1 | * A little dark if you're watching it with your grandpa or grandma, but the scene with Sonny and Vanessa ''discussing'' her new much-older boyfriend. |
2 | --> '''Vanessa''': He has a five-year plan. |
3 | --> '''Sonny''': What is it? "Don't die"? |
4 | ** [[DisapprovingLook Sid's reaction to that.]] |
5 | ** This dialogue: |
6 | -->'''Sid:''' You know, you remind me of my grandson. [[DidntThinkThisThrough He didn't think things through]].\ |
7 | '''Sonny:''' Hey, Old Man River, zip it or I'll break your hip!\ |
8 | '''Sid:''' ''(whispers to Vanessa)'' I like to see him try.\ |
9 | '''Vanessa:''' ''(whispers back)'' Shut up, Sid. |
10 | ** "I know you'll be missing me when you got that old white, wrinkly body on top of you, with his... loose skin and old... ''balls''... gross!" |
11 | ** Later, he makes a remark about how his ex "is banging the Pepperidge Farm guy". |
12 | * The fact that poor little Julian has to take a leak about every five mintues. |
13 | --> '''Sonny''': ''(to a couple of old ladies watching Julian pee)'' What's your name? He'll write it on the wall. Mind your business! |
14 | * When Sonny steps on Julian's Scuba Steve doll. |
15 | --> '''Sonny''': Owwww! Scuba Steve! Damn you! |
16 | * When Julian and Nazo, the Delivery Guy are learning how to read. |
17 | --> '''Julian''': Electricity. Constitution. Philadelphia. |
18 | --> '''Nazo''': Fish. Pony. ''(when trying to read the word Hippopotamus)'' ...Hip? Hip hop? Hip hop anonymous? ''(Sonny just stares at him)'' Damn you! You gave him the easy ones! |
19 | * Mr. Herlihy is a cross between this, and being a complete and total ass. He also makes a lousy character witness. |
20 | --> '''Mr. Herlihy''': Koufax is a good egg. He was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here, miss. What are you gonna do about it? Ha-ha-ha. |
21 | --> '''Sonny''': What, are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy? |
22 | --> '''Mr. Herlihy''': Well, I-I had a few Chardonnays. What of it? |
23 | --> '''Sonny''': Get off the stand, please. |
24 | ** This description of him. |
25 | --> '''Sonny''' ''(to Julian)'' He drinks a lot of soda. |
26 | * Julian's kindergarten teacher gets one of the best lines. |
27 | ** "One of the children wore rollerblades for show and tell, and Julian ''tripped him'' with a ''stick''!" |
28 | ** She's also concerned about Julian's bathing habits. |
29 | --> '''Sonny''': [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone I let him become the smelly kid in class? What the hell's the matter with me?]] |
30 | --> '''Teacher''': [[SeriousBusiness I've had some smelly kids in the past]], but your son is ''by far'' the smelliest. |
31 | * "I watched ''WesternAnimation/{{Fantasia}}'' a lot. And one day it just clicked." |
32 | * Sonny tries to order breakfast at [=McDonald=]'s, past 10:30, when breakfast is no longer served. |
33 | -->'''Cashier''': Hi. Welcome to [=McDonald's=]. What can I get for you? |
34 | -->'''Sonny''': ''(to Julian)'' Okay, what do you want? |
35 | -->'''Julian''': Cheerios. |
36 | -->'''Sonny''': Cheerios? They don't have Cheerios. What else do you want? |
37 | -->'''Julian''': Lasagna. |
38 | -->'''Sonny''': Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? ''(to cashier)'' Uh, we'll take hot cakes and sausage. |
39 | -->'''Cashier''': Uh, sorry, sir, but we've stopped serving breakfast. |
40 | -->'''Sonny''': What? What are you talking about? We're 4 seconds late! |
41 | -->'''Cashier:''' No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30. |
42 | -->'''Sonny:''' AW, HORSESHIT! [[note]]"OH NO!" in television broadcasts[[/note]] |
43 | -->''(A random customer is startled by this. Julian cries)'' |
44 | -->'''Sonny:''' I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at the lady. |
45 | -->''(The cashier is feeling awkward right now)'' |
46 | -->'''Another [=McDonald's=] customer''': Nice parenting. |
47 | -->'''Sonny''': Thanks. What are you, my therapist? ''(takes customer's fries and throws them over his back)'' Take a walk! ''(to Julian)'' Do you want one of those Happy Meals? Do you want me to get you a Happy Meal? ''(Julian screams)'' WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?! |
48 | * The random goth dude: |
49 | -->'''Sonny''': You're mad at your dad, not at me. I forgive you!\ |
50 | '''Goth''' ''(walking away and sobbing quietly)'': I am, I am. I hate my father. |
51 | * When Sonny decides to adopt Julian: |
52 | -->'''Tommy Grayton''' ''(sitting beside his boyfriend)'': Way to sleep on it, pal! |
53 | -->'''Sonny''': Hey! You two wanna get married? I support that, leave me alone. |
54 | * Sonny's reaction to the kangaroo song video. |
55 | --> '''Sonny''': [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe I can't take this shit, are you serious]]? |
56 | * Sonny pats the passed-out Nazo in the groin. And a few scenes down the montage, he's ''still'' passed out. |
57 | * Kevin's BigDamnHeroes moment is a bit undercut when he first arrives at Sonny's trial. "I'm sorry, am I in the right room?" |
58 | * When Sonny gives Julian a slingshot, telling him to go have fun and shoot a few beer cans. |
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