note]] |
| 255 | * "Send In the Clowns" with many a MonsterClown superimposed. |
| 256 | [[/folder]] |
| 257 | |
| 258 | %%[[folder:Spice World]] |
| 259 | %%* Diva's continued annoyance at the RandomEventsPlot. |
| 260 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 261 | |
| 262 | [[folder:The Music Man]] |
| 263 | * Diva tries to escape her job, and relax watching ''Theatre/TheMusicMan''. Then the 2002 version starts to creep in. Once [[https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/06/hugh-jackman-ll-cool-j-and-ti-rapped-the-opening-number-from-the-music-man/372398/ the rap version]] is forced on her, she gives up and agrees to review the remake. |
| 264 | [[/folder]] |
| 265 | |
| 266 | [[folder:Happily Ever After]] |
| 267 | * The reveal that Mother Nature lives at Gay Pride Falls. |
| 268 | * In regards to The Realm of Doom: |
| 269 | --> '''Diva:''' Why do villains choose such obviously evil names for their home turf? If I were an evil overlord, I'd call my realm Happy Fluffy Bunny Land just to confuse the heroes. |
| 270 | * When Diva narrates how the "Prince" reveals himself as Lord Maliss, she cuts off the "What a Twist" clip because she doesn't think it deserves the honor of the "plot twist" gag. |
| 271 | [[/folder]] |
| 272 | |
| 273 | [[folder:Paint Your Wagon]] |
| 274 | * "Creator/LeeMarvin does sound like a grumpy old man who's drunk all the time. The problem is, no one wants to hear ''that''." Then she uses [[CreatorCameo a clip of Christi on]] ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' to say his singing is monotonous. |
| 275 | * One of the songs makes Diva conclude on what inspired Creator/ClintEastwood to do his empty chair bit in the 2012 GOP convention. |
| 276 | * Diva swooning whenever [[ClassicallyTrainedExtra Harve Presnell]], whom she proclaims as the movie's Saving Grace, opens his mouth to sing. |
| 277 | [[/folder]] |
| 278 | |
| 279 | [[folder:I Kissed a Vampire]] |
| 280 | * Diva showing up in the form of flames in a tablet. |
| 281 | ** She announces that [=JessWorld=] shall be forced to review a musical with dramatic music and zoom-in... on the tablet. |
| 282 | ** Frustrated by the NotWhatItLooksLike ThirdActMisunderstanding, Diva asks [=JessWorld=] to slap the tablet since she feels the need for a FacePalm but doesn't have claws to do it herself. He accidentally slaps it off the shelf it's sitting on. |
| 283 | * Diva and [=JessWorld=] question how Dylan is able to tell his para-psychologist about what Sarah was doing when he wasn't around to see it. |
| 284 | -->'''Psychologist!Diva:''' So Dylan, what happened after you ran away from your sort-of girlfriend in a blind panic? |
| 285 | -->'''Dylan![=JessWorld=]:''' Well Sarah stayed behind and sang this terrible pop number while random strangers danced behind her for a few minutes. I think the song was about relationships or something, but the lyrics were pretty vague. |
| 286 | -->'''Psychologist!Diva:''' How do you... |
| 287 | -->'''Dylan![=JessWorld=]:''' Don't question my vampire powers! They're mine... |
| 288 | [[/folder]] |
| 289 | |
| 290 | [[folder:The Apple]] |
| 291 | * Diva's reaction to the literal DeusExMachina finale, heralded by a gold Rolls-Royce descending from the skies. |
| 292 | -->'''Diva:''' Lilith's tits! |
| 293 | * Diva admits the movie is SoBadItsGood and asks why there is no midnight movie following like ''Rocky Horror''. In response, she's assigned to review ''The Swan Princess Christmas''. |
| 294 | -->'''Diva:''' Me and my big maw. |
| 295 | [[/folder]] |
| 296 | |
| 297 | [[folder:The Swan Princess Christmas]] |
| 298 | * "For obvious reasons, Hell doesn't celebrate Christmas. But there's always been a dark side for the holidays, ever since King Herod indulged in infanticide. Wonder why that tradition never caught on." |
| 299 | * Diva's reactions to the movie's lousy (nightmarish) animation. |
| 300 | ** First: |
| 301 | --->'''Diva:''' So, let's examine the case of '''[[OhMyGods OHSWEETLUCIFER]]'''''[=DESTROYIT=]'''''[[KillItWithFire KILLITWITHFIRE]]''''''AAAAGH!!!!!'''\ |
| 302 | '''Sin #1:''' '''NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE''' |
| 303 | ** While the camera is focused on Odette's mouth: "Hey, I can see my house from here!" |
| 304 | * Her response to hearing Number 9's want to be rewarded a set of new nine lives for helping [[BigBad Rothbart]] be brought back to life, along with putting up a picture of [=StarClan=] cats saying "Noo lifs. U cannot haz". |
| 305 | -->Dude, I don't think [[Literature/WarriorCats StarClan]]'s gonna okay that. |
| 306 | [[/folder]] |
| 307 | |
| 308 | [[folder:Geppetto]] |
| 309 | * Before changing the background to the one with the lady devil, Diva is really tempted to use a Creator/HughJackman wallpaper instead. |
| 310 | * After Geppetto has an {{Anvilicious}} talk and song about fathers putting pressure on their sons with Lizardo, who mentions that his own father is going to be so disappointed in him: |
| 311 | -->And that, children, was how Geppetto adopted a 28-year-old black man as his son. |
| 312 | * Diva deciding to dub lies of her own over Pinocchio's ("Gamergate was all about the ethics of gaming journalism!" "[=YouTube=] comments are a great source of insightful opinion!"). |
| 313 | [[/folder]] |
| 314 | |
| 315 | [[folder:The Singing Detective]] |
| 316 | * Backstory Trauma Bingo. |
| 317 | [[/folder]] |
| 318 | |
| 319 | [[folder:Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return]] |
| 320 | * Her reaction to the way Dorothy is summoned back to Oz. |
| 321 | --> '''Diva:''' But no sooner has she finished the song, which is already fading from the audience’s memory, that a rainbow wants to taste ''her''. |
| 322 | * Said reaction is immediately followed up by the following, and equally brilliant, line: |
| 323 | --> '''Diva:''' There is no way you're going a rainbow look threatening to anyone who isn't a Fox News anchor. |
| 324 | * Diva torturing WebVideo/AniMat with the DerangedAnimation. |
| 325 | [[/folder]] |
| 326 | |
| 327 | [[folder:Tentacolino]] |
| 328 | * The "crowd sourced recap" of ''The Legend of the Titanic''. |
| 329 | * Being a [[MilestoneCelebration 3rd anniversary special]], Diva ends the episode with a hilarious song about ''Musical Hell''. |
| 330 | [[/folder]] |
| 331 | |
| 332 | [[folder:Musical Hell TV: Secret of Anastasia]] |
| 333 | * The tsarina has a [[PottyDance peculiar pose]] in her portrait. |
| 334 | -->'''Narrator:''' She was very beautiful- |
| 335 | -->'''Diva:''' But she really needed the little tsarina's room. |
| 336 | * When the [[AnimateInanimateObject talking instruments]] show up for the first time: |
| 337 | -->'''Tuba:''' Getting better all the time! |
| 338 | -->'''Diva as Anastasia:''' Thank you, and by that I mean [[NightmareFuel AAAAAAAAAAAAH!]] |
| 339 | * When Tuba scolds Cello and Accordion for quarreling: |
| 340 | -->'''Tuba:''' All of you behave yourselves! We're a proper quartet, not some common street band! |
| 341 | -->'''Diva:''' Yeah, act like dignified abominations of nature! |
| 342 | * "This is no neighborhood watch! This is no welcome wagon!" [[Music/TalkingHeads "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!"]] |
| 343 | * Diva makes a lot of jokes about how the twist regarding the talking instruments is too easy to guess. |
| 344 | -->'''Tuba:''' I remember an Ikonovitch! |
| 345 | -->'''Diva as Tuba:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I-I mean, I'm not the dead Tsar!]] |
| 346 | * Vladimir unknowingly negotiates with Tuba, believing he is talking to Anastasia even though she and Tuba sound nothing alike. |
| 347 | -->'''Tuba:''' Tell you what: split the difference, twenty percent. |
| 348 | -->'''Vladimir:''' Deal! |
| 349 | -->'''Vladimir!Diva:''' And may I say, you have a lovely baritone. |
| 350 | * When they start ordering food: |
| 351 | -->'''Harp:''' Now children, behave. |
| 352 | -->'''Cello:''' You're right. Perhaps we should starve. |
| 353 | -->'''Diva:''' You're dead and in a cello, it's not like you need sustenance. |
| 354 | ** In the same scene: |
| 355 | -->'''Cello:''' Vodka! |
| 356 | -->'''Diva:''' [[INeedAFreakingDrink Vodka! That's what I need to get through this movie!]] |
| 357 | * Diva's reaction to seeing Harp gulping down an entire plate of food: "That...was ''[[NightmareFuel horrifying.]]''" |
| 358 | * When Anastasia mentions how the duke she had to prove herself spent her fifth birthday in the servant's quarters, drinking her father's best vodka, we get this gem: |
| 359 | -->'''Diva:''' Well now to be fair, that's where most adults would like to be at a five-year-old's birthday party. |
| 360 | * When the Empress Dowager refuses to believe that Anastasia is her granddaughter: |
| 361 | -->'''Empress:''' He dressed you up, gave you words to parrot- |
| 362 | -->'''Diva:''' Oh come on, you aren't being fair, she hasn't said one word about Polly wanting a cracker. |
| 363 | ** Before that, the Empress Dowager asking if Anastasia has "no ready wit". |
| 364 | -->'''Diva as Empress Dowager:''' Hm, maybe you ''are'' Anastasia, she was dumb as a post too. |
| 365 | * Diva imitating a truck backing up when Anastasia backs out of a room. |
| 366 | * During Cheka's "PrinceCharmless" villain song, we get this: |
| 367 | -->'''Diva as Anastasia:''' I knew I should've married [[WesternAnimation/Frozen2013 that nice Prince Hans]] instead. |
| 368 | ** Prior to that, the RunningGag of “Prince Paul” being ObviouslyEvil. |
| 369 | --->'''Anastasia:''' Prince Paul is the only one I trust. He’s the one getting me an audience with the Dowager Empress. |
| 370 | --->'''Diva as Anastasia:''' And he swore he had nothing to do with the black mamba in my bed! |
| 371 | |
| 372 | [[/folder]] |
| 373 | |
| 374 | [[folder:Camelot]] |
| 375 | * When Lancelot begs Arthur for forgiveness for getting in a fight with him in the forest: |
| 376 | -->'''Lancelot:''' I beg your majesty to forgive me. Not because I deserve it, but because by forgiving me, I'll suffer more. |
| 377 | -->'''Diva:''' Yup. Definitely a Catholic. |
| 378 | * Diva valiantly tries to avoid making ''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'' references, only for a overlong scene practically demand a "GET ON WITH IT!" |
| 379 | [[/folder]] |
| 380 | |
| 381 | [[folder:Walking On Sunshine]] |
| 382 | * "Next time I'm on surface leave, I'm gonna burst out singing at customs. See how long it takes for to get a cavity search." (showing up the book ''My First Cavity Search'' is a plus) |
| 383 | * The "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ''CARES?!''" from ''Film/IntoTheWoods'' is used with impeccable timing. |
| 384 | [[/folder]] |
| 385 | |
| 386 | [[folder:Disco Worms]] |
| 387 | * Diva takes violent exception to [[NonMammalMammaries one of the film's visual stylistic choices...]] |
| 388 | -->'''Diva:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext Nobody wants to see worm tatas! NOBODY!]] |
| 389 | [[/folder]] |
| 390 | |
| 391 | [[folder:The Wiz]] |
| 392 | * Her thoughts on certain storytelling elements: |
| 393 | -->'''Diva:''' And by the way, we all know the "It Was With You The Whole Time" thing is a standard [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Oz]] {{Aesop}}, but this movie is really {{Anvilicious}} about it. The characters go from, ''(scenes of the Tin Man)'' "''OOOHH,'' if only I could have feelings!" ''(ding!)'' "Here! Let me cry my eyes out!" ''(scenes of the Cowardly Lion)'' "''OOOHH,'' I'm such a coward!" ''(ding!)'' "Stand back. I will defeat the creepy subway, ''single-pawed!''" |
| 394 | -->'''Diva:''' This scene calls for some Yakety Sax but I used that gag twice already......Oh to here with it! |
| 395 | [[/folder]] |
| 396 | |
| 397 | [[folder:Home on the Range]] |
| 398 | * Diva's wrath goes on a whole new level once the Goofy Holler is wasted. |
| 399 | * "🎵[[Theatre/PaintYourWagon The rain is Tess, the fire is Jo]]/[[UnfortunateNames And they call the high-pressure front bringing afternoon thundershowers Ricooooo!]] 🎵" |
| 400 | * When one character complains that he should have stayed in clown college, Diva agrees with him. |
| 401 | -->'''Diva:''' [[DefensiveWhat What?]] [[EvilClown All clowns are demons in disguise,]] [[LampshadeHanging I thought it was common knowledge by now.]] |
| 402 | [[/folder]] |
| 403 | |
| 404 | [[folder:Musical Hell TV: Secret of Mulan]] |
| 405 | * Diva’s already-low expectations get even lower from the get-go. |
| 406 | -->'''Diva:''' Two minutes in and we already had our VillainSong. Things can only go downhill from here. |
| 407 | * Diva isn’t pleased by the AsLongAsItSoundsForeign names. |
| 408 | -->'''Diva:''' ‘Bow Tie?’ This is making the names in Theatre/MadameButterfly sound authentic. |
| 409 | * When one of the beetle soldiers attempts to charge Mulan and ends up running for his comrade, arms outstretched. |
| 410 | -->'''Diva!Soldier:''' “I can’t deny it anymore, I love you!” |
| 411 | * Bow Tie gets a song of his own, which is finished by the BigBad, Mala Khan, shouting for him. |
| 412 | -->'''Mala Khan:''' BOW TIIIEE! |
| 413 | -->'''Diva!Mala Khan:''' Were you doing a villain number without me?! |
| 414 | |
| 415 | [[/folder]] |
| 416 | |
| 417 | [[folder:Stage Fright]] |
| 418 | * (whistle blows) “Sorry, that's clearly his foot, not his leg! Illegal pun, 15 yard penalty, replay the down." |
| 419 | * After the first murder at the camp has occurred: |
| 420 | -->'''Little girl:''' Isn't it wrong to sing and dance when someone just died?\ |
| 421 | '''Diva:''' ''[as [[Series/GameOfThrones Ned Stark]]]'' That's the only time a man can sing and dance, my child. |
| 422 | * Finding the BondOneLiner lame, Diva outsources for better examples. |
| 423 | [[/folder]] |
| 424 | |
| 425 | [[folder:Burlesque]] |
| 426 | * Diva refuses to complete the MadLibsCatchPhrase feeling the film doesn't deserve it, and starts a ClicheStorm checklist. |
| 427 | [[/folder]] |
| 428 | |
| 429 | [[folder:The Nutcracker: The Untold Story]] |
| 430 | * Diva being startled by all the AccidentalNightmareFuel. Even more when she wishes to get it back: |
| 431 | -->So, [[ARareSentence never thought I'd say this]], but let's go back to the creepy nutcracker and the Nazi rats, shall we? |
| 432 | * Diva describing the Rat King's mother as "[[Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow Dr. Frank N. Furter]], [[Film/IlsaSheWolfOfTheSS She-Wolf of the SS.]]" |
| 433 | [[/folder]] |
| 434 | |
| 435 | %%[[folder:A Chorus Line]] |
| 436 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 437 | %% |
| 438 | [[folder:Annie (2014)]] |
| 439 | * When Creator/CameronDiaz high on HamAndCheese asks the orphans to "tone down a thousand, no one will buy that": |
| 440 | -->Cameron, I'd like you to meet the [[PotCallingTheKettleBlack pot]]. I'm sure you'll have a lot in common. |
| 441 | * "Attention! MeetCute on lane 1..." |
| 442 | * The ''Film/MammaMia!'' CallBack. |
| 443 | [[/folder]] |
| 444 | |
| 445 | [[folder:Sweeney Todd]] |
| 446 | * Diva can't even start the episode without other reviewers pressuring on her to review ''Film/SweeneyToddTheDemonBarberOfFleetStreet''. And when she ends up not being very negative about the movie, they are disappointed. |
| 447 | * Diva plays Homer's [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS4E17LastExitToSpringfield "Wait a minute, is he coming on to me?"]] internal dialogue when Anthony first meets Judge Turpin. |
| 448 | * When Diva notes the movie [[TemptingFate wasn't as bad as the Disney knockoffs she usually reviews]]... |
| 449 | -->'''Diva:''' At least it wasn't another lame disco musical, or some badly animated Disney knock- |
| 450 | -->''[[WhamShot (NEXT CASE: Princess And The Pea)]]'' |
| 451 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[[LampshadeHanging Oh, why do I keep doing this to myself?!]]'' |
| 452 | [[/folder]] |
| 453 | |
| 454 | [[folder:MHTV The Secret of the Hunchback]] |
| 455 | * "Damn, first Frollo's an archdeacon, [[WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame then he gets demoted to judge]], and now he's a sheriff. If this keeps up, in the next adaptation he's going to be a security guard who writes angry letters to the editor in his off-time." |
| 456 | * Diva [[{{Mondegreen}} mishears one of the sheriff's lines.]] |
| 457 | --> '''Sheriff:''' Well done, my cunning friends! |
| 458 | --> '''Diva:''' My ''cumming'' friends?! ''Ewwww!'' |
| 459 | * Diva's reaction to the ending twist that Quasimodo is an angel and his hunch was holding his wings the entire time. |
| 460 | --> '''Diva:''' [[FlatWhat What.]] '' [[{{Beat}} ...]] No, really, ''what?'' [[{{Beat}} ...]]Yeah I'm not even gonna snark on this, I'm just gonna let that little plot twist sink in for a moment. |
| 461 | * Diva's closing narration. |
| 462 | --> '''Narrator:''' Some have entertained angels unawares. |
| 463 | --> *fade into the credits* |
| 464 | --> '''Diva!Narrator:''' I know, it's a pretty heavy-handed and ridiculous cop-out of an ending, but hey, at least we have the better adaptations of ''The Hunchback'' out there, right? I mean, [[WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame the Disney version]] is pretty awesome, the gargoyles were kind of dorky, but let's face it, this movie has no right to be throwing stones on ''that'' account. And of course there's [[Film/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame1923 the silent classic with Lon Chaney,]] ''truly'' the man of a thousand faces. [[Film/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame1939 The Charles Laughton version]] is always a classic, and I do have a lingering fondness for [[Film/TheHunchback the 1997 version starring Mandy Patinkin and Selma Hayeck]]... you know what, screw the closing narration, I'm gonna go rummage through my DVD collection and wash away the taste of this saccharine claptrap, I suggest you do the same. |
| 465 | [[/folder]] |
| 466 | |
| 467 | [[folder:The Princess and the Pea]] |
| 468 | * Her thoughts during the (anti-)climax. |
| 469 | -->'''Diva''': ''(laughs)'' I don't care how much dramatic music and thunder you put in. You are not going to make lying down for a nap look exciting. |
| 470 | [[/folder]] |
| 471 | |
| 472 | [[folder:Nine]] |
| 473 | * "'Priest in a hot tub' would be a great name for a band, or a cocktail!" |
| 474 | [[/folder]] |
| 475 | |
| 476 | [[folder:Glitter]] |
| 477 | * Billy singing the house down and exposing Sylk as a fake singer led to this gem: |
| 478 | --> '''Diva:''' So, nobody catches on that Billy's helping Sylk pull a Milli Vanilli? OK, then... |
| 479 | |
| 480 | * Dice's controlling nature on Billy leads into: |
| 481 | --> BIG RED FLAAAAAAGGGSSSSS!!!! |
| 482 | |
| 483 | * Diva becomes so EnragedByIdiocy as the thing progresses, that the review gets some ''really'' concise cards and "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis FUCK. THAT. SHIT.]]" as the final line. |
| 484 | --> '''Sin Card:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe ARE YOU SHITTING ME?]]\ |
| 485 | '''Sin Card:''' [[AtomicFBomb FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU]] |
| 486 | * Diva [[SarcasmMode stating that nothing will get in the way]] of Billy and Dice’s reconciliation seconds before Timothy kills Dice. |
| 487 | --> '''Diva:''' Uh nevermind then. Also note that this is the [[KarmaHoudini last time we see Timothy for the rest of the movie so presumably he gets off scott free.]] Which would be sad but I’m just upset I can’t buy the man a drink. |
| 488 | [[/folder]] |
| 489 | |
| 490 | [[folder:Thumbelina]] |
| 491 | * "If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go anywhere but this... this movie is the pits!" |
| 492 | * The prince receives his own version of [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus the Dead Parrot sketch]]. |
| 493 | [[/folder]] |
| 494 | |
| 495 | [[folder:Descendants]] |
| 496 | * Diva ends up not giving the movie its punishments because of the many, ''many'', '''many''' [[PlotHole plot holes]] that the premise and the execution create, which lead to her ''finishing the review pointing all of them out'' and being cut off before she can read her sentence. ([[http://musicalhell.tumblr.com/post/150002633908/hey-diva-just-curious-what-punishments-did-you she later revealed what would happen to those responsible for... the next entry]]) |
| 497 | * Diva's reaction to the TotallyRadical TwoDecadesBehind rap version of "[[WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast Be Our Guest]]": |
| 498 | --> '''Sin Card:''' [[FlatWhat DID YOU JUST]] |
| 499 | [[/folder]] |
| 500 | |
| 501 | [[folder:Scooby Doo: Music Of The Vampire]] |
| 502 | * Discussing how Velma somehow sets the Mystery Machine gang on vacation [[BusmansHoliday to a haunted festival]], considering "You even sang an Opposition-Damned song about it!" |
| 503 | |
| 504 | * After the infamous "Scooby and Me" song, Diva sentences composer Andy Summer to a rather wicked fate: |
| 505 | --> '''Diva:''' Shaggy Scooby slash/fic. You just know it exists...Somewhere in the dark corners of the Internet.... |
| 506 | [[/folder]] |
| 507 | |
| 508 | [[folder:Rhinestone]] |
| 509 | * Diva opens the review by saluting the unsung heroes (in several senses) of musicals: the writers of the books, the stories that keep audiences coming back.[[note]] As Diva clarifies, this doesn't necessarily mean literary works adapted into musicals (such as ''Literature/LesMiserables'') or novelisations of musicals (such as the one for ''Theatre/{{Wicked}}''), but rather the story and dialogue of a musical as opposed to the music and lyrics.[[/note]] [[Theatre/FiddlerOnTheRoof Joseph Stein]], [[Theatre/SweeneyToddTheDemonBarberOfFleetStreet Hugh Wheeler]], [[Creator/ComdenAndGreen Betty Comden and Adolph Green]], [[Theatre/IntoTheWoods James Lapine]]... and Creator/SylvesterStallone!? Yes, as the bailiff points out to Diva, Stallone had a co-writer credit on ''Film/{{Rhinestone}}'' (and fellow co-writer Phil Alden Robinson resented his changes so much that he tried to have his name removed from the film). And apparently he enjoyed making the film immensely: |
| 510 | -->'''Diva:''' Even after ''Rhinestone'' bombed, Stallone went on record saying that working with Music/DollyParton was the most fun he'd ever had making a movie. Which brings the grand total of people who got some happiness out of this mess to... [[LowCountGag one.]] |
| 511 | [[/folder]] |
| 512 | |
| 513 | [[folder:Christmas Is Here Again]] |
| 514 | * "Santa's Sacred Sack [[HehHehYouSaidX (hur hur)]]" and all it implies, from that sin card and the usual FacePalm clip, to Diva concluding baby Jesus's cloth "gives a whole meaning to the term 'Holy shit'". |
| 515 | [[/folder]] |
| 516 | |
| 517 | [[folder:A Troll In Central Park]] |
| 518 | * The intro, where Diva complains about getting another "Creator/DonBluth [[AudienceAlienatingEra Dork Age]]" so soon after the other. When it turns out to be a Patreon request, she proceeds to [[RageAgainstTheAuthor insult Christi]]. |
| 519 | -->'''Diva:''' Patreon request!? Whose idea was it to set up that silly thing anyway?\ |
| 520 | '''Bailiff:''' ''[[[TheUnintelligible unintelligible chirping]]]''\ |
| 521 | '''Diva:''' Oh, ''really''. ''[muttering]'' [-Stupid high and mighty mortal, don't know where she gets off with her cheap editing software and her ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' money and her...-] ''[sighs]'' Okay, ''fine'', let's just get this over with. ''[over a sped up version of the recording of Saint-Saëns' ''Danse macabre'' that usually opens the videos]'' Greetings mortals, yadda yadda yadda, I'm Diva, blah blah blah, our next offender, ''WesternAnimation/ATrollInCentralPark''. |
| 522 | * Halfway through tearing the film a new one, Diva realises that the plot - cheerful protagonist falls afoul of wicked queen and is banished to New York, has a few FishOutOfWater moments, falls in with a couple of locals, and wins them over with charm and musical numbers, only for the queen to decide to go to New York herself to finish the job, leading to a final confrontation - has many similarities to that of ''Film/{{Enchanted}}''. So they're the same film, then? Well... |
| 523 | -->'''Diva:''' Except... y'know, ''Enchanted'' had interesting and sympathetic characters, and a much better screenplay, and good songs, and an amusing tone that walked the line between [[AffectionateParody affectionate tribute]] and {{Deconstruction}} and a ton of {{Shout Out}}s to the [[Franchise/DisneyAnimatedCanon Disney canon]], and fun [[TheCameo cameos]], and Creator/AmyAdams, Creator/JamesMarsden, and Creator/SusanSarandon and Creator/TimothySpall and Creator/IdinaMenzel, all of whom are ''amazing'' and talented people. Other than that, totally the same. |
| 524 | * Her befuddled reaction to Sin #7: ''On A [[PrecisionFStrike Fucking]] Tricycle'' |
| 525 | -->'''Diva''': [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Someone]] ''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer wrote]]'' [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer that scene.]] Someone ''wrote it down'' and ''thought it was a good idea'' and managed to ''convince a bunch of others'' it was a good idea and it was ''animated'' and ''recorded'' and ''we are watching it'' '''RIGHT. NOW.''' |
| 526 | |
| 527 | * And her reaction to the film's EsotericHappyEnding, where it ends up being Sin #8: |
| 528 | --> '''Diva:''' And takes over the entire city? What the here, Don Bluth?! This isn't an uplifting ending! This is the original DownerEnding from Little Shop of Horrors! This is what Poison Ivy gets up to before Batman throws her into Arkham! This is the transition period between the downfall of humanity and the Rise of the Planet of the Apes! YOU BASTARD, STANLEY! YOU OVERGREW IT ALL! DAMN YOU TO HERE!!! |
| 529 | [[/folder]] |
| 530 | |
| 531 | [[folder:Strange Magic]] |
| 532 | * "Creator/GeorgeLucas wanted to make this for little girls, who clearly have nothing to do with Star Wars and instead are only interested in silly romances with fairies…If you listen closely you can hear the spirit of Creator/CarrieFisher giving old George the middle finger." |
| 533 | * "I asked my bailiff about this movie's interpretation of an imp, and he said, and I quote..." And Diva proceeds to [[TheUnintelligible speak in the same manner the bailiff usually does]], only BlowingARaspberry by the end. |
| 534 | [[/folder]] |
| 535 | |
| 536 | [[folder:The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale]] |
| 537 | * The review starts with Diva beating herself and asking why this series continues. |
| 538 | -->Is Creator/{{Sony}} in a competition with the people who made ''WesternAnimation/TheLandBeforeTime'' to see [[FranchiseZombie who can drag a series longer]]? |
| 539 | * Funnily enough, this movie has a Saving Grace in the form of a surly, eyepatch wearing scullion Diva simply dubs: Eyepatch Guy. |
| 540 | [[/folder]] |
| 541 | |
| 542 | [[folder:Peter Pan Live]] |
| 543 | * The RunningGag regarding how Creator/ChristopherWalken is barely caring. |
| 544 | * The "I believe" section. |
| 545 | [[/folder]] |
| 546 | |
| 547 | [[folder:Portal 2: The Unauthorized Musical]] |
| 548 | * The episode introduces us to [[{{Foil}} Donna, Diva's angelic counterpart from Musical Heaven]], and then Diva appears with a hangover. |
| 549 | -->'''Donna:''' Salutations and blessings upon thee, mortals, from the exalted and hallowed heights of Musical Heaven! I am your most gracious hostess, Donna, and it is my solemn duty to-\ |
| 550 | '''Diva:''' ''[woozily]'' Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...I thought the good Tequila wasn't supposed to give you a han...[[CurseCutShort WHAT THE F-]]\ |
| 551 | '''Donna:''' Ah-ah-ah! Language, Diva, darling!\ |
| 552 | '''Diva:''' ''[testily]'' Donna, I am coming down from an extended drinking binge which, sadly, did absolutely nothing to eradicate the image of Creator/ChristopherWalken fake tapdancing from my mind, so I'm only going to ask this once. ''What'' the ''here'' are you doing...here!? |
| 553 | * Diva having to deny [[ActuallyPrettyFunny having laughed]] at this (specially when one knows how much Christi complains about the [[Usefulnotes/DonaldTrump joke's target]]): |
| 554 | -->'''Wheatley''': Most of your facts are spurious— \ |
| 555 | '''Fact Core''': They are ALTERNATIVE. |
| 556 | [[/folder]] |
| 557 | |
| 558 | [[folder:Pete's Dragon]] |
| 559 | * It's back to business as usual after Donna's "visit"; the bailiff tells Diva the next case on the docket, which she finds spectacularly unmemorable: |
| 560 | -->'''Diva:''' Ahh! ''Pete's Dragon''! I remember that! It's the movie with, um... Pete, and his... uh, dragon... and I suppose there's songs in it, I mean that's why we're doing this, right? |
| 561 | [[/folder]] |
| 562 | |
| 563 | [[folder:Popeye]] |
| 564 | * Regarding "He Needs Me", "the combined powers of Creator/AudraMcDonald, Kristen Chenoweth, Philippa Soo, Sutton Foster, and Julie fucking Andrews would not be enough to make this song appealing!" |
| 565 | * "Hate's done more good to me than anything in this world!" [[TakeThat "Isn't that Roger Ailes' epitaph?"]] |
| 566 | [[/folder]] |
| 567 | |
| 568 | [[folder:The Fantasticks]] |
| 569 | * "New Kids on the Block? Your parents' equivalent of One Direction? ''[sighs]'' Damn kids, get off my fields of asphodel!" |
| 570 | * "Red flags! Red flags here!" |
| 571 | * "[[UnhandThemVillain Let her go!]]" "[[Film/TheDarkKnight Very poor]] [[LampshadeHanging choice of words.]]" |
| 572 | [[/folder]] |
| 573 | |
| 574 | [[folder:Sci-Fi High: The Movie Musical]] |
| 575 | * Diva opens right away telling viewers YouCanTurnBack, as not only this movie is ''really'' obscure (even highlighting the lack of Wikipedia and TV Tropes pages) but it's unbelievably bad. And she gives the warning again after a terrible scene makes her ask how long it's been on - a meager ten minutes! |
| 576 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[[[OOCIsSeriousBusiness her voice unusually tense]]]'' Greetings... mortals... welcome to another session of the infernal court in Musical Hell... I'm Diva, your judge, jury, and ''run, get out while you still can!'' Save yourself while you're still innocent of the horror that is ''Sci-Fi High: The Movie Musical''!\ |
| 577 | ''[later, with the movie already on its fourth Sin card]''\ |
| 578 | '''Diva:''' ''[sighs heavily]'' How far are we into this movie?\ |
| 579 | '''Caption:''' ''[ding!]'' '''T[-EN MINUTES-]'''\ |
| 580 | '''Diva:''' ... You know, I'm stuck with this material. You can still get out and browse WebVideo/WatchMojo if you'd like! |
| 581 | * The thing is so screwed up the sin cards are terse ("Yeah, this happened", "Just...why?", "Ewwwwww", "I hate this scene..."). |
| 582 | * The awkward camera angles of Thompson smacking Eddie with a ruler warrants Sin #6. |
| 583 | -->'''Diva:''' The fact that someone, somewhere is almost ''certainly'' getting off on that scene is the scariest thing to happen in this movie so far... |
| 584 | * During the dreadful "He said, she said" scene that Diva declares Sin #8 with the title card "I hate this scene...", we see just how much the film has broken her: |
| 585 | -->'''Diva:''' Well, I finally know what Hell is like. Well - I mean, I've always known, because I ''live'' here, but I finally have an understanding of what ''you'' people go through when you first come down. |
| 586 | [[/folder]] |
| 587 | |
| 588 | %%[[folder:De-Lovely]] |
| 589 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 590 | %% |
| 591 | [[folder:Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas]] |
| 592 | * Right away, Diva says she won't review the movie without [[INeedAFreakingDrink "emergency protocols" (a cocktail drink) and then 'dire emergency protocols' (a bottle of scotch).]] |
| 593 | * "The Beast's Iago..." Cue the ''Aladdin'' parrot. "Please show you have a smattering of education!" The ''Othello'' version then appears. |
| 594 | * The sin card for the "Clockboarding! No, snowclocking!" bit: "Yeah, that's a thing that happened." |
| 595 | [[/folder]] |
| 596 | |
| 597 | [[folder:Rock-A-Doodle]] |
| 598 | * "[The Great Duke] spits Lucky Charms at Edmond to turn him into an animated kitten. Don't make me repeat that. The idiocy can break me." |
| 599 | * To quote Diva after Edmond and company [[EpicFail utterly fail]] to easily find Chanticleer in the city despite there being giant neon signs present advertising a gig the latter is performing at: |
| 600 | -->"Dude, Music/RayCharles wouldn't have [[FailedASpotCheck failed that spot check]]!" |
| 601 | * A bizarre acid sequence that Edmond goes through leads to this comment from Diva: |
| 602 | -->'''Diva:''' And we've gone from "Sure why not" to "What the FUCK?!" |
| 603 | [[/folder]] |
| 604 | |
| 605 | %%[[folder:Love's Labour Lost]] |
| 606 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 607 | %% |
| 608 | [[folder:The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2]] |
| 609 | * La Fidele first earns [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy2014 Drax saying "Metaphor"]] for its main quality, and then a rant on how the gold-lined bell is impractical. |
| 610 | * "Sarouche is so busy doing his Rafiki impression..." |
| 611 | [[/folder]] |
| 612 | |
| 613 | [[folder:MHTV: Beauty and The Beast]] |
| 614 | * "Everybody do the nightmare conga!" |
| 615 | * Beauty's father, who is about to freeze to death, sees a star that leads him to the Beast's castle. |
| 616 | -->'''Father!Diva:''' It's Bethlehem, I'm saved! |
| 617 | * The RunningGag on how the music doesn't stop. For example, when Beauty sets off to find her father: |
| 618 | -->'''Sister:''' We'll perish! Beauty, we'll perish!\ |
| 619 | '''Beauty!Diva:''' Don't worry, there's food in the fridge and I put out fresh litter for the orchestra! |
| 620 | * After the ghosts inadvertently give Beauty the idea to give the Beast another chance, and she repeats their unintentional suggestions almost word for word: |
| 621 | -->'''Ghost 1!Diva:''' Don't tell me she's going to strip naked and roll around in a tub of chocolate pudding!\ |
| 622 | '''Ghost 2!Diva:''' Frank!\ |
| 623 | '''Ghost 1!Diva:''' Hey, it was worth a shot. |
| 624 | * The Beast asks Beauty to marry him. |
| 625 | -->'''Beast:''' You needn't worry. There is no wrong answer.\ |
| 626 | '''Beauty!Diva:''' Okay, uh... Pickle! |
| 627 | * The prince has an interesting sound byte when he’s being cursed. Diva can’t say the below comment without {{Corpsing}}. |
| 628 | -->'''Diva:''' Let me spare you the rewind. ''Yes,'' the prince just [[StockScream Wilhelm Screamed]] as he was being cursed. [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer You heard right.]] |
| 629 | * Beauty asks the mirror where the handsome prince she saw in a portrait is, but the mirror shows her the image of her sick father instead. |
| 630 | -->'''Beauty!Diva:''' Clearly my father ate the handsome prince! |
| 631 | * Diva comments on the sisters’ plan to keep Beauty from returning to the castle by forcing chores into her. Which works. |
| 632 | -->'''Diva:''' Great, so you’re gonna make her stay by being ''more'' selfish and annoying? What kind of naive idiot would— aaactually, you’re onto something here. |
| 633 | * Diva notices some notable absences during the wedding. |
| 634 | -->'''Beauty!Diva:''' By the way, what happened to my sisters? |
| 635 | -->'''Prince!Diva:''' Oh, they were [[TakenForGranite transformed into living statues]] [[ShownTheirWork to be forever tormented by your prosperity and happiness.]] |
| 636 | -->'''Beauty!Diva:''' Oh, hahahaha, isn't that just like them~? |
| 637 | [[/folder]] |
| 638 | |
| 639 | [[folder:The Secret of NIMH 2]] |
| 640 | * Diva cuts the [[WesternAnimation/{{Moana}} "In song form!"]] clip because she feels the movie doesn't deserve something taken from a better one. |
| 641 | [[/folder]] |
| 642 | |
| 643 | [[folder:The Lorax]] |
| 644 | * While introducing the movie, Diva mentions the infamous EstrogenBrigade for its incarnation of the Once-ler... then admits she shouldn't judge as she expresses her own PerverseSexualLust for the Reaper from ''VideoGame/{{Overwatch}}''. |
| 645 | -->"Oh Gabriel, my gravel-voiced edgelord... toss away those big guns of yours and come to me, ''mi amado''! [{{beat}}] ...Sorry, where was I?" |
| 646 | [[/folder]] |
| 647 | %% |
| 648 | [[folder:Sextette]] |
| 649 | * "Did Keith Moon die of overdose or overacting? ''[CollectiveGroan]'' Demon, people. Demon." |
| 650 | [[/folder]] |
| 651 | |
| 652 | [[folder:Descendants 2]] |
| 653 | * Right away, Diva says that she's reviewing ''Descendants 2'', so "stop pestering me!" |
| 654 | * Diva starts rattling off with the many plotholes in the movie again but she gets the punishments in just as the credits roll. |
| 655 | -->'''Diva:''' I'm getting the punishments in this time; Music team: serenaded with bagpipes, Ben: slapped atop the head until he gets an ''ounce'' of common sense, Duke: fed to the cast of the Lion King! Recorded, adjourned, ''DONE!'' |
| 656 | [[/folder]] |
| 657 | |
| 658 | [[folder:Phantom of the Paradise]] |
| 659 | * Donna returns despite Diva's best efforts to keep her from overhearing the name of the film being reviewed, and once the review proper gets going, Donna entertains herself by playing many opening intros over the film's one, leading Diva to ask "get your claws away from the panel!" |
| 660 | * The dispute regarding the ''Naked Gun'' clip. |
| 661 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as Winslow naively agrees to hand over his ''Faust'' rock {{cantata}} to Swan's record label]'' I'm doing the clip.\ |
| 662 | '''Donna:''' No, you are ''not'' doing the clip!\ |
| 663 | '''Diva:''' Yes, I am doing it-\ |
| 664 | '''Donna:''' ''[simultaneously with Diva]'' I mean it, do ''not'' touch that button, it is a ridiculous RunningGag and you do ''not'' need to resort to it one more time!\ |
| 665 | '''Diva:''' ''[simultaneously with Donna]'' -if ever there was a time we needed the clip, ''this is that time!''\ |
| 666 | ''[the argument and sounds of a scuffle play over a screen reading "Technical Difficulties - Please Stand By"]''\ |
| 667 | ''[static]'' ''[the mass FacePalm from ''Film/TheNakedGun 33 1/3'' plays]''\ |
| 668 | '''Donna:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Well, do you feel better now?\ |
| 669 | '''Diva:''' A little, yes. |
| 670 | * Diva names the character of Beef the film's "Saving Grace", although Donna takes exception to her choice of words to explain why: |
| 671 | -->'''Diva:''' Gerrit Graham is obviously enjoying himself immensely with this character, and even though Beef is pretty much a sassy, CampGay stereotype, the focus of the humour is not his sexuality so much as his ''prima donna'' attitude.\ |
| 672 | '''Donna:''' ''I beg your pardon!?''\ |
| 673 | '''Diva:''' A figure of speech. |
| 674 | [[/folder]] |
| 675 | |
| 676 | %%[[folder:The Man of La Mancha]] |
| 677 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 678 | %% |
| 679 | [[folder:A Christmas Carol Live]] |
| 680 | * The underwhelming appearance of the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come leads to [[{{Narm}} a bout of laughter]]. |
| 681 | [[/folder]] |
| 682 | |
| 683 | [[folder:The (Other) Phantom of the Opera]] |
| 684 | * The section detailing financier Al Hirschfield's weird life. |
| 685 | * After revealing Moncharmin is played by Creator/DarinDePaul, Diva takes any chance she can to insert [[VideoGame/{{Overwatch}} Reinhardt]] dialogue into his scenes. |
| 686 | -->'''Moncharmin:''' I promise you: it will calm down. It will be ready. ''[to the performers]'' '''CALM DOWN! GET READY!'''\ |
| 687 | '''Reinhardt:''' DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET?\ |
| 688 | [...]\ |
| 689 | '''Moncharmin:''' Are you accusing me of fancy bookkeeping!?\ |
| 690 | '''Reinhardt:''' COME OUT AND FACE ME!\ |
| 691 | [...]\ |
| 692 | '''Richard:''' ''[singing to Carlotta]'' Imagine applauding that way for a neophyte!\ |
| 693 | '''Moncharmin:''' I liked it.\ |
| 694 | '''Reinhardt:''' What's wrong with the classics? I LOVE Hasselhoff! |
| 695 | * "Danse Macabre" gets Diva happy, of course. But once it plays again, she trades it for the ''Star Wars'' cantina music. |
| 696 | * Diva fears saying she enjoyed the movie, knowing the next case is always worse when that happens. So when ''The Pebble and the Penguin'' shows up, she goes, the reaction is "Of fucking course!" |
| 697 | [[/folder]] |
| 698 | |
| 699 | [[folder:The Pebble and the Penguin]] |
| 700 | * Twice Diva tries to pass off a moment where two main characters could seemingly end up dying as the end of the film, complete with a ''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes''-style ending shot, only for it to turn out the film isn't over yet. |
| 701 | * When the defeat of antagonist Drake causes his lair to collapse, Diva quips, "Unfortunately, Drake was a [[LoadBearingBoss load-bearing villain...]]" |
| 702 | [[/folder]] |
| 703 | |
| 704 | [[folder:Jem and the Holograms]] |
| 705 | * This video sees ''Musical Hell'' cross over with Creator/ThatLongHairedCreepyGuy as the latter is summoned to Diva's circle of Hell, with his partner in snark Chibi-Cthulhu along for the ride. Diva does her best to play the terrifying demon as she summons Creepy and Chibi-Cthulhu to Musical Hell, but neither of them are the least bit intimidated, so she eventually drops the act and asks them directly if they're game to review ''Film/JemAndTheHolograms2015'' with her: |
| 706 | -->'''Diva:''' Hear me, ye creatures of the nether realms! By the powers of the inferno I conjure thee to do my bidding! Bring me my rightful prey, that my vengeance might be sated!\ |
| 707 | ''[cut to Creepy in front of a montage of scenes from ''WesternAnimation/{{Gargoyles}}'']''\ |
| 708 | '''Creepy:''' Hey guys! I know I said we were going to finish ''Jem'' before we started on ''Gargoyles'', buuut... ''[DramaticThunder]'' That's not a good sign... ''[he suddenly appears in Musical Hell, wearing a ''Jem'' T-shirt and a bright green wig]'' Ahh! What in the name of Greta Phillips?... Wait, what th- where are we?\ |
| 709 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' Let's take stock. Unnaturally high temperature? Check. ''Overpowering'' aroma of brimstone, check. Terrible wi-fi reception... yep. It all checks out. We're in Hell!\ |
| 710 | '''Diva:''' Musical Hell, to be precise!\ |
| 711 | '''Creepy:''' ''[waving]'' [[Film/TheRoom2003 Oh hai Diva.]] What's up?\ |
| 712 | '''Diva:''' ''[accompanied by DramaticThunder, a dark filter over the picture, and heavy reverb on her voice]'' Do not dissemble with me, mortal! The vengeance of a demon of the underworld will ''not'' be deterred! As you have made me suffer, so ''you'' shall suffer! ''[EvilLaugh, accompanied by more DramaticThunder]''\ |
| 713 | '''Creepy:''' Huh?\ |
| 714 | '''Diva:''' ''[normal voice]'' I'm doing the ''Jem and the Holograms'' movie, you want in or what?\ |
| 715 | '''Creepy:''' ''That'' train wreck? ''[scoffs]'' Sure! But... why the big production? I mean, you could have just asked me.\ |
| 716 | '''Diva:''' Yeah, but it's the principle! I can't just waltz over to some mortal and say "Hey, wanna do a crossover?" I'm a ''demon!'' Style and presentation are very important!\ |
| 717 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' Speaking as a friend and ardent admirer, that might make more sense if it weren't coming from a cardboard cutout.\ |
| 718 | '''Diva:''' ''[back to heavy reverb, the image now stretched to look as though she is towering over the camera]'' I am the nightmare dredged from the very depths of the inferno! The puny senses of mortals could not ''begin'' to comprehend the terror and majesty of my true form!\ |
| 719 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' Eh, that, and the lower downs are [[NoBudget really stingy with the effects budget]]. Trust me, I know.\ |
| 720 | '''Diva:''' ''[sighing, through clenched teeth]'' Not ''helping''...\ |
| 721 | '''Creepy:''' You ''do'' remember that he's an Elder God, right?... ''[shrugs]'' Never mind, let's just get to the movie.\ |
| 722 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' ''[whining]'' Ohhh... do we have to?... |
| 723 | * The film's introduction sets off a level of introspection that makes the trio very uncomfortable very quickly... |
| 724 | -->'''Diva:''' There's also some folderol about Website/YouTube personas being secret identities that we hide behind and use to share our weird projects with the world.\ |
| 725 | ''[ReactionShot of Diva, Chibi-Cthulhu, and Creepy in that order]''\ |
| 726 | '''Creepy:''' Ye-eah. So... moving on?\ |
| 727 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' ''[simultaneously with Diva]'' Please, yes! I would greatly appreciate that!\ |
| 728 | '''Diva:''' ''[simultaneously with Chibi-Cthulhu]'' Oh, thank Lucifer, yes please! |
| 729 | * A comment that being "internet famous" is the second-best thing to being "actually famous" leads to a very loud "FUCK YOU!" from the reviewers (apart from Chibi-Cthulhu, who opts instead for "Screw you!"), with Creepy FlippingTheBird for good measure. |
| 730 | * The reviewers are unimpressed with the film's portrayal of Jem's pursuit by [[GenderFlip Erica]] Raymond for a trio of concerts and the ensuing standoff over whether her sisters are part of the deal. |
| 731 | -->'''Diva:''' Seriously, I have seen movies where musicians are [[Film/SgtPeppersLonelyHeartsClubBand flown to LA by hot air balloons]], [[Film/TheApple sold their souls to the boss]], [[Film/PhantomOfTheParadise had their music stolen, got sentenced to life for first offence drug possession, broke out, got disfigured by a record press, and THEN sold their souls to the boss]], and ''this'' is the most wildly fanciful portrayal of the music industry I have ever seen! |
| 732 | * Creepy points out a bit of a problem with Aunt Bailey's naiveté in letting the girls go off to Los Angeles: |
| 733 | -->'''Creepy:''' And Aunt Bailey is okay with letting her four daughters go off with two total strangers. Who work in the music industry. That woman needs to go back to the 80s and watch a "stranger danger" video STAT!\ |
| 734 | ''[cut to a clip from such a video with the cast of the ''Literature/WinnieThePooh'' books]''\ |
| 735 | '''Rabbit:''' ''[singing]'' Don't be fooled by tricks! Don't fall for a phony story... |
| 736 | * You know your attempt at a cute robot character has failed when an ''Elder God'' finds it frightening. Creepy is likewise disgusted by the robot's introduction, but for narrative reasons: |
| 737 | -->'''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' ''[upon seeing Synergy for the first time]'' STOP! STOP! Stop, stop the movie, I wanna get off! It looks like the bastard child of [[WesternAnimation/WallE WALL•E and EVE!]]\ |
| 738 | '''Diva:''' With maybe a bit of the alien monkey from the ''Film/LostInSpace'' movie.\ |
| 739 | '''Creepy:''' Synergy projects some home movies and a map on the ceiling and ''I can't stand it anymore!''\ |
| 740 | '''Sin #5:''' '''T[-HE PLOT-] ([-SUCH AS IT IS-])''' |
| 741 | * Sin #6, inevitably, is '''T[-HE-] Y[-OU-]T[-UBE CONTROVERSY-]''' surrounding the video clips made by fans of the original animated series that were then stripped of their original context and made to look like fan videos about the film character (despite the obviously 1980s cosplay, make-up, and, in at least one case, an ''episode from the cartoon'' playing on TV in the background). The celebrity cameos just make things worse in the eyes of the reviewers: |
| 742 | -->'''Creator/ChrisPratt:''' ''[interview clip]'' Yeah, Jem and I dated for like, six weeks, it was pretty serious...\ |
| 743 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' Dude, ''you're married''.[[note]] Which he was - to Creator/AnnaFaris - when the film was released, although they had divorced by the time this video was made, and Pratt's second marriage to Katherine Schwarzenegger was still a few months away.[[/note]]\ |
| 744 | '''Creepy:''' If it helps, he's really talking about his sister's Jem doll from when they were kids.\ |
| 745 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' ... That's not better! That's the opposite of better!\ |
| 746 | '''Diva:''' Speaking of, how ''old'' is Jerrica supposed to be in this? Because I'm getting a distinct high school vibe from her and her sisters, and yet she's got this romantic subplot with Rio, who is an intern at Starlight and is ''probably'' over 18, and looks to be in his 20s!\ |
| 747 | '''Creepy:''' ''[thoughtfully]'' You know... I think you're on to something.\ |
| 748 | ''[{{Beat}}]''\ |
| 749 | '''Diva, Creepy, Chibi-Cthulhu:''' EWWWW!! |
| 750 | * The film's invocation of ChekhovsGun in the form of Jerrica's earrings leads to another parody of the "IBM Presents: You Make the Call!" segments. |
| 751 | -->'''Diva:''' Jerrica and her friends need to get a pair of special McGuffin earrings currently in Erica Raymond's safe. Should she:\ |
| 752 | ''[caption: "A: Just ask"]'' A. Ask for the earrings back since as far as Erica knows, they don't have any value beyond sentimental...\ |
| 753 | ''[caption: "B: Convincing alibi"]'' B. Get Rio, who works at Starlight and is the son of the CEO, to create a plausible excuse for them being in the building after hours, or...\ |
| 754 | ''[caption: "C: [[ZanyScheme Crazy scheme!]]"]'' C. Concoct an elaborate break-in scheme that wouldn't fool anyone with half a brain, and will drag the film out even longer.\ |
| 755 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' ''[long-suffering]'' Ugh... knowing these people, it's probably C.\ |
| 756 | '''Diva:''' Congratulations! You made the wrong call, and therefore the only call anybody in this movie ''can'' make.\ |
| 757 | '''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' [[FlatJoy Hurray...]]\ |
| 758 | '''Diva:''' We can gloss over the majority of this ''[[Film/OceansEleven Ocean's Negative Eleven]]'' caper, which honestly is making the ''cartoon'' look realistic and well thought out, but it's worth pointing out a few highlights. First, there's the combination to Erica's safe.\ |
| 759 | ''[the combination is revealed to be... "erica_raymond".]''\ |
| 760 | '''[[Film/{{Spaceballs}} Dark Helmet]]:''' That's the [[StupidestThingIveEverHeard stupidest combination I ever heard in my life!]] That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his ''luggage''! |
| 761 | * The reviewers have fun with TheUnreveal when Jerrica, instead of revealing her identity as Jem, simply tells her audience that they're ''all'' Jem. |
| 762 | -->'''Chibi-Cthulhu:''' Not me, [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy2014 I am Groot!]]\ |
| 763 | '''Creepy:''' [[Music/BlackSabbath I am Iron Man!]]\ |
| 764 | '''Diva:''' ''[singing]'' [[Film/{{Clue}} I... am... your singing telegram...]] |
| 765 | * The last sin: the [[StillbornFranchise orphaned sequel hook]]. |
| 766 | -->'''Creepy:''' Oh, hey! It's the Misfits! One question:\ |
| 767 | '''Creepy, Diva, Chibi-Cthulhu:''' WHERE'VE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE/WHOLE MOVIE!?\ |
| 768 | '''Sin #8:''' '''N[-O-] M[-ISFITS-]? T[-HE-] FUCK?''' |
| 769 | [[/folder]] |
| 770 | |
| 771 | [[folder:MHTV: Titanic: The Legend Goes On (Uncut Version)]] |
| 772 | * The RunningGag of First Officer Stockard disapproving or approving of things. Possibly the best instance is when he tells the people rowing the lifeboat not to sit so far apart. |
| 773 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as Stockard]'' I disapprove of personal space! |
| 774 | * This dub: |
| 775 | -->'''Angelica:''' You know nothing about me. |
| 776 | -->'''William:''' Nothing you could tell me would prevent me from loving you. |
| 777 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[Angelica]'' I voted for Trump. |
| 778 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as William]'' Oh, well fuck you, then. |
| 779 | * The other RunningGag comparing this movie’s Gaston to [[WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast another famous Gaston.]] |
| 780 | -->'''William:''' I’m going on deck. Tell Gaston. |
| 781 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as William]'' …no more antlers in his decorating, it’s tacky! |
| 782 | * Diva’s response to Nanny’s CaptainObvious comment when evacuating. |
| 783 | -->'''Officer:''' You’re the last one, ma’am. On you go. |
| 784 | -->'''Nanny:''' We’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean! |
| 785 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as the officer]'' Uh, on second thought, you stay. We’ll give your seat to someone who understands the gravity of the situation. |
| 786 | |
| 787 | [[/folder]] |
| 788 | |
| 789 | [[folder:The Mighty Kong]] |
| 790 | * Even at the start, Diva still can't get her head round this mockbuster actually existing: |
| 791 | --> "Greetings, mortals. Welcome to another session of the infernal court of Musical Hell. I'm Diva, your judge, jury, executioner and this is a thing. Dear Lord of Darkness, why is this a thing?!" |
| 792 | |
| 793 | * Upon taking note of how Kong ends up referred to as a monkey several times in the movie despite obviously being an ape, Diva reveals herself to be quite familiar with Literature/DiscWorld: |
| 794 | -->"Sweet Lucifer, has the Librarian not taught you anything?!" |
| 795 | |
| 796 | * And a scene where Kong does a hole in one into an open manhole leads to Sin #9: Yes, the movie has sunken that low. |
| 797 | |
| 798 | * As if 9 sins weren't enough, the abrupt ending barely scraped the film to 10 sins: |
| 799 | --> "And everyone accepts the large displaced wildlife and the widespread destruction he caused by -- wait what the FUCK?! That's it?! Seriously, that's how you end your movie?! I didn't you could piss me off enough to push it to the 10th sin mark, but there you go! You got in right under the buzzer. Congratu-fucking-lations. |
| 800 | [[/folder]] |
| 801 | |
| 802 | [[folder:Pokémon Live!]] |
| 803 | * The intro where Diva feels recharged after [[ScheduleSlip taking a month off]]... and then comes ''this'' as her next case. |
| 804 | [[/folder]] |
| 805 | |
| 806 | [[folder:Z-O-M-B-I-E-S]] |
| 807 | * Upon being introduced to Addison's DarkSecret (her undyeable white hair), Diva asks if the secret is that she's Ashe from ''VideoGame/{{Overwatch}}''. |
| 808 | * When Addison's parents demand that they meet the guy she's dating (not knowing that he's a zombie): |
| 809 | -->'''Diva:''' This puts Addison in a bind as she's not yet ready to go all ''Film/GuessWhosComingToDinner, But Not to Eat Our Brains, I Promise''. |
| 810 | [[/folder]] |
| 811 | |
| 812 | [[folder:Elf Bowling: The Movie]] |
| 813 | * Dingle goes to his next plan, which is the same one he had a few minutes ago. |
| 814 | -->'''Diva:''' So Dingle moves to plan C; discrediting Lex's reputation with Santa...which is basically Plan A. Is this an evil scheme or a Rondo? |
| 815 | * The movie pulling a second and near identical Elf Bowling for Christmas gets [[AC:Sin #10: I stand corrected.]] |
| 816 | -->'''Diva:''' Look. I know this movie is called ''Elf Bowling'' and is based on a video game where Elf Bowling occurs, so naturally Elf Bowling was going to be shown at some point. But you already had one pointless Bowling for Christmas scene earlier and you do '''NOT''' get away with repeating it! And yes, this is an exact '''FUCKING''' repeat of what happened 30 minutes ago. |
| 817 | [[/folder]] |
| 818 | |
| 819 | [[folder:Doctor Dolittle]] |
| 820 | * Not too long after Diva finishes describing how the good doctor, as portrayed by Creator/RexHarrison, is a ''lot'' more of a jerk than the script intended, the viewers are treated to a scene immediately after Dolittle's sister has left him and he's effectively lost his credibility as a doctor for people in which the good doctor admits that "[he's] a terrible doctor. Probably the...worst doctor in the world." The subsequent response? |
| 821 | -->[[Film/LittleShopOfHorrors Audrey II]]: "[[CaptainObvious No shit Sherlock]]!" |
| 822 | * Her baffled reaction to the Doctor's notorious love ballad to a seal[[note]]complete with a sin card that says 'Ew'[[/note]]. |
| 823 | -->"You do know she's a seal? And married? And also, ''a seal''?" |
| 824 | [[/folder]] |
| 825 | |
| 826 | [[folder:Hi-Tops]] |
| 827 | * Diva's usual introduction is varied to allow her to vent her spleen about this play's genre: |
| 828 | -->'''Diva:''' I'm Diva, your judge, jury, executioner, and sweet Lucifer, I ''hate'' faith-based media.\ |
| 829 | '''[[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Marge Simpson]]:''' Well, ''duh.''[[note]] A clip from the episode "Flaming Homer".[[/note]]\ |
| 830 | ''[picture of the [=hotels.com=] mascot, Captain Obvious, with the caption "Thanks, Captain Obvious."]'' |
| 831 | * Donna shows up for a cameo - apparently, she draws the line at this film's portrayal of Heaven. |
| 832 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[regarding [[LouisCypher Louie]], the play's antagonist]'' This is perhaps the most over the top depiction of the boss I've ever seen, [[RunningGag and remember, I've seen this.]] ''[clip of Mr. Boogalow from ''Film/TheApple'']''\ |
| 833 | '''Donna:''' ''Hmph!'' At least ''they'' didn't turn your side into winged Franchise/PowerRangers with modulated voices!\ |
| 834 | '''Angel:''' ''[matching Donna's description]'' Hey, buster! I thought we told you to get off the premises!\ |
| 835 | '''Diva:''' Donna, I know you have issues with this-\ |
| 836 | '''Donna:''' Of ''course'' I have issues! Can you imagine what the heavenly chorus would sound like if we were going about talking like [[Franchise/StarWars Stormtroopers!?]]\ |
| 837 | '''Diva:''' Angel. I got this. Just... trust me and let me do my job, okay? |
| 838 | |
| 839 | * The Fad song, which had strange costumes inspired by: |
| 840 | --> Carmen Miranda? And Elvis? And uh, Conehead? And whoever this guy is supposed to be? And here I thought drugs were discouraged from evangelical circles. |
| 841 | [[/folder]] |
| 842 | |
| 843 | [[folder:Yellow Submarine]] |
| 844 | * "They trap Pepperland's protectors, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band... ''[cue [[Film/SgtPeppersLonelyHeartsClubBand the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton]]]'' not that one, thank Lucifer..." |
| 845 | * Diva holds off on handing out any punishments, as she says that the film isn't actually ''bad'', just not to her tastes.[[note]]Christi noted that it was put in the docket partly to honour a Patreon request.[[/note]] This leaves her feeling conflicted - until... |
| 846 | -->'''Diva:''' Can I just deal with an unnecessary sequel or a jukebox musical or... ''[''Film/MammaMiaHereWeGoAgain'' is the next case]'' Oh yes, that will do nicely, thank you! |
| 847 | [[/folder]] |
| 848 | |
| 849 | [[folder:Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again]] |
| 850 | * Diva lampshading her dislike of the title song with "Not that goddamn song again!" from ''Major League II''. |
| 851 | [[/folder]] |
| 852 | |
| 853 | [[folder:MHTV: Golden Films' "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"]] |
| 854 | * When François the donkey starts heehawing while leading Melody to the barn where her mother is held, which has a straw roof: |
| 855 | -->'''Melody:''' Is that it? Is that where they have mother?\ |
| 856 | '''Diva:''' ''[as François]'' How should I know, all I know is that roof looks delicious! |
| 857 | * Diva's reaction to the ending, where Quasimodo becomes handsome out of nowhere. |
| 858 | -->'''Diva:''' [[FlatWhat What...the fuck?]] |
| 859 | ** Shortly after she declares it the stupidest ending to an adaptation of ''The Hunchback of Notre Dame'' ever. |
| 860 | -->'''Diva:''' And yes, I am including the one where he gets ''[[CallBack fucking angel wings!]]'' |
| 861 | [[/folder]] |
| 862 | |
| 863 | [[folder:MHTV: Creating Rem Lezar]] |
| 864 | * Zack is sent to the principal's office, who has a bust of Napoleon on his desk. |
| 865 | -->'''Principal:''' What are we going to do about you, Zack?\ |
| 866 | '''Diva:''' ''[as the principal]'' Napoleon is very disappointed in you, my boy. |
| 867 | * Zack gives the principal a telling-off, accusing him of not caring about his children. |
| 868 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as Zack]'' You'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes, old man! |
| 869 | * Ashlee feels unfairly treated like her mother and like nobody understands her. |
| 870 | -->'''Ashlee:''' Why can't they understand? Rem Lezar...\ |
| 871 | '''Diva:''' They might understand if you weren't speaking in tongues. |
| 872 | * Ashlee proves to Zack that she knows about Rem Lezar by showing him a picture of him she made. |
| 873 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as Zack]'' She knows. I'll have to kill her now. |
| 874 | * When Zack and Ashlee decide that they need to get Rem Lezar a medallion to bring him to life, lightning strikes outside. |
| 875 | -->'''Diva:''' Thou shalt not make graven images of Rem Lezar! |
| 876 | [[/folder]] |
| 877 | |
| 878 | [[folder:Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night]] |
| 879 | * Diva warns the Emperor that he should tread lightly in his agreement with Pinocchio or the wrong move could undo his evil scheme. ...Then the Emperor '''[[NiceJobFixingItVillain does]]''' mess it up and goes back on his word. Diva has every right to play the Mass {{Facepalm}} clip. |
| 880 | [[/folder]] |
| 881 | |
| 882 | [[folder:The Lion King (2019)]] |
| 883 | * The ActorAllusion once Zazu's "morning report" starts: |
| 884 | -->[[Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver Our main story tonight concerns]] peacocks, the drag queens of the animal kingdom! |
| 885 | * "Sweet Lucifer, what have they done to 'Be Prepared'?!" Diva is appalled that Scar's VillainSong was replaced with a monotonous rant that ends with him just screaming the title of the song... and she [[TakeThat thusly dubs it]] "the [[UsefulNotes/DonaldTrump Trump]] Twitter account of villain songs." |
| 886 | * Once the Hula scene is replaced with "Be Our Guest", Diva is rightfully enraged: |
| 887 | -->'''Diva:''' No! Bad movie, bad! You go sit in a corner with ''Film/{{Descendants}}'' and think about what you've done! |
| 888 | [[/folder]] |
| 889 | |
| 890 | %%[[folder:La La Land]] |
| 891 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 892 | %% |
| 893 | [[folder: Cats (2019)]] |
| 894 | * The segment with other reviewers discussing the movie, highlighted by Emily of Stealing Focus breaking into "Memories" and finishing off by saying "That's why I'm a dog person". |
| 895 | * "They really, ''really'' do not want to know what this movie's version of a dog looks like." |
| 896 | [[/folder]] |
| 897 | |
| 898 | [[folder:Basmati Blues]] |
| 899 | * Diva's description of "When Tomorrow Comes" as a bad vacation advertisement: |
| 900 | -->'''Diva:''' Pretend to get cultured with Non-Threatening Travels, for people who want to see the world without engaging in it. |
| 901 | * Diva describes the romance between Linda and Rajit: |
| 902 | -->'''Diva:''' I've just realized something. If you take all the tired, overused romantic comedy beats and mix them up at random, [[BaitAndSwitch they're still tired and overused.]] |
| 903 | * Diva's opinion on the scene where Linda visits Rajit in prison: |
| 904 | -->'''Linda:''' I don't know why I even came here...\ |
| 905 | '''Diva:''' I don't know why you did either. What was the purpose of that scene?! |
| 906 | * Her explaination of why William had a change of heart in the third act: |
| 907 | -->'''Diva:''' The train is stalled by William because... something, something, his father, I don't know. Rajit and Linda were changing their attitudes every scene, he probably felt left out. |
| 908 | [[/folder]] |
| 909 | |
| 910 | [[folder:Descendants 3]] |
| 911 | * Diva closes by saying that she's going on a furious rant, and nobody will stop her! Then soon after she starts, Christi cuts the feed for an announcement, even asking that no one let Diva know she is being interrupted (and indeed, when it returns to her in an OrphanedPunchline, she doesn't even notice). |
| 912 | [[/folder]] |
| 913 | |
| 914 | %%[[folder:Rockula]] |
| 915 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 916 | %% |
| 917 | [[folder:MHTV: Noah's Ark]] |
| 918 | * The evil king is introduced yelling about how he doesn't have enough treasure. |
| 919 | -->'''Diva:''' [[Creator/{{Amazon}} Jeff Bezos]] looks at his account balance. |
| 920 | * Princess Rachel is horrified when she finds out that her father has [[ArrangedMarriage arranged for her to be married]] against her will. |
| 921 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[as Rachel]'' I'm starting to think you're not a very nice greedy tyrannical monarch! |
| 922 | ** Even better, her new husband-to-be is named King Colossus. |
| 923 | --->'''Diva:''' All I’ll say is a guy named Colossus ''must'' be compensating for something… |
| 924 | [[/folder]] |
| 925 | |
| 926 | [[folder:The Country Bears]] |
| 927 | * Diva loses her train of thought while comparing the scene of the wager of Zeb's honey tab against the band's bus in a musical "duel" to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia": |
| 928 | -->'''Diva:''' Can I just point out how ''grossly'' inaccurate that song is? Very few demons actually ''own'' golden fiddles, and those that do are ''certainly'' not offering them up as stakes in soul transactions!... Sorry, where was I? |
| 929 | * After two bad Disney live-action musicals in a row, Diva pleads for something different, anything different... having learned nothing from tumbling headfirst into TemptingFate at the end of several previous cases: |
| 930 | -->'''Diva:''' This session of the infernal court in Musical Hell is now adjourned, and please let the next case be ''anything'' but a bad Disney cash grab... ''[realises her poor choice of words]'' No. No, I didn't mean ''anything'', don't you ''dare'' use that as an excuse to send me something ''truly'' heinous like ''[the next case is revealed to be ''Film/{{Music|2021}}'']'' oh, '''for fuck's sake!''' |
| 931 | [[/folder]] |
| 932 | |
| 933 | [[folder:MHTV: Rolf Kauka's Once Upon a Time]] |
| 934 | * Diva's opinion on the movie's take on "Hallelujah" during the scene Mary-Lou's mother and Mr. Bottle are "married": |
| 935 | -->'''Diva:''' Wow, Handel's first draft was a bit of a mess. (...) I'm not sure if this is a ''cold'' Hallelujah, but it's definitely a ''broken'' one. |
| 936 | * The RunningGag of Diva commentating that Mr. Bottle does ''not'' drink from a bottle, despite either the narration or Mr. Bottle talking about how he drinks from one. |
| 937 | -->'''Mr. Bottle:''' Have you seen my bottle? |
| 938 | -->'''Diva:''' ''I'' haven't seen your bottle! |
| 939 | [[/folder]] |
| 940 | |
| 941 | [[folder:Mulan II]] |
| 942 | * According to Diva, the character's full name is 'Bisexual Icon Li Shang'. She later amends 'General Bisexual Icon Li Shang'. |
| 943 | [[/folder]] |
| 944 | |
| 945 | [[folder:Cinderella (2021)]] |
| 946 | * The mere presence of Creator/JamesCorden is enough for Diva to give the film a sin. When she's giving the sentences, she declares Corden shall alienate those around him until he dies un-mourned. ...before she remarks [[BaitAndSwitch this isn't a sentence]]: she was just [[StealthInsult stating the obvious]]. |
| 947 | [[/folder]] |
| 948 | |
| 949 | [[folder: Vox Lux]] |
| 950 | * As Diva begins her intro, suddenly La Femme Fictionale pops into Hell with a rather blase attitude, explaining that having lived in Texas in July with no air conditioning, she's not concerned about the heat. |
| 951 | * Diva tears into how the film's school shooting perpetuates some myths about Columbine like the shooter being a tragic misfit and the girl whose parents claimed tried to pray with the shooter only to be killed, with no true evidence that occurred. |
| 952 | -->'''La Femme''': So are you going to get in trouble if we skip ahead? I just...I don't feel like snarking on something so atrocious yet so normalized. |
| 953 | -->'''Diva''': Look, I may be a demon but [[EveryoneHasStandards I have standards.]] |
| 954 | [[/folder]] |
| 955 | |
| 956 | [[folder:Charming]] |
| 957 | * The way Lenore's curse to never be loved causes many plotholes and makes Diva lose her cool. |
| 958 | -->'''Diva:''' '''THIS. MAKES. NO. FUCKING. SENSE'''. |
| 959 | * The ending also warrants Sin #10: FUCK THIS ENDING |
| 960 | -->'''Diva:''' Sweet Lucifer, I hate this movie '''SO MUCH'''! |
| 961 | [[/folder]] |
| 962 | |
| 963 | [[folder:Saturday's Warrior]] |
| 964 | * Donna returns, not exactly with her superiors' blessing, to persuade Diva to take aim at the 2016 film version of this musical about the Mormon community. Diva agrees, but on one condition: |
| 965 | -->'''Diva:''' ''[listlessly, as ''Danse macabre'' plays as usual]'' Greetings, mortals, welcome to another session in the infernal court of Musical Hell, I'm Diva, ''["Psst!"]'' your judge, jury, executioner, ''["PSST!"]'' and ''[RecordNeedleScratch]'' what '''is''' that, is there a sulphur leak in here!?\ |
| 966 | '''Donna:''' Over here!\ |
| 967 | '''Diva:''' Donna? What the here ''is'' this? No celestial strains of Mozart? No "Salutations and blessings upon thee"?\ |
| 968 | '''Donna:''' Well, I... know how very busy you are these days, I didn't want to rudely intrude on your schedule!\ |
| 969 | '''Diva:''' You're here off the record, aren't you?\ |
| 970 | '''Donna:''' ... My visit might be ''somewhat'' less than officially sanctioned, yes.\ |
| 971 | '''Diva:''' Huh... all right, I could use a bit of novelty, [[Theatre/ByeByeBirdie what's the story, holy glory?]]\ |
| 972 | '''Donna:''' It seems there's a production that certain members of my faction are eager to see come before your tribunal, and... well, here. ''[the poster for ''Saturday's Warrior'' appears]''\ |
| 973 | '''Diva:''' Sweet Lucifer, is that ''Saturday's Warrior''!? Are you ''trying'' to get me on the Latter-Day Saints' shit list?! You know those Kirton [=McConkie=] lawyers make ''ours'' look principled, right?\ |
| 974 | '''Donna:''' I know, but... it's ''not'' a very good musical! And honestly, someone needs to say it!\ |
| 975 | '''Diva:''' So why don't ''you'' tell them? Mormons have that thing where literally ''any'' of them can receive divine revelation! Just show up to some random Salt Lake City tour guide and-\ |
| 976 | '''Donna:''' They don't actually ''listen'' to us! It took ''decades'' to get anywhere with them on the matter of race, and we haven't even gotten to square one where women are concerned! Besides, it might actually ''soften'' the blow coming from your end. If they don't like it, they can just dismiss it as your normal evil routine.\ |
| 977 | '''Diva:''' ''[sighs heavily]'' Figures that I end up doing your dirty work. Fine, but you're joining me!\ |
| 978 | '''Donna:''' What? No! I-I'm just the messenger!\ |
| 979 | '''Diva:''' So, help me message some ''context'' into this LDS trip! You can always claim I forced you into it.\ |
| 980 | '''Donna:''' Oh... all right, but don't expect me to be happy about it!\ |
| 981 | '''Diva:''' What can I say, misery loves company. |
| 982 | * Donna's black comedic take on some aspects of the film's theology shocks [[EvenEvilHasStandards even Diva]]: |
| 983 | -->''[as future romantic partners Todd and Julie are offered the chance to be born into the same family, their initial enthusiasm for which quickly fades as the implications sink in]''\ |
| 984 | '''Donna:''' No, it's fine, you'll go down first to one of those fundamentalist sects, she'll be the daughter of your second or third wife, and you can take it from there!\ |
| 985 | '''Diva:''' ''[stunned]'' Sweet Lucifer, even ''I'' thought that was dark!\ |
| 986 | '''Donna:''' I've read ''Under the Banner of Heaven'', it... tends to stay with you. |
| 987 | * Eventually, Donna reaches breaking point, giving us our first taste of Musical Heavenly wrath: |
| 988 | -->''[after Jim has just heard over the phone that his sister Pam has died from post-surgical complications, or, as Diva describes it, TooGoodForThisSinfulEarth syndrome]''\ |
| 989 | '''Donna:''' So... we are led to understand that Pam's brief life of suffering and tragedy did indeed have a purpose, and that purpose was to be a [[InspirationallyDisadvantaged saintly model disabled person]] who exists to inspire those more fortunate, before dying for the express purpose of shaming her prodigal brother back into the fold?\ |
| 990 | '''Diva:''' That's the long and the short of it, yeah.\ |
| 991 | '''Donna:''' But that... that's ''horrible!'' That's ''monstrous!'' That's a level of deliberate sadism and callous indifference we'd normally expect from ''your'' end! The mother in "Christmas Shoes" had it better than that!\ |
| 992 | '''Diva:''' ''[chuckles]'' Yes, let the hate flow through you!\ |
| 993 | '''Donna:''' ''[as a BoltOfDivineRetribution sounds in the background, her face is blurred by a LensFlare, and her voice becomes heavily reverberant]'' Where are the ones called Doug Stewart and Lex de Azevedo!? The wrath of the heavens shall be ''[thunderclap]'' poured out upon them! ''[more thunder]'' Their sufferings shall endure even unto the seventh generation!\ |
| 994 | '''Diva:''' Aaaand that's enough hate flowing for now. |
| 995 | * When a woman in the park turns away the missionaries by [[BlatantLies saying that she doesn't speak English,]] Diva immediately declares her to be the best character in the movie. |
| 996 | [[/folder]] |
| 997 | |
| 998 | [[folder:Playmobil: The Movie]] |
| 999 | * Because the original review was taken down for copyright reasons, Christi uploaded a different version of the video, with some changes. The new video replaced the footage of the movie with footage from all kinds of older movies, and any scenes where dialogue was used was replaced by Christi [[StylisticSuck reenacting the scenes with her own Playmobil figures, a LEGO minifigure, and figures of]] [[WesternAnimation/{{Tangled}} Flynn Rider]], [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Gypsy, and Tom Servo]], in addition to changing the dialogue to reflect her feelings on the movie. Some highlights include... |
| 1000 | ** Marla's IWantSong: |
| 1001 | --->'''Diva!Marla''': La la la~! [[WesternAnimation/TheLegoMovie Everything is awesome]], [[WritingAroundTrademarks but in a way where LEGO won't sue us]]! La la la~! |
| 1002 | ** When Marla first wakes up in the Playmobil world: |
| 1003 | --->'''Diva!Marla''': Oh no! I've lost half my joints and can't stand or walk! [[AbortedArc This will never be a problem after this one scene]]! |
| 1004 | ** This bit regarding the Viking song: |
| 1005 | --->'''Diva!Charlie''': You suck Marla! Slaughtering enemies is fun! |
| 1006 | ** A summary of Marla and Del's scenes: |
| 1007 | --->'''Diva!Del''': I make fun of you to satisfy my fragile ego.\ |
| 1008 | '''Diva!Marla''': I put up with you because I have no other options. |
| 1009 | ** [[BigBad Emperor Maximus]]' VillainSong: |
| 1010 | --->'''Diva!Maximus''': La la la! My subjects love it when people get eaten in front of them! |
| 1011 | ** The introduction of Rex Dasher: |
| 1012 | --->'''Diva!Rex''': I'm Rex Dasher. I'm every British spy parody and I have my own theme music. |
| 1013 | ** Charlie and his crew are [[HopeSpot about to escape from Maximus.]] Unfortunately they [[FailedASpotCheck forget to untie the ship]] which Christi decides to represent by dropping her toys onto the table. |
| 1014 | ** The ThirdActMisunderstanding: |
| 1015 | --->'''Diva!Del''': You suck, Marla! You ruin everything!\ |
| 1016 | '''Diva!Marla''': Oh no! Don't leave me! Oh no, the third act despair! Noooo! |
| 1017 | ** When it starts raining after [[CueTheRain Marla says things couldn't get worse]], Christi just pours some water onto her toys. |
| 1018 | * Diva describes Del as [[Franchise/StarWars Han Solo]] without the charm or style. |
| 1019 | * When Diva reaches the point of describing the moment in which the T. Rex, having at this point been heavily built up long before its eventual reveal to be one of the strongest and most utterly dangerous and scary creatures in the entire Playmobil world, finally steps into the light and actually gets seen by the viewers...well let's just say that, in Diva's point of view, TerrifyingTyrannosaur this [[SubvertedTrope is not]]. |
| 1020 | --> '''Diva''': This isn't scary! This looks like the gay cousin of Rex from ''Franchise/ToyStory''! |
| 1021 | [[/folder]] |
| 1022 | |
| 1023 | [[folder:Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 3]] |
| 1024 | * Diva wonders if there's Zed x Addison x Aspen fanfic out there, but doesn't want to seek it out for the sake of her remaining sanity. |
| 1025 | * The aliens reveal [[GreenAesop their planet was destroyed after years of careless environmental destruction]]. Diva awkwardly asks if they have advice on how to escape when something like that happens. "Asking for a... friend planet." |
| 1026 | * Due to the alliterative pattern with the supernatural characters' names, Diva assumes Bucky and Bri to be banshees or [[Film/TheBabadook Babadooks]]. |
| 1027 | * When Addison reveals Earth is the aliens' utopia, a clip from the "[[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons It Was Earth All Along]]" song plays. Then Diva adds the reveal as a sin ("Sin 8: Are you kidding?"), calling out the unnecessarily complicated map with, "It's not a fucking escape room!" |
| 1028 | * At the end of the review, Diva rhetorically asks what could be lazier than the film's half-assed racism allegories, falling headfirst into TemptingFate yet again: |
| 1029 | -->''[a poster for ''WesternAnimation/TomAndJerryWillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory'' appears with the caption "NEXT CASE"]''\ |
| 1030 | '''Diva:''' ''[deflated]'' [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder I had to ask...]] |
| 1031 | [[/folder]] |
| 1032 | |
| 1033 | [[folder:Hoodwinked]] |
| 1034 | * "So Red fends The Wolf off with kung fu… ''[sighs]'' Yeah, it’s one of ''those'' fairy tale retellings…" |
| 1035 | [[/folder]] |
| 1036 | |
| 1037 | [[folder:The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure]] |
| 1038 | * Diva sins "They were the last five magical balloons in all of Lovely Loveville!" as the single stupidest line she's ever heard on the series. |
| 1039 | * Diva describes J. Edgar's crush on Windy Window as "wanting to find out if her drapes match her carpet." Cue booing sound effects. |
| 1040 | -->'''Diva''': Tasteless comments are the only thing keeping me sane right now! |
| 1041 | * When Milky Marvin insists the Oogieloves moo to get their milkshakes, Diva plays a clip of Maureen Johnson saying "Moo with me!" |
| 1042 | * Diva remarks that "Rules-Lawyer Llama" (referencing the llama who prevents the Oogieloves from biking or running on the grass) is AGoodNameForARockBand. |
| 1043 | [[/folder]] |
| 1044 | |
| 1045 | [[folder:Musical Hell TV: Tarzan of the Apes]] |
| 1046 | * The RunningGag of how high-pitched the maid Esmeralda's voice is. |
| 1047 | -->'''Esmeralda''': Oh no, [the locket's] clasp is broken! |
| 1048 | -->'''Diva''': And so are my eardrums. |
| 1049 | * Kerchak runs towards a waterfall during his battle with Tarzan, and Diva can’t resist the obvious reference. |
| 1050 | -->'''Diva!Kerchak''': Sun Wukong, it’s me, your old buddy Kerchak! Lemme in! |
| 1051 | * During the DisneyAcidSequence that is Tarzan and Jane’s DistantDuet, when Tarzan turns into the sun, Diva sings in time to the melody "You are the sun~ I’m tripping balls~ " |
| 1052 | * The church Jane is to marry Lord Greystroke in catches fire, and with all the smoke everyone is rendered as silhouettes, prompting: |
| 1053 | -->'''Tarzan''': *picking Jane up* Don’t worry, Jane. I’ve got you. |
| 1054 | -->'''Diva!Woman''': Uhm, my name is Louise. |
| 1055 | -->'''Diva!Tarzan''': Oh, darn it. Listen, can you tell me which of these vague feminine silhouettes is Jane? |
| 1056 | |
| 1057 | [[/folder]] |
| 1058 |
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