History Quotes / JerkwithaHeartofGold

-->-- '''Mother's Milk to Billy Butcher''', ''Series/TheBoys'', "Get Some"

-->-- '''Freeman and Calvin''', the spirit mons of the SCC and CRC, on [[DeadpanSnarker Absent]], ''Pokemon: SOSchip,'' "Spiritual Endeavors"

->''"I think we should all have this attitude, folks. You shouldn't just settle for any old friend. There are nearly seven billion people on the planet, you only have time to be friends with nearly thirty of them. As far as I'm concerned, if you don't indicate on a roundabout, we're fuckin' done. Like, if you're one of those people that I need to get to know before I can like, FUCK YOU. I have no time. Have you tried being an outwardly nice person? Give that a whirl, you aloof prick! I have no time for that shit! 'Oh yeah, I know he seems like a dick, but when ya get to know him, he's actually a really nice bloke.' Yeah, unfortunately I'm not gonna get to know him, d'ya know why? 'Cause he seems like a dick! That's how that works! Gotta wade through the frosty exterior to find the warm, fuzzy beneath? Go fuck yourself."''
-->-- '''Creator/EdByrne''' {{defie|dTrope}}s the trope, ''Roaring Forties''

->'''Jeff Winger''': "Oh, please. I invented phony. You care about people. I accuse you of faking it to convince myself I'm not such a jerk."\\
'''Britta Perry''': "Jeff, you help people more than I do and you don't even want to. You're not a jerk, you're fine."

->''"Ever since he [Shinichi] was little he was a jerk, always full of himself, and a mystery otaku. But whenever you need him, he's dependable and brave and cool."''

When we treat you, which we may not do at all. \\

-->-- '''Creator/EdByrne''' [{{defie|dTrope}}s the trope, ''Roaring Forties''

-->-- '''Creator/EdByrne''' [[DefiedTrope defies]] the trope, ''Roaring Forties''

[cut to mail room]\\

[cue sentimental instrumental music]

->'''Luke:''' ''(after toaster shown to be broken works after being tested by Jess)'' It was broken before.\\
'''Jess:''' Well, it must've got better.\\
'''Luke:''' Inanimate objects don't usually "get better", did you fix this?\\
'''Jess:''' Please...\\
'''Luke:''' Jess?\\
'''Jess:''' I have no idea what you're babbling about. I don't fix things.\\
'''Luke:''' But yesterday--\\
'''Jess:''' I got school. ''(leaves)''

->'''Kee Nang''': "Gompa, I have ruined myself with the American. He is a fool."\\
'''The Old Man''': "But he's brave."\\
'''Kee Nang''': "He is irresponsible."\\
'''The Old Man''': "But he's generous."\\
'''Kee Nang''': "He thinks of nothing but protecting his own feelings."\\
'''The Old Man''': "But if you touch his heart, there's nothing he wouldn't do for you."\\
'''Kee Nang''': "He believes in nothing."\\
'''The Old Man''': "Yet, still he does what is right."\\
'''Kee Nang''': "He is a callous, thoughtless, undisciplined fool."\\
'''The Old Man''': [chuckles] "Yes. I, too, like him very much. It's very hard not to."

->'''Inuyasha:''' Uh, are you crying? Stop crying. STOP CRYING!!!\\
'''Kagome:''' Well, what should I do then, laugh?\\
'''Inuyasha:''' No, you should shut up and let me protect you!

->''This s**t don't fly with me\\

SO F**K KONY\\''

->'''Townspeople:'''\\
''Oh, there's nothing halfway about the Iowa way to treat you,\\

If your crops should happen to die.\\
'''Farmer:'''\\
So, what the heck, you're welcome,\\
Glad to have you with us.\\
'''Farmer and Wife:'''\\
Even though we may not ever mention it again.''

->'''[[AntiHero Ragna]]''': "Goddamnit! Are you blind!? There's no way we can leave [[WasOnceAMan that]] [[EldritchAbomination thing]] roaming around! Move, or I'll cut you down with him!"
->'''[[MsFanservice Litchi]]''': "I'm not moving."
->'''Ragna''': "Do you really know how dangerous that thing is? He's gone far beyond any level where you can save him. Seriously, if you don't move, I'll kill you too."
->'''Litchi''': "I won't step aside. I will take full responsibility for his actions. [[{{Hypocrite}} Besides, I can say the same about your ignorance. You're Ragna the Bloodedge, right? Do you know anything about thing about]] [[ArtifactOfDoom that grimoire you're carrying]]?"
->'''Ragna''': "You ''better'' choose your next words wisely."
->'''Litchi''': "Please..."
->'''Ragna''': "... Aw, jeez. Okay, okay, I got it. You can have it your way. So don't gimme that look. You're making me look like the bad guy."
->'''Litchi''': "Oh? Aren't you that vicious wanted criminal?"
->'''Ragna''': "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Alright, I'm takin' off, so that dirty rag is all yours. If it gets outta hand, make sure ya toss him in the incinerator. Or is it the compost heap?"
->'''Litchi''': "Ragna?"
->'''Ragna''': "Yeah?"
->'''Litchi''': "Thanks. You're a lot nicer than I thought."
->'''Ragna''': "Save it."

->Never let it be said that [[WebAnimation/{{RWBY}} Yang Xiao Long]] didn't have a heart. She did. But only for her friends, and people in need. Everyone else could fuck right off.

-> 'Cause they don't even know you\\

That you are not your skin

->'''Francis''': Sounds to me like you're backtracking a little, aren't you?
->'''Bluebeard''': [[SarcasmMode You don't say]]. And what makes you think so?
->'''Francis''': Well...you told them [Kong and his henchmen] I'm your friend.
->'''Bluebeard''': ''(grunts)''

'''Jess:''' I got school. ''(leaves''

-->-- '''Anime/HowlsMovingCastle'''

-->-- '''Jotaro Kujo''' to Noriaki Kakyoin, ''Anime/JoJosBizarreAdventure'' (2014 anime adaptation, English dub)

->'''He said that he's "an a-hole". But he's not, and I'm quoting him here, "100% a dick".'''

->''"Look... No one ever said Jotaro Kujo was a nice guy. I beat the crap out of people, more than I have to. Some are even still in the hospital. I've had idiot teachers who like to talk big, so I taught them a lesson, and they never came back to class. If I go to a restaurant and the food's bad, I make it a policy to stiff 'em with the bill. But... even a bastard like me... can spot true evil when he sees it. True evil are those who use the weak for their own gain, then crush them underfoot when they're through. Especially an innocent woman. And that is exactly what you've done, isn't it? And your Stand gets to hide from the victim, the law, and the consequences. That's why... I will judge you myself."''

->'''Peter''': Yeah. The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold.\\

'''Peter''': Okay! Okay! Man, what a bad-ass!\\
'''Man''': Yeah? Well that bad-ass just gave half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with diseases!\\

-->-- '''Fluttershy''' on Discord, ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'', "Keep Calm and Flutter On"

->'''Anne Shirley''': You're not an old ogre at all\\

Now lets be honest you and me...\\

or foorth\\
Its probably not the fith or sixth\\

Thats BAD\\

-->-- ''AnneOfGreenGables''

->''"Look... No one ever said Jotaro Kujo was a nice guy. I beat the crap out of people, more than I have to. Some are even still in the hospital. I've had idiot teachers who like to talk big, so I taught them a lesson, and they never came back to class. If I go to a restaurant and the food's bad, I make it a policy to stiff 'em with the bill. But... even a bastard like me... can spot true evil when he sees it. True evil are those who use the weak for their own gain then crush them underfoot when they're through. Especially an innocent woman. And that is exactly what you've done, isn't it? And your Stand gets to hide from the victim, the law, and the consequences. That's why... I will judge you myself."''

-->-- ''VideoGame/BlazBlue'' : ''Calamity Trigger''

-->-- '''Leslie Knope''', ''ParksAndRecreation''