History Quotes / YouNeedtoGetLaid

-->-- ''[[http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544207779&chapter=1 My Friend, My Lover]]''

->''It's hard not to look all [[InvadedStatesOfAmerica all these war games about Russia invading America]] and not be reminded of fan-fiction. America is a fat teenage virgin lying on her front on her bed staring up at her [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward and Bella]] poster while crossing and uncrossing her ankles and dreamily writing creepy stories about having filthy monkey sex with the quiet Eastern European boy down the road. And the child psychologist hired by her concerned parents gives the following advice: "What this girl needs is a good hard dicking!"

->'''The Eleventh Doctor:''' [[ReallySevenhundredYearsOld I'm 907 years old]]! Do you understand what that means?! \\

'''The Eleventh Doctor:''' Ye-No, no, ''no!''

[[folder:Light Novels]]
->''"You don't have any place to channel all that adolescent frustration boiling inside you. Isn't that what's really fueling all this impulsive behaviour? Snap out of it. Go find yourself a good-looking guy and let him walk you home from school. Heck, go see a movie with him on Sunday or something."''
-->-- '''Kyon''', ''LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya''
[[/folder]]

-->-- '''Webcomic/LeftoverSoup''', [[http://www.leftoversoup.com/archive.php?num=673 "What does Gina need?"]]

->''It's hard not to look all [[InvadedStatesOfAmerica all these war games about Russia invading America]] and not be reminded of fan-fiction. America is a fat teenage virgin lying on her front on her bed staring up at her [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward and Bella]] poster while crossing and uncrossing her ankles and dreamily writing creepy stories about having filthy monkey sex with the quiet, Eastern European boy down the road. And the child psychologist hired by her concerned parents gives the following advice: "What this girl needs is a good hard dicking!"

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/Vinesauce Joel]]''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXVDKW-HpPM&t=6395s after ranting about anime]]

"Prime, schmime," scoffed Admiral Janeway. "Federation parameters, Starfleet regulations...I went 23 years without sex because of that rubbish, and look what it's done to me!" she shouted, indicating her white hair. "Well I'm going to change things. Kathryn, I want you to have sex with Chakotay. Hell, have sex with anybody! Just stop being such a sanctimonious bitch and GET LAID!"

->''"This is the episode that seals the deal as far as Harry being a useless chump is concerned…he had the chance to get down and dirty with Seven of Nine but instead chose to [[SexIsEvil run away little a frightened little boy]]. Surely this guy cannot be any more wet? Every time Harry gets angry or upset like he does in sickbay when Tom [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad cracks some Borg jokes]] I always want to slap him around the face with a wet halibut. I can’t decide whether it is Garrett Wang’s performance or the character but he is so earnest about everything you just want to make him do something really bad to make sure he is definitely a human being. Only Harry Kim would have midnight inspiration about reconfiguring astrometric projectors! Most normal guys [[GeekyTurnOn just have a wank.]]"''
-->-- '''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/voyager-season-four.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Revulsion"

->'''The Dicktor:''' That didn't stop [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Captain Kirk]] from [BoldlyComing shagging everything in sight!]]

"Prime, schmime," scoffed the admiral. "Federation parameters, Starfleet regulations...I went 23 years without sex because of that rubbish, and look what it's done to me!" she shouted, indicating her white hair. "Well I'm going to change things. Kathryn, I want you to have sex with Chakotay. Hell, have sex with anybody! Just stop being such a sanctimonious bitch and GET LAID!"

-->-- ''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/voyager-season-four.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Revulsion"

-->--'''[[WebVideo/ADoseOfBuckley Buckley]]''' explaining why this is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op4kRRd9YbY not a valid argument for disagreeing with his worst song picks]].

->This led directly into a new ''Uncanny ComicBook/XMen'', with Cyclops the mutant revolutionary rock star at its center. In a little over a decade, Scott Summers went from boring boy scout to jaw-dropping, unapologetic cover boy. All it took was a little kinky sex.

-->--' ''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/voyager-season-four.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Revulsion"

->'''Kochanski:''' Rimmer?
->'''Rimmer:''' Yes Ma'am?
->'''Kochanski:''' Have sex with someone, and that's an order.
->'''Rimmer:''' Yes Ma'am, right away.
->'''Lister:''' ''(Handing Rimmer a business card)'' Here, ring this number, say I sent you, tell them it's an emergency.
-->-- ''Series/RedDwarf''

->''"That Kaiba kid needs to get laid."''
-->-- '''Many, ''[[RunningGag many]]'' people''', ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''

->''"Ninety-nine percent of the trouble in the world is caused by unmarried men."''
-->-- '''Schulz''', ''[[Series/HogansHeroes Duel of Honor]]''

->'''The Eleventh Doctor:''' [[ReallySevenhundredYearsOld I'm 907 years old]]! Do you understand what that means?! \\
'''Amy:''' It's been a while? \\
'''The Eleventh Doctor:''' Ye-No, no, ''no!''
-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Flesh and Stone"

->''"I really didn't come here looking to fight you... but if it's some [[UnusualEuphemism one-on-one]] you want, I hear you have a ''great'' red light district."''
-->--'''Maeda Keiji''', ''VideoGame/SengokuBasara'' anime

->'''Lady Macbeth:''' My plan ''will'' work! Macbeth just needs to screw his courage to his sticking place!
->'''Sassy Gay Friend:''' No. [[DeadpanSnarker He needs to screw his courage to]] ''[[DeadpanSnarker your]]'' [[DoubleEntendre sticking place.]]
->'''Lady Macbeth:''' ''(gasps)''
->'''Sassy Gay Friend:''' Yeah. I said it. Because, sister, you need a hobby or an orgasm, ''stat''.
-->-- ''WebVideo/SassyGayFriend: Theatre/{{Macbeth}}''

->'''Jubilee:''' I mean, even if Scott and Jean have been having sex all this time, I don’t see how it hurts anybody. Hell, I can see some benefits to it!
->'''Bobby:''' Yeah, maybe that was why they were so uptight to begin with! They just needed to get laid!
-->-- ''[[http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544207779&chapter=1 My Friend, My Lover]]''

->''#228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding UsefulNotes/{{WW2}}.''
-->--'''[[http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html 1975 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG]]'''

->'''Iroh''': There are a lot of pretty girls here, Zuko. You could settle down here, and you could have a blessed life. You don't have to continue this, Zuko.
->'''Zuko''': We'll catch him [the Avatar] soon, Uncle. Then we could think about the pretty girls.
-->-- ''Film/TheLastAirbender''

->''"On the other hand, maybe [[CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot all of this could have been avoided]] if you had just managed to get laid once in a while. You can't even tell me you'd be this tightly wound if you were receiving [[UnusualEuphemism Treasure Type O]] regularly."''
-->-- '''Roy Greenhilt''', ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', to '''Miko Miyazaki''' following her fall.

->''"This is the episode that seals the deal as far as Harry being a useless chump is concerned…he had the chance to get down and dirty with Seven of Nine but instead chose to [[SexIsEvil run away little a frightened little boy]]. Surely this guy cannot be any more wet? Every time Harry gets angry or upset like he does in sickbay when Tom [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad cracks some Borg jokes]] I always want to slap him around the face with a wet halibut. I can’t decide whether it is Garrett Wang’s performance or the character but he is so earnest about everything you just want to make him do something really bad to make sure he is definitely a human being. Only Harry Kim would have midnight inspiration about reconfiguring astrometric projectors! Most normal guys [[GeekyTurnOn just have a wank.]]"''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/voyager-season-four.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Revulsion"

->And so Fire Lord Sozin was left with a harem containing nothing but oversized pillows. \\
A week later he had drawn up a first draft of plans to conquer the world.
-->-- ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5146116/109/The-Ember-Island-Lighthouse-A-Beacon-of-Insanity The Ember Island Lighthouse: A Beacon of Insanity]]'' fic

->''"Ah, my favourite; the old 'You need to get laid'. Because, apparently, I've never had sex, and ''only'' people who had sex like poorly, lazily produced pop music. If I had known that, I would've never ever had sex in my life, but luckily, 'stupid' is not a sexually-transmitted disease, and I'm fine. I find this argument usually comes from people who are virgins themselves; people who believe 'sex solves ''everything''', because if they ever had sex, they know that it doesn't change the way you perceive music, movies, TV shows, sports, or anything else people like to use this argument for."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/ADoseOfBuckley Buckley]]''' explaining why this is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op4kRRd9YbY not a valid argument for disagreeing with his worst song picks]].

-> ''"Connor, you should get out more. Go to a bar, meet a nice girl, life will seem a whole lot less confusing to you then."''

-> When I was a little lad,\\
So my mother told me,\\
That if I didn't kiss a girl\\
Me lips would all grow mouldy.
-->-- "Haul away Joe", a sea shanty

->"Ha, the Shinji Effect. She [Asuka] is even being nice to Rei... She starts being nice to her in ''Manga/ReTake'' as well. Maybe banging Shinji makes her docile..."
-->--''Manga/{{Evangelion 303}}'', ''[[http://eva303.smackjeeves.com/comics/1347545/040/ commenter in chapter 6]]''

->''"Go ahead and try to hit me if you’re able.''
->''Can’t you see that my relationship is stable?''
->''I can see you hate the way we intermingle.''
->''But I think you’re just mad ‘cause you’re single."''
-->--'''[[spoiler:Garnet]]''', ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse''

->''“Well, His Majesty knows because it happened on Avalon, and therefore he knows about it. And what he said and your reactions made it easy for me to figure it out. Congratulations, by the way. You both look so damn happy I’m envious all over again. You two both needed last night, I think. You’re practically glowing, and giving off a cloud of very specific pheromones so powerful I’m practically getting a contact high from standing downwind of you. Every Imperial here is going to be able to tell because of things like that. There’s also the hundred subtle cues of posture, facial expression, and body language that tell say, trained psychiatrists, for example, that things between you two are different from yesterday.”''
-->--'''Ching''', ''Fanfic/ACrownOfStars'', ''chapter 43''

->'''Woman Journalist:''' Tell me, Mr. Bowman, in your opinion do these men climb to prove their manhood, or is it more a matter of [[CompensatingForSomething compensating for inferiority feelings?]]
->'''Ben Bowman:''' Lady, why don't you go get yourself screwed? It would do you a lot of good.
-->-- ''The Eiger Sanction'' (1975)

->This led directly into a new ''Uncanny ComicBook/XMen'', with Cyclops the mutant revolutionary rock star at its center. In a little over a decade, Scott Summers went from boring boy scout to jaw-dropping, unapologetic cover boy. All it took was a little kinky sex.
-->-- '''Rowan Kaiser''' [[https://medium.com/@RowanKaiser/how-i-learned-to-love-cyclops-and-his-sexy-sexy-butt-9bf878290bae#.9p7oyrv5m summing up]] Cyclops' post-2000s characterization

->There was spring, a man's love, his heat and his strength, his smell, the joy of taking and being taken, everything you don't know, that you're dying to know and never will. You must not be attractive in bed if your husband prefers boys.
-->--'''Marguerite de Bourgogne''' to Isabelle de France (her sister-in-law, married to the homosexual Edward II of England), ''Literature/TheAccursedKings''

->''Having sex could make a nice man out of the meanest!''
-->--'''Music/TheLonelyIsland''', "I Just Had Sex"

->'''Rosa:''' C'mon, sir, the math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.\\
''(Amy makes an OhCrap face)''\\
'''Holt:''' ...what did you say?\\
'''Amy:''' Don't say it again!\\
'''Rosa:''' I said you two need to bone.\\
''({{Beat}} as Amy closes her eyes and [[ThisIsGonnaSuck braces herself for the inevitable]])''\\
'''Holt:''' Hooooooww dare you, Detective Diaz? I am your SUPERIOR OFFICER!\\
''(five minutes later)''\\
'''Holt:''' ''(in the doorway of his office)'' BOOOOOOONE?!?!?!\\
''(ten minutes later)''\\
'''Holt:''' ''(back next to Diaz's and Santiago's desks)'' What happens in my bedroom, Detective, is none of your business.\\
''(21 minutes later)''\\
'''Holt:''' ''(once again in the doorway of his office)'' BOOOOOOOONE?!?!?!?!\\
''(40 minutes later)''\\
'''Holt:''' ''(calmly, in front of Diaz and Santiago)'' Don't ever speak to me like that ever again. ''(walks back to his office)''\\
'''Amy:''' ''(faintly)'' Why did you do that?\\
'''Rosa:''' Dude was pent up. Now he knows. Problem solved.
-->-- ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'', "Skyfire Cycle"

''({{Beat}} as Amy closes her eyes and [[ThisIsGonnaSuck braces herself for the inevitable]])\\

-->'''Rosa:''' C'mon, sir, the math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.\\

-->-- ''Series/Brooklyn99'', "Skyfire Cycle"

'''Amy:''' Don't say it again!
'''Rosa:''' I said you two need to bone.
''({{Beat}} as Amy closes her eyes and [[ThisIsGonnaSuck braces herself for the inevitable]])