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Fix Hikikomori reference, reformat last paragraph
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The Dark Crusade's first point of order is to recruit or deal with the vampire. It turns out she's a massive Hikkimori from isolating herself for 150 years, and most of her malicious actions (inspiring cannibals, zombie swarms) have been simple anti-social mistakes. Her master plan is to bring Yomiko back from the dead. While most of the Dark Crusade considers this impossible, Seiji decides to pay her in research materials for a resurrection side-project.
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The Dark Crusade's first point of order is to recruit or deal with the vampire. It turns out she's a massive Hikkimori from isolating herself for {{Hikikomori}} due to a 150 years, year-long self-imposed isolation, and that most of her malicious actions evil deeds (inspiring cannibals, cannibalism in the local banditry, releasing zombie swarms) have been simple anti-social mistakes.essentially, faux pas borne of ignorance. Her master plan is to bring Yomiko back from the dead. While most of the Dark Crusade considers this impossible, Seiji decides to pay her in research materials for a resurrection side-project.
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TimeStandsStill, which Yoshi and Seiji use to save the girl. Yoshi and Seiji are chosen to be the hero and villain of a CosmicChessGame designed by two goddesses Sanora and Virya. The goddesses have complete control over a hollow world called Ephemera, but can only visit and steal player characters from an insignificant blue planet called Earth. Seiji tells his new goddess Virya to go fuck herself, and gets promptly tortured into compliance. As the villain, Seiji gets Ephemera's three classic superpowers and a signature ability, which in his case is the power to combine some types of spells into a single combo spell. He also acquires a lizard familiar he calls Bilbo - now called Biribo (because goddesses enjoy Japanese accents). Then Virya literally throws him into Ephemera.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and the two bandits who killed him. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to fight back. Seiji learns Heal, which is a deceptively effective panacea spell that can heal almost any nonlethal problem, barring amputation and death. Seiji combines this with a basic fire cantrip spell to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a (living) person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns how to summon slime monsters, tame monsters, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive. Naturally, Seiji sets the two bandits, Kasser the ex-architect and Harold the average Joey, on fire.
Seiji quickly takes control of their bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. Aster uses her new power and her dead party's artifacts to turn the bandit leader Rocco into a steak soufflé. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. The urchin, Gilder, explains that the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord Olumach, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to Fflyr's greatest crime ''Lady'' Grey, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
After visiting the local Adventurer's guild and meeting Fflyr's hometown superhero, Rhydion, Seiji discovers Yoshi and his standard adventuring party, and pisses off their arrogant elven noble archer Flathwyn into starting a bar brawl. Double oops.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and the two bandits who killed him. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to fight back. Seiji learns Heal, which is a deceptively effective panacea spell that can heal almost any nonlethal problem, barring amputation and death. Seiji combines this with a basic fire cantrip spell to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a (living) person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns how to summon slime monsters, tame monsters, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive. Naturally, Seiji sets the two bandits, Kasser the ex-architect and Harold the average Joey, on fire.
Seiji quickly takes control of their bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. Aster uses her new power and her dead party's artifacts to turn the bandit leader Rocco into a steak soufflé. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. The urchin, Gilder, explains that the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord Olumach, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to Fflyr's greatest crime ''Lady'' Grey, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
After visiting the local Adventurer's guild and meeting Fflyr's hometown superhero, Rhydion, Seiji discovers Yoshi and his standard adventuring party, and pisses off their arrogant elven noble archer Flathwyn into starting a bar brawl. Double oops.
to:
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and the two bandits who killed him. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls from the corpse for Seiji to fight back. Seiji learns Heal, which is a deceptively effective panacea spell that can heal almost any nonlethal problem, barring amputation and death. Seiji combines this with a basic fire cantrip spell to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a (living) person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns how to summon slime monsters, tame monsters, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of
Seiji quickly takes control of
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while
After visiting the local Adventurer's guild and meeting Fflyr's hometown superhero, Rhydion, Seiji discovers Yoshi and his standard adventuring party, and pisses off their arrogant elven noble archer Flathwyn into starting a bar brawl. Double
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Over time, Seiji manages to slowly capture and recruit Olumach's field bandits while cracking down on Lady Grey's city gangsters, with the occasional criticism from Aster to keep his murderous impulses in check. They inflict vengeance upon the many outlaws for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
Seiji has an epic battle with Lady Grey which ends in a tie.
Seiji has an epic battle with Lady Grey which ends in a tie.
to:
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly capture and recruit Olumach's field bandits while cracking down on Lady Grey's city gangsters, gangsters with Immolate and slime cannon spells, with the occasional criticism from Aster to keep his murderous impulses in check. They inflict vengeance upon the many outlaws for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
prostitutes. Seiji has an epic battle with Lady Grey which ends in a tie.
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Seiji has yet another battle with Lady Grey, which ends with him losing. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazralind, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and then murdered her and got paid by her family for the deed. She gathered her like-minded groupies and founded a Robin Hood-like band of merry girls, but with giant birds for steeds. It turned out her mentor was a spy for an enemy country and plotting to use the girls in his sabotage efforts, but her sister (Twigs) and Goose managed to rescue her and recruit her into Seiji's crusade.
to:
Seiji has yet another battle with Lady Grey, which ends with him losing. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles Film/BlazingSaddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazralind, Nazralind Aethwyn, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Twigs' older sister. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and sister, then murdered her in front of Naz and Twigs, and even got paid ''paid'' by her family House Aethwyn for the deed. She gathered her like-minded groupies and founded a Robin Hood-like band of merry girls, but with giant birds for steeds. It turned out her mentor was a spy for an enemy country (Lancor) and plotting to use the girls in his sabotage efforts, but her sister (Twigs) Twigs and Goose managed to find and rescue her and recruit her into Seiji's crusade.crusade.
In the Stinger, it is revealed that the Orc clans have a few psychics with the Blessing of Wisdom power, and happened to witness Seiji setting a forest on fire while ironically whispering his declaration of death. Completely misinterpreting the situation, the Orcs are convinced the new Dark Crusade will be an ultraviolent total war and prepare to raise hell on everyone. Triple oops.
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Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt the shrines into becoming Void beacons. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed the world of Ephemera is in a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards (one of the author's previous works). Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning white cargo truck.
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers before he feels pushed into a corner and sacrifices the souls of his followers to the Void, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt the shrines into becoming Void beacons. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed the world of Ephemera is in a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards (one of the author's previous works). Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning white cargo truck.
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers before he feels pushed into a corner and sacrifices the souls of his followers to the Void, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs.
to:
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, goblin-supremacists on Seiji's doorstep, and Seiji responds by shooting one and setting the other on fire, accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars.
Justicars.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The new anti-Void coalitionfirst fights against the Goblin King's Dragon Dragon, Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt the shrines into becoming Void beacons. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed the world of Ephemera is in a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards (one of the author's previous works). Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning white cargo truck.
truck.
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers before he feels pushed into a corner and sacrifices the souls of his followers to the Void, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like aPaper Mario VideoGame/PaperMario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs.grabs.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The new anti-Void coalition
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers before he feels pushed into a corner and sacrifices the souls of his followers to the Void, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a
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For both her accomplishment and her skills, Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
to:
For both her accomplishment and her skills, Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow,
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Rhydion hires Seiji, Aster, a hunter, and a priestess on a classic quest to find out where the zombies are coming from. They make contact with the squirrel beastmen, who require a divination from a soothsayer and while Rhydion declares his faith in the goodness of people, Seiji realizes he has faith in the ''darkness'' of people - faith that their anger and hatred, when tempered with reason and unity, can overcome anything.
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Rhydion hires Seiji, Aster, a hunter, and a priestess on a classic quest to find out where the zombies are coming from. They make contact with the squirrel beastmen, who require a divination from a soothsayer
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The squirrel beastmen arrive at a decision: they would join Seiji ''if'' he could give a viable answer to how he would pull the Dark Crusade off with the bare minimum of forces. Seiji explains his master plan is to turn his criminal empire into TheSyndicate, effectively conquering the criminal underworlds of all nations while leaving the civilians generally untouched. They can rule from the shadows without being squashed by the many armies. This is enough to convince the squirrels to join.
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The Dark Crusade's first point of order is to recruit or deal with the vampire. It turns out she's a massive Hikkimori from isolating herself for 150 years, and most of her malicious actions (inspiring cannibals, zombie swarms) have been simple anti-social mistakes. Her master plan is to bring Yomiko back from the dead. While most of the Dark Crusade considers this impossible, Seiji decides to pay her in research materials for a resurrection side-project.
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Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. The urchin explains that the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second greatest crime lord, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus (complete with quoted scripture) under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly crack down on crime lord Lady Grey's operations. They inflict vengeance upon the many bandits for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus (complete with quoted scripture) under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly crack down on crime lord Lady Grey's operations. They inflict vengeance upon the many bandits for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
to:
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. The urchin urchin, Gilder, explains that the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, lord Olumach, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second Fflyr's greatest crime lord, ''Lady'' Grey, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
After visiting the local Adventurer's guild and meeting Fflyr's hometown superhero, Rhydion, Seiji discovers Yoshi and his standard adventuring party, and pisses off their arrogant elven noble archer Flathwyn into starting a bar brawl. Double oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus (complete with quoted scripture) under his Healer persona,healing heals the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, john-inflicted abusive beatdowns, hires the ones willing to fight for the Dark Lord while sheltering the ones who don't, and arming arms them with illegal crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Over time, Seiji manages to slowlycrack capture and recruit Olumach's field bandits while cracking down on crime lord Lady Grey's operations. city gangsters, with the occasional criticism from Aster to keep his murderous impulses in check. They inflict vengeance upon the many bandits outlaws for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
After visiting the local Adventurer's guild and meeting Fflyr's hometown superhero, Rhydion, Seiji discovers Yoshi and his standard adventuring party, and pisses off their arrogant elven noble archer Flathwyn into starting a bar brawl. Double oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus (complete with quoted scripture) under his Healer persona,
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly
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In response to Seiji's dismantling of her criminal empire, Lady Grey decides to murder five children who happened to be friends with Seiji. Wracked with guilt and anger, Seiji swears to end Lady Grey himself. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazralind, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and then murdered her and got paid by her family for the deed.
Lady Grey's final spiteful act is to goad the local catfolk into waging war on Seiji's gang. Sakin and 12 others are killed. Seiji responds by accidentally setting the forest on fire, then hunting down Lady Grey and stuffing a healing slime down her lungs, killing her slowly with healing-prolonging drowning and a neck snap for good measure. An investigation reveals that a drow has been trying to join the gang, but her independent attempt at making peace with the catfolk accidentally pissed them off, which made it easy for Lady Grey to incite war.
Lady Grey's final spiteful act is to goad the local catfolk into waging war on Seiji's gang. Sakin and 12 others are killed. Seiji responds by accidentally setting the forest on fire, then hunting down Lady Grey and stuffing a healing slime down her lungs, killing her slowly with healing-prolonging drowning and a neck snap for good measure. An investigation reveals that a drow has been trying to join the gang, but her independent attempt at making peace with the catfolk accidentally pissed them off, which made it easy for Lady Grey to incite war.
to:
In response to Seiji's dismantling of her criminal empire, Lady Grey decides to murder five children who happened to be friends with Seiji. Wracked with guilt and anger, Seiji swears to end Lady Grey himself - and Uncle Gently, the orphanage owner who sold those children to Lady Grey.
Uncle Gently is humiliated, exposed of his miserly hoarding of precious cargo from his starving orphans, and repeatedly set on fire before finally being outright crucified.
Lady Grey's final spiteful act is to goad the local catfolk into waging war on Seiji's gang. Sakin and 12 others of Seiji's crew are
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Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls from the goblins, including intellectual property, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
to:
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They Justicars.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corruptshrines. the shrines into becoming Void beacons. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this the world of Ephemera is in a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Bastards (one of the author's previous works). Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. cargo truck.
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of hisfollowers, followers before he feels pushed into a corner and sacrifices the souls of his followers to the Void, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs.grabs.
Seiji's strongest spells are picked up and flicked away by Ozyraph, and the rage-filled punches of the goblin Zui do nothing to faze her. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls from the goblins, including intellectual property, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns theirloyalty. loyalty.
For both her accomplishment and her skills, Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
Over the course of the war, they discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite when evidence of the Void appears to eradicate any and all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt
Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his
Seiji's strongest spells are picked up and flicked away by Ozyraph, and the rage-filled punches of the goblin Zui do nothing to faze her. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls from the goblins, including intellectual property, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their
For both her accomplishment and her skills, Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
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The crusade decides that plan A to thwarting the Aethwyns' nightmare schedule of an Olympics game is to convince the other factions to collectively disagree to the policy.
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Changed line(s) 31 (click to see context) from:
In response to Seiji's dismantling of her criminal, Lady Grey decides to murder five children who happened to be friends with Seiji. Wracked with guilt and anger, Seiji swears to end Lady Grey himself. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazirland, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and then murdered her and got paid by her family for the deed.
to:
-> "I have become death, destroyer of worlds."
-->-- '''Seiji''' (by accident)
In response to Seiji's dismantling of hercriminal, criminal empire, Lady Grey decides to murder five children who happened to be friends with Seiji. Wracked with guilt and anger, Seiji swears to end Lady Grey himself. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazirland, Nazralind, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and then murdered her and got paid by her family for the deed.
-->-- '''Seiji''' (by accident)
In response to Seiji's dismantling of her
Changed line(s) 35,36 (click to see context) from:
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
to:
-> "BREACH OF CONTRACT!"
-->-- '''Sneppit''', busy doing the most awesome thing in the book
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more thansouls, souls from the goblins, including intellectual property, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed, putting her on probation.
-->-- '''Sneppit''', busy doing the most awesome thing in the book
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph (who appears through a fold in space like a Paper Mario cartoon) and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than
Added DiffLines:
->- "Oooh, look at us! We’re ''eeeeevil'' because we’re ''rich'' and ''bored''."
-->-- '''Seiji''', mocking Mr. and Mrs. Aethwyn, definitely not by accident
-->-- '''Seiji''', mocking Mr. and Mrs. Aethwyn, definitely not by accident
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Changed line(s) 11,15 (click to see context) from:
TimeStandsStill, Yoshi and Seiji manage to save the girl. Yoshi and Seiji are chosen to be the hero and villain of a CosmicChessGame designed by two goddesses Sanora and Virya who have complete control over a hollow world called Ephemera, but can only steal player characters from an insignificant blue planet called Earth. Seiji tells his new goddess Virya to go fuck herself, and gets promptly tortured into compliance. As the villain, Seiji gets superpowers and a signature ability, which is the power to combine some types of spells into a single combo spell. He also acquires a lizard familiar he calls Bilbo - now called Biribo because goddesses enjoy Japanese accents. Then Virya literally throws him into Ephemera.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and his two bandit killers. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns a heal spell that acts as a panacea for most wounds and diseases, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive.
Seiji quickly takes control of the bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. It turns out the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second greatest crime lord, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and his two bandit killers. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns a heal spell that acts as a panacea for most wounds and diseases, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive.
Seiji quickly takes control of the bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. It turns out the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second greatest crime lord, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
to:
TimeStandsStill, which Yoshi and Seiji
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and
Seiji quickly takes control of
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus (complete with quoted scripture) under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting
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Changed line(s) 26 (click to see context) from:
to:
[[/folder]]
Changed line(s) 28,29 (click to see context) from:
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed.
[[folder:Book 4]]
[[folder:Book 4]]
to:
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Sneppit is promoted to Chancellor of Seiji's organization. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow drow, a former queen ousted for being too generous, and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed.
killed, putting her on probation.
[[folder:Book4]]4]]
The drow reveals that the island of Donut once had a Dungeon, which produced self-sufficient wealth in the way that standard RPG adventurers farm for it, but the former hero Hara Satoshi destroyed it for his own purposes, ensuring the island would go to hell. The local Viryanites' master plan was to save up on dungeon coins and buy a miracle to resurrect the dungeon, but having the newest Dark Lord on their side would be a preferable alternative.
Seiji hires the cat beastmen to save them from an invasion by the ousted wolf beastmen. Then he hires the wolf beastmen to save them from starvation and a zombie invasion, but only after murdering their shaman and her son for enslaving and torturing a half-beastman kid. All of the above now live with the recovering goblins, who are busy reverse-engineering Seiji's truck for technological uplifting.
Rhydion hires Seiji, Aster, a hunter, and a priestess on a classic quest to find out where the zombies are coming from. They make contact with the squirrel beastmen, who require a divination from a soothsayer and while Rhydion declares his faith in the goodness of people, Seiji realizes he has faith in the ''darkness'' of people - faith that their anger and hatred, when tempered with reason and unity, can overcome anything.
The party reaches the lair of the zombies' master, and discover some strange things. The zombies are actually slimes, magically possessing corpses, and technically alive enough for Seiji to control. The zombies' master is a former confidant of the former Dark Lord Yomiko, a vampire, and a crazy Yandere pining for her former girlfriend. The mansion's servants are sapient giant spiders, who spend their time producing quality silk bolts. And the center of the lair has a Void shrine, implicating the master as either a shrine guardian or a Void Witch. The party is tricked into entering the Void from the shrine, and while Rhydion attempts to brave the Void, Seiji incurs brain damage from poking the Void with his mind (again) and gains an entire grimoire's worth of overpowered electric spells. Ozyraph finds them and decides to throw them back to Ephemera, and the party votes to bug out.
Archduke Aethwyn and his wife greet Seiji with a boorish three-day party, doing everything they can to passively insult him. Aethwyn explains his philosophy of power; though everyone in his corrupt court loathes him, they fear the domino effect of setting a precedent for nobles being treated like any other criminal even more. To 'celebrate' Seiji's attempts at manipulating the nobles into clothing the poor, Aethwyn proposes a classic Olympics tournament with contestants performing in the nude - in dead winter. Either the commoners offer up their champions as sacrifices to a tortured and humiliating death by exposure, or they lose their relief supplies. Seiji almost loses his mind, but manages to insult the Aethwyns by calling them boring. Then they manage to make him lose his mind by ordering Aster to strip naked and sword-dance. Aster almost manages to keep calm as the local pontiff calls Aethwyn out, but also froths when the pontiff requests she repent to Sanora. Aster proclaims the goddesses are jerks and his religion is false, and they leave.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Book
The drow reveals that the island of Donut once had a Dungeon, which produced self-sufficient wealth in the way that standard RPG adventurers farm for it, but the former hero Hara Satoshi destroyed it for his own purposes, ensuring the island would go to hell. The local Viryanites' master plan was to save up on dungeon coins and buy a miracle to resurrect the dungeon, but having the newest Dark Lord on their side would be a preferable alternative.
Seiji hires the cat beastmen to save them from an invasion by the ousted wolf beastmen. Then he hires the wolf beastmen to save them from starvation and a zombie invasion, but only after murdering their shaman and her son for enslaving and torturing a half-beastman kid. All of the above now live with the recovering goblins, who are busy reverse-engineering Seiji's truck for technological uplifting.
Rhydion hires Seiji, Aster, a hunter, and a priestess on a classic quest to find out where the zombies are coming from. They make contact with the squirrel beastmen, who require a divination from a soothsayer and while Rhydion declares his faith in the goodness of people, Seiji realizes he has faith in the ''darkness'' of people - faith that their anger and hatred, when tempered with reason and unity, can overcome anything.
The party reaches the lair of the zombies' master, and discover some strange things. The zombies are actually slimes, magically possessing corpses, and technically alive enough for Seiji to control. The zombies' master is a former confidant of the former Dark Lord Yomiko, a vampire, and a crazy Yandere pining for her former girlfriend. The mansion's servants are sapient giant spiders, who spend their time producing quality silk bolts. And the center of the lair has a Void shrine, implicating the master as either a shrine guardian or a Void Witch. The party is tricked into entering the Void from the shrine, and while Rhydion attempts to brave the Void, Seiji incurs brain damage from poking the Void with his mind (again) and gains an entire grimoire's worth of overpowered electric spells. Ozyraph finds them and decides to throw them back to Ephemera, and the party votes to bug out.
Archduke Aethwyn and his wife greet Seiji with a boorish three-day party, doing everything they can to passively insult him. Aethwyn explains his philosophy of power; though everyone in his corrupt court loathes him, they fear the domino effect of setting a precedent for nobles being treated like any other criminal even more. To 'celebrate' Seiji's attempts at manipulating the nobles into clothing the poor, Aethwyn proposes a classic Olympics tournament with contestants performing in the nude - in dead winter. Either the commoners offer up their champions as sacrifices to a tortured and humiliating death by exposure, or they lose their relief supplies. Seiji almost loses his mind, but manages to insult the Aethwyns by calling them boring. Then they manage to make him lose his mind by ordering Aster to strip naked and sword-dance. Aster almost manages to keep calm as the local pontiff calls Aethwyn out, but also froths when the pontiff requests she repent to Sanora. Aster proclaims the goddesses are jerks and his religion is false, and they leave.
[[/folder]]
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Changed line(s) 9 (click to see context) from:
We meet our assigned-Evil protagonist, Seiji, and his assigned-Good {{foil}}, Yoshi, waiting for a train out of Tokyo in Akihabara Station.
to:
We meet our assigned-Evil protagonist, Seiji, and his assigned-Good {{foil}}, Yoshi, waiting for a train out of Tokyo in Akihabara Station. A random AlphaBitch drops her phone, and while Yoshi tries to offer it back, Seiji calls her out for berating someone trying to help her and throws the phone at her. This accidentally throws her into an oncoming bullet train.
Then things get weird.
TimeStandsStill, Yoshi and Seiji manage to save the girl. Yoshi and Seiji are chosen to be the hero and villain of a CosmicChessGame designed by two goddesses Sanora and Virya who have complete control over a hollow world called Ephemera, but can only steal player characters from an insignificant blue planet called Earth. Seiji tells his new goddess Virya to go fuck herself, and gets promptly tortured into compliance. As the villain, Seiji gets superpowers and a signature ability, which is the power to combine some types of spells into a single combo spell. He also acquires a lizard familiar he calls Bilbo - now called Biribo because goddesses enjoy Japanese accents. Then Virya literally throws him into Ephemera.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and his two bandit killers. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns a heal spell that acts as a panacea for most wounds and diseases, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive.
Seiji quickly takes control of the bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. It turns out the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second greatest crime lord, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly crack down on crime lord Lady Grey's operations. They inflict vengeance upon the many bandits for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
Seiji has an epic battle with Lady Grey which ends in a tie.
Then things get weird.
TimeStandsStill, Yoshi and Seiji manage to save the girl. Yoshi and Seiji are chosen to be the hero and villain of a CosmicChessGame designed by two goddesses Sanora and Virya who have complete control over a hollow world called Ephemera, but can only steal player characters from an insignificant blue planet called Earth. Seiji tells his new goddess Virya to go fuck herself, and gets promptly tortured into compliance. As the villain, Seiji gets superpowers and a signature ability, which is the power to combine some types of spells into a single combo spell. He also acquires a lizard familiar he calls Bilbo - now called Biribo because goddesses enjoy Japanese accents. Then Virya literally throws him into Ephemera.
Seiji lands in Donut, an island hellhole rampant with banditry and corruption, next to a dead spell merchant and his two bandit killers. After a chase scene, Biribo manages to steal enough spell scrolls for Seiji to learn his signature spell, Immolate, which tortures a person to death by fire before resurrecting them in perfect health. Seiji also learns a heal spell that acts as a panacea for most wounds and diseases, and Enjoin, a spell that links the powers of different individuals so long as they are sexually attractive.
Seiji quickly takes control of the bandit clan, while earning the loyalty of the adventurer they captured, Aster Delavada, by freeing her before she could be raped and then giving her some of his powers, primary of which is Blessing of Strength, the power to unlock and use magic artifacts. They then turn the ruined fortress they were squatting in into a proper base.
Seiji and Aster travel to Donut's capital city of Fflyr Delmathys, Seiji constantly asking questions about how this strange world works, and discovers that oceans don't exist, bedrock is sacred, nighttime isn't very dark, and the measuring system of Ephemera is fucked up. Seiji's initial plan is to pose as a nobleman and ingratiate himself with a noble currently on underworld business. This plan immediately goes to shit when the nobleman tries to murder a gutter urchin for sport, leading Seiji to immolate the bastard while his bodyguards kill the nobleman's party. It turns out the nobleman was the son of Fflyr's greatest crime lord, and Seiji had prevented him from making a payoff to the second greatest crime lord, which accidentally sparked a city-wide gang war. Oops.
Seiji decides to start his Dark Crusade by hiring the (actually second-)lowest class in the country - whores. For extra blasphemy, Seiji acts like Jesus under his Healer persona, healing the prostitutes in hopes of earning their loyalty, and arming them with crossbows to mimic a modern guerilla fighting force.
Over time, Seiji manages to slowly crack down on crime lord Lady Grey's operations. They inflict vengeance upon the many bandits for all the times they abused, short-changed, and outright murdered the prostitutes.
Seiji has an epic battle with Lady Grey which ends in a tie.
Changed line(s) 12 (click to see context) from:
[[/folder]]
to:
[[folder:Book 2]]
In response to Seiji's dismantling of her criminal, Lady Grey decides to murder five children who happened to be friends with Seiji. Wracked with guilt and anger, Seiji swears to end Lady Grey himself. After a harrowing fight and escape, Seiji tries a trick from Blazing Saddles and threatens to kill himself if Lady Grey's forces don't lower their bows away from him. It doesn't work. Seiji is saved by Nazirland, an elf rebel and the sister of one of Seiji's bandits. Naz explains that she used to be the crown princess of Fflyr, until her fiancée tried to rape her other sister and then murdered her and got paid by her family for the deed.
Lady Grey's final spiteful act is to goad the local catfolk into waging war on Seiji's gang. Sakin and 12 others are killed. Seiji responds by accidentally setting the forest on fire, then hunting down Lady Grey and stuffing a healing slime down her lungs, killing her slowly with healing-prolonging drowning and a neck snap for good measure. An investigation reveals that a drow has been trying to join the gang, but her independent attempt at making peace with the catfolk accidentally pissed them off, which made it easy for Lady Grey to incite war.
[[folder:Book 3]]
Seiji's goblin allies Marguo and Mitzi are killed by goblin-supremacists, and Seiji responds by accidentally declaring war on the Goblin King Jardak. While crusading against the Goblin King's forces, Seiji runs into Yoshi's adventuring party just too late to save Yoshi's Lancer. They join forces alongside the local goblin resistance, consisting of lawyers, corporations, and the local Justicars. They discover that Jardak is a Void Witch, a being who has made a DealWithTheDevil, and by divine decree the Sanorites and Viryanites must temporarily unite to eradicate all traces of the Void. The anti-Void coalition first fights against the King's Dragon Hoy, an insufferable bullying psychopath who intentionally gets most of his forces killed while attempting to capture and corrupt shrines. After a few tries and failures, Seiji and Hoy accidentally reach the Void, and to the reader it is revealed this is a dimension tangent to one from The Gods Are Bastards. Seiji collects a new spell from the Void that lets him obliterate Hoy by summoning a giant functioning fully tanked white truck. Seiji attempts to debate King Jardak down to undo the loyalty of his followers, but is foiled again by his hyper-effective drow stalker, who unleashes a revolution and pushes Jardak into a corner. Jardak summons his demon patron Ozyraph and orders her to squish Yoshi and Seiji, but she reveals that he went too far and breached his contract, allowing her to devour his soul. Unfortunately, that also meant a few dozen souls of Jardak's followers were also up for grabs. After a few minutes of panicking, Seiji convinces Sneppit to fight a legal battle against Ozyraph. Sneppit realizes that Ozyraph is contractually required not to take anything more than souls, yet simultaneously in possession of intel about the hero and villain which she is also contractually required to take to the Void King, meaning she has effectively pigeonholed herself into eventually breaching her own contract, which saves the followers and earns their loyalty. Seiji decides to promote Zui to Goblin Queen, due to her spirit in trying to fight Ozyraph to save the souls of goblins who previously wanted her dead. Seiji also meets the drow and admonishes her for constantly being a loose cannon that got people killed.
[[folder:Book 4]]
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Literature/OnlyVillainsDoThat is a fantasy web serial that (somewhat) lovingly mocks the {{isekai}} genre. The plot revolves around a Japanese-American musician, Seiji Omura, being whisked away to become the [[EvilOverlord Dark Lord]] in service of Virya, [[GodOfEvil Goddess of Evil]] It is being written by D. D. Webb, who began to publish it on Royal Road in February of 2021. As of 2023, it is still being published.
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[[folder:Book 1]]
->“Omura Seiji, you really are a contemptible piece of shit.”
-->-- '''Virya, Goddess of Evil'''
We meet our assigned-Evil protagonist, Seiji, and his assigned-Good {{foil}}, Yoshi, waiting for a train out of Tokyo in Akihabara Station.
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Literature/OnlyVillainsDoThat is a fantasy web serial that (somewhat) lovingly mocks the {{isekai}} genre. The plot revolves around a Japanese-American musician, Seiji Omura, being whisked away to become the [[EvilOverlord Dark Lord]] in service of Virya, [[GodOfEvil Goddess of Evil]] It is being written by D. D. Webb, who began to publish it on Royal Road in February of 2021. As of 2023, it is still being published.
