History Quotes / HellsingUltimateAbridged

->'''Major:''' [[AC: And you finally get it. I...I see the line. The factory steel on society. A world mired in complacency, slaves to their instincts, and fueled by anger and hatred. [[InYourNatureToDestroyYourselves A rocket propellant as volatile as it is potent, and frighteningly self-sustaining.]]]]

->'''Major:''' [[AC: The ''point'', Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, is that [[PsychopathicManchild we are nothing but scared, spiteful children playing at adulthood]], a fictitious lie of comfort and, even more repugnant, complacence! [[[[HumansAreTheRealMonsters So what is a man to do but wage war so calamitous and glorious that it would snap humanity out of its foolish, worthless charade?!]] And who better an opponent than Hellsing?]]

->'''Major:''' [[AC: And you finally get it. I...I see the line. The factory steel on society. [[[[InYourNatureToDestroyYourselves A world mired in complacency, slaves to their instincts, and fueled by anger and hatred.]] A rocket propellant as volatile as it is potent, and frighteningly self-sustaining.]]

->'''Major:''' [[AC: The ''point'', Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, is that [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters we are nothing but]] [[PsychopathicManchild scared, spiteful children playing at adulthood]], a fictitious lie of comfort and, even more repugnant, complacence! So what is a man to do but wage war so calamitous and glorious that it would snap humanity out of its foolish, worthless charade?! And who better an opponent than Hellsing?]]

->'''Major:''' [[AC: And you finally get it. I...I see the line. The factory steel on society. A world mired in complacency, slaves to their instincts, and fueled by anger and hatred. A rocket propellant as volatile as it is potent, and frighteningly self-sustaining.]]

->'''Integra:''' [ShutUpHannibal No!]] A man is a homo-sapien made of meat and blood, not cogs and coolant and I'm just going to assume a hamster on a wheel!

-> ''"Hellsing's a silly show, because it's about someone who is flawed trying to take out things that are even more flawed. I think there's something kind of neat about that. But if there's any meaningful takeaway -- I know, "It's just an anime re-dub[=/=]cartoon." -- since I have a big audience here I can say a couple of things. You're not where you are right now. You're where you're going. And if you accept that which you cannot control, you control that which you have accepted. I love everyone who is sitting beside me. All the mods in the back, you guys have helped facilitate an amazing community. And I mean this honestly, we owe you so much. I am aware I have the distinct pleasure that many creators strive for their entire life, which is an audience for art I believe in. Everything can be made fun of. Nothing is above ridicule. And as I move forward, in the beginning of working on my original series, this is an amazing lesson in what can happen if you just work with people, focus on what you're good at, and do your best. In the end, you're gonna make mistakes, some of them bad, but 5 steps forward is still a step forward. Thank you all so much for giving this silly idea a shot. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."''

--> ''"Hellsing's a silly show, because it's about someone who is flawed trying to take out things that are even more flawed. I think there's something kind of neat about that. But if there's any meaningful takeaway -- I know, "It's just an anime re-dub[=/=]cartoon." -- since I have a big audience here I can say a couple of things. You're not where you are right now. You're where you're going. And if you accept that which you cannot control, you control that which you have accepted. I love everyone who is sitting beside me. All the mods in the back, you guys have helped facilitate an amazing community. And I mean this honestly, we owe you so much. I am aware I have the distinct pleasure that many creators strive for their entire life, which is an audience for art I believe in. Everything can be made fun of. Nothing is above ridicule. And as I move forward, in the beginning of working on my original series, this is an amazing lesson in what can happen if you just work with people, focus on what you're good at, and do your best. In the end, you're gonna make mistakes, some of them bad, but 5 steps forward is still a step forward. Thank you all so much for giving this silly idea a shot. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."''

---> ''"Hellsing's a silly show, because it's about someone who is flawed trying to take out things that are even more flawed. I think there's something kind of neat about that. But if there's any meaningful takeaway -- I know, "It's just an anime re-dub[=/=]cartoon." -- since I have a big audience here I can say a couple of things. You're not where you are right now. You're where you're going. And if you accept that which you cannot control, you control that which you have accepted. I love everyone who is sitting beside me. All the mods in the back, you guys have helped facilitate an amazing community. And I mean this honestly, we owe you so much. I am aware I have the distinct pleasure that many creators strive for their entire life, which is an audience for art I believe in. Everything can be made fun of. Nothing is above ridicule. And as I move forward, in the beginning of working on my original series, this is an amazing lesson in what can happen if you just work with people, focus on what you're good at, and do your best. In the end, you're gonna make mistakes, some of them bad, but 5 steps forward is still a step forward. Thank you all so much for giving this silly idea a shot. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."''
-->-- '''Takahata101''', at the end of the live premiere of Episode 10.

-->-- '''"Alexander Anderson (Hamilton Parody)"''', ''Episode 8 Ending Theme''

->'''Anderson/[[spoiler:{{God}}]]:''' And I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.]

->'''Anderson:''' Aye,]] let me go have a wee chat.

->'''Major''': Gentlemen. Operation: Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little... "surprise". However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not ''like'' war. I '''LOVE''' war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich [=CEO=] who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. ''Class war.'' You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. ''Drug war.'' But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. ''Race war.'' Then, you try to post about it on your Website/{{Facebook}}, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right und what's wrong. ''{{Flame war}}.'' You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about: "Who gets the box?" "What's in the box?" "How much is what's in the box worth?" ''Series/StorageWars.'' *chuckle* What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars... '''Und certainly, no UsefulNotes/{{Cold War}}s!''' (Blueballed for 40 years.) What I want is a war that only we can bring. A ''true'' war! A '''German''' war! The sequel you've all been waiting for! ''I! WANT! '''[[WorldWarIII WORLD! WAR!! THREE]]!!!'''''

->'''Jan:''' Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle... (DoubleTake) OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!

->'''Anderson:''' ''And because it's'' ''[[PrecisionFStrike fuckin']]'' ''fun!'' ''AHAHA! AHAHAHA!'' ''AHAH''-'''AAAAAAAA-MEN!'''

'''KKK Member:''' Round up all those dirty [[CurseCutShort ni-]]\\
'''Maxwell:''' [[EvenEvilHasStandards OK, YOU need to CHILL!]]

->'''Alucard:''' Because, behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: [[DeathSeeker the will to live]]. Now, stop running from who you are. Confront it. ''Embrace it! And go for it's fucking throat!'' '''''[[ArcWords LIKE A REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE!]]'''''

->'''Seras:''' [[CallBack Fuck you, that's how!]]

->'''Seras:''' Zorin, was it? Listen, Zorin, this whole fucking place is ''my house''. You ain't the queen vampire bitch here; ''I am.'' And you know what we Brits always say... ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis God. Save. The Queen.]]''"

->'''Maxwell:''' '''''[[KillEmAll FROM YOURSELVES!!!]]'''''
->'''Civilian:''' [[OhCrap Oh no, it's the Catholic Church.]]

->'''Anderson:''' [[BerserkButton Aye,]] [[TranquilFury let me go have a wee chat.]]

->'''Integra''': [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything You can nail it to his door]].

->'''Integra''': ''[[{{Troll}} Like a Protestant]]''!

->'''Integra:''' Alucard! [[DeadlyEuphemism Go for a walk.]]
->'''Alucard:''' When hope is gone, undo this lock. [[VoiceOfTheLegion And send me forth]] [[RhymesOnADime on a moonlit walk.]] [[RestrainingBolt Release Restraint Level...]] '''''[[OneWingedAngel ZERO]]'''''.

->'''Maxwell:''' [[BigNo NO NO NO NO NO!]]

->'''Maxwell:''' [[VillainousBreakdown NO NO NO NO NO!]]
->'''The Major:''' That none of these vhaffle munchers ever put it together [[SdrawkcabName that "Alucard" backwards is...]]
->'''Maxwell:''' [[OhCrap DRACULAAAAAA?!]]

'''Maxwell:''' '''ANDERSON! [[EtTuBrute POR]] [[GratuitousSpanish QUE]]?!'''\\
'''Anderson:''' It is the sacred duty of the Iscariot Organization to punish the demon, the heretic, '''[[BlasphemousBoast and the false god]].'''\\

'''Anderson:''' [[IronicEcho Sinners will be allowed no quarter. Kill them all, and let God sort them out.]]\\
(cue Maxwell [[ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice getting impaled]], screaming and drowning in his own blood)

->'''Anderson:''' Maybe you're right, Heinkel... [[StealthPun But I want to take a stab at it anyway]].

->'''Dracula:''' Alucard is not here right now. [[VampireVords You face Count Dracula of Wallachia.]]
->'''Anderson:''' [[CallBack Call yourself whatever you like, you crazy vampire bastard]]! I'm here to cleanse the earth of your filth, once and for all!

->'''Anderson:''' Of course I do! (starts producing bayonets [[HammerSpace out of nowhere]]) Shut up and bring him out!\\

->'''Alucard:''' [[CallBack Hey there, Padre! How's Little Timmy?]] [[PedophilePriest You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes?]] ''Holy water''! Didja miss me?

->'''Anderson:''' [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness I forgive you.]]

->'''Anderson:''' You're right. ''(Brandishes the Nail of Helena)'' [[PreAsskickingOneLiner Would you like to speak to Him?]]
->'''Heinkel:''' [[OhCrap Isn't zat one of ze nails zat pierced Christ's body?!]]
->'''Yumie:''' ''[[GratuitousJapanese Hai.]]'' [[FunWithSubtitles (Yup.)]]
->'''Heinkel:''' From ze [[GodzillaThreshold "Don't Fuck Vith This"]] [[SealedGoodInACan Armory]]?!
->'''Yumie:''' ''[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Haaai.]]'' (Yuuup.)
->'''Heinkel:''' Vere they keep ze Ark of ze Covenant, ze Dead Sea Scrolls, and [[CrossesTheLineTwice ze ACTUAL Body of Christ]]?!
->'''Yumie:''' ''[[RuleOfThree Haaaaaai.]]'' (Yuuuuuup.)

->'''Anderson:''' [[WhamLine Not]] ''[[WhamLine yours...]]''
->'''Alucard:''' ''[[OOCIsSeriousBusiness (Growling with rage)]]'' NO, NO, NO...

->'''Alucard:''' [[RapidFireNo Nonononono no no]] '''''NO!!!'''''\\

->'''Anderson/[[spoiler:{{God}}]]:''' [[VoiceOfTheLegion And I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.]]

->'''[[spoiler: God:]]''' '''Amen.'''[[note]]John 20:21-23

->'''Alucard:''' When hope is gone, undo this lock. [[VoiceOfTheLegion And send me forth, on a moonlit walk]]. [[OneWingedAngel Release Restraint Level...]] ''[[OneWingedAngel ZERO]]''.

->'''Anderson:''' Who are we?
->'''Paladins of Iscariot:''' The necessary evil!
->'''Anderson:''' And why are we necessary?
->'''Paladins:''' To purge the world of evil worse than man!
->'''Anderson:''' And why are we God's chosen few, ordained to undertake this unholy task?
->'''Paladins:''' Because no-one else will!
->'''Anderson:''' And because it's fuckin' fun! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAMEN!

->'''Maxwell:''' Listen up, those who have come to serve the unyielding will of our Almighty God! We have come together this night, under the glow of a London inferno, in the eyes of our Lord, for one divine reason: '''FUCK THE NEW POPE!'''\\

'''Maxwell:''' And what does he do with the golden throne? Replaces it with a WOODEN CHAIR! Probably carved by more poor people.\\
'''Mexico:''' Jesus was a king first! Carpenter second!\\

'''Poland'''[[note]]which is obviously a Jewish man pretending to be Catholic, and possibly even Polish since his accent mysteriously disappears (he's only in it for the Nazi killing)[[/note]]: Yeah! Perhaps we can all just agree that, ''maybe'', Jesus ''wasn't'' the Son of God!\\

->'''Maxwell:''' For we are the temple of the living God. As God hath said, "I will dwell in them, and walk in them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate", saith the Lord, "and touch not the unclean thing and I will receive you."

->'''Maxwell:''' YES! Cleanse the Earth of these sinners! May the Lord have mercy! For I! HAVE! '''NONE!'''
->'''Integra:''' You know, I think your boy Maxwell's letting his new authority get to his head a little. You should probably have a talk with him.

->'''Maxwell:''' '''You do not deserve God's mercy! If He will not turn you to the afterlife, THEN I WILL!!'''

->'''Maxwell:''' '''Sinners will be allowed no quarter! KILL THEM ALL! LET GOD SORT THEM OUT!'''

->'''Maxwell:''' HA! Stupid demon-zombies! Claw at me all you want! The only thing that can pierce my Holy Pope Box is the will of God hims-\\

'''Maxwell:''' Anderson...! '''ANDERSON, I DON'T DESERVE ''[[ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice THIS]]!'''''\\

(cue Maxwell getting impaled, screaming and unable to call out for Anderson to save him due to drowning in his own blood)

->'''Dracula:''' Alucard is not here right now. [[VampireVords You're facing Count Dracula of Wallachia.]]
->'''Anderson:''' [[CallBack Call yourself whatever you like, you crazy vampire bastard]].

->'''Alucard:''' Hey there, Padre! How's Little Timmy?

->'''Alucard:''' [[FamousLastWords Have you ever though about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink before they wake up in an hour.]]\\

->'''Alucard:''' Oolala! You've got a nail with some Savior juice on it! Whatcha gonna do? Stab me through the heart?

->'''Anderson:''' Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace.

->'''[[spoiler: God:]]''' '''Amen.'''

->'''Alucard:''' When hope is gone, undo this lock. [[VoiceOfTheLegion And send me forth, on a moonlit walk]]. [[OneWingedAngel Release Restraint Level Zero]].

->'''Alucard:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Have you ever though about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, you know, before they wake up in an hour?]]\\

->'''Anderson/[[spoiler:{{God}}]]:''' [[VoiceOfTheLegion And I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.]]

->'''Anderson:''' [[WhamLine Not]] ''[[yours...]]''

->'''Anderson:''' [[WhamLine Not YOURS...]]

->'''Anderson:''' ''Mine.''

->'''Alucard:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Have ya ever though about carbonating the blood of Christ? Ya know, give the kids something fizzy to drink before they wake up in an hour?]]\\

->'''Alucard:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Have you ever though about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink before they wake up in an hour?]]\\

->'''Heinkel:''' [[OhCrap Isn't zat one of ze nails zat pierched Christ's body?!]]

->'''Alucard:''' [[RapidFireNo Nonononononono]] '''''NO!!!'''''\\

'''Anderson:''' Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace.
'''Anderson/[[spoiler God]]:''' [[VoiceOfTheLegion And I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.]]
[[spoiler: God:]] '''Amen.'''