1 | Awesome moments of Website/TheOnion. |
2 | ---- |
3 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-and-dad-im-gay-and-also-stronger-than-both-of,21017/ Mom And Dad, I'm Gay And Also Stronger Than Both Of You, So Don't Try Any Shit.]] |
4 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alien-world-to-help-out-syria-since-this-one-refus,27620/ Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To.]] |
5 | -->''At press time, with the U.N. continuing to urge Syria to allow the delivery of humanitarian aid, the sound of artillery had paused as [[OhCrap 100,000 spacecraft filled the sky.]]'' |
6 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack]], a parody of common pro-gun arguments in American politics. |
7 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/edward-snowdens-life-just-flatout-fun-and-exciting,33339/ Edward Snowden's Life Just Flat-Out Fun And Exciting.]] |
8 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/ Heroic Broken Sewage Pipe Floods Congress With Human Waste.]] |
9 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hijackers-surprised-to-find-selves-in-hell,1445/ Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell.]] Good show, Onion. Good show. |
10 | ** In a similar vein, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/ God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule]]". Even though it ends with God suffering a HeroicBSOD, He makes it absolutely clear that His "ThouShaltNotKill" Commandment is NOT open to interpretation: |
11 | --> '''God:''' "Can't you people see? [[HumansAreMorons What are you, morons?]] There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism... every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you're supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It's not that hard a concept to grasp. Why would you think I'd want anything else? Humans don't need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other -- you've been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes! The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get? '''[[RageBreakingPoint I'm talking to all of you, here! Do you hear Me?! I don't want you to kill anybody! I'm against it, across the board! How many times do I have to say it?! Don't kill each other anymore--ever!]] ''I'M [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] SERIOUS!!!'''''" |
12 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fred-phelps-man-who-forever-stopped-march-of-gay-r,35582/ Fred Phelps, Man Who Forever Stopped March Of Gay Rights, Dead At 84]], an awesomely sarcastic TakeThat against Phelps' anti-gay crusade. |
13 | -->''"I can safely say that the name Fred Phelps will never, ever be forgotten, and that his entire life's efforts--his very existence--was most certainly not in vain."'' |
14 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-francis-pursues-sinner-across-vatican-city-ro,35923/ Pope Francis Pursues Sinner Across Vatican City Rooftops.]] |
15 | * [[http://www.theonion.com/video/time-announces-new-version-of-magazine-aimed-at-ad,17950/ Time Announces New Version of Magazine Aimed At Adults.]] Just brutal and so funny. |
16 | * Several articles portray US Secretary of State John Kerry as [[http://www.theonion.com/article/john-kerry-jettisons-russian-henchmen-internationa-53120 some kind of]] [[http://www.theonion.com/article/case-mr-kerry-give-me-case-demands-malaysian-ambas-53916 action]] [[http://www.theonion.com/article/john-kerry-scrambles-stop-bunkers-self-destruct-se-54158 hero]]. |
17 | * Every time a mass shooting in the U.S. happens, they run an article about it with the same headline every time: "'No Way To Prevent This', Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens". It's an awesome retort to the bullshit argument that there is no way to prevent further mass shootings. |
18 | ** [[https://politics.theonion.com/idea-of-doing-nothing-until-next-mass-shooting-quickly-1823399145 Idea Of Doing Nothing Until Next Mass Shooting Quickly Gaining Traction In Congress]] and [[https://www.theonion.com/concerned-nra-official-rushes-out-to-purchase-congressm-1819578951 Concerned NRA Official Rushes Out To Purchase Congressman Following Mass Shooting]] are pretty brutal too. |
19 | * [[https://www.theonion.com/death-of-parents-boosts-area-womans-self-esteem-1819567743 This article]], for showing how a woman long tormented by her cold, critical parents was able to overcome her problems after their deaths in a car accident. |
20 | * Some of the stuff Clifford Banes get up to, like [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RrreVthWRY fighting his nemesis atop an abandoned clock tower.]] |
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