History Recap / GameOfThronesS2E1TheNorthRememebers

It's Joffrey's name day tournament. Remember what Joffrey was like last season? Well, now he's having a man drowned in wine for arriving to fight late and slightly drunk, isn't that ''nice?''. Sansa, thinking quickly, gets the tipsy Ser Dontos off the hook with a little help from Sandor, but it's clear everyone is taking care not to offend Joffrey. Except for Tyrion, who shows up out of the blue and also shows up Joffrey completely.

* SparedByAdaptation: Doreah, who in the books dies in the Red Waste. Also Mhaegen, who, in the books dies to protect Barra.
* TortureAlwaysWorks: The Gold Cloaks interrogate (torture) Tobho Mott about Genry's whereabouts. He tells them everything.

-->'''Cersei: Robb Stark is a child.

We follow the red comet to the Land Beyond the Wall, where Jon, Mormont, Sam and their party have been travelling for some time, and are now arriving at Craster's Keep. As Dolorous Edd says, "I was born in a place like this. Later I fell on hard times." The good news is: there are girls! The bad news is: the lads can't touch them. The ugly news is: they're Craster's daughters...and his wives, too. ''Eeeesh.'' 'Your house, your rules' never sounded so nasty before. Jon is understandably as creeped out as we are, but Mormont, also understandably, tells him to keep his mouth shut. Also; where are all of Craster's sons?

** We're introduced to Dolorous Edd, who quickly shows [[TheEeyore what he's so beloved for]] in the books. "I was born in a place like this. Later, I fell on hard times."

* PragmaticVillainy: Joffrey seems to be doing everything he can to ''not'' follow this trope, showing such wanton cruelty (and in public!) that it can only undermine his reputation. His slaughter of the black-haired bastards likewise falls under this, and is likely to elicit horror and fury even from those members of his Small Council who don't have moral objections.

* UglyGuyHotWife: Craster and his daughter-wives, particularly Gilly.

Ironically enough, it seems that the last person to learn the secret is Joffrey himself. Not that he's willing to doubt his own legitimacy; he's more concerned about the existance of Robert's bastard children, as he believes they would be an insult to his father's memory. (The irony, it hurts.) In the midst of redecorating the throne room he questions Cersei about it all, and is pretty darn rude. Cersei does what all of us having been longing to and gets the requisite Joffrey slap of the season in. Unfortunately it appears Joffrey isn't half so afraid of her as he is of Tyrion - or maybe it's becasue he's king now. "What you just did is punishable by death. You will never do it again. ''Never''" Cersei's hold over her son is crumbling fast, and she knows it.

Meanwhile, back in Winterfell, Bran is bored with being the Lord of a castle, but he's soon livened up by a wolf dream and a red comet, which Osha forebodingly says means 'dragons'. Cut to...

Then to Dragonstone, where Stannis Baratheon is having a nighttime bonfire on the beach. And by bonfire we mean he's burning the statues of the Seven at the urging of Melisandre, who has a thing for red and fire and who is one strange lady. "The night is dark, and full of terrors." Maester Cressen and Davos, Stannis's right hand man, aren't too happy about that. Cutting to inside the castle, Stannis dictates a very exact letter addressed to all the lords of the Seven Kingdoms, revealing that the Baratheon family tree wasn't exactly forking[[hottip:*:Or at least not with legitimate roots]]. Neither was the Lannister one, for that matter. It turns out that Maester Cressen is ''so'' unhappy with Melisandre and the road she's planning to take Stannis down that he tries to poison her. ''Try'' being the word, because not only does he have to drink first to pretend the wine he offers is safe, but as she watches him die she takes a big draught without flinching, as the ruby at her throat flashes. "The night is dark and full of terrors, old man, but the fire burns them all away."

In Robb's camp, peace terms are under discussion between Robb and Alton Lannister. Robb basically wants his sisters, his father's bones and his father's sword back, and for the North to be left alone from now on. Alton is amenable to the first three, not so much with the last one. And Robb reminds us, once again, that just about everyone now knows the Lannisters' dirty little secret, just before he dispatches Theon to the Iron Islands so as to drum up support from his family, and Catelyn to negotiate with Renly Baratheon.

Ironically enough, it seems that the last person to learn the secret is Joffrey himself. Not that he's willing to doubt his own legitimacy; he's more concerned about the existance of Robert's bastard children, as he believes they would be an insult to his father's memory. (The irony, it hurts.) In the midst of redecorating the throne room he questions Cersei about it all, and is pretty darn rude. Cersei does what all of us having been longing to and gets the requisite Joffrey slap of the season in. Unfortunately it appears Joffrey isn't half so afraid of her as he is of Tyrion - or maybe it's becasue he's king now - and tells her if she does that again, she'll die for it. Cersei's hold over her son is crumbling, and she knows it.

And she's powerless to stop what comes next, which happens to be a lot of Gold Cloaks bursting into Littlefinger's brothel, where Ros has apparently been promoted - by what means we shall not guess - and is coaching the girls with a rather familiar speech. Janos Slynt arrives, seizes Robert's infant daughter Barra and, as her mother screams, slits her throat. [[hottip:*:How's ''that'' for outdoing episode 1? Bran's push suddenly looks mild by comparison.]]

The same is happening to black haired children all over the city. (How many bastard children did Joffrey think Robert ''had?'') But, though they're prepared to torture Tobho Mott for information, they've managed to let at least one bastard slip through their grip...

It's Joffrey's name day tournament. Remember what Joffrey was like last season? Well, now he's having a man drowned in wine for arriving to fight late and slightly drunk, isn't that ''nice?''. Sansa, thinking quickly, gets the tipsy Ser Dontos off the hook, but it's clear everyone is taking care not to offend Joffrey. Except for Tyrion, who shows up out of the blue and also shows up Joffrey completely.

Tyrion then proceeds to the meeting of the Small Council to show up Joffrey's mother as well. Tyrion is definitely not the brother Cersei would prefer to see right now, but she's stuck with him - he's the one in their father's good books, for once, which means he's the one standing in for Tywin as Hand of the King. He suggests that Arya Stark would be a good bargaining chip in negotiations with Robb Stark, and is none too pleased when Cersei admits that she not only let Joffrey behead Ned Stark, she's lost his younger daughter as well.

We follow the red comet to the Land Beyond the Wall, where Jon, Mormont, Sam and their party have been travelling for some time, and are now arriving at Craster's Keep. The good news is: there are girls! The bad news is: the lads can't touch them. The ugly news is: they're Craster's daughters...and his wives, too. ''Eeeesh.'' 'Your house, your rules' never sounded so nasty before. Jon is understandably as creeped out as we are, but Mormont, also understandably, tells him to keep his mouth shut. Also; where are all of Craster's sons?

Then to Dragonstone, where Stannis Baratheon is having a nighttime bonfire on the beach. And by bonfire we mean he's burning the statues of the Seven at the urging of Melisandre, who has a thing for red and fire and who is one strange lady. Maester Cressen and Davos, Stannis's right hand man, aren't too happy about that. Cutting to inside the castle, Stannis dictates a very exact letter addressed to all the lords of the Seven Kingdoms, revealing that the Baratheon family tree wasn't exactly forking[[hottip:*:Or at least not with legitimate roots]]. Neither was the Lannister one, for that matter. It turns out that Maester Cressen is ''so'' unhappy with Melisandre and the road she's planning to take Stannis down that he tries to poison her. ''Try'' being the word, because not only does he have to drink first to pretend the wine he offers is safe, but as she watches him die she takes a big draught without flinching, as the ruby at her throat flashes.

Back in King's Landing, Tyrion and Shae have some time together where they discuss just how appalling the city smells, and Littlefinger tries to one up Cersei. It really doesn't work, since she pulls on him what he pulled on Ned last year - the palace guards belong to her, for the moment, and Littlefinger will have to watch himself.

* AnyoneCanDie: [[spoiler:Cressen.]]

* MoralEventHorizon: Janos Slynt's betrayal of Ned was a bit lost to the audience next to Littlefinger's betrayal. Not so much his leading a massacre of [[spoiler:Robert's bastards, including personally killing baby Barra, which is a case of AdaptationalVillainy; in the books the killing of Barra, and her mother, is carried out by Allar Deem, an officer under Slynt's command.]].

* NiceJobBreakingItHerod: Joffrey's orders to the Gold Cloaks to kill all the black-haired bastard children in the city. Subverted in that Joffrey is only partly worried about some illegitimate claimant causing problems and mostly wants rid of his "father's" bastards as he sees them as a personal insult. Also, no such claimant exists, as almost all the victims are genuinely ignorant of their parentage and there are no shortage of other relations farther up the line of succession. On the other hand, played straight in that the only bastard who knows where he comes from and is old enough to cause problems, Gendry, escapes the massacre and has made it out of the city.

* RememberTheNewGuy: Dolorous Edd is suddenly part of Commander Mormont's group, without the scene from the book where he meets up with them.
* SparedByAdaptation: Doreah, who in the books dies in the Red Waste. Also [[spoiler:Mhaegen, who, in the books dies to protect Barra.]]

* DeadpanSnarker: Robb, of all people

In Robb's camp, peace terms are under discussion between Robb and alton Lannister. Robb basically wants his sisters, his father's bones and his father's sword back, and for the North to be left alone from now on. Alton is amenable to the first three, not so much with the last one. And Robb reminds us, once again, that just about everyone now knows the Lannisters' dirty little secret, just before he dispatches Theon to the Iron Islands so as to drum up support from his family, and Catelyn to negotiate with Renly Baratheon.

** DeathByAdaptation: Daenerys' mare. In the books she's still alive.

Then to Dragonstone, where Stannis Baratheon is having a nighttime bonfire on the beach. And by bonfire we mean he's burning the statues of the Seven at the urging of Melisandre, who has a thing for red and fire and who is one strange lady. Maester Cressen and Davos, Stannis's right hand man, aren't too happy about that. Cutting to inside the castle, Stannis dictates a very exact letter addressed to all the lords of the Seven Kingdoms, revealing that the Baratheon family tree wasn't exactly forking[[hottip:Or at least not with legitimate roots]]. Neither was the Lannister one, for that matter. It turns out that Maester Cressen is ''so'' unhappy with Melisandre and the road she's planning to take Stannis down that he tries to poison her. ''Try'' being the word, because not only does he have to drink first to pretend the wine he offers is safe, but as she watches him die she takes a big draught without flinching, as the ruby at her throat flashes.

And she's powerless to stop what comes next, which happens to be a lot of Gold Cloaks bursting into Littlefinger's brothel, where Ros has apparently been promoted - by what means we shall not guess - and is coaching the girls with a rather familiar speech. Janos Slynt arrives, seizes Robert's infant daughter Barra and, as her mother screams, slits her throat. [[hottip:How's ''that'' for outdoing episode 1? Bran's push suddenly looks mild by comparison.]]

The same is happening to black haired children all over the city. (How many bastard children did Joffrey think Robert ''had?'') But, though they're torturing Tobho Mott for information, they've managed to let at least one bastard slip through their grip...

Actually, it turns out that there's ''one'' person who doesn't seem to know the secret yet - that being, ironically enough, Joffrey himself. He's more concerned about the possibility of any of Robert's bastards being used against him. In the midst of redecorating the throne room he questions Cersei about it, and is pretty darn rude. Cersei does what all of us having been longing to and gets the requisite Joffrey slap of the season in. Unfortunately it appears Joffrey isn't half so afraid of her as he is of Tyrion - or maybe it's becasue he's king now - and tells her if she does that again, she'll die for it. Cersei's hold over her son is crumbling, and she knows it.

Then to Dragonstone, where Stannis Baratheon is having a nighttime bonfire on the beach. And by bonfire we mean he's burning the statues of the Seven at the urging of Melisandre, who has a thing for red and fire and who is one strange lady. Maester Cressen and Davos, Stannis's right hand man, aren't too happy about that. Cutting to inside the castle, Stannis dictates a very exact letter addressed to all the lords of the Seven Kingdoms, revealing that the Baratheon family tree wasn't exactly forking. Neither was the Lannister one, for that matter. It turns out that Maester Cressen is ''so'' unhappy with Melisandre and the road she's planning to take Stannis down that he tries to poison her. ''Try'' being the word, because not only does he have to drink first to pretend the wine he offers is safe, but as she watches him die she takes a big draught without flinching, as the ruby at her throat flashes.

And she's powerless to stop what comes next, which happens to be a lot of Gold Cloaks bursting into Littlefinger's brothel, where Ros has apparently been promoted - by what means we shall not guess - and is coaching the girls with a rather familiar speech. Janos Slynt arrives, seizes Robert's infant daughter Barra and, as her mother screams, slits her throat.

The same is happening to black haired children all over the city. (How many bastard children did Robert ''have?'') But, though they're torturing Tobho Mott for information, they've managed to let at least one bastard slip through their grip...

* MoralEventHorizon: Janos Slynt's betrayal of Ned was a bit lost to the audience next to Littlefinger's betrayal. Not so much his leading a massacre of [[spoiler:Robert's bastards, including personally killing baby Barra]].

* SparedByAdaptation: Doreah, who in the books dies in the Red Waste.

* SparedByAdaptation: Doreah, who in the books dies in the Red Waste

* AmbiguouslyEvil [[EvilRedhead Redhead]]: Melisandre

* MoralEventHorizon: Janos Slynt's betrayal of Ned was a bit lost to the audience next to Littlefinger's betrayal. Not so much his leading a massacre of Robert's bastards, including personally killing baby Barra.