History Recap / TalesFromTheCryptS5E1DeathOfSomeSalesmen

* TheWoobie:
** Mrs. Jones, whose husband recently died of cancer and was robbed of the very little money she had after the funeral by Judd.
** The waitress in the intro also counts, since she thought Judd loved her and wanted to take her away from her menial job.

->''(a man is seen being hung to death from a noose, advertised as a buyable product on the "Home Chopping Network"; the Crypt Keeper appears superimposed over the scene)''\\
'''Crypt Keeper:''' ''(wearing a toupee and dressed as a salesperson)'' Well, kiddies, I'm afraid our designer ''hanger'' offer has expired. Would somebody please get Mr. De la Renta out of here? ''(the noose is cut, dropping the dead man out of frame)'' Next up on the home ''chopping'' network, ''(the camera pans over a collection of beauty products, ending with a skeletal hand holding some mascara)'' it's time for the Crypt Keeper's fashion ''boo''-tique. Today, we're featuring my full line of Après Vie ''death'' care products. We've got everything from face ''scream'' to mas-''scare''-a. Try some! It's the best thing you can do for...''dem-ise.'' ''(cackles)'' Or maybe I could interest you in tonight's special. It's a tasteless tidbit about a traveling cemetery plot salesmen who's about to make a ''grave'' mistake. I call it: '''Death of Some Salesmen.'''

Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a smooth-talking traveling salesman who makes his living selling burial plots for Restful Hills Memorial Park... a cemetery that doesn't actually exist. He combs the obituary pages and visits the families of people who have recently died, in order to persuade them to finish paying for a death benefits package that the deceased (supposedly) signed up for. One day, he takes a wrong turn and ends up at a farmhouse where the elderly Ma (Creator/TimCurry) and Pa (also Tim Curry) Brackett live. He gives them his sales pitch and persuades them to buy a benefits package, promising to take them to see the supposed cemetery the next day. While waiting in the kitchen for Pa to get the money, Judd finds a man's severed head in the microwave, and the body of a second man in the closet, impaled through the mouth with a vacuum cleaner hose. He tries to flee the house only to find the door locked, and Pa clubs him unconscious.

Judd wakes up to find his wrists and ankles cuffed/tied together and hears Pa planning to kill him. The Bracketts reveal to Judd that they've developed a burning hatred for salesmen after being swindled once too often, and Pa shows off a salesman's body stuffed into their color TV set to make his point. However, Ma and Pa decide to give their daughter Winona ([[RuleOfThree also also Tim Curry]]) a chance at him. Judd soon finds that Winona is repulsively ugly, but he manages to use all of his charm and willpower to force himself to become sexually aroused in order to convince her that he loves her. After some highly unpleasant sex, Winona tells Judd that her parents have amassed a large cash dowry for her, taking money from all the salesmen they've killed. His greed sparked, Judd agrees to marry her to get the cash and escape.

Pa officiates the ceremony, but he refuses to undo Judd's restraints. In a fit of rage, Winona kills him by strangling him and breaking his neck, then bashes Ma's head against the floor until she dies as well. Winona releases Judd and takes him to the basement, where the dowry is buried, but Judd shoots her with a revolver dropped by Pa and starts digging on his own. He soon finds a box that contains one of his own phony cemetery plot deeds - with his name written on it. He looks up from the hole to find all three Bracketts standing over him and laughing, having faked their deaths and tricked Judd into setting up his own death for one of their twisted games. Pa gleefully loads a double-barreled shotgun and shoots Judd point blank in the face.

!!Tropes:
* AbhorrentAdmirer: The hideously ugly Winona has quite the attraction to Judd.
* AbusiveParents: If what she says is true, Winona hates the way her parents treat her, always calling her a lost cause. She grows enamored with Judd and wants to marry him so she can run from home.
* ActingForTwo: Or three, in this case. Creator/TimCurry portrays Ma, Pa, and Winona. His role(s) in the episode earned him an Emmy nomination.
* AdaptationalNameChange: In the comic the salesman is named Stuart Thatcher; here the salesman is named Judd Campbell.
* AdaptationalVillainy: In the comic, Stuart Thatcher was a legitimate and honest salesman who only stopped at the Bracketts' house because his car broke down and he needed to call a tow truck. Here, Judd Campbell is a con artist who fleeces innocent people by preying on their grief, so he's a lot more deserving of his punishment.
* AdaptationalJobChange: In the comic after the couple show Stuart Thatcher how they used the products on the salesman who sold them all that stuff, they go see what Stuart Thatcher was selling so they can use it on him. It turns out to be a meat slicer and the story ends before they start cutting. Here Judd Campbell is a burial plots salesman (or rather pretends he is) who after seemingly killing the family, learns that they planned a plot of land just for him to stay in.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: As Judd starts to wake up after being knocked out, Pa is wiping down the barrel of his revolver while keeping his finger on the trigger. Given who we're talking about, it's probably not very surprising.
* AssholeVictim: Judd, who cheats people out of their riches by preying on their love for their deceased relatives, is kidnapped by a family of rednecks, raped by their hideous daughter, tricked into digging his own grave, and shot in the face with a shotgun.
* TheBadGuyWins: The Bracketts come out on top, making Judd their latest victim.
* BaldOfEvil: Pa, who kills Judd, is notably balding.
* BatterUp: When Judd tries to run away after finding the corpses of other salesmen, Pa knocks him out cold with a baseball bat.
* BerserkButton: The Bracketts ''hate'' being swindled, so they've killed fraudulent salesmen with their own products. This button has gradually escalated to simply ''having'' a salesman in their presence.
* BlackComedyRape: Judd being raped by Winona. It's unsettling if not hilarious.
* TheCameo: Creator/YvonneDeCarlo, [[Series/TheMunsters Lily Munster]] herself, appears as Mrs. Jones, who Judd swindles out of her life savings.
* CanonForeigner: Winona. In the comic, the salesman only encountered a husband and wife.
* CreepySouvenir: The Bracketts have kept the products of every salesman who's tried to swindle them -- along with the bodies of said salesmen (or parts thereof) -- as trophies of their victories.
* ConMan: For all intents and purposes, Judd isn't so much of a salesman as he is a swindler.
* DiesDifferentlyInAdaptation: We never actually saw him die, but the salesman in the original comic was revealed to be selling deli slicers, implying the couple were going to use it on him. Judd sells "burial plots", so the Bracketts trick him into digging his grave for them and then shooting him in the face with a shotgun.
* DigYourOwnGrave: The Bracketts end up tricking Judd into doing this in their basement, as he's looking for their cash dowry. The only thing he actually finds in the hole is one of his phony cemetery permits with his name on it... minutes before he's shot in the face.
* DisneyDeath: Ma, Pa and Winona, who were faking their deaths as part of their ploy on Judd.
* DisproportionateRetribution: The Bracketts kill salesmen simply because their products turned out to be shoddy.
* DueToTheDead: Averted with Judd, who uses people's love for their dead relatives to dupe them out of their money by lying that the deceased had signed up for one of his benefits packages.

* EvilIsHammy: All three Bracketts are psychotic and pretty big in the ham department. It's justifiable since all three are played by Creator/TimCurry.

* ExactWords: Judd got a waitress into bed this way, pulling this card when she rightfully calls him out on it.
-->'''The Waitress:''' So you lied to me.\\

* FauxAffablyEvil: Judd turns on the theatrics when he's discussing business with potential customers.

* {{Fanservice}}: The opening sex scene of the episode, with Judd and a diner waitress going at it.
* FatalFlaw: Judd's unending need for money. It ends up having him trying to swindle a family of rednecks who kill salesmen after a lifetime of being swindled, who summarily make sure that he never leaves their house alive.
* {{Fingore}}: The Crypt Keeper accidentally chops off his left fingers in TheStinger. True to his character, [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction he's not too freaked out about it]].
* {{Foreshadowing}}: Pa's first appearance has him telling Ma that he was in the middle of digging. This comes into play later when Winona tells Judd about the cash dowry in the house's basement.
** Judd also notices that the Bracketts own an expensive TV, which gets him thinking that they're rich. Pa later reveals to Judd, when he and his wife capture him, that it's one of their trophies from a previous salesman who swindled them, the man's body revealed to be crammed inside the set itself.
* TheGrotesque: ''WINONA,'' who is quite possibly the most horrifically ugly woman to appear in any episode of the series.
* HearMeTheMoney: The sound of a cash register's bell is heard when Judd glimpses at the Bracketts' expensive-looking stereo set, and again when learns about the dowry hidden in their basement.
* HeartbeatSoundtrack: Judd's heart is heard pumping as he tries to willfully get an erection to convince Winona that he loves her.
* HillbillyHorrors: The Bracketts are a family of psychotic rednecks living in a ramshackle house in the middle of a ramshackle town. They also routinely murder salesmen who come to their door, but not before kidnapping and subjecting them to rape and subsequent marriage to their hideously ugly daughter.
* ImmodestOrgasm: Winona has one when she finishes having sex with Judd.

** Judd ends up in the Bracketts' home simply after confusing their home address (Maple Drive) with a different one (Maple Street). His greed, triggered by Ma innocently asking if he's selling anything, has him viewing the Bracketts as easy marks, so he seals his own fate by trying to swindle them.
** He also discovers what the Bracketts usually do to swindling salesmen when he tries using their microwave to heat his coffee. Had he either drunk it as it was or left it behind, he could have collected his money and made a clean getaway.
* IronicEcho[=/=]MeaningfulEcho: At the start of the episode, Judd smugly says "[[NothingPersonal it's called salesmanship]]" to a waitress who slept with him, thinking that he loved her and promised to help her get out of town. At the end, Pa Brackett [[PreMortemOneLiner throws these words back in Judd's face]] [[BoomHeadshot just as he pumps buckshot into it]].
* {{Jerkass}}: Judd, a scheming salesman who swindles people by preying on their grief for their recently-departed relatives.
* KarmicRape: After using his charms to screw (and screw ''over'') a poor waitress in the beginning of the episode (i.e. rape by deception), Judd ends up being raped by Winona as karma for his actions.
* LoopholeAbuse: The waitress Judd has sex with reminds Judd that he'd take her away from her dead-end town. Judd replies that he did so... for a night, since she wasn't specific.
* NoRangeLikePointBlankRange: Judd is shot point-blank in the face with Pa's shotgun.
* NotIfTheyEnjoyedItRationalization: It's possible that Judd faked his orgasm just to keep up his belief that Winona was beautiful.
* NothingPersonal: As Judd puts it: "It's called salesmanship."
* OffWithHisHead: The fate of the microwave salesman.
* OhCrap: When Judd discovers the severed head of the microwave salesman, then sees the body of the vacuum salesman afterwards.
* OutGambitted: Judd is known to swindle people out of their riches by selling them burial plots for a fake cemetery. The Bracketts prove themselves to be more clever than him by putting him through an agonizing session of torture, rape, and then killing him after duping him into digging his own grave.

* PreMortemOneLiner: "[[IronicEcho It's called]] [[MeaningfulEcho salesmanship.]]" Pa says this to Judd before he kills him.
* RagingStiffie: After a huge amount of mental concentration, Judd somehow manages to get one to convince Winona that he loves her.
* RagsToRiches: Despite their typical hillbilly mannerisms, the Bracketts are revealed to be rather wealthy. They've kept all the expensive products that the other salesmen who came to their house tried to sell, and have pooled all their profits into a cash dowry worth thousands buried in their basement.
* RoomFullOfCrazy: Winona's room is filled with creepy dolls strung up on mobiles, pinned to the walls, and some even dismembered.
* SadisticChoice: Before the grotesque Winona ultimately rapes Judd, she reminds him that if he doesn't actually love her or is unable to prove his love for her, she can always take him back to her father, who is all too eager to kill him.
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: Judd understandably tries to make a run for it when he finds one salesman's corpse and another one's head in the Brackett's kitchen. He does not get far.
* SelfMadeOrphan: Winona murders her parents after having had enough of their abusive treatment towards her. It's revealed to be a ruse when they get back up later.
* SexEqualsLove: What Winona believes before and after she sleeps with Judd. She even thinks that love is detected whenever a man gets an erection.
* SexSignalsDeath: Winona is seemingly shot dead by Judd after they have sex and tie the knot.
* ShotgunWedding: Judd allows himself to marry Winona to get to her family's dowry. The shotgun comes at the end, when Pa kills Judd with it.

* SinisterMinister: Pa is revealed to be a preacher, allowing him to wed Judd and his daughter. He's also the man who kills Judd for his and his family's own sadism.
* SlicesDicesAndMakesJulienneFries: The Crypkeeper says this near word-for-word when discussing the Slash-O-Matic he's selling. It seems to work well on carrots and does a wonder on his fingers, so he may be onto something.

* TakeThisJobAndShoveIt: It's implied the waitress that Judd slept with quit her job at a coffee shop to be with him. She really comes to regret that.
* TravelingSalesman: These guys are the Bracketts' victims of choice, and Pa even lampshades about the days when they used to come around all the time. Judd is one himself, and an especially villainous one at that, one who the audience will be glad to see taken out of the picture.
* VillainBall: Judd learns that he's arrived at the wrong house. Rather than accepting his mistake and make his way to his original destination, the suspiciously creepy residents of the house he's accidentally disturbed ask if he's selling something, prompting him to repeat his scam on them. Sure enough, when he enters their house, he ultimately never sees the light of day again.
* TheWoobie: Mrs. Jones, whose husband recently died of cancer, and was robbed of the little money she had left after the funeral by Judd.
** The waitress in the intro scene also counts, since she thought Judd loved her and wanted to take her away from her menial job.

->'''Crypt Keeper:''' ''(operates a cash register, which reads "NO SALE"; he's still wearing his salesperson outfit, but has traded his toupee for an apron)'' Good old Judd. Just another satisfied ''ghost''-omer. ''(snickers)'' I guess it's true what they say: "The family that ''slays'' together ''stays'' together." ''(cackles)'' We come now to one of my favorite items: ''(unveils a knife)'' the amazing Crypt Keeper Slash-O-Matic! It's more than just a knife. ''(uses the knife to furiously chop a carrot from the pile of vegetables placed in front of him)'' It peels, it cuts, makes fabulous French fries, it slices, it dices, it- ''(stops suddenly when a fleshy sound is heard, raises his hand to reveal that he's cut his fingers off)'' Ohhhh.

* {{Fingore}}: The Crypt Keeper accidentally chops off his left fingers in TheStinger. True to his character, [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction he's obviously not too freaked out about it]].

* ShoutOut: Judd accidentally arrives on Maple Drive when he was meant to travel to [[Recap/TheTwilightZoneS1E22TheMonstersAreDueOnMapleStreet Maple Street.]]

* AdaptationalVillainy: In the comic, the salesman was a legitimate and honest salesman who only stopped at the Bracketts' house because his car broke down and he needed to call a tow truck. Here, he's a con artist who fleeces innocent people by preying on their grief, so he's a lot more deserving of his punishment.

* ForWantOfANail: Judd ends up in the Bracketts' home simply after confusing their home address (Maple Drive) with a different one (Maple Street). His greed, triggered by Ma innocently asking if he's selling anything, has him viewing the Bracketts as easy marks, so he seals his own fate by trying to swindle them.
** He also discovers what the Bracketts usually do to swindling salesmen when he tries using their microwave to heat his coffee. Had he either drunk it as it was or left it behind, he could have collected his money and made a clean getaway

* CreepySouvenir: The Bracketts are revealed to keep the products of every salesman who tried to swindle them as trophies of their victories. The creepy factor comes from the fact that the products in question were used to kill the people who sold them to the family, their dead bodies still mangled within them.

* DueToTheDead: Averted with Judd, who uses peoples' love for their dead relatives to dupe them out of their money by lying that the deceased had signed up for one of his benefits packages.

** He also discovers what the Bracketts usually do to swindling salesman when he tries using their microwave to heat his coffee. Had he left the coffee the way it was, he could've gotten away with another successful scamming.

* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: Judd understandably tries to make a run for it when he finds the corpses of salesmen in the Brackett's kitchen. He does not get far.

* AdaptationalJobChange: In the comic after the couple show Stuart Thatcher how they used the products on the salesman who sold them all that stuff, they go see what Stuart Thatcher was selling so they can use it on him. It turns out to be a meat slicer and the story ends before they use the slicer on him. Here Judd Campbell is a burial plots salesman (or rather pretends he is) who after seemingly killing the family, learns that they planned a plot of land just for him to stay in.

* AdaptationalJobChange: In the comic after the couple show Stuart Thatcher how they used the products on the salesman who sold them all that stuff, they go see what Stuart Thatcher was selling so they can use it on him. It turns out to be a meat slicer and the story ends before they use the slicer on him. Here Judd Campbell is a burial plots salesman (or rather pretends he is) who after seemingly killing the family, learns that they planed a plot of land just for him to stay in.

* AdaptationalNameChange: In the comic the salesman is named Stuart Thatcher here the salesman is named Judd Campbell.

* {{Fingore}}: The Crypt Keeper accidentally chops off his left fingers in TheStinger. True to his character, he's obviously not too freaked out about it.

* AdaptationalJobChange: In the comic after the couple show Stuart Thatcher how that used the products on the salesman who sold them all that stuff they go see what Stuart Thatcher was selling so they can use it on him. It turns out to be a meat slicer and the story ends before they use the slicer on him. Here Judd Campbell is a burial plots salesman who after seemingly killing the family he learns that they planed a plot of land just for him to stay in.

Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a smooth-talking traveling salesman who makes his living selling burial plots for Restful Hills Memorial Park... a cemetery that doesn't actually exist. He traverses the obituary pages and visits the families of people who have recently died, in order to persuade them to finish paying for a death benefits package that the deceased (supposedly) signed up for. One day, he takes a wrong turn and ends up at a farmhouse where the elderly Ma (Creator/TimCurry) and Pa (also Tim Curry) Brackett live. He gives them his sales pitch and persuades them to buy a benefits package, promising to take them to see the supposed cemetery the next day. While waiting in the kitchen for Pa to get the money, Judd finds a man's severed head in the microwave, and the body of a second man in the closet, impaled through the mouth with a vacuum cleaner hose. He tries to flee the house only to find the door locked, and Pa knocks him out with a wooden bat.

Judd wakes up to find his wrists and ankles cuffed/tied together and hears Pa planning to kill him. The Bracketts reveal to Judd that they've developed a burning hatred for salesmen after being swindled once too often, and Pa shows off a salesman's body stuffed into their color TV set to make his point. However, Ma and Pa decide to give their daughter Winona ([[RuleOfThree also also Tim Curry]]) a chance at him. Judd soon finds that Winona is repulsively ugly, but he manages to use all of his charm and willpower to force himself to become sexually aroused in order to convince her that he loves her. After some highly unpleasant sex, Winona tells Judd that her parents have kept a large dowry made from the collected cash of all the previous salesman her parents murdered. His greed sparked, Judd agrees to marry her to get the cash and escape.

* DeathBySex: Winona is seemingly shot dead by Judd after they have sex and tie the knot.

* {{Matricide}} / {{Patricide}}: Winona murders her parents after they object to her marriage to Judd. Their deaths are temporary due to it all being an act.

* DiesDifferentlyInAdaptation: We never actually saw him die, but the salesman in the original comic was revealed to be selling deli slicers, implying the couple were going to use it on him. Judd sells "burial plots", so the Bracketts trick him into digging his grave for them and the shooting him in the face with a shotgun.

* {{Fingore}}: The Cryptkeeper accidentally chops off his left fingers in TheStinger. It's the Cryptkeeper we're talking about, so he's obviously not too freaked out about it.

* HearMeTheMoney: The sound of a cash register's bell is heard when Judd glimpses at the Bracketts' expensive-looking stereo set, and again when learns about the dowry hidden in the their basement.

* HollywoodHomely: Winona is, by her family's and her own personal admission, unhygienic, poorly-mannered, and hideously ugly. What's worse, she even has non-consensual sex with Judd when he lies about how she's beautiful.

* SadisticChoice: Before the grotesque Winona ultimately rapes Judd, she reminds him that if he doesn't actually love her or is unable to prove his lover her, she can always take him back to her father, who is all too eager to kill him.

* DiesDifferentlyInTheAdaptation: We never actually saw him die, but the salesman in the original comic was revealed to be selling deli slicers, implying the couple were going to use it on him. Judd sells "burial plots", so the Bracketts trick him into digging his grave for them and the shooting him in the face with a shotgun.

-->'''The Waitress:''' So you lied to me.

->''(a man is seen being hung to death from a noose, advertised as a buyable product on the "Home Chopping Network"; the Crypt Keeper appears superimposed over the scene)''
->'''Crypt Keeper:''' ''(wearing a toupee and dressed as a salesperson)'' Well, kiddies, I'm afraid our designer ''hanger'' offer has expired. Would somebody please get Mr. De la Renta out of here? ''(the noose is cut, dropping the dead man out of frame)'' Next up on the home ''chopping'' network, ''(the camera pans over a collection of beauty products, ending with a skeletal hand holding some mascara)'' it's time for the Crypt Keeper's fashion ''boo''-tique. Today, we're featuring my full line of Après Vie ''death'' care products. We've got everything from face ''scream'' to mas-''scare''-a. Try some! It's the best thing you can do for...''dem-ise.'' ''(cackles)'' Or maybe I could interest you in tonight's special. It's a tasteless tidbit about a traveling cemetery plot salesmen who's about to make a ''grave'' mistake. I call it: '''Death of Some Salesmen.'''

Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a smooth-talking traveling salesman who makes his living selling burial plots... for a cemetery that doesn't actually exist. He traverses the obituary pages and visits the families of people who have recently died, in order to persuade them to finish paying for a death benefits package that the deceased (supposedly) signed up for. One day, he takes a wrong turn and ends up at a farmhouse where the elderly Ma (Creator/TimCurry) and Pa (also Tim Curry) Brackett live. He gives them his sales pitch and persuades them to buy a benefits package, promising to take them to see the supposed cemetery the next day. While waiting in the kitchen for Pa to get the money, Judd finds a man's severed head in the microwave, and the body of a second man in the closet, impaled through the mouth with a vacuum cleaner hose. He tries to flee the house only to find the door locked, and Pa knocks him out with a wooden bat.

Pa officiates the ceremony, but he refuses to undo Judd's restraints. In a fit of rage, Winona kills him by strangling him and breaking his neck, then bashes Ma's head against the floor until she dies as well. Winona releases Judd and takes him to the basement, where the dowry is buried, but Judd shoots her with a revolver dropped by Pa and starts digging on his own. He soon finds a box that contains one of his own phony cemetery plot deeds - with his name written on it. He looks up from the hole to find all three Bracketts standing over him and laughing, having faked their deaths and tricked Judd into setting up his own death for one of their twisted games. Pa gleefully loads a double-barreled shotgun and shoots Judd point black in the face.

* IronicEcho[=/=]MeaningfulEcho: At the start of the episode, Judd smugly says "[[NothingPersonal it's called salesmanship]]" to a waitress who slept with him, thinking that he loved her and promised to help her get out of town. At the end, Pa Brackett [[PreMortemOneLiner throws these words back in Judd's face]] [[BoomHeadshot just he pumps buckshot into it]].

* KarmicRape: After using his charms to screw (and screw ''over'') a poor waitress in the beginning of the episode, Judd ends up being raped by Winona as karma for his actions.

->'''Crypt Keeper:''' ''(wearing a toupee and dressed as a salesperson)'' Well, kiddies, I'm afraid our designer ''hanger'' offer has expired. Would somebody please get Mr. De la Renta out of here? ''(the noose is cut, dropping the dead man out of frame)'' Next up on the home ''chopping'' network, ''(the camera pans over a collection of beauty products, ending with a skeletal hand holding some mascara)'' it's time for the Crypt Keeper's fashion ''boo''-tique. Today, we're featuring my full line of Après Vie ''death'' care products. We've got everything from face ''scream'' to mas-''scare''-a. Try some! It's the best thing you can do for...''dem-ise.'' ''(cackles)'' Or maybe I could interest you in tonight's special. It's a tasteless tidbit about a traveling cemetery plot salesmen who's about to make a ''grave'' mistake. I call it: '''Death of Some Salesmen.'''

* RagsToRichies: Despite their typical hillbilly mannerisms, the Bracketts are revealed to be rather wealthy. They've kept all the expensive products that the other salesmen who came to their house tried to sell, and have pooled all their profits into a cash dowry worth thousands buried in their basement.

[[caption-width-right:350: The benefits are to die for, but the initial premium is a killer.]]

Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a smooth-talking traveling salesman who makes his living selling burial plots - in a cemetery that doesn't actually exist. He trawls the obituary pages and visits the families of people who have recently died, in order to persuade them to finish paying for a death benefits package that the deceased (supposedly) signed up for. One day, he takes a wrong turn and ends up at a farmhouse where elderly Ma (Creator/TimCurry) and Pa (also Tim Curry) Brackett live. He gives them his sales pitch and persuades them to buy a benefits package, promising to take them to see the cemetery the next day. While waiting in the kitchen for Pa to get the money, he finds a man's severed head in the microwave oven and the body of a second man in the closet, impaled through the mouth with a vacuum cleaner hose. He tries to flee the house only to find the door locked, and Pa knocks him out with a baseball bat.

Judd wakes up to find his wrists and ankles cuffed/tied together and hears Pa planning to kill him. The Bracketts have developed a burning hatred for salesmen after being conned once too often, and Pa shows off a body stuffed into their color TV set to make his point. However, they decide to give their daughter Winona ([[RuleOfThree also also Tim Curry]]) a chance at him. Winona is repulsively ugly, but Judd manages to force himself to become sexually aroused in order to convince her that he loves her. The mention of her large cash dowry sparks his greed, and he agrees to marry her.

Pa officiates at the marriage, but refuses to undo Judd's restraints. In a fit of rage, Winona kills him by strangling him and breaking his neck, then bashes Ma's head against the floor until she dies as well. Winona releases Judd and takes him to the basement where her dowry is buried, but Judd shoots her with a revolver dropped by Pa and starts digging on his own. He finds a box that contains nothing but one of his own phony cemetery plot deeds - with his name written in - and looks up from the hole to find all three Bracketts standing over him and laughing, having faked their deaths. Pa gleefully loads a double-barreled shotgun and kills Judd.

----

* AbhorrentAdmirer: Winona for Judd.
* ActingForTwo: Or three, in this case. Creator/TimCurry portrays Ma, Pa, and Winona. His role here earned him an Emmy nomination.
* AdaptationalVillainy: The salesman in the comic was a legitimate and honest salesman who only stopped at the house because his car broke down and he needed to call a tow truck. Here, he's a con artist who fleeces innocent people by preying on their grief, so it's a lot more deserved.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: As Judd starts to wake up after being knocked out, Pa is wiping down the barrel of his revolver while keeping a finger on the trigger. Given who we're talking about, it's probably not very surprising.
* BatterUp: When Judd tries to run away after finding the corpses of the other salesman, Pa knocks him out cold with a baseball bat.
* BlackComedyRape: Judd's rape at the hands of Winona. It's unsettling if not hilarious.
* CanonForeigner: In the comic, the salesman only encountered a husband and wife, no crazy daughter.
* DeathBySex: Seems like this for Winona and Judd after doing the deed and tying the knot.
* DisneyDeath: Ma, Pa and Winona.
* FanDisservice: Judd's sex scene with Winona, due to it being disgusting and non-consensual.
* FanService: The opening sex scene of the episode.
* ImmodestOrgasm: Winona when she has sex with Judd.

* IronicEcho[=/=]MeaningfulEcho: At the start of the episode, Judd smugly says "[[NothingPersonal it's called salesmanship]]" to a woman who slept with him, thinking that he loved her. At the end, Pa Brackett [[PreMortemOneLiner throws those words back in Judd's face]] [[BoomHeadshot just before pumping some buckshot into it]].
* KarmicRape: After using his charms to bed and screw over a woman in the beginning of the episode, Judd ends up being raped by Winona as karma for his actions.
* {{Matricide}}: Winona murders Ma after she objects to the marriage and defends Pa. Her death is temporary due to it all being an act.
* NotIfTheyEnjoyedItRationalization: It's possible that Judd faked his climax just to keep up with his shenanigans with Winona.
* NothingPersonal: "It's called salesmanship."
* {{Patricide}}: Winona murders Pa after he objects to the marriage. His death is only temporary as it was all an act.

* PreMortemOneLiner: "[[IronicEcho It's called]] [[MeaningfulEcho salesmanship.]]" Pa Brackett says this line to Judd before killing him.
* RagingStiffie: After much mental preparation, Judd somehow manages to get one to convince Winona that he loves her.
* SexEqualsLove: What Winona believes before and after sleeping with Judd.