History Quotes / ConanTheBarbarian

-->-- Robert E. Howard (Vincent D'Onofrio) describing Conan in ''The Whole Wide World'', a movie about his relationship with Novalyne Price (ReneeZellweger).

-->-- Conan (Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger), ''Conan the Barbarian'' (1982)

-->-- The Wizard (MakoIwamatsu) showering the main page quote with [[LargeHam Large Amounts of Ham]].

->"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad, why we fought, or why we died. No, all that matters is that two stood against many, that's what's important. Valor pleases you, Crom, so grant me one request. Grant me REVENGE! And if you do not listen, then the ''hell'' with you!"

->"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor pleases you Crom, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to '''hell''' with you!"

->He’s a fighter, born on the battlefield. To him, combat’s a way of life. It’s all he’s ever known, all he ever wants to know! He’s no soldier who was taught to fight. To him fighting’s an instinct, it’s a part of him. Like his legs, his arms, his chest, his bull neck.

->And believe me, he don’t take it from nobody. He’ll fight man, beast, devil or god.

-->-- Illustrating how the original Conan was not DumbMuscle, a passage from ''Literature/{{Queen of the Black Coast}}'' where Conan explains how he came to seek a fast boat out of town.

-->-- Conan (ArnoldSchwarzenegger), ''Conan the Barbarian'' (1982)

-->-- The original Conan explains Cimmerian religion, ''Literature/{{Queen of the Black Coast}}''

-->-- the original Conan talks about his idea of what is best in life, ''Literature/{{Queen of the Black Coast}}''

->"Conan is the damnedest bastard that ever was.

->He got a long black mane of hair, crystal blue eyes.

->He’s a fighter, born on the battlefield. To him, combat’s a way of life. It’s all he’s ever known, all he ever wants to know! He’s no soldier who was taught to fight. To him fighting’s an instinct, it’s a part of him. Like his legs, his arms, his chest, his bull neck.

->And believe me, he don’t take it from nobody. He’ll fight man, beast, devil or god.

-->-- Robert E. Howard (Vincent D'Onofrio) describing Conan in ''The Whole Wide World'', a movie about his relationship with Novalyne Price (ReneeZellweger).

-->-- Arnold Conan, quoting Genghis Khan

-->-- {{Cracked}}.com, [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-497-conan-barbarian/ paraphrasing]] the main-page quote

->He’s a fighter, born on the battlefield. To him, combat’s a way of life. It’s all he’s ever known, all he ever wants to know! He’s no soldier who was taught to fight. To him fighting’s an instinct, it’s a part of him. Like his legs, his arms, his chest, his bull neck.

->And believe me, he don’t take it from nobody. He’ll fight man, beast, devil or god.

-->-- Illustrating how the original Conan was not DumbMuscle, a passage from ''Queen of the Black Coast'' where Conan explains how he came to seek a fast boat out of town.

-->-- The original Conan explains Cimmerian religion, ''Queen of the Black Coast''

-->-- the original Conan talks about his idea of what is best in life, ''Queen of the Black Coast''

-> "But I choked my ire and held my peace, and the judge squalled that I had shown contempt for the court, and that I should be hurled into a dungeon to rot until I betrayed my friend. So then, seeing they were all mad, I drew my sword and cleft the judge's skull; then I cut my way out of the court, and seeing the high constable's stallion tied near by, I rode for the wharfs, where I thought to find a ship bound for foreign parts."

-> "Well, last night in a tavern, a captain in the king's guard offered violence to the sweetheart of a young soldier, who naturally ran him through. But it seems there is some cursed law against killing guardsmen, and the boy and his girl fled away. It was bruited about that I was seen with them, and so today I was hauled into court, and a judge asked me where the lad had gone. I replied that since he was a friend of mine, I could not betray him. Then the court waxed wroth, and the judge talked a great deal about my duty to the state, and society, and other things I did not understand, and bade me tell where my friend had flown.''

-> By this time I was becoming wrathful myself, for I had explained my position. But I choked my ire and held my peace, and the judge squalled that I had shown contempt for the court, and that I should be hurled into a dungeon to rot until I betrayed my friend. So then, seeing they were all mad, I drew my sword and cleft the judge's skull; then I cut my way out of the court, and seeing the high constable's stallion tied near by, I rode for the wharfs, where I thought to find a ship bound for foreign parts."

-> "Well, last night in a tavern, a captain in the king's guard offered violence to the sweetheart of a young soldier, who naturally ran him through. But it seems there is some cursed law against killing guardsmen, and the boy and his girl fled away. It was bruited about that I was seen with them, and so today I was haled into court, and a judge asked me where the lad had gone. I replied that since he was a friend of mine, I could not betray him. Then the court waxed wrath, and the judge talked a great deal about my duty to the state, and society, and other things I did not understand, and bade me tell where my friend had flown.''

->'''Conan:''' To crush your enemies, to have them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

->"Conan is the damnedest bastard that ever was. He got a long black mane of hair, crystal blue eyes. He’s a fighter, born on the battlefield. To him, combat’s a way of life. It’s all he’s ever known, all he ever wants to know! He’s no soldier who was taught to fight. To him fighting’s an instinct, it’s a part of him. Like his legs, his arms, his chest, his bull neck. And believe me, he don’t take it from nobody. He’ll fight man, beast, devil or god. And when those women feel those tree-trunk firm arms around their waist, they melt like butter on a hot skillet."

--> '''"BETWEEEEEN THE TIME WHEN THE OCEANS DRAANK ATLAAANTIS...''' AAAND the rise of the sons of Aryas... there was an age undreamed-of. AND UNTO THIS, CONAN! Destined to bear the jeweled cwown of [[strike:[[MemeticMutation Kahlifonia]]]] Aquilonia UP...PON A TROUB...BLED...BROW. It is I, his KWONICLER who ALONE can tell thee of his saga. '''LET ME TELL YOU OF THE DAYS OF HIIIIIIIGH AD-VEN-TUUUUREE!!!!"'''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY2mRG5mzg]]
-->-- The Wizard, MakoIwamatsu, showering the preceding awesomeness with [[LargeHam Large Amounts of Ham]].

->''Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor pleases you Crom, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to'' '''''hell''''' ''with you!''
-->-- Conan, ''Conan the Barbarian'' (the movie)

(Illustrating how the original Conan was not DumbMuscle, a passage where Conan explains how he came to seek a fast boat out of town.)

-> ''Well, last night in a tavern, a captain in the king's guard offered violence to the sweetheart of a young soldier, who naturally ran him through. But it seems there is some cursed law against killing guardsmen, and the boy and his girl fled away. It was bruited about that I was seen with them, and so today I was haled into court, and a judge asked me where the lad had gone. I replied that since he was a friend of mine, I could not betray him. Then the court waxed wrath, and the judge talked a great deal about my duty to the state, and society, and other things I did not understand, and bade me tell where my friend had flown.''
-> ''By this time I was becoming wrathful myself, for I had explained my position. But I choked my ire and held my peace, and the judge squalled that I had shown contempt for the court, and that I should be hurled into a dungeon to rot until I betrayed my friend. So then, seeing they were all mad, I drew my sword and cleft the judge's skull; then I cut my way out of the court, and seeing the high constable's stallion tied near by, I rode for the wharfs, where I thought to find a ship bound for foreign parts.''
--> ''Queen of the Black Coast''

->'''Mongol General:''' Conan, what is best in life?
->'''Conan:''' To crush your enemies, to have them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
--> ''Conan the Barbarian'' (the movie), quoting Genghis Khan

->''So Conan rolls up and has black hair and a beat up face. He has a sword. Sometimes he steals, sometimes he raids, sometimes he kills things, all the time he is bipolar. He kicks over thrones and shit and crunches them under his dirty feet, that is why he came by.''
-->{{Cracked}}.com, [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-497-conan-barbarian/ paraphrasing]] the main-page quote

--> ''Conan the Barbarian'' (the movie)

** '''[[CrowningMusicOfAwesomeFilm DUN DUN DA-DUN, DA-DUN, DA-DUN, DA-DUN!]]'''