History Quotes / KangarooCourt

->'''Captain Darling:''' May it please the court, as this is clearly an open and shut case, I beg leave to bring a private prosecution against the defence counsel for wasting the court's time.\\

->''"Wait... Wait a minute, hold on! Wait a minute. So there was no statement by the defense, no attorney appointed to the defense, no witnesses called, no evidence presented, nobody even bothered to notice that we literally got here four minutes and thirty-four seconds before we were arrested, and ''there wasn't even a jury''? This is more rigged than UsefulNotes/SaddamHussein's trial!''"

->''"Wait...Wait a minute, hold on! Wait a minute. So there was no statement by the defense, no attorney appointed to the defense, no witnesses called, no evidence presented, nobody even bothered to notice that we literally got here four minutes and thirty-four seconds before we were arrested, and ''there wasn't even a jury?'' This is more rigged than UsefulNotes/SaddamHussein's trial!''"
-->-- '''{{LetsPlay/Chuggaaconroy}}''', ''LetsPlay VideoGame/SuperMarioSunshine''

->''"Give me the man and I will give you the case against him."''

!!!RealLife
->''"Give me six lines written by the most honorable of men, and I will find an excuse in them to hang him."''
-->-- '''UsefulNotes/CardinalRichelieu'''

->''"All this humiliating business was made worse by the rise of Senator [[UsefulNotes/JosephMcCarthy Joe McCarthy]]. Yet, to be fair, [=McCarthy=] could never have flourished had it not been for UsefulNotes/HarrySTruman's mandatory loyalty oaths for all government workers because the Russians were coming, and we must root out their agents wherever they may be and a crypto-commie, if he swore falsely, would, everyone knew, [[SweepingAshes crumble to ashes]]."''
-->-- '''Creator/GoreVidal''' on the RedScare.

->"It is as if twenty years after [[UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution Yorktown]] somebody in power at Washington found it necessary for the safety of the State to send to the scaffold UsefulNotes/ThomasJefferson, [[UsefulNotes/JamesMadison Madison]], UsefulNotes/JohnAdams, [[UsefulNotes/AlexanderHamilton Hamilton]], [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Jay Jay]] and most of their associates. The charge against them would be that they conspired to hand over the United States to [[UsefulNotes/TheHouseOfHanover George III]]."
-->-- 1938 ''New York Times'' editorial about Stalin's purge of the Old Bolsheviks

->From beginning to end the trial was such a parody of justice that it would be [[InsultToRocks insulting to marsupials]] even to call it a kangaroo court.
-->-- ''Death Plus Ten Years'', by Roger Cooper.

----
!!!Fiction

->''"Five hundred years ago, military officers would upend a drum on the battlefield. They'd sit at it and dispense summary justice. Decisions were quick, punishments severe; appeals denied. Those who came to a drumhead were doomed."''
-->--'''Captain Jean-Luc Picard''', ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "[[Recap/StarTrekTheNextGenerationS4E21TheDrumhead The Drumhead]]"

->''"The offender Miles O'Brien, human, officer of [[TheFederation the Federation]]'s Starfleet, has been found guilty of aiding and abetting seditious acts against [[TheEmpire the state]]. The sentence is death; let the trial begin."''
-->-- '''[[HangingJudge Chief Archon Makbar]]''', ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Tribunal"

->''"We will now deliberate and return with a guilty verdict."''
-->-- '''Judith Draper''', ''Series/ThirdRockFromTheSun''

->'''Captain Darling:''' May it please the court, as this is clearly an open and shut case, I beg leave to bring a private prosecution against the defence counsel for wasting the court's time.
->'''Judge Melchett:''' Granted. The defence counsel is fined fifty pounds for turning up.
-->-- ''[[Series/{{Blackadder}} Blackadder Goes Forth]]''

->''"I will see to it that you receive a fair trial, after which you will be shot."''
-->-- '''General Burkhalter''', ''Series/HogansHeroes''

->"Atticus had used every tool available to free men to save Tom Robinson, but in [[ConvictedByPublicOpinion the secret courts of men's hearts]] Atticus had no case."
-->--''Literature/ToKillAMockingbird''

->'''Mayor:''' Court Stenographer, please stenography that we're starting the trial now.\\
'''Public Defender:''' There ''isn't'' a stenographer, your honor. Or a bailiff. Or a prosecutor. Or ''any'' of the personnel required to have a legal trial in this state, or any known democracy for that m-\\
'''Mayor:''' You are on ''fire'' today, counsellor! Accused, you're lucky to have this guy!
-->--''WebComic/TeamFortress2, Unhappy Returns''

->'''Mulder:''' I'm putting the truth on trial.\\
'''X''': ''What'' truth? ''Whose'' truth? You think these men will even hear it?\\
'''Mulder:''' They're afraid to hear it.\\
'''X:''' ''(spiteful)'' They're not afraid. They have too much power to be afraid. You're going to learn that, just like I did. You'll die learning it.
-->--''Series/TheXFiles'', "The Truth"

->''"You will play the role of the prosecuting attorney. On Alternia, there is no such thing as a defense attorney, or a defense. In a courtblock, the word defense itself is offensive."''
-->-- '''Terezi Pyrope''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

->''"Before the full investigation is underway, a legislacerator will always have a chief suspect in mind. The one she will hold guilty until proven otherwise, a process customarily taking place after the execution."''
-->-- '''Terezi Pyrope''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

->''"Sentence first! Verdict afterwards."''
-->-- '''The Queen of Hearts''', ''Literature/AliceInWonderland''

->''"Koopa Court is now in session! Bailiff Mouser, read those phony charges you and I cooked up!"''
-->-- '''Bowser (King Koopa)''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosSuperShow''

->"Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskopf had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. Such men were dangerous, and even the new cadet officers whom Clevinger had helped into office were eager to give damning testimony against him. The case against Clevinger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with."

->'''Superwoman:''' When next we '''[[BoldInflation meet]]''', Superman, it'll be in "'''court'''"!\\
'''Superman:''' ''(thinking)'' Yes...you, me, and the '''kangaroos'''!
-->-- ''Comicbook/{{Superman}}'' #349, "The Turnabout Trap!" (1980)

->'''Mayor''': Evidence? That's not how our court system works.\\
'''Aang''': Then how can I prove my innocence?\\
'''Mayor''': Simple -- I say what happened, then you say what happened, and then I decide who's right. That's why we call it "justice," because it's ''just us''.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender''

->''That's the night when the lights went out in Georgia''\\
''That's the night when they hung an innocent man''\\
''So don't trust your soul to some backwoods Southern lawyer''\\
'''Cause the judge of the town's got bloodstains on his hands''
-->-- '''Music/VickiLawrence''', "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia"

->'''Jones''': Our clients plead guilty, your honor.\\
'''Roy''': What?!? No, we don't!\\
'''Jones''': Yes you do. Listen, here there are two types of accused: those who plead guilty, and those who piss off the judge with a time-consuming trial before being found guilty.\\
'''Rodriguez''': The conviction rate is 114%, [[LampshadeHanging and that doesn't even make sense!]]\\
'''Roy''': ...Fine. We plead guilty.
-->-- ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick''

->''"Wait...Wait a minute, hold on! Wait a minute. So there was no statement by the defense, no attorney appointed to the defense, no witnesses called, no evidence presented, nobody even bothered to notice that we literally got here four minutes and thirty-four seconds before we were arrested, and ''there wasn't even a jury?'' This is more rigged than UsefulNotes/SaddamHussein's trial!''"
-->-- '''{{LetsPlay/Chuggaaconroy}}''', ''[[LetsPlay Let's Play]] VideoGame/SuperMarioSunshine''

->''"A plea of innocence in my court is guilty of wasting my time! Guilty!"''
-->-- '''Lord Karamozov''', ''TabletopGame/Warhammer40000''

->''"Well, at best, they will put you on trial - or what seems to be one, then execute you. At worst, they will dispense with the courtroom mockery and execute you as soon as you step within the gate. And when I say "execute," do not think it will be [[OffWithHisHead one clean chop of a headsman's axe]]... Luskans have all sorts of [[CruelAndUnusualDeath inventive ways for executing prisoners]] that is not best to describe on a full stomach."''
-->-- '''Sand''', ''VideoGame/NeverwinterNights2''

->'''Judge''': Court is now in session!\\
'''Pianta''': Mario is guilty.\\
'''Judge''': Court adjourned!\\
'''Mario''': Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
-->-- ''Fanfic/BlooperMarioSunshine''

'''Very Old Inquisitor''': Oh, come on. You always take too long. Guilty.\\
'''Lawyer''': Just a minute, sir. We must observe certain legal, civil, and moral laws as written into the code of Western liberalism. ''(to Candide)'' Death by hanging.

->'''Scarface:''' The prosecutor is ready, likewise our [[BlatantLies fair and impartial jury.]]\\
'''Mad Hatter:''' Hang him.\\
'''Harley Quinn:''' Shoot him!\\
'''Killer Croc:''' [[BrickJoke Hit him with a rock!!!]]\\
'''Scarface:''' And now, all rise for the [[BlatantLies most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful]] Judge Joker!\\
'''The Joker:''' Guilty!
-->--''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries'', "Trial"

->'''Hacker:''' I want to trace the culprit.\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' Yes, Prime Minister.\\
'''Hacker:''' And I want a prosecution.\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' Yes, Prime Minister.\\
'''Hacker:''' And I want a conviction.\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' ''(pause)'' We can try and trace the culprit, we can prosecute, but under the present political system, there are problems about the government actually guaranteeing a conviction.\\
'''Hacker:''' A little drinkie with the judge?\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' It's unthinkable. There is no way any pressure can be placed on a British judge.\\
'''Hacker:''' Well how does one secure a conviction?\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' Well simple, you find a judge who won't need any pressure put on him.\\
'''Hacker:''' Oh.\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' A quiet word with the Lord Chancellor, find a judge who's hoping to be made a Lord of Appeal, and then leave justice to take her own impartial and majestic course.\\
'''Hacker:''' And that does the trick?\\
'''Sir Humphrey:''' Well not always. Sometimes they're so obviously trying for a conviction, that the jury acquits out of sheer bloody-mindedness.
-->--''Series/YesPrimeMinister''

->''"You're on trial today for the crimes that you've committed. We're gonna prove ya guilty! Just try and get acquitted."''
-->--''WesternAnimation/PlutosJudgementDay''

->''"I had reached my verdict on the Feldenstein case before I ever came into the courtroom. I would have found him guilty whatever the evidence. It was not a trial at all. It was a sacrificial ritual in which Feldenstein the Jew was the helpless victim."''
-->-- '''Ernst Janning''', ''Film/JudgmentAtNuremberg''

->'''Riq IV:''' Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?\\
'''Morty:''' How is this a fair trial? Our lawyer is a Morty!\\
'''Riq IV:''' It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "The Rickshank Redemption"

->''The Tamriel legal system has its basis in the civilized, reasonable credo uttered by the prophet Marukh in the first era: "All are guilty until they have proven themselves innocent." Were truer word ever spoke?''
-->-- '''Anchivius, M.Z.F.''', in the book ''[[Literature/TheElderScrollsInUniverseBooks Legal Basics]]'' from ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIIDaggerfall''

->''Well, fine. If that's the way you're going to be, I'll save you the trouble of finishing your kangaroo court's vote. Effective immediately-- I quit.''
-->-- '''ComicBook/CarolDanvers''', ''Fanfic/APrizeForThreeEmpires''

->''Oh and by the way, the "trial" the Autobots are given is pretty screwed up. Once the Autobots arrive the judge tells them what they're accused of and then immediately sentences them. Shouldn't the Autobots get a chance to defend themselves?''
-->-- '''Website/TFWikiDotNet''' on "[[WesternAnimation/TheTransformers Megatron's Master Plan Part 1]]"

->"Yer a fine soundin' bunch o' jailbird lawyers. You all get your chance at the trial... First thing in the morning... And then we'll shoot you!"
-->-- ''ComicBook/TheFurtherAdventuresOfIndianaJones'' #23

->The rebellion was over and what could be laughably called their trial was over even quicker.
-->-- '''[[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} Kara]]''', ''Fanfic/DaughterOfFireAndSteel''

->''' Defendant: ''' I have a statement to make, Your Honor.\\
'''Judge Jones:''' Oh, all right. Make your goddamn statement and then plead guilty, you heathen.\\
'''Defendant:''' [[BlatantLies I ain't guilty!]]\\
'''Judge Jones:''' ''(to the jury)'' How do you find?\\
'''Foreman of the Jury:''' Guilty.\\
'''Judge Jones:''' Hang the son of a bitch!
-->-- ''Revenge of the Mountain Man''

->'''Jim Gordon''': No lawyer, no witnesses? What sort of due process is this?\\
'''Dr. Jonathan Crane''': Your guilt has been determined. This is merely a sentencing hearing.
-->--''Film/TheDarkKnightRises''

-->--''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"

->''You have been brought to New Krypton to face criminal charges. Namely, the murder of some fifteen Kryptonians during your raid of our Earthbound city some months ago. Casualties including our leader, Zor-El. Tomorrow, you will be put on trial. You will be found guilty. And you will be sentenced.''
-->-- '''Alura In-Ze''', ''ComicBook/TheHuntForReactron''

->''"I shouldn't even be here. My trial was a real joke. Those fucking banana republic cops."''
-->--'''Collier''', ''Film/TheBigDollHouse''

->''Fury said to a mouse, \\
That he met in the house, \\
"Let us both go to law: I will prosecute you. \\
--Come, I'll take no denial; \\
We must have a trial: \\
For really this morning I've nothing to do." \\
Said the mouse to the cur, \\
"Such a trial, dear Sir, \\
With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath." \\
"I'll be judge, I'll be jury,"\\
Said cunning old Fury,\\
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death."
-->--'''Mouse''', ''Literature/AlicesAdventuresInWonderland''

->'''Joe:''' I can't believe this. Two weeks in prison on trumped-up charges. That trial was a total sham!
->'''Peter:''' Yeah, I knew we were in trouble the minute I saw the jury.
->''(cut to a jury box filled [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons "Simpsons"]] characters)''
->'''Peter:''' Well, at least they're a jury of our peers.
->'''Joe:''' I don't think they see it that way, Peter.
-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Cool Hand Peter"

-->-- ''Film/SweeneyToddTheDemonBarberOfFleetStreet'', about the hanging of an eight-year-old boy.

-->-- '''Wiki/TFWikiDotNet''' on ''[[WesternAnimation/TheTransformers Megatron's Master Plan Part 1]]''

-->-- '''Terezi Pryope''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

-->-- '''Terezi Pryope''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

-->--'''Captain Jean-Luc Picard''', ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "The Drumhead"

-->--'''Mouse'', ''Literature/AlicesAdventuresInWonderland''