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[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToD Tropes A to D]] | '''Tropes G to L''' ([[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight It's All About Me]], [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight Jerkass]], [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight Laser-Guided Karma]])| [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] ([[TheyJustDontGetIt/NotAlwaysRight They Just Don't Get It]]) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
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[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples. The site also has non-Americans ''assuming'' that all Americans are Type 2, only to get proven wrong by the Americans they're trying to scam/talk down to.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is (albeit sometimes with dubious applicability).
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
-->'''Police Officer''': Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.
-->'''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
-->'''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisLives: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ In Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EnfanteTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-no-parenting-experts-but-maybe-stop-handing-the-kid-glass/291821/ This toddler]] smashes ''three'' jars of peanut butter because they don't like it. Naturally, the mother is hesitant about paying for it.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntertainmentAboveTheirAge:
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-jurassic-park-is-pg-13/84640/ This Is Why Jurassic Park is Rated PG-13]], a girl who appears to be about five says [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior she loves to draw dinosaurs covered in blood]], implying that she's been watching ''Film/JurassicPark'' (though she might simply be a young girl with a disturbing [[MsImagination imagination]] going through a [[KidsLoveDinosaurs dinosaur phase]]).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-i-for-immature-part-2/75162/ Rated I For Immature, Part 2]], two young kids try to buy ''VideoGame/Halo3'', only to be turned down because they're too young to buy an M-rated game, much to their ire.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-c-for-child-welfare/69951/ Rated C For Child Welfare]], two parents try to take their kids who are six and eight to see ''Film/FinalDestination1'' in 3D. When the OP objects to this, the father claims their kids' favorite movies are ''Film/SawI'' and ''Film/SawII'' (though it's possible he was lying).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-and-get-incarcerated-so-fast-part-2/72233/ They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2]], an eight-year-old boy wants to buy an M-rated game. The OP tells him he can't buy it without his mother's permission. [[PermissiveParents His mother doesn't give a damn about the game's content as long as her son pays for it himself.]]
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-grand-theft-tantrum/173006/ A Grand Theft Tantrum]], a boy who is said to look about nine years old demands the OP to let him buy ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoClassic'' and starts [[TantrumThrowing throwing video games around in a rage]] when the OP refuses to let him buy any because he's too young.
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even laws of physics) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
** And then there's [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-that-entitlement-slide-into-the-bus-lane/85680/ this woman]], who seems to think that spending a lot of money at a store entitles her to be able to flag down any of its employees and have them taxi her about.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/ This woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/slick-way-lose-warranty/107921/ This woman]] complained about her lawnmower suddenly catching on fire and wanted a refund. This is certainly an issue, but it becomes clear that this woman has made a grievous error: While, it's true that lawnmowers run on oil, that doesn't mean any type of oil. This woman apparently poured ''vegetable oil'' rather than motor oil into the gas tank "because it's oil." So in the end, she wrecked her own lawnmower by her own stupidity.[[note]]She also at some point in the conversation says that she poured a whole bottle of oil in. Although motor oil usually comes in bottles now, it historically came in cans. If the container in question ''was'' a can, then one has to wonder ''how'' she mixed the two up.[[/note]]
** Back when professional-grade copy machines were ''much'' harder to work on, we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-office-environment-takes-on-a-dark-tone/213663/ this story]] of a medical office getting an error message on a Friday afternoon that will require a service call on Monday morning. On Saturday, their maintenance man announces that he [[DoomItYourself "knows" how to fix the problem]] and ends up literally spraying toner and developer powders all over the office. When the service rep shows up Monday, he tells the staff (which has been trying and failing to clean up the mess since Saturday) what type of mask they should be wearing to prevent health issues, then confirms that the maintenance guy completely killed the copier ... and probably three office computers as well. The doctor informs the maintenance company that since their guy destroyed the equipment by doing unauthorized work, they '''will''' be paying for all the repairs.
** When trying to buy ice cream for the sale price... 1) make sure you have the correct size container of ice cream, 2) make sure the sale is current, [[RuleOfThree 3)]] '''make sure you are in the correct store'''. [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-ice-cream-really-does-make-you-scream-part-2-2/214653/ And when you fail on all three points, don't yell at the cashier]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-day-the-music-died-5/186687/ This genius]] somehow broke multiple displays of rare and extensive antiques just by trying to put a guitar back on a stand.
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm-2/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ Leap years]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ New Jersey accents are only on television to get ratings]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-fools-mortals/88696/ Shakespeare is just a corporate mascot for Big Theatre]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--->'''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."
* EtTuBrute: There are numerous stories where the manager will break policy, berate the OP for not doing so, or otherwise side with the entitled, unreasonable "Customer." Sometimes even costing the store money in the process. A particularly glaring example [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ here]] where Manager initially sides with OP in upholding the restaurant's policy regarding the "to go" salad bar, until Customer specifically targeted OP ''at least three days in a row'', buying the "to go" salad, and demanding a refund for not getting the lid, in advance, until Manager turns on and blames the employee for the refunds, and then Customer, "thanks" OP by overfilling the lid and spraying cottage cheese around while trying to close the plate onto the lid, which OP then has to go and clean up.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie-2/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-more-you-read-the-worse-it-gets-fourth-of-july-edition/294943/ Two young men]] try to steal alcohol because they're underage... except they aren't, they're both of legal age. They just failed to do the math and thought they were younger than they are.
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ This one]] has a lesbian accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-3/ The store this employee works at]] has a policy of checking the receipt of every shopper to discourage theft. A black customer accuses the submitter (who is the employee stationed at the exit that day) of targeting him specifically, despite the fact that he was in a line where ''everybody'' was getting their receipts checked regardless of who they were. He backed off when the guy in line behind him, who also happened to be African-American, stood up for the employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided-2/119916/ Another "gay card" user]]. Because the OP did not go check his ''tire pressure'' immediately, due to being occupied with another customer, the "customer" begins ranting that OP was trying to deny him service because he's gay. [[LaserGuidedKarma OP, who is also gay, then goes to refuse him service.]]
** Used for ''good'' in the case of "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ Captain Camp and The Russian Lady]]" who learn that the employees ''want'' customers to complain about a faulty anti-theft device, because it's the only way it's going to be fixed, and declare they can use their minority status to ensure they're listened to.
--->'''Woman''': I ham up accent on phone. He will ham up the gay. Use trigger word.\\
'''Man''': It's discrimination, darling!\\
'''Woman''': Captain Camp and The Russian Lady will aid you!
** An (able-bodied) customer who [[https://notalwaysright.com/disabling-his-complaint/119203/ accuses two workers of ableism]] because they grabbed someone's wheelchair without asking ... while it was careening downhill, completely out of control. No, the opinion of the guy in the chair ''doesn't'' matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/explaining-the-science-will-do-a-fat-lot-of-good/309952/ A customer at an ice cream shop]] tells the cashier that she is trying to reduce her fat in-take. The minute the customer says the word "fat", the customer in line directly behind her explodes into a tirade about discrimination toward fat people even though the only mention of "fat" was referring to nutritional fat.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem-2/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* EvilIsPetty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ This woman]] first goes to the newly hired, first job, sixteen-year-old employee to purchase the "to go" salad, rather than the all you can eat. When she demands the lid, in advance, knowing full well this is in violation of the written policy because the lid is clearly bigger than the plate meant to go with it, she badgers the employee, who stands by store policy. Not being able to get OP to budge, she slams the plate down and demands a refund. Manager provides refund, tells OP was correct. Woman leaves. End of story, right? '''''WRONG'''''. The woman returns and specifically targets the same employee, ignoring other cashiers, even if their lines are empty, including the manager, ''at least three more days in a row'', until the manager, despite seeing the woman's behavior first hand, turns on and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming blames the employee for all the refunds]] and says "just do whatever it takes to make the customer happy." Lo and behold, the woman not only fills ''the lid'' to overflowing from the salad bar, but to add insult to injury and injury to insult crushes her salad with so much force that it squirts cottage cheese over the salad bar, and the floor, which then OP has to go and clean up while spewing "There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? You have a nice day, sweetie!" to never return.
* EvilTwin: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sisterhood-of-the-judgmental-rants/59983/ This story]] features twin sisters who work as cashiers at the same grocery store. One is polite and courteous while the other is snobby and judgmental, treating a woman rudely for having a young daughter and being on welfare, even though (as her sister points out) [[{{Hypocrite}} she had her own son when she was 15.]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-customers-are-a-sign-of-the-end-times/156196/ "Let me know when there's a great flood, then you can skip my lunch!"]] This was during a major earthquake in Manila and as if on cue a large Biblical flood occurs outside complete with screaming from the terrified citizens.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unloading-some-beautiful-malicious-compliance/215064/ This woman]] is so spiteful about being asked to move her car away from a coffee shop's fire exit that she moves it to the shop's loading area instead. Sure enough, the delivery truck shows up right after she does this and she's so reluctant to move again that she expects the truck to be "unloaded around her". The coffee shop's manager agrees to do so... by completely surrounding the woman's car with the delivered boxes and ''double''-checking everything before it's put in the stockroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/buying-insurance-to-cover-the-insurance/242047/ This insurance customer]] attempts to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] this. When a system error causes their car's insurance to temporarily show as invalid, and the agent they speak to agrees to compensate for travel arrangements in the interim, they ''buy another car and insurance'' and attempt to get the company to pay the £7,200 they spend on them, arguing that no restrictions were made on what 'travel arrangements' meant. [[LaserGuidedKarma In the end, they walk away with nothing.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-pizza-justice/271427/ A boy]] repeatedly calls the same pizza restaurant with prank calls, driving the employees there crazy. One day, the submitter, absolutely done with the kid, responds to the kid asking for 100 pizzas by pretending to accept the order, saying they will bill the kid through the phone bill, and hanging up. The kid [[OhCrap absolutely freaks out]] and tries to call back before giving up and being forced to confess to his parents. The parents apologize to the submitter for what happened and the boy never prank calls the pizza place again.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/reasons-why-small-print-is-a-million-pages-long-part-2/284457/ This customer]] reads a buy-one-get-one-free ad, and it's not clear whether they're being dumb or bullheaded when they insist on getting their free extra when they bought the first from a competitor, because the ad doesn't specify that both items have to come from the same store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-cure-for-the-babysitter-blues-giving-it-a-shot/291812/ This prospective young teen babysitter]] uses careful exact words on his fliers, his GenderBlenderName and the fact that [[EffeminateVoice he sounds female over the phone]] to hide his gender prior to arriving at a house, because he operates under the (correct, as it turns out) assumption that people wouldn't hire him if they knew he was male. To compensate, he makes his first sessions with families free, in the hope that he'll be given a chance.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-understand-the-custom-part-of-customer-part-26/279986/ This customer]] somehow manages to interprete "You can head up to the front and pay at the registers" as indicating he ''can'' do that, not that he's required to. When he's corrected on this point, he maintains a constant insistence that he's been suckered into buying this stuff under false pretences, despite the fact he picked it out ''before'' he was told that ''anyway''.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExplainExplainOhCrap: [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-in-doubt-always-ask-is-there-a-teen-in-the-house/286546/ This customer]], who is absolutely outraged that he was charged for the adult channels when he never ordered them, and there's no-one else in the house except his teenage son, and then hangs up, presumably realising who he ''should'' be yelling at about it.
* ExtremeDoormat: Generally speaking, managers who cave in to bratty customers' demands (whether out of worry over losing the customers' business (especially if they're large spenders) or just to get them to shut up) occur in the stories on such a regular basis that some users on the website claim that they warrant their own category on the website.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:F]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:G]]
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:H]]
* HadTheSillyThingInReverse:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/turned-the-problem-right-around/ This computer user]] managed to do this with a ''mouse''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theres-a-funny-upside-down-to-this/ This one]] managed it with ''the entire computer tower''.
* HairTriggerTemper:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/just-bagging-for-trouble/ This customer]] seems pleasant enough when she asks for something, but the ''moment'' even ''one'' thing is off with the transaction...
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-help-those-who-dont-want-to-be-helped/133011/ This guy at a store register]] suddenly and abruptly throws his merchandise down and storms out of the store looking angry as a hornet the minute the cashier finishes helping a slightly cranky elderly woman. What makes the situation especially bizarre is that up to that point, the man had been acting perfectly amicable and patient as the cashier helped the elderly woman and had even told the cashier to go ahead and finish helping her before helping him. Even the site's commentators were stumped by the man's behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-was-just-too-chicken/ This guy at a fried-chicken restaurant's drive-through]] orders a two-piece chicken combo, but asks for no sides, so the employee puts the order in as two pieces of chicken. The minute the guy sees the two piece of chicken orders show up on the screen, he blows his stack and speeds out of there before the poor employee can even explain why the order appeared like that.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] responds to being politely asked to not shout profanity in a library by dropping a racist ClusterFBomb, and threatening to ''[[DisproportionateRetribution shoot and stab]]'' the submitter, for complying with library policy.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cake-of-bridezilla/238160/ A bride-to-be]] enters a bakery with her mother to pick up the wedding cake. The bride sees a cake on the front counter and proceeds to flip her lid, saying that the cake looks nothing like how she wanted, and then ''destroys the cake''. It turns out the reason why the cake on the counter didn't look anything like how she wanted was that ''[[FailedASpotCheck it wasn't even her wedding cake,]]'' [[FailedASpotCheck it was a different couple's wedding cake]]. She ends up spending her wedding night behind bars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-purse-will-be-empty-thanks-to-the-damage-bill/265154/ This customer at an arts & crafts store]] realizes she can't find her purse and completely loses her marbles, attacking other customers whom she thinks stole her purse, flipping carts, and knocking merchandise off the shelves and destroying them, which forces the employees to have to evacuate the other customers for their safety. In the end, it turned out that the woman [[FailedASpotCheck had actually accidentally left her purse in her car]], and she ends up arrested for attacking other customers and destroying the merchandise ([[PersonaNonGrata as well as banned from all other arts & crafts stores in the region]]).
* HandicappedBadass: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-dance-dance-revolution-revelation/ I'm playing. What's your excuse again?]] A convention attendee who is dragged to a DDR tournament initially refuses to play… until the registration tender shows he has a prosthetic leg and is playing as well.
* HandsOffParenting: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-stones-throw-away-from-good-behavior/ This mother]] seems to have this approach, seeing that she chased off the babysitter for punishing her son when he was throwing rocks. [[LaserGuidedKarma She ends up going to court later on because her son threw a rock at a neighbor's kid.]]
* HanlonsRazor: Most of the examples are pretty clear, but some are really difficult to decide whether the {{Jerkass}} customer [[ItsAllAboutMe is trying to]] [[ConMan cheat the cashier]], is a real-life {{Troll}} doing it [[ItAmusedMe for shits]] [[ForTheEvulz and giggles]], or if the customer is [[TheyJustDontGetIt just]] [[TheDitz plain]] [[TooDumbToLive stupid]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-problem-with-dirty-words/ This]] example lends credence to the "Customer is a troll" theory. He's complaining that the dirt the landscaping company dropped off is "too dirty". That's right, his dirt is ''too dirty''.
** And then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/unable-to-think-outside-the-box/ this]] exchange...
--->'''Tech Support''': Really, you want me to talk you through opening the ''[laptop]'' box?\\
'''Customer''': Yes.\\
'''Tech Support''': Is this a prank call?\\
'''Customer''': No.
* HarshNoise: [[https://notalwaysright.com/crazy-old-lady-1-bag-boy-0/67897/ This woman]] despises the sound of vacuum cleaners. [[note]]It's not unusual for people with sensory processing disorders and autistic people. Vacuums are loud, repetitive, buzzing, and can badly shock people with exaggerated startle responses (a trait of PTSD). Other common culprits for this HellIsThatNoise effect - actually referred to in neurodivergent circles as "sensory hell" - are hand dryers, fire alarms, checkout machines, etc.[[/note]]
* HauntedTechnology:
** Strangely, credit cards ''don't'' share a [[OurVampiresAreDifferent common vampiric weakness]] and can be freely [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-3/ moved over a body of water]].
** A straighter example would be [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-keep-your-online-devices-in-line-part-2/ this woman's possessed modem]].
* HavingAGayOldTime: [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-a-load-of-explaining-to-do/ "I'll blow my load!"]] means something different these days...
* HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday: "Are you paying together?" "No! [[HeIsNotMyBoyfriend We are definitely not together]]! [[http://notalwaysright.com/separates-the-men-from-the-boys/ I'm not gay!"]]
* HeadDesk: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sweet-resolution/ This poor tech-support guy]].
* HeelFaceTurn:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This guy]], who goes irate over needing an ID to sell used games, steals from the store, but later returns all the stolen merchandise, apologizes for his behavior, and becomes a regular customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ "That’s not okay. I’m very sorry. Buddies?"]]
* HeelRealization:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-to-racism-at-break-necklace-speed/85294/ One lady]] who claims [[MistakenForThief a black employee stole her necklace]]. She later calls back to apologize upon discovering she simply misplaced it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/daddy-issues-save-the-day/286463/ These men]] realize just how gross them flirting with the (underaged) waitresses is when one of them claims that not only does her dad have the same name as the group's ringleader, but that she's also the same age as his daughters.
* HehHehYouSaidX: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fourth-graders-going-on-forty/ This husband]] is constantly amused by windows having an "inside mount".
* HenpeckedHusband:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/marriage-bedding/ Um...my wife told me to?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-saw-his-opportunity-and-he-took-it/292781/ This guy]] is continually berated by his wife for unpacking the groceries wrongly at the checkout. When she sends him to replace the cheese, because he got the wrong kind, the next customer in line suggests that he's not coming back.
* HereWeGoAgain: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deja-vu-in-aisle-3/ Deja Vu In Aisle 3]]
* HeteronormativeCrusader:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
** Very disturbingly inverted with [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ this]] woman, who wants her three-year-old son to be gay and is considering facilitating this by ''showing him pornography''. She even manages to make her repeated use of the phrase "I'm very open-minded" sound like a perfect inversion of this trope - that she absolutely '''must''' have a gay son and won't accept any other outcome.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-get-to-a-spork-in-the-road/309943/ This customer]] is opposed to sporks because they're a blend of "the masculine fork and the feminine spoon" in an attempt to force a blurred-gender agenda on society.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/straight-up-violence/127901/ This mother]] demands that someone else serve her because she seems to think that if her son is served by someone who's gay, it'll make ''him'' gay. Then, when she sees a female worker be brought lunch by her girlfriend, she screams at them and when her son reacts, she slaps him.
* HiccupHijinks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-small-charge-to-cure-the-hiccups/ This customer]] deliberately complains about a non-problem in order to give an employee a scare--because said employee has the hiccups. The employee isn't particularly happy about it, but it does seem to work since the hiccups are gone after the customer leaves.
* HideYourLesbians: Taken up to eleven [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ here]]. This woman seems to think gay men are simply some "stupid liberal conspiracy".
* {{Hipster}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ Righteous Indie-nation]]
* HistoricalCharacterConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-art-of-ignorance/ No, I mean Machiavelli.]] They don't. Unfortunately, the museum guide never even figures out who they ''are'' talking about!
* HitlerAteSugar: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-teen-evils-4/71589/ Parodied.]] Skittles are EVIL?
* HobbesWasRight: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-long-line-of-the-law/ It’s a shame]] that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.''
* HoistByHisOwnPetard: A rare real-life example [[http://notalwaysright.com/between-a-rock-and-a-hard-head/ here]]. And it's hilarious to boot.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ And this one.]] An old principle, BTW... but the backfire seems original.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-people-drive-you-to-drink/ A woman]] who kept hitting a customer with her shopping cart because she thought the customer was a drunk ends up slamming her cart onto a shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mile-high-blood-pressure/ Had this hotheaded passenger]] calmed down and not swore at and insulted the crew and passengers on the plane, the police wouldn't have been called to meet him outside the plane - nor would they have arrested him after running a check on the passenger's name and finding out he was a wanted criminal. And all of this fuss was because the crew no longer had the type of sandwich he wanted.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-for-her-math-students/ A bookstore manager]] calls a math teacher to tell her the check she used to pay for the books she bought was insufficient. But the manager learns the teacher earlier returned the books to the bookstore and got a cash refund. However, because the books were never actually paid for in the first place due to the bounced check, the teacher technically committed check fraud and stole money. Despite many attempts to ask the teacher to return the money to settle this issue, the teacher stubbornly refuses to listen or understand, believing the bookstore was trying to rob her and threatening to sue them. In the end, the teacher was found guilty in court and not only had to pay back the money she stole, but also the fine and court fees as well with her reputation ruined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-old-hack-and-a-credit-card-hack/ This customer]] ends up being caught for many counts of identity theft and credit card fraud because, in the process of trying to get a store's manager to let him look at their batch report, he got loud and angry enough at them for refusing (since said batch report also had many other customers' full credit card numbers on it) that they called the cops on him - who found him yelling at ''another'' manager elsewhere in the mall for probably the same reason. If he had been anything less than your typical screaming NAR customer, he would still be on the loose, possibly with another stolen identity.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/avoiding-spring-bathroom-break/80070/ This drunk patron]] told the bar staff he was cheating on their a $1 pitcher of beer promo without going to the toilet by revealing how he cheated.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-car-is-on-the-highway-to-hell/144991/ This customer]] insults the religion of the mechanic working on their car and demands not to be serviced by that mechanic. The owner of the garage obligingly [[BotheringByTheBook cancels the oil change]]... [[HumiliationConga in the middle of the procedure, forcing the customer to hire a tow truck to take their now inoperable car to a different garage]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This]] amazing tale of a man who calls the police on a store that won't refund a product that he bought from an entirely different business. As the man smugly expects the manager to beg him to call the police off, the manager wearily explains to him that if the only way he'll believe that you can't return products to the wrong store is if the police tell him, then so be it. The man immediately turns pale, stammers "You... you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I can’t talk to the police!", and flees.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/her-thinking-she-can-sue-you-is-a-true-final-fantasy/250532/ This woman]] demanded the submitter changed the name of her jewelry store's Facebook page as it has the same name as her own which the woman seems to believe only she has that kind of the name and the submitter "stole" her name despite the fact said name is actually a Hindu name and has been around for a long time. When the submitter refuses, tries, and fails to explain to the woman and later block her on Facebook for harassment, the entitled woman began posting fake reviews and calling the submitter a liar, thief, and her jewelry ugly. Her antics instead made the store more popular as everyone found the woman's rant hilarious and buy jewelry from the submitter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-know-where-this-is-going-but-its-satisfying-all-the-same/285731/ This businessman]] won't let the server get a word in edgeways when he demands six of the restaurant's best whiskeys, which bites him when the bill comes around because the addition of those drinks pushes it well into the thousands of dollars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-can-candy-crush-his-little-heart-not-me/290088/ This mother]] attempts to make her tantruming child blame the cashier rather than her because he's not allowed any chocolate. This promptly backfires as the cashier ''gives'' the child permission to get chocolate, going so far as to purchase it with their own money.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-the-chargeback-comes-back-to-bite-you/298816/ This customer]] on a buy/sell website sends a rude e-mail demanding an off-site refund on a handbag for what ultimately prove to be spurious reasons, and threatening to file a chargeback (reversing the credit card debt due to breach of contract). When she carries out the threat -- despite the seller ''agreeing'' to a refund -- the seller appeals and wins. When she returns the handbag anyway, the seller checks the website policy, and discovers that, following a failed chargeback, ''they couldn't give a regular refund even if they wanted to''.
* HolierThanThou: A common problem when some bigoted, elitist, or sexist, or any combination, uses religious scripture to justify their intolerance. They pointedly do '''not''' take it well when contrary scripture is used against them, even from superiors from their local denomination. Especially the trope namer, the passage from the book of Exodus.
* HomemadeFlamethrower: Two stories have a customer purchase a squirt gun, lighter fluid, and a barbecue starter/matches, respectively, both times to deal with a wasp infestation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/lt-ripley-goes-shopping/ "Lieutenant Ripley Goes Shopping"]], the narrator tells them the store's out of bug spray, so the customer decides to whip up a flamethrower in desperation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/terminate-this-purchase/ "Terminate this Purchase"]], the customer's too cheap to hire an exterminator.
* HopelessWithTech: A disturbing amount of customers seem to have no idea how to use technology.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-step-forward-eight-steps-back/139012/ This man]], for instance, doesn't know how to operate the forward and backward arrows on Internet Explorer.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-craziest-caller-you-ever-saw/282274/ This man]] can't figure out how to connect his computer to an external hard drive and figures the only way to do so is to connect the hard drive to the ''inside'' of the computer. In order to do this, he ''cuts his tower open with a hacksaw''.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/79059/ this woman]] is told to defrag her computer to "clean it up," she takes that to mean ''put it in her dishwasher''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-bet-hard-cash-that-people-cant-be-that-stupid/141198/ This customer]] tries to hand cash to a call centre over the phone… by ''stuffing the cash into her phone's case'', somehow convinced that would somehow transmit the money to the caller.
** It takes ''fifteen minutes'' to get [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-totally-spaced-out/191309/ this genius]] to learn where his ''space bar'' is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] seems to think that putting her phone in any old rice will fix her phone – her phone that isn't water-damaged, but has a ''cracked screen''.
** An entire ''family'' of them in [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-cant-fix-it-even-if-you-have-the-coin/276704/ this story]]. When the games they were playing on their computer asked them to "insert [virtual] coins," they ''cut coin slots into their computer''.
** The customer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/itll-take-a-lot-more-than-fan-assisted-cooling-to-deal-with-this-hot-head/298246/ this story]] was asked to open his computer. Though the submitter doesn't have to deal with him, they overhear their coworker reaming him over the phone for using '''a blowtorch''' to do so.
* HospitalityForHeroes: Several cases of an awesome customer stepping in to deal with an abrasive or rude one getting assorted freebies or discounts from the store they're in.
* HumanAliens: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-commute-must-be-out-of-this-world/ Meet Qinjax]], age 270. Or 45 [[TwoOfYourEarthMinutes in Earth years]], where he's named Andrew.
* HumansAreBastards: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-two-intergalactic-evils/ Not that]] the [[VideoGame/DestroyAllHumans alternative]] is better.
* HumansAreFlawed: For all the horrible customers, there's also [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/awesome-customers an entire section of customers who are awesome]], whether by putting the bad customers in their place, doing something extra nice for the employee, simply being incredibly entertaining, or something else entirely.
* HumanityIsInsane: You ''really'' have to wonder how some of the customers manage to survive despite being almost completely disconnected from reality.
* HumiliationConga:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/giving-new-meaning-to-the-term-cheap-date/186115/ This high schooler's]] attempts to coerce (read: bully) his way into a free lunch at a local restaurant in order to impress his girlfriend fall apart when the owner and employees refuse to cave into his demands, and the jock's attempts to save face in front of his (increasingly embarrassed) date just make him look worse until it's revealed that he didn't even bring any money with him ''at all'' and he has to call his dad over to come bail him out, all while he gets berated by the other patrons at the restaurant (as well as his father when he gets there). And even after that, the kid refuses to admit defeat and posts an aggressively negative review about the restaurant that not only ends up getting himself further humiliated but ends up running off a bunch of his father's clients when they learn about it and [[YouAreGrounded gets himself severely grounded]] by his father as a result.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-even-your-husband-wants-to-teach-you-a-lesson/232738/ The woman in this story]] throws a shit-fit over losing out on five bucks due to an expired coupon. The cook demands that she either pay a generous tip and apologize to her family and the other customers for her tantrum or have the police called on her and get ticketed for disorderly conduct. She bolts and her husband quite deliberately leaves her driver's license behind as he departs. When she returns the next day to collect it, the owner passive-aggressively mocks her, and the cook reiterates the threat and forces her to comply. One of the comments directly refers to what happened as a Humiliation Conga.
* HurricaneOfExcuses:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/menage-a-fraud/ This story.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/computers-increase-the-chance-of-identity-theft-2/71240/ This bizarre example]] is this trope crossed with ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections. In one conversation, the customer claims to be a lawyer, an assistant attorney general, a board member of the chain, ''and'' the owner's nephew.
--->'''Customer:''' Do you have any idea who I am?!\\
'''Submitter:''' Do ''you''?
* HurricaneOfPuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-pun/ seen here]].
* HuskyRusskie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This guy]], though he intentionally plays up his Russian accent to scare the bejeezus out of a creepy guy who keeps calling a local pizzeria to make disturbing sexual comments.
* {{Hypocrite}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bag-of-chipocrisy/ Isn't it so inconsiderate of people to just open up the food and eat it in the store?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/effective-marketing/ "By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches."]]
** In general, there's a large number of customers who outright refuse to listen to or acknowledge what the employee is telling them, usually to continue to demand a particular product or service that the employee is directly informing them isn't available... and then berate the employee for not listening to them when their demands are unmet. Such as [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-card/ this chap.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-steak-on-rare-occasions/ This person]] wanted an extremely rare steak, and then, when the meat was uncooked, proceeded to say, "I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! Come on honey, let's go to that sushi place next door!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ This guy]] walks into an adult store in L.A. He is shocked to see that the cashier is a woman and immediately shouts that she should StayInTheKitchen, and then calls her a heathen for having a wife, and then immediately forgets the entire incident and asks her if they stock bibles. In an adult store. Like the title of that quote says, [[OnlyInAmerica "Only In L.A."]]
** "I'm an adult! Don't you [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ judge me!]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/socially-acceptable/ ObamaCare is evil Socialism! Do you mind if I pay with food stamps?]]
** Your employee didn't help my pregnant wife carry her groceries and pack them in the car! Me? [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words/ I was sitting in the car waiting for her; what's that got to do with anything]]?
** Using a machine is ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread! [[http://notalwaysright.com/loathe-of-bread-3/ No, use the machine -- I'm in a big rush.]]
** When a customer overhears an employee tell someone else that a theater is being cleaned, she mishears "Cleansed," and begins to shout how she doesn't want to be in a theater that practices all that "New age spiritual witchcraft stuff." [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-sense-toil-and-trouble/ And then goes to see Season of the Witch.]]
** After this guy has been delaying taking his wife, who is in labor, to the hospital to argue about a discount on a duffel bag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words-part-3/ "Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!"]]
** Cars shouldn't park in a parking lot if they have nothing to do with the store. [[http://notalwaysright.com/parking-up-the-wrong-tree/ It's taking up the spaces this guy's dinner guests use.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ "I'm working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/practice-what-you-preach-please/ Mommy forgot to say please.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/ This is a particularly obvious example..]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-jim-crow-one/ "Takes One To Jim Crow One"]].
** If it were taken any further, [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-must-be-smoking/ this mother]] would border on abusive.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/somebody-took-an-evolutionary-detour/ Don't you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else's conversation?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-a-fine-one-to-talk/ She still talks and talks]]...
** Why would your parents name you after an animal? [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-game-of-kat-and-birdie/ You should have a good sturdy name like Birdie.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-argument-just-went-up-in-smoke/ This]] customer complains about how energy drinks are unhealthy and should be banned... then buys some cigarettes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-a-sense-of-irony/ "People who lose expensive things don't deserve them!"]]... says the woman who retrieved her [=iPhone 4=] from the lost & found.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/c-is-for-coffee-cigarettes-and-cluelessness/ "Stop putting cancer in your coffee!"]]... says the smoker.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-the-earth-7-mpg-at-a-time/ This woman]] insists on no bags in the name of the environment. She drives an SUV.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-bow-down-to-your-desires/72403/ This employee]] wears a badge that says 'Talk dirty to me' at work. Yet when a customer actually talks mildly dirty to her, she feels uncomfortable.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-always-need-directions-part-4/ This person]] asks a worker which aisle the chips are located. Despite the worker ''repeatedly'' pointing to the chips display ''right in the aisle they're in'', the customer keeps asking for the aisle number, and the worker eventually relents and gives the aisle number. What makes the customer a hypocrite is that she returns and chews the worker out for not saying that the chips were right there. She should try listening next time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/recaf-my-decaf/ This man]] complains about a non-caffeinated drink, claiming that the pizza place must have put caffeine in it. What does he want as a replacement? A caffeinated drink.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-rude-a-blabbering/ This gabber]] holds up a checkout line by talking on her cell phone, and not listening to the cashier when prompted for extra information. When the cashier finally gives up and moves on to the next customer, the gabber has the gall to call the cashier rude! Yes, ''that's'' rude, and holding up the checkout line for five minutes and ignoring the cashier ''isn't''. [[ItsAllAboutMe Flawless logic, that]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-5/ This person]] completely flips out when the caller slightly mispronounces a location name and messes up the person's nationality, but insists that South Africa is also Zimbabwe. They'll correct others' mistakes but refuse to admit when they've got it wrong.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-let-it-get-to-her-head/ This person]] refuses to buy a hair treatment product that was used and requests an unopened bottle... even though ''she'' was the one to use it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cotton-pickers/ This woman]] touches some cotton candy despite a sign saying not to. The worker says that she has to buy it... but she doesn't want to, because she touched it. What.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-homo-critical-are-hypocritical/ "Homosexuality is a sin!"]]... says the man in line to purchase lesbian porn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-argument-isnt-loaded/ Customer says he has medical issues]] preventing him from lifting stuff — completely legit and justified. Worker says she has medical issues preventing her from lifting stuff — she's lying and lazy. The best part is that another customer [[ConvictionByContradiction calls out the first one on his bluff]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-4/ This mother]] won't let her kid get ''VideoGame/CallOfDutyBlackOps'', but lets him get ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV'' without hesitation.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/and-the-children-shall-lead-2/ "Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line?"]]… says the woman who engaged in childish antics to get ahead in line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-the-crema-of-the-crop-part-2/ I'm cutting down on sugar!]] Now get me a coffee with toffee, hazelnut, and extra cream.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-number/ This woman]] absolutely refuses to give her phone number to anyone... unless it's for a rewards program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-an-oaf-about-the-loaf-part-2/ This pizza store owner]] demands a free sandwich because the restaurant he's ordering from doesn't have one specific thing he wants on it. The cashier asks him how he would respond if a customer came into his pizza place and acted the way he's acting. [[EntitledBastard He responds by filing a formal complaint.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quick-to-find-fault-with-being-quick-to-finding-fault/ I wasted a lot of my valuable time on this superfluous call!]] Now I'm going to complain about how much of my time you wasted for ten more minutes!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ This woman]] criticizes an adult woman for buying ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'', but says no one has the right to criticize her for buying her nine-year-old son a ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'' game since her purchases are no one else's business.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cannot-speak-the-language-of-respect/ These high school boys]] demand to be treated with respect, while throwing childish tantrums because an older couple dared to speak a language other than English within earshot of them. They then complain about a time when they themselves visited Mexico and the locals continued speaking Spanish, [[ItsAllAboutMe rather than immediately learning English to make said boys' lives easier]]. When it later turns out they were at the restaurant to apply for jobs, [[LaserGuidedKarma they are immediately kicked out over this display]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/past-the-point-of-no-return/ This customer]] repeatedly fails to grasp the concept of "This is a bookstore, you don't have to return your book" and calls the worker "thick" for repeatedly saying so… then turns around and hypocritically {{Stealth Insult}}s the worker by saying very slowly, "I’m sorry to have told you that you were thick. I should have realised you were special.”
** A customer gets offended when the cashier attempts to sell her some ''Film/HarryPotter'' [=DVDs=] because [[http://notalwaysright.com/missed-the-magic-of-the-magic-kingdom/ "Any movie that delves into magic is Satan’s movies!”]]... But the movies she does buy include ''WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast'' and ''WesternAnimation/{{The Little Mermaid|1989}}'', which of course both heavily involve magic.
** Two girls cut in line and refuse to move to the back. When another customer asks an employee to make them move to the back, they punch him. When he threatens to call the cops, they sneer at him for "hiding behind the cops" because he's "[[TemptingFate too scared to fight]]", and punch him again... [[https://notalwaysright.com/way-out-of-line/ "Wait, how DARE you defend yourself when I punch you again! I'm calling the cops!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/critical-about-their-marriage-is-hypocritical/59361/ This Navy officer]] claims that a sailor is [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence defiling the sanctity of his marriage]] because he's not getting married in a Christian church, and then proceeds to cheat on his own wife with the daughter of a Rear Admiral.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-give-you-a-badge-for-that/154104/ This mother]] demands that her daughter join a Boy Scout troop (implied to have occurred before the BSA accepted girls) for being useless around the house in spite of the daughter in question being the only one in the family working, and not interested in joining. When the mother is taken to court for attempted assault and disturbance of the peace (because the submitter and the Scoutmaster refused on the grounds of her being female), the daughter sums up the issue nicely:
--->'''Daughter:''' “Frankly, she was always overzealous about others’ actions, but never considered her own. Personally, I think she deserves it.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/beware-of-geeks-bearing-gifts/191195/ This tech support customer]] constantly belittles the guys working on clearing his laptop of viruses with geek stereotypes, including that they all live [[BasementDweller in their mothers' basements]]. Their revenge hinges on the realisation that he ''does'' live with his mother.
* HypocriteHasAPoint: [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] actually tries to ''invert it''. Even if "Customer" honestly believes Donald Trump is the most racist, sexist, and evil human being to walk the Earth, this does not excuse him hurling racial slurs and ''making death threats'' [[DisproportionateRetribution for being asked, politely, to not shout obscenities in a library, or leave quietly]], by the white library staff member.
-->''[[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections I’m the son of a black panther,]] you f*** honky! I’ve been shot twice, stabbed twice, and I’ll be more than happy to do the same to you if you don’t f*** off and leave me alone!''
* HypocriticalHumor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ This]] mother criticizes a daycare worker for having a tattoo on her foot. The woman then leans over to reveal a tramp stamp. "I’m an adult! Don’t you judge me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-in-a-handbag/ This Christian lady]] accuses the non-Christian clerk of stealing profits from the store, only to then be caught attempting to shoplift.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/treating-them-im-parcel-ly-is-only-polite/ “You should learn to f*** speak to people more politely, b***!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-yuppity-with-me/ This customer]] tries to be a ThirdPersonPerson and a GrammarNazi at the same time. You can imagine how effective it is.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/skating-past-bigotry-into-racism/ This skateboarder]] refuses to let a specific employee touch his board solely because she's female, then threatens to sue them for discrimination when they kick him out for insulting the employees. The coworker who forced him out — who is black like the customer — lampshades it with a "good luck with that, mate."
** A customer castigates another customer for ordering at a fast-food restaurant because [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-a-side-order-of-hypocrisy/ "All the food here is crap!"]]... then they order something too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pot-calling-the-kettle-everything/ “You Mexicans are all the same, never bothering to think that maybe there are more types of Asians than just Chinese people.”]] For extra irony, the waiter who the customer was complaining about was from Puerto Rico, and the manager he was addressing was from Peru.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ The mother of one of the most polite customers ever featured on the website]] tries to tell him that his manners are terrible because he's being polite to a cashier.
** This [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-race-to-be-at-the-place/ one customer]] complains that she's in a big hurry, and has somewhere she needs to be, wishing the customer in front of her would ''just hurry up''. When it's her turn in line, she then spends the next ten minutes counting out her entire purchase in loose change. And the ''"somewhere she needs to be in a big hurry"''? The lamppost just outside so she can talk on her cellphone.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/knock-your-socks-off/ "I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn't the reason she was fired."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-chequered-credit-history/ This guy]] goes off on a spiel about how his family has owned every pharmacy in town for a century, and how his family has more money than the entire mall he's in, because they don't accept checks anymore. When he shuts up long enough to try using a credit card, it is promptly declined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-snow-one/ This customer]] complains about a store being understaffed due to the snow, noting he's glad the slow moving isn't making him late for work. When the worker asks the customer why they're not at work, the response is, "Duh, the snow! Maybe you’ve noticed it? Are you blind or just stupid?!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/two-can-whine-for-ten-dollars/ This guy]] thinks "2 can dine for $9.99" on a coupon somehow means ''taking off'' ten dollars from the price, rather than paying only ten dollars instead of the actual value. The store he's trying this at in the story is the ''second'' one to explain this is not the case, and he still walks off muttering about how ''they're'' "too dumb" to honor the coupon.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tis-the-season-for-unreason/ "Well, I’m just going to take my money elsewhere.]] Somewhere they will appreciate my business. Such at [[ThisIsGonnaSuck [Big Box Store notorious for its terrible customer service].]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sudden-flood-of-laundry/ This customer]], in the same breath that she claims the submitter is being lazy for following the laundromat's policy, admits that she doesn't want to do her own laundry, she wants someone else to do it for her. Even better is she spends an ''hour'' trying to get him to do it for her, even though she claimed both that she needed the whole load done by then and that her own washer and dryer at home could have done so.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tat-settles-that/ This customer]] turns out to be a few dollars short for what turns out to be tobacco and cigarettes, but then she immediately flies off the handle at the submitter offering to help her pay for it because he's buying cigarettes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/freeze-turn-around-and-go-back/127130/ A customer at a convenience store]] spots an employee closing the sliding door to the ice cream freezer after another customer left it open for the umpteenth time and remarks that it annoys them and must annoy the employee when people leave the freezer door open to potentially ruin the ice cream inside. Guess what the customer does after getting their ice cream?
[[/folder]]
[[folder:I–J]]
* IAlwaysWantedToSayThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/strange-ambitions/ "Why would anyone bother having different kinds of coffee?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/ "I missed the only time in my life when I could have asked someone if they called that a knife."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/satisfaction-is-surely-assured/ "Don't call me Shirley!]] ''*laughs*'' [[Film/{{Airplane}} I've waited for years to make that joke!]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dovahkiins-day-off/74018/ "FUS RO DAH!"]] Funnily enough, he actually does manage to hurl the would-be thief about ''a half meter away.''
* IAmAHumanitarian: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hannibal-special/ I would like the human plate.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* IAmNotShazam[[invoked]]: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-clue-at-the-zoo/ Someone does this with]] ''Franchise/{{Madagascar}}'', of all things. [[invoked]]
* IAmNotSpock:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-there-anything-that-guy-cant-do/ "No, I look for movie]] Film/ForrestGump where [[Creator/TomHanks he]] gets Film/{{big}}."
* IAmSpartacus: Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of their stores.
* IAmVeryBritish: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintentional-prejudice-is-still-a-kick-in-the-teeth/ Defied.]]
* IAmNotPretty: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/should-stop-giving-herself-a-good-dressing-down/78605/ this story]], a woman comes in with her husband looking for a dress to wear at a military ball, but is convinced that she needs to lose more weight because she's just had a baby, even though she already has a great figure. The submitter convinces her to try on a mermaid cut halter dress, and when she puts it on, she looks (in the submitter's exact words) "drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous."
-->'''Customer:''' I don’t kn—
-->'''Husband:''' ''(knocks over chair jumping up)'' THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE! ''(under his breath)'' ...and after the ball, we can make a sibling for the baby.
* IAteWhat: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/tasty-is-tasty-friend/262633/ this story]], a customer at a buffet brunch place has been regularly consuming what she believes to be "breakfast soup". It's actually a mixture of the mushroom gravy their burgers (made from a mixture of ground beef and pork sausage) are served in, the large amount of hot grease released by said burgers, and the bread their tray was lined with -- which was there to soak up the grease, not to be eaten. Upon learning this, she turns bright red and doesn't come back for another six months -- and when she does, she doesn't have any more "breakfast soup". Amusingly, many of the commenters think it sounds absolutely delicious, albeit a NutritionalNightmare.
* ICallItVera:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-a-bullet-point-about-bertha/ Bertha the shotgun.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ Boris the Russian accent]].
* ICantBelieveItsNotHeroin:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-say-to-mah-to-i-say-pot-tah-to/ "Yeah, I have mites on my, uh... tomato plants."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/jonesin-for-some-pepperoni/ "It's as though you people put crack in it! So do you put crack in it?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/ "The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it's very bad for little girls like me."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/recipe-for-disaster-2/72446/ This one]] combines this with FreudianSlip.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/for-when-the-coffee-just-isnt-enough/156517/ This person]] misplaces a box containing their medication and then offers the employee and a coworker ''ketamine.'' [[note]] Ketamine is used as an antidepressant, but can also be used as a horse analgesic as stated by the submitter. [[/note]]
* IDontPayYouToThink: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-crazy-requests-reach-the-stratosphere/ "When Crazy Requests Reach the Stratosphere"]] - "You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up."
* IHaveBoobsYouMustObey: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-not-that-kind-of-flash-pass/ This girl.]] It was worth a try...
** Works like a charm for [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ this woman]]. But not on the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ This girl]] attempts one. [[ExcrementStatement It quickly goes downhill from there]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-daddys-little-girl-straight/ This girl]] tries one too. It doesn't work, because the cashier is gay. Even if he hadn't been, her dad saw the whole thing.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This girl]] also tries it on a gay guy, then freaks out once he explains because she thinks "gay = pervert", and she doesn't want a ''pervert'' looking at her boobs. She seems completely incapable of understanding that he's not ''interested'' in her boobs.
* IKnowKungFaux: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/i-know-crazy/ I don't know karate, but I do know 'crazy' and I'm not afraid to use it.]]"
* IKnowMortalKombat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sadly-theyre-not-horsing-around/304862/ This tourist.]]
* ILoveTheDead: [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ OH GOD NO!]]
* INeedAFreakingDrink:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/finally-closes-the-sale/ "Who's buying the first round?"]] Said after finally closing the store, nearly half an hour past the stated closing time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-most-connected-of-families/ "I drank a lot after that shift."]] This after, in the submitter's words, having to basically explain every single technological advance related to the Internet, twice, to people who have absolutely no understanding of what the Internet is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/take-shot-dark/105239/ This guy's roommate]] apparently needed this in the middle of the night. Too bad the "drink" he found in the medicine cabinet was a friend's ''contact lenses!''
* INeedToGoIronMyDog: Many examples. Some people don't even have any sort of excuse and just run away in embarrassment.
* INeverSaidItWasPoison:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-woes/ This customer]] is asked to have his bag inspected after a camera was stolen. He immediately flies off the handle at the security guard for daring to accuse him of stealing a camera — forgetting that the guard only ever referred to it as a "stolen item".
** Among other contradictory excuses, [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ this doctor]] claims that the dogs he may or may not have never attacked anybody. The caller hadn't mentioned anything about dogs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-the-truth/304161/ This customer]] called his credit card company to dispute charges made on his card, stating that he was a "good Christian husband" who would never have gone to a Las Vegas strip club. There was nothing on the statement to indicate either the type of business or the business location [[note]]though the poster could tell from their computer system that, yep, these charges ''were'' from a Vegas strip club[[/note]]. When the poster asked the customer how he knew the charges were for a Las Vegas strip club, the man stammered briefly and hung up.
* IRejectYourReality:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/off-color-off-camera-remark/ This bizarre woman]]. Despite the bookshop worker having confirmation, including camera footage, that the woman did not leave her wallet at the counter but kept it in her bag, she refused to accept that as proof and insisted she left her wallet at the bookshop counter.
--->'''Submitter:''' "It's quite clear on the camera."\\
'''Woman:''' "Oh, I don't care what's on the camera."\\
'''Submitter:''' "[[StunnedSilence …]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-bad-sign-when-they-destroy-the-sign/126773/ This woman]] thinks that throwing away the signs saying that the customer service desk is closed means that the desk will automatically become open.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-brain-is-clearly-fried/ This man]] doesn't see fries listed on the condensed menu of a restaurant in a mall's food court and comes to the conclusion that the restaurant must not have fries, even after the cashier states repeatedly that they not only ''do'' have fries but mentions in the narration that said menu does, in fact, have fries listed on it in a few places.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/opinions-erase-facts/148555/ This customer]] thinks the company he's calling has always had a fifty dollar free shipping offer for over eighty years despite the submitter pointing out the company has never had such an offer and the company has only been around for twenty years, which the customer refuses to believe and kept saying "I'm right, you're wrong!" to justify his delusions.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-answer-to-their-question-is-just-crickets/155229/ This woman]] insists that her dying smoke detector is a cricket infestation in her house...[[TheyJustDontGetIt even after the smoke detector is fixed]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wherever-the-taxi-went-we-hope-it-was-away/176895/ This motel owner]] tries to find out where a female customer took a taxi to. Never mind why he wants to know that. Giving out this information is ''illegal'' per the Privacy Act, but the man refuses to believe such a law exists.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-relation-into-relationship-part-6-2/77100/ This woman]] is so sure the couple she's approached are siblings that when they kiss to prove otherwise, she cries incest.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-literally-what-security-cameras-are-for-lady/218760/ This woman]], after being caught shoplifting, claims that since she "didn't consent to being recorded on security cameras", [[InsaneTrollLogic she can't be arrested for shoplifting]]. [[TooDumbToLive She even called the police on the OP]], who promptly arrested her [[LaserGuidedKarma for attempted theft]].
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/does-she-know-french-fries-come-from-potatoes/253234/ this lady]], if it isn't fried chicken, ''it isn't chicken''. How does that even work?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-be-lonely-and-broke/282864/ This man]] is continually being scammed out of his money because he refuses to believe that he is not in fact communicating and sending money to his girlfriend Music/RitaOra. By the time the bulk of the story takes place he's been doing it for three years; the bank ends up closing his account when even the head of the fraud department can't convince him that his money is being stolen.
* IResembleThatRemark: A lot. [[http://notalwaysright.com/if-by-everyone-you-mean-morons-like-yourself/ Here's one.]]
* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: {{Lampshade|Hanging}}d [[http://notalwaysright.com/cause-for-pregnant-pause-part-6-3/ here.]]
-->'''Submitter:''' ''(to the problem-customer's daughter)'' ...I'm not saying that's for everyone but you don't want to wake up one day to find you're 50, miserable, bigoted, and rude.\\
'''Problem Customer:''' I'm only 42!\\
'''Submitter:''' [[SarcasmMode I'm sure that's what your daughter will remember about today.]]
* IWantGrandkids: [[http://notalwaysright.com/get-thee-to-a-nursery/ Get Thee To A Nursery]]! Maybe she will eventually meet [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-mothers-love/ this guy?]]
* IWantMyJetpack: [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-phones-not-much-to-look-at/ Stealth cellphones]].
* IWarnedYou: [[http://notalwaysright.com/weighed-down-by-your-thumbs-up/ This customer]] bought eighty 80-pound bags of cement, and tried to put them in the bed of his pickup truck all at once. The clerk and the manager told him several times that his truck would get crushed under the weight, and when the customer said it'd be fine, the manager told him to do a thumbs-up to a camera just to prove he was certain about hauling 6,400 pounds of cement in his truck. When the rear end of the truck gives out from the weight, the customer is brushed off when he demands the store replace his truck, telling him that he gave consent to load his truck with the cement even after being warned that this is exactly how it would end up, and they had video with audio of him giving this consent to prove it.
* IdiotBall: Some of these moments consist of otherwise intelligent customers having ditz moments. A few times, the customer has submitted their ''own'' ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-benefits-from-the-benefits-card/ An example featuring both the employee and the customer holding the ball.]]
* IdleRich:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-your-industrial-hose-in-a-twist/161563/ "One of our customers is a real estate developer — known to have too much money, too much free time, and an attitude — who owns lots of commercial property."]] Near the end of the story, it's mentioned that the customer in question likes to stand around at his properties and watch them make him money.
** Seems to be the case with [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ this woman,]] who has a BSOD when she encounters the submitter - a pupil at her daughter's expensive school - working as a cashier to make extra money. (She later complains to the school, unsuccessfully, that people like the submitter shouldn't be mingling with "real students".)
--->'''Schoolmate's Mother:''' I've never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.
--->'''Schoolmate:''' Mom... that's not the flex you think it is.
* IfICantHaveYou: Seems to be the attitude of [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-cant-handle-their-sugar/76496/ this customer]] towards the beverages her doctor's told her she can no longer drink, destroying an aisle full of cola products while ranting about not being able to drink it. Thankfully security leads her out before she can reach the whiskey.
* IllKillYou: Said by [[http://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ this]] egomaniac customer. Mercifully, security stops her before anything can come of it.
* IllPretendIDidntHearThat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-is-what-we-call-a-texas-goodbye/239720/ This call center worker]] hangs up on a caller who is racist and abusive, despite having specific rules against doing so. A supervisor peeks into their cubicle, [[OhCrap revealing he'd been monitoring the call]]... and pointedly laments how awkward it is when calls "accidentally" drop like that.
* IllTakeThatAsACompliment: The attitude of the staff to being told they are all [[http://notalwaysright.com/flattery-is-fully-charged/ too attractive]].
* ImTakingHerHomeWithMe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fritzl-be-one-of-those-days/ ...before anyone else will!]]
* TheImmodestOrgasm: [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-whole-lot-of-noise-about-it/ That went on for over thirty minutes!]]
* ImmuneToDrugs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-to-great-pains/ This patient]]. Combined with low pain tolerance, this causes problems for the hospital.
* ImplausibleDeniability:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ask-a-stupid-question-part-2/ Nope.]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This man]] tries to return a library book that has clearly been chewed by a dog, insisting that it was like that when he checked it out (despite the librarian pointing out that they wouldn't check out a book in that state) and it couldn't have happened in his house since he doesn't own a dog. The book in question? ''A puppy-training manual.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-word-is-mud/178295/ This man]] insists that his son never wore the shoes that he is trying to return in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, namely that the shoes are absolutely caked with mud and the son vocally talking about all the places he has worn the shoes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/talking-sideways-to-get-out-of-it/236463/ This woman]] leaves her two daughters (one of whom is 12, the other a ''baby'') in a hot car while she goes shopping. Desperate for some fresh air, the older daughter tries to roll the window down and accidentally knocks it into gear, causing it to roll into the side of another car. The mother repeatedly insists [[NeverMyFault the other car must have run into hers]], despite the fact that it would have to have been moving ''sideways'' to hit it that way.
* ImpossiblePickleJar: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-tamper-seals-strength-is-totally-nuts/270044/ this story]], ''multiple'' people try in vain to open a jar of peanuts either with their bare hands or tools from a workbench, only succeeding in opening it when they use a ''vise grip''. Afterwards, one of the individuals writes to the company congratulating them on "the level of security under which you place your Dry Roasted Peanuts".
* ImpossibleTask: There is actually an entire category, "[[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/impossible-demands/ Impossible Demands]]", for things like this. For just a few among ''many'' ridiculous requests...:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-should-also-slice-dice-and-julienne-fries/68299/ This customer]] at a shoe store asks for fancy white heels that also have to be hiking sandals, completely waterproof, super comfortable, and have excellent arch support with no backstraps. The manager laughs her out of the store.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-we-suggest-you-go-to-kentucky/272838/ these women]] walk into a Popeye's when they meant to enter a KFC, they seem to fully expect the cashier to just ''magically'' turn the Popeye's into a KFC right there on the spot when they realize their mistake instead of just...you know, turning around and going to a KFC.
* InJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-deal-of-his-life/ “Yo, b***! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!”]]
* IncompatibleOrientation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-have-incompatible-operating-systems/ Doesn't matter to some people.]]
* InflationaryDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-fence-built-on-magic-beans/ A fence built on magic beans.]]
* InnocentBigot: [[https://notalwaysright.com/age-is-no-excuse-to-slur-your-words/248766/ This child]] thinks the Asian slur they picked up from RacistGrandma is just the store's name and is confused that it upset the shopkeeper. Once he explains that it's a bad word, they apologize.
* InnocentInnuendo: [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-context-is-important/ Why context is important.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/apparently-bad-parenting/ "...Cause you want to be a mother so bad that you had to take my sweet boy!"]]
---> "[[FridgeLogic If I took him, why would I bring him back?]]"\\
"Stop distracting me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/after-this-shes-gonna-need-an-antidepressant/ "Well, I'm older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right."]] Note that she's disputing an expiration date, which is clearly marked on the bottle.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/engage-the-brain-before-the-mouth/ "You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job!"]] Apparently the job the employee was clearly working at while the customer was yelling at her doesn't count.
*** That's also ignoring the fact that pre-marital sex and having babies out of wedlock, by definition, require you to not be married in the first place. As the employee's coworker said, "I don't think she thought about what she just said at all."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/handled-the-change-well/ In this story,]] a customer pays for their movie ticket with pre-counted change held inside a roll of electric tape. Naturally, it takes much longer than necessary for the cashier to count out the change - and then the other customer has the gall to try and file a complaint over how long it took when that is entirely ''their'' fault. Which, of course, the complaining customer [[NeverMyFault cannot possibly wrap his mind around]], as when he is told by a manager that the cashier could have denied them service at any time over this, he reacts by [[DeathGlare glaring at that cashier]] as though they ''did''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-acting-their-sunday-best/ This customer]] starts castigating a cashier at a Christian bookstore for said store being open on Sundays. After a bit of back-and-forth, the cashier asks her how she would buy the things she herself is trying to buy on a Sunday if the store wasn't open. Unlike [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ the last time]] this sort of exchange happened, though, the customer is only briefly stunned by this question before she responds, "It doesn’t matter! You should be closed on Sundays! Now do your job and ring me up!"
** One client was behind in her payments, and she offered to give them some of the paintings she's made instead. When suggested that she sell some paintings for money to pay, the woman said she couldn't because it would result in her having to break up a marriage. According to her, she would have to sleep with a man to get him to buy a painting, and then his wife would find out and divorce him, and it would be all her fault!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-mute-point/ This charming customer]] openly expresses his concerns about the staff of a game store "encouraging" a girl who is mute (due to a throat injury), and insists that they should make her leave...because he believes she's mentally impaired. However, what officially puts his complaints into this territory [[note]]The girl points out that it's common for people to assume that she's mentally handicapped because of her inability to speak[[/note]] is that he seems convinced that the girl will ''make other customers impaired'', as though it was a contagious disease of some sort. In the end, the mute girl got the last laugh.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/direction-dissection/ This hotel guest]] asks for directions, only to completely lose her shit at whoever gives them for telling her what to do. This even applies to written directions printed from the Internet.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-you-to-not-drink/ This guy]] says he doesn't want a drink with his order, since his wife is getting coffee from the other restaurant they share a building with. Not two minutes later, he complains about not getting a drink with his order.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dieters-are-of-a-sweet-disposition/ This customer]] thinks that Regular Soda + Diet Sweetener = Diet Soda.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/h2-on-sale/120369/ This woman]] thinks drinking '''''water''''' is unhealthy and will kill you.
--->The water’s for [my handicapped son]. I don’t drink water. That stuff will kill you.
** Somehow, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-reason-for-complaint/134825/ this woman]] jumps to the conclusion that her local cosmetics store cannot be trusted and immediately severs all ties with them after seeing a drunk man peeing on a bus stop that bore one of the company's ads and assumed he was making an ExcrementStatement about the company.
** As noted under "MissConception," the teenage girl who insists she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian... who has a boyfriend... with whom she's sexually active... but she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian and lesbians can't get pregnant!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/searching-for-alternative-facts/155414/ Somebody paid full price]] (of ''four dollars'') for some ornaments that I was unsuccessfully haggling over? "This is why department stores are going out of business!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-5/157761/ This woman]] wanted to sell some games, but one of them happened to be in the console at the time her family wanted to leave. Rather than turn the console on and eject the disk, they ''brought the console itself in'' so the store people could get the disk from it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-problem-drivers-face-these-days/178979/ This customer]] receives a free car wash voucher for their next visit to a car dealership and somehow comes to the conclusion that the ''only'' reason they would do so is specifically that an employee peed in his car as they were cleaning it and the dealership was trying to cover it up by giving him the voucher.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/adding-to-the-problem/179043/ A customer]] tries to prove they didn't spill coffee on the floor... by deliberately spilling coffee on the floor.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bootleg-logic/191898/ A woman]] doesn't want to spend $20 to see a movie at a theater, so she buys a bootlegged copy of it for $15 dollars from a corner shop rather than waiting for it to come out on home video or digital. However, half of the bootlegged copy was blocked by someone sitting in front of the bootlegger, so the woman went to another place and bought a ''different'' bootlegged copy from a ''different'' store for twenty bucks, but that one was bad, too, so now she is trying to see if the local library has a good copy yet.
--->'''Librarian''': [Patron], forgive me for being skeptical, but did you just hear yourself? You bought two bad bootleg copies for fifteen dollars more than you would have spent at the theater.\\
'''Patron''': Yeah, I just hate spending so much for the theater.\\
'''Librarian''': [[StunnedSilence ...?]]
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/crochet-away-2/239547/ I shouldn’t have to pay for it]] because you don’t have any employees that you need to pay. Besides all my friends will see it and I can give them your info. Of course I should get a ‘finders fee’ every time you sell one–" said by a stranger to the submitter crocheting a wedding veil at a hospital, before being warded off by the submitter's husband.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-all-started-with-a-blue-slushie/246663/ This girl]] demands the submitter pay her child support...because he didn't call her (since the submitter didn't like her due to her bad attitude and helping her friends steal from the store he worked at) and ended hooking up with her ex who got her pregnant. Somehow this is all his fault despite the baby isn't his and therefore not his problem.
** A local journalist develops a theory that a chicken laid an egg with a starburst-shaped pattern on it because [[https://notalwaysright.com/hilarious-eggsplanations/249490/ "the chicken was scared of the eclipse, and she transferred the distress onto the egg somehow"]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-go-tell-my-dad-hes-gay-i-guess/253778/ This client]] rejects a photo of two men working because [[HeteronormativeCrusader they think it's a picture of a gay couple]]. Why? One of them is wearing a polo shirt.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] uses the "put your phone in dry rice" trick. The phone ''isn't'' water-damaged, it has a cracked screen that she expects to spontaneously fix itself.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/people-still-use-directory-inquiries-in-the-digit-al-age/264913/ This caller]] seems to be under the assumption that if you lose two fingers, you lose the ability to dial 911.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-yeah-uh-what/274976/ This woman]] believes that if you don't call attention to calories contained within snack food, they don't exist.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-more-miss-cleo-for-you/67843/ This guest]] is insistent that a hotel employee stole ''something'' of hers – even though she can't find anything missing, and she doesn't even know what the item is. All she knows is that her psychic has told her an employee stole it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-the-new-woke-burger-now-with-even-more-trigger-sauce/295118/ This customer]], upon seeing the eponymous Wendy's mascot for apparently the first time, immediately comes to the conclusion that, rather than a female mascot for a non-UsefulNotes/McDonalds fast food chain, she's a transgender [[Advertising/McDonaldland Ronald McDonald]], resulting in an hour-long transphobic tirade that forces the restaurant to call the police because he's harassing customers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-what-happens-when-you-dont-fork-over-any-leftovers/303475/ This guy]] thinks using a fork makes it hygienic to eat from a store's trash.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/crocodile-dundee-is-picky-with-his-sauces/304785/ This man]] thinks it's perfectly acceptable to taste test food sauces in a store using a huge hunting knife to open the bottles, and is insistent that he's done nothing wrong even as he's being escorted out.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the first store's coupons.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sorry-theres-no-ahole-discount/125976/ This guy]] tries to get a discount based on a price-match, but is told that the item he's trying to get it for isn't eligible. His response?
--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-a-crazy-request-but-a-sty-one/213381/ Your dog gets bathed after rolling around in poo, only to roll around in poo again]]? Clearly it's grounds for a refund!
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-complaint-cuts-no-ice/180090/ this story]], the submitter tells a customer that the ice she's looking for is next to the menswear section. For some reason, this makes the customer think the submitter's mistaking them for a man.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-4-2/310197/ A pet/house-sitting employee]] arrives at a house expecting to look after the owners' dog while they're on vacation but instead finds their ''child'', whose parents have told them that the house-sitter will be feeding them and ferrying them to and from school, and who borrowed a neighbor's dog to trick the sitting company's manager. It baffles the company as to how they thought this would work ''without'' the sitters calling Child Protection Services.
* InsistentTerminology:
** Eating popcorn? Psh. [[http://notalwaysright.com/overutilized-word-underutilized-noggin/ This customer]] prefers the term ''utilize''.
** It's [[http://notalwaysright.com/power-trips-of-ten/ one hundred and thirty-six]]! Not one-three-six!
** Similarly, it's [[http://notalwaysright.com/real-numbers-imaginary-common-sense/ eighty-one thousand, eight hundred and eighteen]]. Not eight-one-eight eighteen or eight-one-eight-one-eight.
** As well, [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-a-muddle-over-the-mobble/ this woman]] insists that not only is the Welsh town Machynlleth properly pronounced ''Mobblegarnith'', but that the Welsh language is "nothing more than silly lies".
** Then we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-a-weird-world-she-has-knitted-for-herself/159385/ this woman]], who enters a craft store and wants to buy blueberries. No, they're not a food. They're long. You knit with them. Neither the OP nor anyone in the comments has been able to figure out what exactly she meant, and she storms out in a huff rather than clarify the request in any way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-meat-between-the-buns-or-her-ears/168336/ This fast food customer]] firmly believes that a plain cheeseburger doesn't have any ''burger'' on it. In other words, what she's trying to order is basically a cheese sandwich. On the bright side, when the OP (another customer) points out the flaw in her logic, she quickly realizes that "I'm an idiot."
* InsultBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/been-called-all-the-names-in-the-hundred-acre-wood/ "You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!"]]
* InterchangeableAsianCultures:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/incheon-further-away-from-the-answer/ "So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It's hard to tell."]]
** Combined with IsThatCuteKidYours and RacialFaceBlindness [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-you-speak-asian-part-3-2/230710/ This customer]] at a Chinese restaurant orders chicken teriyaki (Japanese), then, when told they don't have that, orders butter chicken (Indian). When told they don't do that either, she yells that an "Asian restaurant" should serve "Asian food", and repeats her demand for teriyaki, accusing the server of being a "lazy-a** teenager". Her rants go unheeded, however, and after twenty minutes trying to tell everyone who comes in that the restaurant is awful, she gives up and leaves, attempting to slam the door, [[FailedDramaticExit which knocks her on her backside]].
* TheInternetIsForPorn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-check-out-the-endless-what-people-think-i-do-charts/ ...and pedophiles.]]
* InvertedTrope: Most of the stories are about customers doing stupid things. Occasionally, however, it'll be the employees who goof up. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-pressing-issues/ Like this one,]] when a man with a limp comes in and asks for something "for support." The employee takes him toward the knee braces, when he asks how they help support the testicles. She politely points him toward the jock straps. [[note]]It's still partially the customer's fault for not being specific in the first place.[[/note]]
* {{Irony}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahead-of-the-game/ This customer]] tries to get a return on a stolen game. The game? ''VideoGame/{{Thief}}''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-thief-in-wolfs-clothing/85628/ This customer's dog]] helped himself to a treat at a pet store without the owner noticing (said owner, fortunately, was honest and promptly returned to the store to pay for it once they saw what the dog had done). The dog's name? ''Bandit.''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/listen-to-the-irony-of-the-situation/ This customer]] refuses to get off her cell phone while checking out of a store... while conversing with the friend on the other end about how she finds such activity rude.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly/ The South Park story]] gets ironic when you consider how [[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerandUncut the film]] the mom took her kids to is about how [[KnightTemplarParent Kyle's mom]] started a moral crusade over a movie while having a NeverMyFault attitude.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This customer]] is attempting to return a book that has very obviously been damaged by chewing. The book in question was a ''puppy training manual''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-some-backpack-flack/261807/ This woman]] attempts to sneak a three-year-old child into a museum by hiding him in a very large backpack and ends up getting in trouble with the police when she panics after being caught and claims the child isn't hers. It's noted afterward that admission to museum is free for kids three and under, so the woman went through all of this trouble for nothing.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bacon-lettuce-and-taxes/ "But I don't want tax on my sandwich!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/brings-new-meaning-to-hot-food/ "Not a snack?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-abbreviation-abberation/ "abbreviation?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/weefee-rye-guy/177674/ Another example involving wi-fi er, "wee fee"]].
* IsThatCuteKidYours: More along the lines of "why the hell are you having kids?", there are cases where a customer sees another person with a child and berates them for having children at a young age. In nearly every case, the customer is so wrong.
** Like [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]]. A woman accuses a 15-year-old babysitter of having a child after seeing the babysitter and the three-year-old neighbor being watched in the park. Never mind that it would have been impossible for them to be parent and child, given the ages. [[InterchangeableAsianCultures Also,]] ''[[InterchangeableAsianCultures not]]'' [[InterchangeableAsianCultures the same nationality.]]
** Luckily, the younger sister of [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle-part-2/ this sibling pair]] points out the age problem and puts the nosy customer in their place.
** Another [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle/ kid shaming attempt]] here, but an employee intervenes and allows the accused to set the whole record straight. Amusingly, the employee was only expecting something along the lines of "none of your business".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/chose-a-bad-example-for-a-bad-example/ Here too]]. Turns out, the kids ''are'' hers, but she's very well off.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-engendered-confusion-part-2/ This customer]] somehow assumed a ''guy'' was a teenage mother.
* IsThisThingStillOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/third-times-a-charm-for-a-two-faced-one-track-mind/ It is]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-account-of-the-nice-attitude/ The ultra-rare somewhat nice version]].
* ItsAllAboutMe: So many customers in these stories seem to take "the customer is always right" to mean "[[EntitledBastard my satisfaction comes first, everybody else here can go to hell]]" – enough in fact to warrant [[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight their own page]].
* ItAmusedMe: The reason [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ this hotel guest]] destroyed a $400 toaster.
-->'''Submitter:''' Why would you put a paper bowl through the toaster?! The sign says bread and English muffins only!”\\
'''Guest:''' "I don't know." ''*giggles*''
* ItSeemedTrivial: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ooh-this-one-is-a-slow-burn/218737/ A flower food maker]] gets a client complaint according to which their product is too acidic. The maker excludes both a manufacturing mistake on their side and a dosage mistake on the client's side. It can't be the water either, because this happens in a country where everyone gets the same ridiculously clean water on tap, and both companies are using it to dilute the product. Four weeks' worth of tests later, both sides are stumped as to what the problem is. Until the client's representative casually mentions the hydrochloric ''acid'' they're adding to the water to prevent bacterial growth.
* ItsForABook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/murder-she-wrote/ This woman]] probably really is writing a book, but it seems to be a weird one.
* ItsPopularNowItSucks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ To the point where]] "popular" is "[[ItsAllAboutMe I've heard about this]]". [[invoked]]
* ItTastesLikeFeet: The complimentary coffee in [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-his-foot-in-his-caffeinated-mouth/178321/ this store]], according to the OP, who works there. Doesn't stop people coming in for it though, because hey, free coffee!
* JarPotty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/cup-runneth-bad-customers/104768/ This boy]] really needed to go to the bathroom while out shopping and his mother let him pee inside a plastic cup. While this normally wouldn't be an issue, the problem was that she left the cup behind a mirror in one of the fitting rooms. Gross...
* JediMindTrick: [[http://notalwaysright.com/voodoo-or-do-not-there-is-no-jedi/ This isn't the resort you're looking for]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-the-seat-save-run-in-less-than-12-parsecs/ Apparently]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/these-are-not-the-coins-you-are-looking-for/ it's]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-force-is-strong-in-this-one/ common.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Enough of a staple of ''Not Always Right'' to warrant [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight its own page]]!
* JerkassRealization: There are a few instances where the customer realizes that they've been a complete jerk to others and make up for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ This]] customer humiliates a server in front of a crowd of people because she's never seen a $2 bill before. He returns later to apologize.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/adopting-an-apologetic-attitude/ This caller]], after berating a medical office worker for following procedure, calls back to apologize for her behavior and say that she understood why the procedure was like that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suite-deal-turns-sour/ This hotel guest]] felt so bad about flipping out at an employee that the guest told the employee's boss about the situation, resulting in a raise and a complimentary penthouse stay for the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saved-from-traffic-not-trafficking/ This woman]], who was convinced that a coworker who saved her kid's life was attempting to kidnap him. The next day, she comes back and apologizes, thanks him, and gives a glowing review to his boss.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-a-backbone-to-stand-up-for-yourself/ This customer]] chews out a woman who parked in a handicapped space, assuming that the woman was perfectly fine and just taking advantage of the privilege. Once the woman rattles off a list of disorders that she has, the customer later apologizes for her behavior and even offers further help.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tivo-side-effects/ This man]], after realizing that he was mistaken about a fast-food promotion and acted quite out of line towards an employee and manager for it, comes back and offers to buy a meal for them.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This kid]] acts hostile towards a store's employee and decides to steal something in revenge. After the employee calls him, he realizes the error of his ways and returns the item, and becomes a more polite regular of the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/capable-of-handicapping-the-capable/ This twentysomething man]] cuts off another person in a parking lot, parking in a handicapped space, despite his car having no such privilege. Once he sees that the person he cut off is a 96-year-old-woman, he helps her into the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-4/ A customer]] who flips out at an employee returns a few days later to apologize for her behavior.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-hair-out-of-place/ This customer]] insults their driver over being a male with long hair, but after the driver explains he donates his hair every year to Locks of Love, the customer apologizes (since he had lost his son to cancer).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/milking-this-deal-for-as-much-as-its-worth/133526/ An elderly man]] bawls out a cashier over not honoring a sale that only takes place on Monday and Tuesday on a Wednesday (thinking it was still good on Wednesdays) and hauls them out to show them that he's right. When it turns out he's not, the embarrassed man admits to reading the sign incorrectly and is calm and friendly for the rest of the transaction.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-calling-out-is-good-for-your-mental-health/137256/ A man]] acting like an EntitledBastard in a restaurant drive-thru over a new trainee multitasking leaves feeling ashamed of himself (and later came in to apologize for his behavior per the word of the submitter in the comments) after the employee serving him indirectly calls him out on his behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/deaf-to-reason-part-11/177542/ This person]] thinks a deaf employee is being lazy and physically attacks her. The customer even goes so far as to try and yank out ''her hearing aid.'' Fortunately the customer realized what they did.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/big-voice-belonging-to-an-eventually-big-person/189345/ A man]] flips his lid and shouts at the submitter when he comes back to get his truck from car service and discovers that [[DisproportionateRetribution the truck's floor mats had been moved from the floorboard of the truck to the back for safety reasons]] and storms out. The next day, he comes back to apologize for his behavior over such a small thing and gives the submitter a large coffee shop gift card.
* JokeAndReceive:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-need-some-irony-supplements/ This customer]] forgets what he's looking for. An employee jokingly asks if he's looking for memory aids, which turns out to be correct.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-all-pretensions/ A customer]] pays for a $70 purchase with 70 single-dollar bills; the cashier jokingly asks if the customer is a stripper, and is surprised by the "yes" answer.
* JustJokingJustification: [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-is-overreaction/ Absolutely skewered here]] via IronicEcho. Sadly, the customer (and said customer's friends) didn't seem to get it.
* JustPlaneWrong: [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-stupidity-to-new-heights-part-4/ This customer]] reacts with dread when he learns his flight from London to Berlin will be in a propeller plane rather than a jet, because "if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!", as if propeller engines are powered by magic and [[NoOntologicalInertia immediately rob whatever they're powering of all forward momentum the very instant they go out]].[[note]]For the record, even if propeller engines are inherently more susceptible to engine failures than jets, passenger planes are designed to glide safely in the event of engine failure so as to reach their destination, or the closest and safest alternative, without risking the safety of the passengers. And furthermore, if the aircraft has multiple engines, then even if one engine fails, the other engine(s) can keep the plane aloft until it reaches the nearest airport.[[/note]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:K-L]]
* KarmicJackpot: When doing kind deeds have rewards:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-into-double-double-trouble/ This guy]], who is having a bad day and has lost his job, chases out someone who was being verbally abusive to an employee. Karma kicks in for him almost immediately when the person behind him pays for both their drinks and tells him they have a job opening for a computer technician, which he gladly takes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-people-are-not-dime-a-dozen/ This university shop worker]] covers for a customer's remaining payment. It turns out the customer had some connections in high places, and the worker is treated to an in-person viewing of Creator/LeonardoDiCaprio.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-lager-for-free-labor/ This employee]] fixes a customer's laptop very quickly and charges nothing for it. The customer returns later with a case of beer as thanks.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lounging-in-the-line/ At an airport on a stormy day]], a customer tries to help move things along by directing all the fliers checking in to the self-check kiosks, so the agents can work on re-booking people whose flights got canceled. When their own flight gets delayed by the foul weather, one of the agents gives them a free lounge pass as thanks for their help.
** After handling a caller who was not only abusive but trying to fraudulently avoid paying car insurance for her teenage son, [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-you-deny-someone-coverage-for-being-a-b/233432/ this agent]] finds out their boss was secretly monitoring their calls for a potential raise, and staying professional and calm for the whole call gets them approved for the highest rate.
** After helping an elderly customer take her groceries to the car and making small talk about their financial goals, [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-thank-you-and-then-theres-literally-putting-your-money-where-your-mouth-is/242031/ this shop worker]] gets a $20 tip from the customer, and then finds out that she went to the store manager and told them to give the worker extra hours so they can afford their goals.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-wanna-be-the-very-best-like-employee-1-never-was/244668/ this story]], the then-teenaged submitter and their brother are regulars at a toy store's weekly ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' card tournament, and soon enough they start showing up early to help set up for the tournament alongside another employee (who couldn't care less about ''Pokémon''). Soon enough the employee just quits showing up to help the kids set up, leaving them to run the whole tournament by themselves. Eventually, after three weeks(!) have passed, the store's staff realize that the submitter and their brother were running everything, but they are so impressed with how good a job they have been doing that they forget about the slacker employee[[labelnote:*]]Nobody ever seems to find out what happened to him, whether he quietly quit his job or spent the morning in the break room while the submitter and their brother ran everything[[/labelnote]] and just hire the submitter to run the ''Pokémon'' tournaments full-time!
--->''To this day, I still have it in my resume that my first job was as a Pokémon Master. The strange thing is that not a SINGLE employer has ever questioned it.''
** While helping a friend shop for clothes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-yet/251343/ this sharp-dressed submitter]] is mistaken for a salesman by another customer. After helping her find an actual employee to answer the question, the store manager appears, compliments the submitter's tact and courtesy in handling the situation, and asks if they want a job (they do, and they start the next week).
** A two-for-one case in [[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-pay-it-forward-to-a-whole-new-level/298544/ this story]]. The store's owner and cashier show compassion to a local homeless man, ensuring he always gets a decent meal and a drink with an instruction to pay what he can, even if it's only a few cents. One night, shortly after the homeless man pays them a visit, the store is attacked by an armed robber, and the homeless man, upon hearing the commotion, immediately runs back in to protect the cashier and store. The homeless man then gets a Karmic Jackpot of his own as his story makes the news and he receives multiple job offers, allowing him to get off the street and get his life back together.
* KarmicNod: After impulsively slapping a teenage hostess's behind and getting whacked in the throat with her clipboard hard enough to draw blood, [[https://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sweet-even-when-its-an-accident/240720/ this guy immediately admits he deserved it]] and tips her a hundred dollars as an apology, as well as continuing to apologize for the rest of the evening.
* KickTheSonOfABitch: [[https://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ This DJ]] gets tired of dealing with a patron who absolutely refuses to wait for the requested song to come up in a queue, storms out, only to storm back in, forcing past security, moments later and starts attacking other patrons with a knife. As the offending patron gets arrested, the DJ plays the requested song "as a parting gift."
* KillerRabbit: "When was your last tetanus shot?" "Let me see... honey, [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-ill-be-ducked/85932/ when was I bit by that duck?]]"
* TheKilljoy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-worry-working-retail-will-do-this-to-you-eventually/294575/ This bizarre customer]] takes issue with a cashier being too happy as they work.
* KindheartedCatLover: The most aggressive cat in the shelter [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-cat-is-gone-in-a-creampuff/135595/ gets adopted by one]], who renames him Creampuff. Most of the shelter workers are convinced [[DeconstructedTrope the adoption will fail and the cat's rehabilitation progress will be ruined]]. [[ReconstructedTrope As OP learns, however, this is very much not the case and he is now a ball of cuddles.]]
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: A lot of customers show up thinking they know best. None of them can be reasoned with. All of them are ''wrong''.
* KnowWhenToFoldEm: [[https://notalwaysright.com/storage-wars-christmas-special/242728/ This lady]] gives up screaming about the price of Christmas storage items when the cashier grabs a nearby sign to show her it DOES say they're excluded from the post-Christmas sale. Apparently she expected the cashiers not to have the option of proving her wrong, as she's specifically described as surprised when the cashier steps away from the register to get the sign.
* TheKlutz: [[http://notalwaysright.com/im-falling-and-calling-to-pieces/ This customer]], who drops the phone and remote repeatedly until the call drops.
* LadyLooksLikeADude: Invoked by name [[http://notalwaysright.com/dude-needs-some-sleep/ here,]] by a rather disheveled woman.
* LameComeback: One that's not even in response to an insult, made by someone who seems to consider everything at the store "stupid".
-->'''Cashier:''' “Have a nice day!”\\
'''Customer:''' “Well... you... DON’T have a nice day!”
* LandOfFaerie: They have natural lilac hair with blue tips, big grey eyes, and slight Irish accents. [[http://notalwaysright.com/slightly-accented-hair/ They come from Canada]].
* LanguageEqualsThought: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/full-definition-jacket/126068/ No, I want a JACKET]]..." The seller is from Washington and considers a "jacket" a specific style of outerwear. The customer is from Arizona, and any item of outerwear is a "jacket". She wants a winter coat. The seller later quizzes their coworkers and finds that none of them distinguish between styles of outerwear.
* LargeHam: Some of the aforementioned {{Cloud Cuckoolander}}s.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preaching-to-the-converted/ This]] guy does a good job of it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ THE LARGE MOUNTAIN JEW!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-nicknames-are-born/ STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!]]
** How [[https://notalwaysright.com/my-roommate-is-my-pet-hate/82688/ this customer]] copes with his {{Jerkass}} roommate forcing him to buy pet food for his cat at 4 in the morning after a terrible shift, just so he can go clubbing.
* LaserGuidedKarma: Now has [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight its own page]].
* LaterInstallmentWeirdness:
** The addition of non-dialogue stories can be seen as a minor example.
** After avoiding crossposting for a very long time, late 2020 onward has seen an increase in stories crossposted from various "bad customer" [[Website/{{Reddit}} subreddits]].
* LethallyStupid:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/po-tential-k-atastrophe-averted/32949/ This mother]] lets her young son play around unsupervised with dangerous chemicals at a university lab, on the grounds that her husband is a chemist so he's used to doing such things. Of course, when the sink explodes, her first reaction is to yell, [[NeverMyFault "Your wretched lab could have killed my son!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/drowned-out-by-their-stupidity/176882/ This person]] demands a refund after the pet fish they bought only a week earlier died, even going so far as to accuse the pet store of poisoning it. It turns out that the reason the fish died was that the owner ''took it out of its tank''... because they thought it was '''drowning'''.
** The client in [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-positive-that-this-should-never-have-happened/218370/ this story]] calls a technician round to his house to fix his network, despite the fact that he's [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic in quarantine]]. He can't understand why the tech has a problem with this -- after all, ''he's'' feeling fine, and look, he's wearing a mask! And yes, the tech got infected as a result -- an asymptomatic case, as it turned out, although had they not overheard the client casually mention on the phone that he was quarantining, they could have ended up passing it on to goodness only knows how many people.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/pray-she-doesnt-get-puppies/254060/ another pet fish horror story]], a teenager's Silver Dollars all die less than twenty-four hours after she purchases them because ''she took them out of their tank to "play with them"''. There is much internal screaming from the submitter until an elementary schooler in line behind the teen [[WhatWereYouThinking reams the teen out]] for somehow not realizing that fish need to stay in water to survive.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/finding-nemo-but-losing-your-patience/306666/ This aquarium worker]] apparently regularly has to deal with parents dangling their babies over '''an open shark tank''', who tend to react with disbelief [=and/or=] anger when told not to. One dad apparently thinks that, if he drops the kid, the minimum wage worker will simply just jump in with the sharks to retrieve them.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shes-a-salty-cracker/116946/ This tourist]] thought a bird was thirsty, and thought the appropriate reaction was to ''dunk it in seawater''.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: Somewhat common on here. A customer has a crazy, if not impossible, request. The store associate repeats it back to the customer, just to make sure that he/she hears correctly, and often rephrasing it to highlight the implausibility of it. The (often {{Jerkass}}) customer will probably respond in one of several ways: "Well? Get going! I'm not waiting here all day!", "Argh, you're just being lazy/intentionally unhelpful!" or, best of all, "Exactly! God, is that so hard to understand?"
* LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain:
** After a customer realizes they're holding the IdiotBall, they may apologize and then say this. [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-sign-up-for-delivery-by-delorean/ One example]] featuring a customer who lost track of what day it was.
** Said by the submitter in [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-embarrassing-game-of-cat-and-mouse/193067/ this story]] after discovering that the dead mouse they called an exterminator for was really a cat toy.
* LifeImitatesArt:[[invoked]] [[WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDameDisney A physically deformed, sweet-natured person]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-word-is-r-rated/ who does fine wood carvings.]]
* LifesavingMisfortune: [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-humbling-time-for-all-of-us/187174/ This story]] is what happens when the "Why is my large and complicated order taking so long, I have important places to be!" customer's "important place" is [[UsefulNotes/TheWarOnTerror the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001]]. One week later, the customer is back to thank the worker for the delay with his wife and daughter in tow.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-boss-didnt-record-your-request-2/65236/ This owner]] of a London recording studio was forced to cancel his flight to the US for Christmas because the night before the scheduled flight, a clueless manager locked up for the night while several people were still inside, ultimately requiring the intervention of the Fire Brigade to liberate them, and the owner had to stay in England to deal with the mess that resulted (including a very peeved Fire Brigade). The flight the manager was supposed to be on was the ill-fated Pan Am 103, which was brought down over Scotland by a terrorist bombing.
* LikeIsLikeAComma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-like-mean/ Um, like, literally!]]
* LikeMotherUnlikeDaughter:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ The mother and daughter of this story]] could not be more different. The mother nearly has an aneurysm when she learns that the OP, who is working as a cashier at a grocery store, is attending the same expensive prep school as her daughter, even when OP doesn't reveal the real reason (they come from a poor family and want to help ease the burden, instead saying they think working would become a more open-minded person). Said daughter, on the other hand, is shown to be much more down to Earth and understanding, even cheerfully greeting OP upon realizing its them. Their dynamic is summed up perfectly with this exchange following OP's fake excuse for working.
---> '''Mother:''' Nonsense! I’ve never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.\\
'''Daughter:''' Mom… that’s not the flex that you think it is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-tired-daughter-of-jane-complain/301435/ This story]] about a woman who takes pleasure in finding something to complain about every time she enters the store, and her daughter, who is mortified by this, and takes steps to ensure she ''doesn't'' have anything to complain about by secretly pre-ordering ''every variety of oatmeal'' before her mother comes in, finds out which variety isn't on the shelf, and insists she can only have that one. After the mother has had the wind taken out of her sales, the daughter donates the other boxes to charity.
* LiteralMetaphor:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/70049/ "Would you like to see my bird?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-if-the-duck-wanted-some-wings/246866/ "[The intercom]'s just making duck noises."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-even-have-a-name-for-this-problem/203289/ This guy]], after blowing up when the clerk says they can't check the situation unless they have a name, repeatedly says "You have no idea who you're dealing with!" As the clerk points out, they really ''don't'', which is the problem.
* LiteralMinded: That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
** [[FlippingTheBird "Flip off]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-flippantly-part-3/ the power switch"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeder-mice-not-included/ Python needed to run script]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-5/ Here's a tip for ya...]] Fortunately, she does understand the real meaning of the word.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ Software can convert photographs]], but it can't make the people ''in'' the photograph convert their religious beliefs.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice/ "Employees must wash hands."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/misery-in-a-can/ This kid]]. He knocks over a display of soup cans, throws one at another customer, then smashes a glass bottle - all because his mother told him to "make someone else miserable for once".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-pen-is-mightier-than-the-brain-2/ “You want me to right-click?”]]
* LittleGirlsKickShins: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fixing-for-a-fixing/ In this story]], a little girl kicks the shin of a horrible customer while [[PunctuatedPounding saying "You! Are! Not! A! Nice! Man!"]]
* LogicalFallacies: A fair chunk of the entries on the site are of customers who, when confronted with the fact that they might be wrong about something, choose to stubbornly hold on to their mistaken belief in the face of all evidence and logic otherwise. This leads them to some breathtakingly inaccurate conclusions.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ This customer]]. Also, a fairly JustForFun/{{Egregious}} [[UsefulNotes/LogicalFallacies Begging the Question]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-and-cookbooks-are-written-by-the-victors/ Apparently Japan losing WW2 means their food isn't safe to eat.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/license-to-breed/ And this one]], although some might argue that this ''should'' [[ThereShouldBeALaw be made a law]]...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/used-and-abused/ If you never wore it]], how do you know it doesn't fit right?
* LockedDoor: [[https://notalwaysright.com/locked-misunderstanding/104430/ Inverted here]] The guest didn't know that their door was unlocked because the locks use regular physical keys rather than cards.
* LondonEnglandSyndrome:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/ "I would like a ticket to Paris, USA."]](Perhaps an inversion of this trope, as the customer assumed this just happens because Americans are stupid, and ends up looking like a fool because of it.)
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-fail-part-2/ This Canadian]] manages to fall afoul of a similar situation since it's not immediately clear to the cashier whether the customer is talking about the Canadian province of Ontario, or a ''city'' named Ontario.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** Attempted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-late-than-clever/ this woman]]. The daycare had a rule that parents must sign out their kids by 4 PM or face additional charges. The woman signed her daughter out on time but left her there while she ran other errands for another 45 minutes. Luckily, the daycare didn't put up with her crap and charged her anyway.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-pull-up-to-the-next-fast-one/ This man]], too. The restaurant had a policy that if the customer didn't get a receipt, their meal was free. What does he do? Shove the money into the drive-thru attendant's hands and ''immediately'' speeds to the next window. The drive-through guy didn't have time to even ''offer'' a receipt, but that matters not. The speeder argues this point and sadly gets away with it. Drive-thru guy wises up, though, and offers a receipt ''before'' taking the money next time the speeder rolls around.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/freely-fraudulent/ This man]] wants a bunch of free ice cream samples in a cup. It's not a cup of ice cream, you see, because it's all free samples! The employee didn't put up with his crap, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ This grocery store customer]] attempts this with coffee beans, which were priced by weight. As a single coffee bean's weight is minuscule (and therefore technically costs nothing), she bags numerous beans individually in an attempt to circumvent the pricing. Unfortunately for her, she didn't anticipate [[DevelopersForesight the automatic checkout to catch her tactic]] -- it stops ''because'' she didn't combine them. The manager then weighs all the beans and bags she tried to make off with and [[LaserGuidedKarma forces her to pay the massive price for them]] because, according to them, they couldn't take back food that was handled.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/reason-for-refund-holds-water/ The customer]] does have a point about a retail store's return policy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-taxing-conversation-part-2/ This woman]] attempts this with taxes by trying just about every combination of filing possible in order to maximize her return.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/burger-budgeting-101/ This customer]] picks off one ingredient every time he orders a burger so that he has another burger at the end of the week.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-cop-holder-with-drink/ This lady]] walks into a movie theater with half a bottle of wine and attempts to invoke this trope.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-one-customer-knows-more-than-all-the-doctors/201419/ This guy]] attempts to make up his own loophole after being told that, by city mandate, he must [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic wear a mask]] while in the building. First, he declares that he's [[ImpliedDeathThreat a concealed-carry owner]] and "knows the Constitution", then tries to invoke the "thirty-ninth amendment", which ''doesn't even exist''.[[labelnote:*]] The story takes place in Colorado according to the tags. The US Constitution has just twenty-seven amendments (and, if all the current proposals were passed, would still only have thirty-three). As for Colorado's state constitution, its process works differently; the 39th amendment would be the 39th one ''proposed'', which didn't actually pass, and, obviously, had nothing to do with mask-wearing anyway.[[/labelnote]] Repeating his boast about "[[BlatantLies knowing the Constitution]]" fails to impress anybody, and after being threatened with police action, [[KnowWhenToFoldEm he backs down and puts a mask on]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-yall-do-this-crap-at-home/235963/ This group of drug users]] change up who books the motel rooms where they partake, so the motel staff can't tell it's the same group and doesn't have their names to ban them all.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/disclaimer-this-may-or-may-not-be-legal-where-you-live/255355/ This drunk]] tries to get around drunk driving charges by going out for more beer by ''riding a horse into the store''. The submitter never found out if he got arrested or not, but at the very least, he didn't get his extra beer, and he was last seen having a discussion with a police officer.
* LovableSexManiac: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rated-immature/ This guy]] prank-calls a video store asking for porno. Turns out they have an entire section. He turns into a polite repeat customer.
* LoveOverridesTheLaw: {{Subverted}}. [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-hangover-doesnt-taste-so-suite-2/39831/ In this story]], a guy thinks he shouldn't have to pay for the damage he and his girlfriend did to a hotel room due to this trope.
[[/folder]]
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%%Remember Administrivia/WeblinksAreNotExamples. Provide some sort of explanation, quote or context of how the trope applies to the story you're linking, not just "It happens in this story" and a pothole.
%%For tropes where Administrivia/NoRealLifeExamplesPlease or Administrivia/InUniverseExamplesOnly apply, please remember, this is a work portraying real life, which is explicitly protected by the first paragraph of No Real Life Examples, Please.
[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToD Tropes A to D]] | '''Tropes G to L''' ([[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight It's All About Me]], [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight Jerkass]], [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight Laser-Guided Karma]])| [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] ([[TheyJustDontGetIt/NotAlwaysRight They Just Don't Get It]]) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
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[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples. The site also has non-Americans ''assuming'' that all Americans are Type 2, only to get proven wrong by the Americans they're trying to scam/talk down to.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is (albeit sometimes with dubious applicability).
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
-->'''Police Officer''': Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.
-->'''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
-->'''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisLives: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ In Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EnfanteTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-no-parenting-experts-but-maybe-stop-handing-the-kid-glass/291821/ This toddler]] smashes ''three'' jars of peanut butter because they don't like it. Naturally, the mother is hesitant about paying for it.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntertainmentAboveTheirAge:
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-jurassic-park-is-pg-13/84640/ This Is Why Jurassic Park is Rated PG-13]], a girl who appears to be about five says [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior she loves to draw dinosaurs covered in blood]], implying that she's been watching ''Film/JurassicPark'' (though she might simply be a young girl with a disturbing [[MsImagination imagination]] going through a [[KidsLoveDinosaurs dinosaur phase]]).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-i-for-immature-part-2/75162/ Rated I For Immature, Part 2]], two young kids try to buy ''VideoGame/Halo3'', only to be turned down because they're too young to buy an M-rated game, much to their ire.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-c-for-child-welfare/69951/ Rated C For Child Welfare]], two parents try to take their kids who are six and eight to see ''Film/FinalDestination1'' in 3D. When the OP objects to this, the father claims their kids' favorite movies are ''Film/SawI'' and ''Film/SawII'' (though it's possible he was lying).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-and-get-incarcerated-so-fast-part-2/72233/ They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2]], an eight-year-old boy wants to buy an M-rated game. The OP tells him he can't buy it without his mother's permission. [[PermissiveParents His mother doesn't give a damn about the game's content as long as her son pays for it himself.]]
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-grand-theft-tantrum/173006/ A Grand Theft Tantrum]], a boy who is said to look about nine years old demands the OP to let him buy ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoClassic'' and starts [[TantrumThrowing throwing video games around in a rage]] when the OP refuses to let him buy any because he's too young.
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even laws of physics) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
** And then there's [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-that-entitlement-slide-into-the-bus-lane/85680/ this woman]], who seems to think that spending a lot of money at a store entitles her to be able to flag down any of its employees and have them taxi her about.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/ This woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/slick-way-lose-warranty/107921/ This woman]] complained about her lawnmower suddenly catching on fire and wanted a refund. This is certainly an issue, but it becomes clear that this woman has made a grievous error: While, it's true that lawnmowers run on oil, that doesn't mean any type of oil. This woman apparently poured ''vegetable oil'' rather than motor oil into the gas tank "because it's oil." So in the end, she wrecked her own lawnmower by her own stupidity.[[note]]She also at some point in the conversation says that she poured a whole bottle of oil in. Although motor oil usually comes in bottles now, it historically came in cans. If the container in question ''was'' a can, then one has to wonder ''how'' she mixed the two up.[[/note]]
** Back when professional-grade copy machines were ''much'' harder to work on, we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-office-environment-takes-on-a-dark-tone/213663/ this story]] of a medical office getting an error message on a Friday afternoon that will require a service call on Monday morning. On Saturday, their maintenance man announces that he [[DoomItYourself "knows" how to fix the problem]] and ends up literally spraying toner and developer powders all over the office. When the service rep shows up Monday, he tells the staff (which has been trying and failing to clean up the mess since Saturday) what type of mask they should be wearing to prevent health issues, then confirms that the maintenance guy completely killed the copier ... and probably three office computers as well. The doctor informs the maintenance company that since their guy destroyed the equipment by doing unauthorized work, they '''will''' be paying for all the repairs.
** When trying to buy ice cream for the sale price... 1) make sure you have the correct size container of ice cream, 2) make sure the sale is current, [[RuleOfThree 3)]] '''make sure you are in the correct store'''. [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-ice-cream-really-does-make-you-scream-part-2-2/214653/ And when you fail on all three points, don't yell at the cashier]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-day-the-music-died-5/186687/ This genius]] somehow broke multiple displays of rare and extensive antiques just by trying to put a guitar back on a stand.
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm-2/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ Leap years]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ New Jersey accents are only on television to get ratings]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-fools-mortals/88696/ Shakespeare is just a corporate mascot for Big Theatre]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--->'''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."
* EtTuBrute: There are numerous stories where the manager will break policy, berate the OP for not doing so, or otherwise side with the entitled, unreasonable "Customer." Sometimes even costing the store money in the process. A particularly glaring example [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ here]] where Manager initially sides with OP in upholding the restaurant's policy regarding the "to go" salad bar, until Customer specifically targeted OP ''at least three days in a row'', buying the "to go" salad, and demanding a refund for not getting the lid, in advance, until Manager turns on and blames the employee for the refunds, and then Customer, "thanks" OP by overfilling the lid and spraying cottage cheese around while trying to close the plate onto the lid, which OP then has to go and clean up.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie-2/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-more-you-read-the-worse-it-gets-fourth-of-july-edition/294943/ Two young men]] try to steal alcohol because they're underage... except they aren't, they're both of legal age. They just failed to do the math and thought they were younger than they are.
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ This one]] has a lesbian accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-3/ The store this employee works at]] has a policy of checking the receipt of every shopper to discourage theft. A black customer accuses the submitter (who is the employee stationed at the exit that day) of targeting him specifically, despite the fact that he was in a line where ''everybody'' was getting their receipts checked regardless of who they were. He backed off when the guy in line behind him, who also happened to be African-American, stood up for the employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided-2/119916/ Another "gay card" user]]. Because the OP did not go check his ''tire pressure'' immediately, due to being occupied with another customer, the "customer" begins ranting that OP was trying to deny him service because he's gay. [[LaserGuidedKarma OP, who is also gay, then goes to refuse him service.]]
** Used for ''good'' in the case of "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ Captain Camp and The Russian Lady]]" who learn that the employees ''want'' customers to complain about a faulty anti-theft device, because it's the only way it's going to be fixed, and declare they can use their minority status to ensure they're listened to.
--->'''Woman''': I ham up accent on phone. He will ham up the gay. Use trigger word.\\
'''Man''': It's discrimination, darling!\\
'''Woman''': Captain Camp and The Russian Lady will aid you!
** An (able-bodied) customer who [[https://notalwaysright.com/disabling-his-complaint/119203/ accuses two workers of ableism]] because they grabbed someone's wheelchair without asking ... while it was careening downhill, completely out of control. No, the opinion of the guy in the chair ''doesn't'' matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/explaining-the-science-will-do-a-fat-lot-of-good/309952/ A customer at an ice cream shop]] tells the cashier that she is trying to reduce her fat in-take. The minute the customer says the word "fat", the customer in line directly behind her explodes into a tirade about discrimination toward fat people even though the only mention of "fat" was referring to nutritional fat.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem-2/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* EvilIsPetty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ This woman]] first goes to the newly hired, first job, sixteen-year-old employee to purchase the "to go" salad, rather than the all you can eat. When she demands the lid, in advance, knowing full well this is in violation of the written policy because the lid is clearly bigger than the plate meant to go with it, she badgers the employee, who stands by store policy. Not being able to get OP to budge, she slams the plate down and demands a refund. Manager provides refund, tells OP was correct. Woman leaves. End of story, right? '''''WRONG'''''. The woman returns and specifically targets the same employee, ignoring other cashiers, even if their lines are empty, including the manager, ''at least three more days in a row'', until the manager, despite seeing the woman's behavior first hand, turns on and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming blames the employee for all the refunds]] and says "just do whatever it takes to make the customer happy." Lo and behold, the woman not only fills ''the lid'' to overflowing from the salad bar, but to add insult to injury and injury to insult crushes her salad with so much force that it squirts cottage cheese over the salad bar, and the floor, which then OP has to go and clean up while spewing "There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? You have a nice day, sweetie!" to never return.
* EvilTwin: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sisterhood-of-the-judgmental-rants/59983/ This story]] features twin sisters who work as cashiers at the same grocery store. One is polite and courteous while the other is snobby and judgmental, treating a woman rudely for having a young daughter and being on welfare, even though (as her sister points out) [[{{Hypocrite}} she had her own son when she was 15.]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-customers-are-a-sign-of-the-end-times/156196/ "Let me know when there's a great flood, then you can skip my lunch!"]] This was during a major earthquake in Manila and as if on cue a large Biblical flood occurs outside complete with screaming from the terrified citizens.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unloading-some-beautiful-malicious-compliance/215064/ This woman]] is so spiteful about being asked to move her car away from a coffee shop's fire exit that she moves it to the shop's loading area instead. Sure enough, the delivery truck shows up right after she does this and she's so reluctant to move again that she expects the truck to be "unloaded around her". The coffee shop's manager agrees to do so... by completely surrounding the woman's car with the delivered boxes and ''double''-checking everything before it's put in the stockroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/buying-insurance-to-cover-the-insurance/242047/ This insurance customer]] attempts to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] this. When a system error causes their car's insurance to temporarily show as invalid, and the agent they speak to agrees to compensate for travel arrangements in the interim, they ''buy another car and insurance'' and attempt to get the company to pay the £7,200 they spend on them, arguing that no restrictions were made on what 'travel arrangements' meant. [[LaserGuidedKarma In the end, they walk away with nothing.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-pizza-justice/271427/ A boy]] repeatedly calls the same pizza restaurant with prank calls, driving the employees there crazy. One day, the submitter, absolutely done with the kid, responds to the kid asking for 100 pizzas by pretending to accept the order, saying they will bill the kid through the phone bill, and hanging up. The kid [[OhCrap absolutely freaks out]] and tries to call back before giving up and being forced to confess to his parents. The parents apologize to the submitter for what happened and the boy never prank calls the pizza place again.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/reasons-why-small-print-is-a-million-pages-long-part-2/284457/ This customer]] reads a buy-one-get-one-free ad, and it's not clear whether they're being dumb or bullheaded when they insist on getting their free extra when they bought the first from a competitor, because the ad doesn't specify that both items have to come from the same store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-cure-for-the-babysitter-blues-giving-it-a-shot/291812/ This prospective young teen babysitter]] uses careful exact words on his fliers, his GenderBlenderName and the fact that [[EffeminateVoice he sounds female over the phone]] to hide his gender prior to arriving at a house, because he operates under the (correct, as it turns out) assumption that people wouldn't hire him if they knew he was male. To compensate, he makes his first sessions with families free, in the hope that he'll be given a chance.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-understand-the-custom-part-of-customer-part-26/279986/ This customer]] somehow manages to interprete "You can head up to the front and pay at the registers" as indicating he ''can'' do that, not that he's required to. When he's corrected on this point, he maintains a constant insistence that he's been suckered into buying this stuff under false pretences, despite the fact he picked it out ''before'' he was told that ''anyway''.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExplainExplainOhCrap: [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-in-doubt-always-ask-is-there-a-teen-in-the-house/286546/ This customer]], who is absolutely outraged that he was charged for the adult channels when he never ordered them, and there's no-one else in the house except his teenage son, and then hangs up, presumably realising who he ''should'' be yelling at about it.
* ExtremeDoormat: Generally speaking, managers who cave in to bratty customers' demands (whether out of worry over losing the customers' business (especially if they're large spenders) or just to get them to shut up) occur in the stories on such a regular basis that some users on the website claim that they warrant their own category on the website.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:F]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:G]]
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:H]]
* HadTheSillyThingInReverse:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/turned-the-problem-right-around/ This computer user]] managed to do this with a ''mouse''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theres-a-funny-upside-down-to-this/ This one]] managed it with ''the entire computer tower''.
* HairTriggerTemper:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/just-bagging-for-trouble/ This customer]] seems pleasant enough when she asks for something, but the ''moment'' even ''one'' thing is off with the transaction...
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-help-those-who-dont-want-to-be-helped/133011/ This guy at a store register]] suddenly and abruptly throws his merchandise down and storms out of the store looking angry as a hornet the minute the cashier finishes helping a slightly cranky elderly woman. What makes the situation especially bizarre is that up to that point, the man had been acting perfectly amicable and patient as the cashier helped the elderly woman and had even told the cashier to go ahead and finish helping her before helping him. Even the site's commentators were stumped by the man's behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-was-just-too-chicken/ This guy at a fried-chicken restaurant's drive-through]] orders a two-piece chicken combo, but asks for no sides, so the employee puts the order in as two pieces of chicken. The minute the guy sees the two piece of chicken orders show up on the screen, he blows his stack and speeds out of there before the poor employee can even explain why the order appeared like that.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] responds to being politely asked to not shout profanity in a library by dropping a racist ClusterFBomb, and threatening to ''[[DisproportionateRetribution shoot and stab]]'' the submitter, for complying with library policy.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cake-of-bridezilla/238160/ A bride-to-be]] enters a bakery with her mother to pick up the wedding cake. The bride sees a cake on the front counter and proceeds to flip her lid, saying that the cake looks nothing like how she wanted, and then ''destroys the cake''. It turns out the reason why the cake on the counter didn't look anything like how she wanted was that ''[[FailedASpotCheck it wasn't even her wedding cake,]]'' [[FailedASpotCheck it was a different couple's wedding cake]]. She ends up spending her wedding night behind bars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-purse-will-be-empty-thanks-to-the-damage-bill/265154/ This customer at an arts & crafts store]] realizes she can't find her purse and completely loses her marbles, attacking other customers whom she thinks stole her purse, flipping carts, and knocking merchandise off the shelves and destroying them, which forces the employees to have to evacuate the other customers for their safety. In the end, it turned out that the woman [[FailedASpotCheck had actually accidentally left her purse in her car]], and she ends up arrested for attacking other customers and destroying the merchandise ([[PersonaNonGrata as well as banned from all other arts & crafts stores in the region]]).
* HandicappedBadass: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-dance-dance-revolution-revelation/ I'm playing. What's your excuse again?]] A convention attendee who is dragged to a DDR tournament initially refuses to play… until the registration tender shows he has a prosthetic leg and is playing as well.
* HandsOffParenting: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-stones-throw-away-from-good-behavior/ This mother]] seems to have this approach, seeing that she chased off the babysitter for punishing her son when he was throwing rocks. [[LaserGuidedKarma She ends up going to court later on because her son threw a rock at a neighbor's kid.]]
* HanlonsRazor: Most of the examples are pretty clear, but some are really difficult to decide whether the {{Jerkass}} customer [[ItsAllAboutMe is trying to]] [[ConMan cheat the cashier]], is a real-life {{Troll}} doing it [[ItAmusedMe for shits]] [[ForTheEvulz and giggles]], or if the customer is [[TheyJustDontGetIt just]] [[TheDitz plain]] [[TooDumbToLive stupid]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-problem-with-dirty-words/ This]] example lends credence to the "Customer is a troll" theory. He's complaining that the dirt the landscaping company dropped off is "too dirty". That's right, his dirt is ''too dirty''.
** And then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/unable-to-think-outside-the-box/ this]] exchange...
--->'''Tech Support''': Really, you want me to talk you through opening the ''[laptop]'' box?\\
'''Customer''': Yes.\\
'''Tech Support''': Is this a prank call?\\
'''Customer''': No.
* HarshNoise: [[https://notalwaysright.com/crazy-old-lady-1-bag-boy-0/67897/ This woman]] despises the sound of vacuum cleaners. [[note]]It's not unusual for people with sensory processing disorders and autistic people. Vacuums are loud, repetitive, buzzing, and can badly shock people with exaggerated startle responses (a trait of PTSD). Other common culprits for this HellIsThatNoise effect - actually referred to in neurodivergent circles as "sensory hell" - are hand dryers, fire alarms, checkout machines, etc.[[/note]]
* HauntedTechnology:
** Strangely, credit cards ''don't'' share a [[OurVampiresAreDifferent common vampiric weakness]] and can be freely [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-3/ moved over a body of water]].
** A straighter example would be [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-keep-your-online-devices-in-line-part-2/ this woman's possessed modem]].
* HavingAGayOldTime: [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-a-load-of-explaining-to-do/ "I'll blow my load!"]] means something different these days...
* HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday: "Are you paying together?" "No! [[HeIsNotMyBoyfriend We are definitely not together]]! [[http://notalwaysright.com/separates-the-men-from-the-boys/ I'm not gay!"]]
* HeadDesk: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sweet-resolution/ This poor tech-support guy]].
* HeelFaceTurn:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This guy]], who goes irate over needing an ID to sell used games, steals from the store, but later returns all the stolen merchandise, apologizes for his behavior, and becomes a regular customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ "That’s not okay. I’m very sorry. Buddies?"]]
* HeelRealization:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-to-racism-at-break-necklace-speed/85294/ One lady]] who claims [[MistakenForThief a black employee stole her necklace]]. She later calls back to apologize upon discovering she simply misplaced it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/daddy-issues-save-the-day/286463/ These men]] realize just how gross them flirting with the (underaged) waitresses is when one of them claims that not only does her dad have the same name as the group's ringleader, but that she's also the same age as his daughters.
* HehHehYouSaidX: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fourth-graders-going-on-forty/ This husband]] is constantly amused by windows having an "inside mount".
* HenpeckedHusband:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/marriage-bedding/ Um...my wife told me to?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-saw-his-opportunity-and-he-took-it/292781/ This guy]] is continually berated by his wife for unpacking the groceries wrongly at the checkout. When she sends him to replace the cheese, because he got the wrong kind, the next customer in line suggests that he's not coming back.
* HereWeGoAgain: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deja-vu-in-aisle-3/ Deja Vu In Aisle 3]]
* HeteronormativeCrusader:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
** Very disturbingly inverted with [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ this]] woman, who wants her three-year-old son to be gay and is considering facilitating this by ''showing him pornography''. She even manages to make her repeated use of the phrase "I'm very open-minded" sound like a perfect inversion of this trope - that she absolutely '''must''' have a gay son and won't accept any other outcome.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-get-to-a-spork-in-the-road/309943/ This customer]] is opposed to sporks because they're a blend of "the masculine fork and the feminine spoon" in an attempt to force a blurred-gender agenda on society.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/straight-up-violence/127901/ This mother]] demands that someone else serve her because she seems to think that if her son is served by someone who's gay, it'll make ''him'' gay. Then, when she sees a female worker be brought lunch by her girlfriend, she screams at them and when her son reacts, she slaps him.
* HiccupHijinks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-small-charge-to-cure-the-hiccups/ This customer]] deliberately complains about a non-problem in order to give an employee a scare--because said employee has the hiccups. The employee isn't particularly happy about it, but it does seem to work since the hiccups are gone after the customer leaves.
* HideYourLesbians: Taken up to eleven [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ here]]. This woman seems to think gay men are simply some "stupid liberal conspiracy".
* {{Hipster}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ Righteous Indie-nation]]
* HistoricalCharacterConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-art-of-ignorance/ No, I mean Machiavelli.]] They don't. Unfortunately, the museum guide never even figures out who they ''are'' talking about!
* HitlerAteSugar: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-teen-evils-4/71589/ Parodied.]] Skittles are EVIL?
* HobbesWasRight: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-long-line-of-the-law/ It’s a shame]] that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.''
* HoistByHisOwnPetard: A rare real-life example [[http://notalwaysright.com/between-a-rock-and-a-hard-head/ here]]. And it's hilarious to boot.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ And this one.]] An old principle, BTW... but the backfire seems original.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-people-drive-you-to-drink/ A woman]] who kept hitting a customer with her shopping cart because she thought the customer was a drunk ends up slamming her cart onto a shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mile-high-blood-pressure/ Had this hotheaded passenger]] calmed down and not swore at and insulted the crew and passengers on the plane, the police wouldn't have been called to meet him outside the plane - nor would they have arrested him after running a check on the passenger's name and finding out he was a wanted criminal. And all of this fuss was because the crew no longer had the type of sandwich he wanted.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-for-her-math-students/ A bookstore manager]] calls a math teacher to tell her the check she used to pay for the books she bought was insufficient. But the manager learns the teacher earlier returned the books to the bookstore and got a cash refund. However, because the books were never actually paid for in the first place due to the bounced check, the teacher technically committed check fraud and stole money. Despite many attempts to ask the teacher to return the money to settle this issue, the teacher stubbornly refuses to listen or understand, believing the bookstore was trying to rob her and threatening to sue them. In the end, the teacher was found guilty in court and not only had to pay back the money she stole, but also the fine and court fees as well with her reputation ruined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-old-hack-and-a-credit-card-hack/ This customer]] ends up being caught for many counts of identity theft and credit card fraud because, in the process of trying to get a store's manager to let him look at their batch report, he got loud and angry enough at them for refusing (since said batch report also had many other customers' full credit card numbers on it) that they called the cops on him - who found him yelling at ''another'' manager elsewhere in the mall for probably the same reason. If he had been anything less than your typical screaming NAR customer, he would still be on the loose, possibly with another stolen identity.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/avoiding-spring-bathroom-break/80070/ This drunk patron]] told the bar staff he was cheating on their a $1 pitcher of beer promo without going to the toilet by revealing how he cheated.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-car-is-on-the-highway-to-hell/144991/ This customer]] insults the religion of the mechanic working on their car and demands not to be serviced by that mechanic. The owner of the garage obligingly [[BotheringByTheBook cancels the oil change]]... [[HumiliationConga in the middle of the procedure, forcing the customer to hire a tow truck to take their now inoperable car to a different garage]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This]] amazing tale of a man who calls the police on a store that won't refund a product that he bought from an entirely different business. As the man smugly expects the manager to beg him to call the police off, the manager wearily explains to him that if the only way he'll believe that you can't return products to the wrong store is if the police tell him, then so be it. The man immediately turns pale, stammers "You... you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I can’t talk to the police!", and flees.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/her-thinking-she-can-sue-you-is-a-true-final-fantasy/250532/ This woman]] demanded the submitter changed the name of her jewelry store's Facebook page as it has the same name as her own which the woman seems to believe only she has that kind of the name and the submitter "stole" her name despite the fact said name is actually a Hindu name and has been around for a long time. When the submitter refuses, tries, and fails to explain to the woman and later block her on Facebook for harassment, the entitled woman began posting fake reviews and calling the submitter a liar, thief, and her jewelry ugly. Her antics instead made the store more popular as everyone found the woman's rant hilarious and buy jewelry from the submitter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-know-where-this-is-going-but-its-satisfying-all-the-same/285731/ This businessman]] won't let the server get a word in edgeways when he demands six of the restaurant's best whiskeys, which bites him when the bill comes around because the addition of those drinks pushes it well into the thousands of dollars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-can-candy-crush-his-little-heart-not-me/290088/ This mother]] attempts to make her tantruming child blame the cashier rather than her because he's not allowed any chocolate. This promptly backfires as the cashier ''gives'' the child permission to get chocolate, going so far as to purchase it with their own money.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-the-chargeback-comes-back-to-bite-you/298816/ This customer]] on a buy/sell website sends a rude e-mail demanding an off-site refund on a handbag for what ultimately prove to be spurious reasons, and threatening to file a chargeback (reversing the credit card debt due to breach of contract). When she carries out the threat -- despite the seller ''agreeing'' to a refund -- the seller appeals and wins. When she returns the handbag anyway, the seller checks the website policy, and discovers that, following a failed chargeback, ''they couldn't give a regular refund even if they wanted to''.
* HolierThanThou: A common problem when some bigoted, elitist, or sexist, or any combination, uses religious scripture to justify their intolerance. They pointedly do '''not''' take it well when contrary scripture is used against them, even from superiors from their local denomination. Especially the trope namer, the passage from the book of Exodus.
* HomemadeFlamethrower: Two stories have a customer purchase a squirt gun, lighter fluid, and a barbecue starter/matches, respectively, both times to deal with a wasp infestation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/lt-ripley-goes-shopping/ "Lieutenant Ripley Goes Shopping"]], the narrator tells them the store's out of bug spray, so the customer decides to whip up a flamethrower in desperation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/terminate-this-purchase/ "Terminate this Purchase"]], the customer's too cheap to hire an exterminator.
* HopelessWithTech: A disturbing amount of customers seem to have no idea how to use technology.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-step-forward-eight-steps-back/139012/ This man]], for instance, doesn't know how to operate the forward and backward arrows on Internet Explorer.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-craziest-caller-you-ever-saw/282274/ This man]] can't figure out how to connect his computer to an external hard drive and figures the only way to do so is to connect the hard drive to the ''inside'' of the computer. In order to do this, he ''cuts his tower open with a hacksaw''.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/79059/ this woman]] is told to defrag her computer to "clean it up," she takes that to mean ''put it in her dishwasher''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-bet-hard-cash-that-people-cant-be-that-stupid/141198/ This customer]] tries to hand cash to a call centre over the phone… by ''stuffing the cash into her phone's case'', somehow convinced that would somehow transmit the money to the caller.
** It takes ''fifteen minutes'' to get [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-totally-spaced-out/191309/ this genius]] to learn where his ''space bar'' is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] seems to think that putting her phone in any old rice will fix her phone – her phone that isn't water-damaged, but has a ''cracked screen''.
** An entire ''family'' of them in [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-cant-fix-it-even-if-you-have-the-coin/276704/ this story]]. When the games they were playing on their computer asked them to "insert [virtual] coins," they ''cut coin slots into their computer''.
** The customer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/itll-take-a-lot-more-than-fan-assisted-cooling-to-deal-with-this-hot-head/298246/ this story]] was asked to open his computer. Though the submitter doesn't have to deal with him, they overhear their coworker reaming him over the phone for using '''a blowtorch''' to do so.
* HospitalityForHeroes: Several cases of an awesome customer stepping in to deal with an abrasive or rude one getting assorted freebies or discounts from the store they're in.
* HumanAliens: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-commute-must-be-out-of-this-world/ Meet Qinjax]], age 270. Or 45 [[TwoOfYourEarthMinutes in Earth years]], where he's named Andrew.
* HumansAreBastards: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-two-intergalactic-evils/ Not that]] the [[VideoGame/DestroyAllHumans alternative]] is better.
* HumansAreFlawed: For all the horrible customers, there's also [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/awesome-customers an entire section of customers who are awesome]], whether by putting the bad customers in their place, doing something extra nice for the employee, simply being incredibly entertaining, or something else entirely.
* HumanityIsInsane: You ''really'' have to wonder how some of the customers manage to survive despite being almost completely disconnected from reality.
* HumiliationConga:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/giving-new-meaning-to-the-term-cheap-date/186115/ This high schooler's]] attempts to coerce (read: bully) his way into a free lunch at a local restaurant in order to impress his girlfriend fall apart when the owner and employees refuse to cave into his demands, and the jock's attempts to save face in front of his (increasingly embarrassed) date just make him look worse until it's revealed that he didn't even bring any money with him ''at all'' and he has to call his dad over to come bail him out, all while he gets berated by the other patrons at the restaurant (as well as his father when he gets there). And even after that, the kid refuses to admit defeat and posts an aggressively negative review about the restaurant that not only ends up getting himself further humiliated but ends up running off a bunch of his father's clients when they learn about it and [[YouAreGrounded gets himself severely grounded]] by his father as a result.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-even-your-husband-wants-to-teach-you-a-lesson/232738/ The woman in this story]] throws a shit-fit over losing out on five bucks due to an expired coupon. The cook demands that she either pay a generous tip and apologize to her family and the other customers for her tantrum or have the police called on her and get ticketed for disorderly conduct. She bolts and her husband quite deliberately leaves her driver's license behind as he departs. When she returns the next day to collect it, the owner passive-aggressively mocks her, and the cook reiterates the threat and forces her to comply. One of the comments directly refers to what happened as a Humiliation Conga.
* HurricaneOfExcuses:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/menage-a-fraud/ This story.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/computers-increase-the-chance-of-identity-theft-2/71240/ This bizarre example]] is this trope crossed with ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections. In one conversation, the customer claims to be a lawyer, an assistant attorney general, a board member of the chain, ''and'' the owner's nephew.
--->'''Customer:''' Do you have any idea who I am?!\\
'''Submitter:''' Do ''you''?
* HurricaneOfPuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-pun/ seen here]].
* HuskyRusskie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This guy]], though he intentionally plays up his Russian accent to scare the bejeezus out of a creepy guy who keeps calling a local pizzeria to make disturbing sexual comments.
* {{Hypocrite}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bag-of-chipocrisy/ Isn't it so inconsiderate of people to just open up the food and eat it in the store?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/effective-marketing/ "By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches."]]
** In general, there's a large number of customers who outright refuse to listen to or acknowledge what the employee is telling them, usually to continue to demand a particular product or service that the employee is directly informing them isn't available... and then berate the employee for not listening to them when their demands are unmet. Such as [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-card/ this chap.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-steak-on-rare-occasions/ This person]] wanted an extremely rare steak, and then, when the meat was uncooked, proceeded to say, "I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! Come on honey, let's go to that sushi place next door!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ This guy]] walks into an adult store in L.A. He is shocked to see that the cashier is a woman and immediately shouts that she should StayInTheKitchen, and then calls her a heathen for having a wife, and then immediately forgets the entire incident and asks her if they stock bibles. In an adult store. Like the title of that quote says, [[OnlyInAmerica "Only In L.A."]]
** "I'm an adult! Don't you [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ judge me!]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/socially-acceptable/ ObamaCare is evil Socialism! Do you mind if I pay with food stamps?]]
** Your employee didn't help my pregnant wife carry her groceries and pack them in the car! Me? [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words/ I was sitting in the car waiting for her; what's that got to do with anything]]?
** Using a machine is ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread! [[http://notalwaysright.com/loathe-of-bread-3/ No, use the machine -- I'm in a big rush.]]
** When a customer overhears an employee tell someone else that a theater is being cleaned, she mishears "Cleansed," and begins to shout how she doesn't want to be in a theater that practices all that "New age spiritual witchcraft stuff." [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-sense-toil-and-trouble/ And then goes to see Season of the Witch.]]
** After this guy has been delaying taking his wife, who is in labor, to the hospital to argue about a discount on a duffel bag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words-part-3/ "Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!"]]
** Cars shouldn't park in a parking lot if they have nothing to do with the store. [[http://notalwaysright.com/parking-up-the-wrong-tree/ It's taking up the spaces this guy's dinner guests use.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ "I'm working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/practice-what-you-preach-please/ Mommy forgot to say please.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/ This is a particularly obvious example..]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-jim-crow-one/ "Takes One To Jim Crow One"]].
** If it were taken any further, [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-must-be-smoking/ this mother]] would border on abusive.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/somebody-took-an-evolutionary-detour/ Don't you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else's conversation?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-a-fine-one-to-talk/ She still talks and talks]]...
** Why would your parents name you after an animal? [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-game-of-kat-and-birdie/ You should have a good sturdy name like Birdie.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-argument-just-went-up-in-smoke/ This]] customer complains about how energy drinks are unhealthy and should be banned... then buys some cigarettes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-a-sense-of-irony/ "People who lose expensive things don't deserve them!"]]... says the woman who retrieved her [=iPhone 4=] from the lost & found.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/c-is-for-coffee-cigarettes-and-cluelessness/ "Stop putting cancer in your coffee!"]]... says the smoker.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-the-earth-7-mpg-at-a-time/ This woman]] insists on no bags in the name of the environment. She drives an SUV.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-bow-down-to-your-desires/72403/ This employee]] wears a badge that says 'Talk dirty to me' at work. Yet when a customer actually talks mildly dirty to her, she feels uncomfortable.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-always-need-directions-part-4/ This person]] asks a worker which aisle the chips are located. Despite the worker ''repeatedly'' pointing to the chips display ''right in the aisle they're in'', the customer keeps asking for the aisle number, and the worker eventually relents and gives the aisle number. What makes the customer a hypocrite is that she returns and chews the worker out for not saying that the chips were right there. She should try listening next time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/recaf-my-decaf/ This man]] complains about a non-caffeinated drink, claiming that the pizza place must have put caffeine in it. What does he want as a replacement? A caffeinated drink.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-rude-a-blabbering/ This gabber]] holds up a checkout line by talking on her cell phone, and not listening to the cashier when prompted for extra information. When the cashier finally gives up and moves on to the next customer, the gabber has the gall to call the cashier rude! Yes, ''that's'' rude, and holding up the checkout line for five minutes and ignoring the cashier ''isn't''. [[ItsAllAboutMe Flawless logic, that]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-5/ This person]] completely flips out when the caller slightly mispronounces a location name and messes up the person's nationality, but insists that South Africa is also Zimbabwe. They'll correct others' mistakes but refuse to admit when they've got it wrong.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-let-it-get-to-her-head/ This person]] refuses to buy a hair treatment product that was used and requests an unopened bottle... even though ''she'' was the one to use it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cotton-pickers/ This woman]] touches some cotton candy despite a sign saying not to. The worker says that she has to buy it... but she doesn't want to, because she touched it. What.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-homo-critical-are-hypocritical/ "Homosexuality is a sin!"]]... says the man in line to purchase lesbian porn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-argument-isnt-loaded/ Customer says he has medical issues]] preventing him from lifting stuff — completely legit and justified. Worker says she has medical issues preventing her from lifting stuff — she's lying and lazy. The best part is that another customer [[ConvictionByContradiction calls out the first one on his bluff]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-4/ This mother]] won't let her kid get ''VideoGame/CallOfDutyBlackOps'', but lets him get ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV'' without hesitation.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/and-the-children-shall-lead-2/ "Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line?"]]… says the woman who engaged in childish antics to get ahead in line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-the-crema-of-the-crop-part-2/ I'm cutting down on sugar!]] Now get me a coffee with toffee, hazelnut, and extra cream.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-number/ This woman]] absolutely refuses to give her phone number to anyone... unless it's for a rewards program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-an-oaf-about-the-loaf-part-2/ This pizza store owner]] demands a free sandwich because the restaurant he's ordering from doesn't have one specific thing he wants on it. The cashier asks him how he would respond if a customer came into his pizza place and acted the way he's acting. [[EntitledBastard He responds by filing a formal complaint.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quick-to-find-fault-with-being-quick-to-finding-fault/ I wasted a lot of my valuable time on this superfluous call!]] Now I'm going to complain about how much of my time you wasted for ten more minutes!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ This woman]] criticizes an adult woman for buying ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'', but says no one has the right to criticize her for buying her nine-year-old son a ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'' game since her purchases are no one else's business.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cannot-speak-the-language-of-respect/ These high school boys]] demand to be treated with respect, while throwing childish tantrums because an older couple dared to speak a language other than English within earshot of them. They then complain about a time when they themselves visited Mexico and the locals continued speaking Spanish, [[ItsAllAboutMe rather than immediately learning English to make said boys' lives easier]]. When it later turns out they were at the restaurant to apply for jobs, [[LaserGuidedKarma they are immediately kicked out over this display]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/past-the-point-of-no-return/ This customer]] repeatedly fails to grasp the concept of "This is a bookstore, you don't have to return your book" and calls the worker "thick" for repeatedly saying so… then turns around and hypocritically {{Stealth Insult}}s the worker by saying very slowly, "I’m sorry to have told you that you were thick. I should have realised you were special.”
** A customer gets offended when the cashier attempts to sell her some ''Film/HarryPotter'' [=DVDs=] because [[http://notalwaysright.com/missed-the-magic-of-the-magic-kingdom/ "Any movie that delves into magic is Satan’s movies!”]]... But the movies she does buy include ''WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast'' and ''WesternAnimation/{{The Little Mermaid|1989}}'', which of course both heavily involve magic.
** Two girls cut in line and refuse to move to the back. When another customer asks an employee to make them move to the back, they punch him. When he threatens to call the cops, they sneer at him for "hiding behind the cops" because he's "[[TemptingFate too scared to fight]]", and punch him again... [[https://notalwaysright.com/way-out-of-line/ "Wait, how DARE you defend yourself when I punch you again! I'm calling the cops!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/critical-about-their-marriage-is-hypocritical/59361/ This Navy officer]] claims that a sailor is [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence defiling the sanctity of his marriage]] because he's not getting married in a Christian church, and then proceeds to cheat on his own wife with the daughter of a Rear Admiral.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-give-you-a-badge-for-that/154104/ This mother]] demands that her daughter join a Boy Scout troop (implied to have occurred before the BSA accepted girls) for being useless around the house in spite of the daughter in question being the only one in the family working, and not interested in joining. When the mother is taken to court for attempted assault and disturbance of the peace (because the submitter and the Scoutmaster refused on the grounds of her being female), the daughter sums up the issue nicely:
--->'''Daughter:''' “Frankly, she was always overzealous about others’ actions, but never considered her own. Personally, I think she deserves it.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/beware-of-geeks-bearing-gifts/191195/ This tech support customer]] constantly belittles the guys working on clearing his laptop of viruses with geek stereotypes, including that they all live [[BasementDweller in their mothers' basements]]. Their revenge hinges on the realisation that he ''does'' live with his mother.
* HypocriteHasAPoint: [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] actually tries to ''invert it''. Even if "Customer" honestly believes Donald Trump is the most racist, sexist, and evil human being to walk the Earth, this does not excuse him hurling racial slurs and ''making death threats'' [[DisproportionateRetribution for being asked, politely, to not shout obscenities in a library, or leave quietly]], by the white library staff member.
-->''[[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections I’m the son of a black panther,]] you f*** honky! I’ve been shot twice, stabbed twice, and I’ll be more than happy to do the same to you if you don’t f*** off and leave me alone!''
* HypocriticalHumor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ This]] mother criticizes a daycare worker for having a tattoo on her foot. The woman then leans over to reveal a tramp stamp. "I’m an adult! Don’t you judge me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-in-a-handbag/ This Christian lady]] accuses the non-Christian clerk of stealing profits from the store, only to then be caught attempting to shoplift.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/treating-them-im-parcel-ly-is-only-polite/ “You should learn to f*** speak to people more politely, b***!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-yuppity-with-me/ This customer]] tries to be a ThirdPersonPerson and a GrammarNazi at the same time. You can imagine how effective it is.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/skating-past-bigotry-into-racism/ This skateboarder]] refuses to let a specific employee touch his board solely because she's female, then threatens to sue them for discrimination when they kick him out for insulting the employees. The coworker who forced him out — who is black like the customer — lampshades it with a "good luck with that, mate."
** A customer castigates another customer for ordering at a fast-food restaurant because [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-a-side-order-of-hypocrisy/ "All the food here is crap!"]]... then they order something too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pot-calling-the-kettle-everything/ “You Mexicans are all the same, never bothering to think that maybe there are more types of Asians than just Chinese people.”]] For extra irony, the waiter who the customer was complaining about was from Puerto Rico, and the manager he was addressing was from Peru.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ The mother of one of the most polite customers ever featured on the website]] tries to tell him that his manners are terrible because he's being polite to a cashier.
** This [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-race-to-be-at-the-place/ one customer]] complains that she's in a big hurry, and has somewhere she needs to be, wishing the customer in front of her would ''just hurry up''. When it's her turn in line, she then spends the next ten minutes counting out her entire purchase in loose change. And the ''"somewhere she needs to be in a big hurry"''? The lamppost just outside so she can talk on her cellphone.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/knock-your-socks-off/ "I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn't the reason she was fired."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-chequered-credit-history/ This guy]] goes off on a spiel about how his family has owned every pharmacy in town for a century, and how his family has more money than the entire mall he's in, because they don't accept checks anymore. When he shuts up long enough to try using a credit card, it is promptly declined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-snow-one/ This customer]] complains about a store being understaffed due to the snow, noting he's glad the slow moving isn't making him late for work. When the worker asks the customer why they're not at work, the response is, "Duh, the snow! Maybe you’ve noticed it? Are you blind or just stupid?!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/two-can-whine-for-ten-dollars/ This guy]] thinks "2 can dine for $9.99" on a coupon somehow means ''taking off'' ten dollars from the price, rather than paying only ten dollars instead of the actual value. The store he's trying this at in the story is the ''second'' one to explain this is not the case, and he still walks off muttering about how ''they're'' "too dumb" to honor the coupon.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tis-the-season-for-unreason/ "Well, I’m just going to take my money elsewhere.]] Somewhere they will appreciate my business. Such at [[ThisIsGonnaSuck [Big Box Store notorious for its terrible customer service].]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sudden-flood-of-laundry/ This customer]], in the same breath that she claims the submitter is being lazy for following the laundromat's policy, admits that she doesn't want to do her own laundry, she wants someone else to do it for her. Even better is she spends an ''hour'' trying to get him to do it for her, even though she claimed both that she needed the whole load done by then and that her own washer and dryer at home could have done so.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tat-settles-that/ This customer]] turns out to be a few dollars short for what turns out to be tobacco and cigarettes, but then she immediately flies off the handle at the submitter offering to help her pay for it because he's buying cigarettes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/freeze-turn-around-and-go-back/127130/ A customer at a convenience store]] spots an employee closing the sliding door to the ice cream freezer after another customer left it open for the umpteenth time and remarks that it annoys them and must annoy the employee when people leave the freezer door open to potentially ruin the ice cream inside. Guess what the customer does after getting their ice cream?
[[/folder]]
[[folder:I–J]]
* IAlwaysWantedToSayThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/strange-ambitions/ "Why would anyone bother having different kinds of coffee?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/ "I missed the only time in my life when I could have asked someone if they called that a knife."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/satisfaction-is-surely-assured/ "Don't call me Shirley!]] ''*laughs*'' [[Film/{{Airplane}} I've waited for years to make that joke!]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dovahkiins-day-off/74018/ "FUS RO DAH!"]] Funnily enough, he actually does manage to hurl the would-be thief about ''a half meter away.''
* IAmAHumanitarian: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hannibal-special/ I would like the human plate.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* IAmNotShazam[[invoked]]: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-clue-at-the-zoo/ Someone does this with]] ''Franchise/{{Madagascar}}'', of all things. [[invoked]]
* IAmNotSpock:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-there-anything-that-guy-cant-do/ "No, I look for movie]] Film/ForrestGump where [[Creator/TomHanks he]] gets Film/{{big}}."
* IAmSpartacus: Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of their stores.
* IAmVeryBritish: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintentional-prejudice-is-still-a-kick-in-the-teeth/ Defied.]]
* IAmNotPretty: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/should-stop-giving-herself-a-good-dressing-down/78605/ this story]], a woman comes in with her husband looking for a dress to wear at a military ball, but is convinced that she needs to lose more weight because she's just had a baby, even though she already has a great figure. The submitter convinces her to try on a mermaid cut halter dress, and when she puts it on, she looks (in the submitter's exact words) "drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous."
-->'''Customer:''' I don’t kn—
-->'''Husband:''' ''(knocks over chair jumping up)'' THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE! ''(under his breath)'' ...and after the ball, we can make a sibling for the baby.
* IAteWhat: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/tasty-is-tasty-friend/262633/ this story]], a customer at a buffet brunch place has been regularly consuming what she believes to be "breakfast soup". It's actually a mixture of the mushroom gravy their burgers (made from a mixture of ground beef and pork sausage) are served in, the large amount of hot grease released by said burgers, and the bread their tray was lined with -- which was there to soak up the grease, not to be eaten. Upon learning this, she turns bright red and doesn't come back for another six months -- and when she does, she doesn't have any more "breakfast soup". Amusingly, many of the commenters think it sounds absolutely delicious, albeit a NutritionalNightmare.
* ICallItVera:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-a-bullet-point-about-bertha/ Bertha the shotgun.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ Boris the Russian accent]].
* ICantBelieveItsNotHeroin:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-say-to-mah-to-i-say-pot-tah-to/ "Yeah, I have mites on my, uh... tomato plants."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/jonesin-for-some-pepperoni/ "It's as though you people put crack in it! So do you put crack in it?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/ "The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it's very bad for little girls like me."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/recipe-for-disaster-2/72446/ This one]] combines this with FreudianSlip.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/for-when-the-coffee-just-isnt-enough/156517/ This person]] misplaces a box containing their medication and then offers the employee and a coworker ''ketamine.'' [[note]] Ketamine is used as an antidepressant, but can also be used as a horse analgesic as stated by the submitter. [[/note]]
* IDontPayYouToThink: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-crazy-requests-reach-the-stratosphere/ "When Crazy Requests Reach the Stratosphere"]] - "You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up."
* IHaveBoobsYouMustObey: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-not-that-kind-of-flash-pass/ This girl.]] It was worth a try...
** Works like a charm for [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ this woman]]. But not on the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ This girl]] attempts one. [[ExcrementStatement It quickly goes downhill from there]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-daddys-little-girl-straight/ This girl]] tries one too. It doesn't work, because the cashier is gay. Even if he hadn't been, her dad saw the whole thing.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This girl]] also tries it on a gay guy, then freaks out once he explains because she thinks "gay = pervert", and she doesn't want a ''pervert'' looking at her boobs. She seems completely incapable of understanding that he's not ''interested'' in her boobs.
* IKnowKungFaux: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/i-know-crazy/ I don't know karate, but I do know 'crazy' and I'm not afraid to use it.]]"
* IKnowMortalKombat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sadly-theyre-not-horsing-around/304862/ This tourist.]]
* ILoveTheDead: [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ OH GOD NO!]]
* INeedAFreakingDrink:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/finally-closes-the-sale/ "Who's buying the first round?"]] Said after finally closing the store, nearly half an hour past the stated closing time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-most-connected-of-families/ "I drank a lot after that shift."]] This after, in the submitter's words, having to basically explain every single technological advance related to the Internet, twice, to people who have absolutely no understanding of what the Internet is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/take-shot-dark/105239/ This guy's roommate]] apparently needed this in the middle of the night. Too bad the "drink" he found in the medicine cabinet was a friend's ''contact lenses!''
* INeedToGoIronMyDog: Many examples. Some people don't even have any sort of excuse and just run away in embarrassment.
* INeverSaidItWasPoison:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-woes/ This customer]] is asked to have his bag inspected after a camera was stolen. He immediately flies off the handle at the security guard for daring to accuse him of stealing a camera — forgetting that the guard only ever referred to it as a "stolen item".
** Among other contradictory excuses, [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ this doctor]] claims that the dogs he may or may not have never attacked anybody. The caller hadn't mentioned anything about dogs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-the-truth/304161/ This customer]] called his credit card company to dispute charges made on his card, stating that he was a "good Christian husband" who would never have gone to a Las Vegas strip club. There was nothing on the statement to indicate either the type of business or the business location [[note]]though the poster could tell from their computer system that, yep, these charges ''were'' from a Vegas strip club[[/note]]. When the poster asked the customer how he knew the charges were for a Las Vegas strip club, the man stammered briefly and hung up.
* IRejectYourReality:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/off-color-off-camera-remark/ This bizarre woman]]. Despite the bookshop worker having confirmation, including camera footage, that the woman did not leave her wallet at the counter but kept it in her bag, she refused to accept that as proof and insisted she left her wallet at the bookshop counter.
--->'''Submitter:''' "It's quite clear on the camera."\\
'''Woman:''' "Oh, I don't care what's on the camera."\\
'''Submitter:''' "[[StunnedSilence …]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-bad-sign-when-they-destroy-the-sign/126773/ This woman]] thinks that throwing away the signs saying that the customer service desk is closed means that the desk will automatically become open.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-brain-is-clearly-fried/ This man]] doesn't see fries listed on the condensed menu of a restaurant in a mall's food court and comes to the conclusion that the restaurant must not have fries, even after the cashier states repeatedly that they not only ''do'' have fries but mentions in the narration that said menu does, in fact, have fries listed on it in a few places.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/opinions-erase-facts/148555/ This customer]] thinks the company he's calling has always had a fifty dollar free shipping offer for over eighty years despite the submitter pointing out the company has never had such an offer and the company has only been around for twenty years, which the customer refuses to believe and kept saying "I'm right, you're wrong!" to justify his delusions.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-answer-to-their-question-is-just-crickets/155229/ This woman]] insists that her dying smoke detector is a cricket infestation in her house...[[TheyJustDontGetIt even after the smoke detector is fixed]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wherever-the-taxi-went-we-hope-it-was-away/176895/ This motel owner]] tries to find out where a female customer took a taxi to. Never mind why he wants to know that. Giving out this information is ''illegal'' per the Privacy Act, but the man refuses to believe such a law exists.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-relation-into-relationship-part-6-2/77100/ This woman]] is so sure the couple she's approached are siblings that when they kiss to prove otherwise, she cries incest.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-literally-what-security-cameras-are-for-lady/218760/ This woman]], after being caught shoplifting, claims that since she "didn't consent to being recorded on security cameras", [[InsaneTrollLogic she can't be arrested for shoplifting]]. [[TooDumbToLive She even called the police on the OP]], who promptly arrested her [[LaserGuidedKarma for attempted theft]].
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/does-she-know-french-fries-come-from-potatoes/253234/ this lady]], if it isn't fried chicken, ''it isn't chicken''. How does that even work?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-be-lonely-and-broke/282864/ This man]] is continually being scammed out of his money because he refuses to believe that he is not in fact communicating and sending money to his girlfriend Music/RitaOra. By the time the bulk of the story takes place he's been doing it for three years; the bank ends up closing his account when even the head of the fraud department can't convince him that his money is being stolen.
* IResembleThatRemark: A lot. [[http://notalwaysright.com/if-by-everyone-you-mean-morons-like-yourself/ Here's one.]]
* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: {{Lampshade|Hanging}}d [[http://notalwaysright.com/cause-for-pregnant-pause-part-6-3/ here.]]
-->'''Submitter:''' ''(to the problem-customer's daughter)'' ...I'm not saying that's for everyone but you don't want to wake up one day to find you're 50, miserable, bigoted, and rude.\\
'''Problem Customer:''' I'm only 42!\\
'''Submitter:''' [[SarcasmMode I'm sure that's what your daughter will remember about today.]]
* IWantGrandkids: [[http://notalwaysright.com/get-thee-to-a-nursery/ Get Thee To A Nursery]]! Maybe she will eventually meet [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-mothers-love/ this guy?]]
* IWantMyJetpack: [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-phones-not-much-to-look-at/ Stealth cellphones]].
* IWarnedYou: [[http://notalwaysright.com/weighed-down-by-your-thumbs-up/ This customer]] bought eighty 80-pound bags of cement, and tried to put them in the bed of his pickup truck all at once. The clerk and the manager told him several times that his truck would get crushed under the weight, and when the customer said it'd be fine, the manager told him to do a thumbs-up to a camera just to prove he was certain about hauling 6,400 pounds of cement in his truck. When the rear end of the truck gives out from the weight, the customer is brushed off when he demands the store replace his truck, telling him that he gave consent to load his truck with the cement even after being warned that this is exactly how it would end up, and they had video with audio of him giving this consent to prove it.
* IdiotBall: Some of these moments consist of otherwise intelligent customers having ditz moments. A few times, the customer has submitted their ''own'' ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-benefits-from-the-benefits-card/ An example featuring both the employee and the customer holding the ball.]]
* IdleRich:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-your-industrial-hose-in-a-twist/161563/ "One of our customers is a real estate developer — known to have too much money, too much free time, and an attitude — who owns lots of commercial property."]] Near the end of the story, it's mentioned that the customer in question likes to stand around at his properties and watch them make him money.
** Seems to be the case with [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ this woman,]] who has a BSOD when she encounters the submitter - a pupil at her daughter's expensive school - working as a cashier to make extra money. (She later complains to the school, unsuccessfully, that people like the submitter shouldn't be mingling with "real students".)
--->'''Schoolmate's Mother:''' I've never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.
--->'''Schoolmate:''' Mom... that's not the flex you think it is.
* IfICantHaveYou: Seems to be the attitude of [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-cant-handle-their-sugar/76496/ this customer]] towards the beverages her doctor's told her she can no longer drink, destroying an aisle full of cola products while ranting about not being able to drink it. Thankfully security leads her out before she can reach the whiskey.
* IllKillYou: Said by [[http://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ this]] egomaniac customer. Mercifully, security stops her before anything can come of it.
* IllPretendIDidntHearThat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-is-what-we-call-a-texas-goodbye/239720/ This call center worker]] hangs up on a caller who is racist and abusive, despite having specific rules against doing so. A supervisor peeks into their cubicle, [[OhCrap revealing he'd been monitoring the call]]... and pointedly laments how awkward it is when calls "accidentally" drop like that.
* IllTakeThatAsACompliment: The attitude of the staff to being told they are all [[http://notalwaysright.com/flattery-is-fully-charged/ too attractive]].
* ImTakingHerHomeWithMe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fritzl-be-one-of-those-days/ ...before anyone else will!]]
* TheImmodestOrgasm: [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-whole-lot-of-noise-about-it/ That went on for over thirty minutes!]]
* ImmuneToDrugs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-to-great-pains/ This patient]]. Combined with low pain tolerance, this causes problems for the hospital.
* ImplausibleDeniability:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ask-a-stupid-question-part-2/ Nope.]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This man]] tries to return a library book that has clearly been chewed by a dog, insisting that it was like that when he checked it out (despite the librarian pointing out that they wouldn't check out a book in that state) and it couldn't have happened in his house since he doesn't own a dog. The book in question? ''A puppy-training manual.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-word-is-mud/178295/ This man]] insists that his son never wore the shoes that he is trying to return in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, namely that the shoes are absolutely caked with mud and the son vocally talking about all the places he has worn the shoes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/talking-sideways-to-get-out-of-it/236463/ This woman]] leaves her two daughters (one of whom is 12, the other a ''baby'') in a hot car while she goes shopping. Desperate for some fresh air, the older daughter tries to roll the window down and accidentally knocks it into gear, causing it to roll into the side of another car. The mother repeatedly insists [[NeverMyFault the other car must have run into hers]], despite the fact that it would have to have been moving ''sideways'' to hit it that way.
* ImpossiblePickleJar: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-tamper-seals-strength-is-totally-nuts/270044/ this story]], ''multiple'' people try in vain to open a jar of peanuts either with their bare hands or tools from a workbench, only succeeding in opening it when they use a ''vise grip''. Afterwards, one of the individuals writes to the company congratulating them on "the level of security under which you place your Dry Roasted Peanuts".
* ImpossibleTask: There is actually an entire category, "[[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/impossible-demands/ Impossible Demands]]", for things like this. For just a few among ''many'' ridiculous requests...:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-should-also-slice-dice-and-julienne-fries/68299/ This customer]] at a shoe store asks for fancy white heels that also have to be hiking sandals, completely waterproof, super comfortable, and have excellent arch support with no backstraps. The manager laughs her out of the store.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-we-suggest-you-go-to-kentucky/272838/ these women]] walk into a Popeye's when they meant to enter a KFC, they seem to fully expect the cashier to just ''magically'' turn the Popeye's into a KFC right there on the spot when they realize their mistake instead of just...you know, turning around and going to a KFC.
* InJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-deal-of-his-life/ “Yo, b***! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!”]]
* IncompatibleOrientation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-have-incompatible-operating-systems/ Doesn't matter to some people.]]
* InflationaryDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-fence-built-on-magic-beans/ A fence built on magic beans.]]
* InnocentBigot: [[https://notalwaysright.com/age-is-no-excuse-to-slur-your-words/248766/ This child]] thinks the Asian slur they picked up from RacistGrandma is just the store's name and is confused that it upset the shopkeeper. Once he explains that it's a bad word, they apologize.
* InnocentInnuendo: [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-context-is-important/ Why context is important.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/apparently-bad-parenting/ "...Cause you want to be a mother so bad that you had to take my sweet boy!"]]
---> "[[FridgeLogic If I took him, why would I bring him back?]]"\\
"Stop distracting me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/after-this-shes-gonna-need-an-antidepressant/ "Well, I'm older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right."]] Note that she's disputing an expiration date, which is clearly marked on the bottle.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/engage-the-brain-before-the-mouth/ "You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job!"]] Apparently the job the employee was clearly working at while the customer was yelling at her doesn't count.
*** That's also ignoring the fact that pre-marital sex and having babies out of wedlock, by definition, require you to not be married in the first place. As the employee's coworker said, "I don't think she thought about what she just said at all."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/handled-the-change-well/ In this story,]] a customer pays for their movie ticket with pre-counted change held inside a roll of electric tape. Naturally, it takes much longer than necessary for the cashier to count out the change - and then the other customer has the gall to try and file a complaint over how long it took when that is entirely ''their'' fault. Which, of course, the complaining customer [[NeverMyFault cannot possibly wrap his mind around]], as when he is told by a manager that the cashier could have denied them service at any time over this, he reacts by [[DeathGlare glaring at that cashier]] as though they ''did''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-acting-their-sunday-best/ This customer]] starts castigating a cashier at a Christian bookstore for said store being open on Sundays. After a bit of back-and-forth, the cashier asks her how she would buy the things she herself is trying to buy on a Sunday if the store wasn't open. Unlike [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ the last time]] this sort of exchange happened, though, the customer is only briefly stunned by this question before she responds, "It doesn’t matter! You should be closed on Sundays! Now do your job and ring me up!"
** One client was behind in her payments, and she offered to give them some of the paintings she's made instead. When suggested that she sell some paintings for money to pay, the woman said she couldn't because it would result in her having to break up a marriage. According to her, she would have to sleep with a man to get him to buy a painting, and then his wife would find out and divorce him, and it would be all her fault!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-mute-point/ This charming customer]] openly expresses his concerns about the staff of a game store "encouraging" a girl who is mute (due to a throat injury), and insists that they should make her leave...because he believes she's mentally impaired. However, what officially puts his complaints into this territory [[note]]The girl points out that it's common for people to assume that she's mentally handicapped because of her inability to speak[[/note]] is that he seems convinced that the girl will ''make other customers impaired'', as though it was a contagious disease of some sort. In the end, the mute girl got the last laugh.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/direction-dissection/ This hotel guest]] asks for directions, only to completely lose her shit at whoever gives them for telling her what to do. This even applies to written directions printed from the Internet.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-you-to-not-drink/ This guy]] says he doesn't want a drink with his order, since his wife is getting coffee from the other restaurant they share a building with. Not two minutes later, he complains about not getting a drink with his order.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dieters-are-of-a-sweet-disposition/ This customer]] thinks that Regular Soda + Diet Sweetener = Diet Soda.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/h2-on-sale/120369/ This woman]] thinks drinking '''''water''''' is unhealthy and will kill you.
--->The water’s for [my handicapped son]. I don’t drink water. That stuff will kill you.
** Somehow, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-reason-for-complaint/134825/ this woman]] jumps to the conclusion that her local cosmetics store cannot be trusted and immediately severs all ties with them after seeing a drunk man peeing on a bus stop that bore one of the company's ads and assumed he was making an ExcrementStatement about the company.
** As noted under "MissConception," the teenage girl who insists she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian... who has a boyfriend... with whom she's sexually active... but she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian and lesbians can't get pregnant!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/searching-for-alternative-facts/155414/ Somebody paid full price]] (of ''four dollars'') for some ornaments that I was unsuccessfully haggling over? "This is why department stores are going out of business!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-5/157761/ This woman]] wanted to sell some games, but one of them happened to be in the console at the time her family wanted to leave. Rather than turn the console on and eject the disk, they ''brought the console itself in'' so the store people could get the disk from it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-problem-drivers-face-these-days/178979/ This customer]] receives a free car wash voucher for their next visit to a car dealership and somehow comes to the conclusion that the ''only'' reason they would do so is specifically that an employee peed in his car as they were cleaning it and the dealership was trying to cover it up by giving him the voucher.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/adding-to-the-problem/179043/ A customer]] tries to prove they didn't spill coffee on the floor... by deliberately spilling coffee on the floor.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bootleg-logic/191898/ A woman]] doesn't want to spend $20 to see a movie at a theater, so she buys a bootlegged copy of it for $15 dollars from a corner shop rather than waiting for it to come out on home video or digital. However, half of the bootlegged copy was blocked by someone sitting in front of the bootlegger, so the woman went to another place and bought a ''different'' bootlegged copy from a ''different'' store for twenty bucks, but that one was bad, too, so now she is trying to see if the local library has a good copy yet.
--->'''Librarian''': [Patron], forgive me for being skeptical, but did you just hear yourself? You bought two bad bootleg copies for fifteen dollars more than you would have spent at the theater.\\
'''Patron''': Yeah, I just hate spending so much for the theater.\\
'''Librarian''': [[StunnedSilence ...?]]
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/crochet-away-2/239547/ I shouldn’t have to pay for it]] because you don’t have any employees that you need to pay. Besides all my friends will see it and I can give them your info. Of course I should get a ‘finders fee’ every time you sell one–" said by a stranger to the submitter crocheting a wedding veil at a hospital, before being warded off by the submitter's husband.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-all-started-with-a-blue-slushie/246663/ This girl]] demands the submitter pay her child support...because he didn't call her (since the submitter didn't like her due to her bad attitude and helping her friends steal from the store he worked at) and ended hooking up with her ex who got her pregnant. Somehow this is all his fault despite the baby isn't his and therefore not his problem.
** A local journalist develops a theory that a chicken laid an egg with a starburst-shaped pattern on it because [[https://notalwaysright.com/hilarious-eggsplanations/249490/ "the chicken was scared of the eclipse, and she transferred the distress onto the egg somehow"]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-go-tell-my-dad-hes-gay-i-guess/253778/ This client]] rejects a photo of two men working because [[HeteronormativeCrusader they think it's a picture of a gay couple]]. Why? One of them is wearing a polo shirt.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] uses the "put your phone in dry rice" trick. The phone ''isn't'' water-damaged, it has a cracked screen that she expects to spontaneously fix itself.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/people-still-use-directory-inquiries-in-the-digit-al-age/264913/ This caller]] seems to be under the assumption that if you lose two fingers, you lose the ability to dial 911.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-yeah-uh-what/274976/ This woman]] believes that if you don't call attention to calories contained within snack food, they don't exist.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-more-miss-cleo-for-you/67843/ This guest]] is insistent that a hotel employee stole ''something'' of hers – even though she can't find anything missing, and she doesn't even know what the item is. All she knows is that her psychic has told her an employee stole it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-the-new-woke-burger-now-with-even-more-trigger-sauce/295118/ This customer]], upon seeing the eponymous Wendy's mascot for apparently the first time, immediately comes to the conclusion that, rather than a female mascot for a non-UsefulNotes/McDonalds fast food chain, she's a transgender [[Advertising/McDonaldland Ronald McDonald]], resulting in an hour-long transphobic tirade that forces the restaurant to call the police because he's harassing customers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-what-happens-when-you-dont-fork-over-any-leftovers/303475/ This guy]] thinks using a fork makes it hygienic to eat from a store's trash.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/crocodile-dundee-is-picky-with-his-sauces/304785/ This man]] thinks it's perfectly acceptable to taste test food sauces in a store using a huge hunting knife to open the bottles, and is insistent that he's done nothing wrong even as he's being escorted out.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the first store's coupons.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sorry-theres-no-ahole-discount/125976/ This guy]] tries to get a discount based on a price-match, but is told that the item he's trying to get it for isn't eligible. His response?
--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-a-crazy-request-but-a-sty-one/213381/ Your dog gets bathed after rolling around in poo, only to roll around in poo again]]? Clearly it's grounds for a refund!
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-complaint-cuts-no-ice/180090/ this story]], the submitter tells a customer that the ice she's looking for is next to the menswear section. For some reason, this makes the customer think the submitter's mistaking them for a man.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-4-2/310197/ A pet/house-sitting employee]] arrives at a house expecting to look after the owners' dog while they're on vacation but instead finds their ''child'', whose parents have told them that the house-sitter will be feeding them and ferrying them to and from school, and who borrowed a neighbor's dog to trick the sitting company's manager. It baffles the company as to how they thought this would work ''without'' the sitters calling Child Protection Services.
* InsistentTerminology:
** Eating popcorn? Psh. [[http://notalwaysright.com/overutilized-word-underutilized-noggin/ This customer]] prefers the term ''utilize''.
** It's [[http://notalwaysright.com/power-trips-of-ten/ one hundred and thirty-six]]! Not one-three-six!
** Similarly, it's [[http://notalwaysright.com/real-numbers-imaginary-common-sense/ eighty-one thousand, eight hundred and eighteen]]. Not eight-one-eight eighteen or eight-one-eight-one-eight.
** As well, [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-a-muddle-over-the-mobble/ this woman]] insists that not only is the Welsh town Machynlleth properly pronounced ''Mobblegarnith'', but that the Welsh language is "nothing more than silly lies".
** Then we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-a-weird-world-she-has-knitted-for-herself/159385/ this woman]], who enters a craft store and wants to buy blueberries. No, they're not a food. They're long. You knit with them. Neither the OP nor anyone in the comments has been able to figure out what exactly she meant, and she storms out in a huff rather than clarify the request in any way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-meat-between-the-buns-or-her-ears/168336/ This fast food customer]] firmly believes that a plain cheeseburger doesn't have any ''burger'' on it. In other words, what she's trying to order is basically a cheese sandwich. On the bright side, when the OP (another customer) points out the flaw in her logic, she quickly realizes that "I'm an idiot."
* InsultBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/been-called-all-the-names-in-the-hundred-acre-wood/ "You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!"]]
* InterchangeableAsianCultures:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/incheon-further-away-from-the-answer/ "So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It's hard to tell."]]
** Combined with IsThatCuteKidYours and RacialFaceBlindness [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-you-speak-asian-part-3-2/230710/ This customer]] at a Chinese restaurant orders chicken teriyaki (Japanese), then, when told they don't have that, orders butter chicken (Indian). When told they don't do that either, she yells that an "Asian restaurant" should serve "Asian food", and repeats her demand for teriyaki, accusing the server of being a "lazy-a** teenager". Her rants go unheeded, however, and after twenty minutes trying to tell everyone who comes in that the restaurant is awful, she gives up and leaves, attempting to slam the door, [[FailedDramaticExit which knocks her on her backside]].
* TheInternetIsForPorn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-check-out-the-endless-what-people-think-i-do-charts/ ...and pedophiles.]]
* InvertedTrope: Most of the stories are about customers doing stupid things. Occasionally, however, it'll be the employees who goof up. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-pressing-issues/ Like this one,]] when a man with a limp comes in and asks for something "for support." The employee takes him toward the knee braces, when he asks how they help support the testicles. She politely points him toward the jock straps. [[note]]It's still partially the customer's fault for not being specific in the first place.[[/note]]
* {{Irony}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahead-of-the-game/ This customer]] tries to get a return on a stolen game. The game? ''VideoGame/{{Thief}}''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-thief-in-wolfs-clothing/85628/ This customer's dog]] helped himself to a treat at a pet store without the owner noticing (said owner, fortunately, was honest and promptly returned to the store to pay for it once they saw what the dog had done). The dog's name? ''Bandit.''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/listen-to-the-irony-of-the-situation/ This customer]] refuses to get off her cell phone while checking out of a store... while conversing with the friend on the other end about how she finds such activity rude.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly/ The South Park story]] gets ironic when you consider how [[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerandUncut the film]] the mom took her kids to is about how [[KnightTemplarParent Kyle's mom]] started a moral crusade over a movie while having a NeverMyFault attitude.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This customer]] is attempting to return a book that has very obviously been damaged by chewing. The book in question was a ''puppy training manual''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-some-backpack-flack/261807/ This woman]] attempts to sneak a three-year-old child into a museum by hiding him in a very large backpack and ends up getting in trouble with the police when she panics after being caught and claims the child isn't hers. It's noted afterward that admission to museum is free for kids three and under, so the woman went through all of this trouble for nothing.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bacon-lettuce-and-taxes/ "But I don't want tax on my sandwich!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/brings-new-meaning-to-hot-food/ "Not a snack?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-abbreviation-abberation/ "abbreviation?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/weefee-rye-guy/177674/ Another example involving wi-fi er, "wee fee"]].
* IsThatCuteKidYours: More along the lines of "why the hell are you having kids?", there are cases where a customer sees another person with a child and berates them for having children at a young age. In nearly every case, the customer is so wrong.
** Like [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]]. A woman accuses a 15-year-old babysitter of having a child after seeing the babysitter and the three-year-old neighbor being watched in the park. Never mind that it would have been impossible for them to be parent and child, given the ages. [[InterchangeableAsianCultures Also,]] ''[[InterchangeableAsianCultures not]]'' [[InterchangeableAsianCultures the same nationality.]]
** Luckily, the younger sister of [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle-part-2/ this sibling pair]] points out the age problem and puts the nosy customer in their place.
** Another [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle/ kid shaming attempt]] here, but an employee intervenes and allows the accused to set the whole record straight. Amusingly, the employee was only expecting something along the lines of "none of your business".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/chose-a-bad-example-for-a-bad-example/ Here too]]. Turns out, the kids ''are'' hers, but she's very well off.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-engendered-confusion-part-2/ This customer]] somehow assumed a ''guy'' was a teenage mother.
* IsThisThingStillOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/third-times-a-charm-for-a-two-faced-one-track-mind/ It is]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-account-of-the-nice-attitude/ The ultra-rare somewhat nice version]].
* ItsAllAboutMe: So many customers in these stories seem to take "the customer is always right" to mean "[[EntitledBastard my satisfaction comes first, everybody else here can go to hell]]" – enough in fact to warrant [[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight their own page]].
* ItAmusedMe: The reason [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ this hotel guest]] destroyed a $400 toaster.
-->'''Submitter:''' Why would you put a paper bowl through the toaster?! The sign says bread and English muffins only!”\\
'''Guest:''' "I don't know." ''*giggles*''
* ItSeemedTrivial: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ooh-this-one-is-a-slow-burn/218737/ A flower food maker]] gets a client complaint according to which their product is too acidic. The maker excludes both a manufacturing mistake on their side and a dosage mistake on the client's side. It can't be the water either, because this happens in a country where everyone gets the same ridiculously clean water on tap, and both companies are using it to dilute the product. Four weeks' worth of tests later, both sides are stumped as to what the problem is. Until the client's representative casually mentions the hydrochloric ''acid'' they're adding to the water to prevent bacterial growth.
* ItsForABook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/murder-she-wrote/ This woman]] probably really is writing a book, but it seems to be a weird one.
* ItsPopularNowItSucks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ To the point where]] "popular" is "[[ItsAllAboutMe I've heard about this]]". [[invoked]]
* ItTastesLikeFeet: The complimentary coffee in [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-his-foot-in-his-caffeinated-mouth/178321/ this store]], according to the OP, who works there. Doesn't stop people coming in for it though, because hey, free coffee!
* JarPotty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/cup-runneth-bad-customers/104768/ This boy]] really needed to go to the bathroom while out shopping and his mother let him pee inside a plastic cup. While this normally wouldn't be an issue, the problem was that she left the cup behind a mirror in one of the fitting rooms. Gross...
* JediMindTrick: [[http://notalwaysright.com/voodoo-or-do-not-there-is-no-jedi/ This isn't the resort you're looking for]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-the-seat-save-run-in-less-than-12-parsecs/ Apparently]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/these-are-not-the-coins-you-are-looking-for/ it's]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-force-is-strong-in-this-one/ common.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Enough of a staple of ''Not Always Right'' to warrant [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight its own page]]!
* JerkassRealization: There are a few instances where the customer realizes that they've been a complete jerk to others and make up for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ This]] customer humiliates a server in front of a crowd of people because she's never seen a $2 bill before. He returns later to apologize.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/adopting-an-apologetic-attitude/ This caller]], after berating a medical office worker for following procedure, calls back to apologize for her behavior and say that she understood why the procedure was like that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suite-deal-turns-sour/ This hotel guest]] felt so bad about flipping out at an employee that the guest told the employee's boss about the situation, resulting in a raise and a complimentary penthouse stay for the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saved-from-traffic-not-trafficking/ This woman]], who was convinced that a coworker who saved her kid's life was attempting to kidnap him. The next day, she comes back and apologizes, thanks him, and gives a glowing review to his boss.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-a-backbone-to-stand-up-for-yourself/ This customer]] chews out a woman who parked in a handicapped space, assuming that the woman was perfectly fine and just taking advantage of the privilege. Once the woman rattles off a list of disorders that she has, the customer later apologizes for her behavior and even offers further help.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tivo-side-effects/ This man]], after realizing that he was mistaken about a fast-food promotion and acted quite out of line towards an employee and manager for it, comes back and offers to buy a meal for them.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This kid]] acts hostile towards a store's employee and decides to steal something in revenge. After the employee calls him, he realizes the error of his ways and returns the item, and becomes a more polite regular of the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/capable-of-handicapping-the-capable/ This twentysomething man]] cuts off another person in a parking lot, parking in a handicapped space, despite his car having no such privilege. Once he sees that the person he cut off is a 96-year-old-woman, he helps her into the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-4/ A customer]] who flips out at an employee returns a few days later to apologize for her behavior.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-hair-out-of-place/ This customer]] insults their driver over being a male with long hair, but after the driver explains he donates his hair every year to Locks of Love, the customer apologizes (since he had lost his son to cancer).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/milking-this-deal-for-as-much-as-its-worth/133526/ An elderly man]] bawls out a cashier over not honoring a sale that only takes place on Monday and Tuesday on a Wednesday (thinking it was still good on Wednesdays) and hauls them out to show them that he's right. When it turns out he's not, the embarrassed man admits to reading the sign incorrectly and is calm and friendly for the rest of the transaction.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-calling-out-is-good-for-your-mental-health/137256/ A man]] acting like an EntitledBastard in a restaurant drive-thru over a new trainee multitasking leaves feeling ashamed of himself (and later came in to apologize for his behavior per the word of the submitter in the comments) after the employee serving him indirectly calls him out on his behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/deaf-to-reason-part-11/177542/ This person]] thinks a deaf employee is being lazy and physically attacks her. The customer even goes so far as to try and yank out ''her hearing aid.'' Fortunately the customer realized what they did.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/big-voice-belonging-to-an-eventually-big-person/189345/ A man]] flips his lid and shouts at the submitter when he comes back to get his truck from car service and discovers that [[DisproportionateRetribution the truck's floor mats had been moved from the floorboard of the truck to the back for safety reasons]] and storms out. The next day, he comes back to apologize for his behavior over such a small thing and gives the submitter a large coffee shop gift card.
* JokeAndReceive:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-need-some-irony-supplements/ This customer]] forgets what he's looking for. An employee jokingly asks if he's looking for memory aids, which turns out to be correct.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-all-pretensions/ A customer]] pays for a $70 purchase with 70 single-dollar bills; the cashier jokingly asks if the customer is a stripper, and is surprised by the "yes" answer.
* JustJokingJustification: [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-is-overreaction/ Absolutely skewered here]] via IronicEcho. Sadly, the customer (and said customer's friends) didn't seem to get it.
* JustPlaneWrong: [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-stupidity-to-new-heights-part-4/ This customer]] reacts with dread when he learns his flight from London to Berlin will be in a propeller plane rather than a jet, because "if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!", as if propeller engines are powered by magic and [[NoOntologicalInertia immediately rob whatever they're powering of all forward momentum the very instant they go out]].[[note]]For the record, even if propeller engines are inherently more susceptible to engine failures than jets, passenger planes are designed to glide safely in the event of engine failure so as to reach their destination, or the closest and safest alternative, without risking the safety of the passengers. And furthermore, if the aircraft has multiple engines, then even if one engine fails, the other engine(s) can keep the plane aloft until it reaches the nearest airport.[[/note]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:K-L]]
* KarmicJackpot: When doing kind deeds have rewards:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-into-double-double-trouble/ This guy]], who is having a bad day and has lost his job, chases out someone who was being verbally abusive to an employee. Karma kicks in for him almost immediately when the person behind him pays for both their drinks and tells him they have a job opening for a computer technician, which he gladly takes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-people-are-not-dime-a-dozen/ This university shop worker]] covers for a customer's remaining payment. It turns out the customer had some connections in high places, and the worker is treated to an in-person viewing of Creator/LeonardoDiCaprio.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-lager-for-free-labor/ This employee]] fixes a customer's laptop very quickly and charges nothing for it. The customer returns later with a case of beer as thanks.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lounging-in-the-line/ At an airport on a stormy day]], a customer tries to help move things along by directing all the fliers checking in to the self-check kiosks, so the agents can work on re-booking people whose flights got canceled. When their own flight gets delayed by the foul weather, one of the agents gives them a free lounge pass as thanks for their help.
** After handling a caller who was not only abusive but trying to fraudulently avoid paying car insurance for her teenage son, [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-you-deny-someone-coverage-for-being-a-b/233432/ this agent]] finds out their boss was secretly monitoring their calls for a potential raise, and staying professional and calm for the whole call gets them approved for the highest rate.
** After helping an elderly customer take her groceries to the car and making small talk about their financial goals, [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-thank-you-and-then-theres-literally-putting-your-money-where-your-mouth-is/242031/ this shop worker]] gets a $20 tip from the customer, and then finds out that she went to the store manager and told them to give the worker extra hours so they can afford their goals.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-wanna-be-the-very-best-like-employee-1-never-was/244668/ this story]], the then-teenaged submitter and their brother are regulars at a toy store's weekly ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' card tournament, and soon enough they start showing up early to help set up for the tournament alongside another employee (who couldn't care less about ''Pokémon''). Soon enough the employee just quits showing up to help the kids set up, leaving them to run the whole tournament by themselves. Eventually, after three weeks(!) have passed, the store's staff realize that the submitter and their brother were running everything, but they are so impressed with how good a job they have been doing that they forget about the slacker employee[[labelnote:*]]Nobody ever seems to find out what happened to him, whether he quietly quit his job or spent the morning in the break room while the submitter and their brother ran everything[[/labelnote]] and just hire the submitter to run the ''Pokémon'' tournaments full-time!
--->''To this day, I still have it in my resume that my first job was as a Pokémon Master. The strange thing is that not a SINGLE employer has ever questioned it.''
** While helping a friend shop for clothes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-yet/251343/ this sharp-dressed submitter]] is mistaken for a salesman by another customer. After helping her find an actual employee to answer the question, the store manager appears, compliments the submitter's tact and courtesy in handling the situation, and asks if they want a job (they do, and they start the next week).
** A two-for-one case in [[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-pay-it-forward-to-a-whole-new-level/298544/ this story]]. The store's owner and cashier show compassion to a local homeless man, ensuring he always gets a decent meal and a drink with an instruction to pay what he can, even if it's only a few cents. One night, shortly after the homeless man pays them a visit, the store is attacked by an armed robber, and the homeless man, upon hearing the commotion, immediately runs back in to protect the cashier and store. The homeless man then gets a Karmic Jackpot of his own as his story makes the news and he receives multiple job offers, allowing him to get off the street and get his life back together.
* KarmicNod: After impulsively slapping a teenage hostess's behind and getting whacked in the throat with her clipboard hard enough to draw blood, [[https://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sweet-even-when-its-an-accident/240720/ this guy immediately admits he deserved it]] and tips her a hundred dollars as an apology, as well as continuing to apologize for the rest of the evening.
* KickTheSonOfABitch: [[https://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ This DJ]] gets tired of dealing with a patron who absolutely refuses to wait for the requested song to come up in a queue, storms out, only to storm back in, forcing past security, moments later and starts attacking other patrons with a knife. As the offending patron gets arrested, the DJ plays the requested song "as a parting gift."
* KillerRabbit: "When was your last tetanus shot?" "Let me see... honey, [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-ill-be-ducked/85932/ when was I bit by that duck?]]"
* TheKilljoy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-worry-working-retail-will-do-this-to-you-eventually/294575/ This bizarre customer]] takes issue with a cashier being too happy as they work.
* KindheartedCatLover: The most aggressive cat in the shelter [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-cat-is-gone-in-a-creampuff/135595/ gets adopted by one]], who renames him Creampuff. Most of the shelter workers are convinced [[DeconstructedTrope the adoption will fail and the cat's rehabilitation progress will be ruined]]. [[ReconstructedTrope As OP learns, however, this is very much not the case and he is now a ball of cuddles.]]
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: A lot of customers show up thinking they know best. None of them can be reasoned with. All of them are ''wrong''.
* KnowWhenToFoldEm: [[https://notalwaysright.com/storage-wars-christmas-special/242728/ This lady]] gives up screaming about the price of Christmas storage items when the cashier grabs a nearby sign to show her it DOES say they're excluded from the post-Christmas sale. Apparently she expected the cashiers not to have the option of proving her wrong, as she's specifically described as surprised when the cashier steps away from the register to get the sign.
* TheKlutz: [[http://notalwaysright.com/im-falling-and-calling-to-pieces/ This customer]], who drops the phone and remote repeatedly until the call drops.
* LadyLooksLikeADude: Invoked by name [[http://notalwaysright.com/dude-needs-some-sleep/ here,]] by a rather disheveled woman.
* LameComeback: One that's not even in response to an insult, made by someone who seems to consider everything at the store "stupid".
-->'''Cashier:''' “Have a nice day!”\\
'''Customer:''' “Well... you... DON’T have a nice day!”
* LandOfFaerie: They have natural lilac hair with blue tips, big grey eyes, and slight Irish accents. [[http://notalwaysright.com/slightly-accented-hair/ They come from Canada]].
* LanguageEqualsThought: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/full-definition-jacket/126068/ No, I want a JACKET]]..." The seller is from Washington and considers a "jacket" a specific style of outerwear. The customer is from Arizona, and any item of outerwear is a "jacket". She wants a winter coat. The seller later quizzes their coworkers and finds that none of them distinguish between styles of outerwear.
* LargeHam: Some of the aforementioned {{Cloud Cuckoolander}}s.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preaching-to-the-converted/ This]] guy does a good job of it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ THE LARGE MOUNTAIN JEW!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-nicknames-are-born/ STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!]]
** How [[https://notalwaysright.com/my-roommate-is-my-pet-hate/82688/ this customer]] copes with his {{Jerkass}} roommate forcing him to buy pet food for his cat at 4 in the morning after a terrible shift, just so he can go clubbing.
* LaserGuidedKarma: Now has [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight its own page]].
* LaterInstallmentWeirdness:
** The addition of non-dialogue stories can be seen as a minor example.
** After avoiding crossposting for a very long time, late 2020 onward has seen an increase in stories crossposted from various "bad customer" [[Website/{{Reddit}} subreddits]].
* LethallyStupid:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/po-tential-k-atastrophe-averted/32949/ This mother]] lets her young son play around unsupervised with dangerous chemicals at a university lab, on the grounds that her husband is a chemist so he's used to doing such things. Of course, when the sink explodes, her first reaction is to yell, [[NeverMyFault "Your wretched lab could have killed my son!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/drowned-out-by-their-stupidity/176882/ This person]] demands a refund after the pet fish they bought only a week earlier died, even going so far as to accuse the pet store of poisoning it. It turns out that the reason the fish died was that the owner ''took it out of its tank''... because they thought it was '''drowning'''.
** The client in [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-positive-that-this-should-never-have-happened/218370/ this story]] calls a technician round to his house to fix his network, despite the fact that he's [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic in quarantine]]. He can't understand why the tech has a problem with this -- after all, ''he's'' feeling fine, and look, he's wearing a mask! And yes, the tech got infected as a result -- an asymptomatic case, as it turned out, although had they not overheard the client casually mention on the phone that he was quarantining, they could have ended up passing it on to goodness only knows how many people.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/pray-she-doesnt-get-puppies/254060/ another pet fish horror story]], a teenager's Silver Dollars all die less than twenty-four hours after she purchases them because ''she took them out of their tank to "play with them"''. There is much internal screaming from the submitter until an elementary schooler in line behind the teen [[WhatWereYouThinking reams the teen out]] for somehow not realizing that fish need to stay in water to survive.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/finding-nemo-but-losing-your-patience/306666/ This aquarium worker]] apparently regularly has to deal with parents dangling their babies over '''an open shark tank''', who tend to react with disbelief [=and/or=] anger when told not to. One dad apparently thinks that, if he drops the kid, the minimum wage worker will simply just jump in with the sharks to retrieve them.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shes-a-salty-cracker/116946/ This tourist]] thought a bird was thirsty, and thought the appropriate reaction was to ''dunk it in seawater''.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: Somewhat common on here. A customer has a crazy, if not impossible, request. The store associate repeats it back to the customer, just to make sure that he/she hears correctly, and often rephrasing it to highlight the implausibility of it. The (often {{Jerkass}}) customer will probably respond in one of several ways: "Well? Get going! I'm not waiting here all day!", "Argh, you're just being lazy/intentionally unhelpful!" or, best of all, "Exactly! God, is that so hard to understand?"
* LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain:
** After a customer realizes they're holding the IdiotBall, they may apologize and then say this. [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-sign-up-for-delivery-by-delorean/ One example]] featuring a customer who lost track of what day it was.
** Said by the submitter in [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-embarrassing-game-of-cat-and-mouse/193067/ this story]] after discovering that the dead mouse they called an exterminator for was really a cat toy.
* LifeImitatesArt:[[invoked]] [[WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDameDisney A physically deformed, sweet-natured person]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-word-is-r-rated/ who does fine wood carvings.]]
* LifesavingMisfortune: [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-humbling-time-for-all-of-us/187174/ This story]] is what happens when the "Why is my large and complicated order taking so long, I have important places to be!" customer's "important place" is [[UsefulNotes/TheWarOnTerror the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001]]. One week later, the customer is back to thank the worker for the delay with his wife and daughter in tow.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-boss-didnt-record-your-request-2/65236/ This owner]] of a London recording studio was forced to cancel his flight to the US for Christmas because the night before the scheduled flight, a clueless manager locked up for the night while several people were still inside, ultimately requiring the intervention of the Fire Brigade to liberate them, and the owner had to stay in England to deal with the mess that resulted (including a very peeved Fire Brigade). The flight the manager was supposed to be on was the ill-fated Pan Am 103, which was brought down over Scotland by a terrorist bombing.
* LikeIsLikeAComma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-like-mean/ Um, like, literally!]]
* LikeMotherUnlikeDaughter:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ The mother and daughter of this story]] could not be more different. The mother nearly has an aneurysm when she learns that the OP, who is working as a cashier at a grocery store, is attending the same expensive prep school as her daughter, even when OP doesn't reveal the real reason (they come from a poor family and want to help ease the burden, instead saying they think working would become a more open-minded person). Said daughter, on the other hand, is shown to be much more down to Earth and understanding, even cheerfully greeting OP upon realizing its them. Their dynamic is summed up perfectly with this exchange following OP's fake excuse for working.
---> '''Mother:''' Nonsense! I’ve never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.\\
'''Daughter:''' Mom… that’s not the flex that you think it is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-tired-daughter-of-jane-complain/301435/ This story]] about a woman who takes pleasure in finding something to complain about every time she enters the store, and her daughter, who is mortified by this, and takes steps to ensure she ''doesn't'' have anything to complain about by secretly pre-ordering ''every variety of oatmeal'' before her mother comes in, finds out which variety isn't on the shelf, and insists she can only have that one. After the mother has had the wind taken out of her sales, the daughter donates the other boxes to charity.
* LiteralMetaphor:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/70049/ "Would you like to see my bird?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-if-the-duck-wanted-some-wings/246866/ "[The intercom]'s just making duck noises."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-even-have-a-name-for-this-problem/203289/ This guy]], after blowing up when the clerk says they can't check the situation unless they have a name, repeatedly says "You have no idea who you're dealing with!" As the clerk points out, they really ''don't'', which is the problem.
* LiteralMinded: That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
** [[FlippingTheBird "Flip off]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-flippantly-part-3/ the power switch"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeder-mice-not-included/ Python needed to run script]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-5/ Here's a tip for ya...]] Fortunately, she does understand the real meaning of the word.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ Software can convert photographs]], but it can't make the people ''in'' the photograph convert their religious beliefs.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice/ "Employees must wash hands."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/misery-in-a-can/ This kid]]. He knocks over a display of soup cans, throws one at another customer, then smashes a glass bottle - all because his mother told him to "make someone else miserable for once".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-pen-is-mightier-than-the-brain-2/ “You want me to right-click?”]]
* LittleGirlsKickShins: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fixing-for-a-fixing/ In this story]], a little girl kicks the shin of a horrible customer while [[PunctuatedPounding saying "You! Are! Not! A! Nice! Man!"]]
* LogicalFallacies: A fair chunk of the entries on the site are of customers who, when confronted with the fact that they might be wrong about something, choose to stubbornly hold on to their mistaken belief in the face of all evidence and logic otherwise. This leads them to some breathtakingly inaccurate conclusions.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ This customer]]. Also, a fairly JustForFun/{{Egregious}} [[UsefulNotes/LogicalFallacies Begging the Question]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-and-cookbooks-are-written-by-the-victors/ Apparently Japan losing WW2 means their food isn't safe to eat.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/license-to-breed/ And this one]], although some might argue that this ''should'' [[ThereShouldBeALaw be made a law]]...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/used-and-abused/ If you never wore it]], how do you know it doesn't fit right?
* LockedDoor: [[https://notalwaysright.com/locked-misunderstanding/104430/ Inverted here]] The guest didn't know that their door was unlocked because the locks use regular physical keys rather than cards.
* LondonEnglandSyndrome:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/ "I would like a ticket to Paris, USA."]](Perhaps an inversion of this trope, as the customer assumed this just happens because Americans are stupid, and ends up looking like a fool because of it.)
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-fail-part-2/ This Canadian]] manages to fall afoul of a similar situation since it's not immediately clear to the cashier whether the customer is talking about the Canadian province of Ontario, or a ''city'' named Ontario.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** Attempted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-late-than-clever/ this woman]]. The daycare had a rule that parents must sign out their kids by 4 PM or face additional charges. The woman signed her daughter out on time but left her there while she ran other errands for another 45 minutes. Luckily, the daycare didn't put up with her crap and charged her anyway.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-pull-up-to-the-next-fast-one/ This man]], too. The restaurant had a policy that if the customer didn't get a receipt, their meal was free. What does he do? Shove the money into the drive-thru attendant's hands and ''immediately'' speeds to the next window. The drive-through guy didn't have time to even ''offer'' a receipt, but that matters not. The speeder argues this point and sadly gets away with it. Drive-thru guy wises up, though, and offers a receipt ''before'' taking the money next time the speeder rolls around.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/freely-fraudulent/ This man]] wants a bunch of free ice cream samples in a cup. It's not a cup of ice cream, you see, because it's all free samples! The employee didn't put up with his crap, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ This grocery store customer]] attempts this with coffee beans, which were priced by weight. As a single coffee bean's weight is minuscule (and therefore technically costs nothing), she bags numerous beans individually in an attempt to circumvent the pricing. Unfortunately for her, she didn't anticipate [[DevelopersForesight the automatic checkout to catch her tactic]] -- it stops ''because'' she didn't combine them. The manager then weighs all the beans and bags she tried to make off with and [[LaserGuidedKarma forces her to pay the massive price for them]] because, according to them, they couldn't take back food that was handled.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/reason-for-refund-holds-water/ The customer]] does have a point about a retail store's return policy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-taxing-conversation-part-2/ This woman]] attempts this with taxes by trying just about every combination of filing possible in order to maximize her return.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/burger-budgeting-101/ This customer]] picks off one ingredient every time he orders a burger so that he has another burger at the end of the week.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-cop-holder-with-drink/ This lady]] walks into a movie theater with half a bottle of wine and attempts to invoke this trope.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-one-customer-knows-more-than-all-the-doctors/201419/ This guy]] attempts to make up his own loophole after being told that, by city mandate, he must [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic wear a mask]] while in the building. First, he declares that he's [[ImpliedDeathThreat a concealed-carry owner]] and "knows the Constitution", then tries to invoke the "thirty-ninth amendment", which ''doesn't even exist''.[[labelnote:*]] The story takes place in Colorado according to the tags. The US Constitution has just twenty-seven amendments (and, if all the current proposals were passed, would still only have thirty-three). As for Colorado's state constitution, its process works differently; the 39th amendment would be the 39th one ''proposed'', which didn't actually pass, and, obviously, had nothing to do with mask-wearing anyway.[[/labelnote]] Repeating his boast about "[[BlatantLies knowing the Constitution]]" fails to impress anybody, and after being threatened with police action, [[KnowWhenToFoldEm he backs down and puts a mask on]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-yall-do-this-crap-at-home/235963/ This group of drug users]] change up who books the motel rooms where they partake, so the motel staff can't tell it's the same group and doesn't have their names to ban them all.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/disclaimer-this-may-or-may-not-be-legal-where-you-live/255355/ This drunk]] tries to get around drunk driving charges by going out for more beer by ''riding a horse into the store''. The submitter never found out if he got arrested or not, but at the very least, he didn't get his extra beer, and he was last seen having a discussion with a police officer.
* LovableSexManiac: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rated-immature/ This guy]] prank-calls a video store asking for porno. Turns out they have an entire section. He turns into a polite repeat customer.
* LoveOverridesTheLaw: {{Subverted}}. [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-hangover-doesnt-taste-so-suite-2/39831/ In this story]], a guy thinks he shouldn't have to pay for the damage he and his girlfriend did to a hotel room due to this trope.
[[/folder]]
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%%Remember Administrivia/WeblinksAreNotExamples. Provide some sort of explanation, quote or context of how the trope applies to the story you're linking, not just "It happens in this story" and a pothole.
%%For tropes where Administrivia/NoRealLifeExamplesPlease or Administrivia/InUniverseExamplesOnly apply, please remember, this is a work portraying real life, which is explicitly protected by the first paragraph of No Real Life Examples, Please.
[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToD Tropes A to D]] | '''Tropes G to L''' ([[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight It's All About Me]], [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight Jerkass]], [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight Laser-Guided Karma]])| [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] ([[TheyJustDontGetIt/NotAlwaysRight They Just Don't Get It]]) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
[[Website/NotAlwaysRight Back to the main page]]
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[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples. The site also has non-Americans ''assuming'' that all Americans are Type 2, only to get proven wrong by the Americans they're trying to scam/talk down to.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is (albeit sometimes with dubious applicability).
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
-->'''Police Officer''': Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.
-->'''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
-->'''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisLives: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ In Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EnfanteTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-no-parenting-experts-but-maybe-stop-handing-the-kid-glass/291821/ This toddler]] smashes ''three'' jars of peanut butter because they don't like it. Naturally, the mother is hesitant about paying for it.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntertainmentAboveTheirAge:
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-jurassic-park-is-pg-13/84640/ This Is Why Jurassic Park is Rated PG-13]], a girl who appears to be about five says [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior she loves to draw dinosaurs covered in blood]], implying that she's been watching ''Film/JurassicPark'' (though she might simply be a young girl with a disturbing [[MsImagination imagination]] going through a [[KidsLoveDinosaurs dinosaur phase]]).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-i-for-immature-part-2/75162/ Rated I For Immature, Part 2]], two young kids try to buy ''VideoGame/Halo3'', only to be turned down because they're too young to buy an M-rated game, much to their ire.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-c-for-child-welfare/69951/ Rated C For Child Welfare]], two parents try to take their kids who are six and eight to see ''Film/FinalDestination1'' in 3D. When the OP objects to this, the father claims their kids' favorite movies are ''Film/SawI'' and ''Film/SawII'' (though it's possible he was lying).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-and-get-incarcerated-so-fast-part-2/72233/ They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2]], an eight-year-old boy wants to buy an M-rated game. The OP tells him he can't buy it without his mother's permission. [[PermissiveParents His mother doesn't give a damn about the game's content as long as her son pays for it himself.]]
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-grand-theft-tantrum/173006/ A Grand Theft Tantrum]], a boy who is said to look about nine years old demands the OP to let him buy ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoClassic'' and starts [[TantrumThrowing throwing video games around in a rage]] when the OP refuses to let him buy any because he's too young.
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even laws of physics) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
** And then there's [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-that-entitlement-slide-into-the-bus-lane/85680/ this woman]], who seems to think that spending a lot of money at a store entitles her to be able to flag down any of its employees and have them taxi her about.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/ This woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/slick-way-lose-warranty/107921/ This woman]] complained about her lawnmower suddenly catching on fire and wanted a refund. This is certainly an issue, but it becomes clear that this woman has made a grievous error: While, it's true that lawnmowers run on oil, that doesn't mean any type of oil. This woman apparently poured ''vegetable oil'' rather than motor oil into the gas tank "because it's oil." So in the end, she wrecked her own lawnmower by her own stupidity.[[note]]She also at some point in the conversation says that she poured a whole bottle of oil in. Although motor oil usually comes in bottles now, it historically came in cans. If the container in question ''was'' a can, then one has to wonder ''how'' she mixed the two up.[[/note]]
** Back when professional-grade copy machines were ''much'' harder to work on, we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-office-environment-takes-on-a-dark-tone/213663/ this story]] of a medical office getting an error message on a Friday afternoon that will require a service call on Monday morning. On Saturday, their maintenance man announces that he [[DoomItYourself "knows" how to fix the problem]] and ends up literally spraying toner and developer powders all over the office. When the service rep shows up Monday, he tells the staff (which has been trying and failing to clean up the mess since Saturday) what type of mask they should be wearing to prevent health issues, then confirms that the maintenance guy completely killed the copier ... and probably three office computers as well. The doctor informs the maintenance company that since their guy destroyed the equipment by doing unauthorized work, they '''will''' be paying for all the repairs.
** When trying to buy ice cream for the sale price... 1) make sure you have the correct size container of ice cream, 2) make sure the sale is current, [[RuleOfThree 3)]] '''make sure you are in the correct store'''. [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-ice-cream-really-does-make-you-scream-part-2-2/214653/ And when you fail on all three points, don't yell at the cashier]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-day-the-music-died-5/186687/ This genius]] somehow broke multiple displays of rare and extensive antiques just by trying to put a guitar back on a stand.
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm-2/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ Leap years]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ New Jersey accents are only on television to get ratings]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-fools-mortals/88696/ Shakespeare is just a corporate mascot for Big Theatre]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--->'''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."
* EtTuBrute: There are numerous stories where the manager will break policy, berate the OP for not doing so, or otherwise side with the entitled, unreasonable "Customer." Sometimes even costing the store money in the process. A particularly glaring example [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ here]] where Manager initially sides with OP in upholding the restaurant's policy regarding the "to go" salad bar, until Customer specifically targeted OP ''at least three days in a row'', buying the "to go" salad, and demanding a refund for not getting the lid, in advance, until Manager turns on and blames the employee for the refunds, and then Customer, "thanks" OP by overfilling the lid and spraying cottage cheese around while trying to close the plate onto the lid, which OP then has to go and clean up.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie-2/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-more-you-read-the-worse-it-gets-fourth-of-july-edition/294943/ Two young men]] try to steal alcohol because they're underage... except they aren't, they're both of legal age. They just failed to do the math and thought they were younger than they are.
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ This one]] has a lesbian accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-3/ The store this employee works at]] has a policy of checking the receipt of every shopper to discourage theft. A black customer accuses the submitter (who is the employee stationed at the exit that day) of targeting him specifically, despite the fact that he was in a line where ''everybody'' was getting their receipts checked regardless of who they were. He backed off when the guy in line behind him, who also happened to be African-American, stood up for the employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided-2/119916/ Another "gay card" user]]. Because the OP did not go check his ''tire pressure'' immediately, due to being occupied with another customer, the "customer" begins ranting that OP was trying to deny him service because he's gay. [[LaserGuidedKarma OP, who is also gay, then goes to refuse him service.]]
** Used for ''good'' in the case of "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ Captain Camp and The Russian Lady]]" who learn that the employees ''want'' customers to complain about a faulty anti-theft device, because it's the only way it's going to be fixed, and declare they can use their minority status to ensure they're listened to.
--->'''Woman''': I ham up accent on phone. He will ham up the gay. Use trigger word.\\
'''Man''': It's discrimination, darling!\\
'''Woman''': Captain Camp and The Russian Lady will aid you!
** An (able-bodied) customer who [[https://notalwaysright.com/disabling-his-complaint/119203/ accuses two workers of ableism]] because they grabbed someone's wheelchair without asking ... while it was careening downhill, completely out of control. No, the opinion of the guy in the chair ''doesn't'' matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/explaining-the-science-will-do-a-fat-lot-of-good/309952/ A customer at an ice cream shop]] tells the cashier that she is trying to reduce her fat in-take. The minute the customer says the word "fat", the customer in line directly behind her explodes into a tirade about discrimination toward fat people even though the only mention of "fat" was referring to nutritional fat.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem-2/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* EvilIsPetty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ This woman]] first goes to the newly hired, first job, sixteen-year-old employee to purchase the "to go" salad, rather than the all you can eat. When she demands the lid, in advance, knowing full well this is in violation of the written policy because the lid is clearly bigger than the plate meant to go with it, she badgers the employee, who stands by store policy. Not being able to get OP to budge, she slams the plate down and demands a refund. Manager provides refund, tells OP was correct. Woman leaves. End of story, right? '''''WRONG'''''. The woman returns and specifically targets the same employee, ignoring other cashiers, even if their lines are empty, including the manager, ''at least three more days in a row'', until the manager, despite seeing the woman's behavior first hand, turns on and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming blames the employee for all the refunds]] and says "just do whatever it takes to make the customer happy." Lo and behold, the woman not only fills ''the lid'' to overflowing from the salad bar, but to add insult to injury and injury to insult crushes her salad with so much force that it squirts cottage cheese over the salad bar, and the floor, which then OP has to go and clean up while spewing "There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? You have a nice day, sweetie!" to never return.
* EvilTwin: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sisterhood-of-the-judgmental-rants/59983/ This story]] features twin sisters who work as cashiers at the same grocery store. One is polite and courteous while the other is snobby and judgmental, treating a woman rudely for having a young daughter and being on welfare, even though (as her sister points out) [[{{Hypocrite}} she had her own son when she was 15.]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-customers-are-a-sign-of-the-end-times/156196/ "Let me know when there's a great flood, then you can skip my lunch!"]] This was during a major earthquake in Manila and as if on cue a large Biblical flood occurs outside complete with screaming from the terrified citizens.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unloading-some-beautiful-malicious-compliance/215064/ This woman]] is so spiteful about being asked to move her car away from a coffee shop's fire exit that she moves it to the shop's loading area instead. Sure enough, the delivery truck shows up right after she does this and she's so reluctant to move again that she expects the truck to be "unloaded around her". The coffee shop's manager agrees to do so... by completely surrounding the woman's car with the delivered boxes and ''double''-checking everything before it's put in the stockroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/buying-insurance-to-cover-the-insurance/242047/ This insurance customer]] attempts to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] this. When a system error causes their car's insurance to temporarily show as invalid, and the agent they speak to agrees to compensate for travel arrangements in the interim, they ''buy another car and insurance'' and attempt to get the company to pay the £7,200 they spend on them, arguing that no restrictions were made on what 'travel arrangements' meant. [[LaserGuidedKarma In the end, they walk away with nothing.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-pizza-justice/271427/ A boy]] repeatedly calls the same pizza restaurant with prank calls, driving the employees there crazy. One day, the submitter, absolutely done with the kid, responds to the kid asking for 100 pizzas by pretending to accept the order, saying they will bill the kid through the phone bill, and hanging up. The kid [[OhCrap absolutely freaks out]] and tries to call back before giving up and being forced to confess to his parents. The parents apologize to the submitter for what happened and the boy never prank calls the pizza place again.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/reasons-why-small-print-is-a-million-pages-long-part-2/284457/ This customer]] reads a buy-one-get-one-free ad, and it's not clear whether they're being dumb or bullheaded when they insist on getting their free extra when they bought the first from a competitor, because the ad doesn't specify that both items have to come from the same store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-cure-for-the-babysitter-blues-giving-it-a-shot/291812/ This prospective young teen babysitter]] uses careful exact words on his fliers, his GenderBlenderName and the fact that [[EffeminateVoice he sounds female over the phone]] to hide his gender prior to arriving at a house, because he operates under the (correct, as it turns out) assumption that people wouldn't hire him if they knew he was male. To compensate, he makes his first sessions with families free, in the hope that he'll be given a chance.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-understand-the-custom-part-of-customer-part-26/279986/ This customer]] somehow manages to interprete "You can head up to the front and pay at the registers" as indicating he ''can'' do that, not that he's required to. When he's corrected on this point, he maintains a constant insistence that he's been suckered into buying this stuff under false pretences, despite the fact he picked it out ''before'' he was told that ''anyway''.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExplainExplainOhCrap: [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-in-doubt-always-ask-is-there-a-teen-in-the-house/286546/ This customer]], who is absolutely outraged that he was charged for the adult channels when he never ordered them, and there's no-one else in the house except his teenage son, and then hangs up, presumably realising who he ''should'' be yelling at about it.
* ExtremeDoormat: Generally speaking, managers who cave in to bratty customers' demands (whether out of worry over losing the customers' business (especially if they're large spenders) or just to get them to shut up) occur in the stories on such a regular basis that some users on the website claim that they warrant their own category on the website.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:F]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:G]]
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:H]]
* HadTheSillyThingInReverse:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/turned-the-problem-right-around/ This computer user]] managed to do this with a ''mouse''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theres-a-funny-upside-down-to-this/ This one]] managed it with ''the entire computer tower''.
* HairTriggerTemper:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/just-bagging-for-trouble/ This customer]] seems pleasant enough when she asks for something, but the ''moment'' even ''one'' thing is off with the transaction...
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-help-those-who-dont-want-to-be-helped/133011/ This guy at a store register]] suddenly and abruptly throws his merchandise down and storms out of the store looking angry as a hornet the minute the cashier finishes helping a slightly cranky elderly woman. What makes the situation especially bizarre is that up to that point, the man had been acting perfectly amicable and patient as the cashier helped the elderly woman and had even told the cashier to go ahead and finish helping her before helping him. Even the site's commentators were stumped by the man's behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-was-just-too-chicken/ This guy at a fried-chicken restaurant's drive-through]] orders a two-piece chicken combo, but asks for no sides, so the employee puts the order in as two pieces of chicken. The minute the guy sees the two piece of chicken orders show up on the screen, he blows his stack and speeds out of there before the poor employee can even explain why the order appeared like that.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] responds to being politely asked to not shout profanity in a library by dropping a racist ClusterFBomb, and threatening to ''[[DisproportionateRetribution shoot and stab]]'' the submitter, for complying with library policy.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cake-of-bridezilla/238160/ A bride-to-be]] enters a bakery with her mother to pick up the wedding cake. The bride sees a cake on the front counter and proceeds to flip her lid, saying that the cake looks nothing like how she wanted, and then ''destroys the cake''. It turns out the reason why the cake on the counter didn't look anything like how she wanted was that ''[[FailedASpotCheck it wasn't even her wedding cake,]]'' [[FailedASpotCheck it was a different couple's wedding cake]]. She ends up spending her wedding night behind bars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-purse-will-be-empty-thanks-to-the-damage-bill/265154/ This customer at an arts & crafts store]] realizes she can't find her purse and completely loses her marbles, attacking other customers whom she thinks stole her purse, flipping carts, and knocking merchandise off the shelves and destroying them, which forces the employees to have to evacuate the other customers for their safety. In the end, it turned out that the woman [[FailedASpotCheck had actually accidentally left her purse in her car]], and she ends up arrested for attacking other customers and destroying the merchandise ([[PersonaNonGrata as well as banned from all other arts & crafts stores in the region]]).
* HandicappedBadass: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-dance-dance-revolution-revelation/ I'm playing. What's your excuse again?]] A convention attendee who is dragged to a DDR tournament initially refuses to play… until the registration tender shows he has a prosthetic leg and is playing as well.
* HandsOffParenting: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-stones-throw-away-from-good-behavior/ This mother]] seems to have this approach, seeing that she chased off the babysitter for punishing her son when he was throwing rocks. [[LaserGuidedKarma She ends up going to court later on because her son threw a rock at a neighbor's kid.]]
* HanlonsRazor: Most of the examples are pretty clear, but some are really difficult to decide whether the {{Jerkass}} customer [[ItsAllAboutMe is trying to]] [[ConMan cheat the cashier]], is a real-life {{Troll}} doing it [[ItAmusedMe for shits]] [[ForTheEvulz and giggles]], or if the customer is [[TheyJustDontGetIt just]] [[TheDitz plain]] [[TooDumbToLive stupid]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-problem-with-dirty-words/ This]] example lends credence to the "Customer is a troll" theory. He's complaining that the dirt the landscaping company dropped off is "too dirty". That's right, his dirt is ''too dirty''.
** And then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/unable-to-think-outside-the-box/ this]] exchange...
--->'''Tech Support''': Really, you want me to talk you through opening the ''[laptop]'' box?\\
'''Customer''': Yes.\\
'''Tech Support''': Is this a prank call?\\
'''Customer''': No.
* HarshNoise: [[https://notalwaysright.com/crazy-old-lady-1-bag-boy-0/67897/ This woman]] despises the sound of vacuum cleaners. [[note]]It's not unusual for people with sensory processing disorders and autistic people. Vacuums are loud, repetitive, buzzing, and can badly shock people with exaggerated startle responses (a trait of PTSD). Other common culprits for this HellIsThatNoise effect - actually referred to in neurodivergent circles as "sensory hell" - are hand dryers, fire alarms, checkout machines, etc.[[/note]]
* HauntedTechnology:
** Strangely, credit cards ''don't'' share a [[OurVampiresAreDifferent common vampiric weakness]] and can be freely [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-3/ moved over a body of water]].
** A straighter example would be [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-keep-your-online-devices-in-line-part-2/ this woman's possessed modem]].
* HavingAGayOldTime: [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-a-load-of-explaining-to-do/ "I'll blow my load!"]] means something different these days...
* HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday: "Are you paying together?" "No! [[HeIsNotMyBoyfriend We are definitely not together]]! [[http://notalwaysright.com/separates-the-men-from-the-boys/ I'm not gay!"]]
* HeadDesk: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sweet-resolution/ This poor tech-support guy]].
* HeelFaceTurn:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This guy]], who goes irate over needing an ID to sell used games, steals from the store, but later returns all the stolen merchandise, apologizes for his behavior, and becomes a regular customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ "That’s not okay. I’m very sorry. Buddies?"]]
* HeelRealization:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-to-racism-at-break-necklace-speed/85294/ One lady]] who claims [[MistakenForThief a black employee stole her necklace]]. She later calls back to apologize upon discovering she simply misplaced it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/daddy-issues-save-the-day/286463/ These men]] realize just how gross them flirting with the (underaged) waitresses is when one of them claims that not only does her dad have the same name as the group's ringleader, but that she's also the same age as his daughters.
* HehHehYouSaidX: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fourth-graders-going-on-forty/ This husband]] is constantly amused by windows having an "inside mount".
* HenpeckedHusband:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/marriage-bedding/ Um...my wife told me to?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/he-saw-his-opportunity-and-he-took-it/292781/ This guy]] is continually berated by his wife for unpacking the groceries wrongly at the checkout. When she sends him to replace the cheese, because he got the wrong kind, the next customer in line suggests that he's not coming back.
* HereWeGoAgain: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deja-vu-in-aisle-3/ Deja Vu In Aisle 3]]
* HeteronormativeCrusader:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
** Very disturbingly inverted with [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ this]] woman, who wants her three-year-old son to be gay and is considering facilitating this by ''showing him pornography''. She even manages to make her repeated use of the phrase "I'm very open-minded" sound like a perfect inversion of this trope - that she absolutely '''must''' have a gay son and won't accept any other outcome.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-get-to-a-spork-in-the-road/309943/ This customer]] is opposed to sporks because they're a blend of "the masculine fork and the feminine spoon" in an attempt to force a blurred-gender agenda on society.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/straight-up-violence/127901/ This mother]] demands that someone else serve her because she seems to think that if her son is served by someone who's gay, it'll make ''him'' gay. Then, when she sees a female worker be brought lunch by her girlfriend, she screams at them and when her son reacts, she slaps him.
* HiccupHijinks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-small-charge-to-cure-the-hiccups/ This customer]] deliberately complains about a non-problem in order to give an employee a scare--because said employee has the hiccups. The employee isn't particularly happy about it, but it does seem to work since the hiccups are gone after the customer leaves.
* HideYourLesbians: Taken up to eleven [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ here]]. This woman seems to think gay men are simply some "stupid liberal conspiracy".
* {{Hipster}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ Righteous Indie-nation]]
* HistoricalCharacterConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-art-of-ignorance/ No, I mean Machiavelli.]] They don't. Unfortunately, the museum guide never even figures out who they ''are'' talking about!
* HitlerAteSugar: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-teen-evils-4/71589/ Parodied.]] Skittles are EVIL?
* HobbesWasRight: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-long-line-of-the-law/ It’s a shame]] that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.''
* HoistByHisOwnPetard: A rare real-life example [[http://notalwaysright.com/between-a-rock-and-a-hard-head/ here]]. And it's hilarious to boot.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ And this one.]] An old principle, BTW... but the backfire seems original.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-people-drive-you-to-drink/ A woman]] who kept hitting a customer with her shopping cart because she thought the customer was a drunk ends up slamming her cart onto a shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mile-high-blood-pressure/ Had this hotheaded passenger]] calmed down and not swore at and insulted the crew and passengers on the plane, the police wouldn't have been called to meet him outside the plane - nor would they have arrested him after running a check on the passenger's name and finding out he was a wanted criminal. And all of this fuss was because the crew no longer had the type of sandwich he wanted.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-for-her-math-students/ A bookstore manager]] calls a math teacher to tell her the check she used to pay for the books she bought was insufficient. But the manager learns the teacher earlier returned the books to the bookstore and got a cash refund. However, because the books were never actually paid for in the first place due to the bounced check, the teacher technically committed check fraud and stole money. Despite many attempts to ask the teacher to return the money to settle this issue, the teacher stubbornly refuses to listen or understand, believing the bookstore was trying to rob her and threatening to sue them. In the end, the teacher was found guilty in court and not only had to pay back the money she stole, but also the fine and court fees as well with her reputation ruined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-old-hack-and-a-credit-card-hack/ This customer]] ends up being caught for many counts of identity theft and credit card fraud because, in the process of trying to get a store's manager to let him look at their batch report, he got loud and angry enough at them for refusing (since said batch report also had many other customers' full credit card numbers on it) that they called the cops on him - who found him yelling at ''another'' manager elsewhere in the mall for probably the same reason. If he had been anything less than your typical screaming NAR customer, he would still be on the loose, possibly with another stolen identity.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/avoiding-spring-bathroom-break/80070/ This drunk patron]] told the bar staff he was cheating on their a $1 pitcher of beer promo without going to the toilet by revealing how he cheated.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-car-is-on-the-highway-to-hell/144991/ This customer]] insults the religion of the mechanic working on their car and demands not to be serviced by that mechanic. The owner of the garage obligingly [[BotheringByTheBook cancels the oil change]]... [[HumiliationConga in the middle of the procedure, forcing the customer to hire a tow truck to take their now inoperable car to a different garage]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This]] amazing tale of a man who calls the police on a store that won't refund a product that he bought from an entirely different business. As the man smugly expects the manager to beg him to call the police off, the manager wearily explains to him that if the only way he'll believe that you can't return products to the wrong store is if the police tell him, then so be it. The man immediately turns pale, stammers "You... you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I can’t talk to the police!", and flees.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/her-thinking-she-can-sue-you-is-a-true-final-fantasy/250532/ This woman]] demanded the submitter changed the name of her jewelry store's Facebook page as it has the same name as her own which the woman seems to believe only she has that kind of the name and the submitter "stole" her name despite the fact said name is actually a Hindu name and has been around for a long time. When the submitter refuses, tries, and fails to explain to the woman and later block her on Facebook for harassment, the entitled woman began posting fake reviews and calling the submitter a liar, thief, and her jewelry ugly. Her antics instead made the store more popular as everyone found the woman's rant hilarious and buy jewelry from the submitter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-know-where-this-is-going-but-its-satisfying-all-the-same/285731/ This businessman]] won't let the server get a word in edgeways when he demands six of the restaurant's best whiskeys, which bites him when the bill comes around because the addition of those drinks pushes it well into the thousands of dollars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-can-candy-crush-his-little-heart-not-me/290088/ This mother]] attempts to make her tantruming child blame the cashier rather than her because he's not allowed any chocolate. This promptly backfires as the cashier ''gives'' the child permission to get chocolate, going so far as to purchase it with their own money.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-the-chargeback-comes-back-to-bite-you/298816/ This customer]] on a buy/sell website sends a rude e-mail demanding an off-site refund on a handbag for what ultimately prove to be spurious reasons, and threatening to file a chargeback (reversing the credit card debt due to breach of contract). When she carries out the threat -- despite the seller ''agreeing'' to a refund -- the seller appeals and wins. When she returns the handbag anyway, the seller checks the website policy, and discovers that, following a failed chargeback, ''they couldn't give a regular refund even if they wanted to''.
* HolierThanThou: A common problem when some bigoted, elitist, or sexist, or any combination, uses religious scripture to justify their intolerance. They pointedly do '''not''' take it well when contrary scripture is used against them, even from superiors from their local denomination. Especially the trope namer, the passage from the book of Exodus.
* HomemadeFlamethrower: Two stories have a customer purchase a squirt gun, lighter fluid, and a barbecue starter/matches, respectively, both times to deal with a wasp infestation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/lt-ripley-goes-shopping/ "Lieutenant Ripley Goes Shopping"]], the narrator tells them the store's out of bug spray, so the customer decides to whip up a flamethrower in desperation.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/terminate-this-purchase/ "Terminate this Purchase"]], the customer's too cheap to hire an exterminator.
* HopelessWithTech: A disturbing amount of customers seem to have no idea how to use technology.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-step-forward-eight-steps-back/139012/ This man]], for instance, doesn't know how to operate the forward and backward arrows on Internet Explorer.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-craziest-caller-you-ever-saw/282274/ This man]] can't figure out how to connect his computer to an external hard drive and figures the only way to do so is to connect the hard drive to the ''inside'' of the computer. In order to do this, he ''cuts his tower open with a hacksaw''.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/79059/ this woman]] is told to defrag her computer to "clean it up," she takes that to mean ''put it in her dishwasher''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-bet-hard-cash-that-people-cant-be-that-stupid/141198/ This customer]] tries to hand cash to a call centre over the phone… by ''stuffing the cash into her phone's case'', somehow convinced that would somehow transmit the money to the caller.
** It takes ''fifteen minutes'' to get [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-totally-spaced-out/191309/ this genius]] to learn where his ''space bar'' is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] seems to think that putting her phone in any old rice will fix her phone – her phone that isn't water-damaged, but has a ''cracked screen''.
** An entire ''family'' of them in [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-cant-fix-it-even-if-you-have-the-coin/276704/ this story]]. When the games they were playing on their computer asked them to "insert [virtual] coins," they ''cut coin slots into their computer''.
** The customer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/itll-take-a-lot-more-than-fan-assisted-cooling-to-deal-with-this-hot-head/298246/ this story]] was asked to open his computer. Though the submitter doesn't have to deal with him, they overhear their coworker reaming him over the phone for using '''a blowtorch''' to do so.
* HospitalityForHeroes: Several cases of an awesome customer stepping in to deal with an abrasive or rude one getting assorted freebies or discounts from the store they're in.
* HumanAliens: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-commute-must-be-out-of-this-world/ Meet Qinjax]], age 270. Or 45 [[TwoOfYourEarthMinutes in Earth years]], where he's named Andrew.
* HumansAreBastards: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-two-intergalactic-evils/ Not that]] the [[VideoGame/DestroyAllHumans alternative]] is better.
* HumansAreFlawed: For all the horrible customers, there's also [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/awesome-customers an entire section of customers who are awesome]], whether by putting the bad customers in their place, doing something extra nice for the employee, simply being incredibly entertaining, or something else entirely.
* HumanityIsInsane: You ''really'' have to wonder how some of the customers manage to survive despite being almost completely disconnected from reality.
* HumiliationConga:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/giving-new-meaning-to-the-term-cheap-date/186115/ This high schooler's]] attempts to coerce (read: bully) his way into a free lunch at a local restaurant in order to impress his girlfriend fall apart when the owner and employees refuse to cave into his demands, and the jock's attempts to save face in front of his (increasingly embarrassed) date just make him look worse until it's revealed that he didn't even bring any money with him ''at all'' and he has to call his dad over to come bail him out, all while he gets berated by the other patrons at the restaurant (as well as his father when he gets there). And even after that, the kid refuses to admit defeat and posts an aggressively negative review about the restaurant that not only ends up getting himself further humiliated but ends up running off a bunch of his father's clients when they learn about it and [[YouAreGrounded gets himself severely grounded]] by his father as a result.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-even-your-husband-wants-to-teach-you-a-lesson/232738/ The woman in this story]] throws a shit-fit over losing out on five bucks due to an expired coupon. The cook demands that she either pay a generous tip and apologize to her family and the other customers for her tantrum or have the police called on her and get ticketed for disorderly conduct. She bolts and her husband quite deliberately leaves her driver's license behind as he departs. When she returns the next day to collect it, the owner passive-aggressively mocks her, and the cook reiterates the threat and forces her to comply. One of the comments directly refers to what happened as a Humiliation Conga.
* HurricaneOfExcuses:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/menage-a-fraud/ This story.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/computers-increase-the-chance-of-identity-theft-2/71240/ This bizarre example]] is this trope crossed with ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections. In one conversation, the customer claims to be a lawyer, an assistant attorney general, a board member of the chain, ''and'' the owner's nephew.
--->'''Customer:''' Do you have any idea who I am?!\\
'''Submitter:''' Do ''you''?
* HurricaneOfPuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-pun/ seen here]].
* HuskyRusskie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This guy]], though he intentionally plays up his Russian accent to scare the bejeezus out of a creepy guy who keeps calling a local pizzeria to make disturbing sexual comments.
* {{Hypocrite}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bag-of-chipocrisy/ Isn't it so inconsiderate of people to just open up the food and eat it in the store?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/effective-marketing/ "By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches."]]
** In general, there's a large number of customers who outright refuse to listen to or acknowledge what the employee is telling them, usually to continue to demand a particular product or service that the employee is directly informing them isn't available... and then berate the employee for not listening to them when their demands are unmet. Such as [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-card/ this chap.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-steak-on-rare-occasions/ This person]] wanted an extremely rare steak, and then, when the meat was uncooked, proceeded to say, "I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! Come on honey, let's go to that sushi place next door!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ This guy]] walks into an adult store in L.A. He is shocked to see that the cashier is a woman and immediately shouts that she should StayInTheKitchen, and then calls her a heathen for having a wife, and then immediately forgets the entire incident and asks her if they stock bibles. In an adult store. Like the title of that quote says, [[OnlyInAmerica "Only In L.A."]]
** "I'm an adult! Don't you [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ judge me!]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/socially-acceptable/ ObamaCare is evil Socialism! Do you mind if I pay with food stamps?]]
** Your employee didn't help my pregnant wife carry her groceries and pack them in the car! Me? [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words/ I was sitting in the car waiting for her; what's that got to do with anything]]?
** Using a machine is ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread! [[http://notalwaysright.com/loathe-of-bread-3/ No, use the machine -- I'm in a big rush.]]
** When a customer overhears an employee tell someone else that a theater is being cleaned, she mishears "Cleansed," and begins to shout how she doesn't want to be in a theater that practices all that "New age spiritual witchcraft stuff." [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-sense-toil-and-trouble/ And then goes to see Season of the Witch.]]
** After this guy has been delaying taking his wife, who is in labor, to the hospital to argue about a discount on a duffel bag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words-part-3/ "Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!"]]
** Cars shouldn't park in a parking lot if they have nothing to do with the store. [[http://notalwaysright.com/parking-up-the-wrong-tree/ It's taking up the spaces this guy's dinner guests use.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ "I'm working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/practice-what-you-preach-please/ Mommy forgot to say please.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/ This is a particularly obvious example..]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-jim-crow-one/ "Takes One To Jim Crow One"]].
** If it were taken any further, [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-must-be-smoking/ this mother]] would border on abusive.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/somebody-took-an-evolutionary-detour/ Don't you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else's conversation?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-a-fine-one-to-talk/ She still talks and talks]]...
** Why would your parents name you after an animal? [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-game-of-kat-and-birdie/ You should have a good sturdy name like Birdie.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-argument-just-went-up-in-smoke/ This]] customer complains about how energy drinks are unhealthy and should be banned... then buys some cigarettes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-a-sense-of-irony/ "People who lose expensive things don't deserve them!"]]... says the woman who retrieved her [=iPhone 4=] from the lost & found.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/c-is-for-coffee-cigarettes-and-cluelessness/ "Stop putting cancer in your coffee!"]]... says the smoker.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-the-earth-7-mpg-at-a-time/ This woman]] insists on no bags in the name of the environment. She drives an SUV.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-bow-down-to-your-desires/72403/ This employee]] wears a badge that says 'Talk dirty to me' at work. Yet when a customer actually talks mildly dirty to her, she feels uncomfortable.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-always-need-directions-part-4/ This person]] asks a worker which aisle the chips are located. Despite the worker ''repeatedly'' pointing to the chips display ''right in the aisle they're in'', the customer keeps asking for the aisle number, and the worker eventually relents and gives the aisle number. What makes the customer a hypocrite is that she returns and chews the worker out for not saying that the chips were right there. She should try listening next time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/recaf-my-decaf/ This man]] complains about a non-caffeinated drink, claiming that the pizza place must have put caffeine in it. What does he want as a replacement? A caffeinated drink.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-rude-a-blabbering/ This gabber]] holds up a checkout line by talking on her cell phone, and not listening to the cashier when prompted for extra information. When the cashier finally gives up and moves on to the next customer, the gabber has the gall to call the cashier rude! Yes, ''that's'' rude, and holding up the checkout line for five minutes and ignoring the cashier ''isn't''. [[ItsAllAboutMe Flawless logic, that]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-5/ This person]] completely flips out when the caller slightly mispronounces a location name and messes up the person's nationality, but insists that South Africa is also Zimbabwe. They'll correct others' mistakes but refuse to admit when they've got it wrong.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-let-it-get-to-her-head/ This person]] refuses to buy a hair treatment product that was used and requests an unopened bottle... even though ''she'' was the one to use it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cotton-pickers/ This woman]] touches some cotton candy despite a sign saying not to. The worker says that she has to buy it... but she doesn't want to, because she touched it. What.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-homo-critical-are-hypocritical/ "Homosexuality is a sin!"]]... says the man in line to purchase lesbian porn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-argument-isnt-loaded/ Customer says he has medical issues]] preventing him from lifting stuff — completely legit and justified. Worker says she has medical issues preventing her from lifting stuff — she's lying and lazy. The best part is that another customer [[ConvictionByContradiction calls out the first one on his bluff]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-4/ This mother]] won't let her kid get ''VideoGame/CallOfDutyBlackOps'', but lets him get ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV'' without hesitation.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/and-the-children-shall-lead-2/ "Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line?"]]… says the woman who engaged in childish antics to get ahead in line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-the-crema-of-the-crop-part-2/ I'm cutting down on sugar!]] Now get me a coffee with toffee, hazelnut, and extra cream.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-number/ This woman]] absolutely refuses to give her phone number to anyone... unless it's for a rewards program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-an-oaf-about-the-loaf-part-2/ This pizza store owner]] demands a free sandwich because the restaurant he's ordering from doesn't have one specific thing he wants on it. The cashier asks him how he would respond if a customer came into his pizza place and acted the way he's acting. [[EntitledBastard He responds by filing a formal complaint.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quick-to-find-fault-with-being-quick-to-finding-fault/ I wasted a lot of my valuable time on this superfluous call!]] Now I'm going to complain about how much of my time you wasted for ten more minutes!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ This woman]] criticizes an adult woman for buying ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'', but says no one has the right to criticize her for buying her nine-year-old son a ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'' game since her purchases are no one else's business.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cannot-speak-the-language-of-respect/ These high school boys]] demand to be treated with respect, while throwing childish tantrums because an older couple dared to speak a language other than English within earshot of them. They then complain about a time when they themselves visited Mexico and the locals continued speaking Spanish, [[ItsAllAboutMe rather than immediately learning English to make said boys' lives easier]]. When it later turns out they were at the restaurant to apply for jobs, [[LaserGuidedKarma they are immediately kicked out over this display]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/past-the-point-of-no-return/ This customer]] repeatedly fails to grasp the concept of "This is a bookstore, you don't have to return your book" and calls the worker "thick" for repeatedly saying so… then turns around and hypocritically {{Stealth Insult}}s the worker by saying very slowly, "I’m sorry to have told you that you were thick. I should have realised you were special.”
** A customer gets offended when the cashier attempts to sell her some ''Film/HarryPotter'' [=DVDs=] because [[http://notalwaysright.com/missed-the-magic-of-the-magic-kingdom/ "Any movie that delves into magic is Satan’s movies!”]]... But the movies she does buy include ''WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast'' and ''WesternAnimation/{{The Little Mermaid|1989}}'', which of course both heavily involve magic.
** Two girls cut in line and refuse to move to the back. When another customer asks an employee to make them move to the back, they punch him. When he threatens to call the cops, they sneer at him for "hiding behind the cops" because he's "[[TemptingFate too scared to fight]]", and punch him again... [[https://notalwaysright.com/way-out-of-line/ "Wait, how DARE you defend yourself when I punch you again! I'm calling the cops!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/critical-about-their-marriage-is-hypocritical/59361/ This Navy officer]] claims that a sailor is [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence defiling the sanctity of his marriage]] because he's not getting married in a Christian church, and then proceeds to cheat on his own wife with the daughter of a Rear Admiral.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-give-you-a-badge-for-that/154104/ This mother]] demands that her daughter join a Boy Scout troop (implied to have occurred before the BSA accepted girls) for being useless around the house in spite of the daughter in question being the only one in the family working, and not interested in joining. When the mother is taken to court for attempted assault and disturbance of the peace (because the submitter and the Scoutmaster refused on the grounds of her being female), the daughter sums up the issue nicely:
--->'''Daughter:''' “Frankly, she was always overzealous about others’ actions, but never considered her own. Personally, I think she deserves it.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/beware-of-geeks-bearing-gifts/191195/ This tech support customer]] constantly belittles the guys working on clearing his laptop of viruses with geek stereotypes, including that they all live [[BasementDweller in their mothers' basements]]. Their revenge hinges on the realisation that he ''does'' live with his mother.
* HypocriteHasAPoint: [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-many-different-levels-of-wtf/155261/ This customer]] actually tries to ''invert it''. Even if "Customer" honestly believes Donald Trump is the most racist, sexist, and evil human being to walk the Earth, this does not excuse him hurling racial slurs and ''making death threats'' [[DisproportionateRetribution for being asked, politely, to not shout obscenities in a library, or leave quietly]], by the white library staff member.
-->''[[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections I’m the son of a black panther,]] you f*** honky! I’ve been shot twice, stabbed twice, and I’ll be more than happy to do the same to you if you don’t f*** off and leave me alone!''
* HypocriticalHumor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/tit-for-tattoo/ This]] mother criticizes a daycare worker for having a tattoo on her foot. The woman then leans over to reveal a tramp stamp. "I’m an adult! Don’t you judge me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-in-a-handbag/ This Christian lady]] accuses the non-Christian clerk of stealing profits from the store, only to then be caught attempting to shoplift.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/treating-them-im-parcel-ly-is-only-polite/ “You should learn to f*** speak to people more politely, b***!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-yuppity-with-me/ This customer]] tries to be a ThirdPersonPerson and a GrammarNazi at the same time. You can imagine how effective it is.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/skating-past-bigotry-into-racism/ This skateboarder]] refuses to let a specific employee touch his board solely because she's female, then threatens to sue them for discrimination when they kick him out for insulting the employees. The coworker who forced him out — who is black like the customer — lampshades it with a "good luck with that, mate."
** A customer castigates another customer for ordering at a fast-food restaurant because [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-a-side-order-of-hypocrisy/ "All the food here is crap!"]]... then they order something too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pot-calling-the-kettle-everything/ “You Mexicans are all the same, never bothering to think that maybe there are more types of Asians than just Chinese people.”]] For extra irony, the waiter who the customer was complaining about was from Puerto Rico, and the manager he was addressing was from Peru.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ The mother of one of the most polite customers ever featured on the website]] tries to tell him that his manners are terrible because he's being polite to a cashier.
** This [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-race-to-be-at-the-place/ one customer]] complains that she's in a big hurry, and has somewhere she needs to be, wishing the customer in front of her would ''just hurry up''. When it's her turn in line, she then spends the next ten minutes counting out her entire purchase in loose change. And the ''"somewhere she needs to be in a big hurry"''? The lamppost just outside so she can talk on her cellphone.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/knock-your-socks-off/ "I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn't the reason she was fired."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-chequered-credit-history/ This guy]] goes off on a spiel about how his family has owned every pharmacy in town for a century, and how his family has more money than the entire mall he's in, because they don't accept checks anymore. When he shuts up long enough to try using a credit card, it is promptly declined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-one-to-snow-one/ This customer]] complains about a store being understaffed due to the snow, noting he's glad the slow moving isn't making him late for work. When the worker asks the customer why they're not at work, the response is, "Duh, the snow! Maybe you’ve noticed it? Are you blind or just stupid?!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/two-can-whine-for-ten-dollars/ This guy]] thinks "2 can dine for $9.99" on a coupon somehow means ''taking off'' ten dollars from the price, rather than paying only ten dollars instead of the actual value. The store he's trying this at in the story is the ''second'' one to explain this is not the case, and he still walks off muttering about how ''they're'' "too dumb" to honor the coupon.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tis-the-season-for-unreason/ "Well, I’m just going to take my money elsewhere.]] Somewhere they will appreciate my business. Such at [[ThisIsGonnaSuck [Big Box Store notorious for its terrible customer service].]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sudden-flood-of-laundry/ This customer]], in the same breath that she claims the submitter is being lazy for following the laundromat's policy, admits that she doesn't want to do her own laundry, she wants someone else to do it for her. Even better is she spends an ''hour'' trying to get him to do it for her, even though she claimed both that she needed the whole load done by then and that her own washer and dryer at home could have done so.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tat-settles-that/ This customer]] turns out to be a few dollars short for what turns out to be tobacco and cigarettes, but then she immediately flies off the handle at the submitter offering to help her pay for it because he's buying cigarettes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/freeze-turn-around-and-go-back/127130/ A customer at a convenience store]] spots an employee closing the sliding door to the ice cream freezer after another customer left it open for the umpteenth time and remarks that it annoys them and must annoy the employee when people leave the freezer door open to potentially ruin the ice cream inside. Guess what the customer does after getting their ice cream?
[[/folder]]
[[folder:I–J]]
* IAlwaysWantedToSayThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/strange-ambitions/ "Why would anyone bother having different kinds of coffee?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/ "I missed the only time in my life when I could have asked someone if they called that a knife."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/satisfaction-is-surely-assured/ "Don't call me Shirley!]] ''*laughs*'' [[Film/{{Airplane}} I've waited for years to make that joke!]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dovahkiins-day-off/74018/ "FUS RO DAH!"]] Funnily enough, he actually does manage to hurl the would-be thief about ''a half meter away.''
* IAmAHumanitarian: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hannibal-special/ I would like the human plate.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* IAmNotShazam[[invoked]]: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-clue-at-the-zoo/ Someone does this with]] ''Franchise/{{Madagascar}}'', of all things. [[invoked]]
* IAmNotSpock:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-there-anything-that-guy-cant-do/ "No, I look for movie]] Film/ForrestGump where [[Creator/TomHanks he]] gets Film/{{big}}."
* IAmSpartacus: Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of their stores.
* IAmVeryBritish: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintentional-prejudice-is-still-a-kick-in-the-teeth/ Defied.]]
* IAmNotPretty: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/should-stop-giving-herself-a-good-dressing-down/78605/ this story]], a woman comes in with her husband looking for a dress to wear at a military ball, but is convinced that she needs to lose more weight because she's just had a baby, even though she already has a great figure. The submitter convinces her to try on a mermaid cut halter dress, and when she puts it on, she looks (in the submitter's exact words) "drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous."
-->'''Customer:''' I don’t kn—
-->'''Husband:''' ''(knocks over chair jumping up)'' THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE! ''(under his breath)'' ...and after the ball, we can make a sibling for the baby.
* IAteWhat: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/tasty-is-tasty-friend/262633/ this story]], a customer at a buffet brunch place has been regularly consuming what she believes to be "breakfast soup". It's actually a mixture of the mushroom gravy their burgers (made from a mixture of ground beef and pork sausage) are served in, the large amount of hot grease released by said burgers, and the bread their tray was lined with -- which was there to soak up the grease, not to be eaten. Upon learning this, she turns bright red and doesn't come back for another six months -- and when she does, she doesn't have any more "breakfast soup". Amusingly, many of the commenters think it sounds absolutely delicious, albeit a NutritionalNightmare.
* ICallItVera:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-a-bullet-point-about-bertha/ Bertha the shotgun.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ Boris the Russian accent]].
* ICantBelieveItsNotHeroin:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-say-to-mah-to-i-say-pot-tah-to/ "Yeah, I have mites on my, uh... tomato plants."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/jonesin-for-some-pepperoni/ "It's as though you people put crack in it! So do you put crack in it?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/ "The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it's very bad for little girls like me."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/recipe-for-disaster-2/72446/ This one]] combines this with FreudianSlip.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/for-when-the-coffee-just-isnt-enough/156517/ This person]] misplaces a box containing their medication and then offers the employee and a coworker ''ketamine.'' [[note]] Ketamine is used as an antidepressant, but can also be used as a horse analgesic as stated by the submitter. [[/note]]
* IDontPayYouToThink: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-crazy-requests-reach-the-stratosphere/ "When Crazy Requests Reach the Stratosphere"]] - "You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up."
* IHaveBoobsYouMustObey: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-not-that-kind-of-flash-pass/ This girl.]] It was worth a try...
** Works like a charm for [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ this woman]]. But not on the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ This girl]] attempts one. [[ExcrementStatement It quickly goes downhill from there]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-daddys-little-girl-straight/ This girl]] tries one too. It doesn't work, because the cashier is gay. Even if he hadn't been, her dad saw the whole thing.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This girl]] also tries it on a gay guy, then freaks out once he explains because she thinks "gay = pervert", and she doesn't want a ''pervert'' looking at her boobs. She seems completely incapable of understanding that he's not ''interested'' in her boobs.
* IKnowKungFaux: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/i-know-crazy/ I don't know karate, but I do know 'crazy' and I'm not afraid to use it.]]"
* IKnowMortalKombat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sadly-theyre-not-horsing-around/304862/ This tourist.]]
* ILoveTheDead: [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ OH GOD NO!]]
* INeedAFreakingDrink:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/finally-closes-the-sale/ "Who's buying the first round?"]] Said after finally closing the store, nearly half an hour past the stated closing time.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-most-connected-of-families/ "I drank a lot after that shift."]] This after, in the submitter's words, having to basically explain every single technological advance related to the Internet, twice, to people who have absolutely no understanding of what the Internet is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/take-shot-dark/105239/ This guy's roommate]] apparently needed this in the middle of the night. Too bad the "drink" he found in the medicine cabinet was a friend's ''contact lenses!''
* INeedToGoIronMyDog: Many examples. Some people don't even have any sort of excuse and just run away in embarrassment.
* INeverSaidItWasPoison:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-woes/ This customer]] is asked to have his bag inspected after a camera was stolen. He immediately flies off the handle at the security guard for daring to accuse him of stealing a camera — forgetting that the guard only ever referred to it as a "stolen item".
** Among other contradictory excuses, [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ this doctor]] claims that the dogs he may or may not have never attacked anybody. The caller hadn't mentioned anything about dogs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-the-truth/304161/ This customer]] called his credit card company to dispute charges made on his card, stating that he was a "good Christian husband" who would never have gone to a Las Vegas strip club. There was nothing on the statement to indicate either the type of business or the business location [[note]]though the poster could tell from their computer system that, yep, these charges ''were'' from a Vegas strip club[[/note]]. When the poster asked the customer how he knew the charges were for a Las Vegas strip club, the man stammered briefly and hung up.
* IRejectYourReality:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/off-color-off-camera-remark/ This bizarre woman]]. Despite the bookshop worker having confirmation, including camera footage, that the woman did not leave her wallet at the counter but kept it in her bag, she refused to accept that as proof and insisted she left her wallet at the bookshop counter.
--->'''Submitter:''' "It's quite clear on the camera."\\
'''Woman:''' "Oh, I don't care what's on the camera."\\
'''Submitter:''' "[[StunnedSilence …]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-bad-sign-when-they-destroy-the-sign/126773/ This woman]] thinks that throwing away the signs saying that the customer service desk is closed means that the desk will automatically become open.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-brain-is-clearly-fried/ This man]] doesn't see fries listed on the condensed menu of a restaurant in a mall's food court and comes to the conclusion that the restaurant must not have fries, even after the cashier states repeatedly that they not only ''do'' have fries but mentions in the narration that said menu does, in fact, have fries listed on it in a few places.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/opinions-erase-facts/148555/ This customer]] thinks the company he's calling has always had a fifty dollar free shipping offer for over eighty years despite the submitter pointing out the company has never had such an offer and the company has only been around for twenty years, which the customer refuses to believe and kept saying "I'm right, you're wrong!" to justify his delusions.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-answer-to-their-question-is-just-crickets/155229/ This woman]] insists that her dying smoke detector is a cricket infestation in her house...[[TheyJustDontGetIt even after the smoke detector is fixed]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wherever-the-taxi-went-we-hope-it-was-away/176895/ This motel owner]] tries to find out where a female customer took a taxi to. Never mind why he wants to know that. Giving out this information is ''illegal'' per the Privacy Act, but the man refuses to believe such a law exists.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-relation-into-relationship-part-6-2/77100/ This woman]] is so sure the couple she's approached are siblings that when they kiss to prove otherwise, she cries incest.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-literally-what-security-cameras-are-for-lady/218760/ This woman]], after being caught shoplifting, claims that since she "didn't consent to being recorded on security cameras", [[InsaneTrollLogic she can't be arrested for shoplifting]]. [[TooDumbToLive She even called the police on the OP]], who promptly arrested her [[LaserGuidedKarma for attempted theft]].
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/does-she-know-french-fries-come-from-potatoes/253234/ this lady]], if it isn't fried chicken, ''it isn't chicken''. How does that even work?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-be-lonely-and-broke/282864/ This man]] is continually being scammed out of his money because he refuses to believe that he is not in fact communicating and sending money to his girlfriend Music/RitaOra. By the time the bulk of the story takes place he's been doing it for three years; the bank ends up closing his account when even the head of the fraud department can't convince him that his money is being stolen.
* IResembleThatRemark: A lot. [[http://notalwaysright.com/if-by-everyone-you-mean-morons-like-yourself/ Here's one.]]
* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: {{Lampshade|Hanging}}d [[http://notalwaysright.com/cause-for-pregnant-pause-part-6-3/ here.]]
-->'''Submitter:''' ''(to the problem-customer's daughter)'' ...I'm not saying that's for everyone but you don't want to wake up one day to find you're 50, miserable, bigoted, and rude.\\
'''Problem Customer:''' I'm only 42!\\
'''Submitter:''' [[SarcasmMode I'm sure that's what your daughter will remember about today.]]
* IWantGrandkids: [[http://notalwaysright.com/get-thee-to-a-nursery/ Get Thee To A Nursery]]! Maybe she will eventually meet [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-mothers-love/ this guy?]]
* IWantMyJetpack: [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-phones-not-much-to-look-at/ Stealth cellphones]].
* IWarnedYou: [[http://notalwaysright.com/weighed-down-by-your-thumbs-up/ This customer]] bought eighty 80-pound bags of cement, and tried to put them in the bed of his pickup truck all at once. The clerk and the manager told him several times that his truck would get crushed under the weight, and when the customer said it'd be fine, the manager told him to do a thumbs-up to a camera just to prove he was certain about hauling 6,400 pounds of cement in his truck. When the rear end of the truck gives out from the weight, the customer is brushed off when he demands the store replace his truck, telling him that he gave consent to load his truck with the cement even after being warned that this is exactly how it would end up, and they had video with audio of him giving this consent to prove it.
* IdiotBall: Some of these moments consist of otherwise intelligent customers having ditz moments. A few times, the customer has submitted their ''own'' ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-benefits-from-the-benefits-card/ An example featuring both the employee and the customer holding the ball.]]
* IdleRich:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-get-your-industrial-hose-in-a-twist/161563/ "One of our customers is a real estate developer — known to have too much money, too much free time, and an attitude — who owns lots of commercial property."]] Near the end of the story, it's mentioned that the customer in question likes to stand around at his properties and watch them make him money.
** Seems to be the case with [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ this woman,]] who has a BSOD when she encounters the submitter - a pupil at her daughter's expensive school - working as a cashier to make extra money. (She later complains to the school, unsuccessfully, that people like the submitter shouldn't be mingling with "real students".)
--->'''Schoolmate's Mother:''' I've never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.
--->'''Schoolmate:''' Mom... that's not the flex you think it is.
* IfICantHaveYou: Seems to be the attitude of [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-cant-handle-their-sugar/76496/ this customer]] towards the beverages her doctor's told her she can no longer drink, destroying an aisle full of cola products while ranting about not being able to drink it. Thankfully security leads her out before she can reach the whiskey.
* IllKillYou: Said by [[http://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ this]] egomaniac customer. Mercifully, security stops her before anything can come of it.
* IllPretendIDidntHearThat: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-is-what-we-call-a-texas-goodbye/239720/ This call center worker]] hangs up on a caller who is racist and abusive, despite having specific rules against doing so. A supervisor peeks into their cubicle, [[OhCrap revealing he'd been monitoring the call]]... and pointedly laments how awkward it is when calls "accidentally" drop like that.
* IllTakeThatAsACompliment: The attitude of the staff to being told they are all [[http://notalwaysright.com/flattery-is-fully-charged/ too attractive]].
* ImTakingHerHomeWithMe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fritzl-be-one-of-those-days/ ...before anyone else will!]]
* TheImmodestOrgasm: [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-whole-lot-of-noise-about-it/ That went on for over thirty minutes!]]
* ImmuneToDrugs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-to-great-pains/ This patient]]. Combined with low pain tolerance, this causes problems for the hospital.
* ImplausibleDeniability:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ask-a-stupid-question-part-2/ Nope.]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This man]] tries to return a library book that has clearly been chewed by a dog, insisting that it was like that when he checked it out (despite the librarian pointing out that they wouldn't check out a book in that state) and it couldn't have happened in his house since he doesn't own a dog. The book in question? ''A puppy-training manual.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-word-is-mud/178295/ This man]] insists that his son never wore the shoes that he is trying to return in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, namely that the shoes are absolutely caked with mud and the son vocally talking about all the places he has worn the shoes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/talking-sideways-to-get-out-of-it/236463/ This woman]] leaves her two daughters (one of whom is 12, the other a ''baby'') in a hot car while she goes shopping. Desperate for some fresh air, the older daughter tries to roll the window down and accidentally knocks it into gear, causing it to roll into the side of another car. The mother repeatedly insists [[NeverMyFault the other car must have run into hers]], despite the fact that it would have to have been moving ''sideways'' to hit it that way.
* ImpossiblePickleJar: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-tamper-seals-strength-is-totally-nuts/270044/ this story]], ''multiple'' people try in vain to open a jar of peanuts either with their bare hands or tools from a workbench, only succeeding in opening it when they use a ''vise grip''. Afterwards, one of the individuals writes to the company congratulating them on "the level of security under which you place your Dry Roasted Peanuts".
* ImpossibleTask: There is actually an entire category, "[[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/impossible-demands/ Impossible Demands]]", for things like this. For just a few among ''many'' ridiculous requests...:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-should-also-slice-dice-and-julienne-fries/68299/ This customer]] at a shoe store asks for fancy white heels that also have to be hiking sandals, completely waterproof, super comfortable, and have excellent arch support with no backstraps. The manager laughs her out of the store.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-we-suggest-you-go-to-kentucky/272838/ these women]] walk into a Popeye's when they meant to enter a KFC, they seem to fully expect the cashier to just ''magically'' turn the Popeye's into a KFC right there on the spot when they realize their mistake instead of just...you know, turning around and going to a KFC.
* InJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-deal-of-his-life/ “Yo, b***! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!”]]
* IncompatibleOrientation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-have-incompatible-operating-systems/ Doesn't matter to some people.]]
* InflationaryDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-fence-built-on-magic-beans/ A fence built on magic beans.]]
* InnocentBigot: [[https://notalwaysright.com/age-is-no-excuse-to-slur-your-words/248766/ This child]] thinks the Asian slur they picked up from RacistGrandma is just the store's name and is confused that it upset the shopkeeper. Once he explains that it's a bad word, they apologize.
* InnocentInnuendo: [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-context-is-important/ Why context is important.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-that-kind-of-store-2/ I want a woman, the cheap kind!]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/apparently-bad-parenting/ "...Cause you want to be a mother so bad that you had to take my sweet boy!"]]
---> "[[FridgeLogic If I took him, why would I bring him back?]]"\\
"Stop distracting me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/after-this-shes-gonna-need-an-antidepressant/ "Well, I'm older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right."]] Note that she's disputing an expiration date, which is clearly marked on the bottle.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/engage-the-brain-before-the-mouth/ "You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job!"]] Apparently the job the employee was clearly working at while the customer was yelling at her doesn't count.
*** That's also ignoring the fact that pre-marital sex and having babies out of wedlock, by definition, require you to not be married in the first place. As the employee's coworker said, "I don't think she thought about what she just said at all."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/handled-the-change-well/ In this story,]] a customer pays for their movie ticket with pre-counted change held inside a roll of electric tape. Naturally, it takes much longer than necessary for the cashier to count out the change - and then the other customer has the gall to try and file a complaint over how long it took when that is entirely ''their'' fault. Which, of course, the complaining customer [[NeverMyFault cannot possibly wrap his mind around]], as when he is told by a manager that the cashier could have denied them service at any time over this, he reacts by [[DeathGlare glaring at that cashier]] as though they ''did''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-acting-their-sunday-best/ This customer]] starts castigating a cashier at a Christian bookstore for said store being open on Sundays. After a bit of back-and-forth, the cashier asks her how she would buy the things she herself is trying to buy on a Sunday if the store wasn't open. Unlike [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/ the last time]] this sort of exchange happened, though, the customer is only briefly stunned by this question before she responds, "It doesn’t matter! You should be closed on Sundays! Now do your job and ring me up!"
** One client was behind in her payments, and she offered to give them some of the paintings she's made instead. When suggested that she sell some paintings for money to pay, the woman said she couldn't because it would result in her having to break up a marriage. According to her, she would have to sleep with a man to get him to buy a painting, and then his wife would find out and divorce him, and it would be all her fault!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-mute-point/ This charming customer]] openly expresses his concerns about the staff of a game store "encouraging" a girl who is mute (due to a throat injury), and insists that they should make her leave...because he believes she's mentally impaired. However, what officially puts his complaints into this territory [[note]]The girl points out that it's common for people to assume that she's mentally handicapped because of her inability to speak[[/note]] is that he seems convinced that the girl will ''make other customers impaired'', as though it was a contagious disease of some sort. In the end, the mute girl got the last laugh.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/direction-dissection/ This hotel guest]] asks for directions, only to completely lose her shit at whoever gives them for telling her what to do. This even applies to written directions printed from the Internet.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-you-to-not-drink/ This guy]] says he doesn't want a drink with his order, since his wife is getting coffee from the other restaurant they share a building with. Not two minutes later, he complains about not getting a drink with his order.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dieters-are-of-a-sweet-disposition/ This customer]] thinks that Regular Soda + Diet Sweetener = Diet Soda.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/h2-on-sale/120369/ This woman]] thinks drinking '''''water''''' is unhealthy and will kill you.
--->The water’s for [my handicapped son]. I don’t drink water. That stuff will kill you.
** Somehow, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-reason-for-complaint/134825/ this woman]] jumps to the conclusion that her local cosmetics store cannot be trusted and immediately severs all ties with them after seeing a drunk man peeing on a bus stop that bore one of the company's ads and assumed he was making an ExcrementStatement about the company.
** As noted under "MissConception," the teenage girl who insists she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian... who has a boyfriend... with whom she's sexually active... but she can't be pregnant because she's a lesbian and lesbians can't get pregnant!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/searching-for-alternative-facts/155414/ Somebody paid full price]] (of ''four dollars'') for some ornaments that I was unsuccessfully haggling over? "This is why department stores are going out of business!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-5/157761/ This woman]] wanted to sell some games, but one of them happened to be in the console at the time her family wanted to leave. Rather than turn the console on and eject the disk, they ''brought the console itself in'' so the store people could get the disk from it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-number-one-problem-drivers-face-these-days/178979/ This customer]] receives a free car wash voucher for their next visit to a car dealership and somehow comes to the conclusion that the ''only'' reason they would do so is specifically that an employee peed in his car as they were cleaning it and the dealership was trying to cover it up by giving him the voucher.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/adding-to-the-problem/179043/ A customer]] tries to prove they didn't spill coffee on the floor... by deliberately spilling coffee on the floor.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bootleg-logic/191898/ A woman]] doesn't want to spend $20 to see a movie at a theater, so she buys a bootlegged copy of it for $15 dollars from a corner shop rather than waiting for it to come out on home video or digital. However, half of the bootlegged copy was blocked by someone sitting in front of the bootlegger, so the woman went to another place and bought a ''different'' bootlegged copy from a ''different'' store for twenty bucks, but that one was bad, too, so now she is trying to see if the local library has a good copy yet.
--->'''Librarian''': [Patron], forgive me for being skeptical, but did you just hear yourself? You bought two bad bootleg copies for fifteen dollars more than you would have spent at the theater.\\
'''Patron''': Yeah, I just hate spending so much for the theater.\\
'''Librarian''': [[StunnedSilence ...?]]
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/crochet-away-2/239547/ I shouldn’t have to pay for it]] because you don’t have any employees that you need to pay. Besides all my friends will see it and I can give them your info. Of course I should get a ‘finders fee’ every time you sell one–" said by a stranger to the submitter crocheting a wedding veil at a hospital, before being warded off by the submitter's husband.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-all-started-with-a-blue-slushie/246663/ This girl]] demands the submitter pay her child support...because he didn't call her (since the submitter didn't like her due to her bad attitude and helping her friends steal from the store he worked at) and ended hooking up with her ex who got her pregnant. Somehow this is all his fault despite the baby isn't his and therefore not his problem.
** A local journalist develops a theory that a chicken laid an egg with a starburst-shaped pattern on it because [[https://notalwaysright.com/hilarious-eggsplanations/249490/ "the chicken was scared of the eclipse, and she transferred the distress onto the egg somehow"]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-go-tell-my-dad-hes-gay-i-guess/253778/ This client]] rejects a photo of two men working because [[HeteronormativeCrusader they think it's a picture of a gay couple]]. Why? One of them is wearing a polo shirt.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] uses the "put your phone in dry rice" trick. The phone ''isn't'' water-damaged, it has a cracked screen that she expects to spontaneously fix itself.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/people-still-use-directory-inquiries-in-the-digit-al-age/264913/ This caller]] seems to be under the assumption that if you lose two fingers, you lose the ability to dial 911.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-yeah-uh-what/274976/ This woman]] believes that if you don't call attention to calories contained within snack food, they don't exist.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-more-miss-cleo-for-you/67843/ This guest]] is insistent that a hotel employee stole ''something'' of hers – even though she can't find anything missing, and she doesn't even know what the item is. All she knows is that her psychic has told her an employee stole it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-the-new-woke-burger-now-with-even-more-trigger-sauce/295118/ This customer]], upon seeing the eponymous Wendy's mascot for apparently the first time, immediately comes to the conclusion that, rather than a female mascot for a non-UsefulNotes/McDonalds fast food chain, she's a transgender [[Advertising/McDonaldland Ronald McDonald]], resulting in an hour-long transphobic tirade that forces the restaurant to call the police because he's harassing customers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-what-happens-when-you-dont-fork-over-any-leftovers/303475/ This guy]] thinks using a fork makes it hygienic to eat from a store's trash.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/crocodile-dundee-is-picky-with-his-sauces/304785/ This man]] thinks it's perfectly acceptable to taste test food sauces in a store using a huge hunting knife to open the bottles, and is insistent that he's done nothing wrong even as he's being escorted out.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the first store's coupons.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sorry-theres-no-ahole-discount/125976/ This guy]] tries to get a discount based on a price-match, but is told that the item he's trying to get it for isn't eligible. His response?
--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-a-crazy-request-but-a-sty-one/213381/ Your dog gets bathed after rolling around in poo, only to roll around in poo again]]? Clearly it's grounds for a refund!
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-complaint-cuts-no-ice/180090/ this story]], the submitter tells a customer that the ice she's looking for is next to the menswear section. For some reason, this makes the customer think the submitter's mistaking them for a man.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-4-2/310197/ A pet/house-sitting employee]] arrives at a house expecting to look after the owners' dog while they're on vacation but instead finds their ''child'', whose parents have told them that the house-sitter will be feeding them and ferrying them to and from school, and who borrowed a neighbor's dog to trick the sitting company's manager. It baffles the company as to how they thought this would work ''without'' the sitters calling Child Protection Services.
* InsistentTerminology:
** Eating popcorn? Psh. [[http://notalwaysright.com/overutilized-word-underutilized-noggin/ This customer]] prefers the term ''utilize''.
** It's [[http://notalwaysright.com/power-trips-of-ten/ one hundred and thirty-six]]! Not one-three-six!
** Similarly, it's [[http://notalwaysright.com/real-numbers-imaginary-common-sense/ eighty-one thousand, eight hundred and eighteen]]. Not eight-one-eight eighteen or eight-one-eight-one-eight.
** As well, [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-a-muddle-over-the-mobble/ this woman]] insists that not only is the Welsh town Machynlleth properly pronounced ''Mobblegarnith'', but that the Welsh language is "nothing more than silly lies".
** Then we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-a-weird-world-she-has-knitted-for-herself/159385/ this woman]], who enters a craft store and wants to buy blueberries. No, they're not a food. They're long. You knit with them. Neither the OP nor anyone in the comments has been able to figure out what exactly she meant, and she storms out in a huff rather than clarify the request in any way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-meat-between-the-buns-or-her-ears/168336/ This fast food customer]] firmly believes that a plain cheeseburger doesn't have any ''burger'' on it. In other words, what she's trying to order is basically a cheese sandwich. On the bright side, when the OP (another customer) points out the flaw in her logic, she quickly realizes that "I'm an idiot."
* InsultBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/been-called-all-the-names-in-the-hundred-acre-wood/ "You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!"]]
* InterchangeableAsianCultures:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/incheon-further-away-from-the-answer/ "So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It's hard to tell."]]
** Combined with IsThatCuteKidYours and RacialFaceBlindness [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-you-speak-asian-part-3-2/230710/ This customer]] at a Chinese restaurant orders chicken teriyaki (Japanese), then, when told they don't have that, orders butter chicken (Indian). When told they don't do that either, she yells that an "Asian restaurant" should serve "Asian food", and repeats her demand for teriyaki, accusing the server of being a "lazy-a** teenager". Her rants go unheeded, however, and after twenty minutes trying to tell everyone who comes in that the restaurant is awful, she gives up and leaves, attempting to slam the door, [[FailedDramaticExit which knocks her on her backside]].
* TheInternetIsForPorn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-check-out-the-endless-what-people-think-i-do-charts/ ...and pedophiles.]]
* InvertedTrope: Most of the stories are about customers doing stupid things. Occasionally, however, it'll be the employees who goof up. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-pressing-issues/ Like this one,]] when a man with a limp comes in and asks for something "for support." The employee takes him toward the knee braces, when he asks how they help support the testicles. She politely points him toward the jock straps. [[note]]It's still partially the customer's fault for not being specific in the first place.[[/note]]
* {{Irony}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahead-of-the-game/ This customer]] tries to get a return on a stolen game. The game? ''VideoGame/{{Thief}}''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-thief-in-wolfs-clothing/85628/ This customer's dog]] helped himself to a treat at a pet store without the owner noticing (said owner, fortunately, was honest and promptly returned to the store to pay for it once they saw what the dog had done). The dog's name? ''Bandit.''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/listen-to-the-irony-of-the-situation/ This customer]] refuses to get off her cell phone while checking out of a store... while conversing with the friend on the other end about how she finds such activity rude.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly/ The South Park story]] gets ironic when you consider how [[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerandUncut the film]] the mom took her kids to is about how [[KnightTemplarParent Kyle's mom]] started a moral crusade over a movie while having a NeverMyFault attitude.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/will-have-to-chew-on-that-lie-for-a-while/81621/ This customer]] is attempting to return a book that has very obviously been damaged by chewing. The book in question was a ''puppy training manual''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-some-backpack-flack/261807/ This woman]] attempts to sneak a three-year-old child into a museum by hiding him in a very large backpack and ends up getting in trouble with the police when she panics after being caught and claims the child isn't hers. It's noted afterward that admission to museum is free for kids three and under, so the woman went through all of this trouble for nothing.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bacon-lettuce-and-taxes/ "But I don't want tax on my sandwich!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/brings-new-meaning-to-hot-food/ "Not a snack?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-abbreviation-abberation/ "abbreviation?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/weefee-rye-guy/177674/ Another example involving wi-fi er, "wee fee"]].
* IsThatCuteKidYours: More along the lines of "why the hell are you having kids?", there are cases where a customer sees another person with a child and berates them for having children at a young age. In nearly every case, the customer is so wrong.
** Like [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-and-ignorance-go-hand-in-hand/ here]]. A woman accuses a 15-year-old babysitter of having a child after seeing the babysitter and the three-year-old neighbor being watched in the park. Never mind that it would have been impossible for them to be parent and child, given the ages. [[InterchangeableAsianCultures Also,]] ''[[InterchangeableAsianCultures not]]'' [[InterchangeableAsianCultures the same nationality.]]
** Luckily, the younger sister of [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle-part-2/ this sibling pair]] points out the age problem and puts the nosy customer in their place.
** Another [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaming-special-on-the-pre-wedding-aisle/ kid shaming attempt]] here, but an employee intervenes and allows the accused to set the whole record straight. Amusingly, the employee was only expecting something along the lines of "none of your business".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/chose-a-bad-example-for-a-bad-example/ Here too]]. Turns out, the kids ''are'' hers, but she's very well off.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-engendered-confusion-part-2/ This customer]] somehow assumed a ''guy'' was a teenage mother.
* IsThisThingStillOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/third-times-a-charm-for-a-two-faced-one-track-mind/ It is]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-account-of-the-nice-attitude/ The ultra-rare somewhat nice version]].
* ItsAllAboutMe: So many customers in these stories seem to take "the customer is always right" to mean "[[EntitledBastard my satisfaction comes first, everybody else here can go to hell]]" – enough in fact to warrant [[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight their own page]].
* ItAmusedMe: The reason [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ this hotel guest]] destroyed a $400 toaster.
-->'''Submitter:''' Why would you put a paper bowl through the toaster?! The sign says bread and English muffins only!”\\
'''Guest:''' "I don't know." ''*giggles*''
* ItSeemedTrivial: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ooh-this-one-is-a-slow-burn/218737/ A flower food maker]] gets a client complaint according to which their product is too acidic. The maker excludes both a manufacturing mistake on their side and a dosage mistake on the client's side. It can't be the water either, because this happens in a country where everyone gets the same ridiculously clean water on tap, and both companies are using it to dilute the product. Four weeks' worth of tests later, both sides are stumped as to what the problem is. Until the client's representative casually mentions the hydrochloric ''acid'' they're adding to the water to prevent bacterial growth.
* ItsForABook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/murder-she-wrote/ This woman]] probably really is writing a book, but it seems to be a weird one.
* ItsPopularNowItSucks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/righteous-indie-nation/ To the point where]] "popular" is "[[ItsAllAboutMe I've heard about this]]". [[invoked]]
* ItTastesLikeFeet: The complimentary coffee in [[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-his-foot-in-his-caffeinated-mouth/178321/ this store]], according to the OP, who works there. Doesn't stop people coming in for it though, because hey, free coffee!
* JarPotty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/cup-runneth-bad-customers/104768/ This boy]] really needed to go to the bathroom while out shopping and his mother let him pee inside a plastic cup. While this normally wouldn't be an issue, the problem was that she left the cup behind a mirror in one of the fitting rooms. Gross...
* JediMindTrick: [[http://notalwaysright.com/voodoo-or-do-not-there-is-no-jedi/ This isn't the resort you're looking for]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-the-seat-save-run-in-less-than-12-parsecs/ Apparently]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/these-are-not-the-coins-you-are-looking-for/ it's]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-force-is-strong-in-this-one/ common.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Enough of a staple of ''Not Always Right'' to warrant [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight its own page]]!
* JerkassRealization: There are a few instances where the customer realizes that they've been a complete jerk to others and make up for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-change-in-atti-two-de/ This]] customer humiliates a server in front of a crowd of people because she's never seen a $2 bill before. He returns later to apologize.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/adopting-an-apologetic-attitude/ This caller]], after berating a medical office worker for following procedure, calls back to apologize for her behavior and say that she understood why the procedure was like that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suite-deal-turns-sour/ This hotel guest]] felt so bad about flipping out at an employee that the guest told the employee's boss about the situation, resulting in a raise and a complimentary penthouse stay for the employee.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saved-from-traffic-not-trafficking/ This woman]], who was convinced that a coworker who saved her kid's life was attempting to kidnap him. The next day, she comes back and apologizes, thanks him, and gives a glowing review to his boss.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/takes-a-backbone-to-stand-up-for-yourself/ This customer]] chews out a woman who parked in a handicapped space, assuming that the woman was perfectly fine and just taking advantage of the privilege. Once the woman rattles off a list of disorders that she has, the customer later apologizes for her behavior and even offers further help.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tivo-side-effects/ This man]], after realizing that he was mistaken about a fast-food promotion and acted quite out of line towards an employee and manager for it, comes back and offers to buy a meal for them.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sold-a-game-bought-a-life-lesson/ This kid]] acts hostile towards a store's employee and decides to steal something in revenge. After the employee calls him, he realizes the error of his ways and returns the item, and becomes a more polite regular of the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/capable-of-handicapping-the-capable/ This twentysomething man]] cuts off another person in a parking lot, parking in a handicapped space, despite his car having no such privilege. Once he sees that the person he cut off is a 96-year-old-woman, he helps her into the store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-4/ A customer]] who flips out at an employee returns a few days later to apologize for her behavior.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-hair-out-of-place/ This customer]] insults their driver over being a male with long hair, but after the driver explains he donates his hair every year to Locks of Love, the customer apologizes (since he had lost his son to cancer).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/milking-this-deal-for-as-much-as-its-worth/133526/ An elderly man]] bawls out a cashier over not honoring a sale that only takes place on Monday and Tuesday on a Wednesday (thinking it was still good on Wednesdays) and hauls them out to show them that he's right. When it turns out he's not, the embarrassed man admits to reading the sign incorrectly and is calm and friendly for the rest of the transaction.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-calling-out-is-good-for-your-mental-health/137256/ A man]] acting like an EntitledBastard in a restaurant drive-thru over a new trainee multitasking leaves feeling ashamed of himself (and later came in to apologize for his behavior per the word of the submitter in the comments) after the employee serving him indirectly calls him out on his behavior.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/deaf-to-reason-part-11/177542/ This person]] thinks a deaf employee is being lazy and physically attacks her. The customer even goes so far as to try and yank out ''her hearing aid.'' Fortunately the customer realized what they did.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/big-voice-belonging-to-an-eventually-big-person/189345/ A man]] flips his lid and shouts at the submitter when he comes back to get his truck from car service and discovers that [[DisproportionateRetribution the truck's floor mats had been moved from the floorboard of the truck to the back for safety reasons]] and storms out. The next day, he comes back to apologize for his behavior over such a small thing and gives the submitter a large coffee shop gift card.
* JokeAndReceive:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-need-some-irony-supplements/ This customer]] forgets what he's looking for. An employee jokingly asks if he's looking for memory aids, which turns out to be correct.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-all-pretensions/ A customer]] pays for a $70 purchase with 70 single-dollar bills; the cashier jokingly asks if the customer is a stripper, and is surprised by the "yes" answer.
* JustJokingJustification: [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-is-overreaction/ Absolutely skewered here]] via IronicEcho. Sadly, the customer (and said customer's friends) didn't seem to get it.
* JustPlaneWrong: [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-stupidity-to-new-heights-part-4/ This customer]] reacts with dread when he learns his flight from London to Berlin will be in a propeller plane rather than a jet, because "if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!", as if propeller engines are powered by magic and [[NoOntologicalInertia immediately rob whatever they're powering of all forward momentum the very instant they go out]].[[note]]For the record, even if propeller engines are inherently more susceptible to engine failures than jets, passenger planes are designed to glide safely in the event of engine failure so as to reach their destination, or the closest and safest alternative, without risking the safety of the passengers. And furthermore, if the aircraft has multiple engines, then even if one engine fails, the other engine(s) can keep the plane aloft until it reaches the nearest airport.[[/note]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder:K-L]]
* KarmicJackpot: When doing kind deeds have rewards:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-into-double-double-trouble/ This guy]], who is having a bad day and has lost his job, chases out someone who was being verbally abusive to an employee. Karma kicks in for him almost immediately when the person behind him pays for both their drinks and tells him they have a job opening for a computer technician, which he gladly takes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-people-are-not-dime-a-dozen/ This university shop worker]] covers for a customer's remaining payment. It turns out the customer had some connections in high places, and the worker is treated to an in-person viewing of Creator/LeonardoDiCaprio.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-lager-for-free-labor/ This employee]] fixes a customer's laptop very quickly and charges nothing for it. The customer returns later with a case of beer as thanks.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lounging-in-the-line/ At an airport on a stormy day]], a customer tries to help move things along by directing all the fliers checking in to the self-check kiosks, so the agents can work on re-booking people whose flights got canceled. When their own flight gets delayed by the foul weather, one of the agents gives them a free lounge pass as thanks for their help.
** After handling a caller who was not only abusive but trying to fraudulently avoid paying car insurance for her teenage son, [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-you-deny-someone-coverage-for-being-a-b/233432/ this agent]] finds out their boss was secretly monitoring their calls for a potential raise, and staying professional and calm for the whole call gets them approved for the highest rate.
** After helping an elderly customer take her groceries to the car and making small talk about their financial goals, [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-thank-you-and-then-theres-literally-putting-your-money-where-your-mouth-is/242031/ this shop worker]] gets a $20 tip from the customer, and then finds out that she went to the store manager and told them to give the worker extra hours so they can afford their goals.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-wanna-be-the-very-best-like-employee-1-never-was/244668/ this story]], the then-teenaged submitter and their brother are regulars at a toy store's weekly ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' card tournament, and soon enough they start showing up early to help set up for the tournament alongside another employee (who couldn't care less about ''Pokémon''). Soon enough the employee just quits showing up to help the kids set up, leaving them to run the whole tournament by themselves. Eventually, after three weeks(!) have passed, the store's staff realize that the submitter and their brother were running everything, but they are so impressed with how good a job they have been doing that they forget about the slacker employee[[labelnote:*]]Nobody ever seems to find out what happened to him, whether he quietly quit his job or spent the morning in the break room while the submitter and their brother ran everything[[/labelnote]] and just hire the submitter to run the ''Pokémon'' tournaments full-time!
--->''To this day, I still have it in my resume that my first job was as a Pokémon Master. The strange thing is that not a SINGLE employer has ever questioned it.''
** While helping a friend shop for clothes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-yet/251343/ this sharp-dressed submitter]] is mistaken for a salesman by another customer. After helping her find an actual employee to answer the question, the store manager appears, compliments the submitter's tact and courtesy in handling the situation, and asks if they want a job (they do, and they start the next week).
** A two-for-one case in [[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-pay-it-forward-to-a-whole-new-level/298544/ this story]]. The store's owner and cashier show compassion to a local homeless man, ensuring he always gets a decent meal and a drink with an instruction to pay what he can, even if it's only a few cents. One night, shortly after the homeless man pays them a visit, the store is attacked by an armed robber, and the homeless man, upon hearing the commotion, immediately runs back in to protect the cashier and store. The homeless man then gets a Karmic Jackpot of his own as his story makes the news and he receives multiple job offers, allowing him to get off the street and get his life back together.
* KarmicNod: After impulsively slapping a teenage hostess's behind and getting whacked in the throat with her clipboard hard enough to draw blood, [[https://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sweet-even-when-its-an-accident/240720/ this guy immediately admits he deserved it]] and tips her a hundred dollars as an apology, as well as continuing to apologize for the rest of the evening.
* KickTheSonOfABitch: [[https://notalwaysright.com/hey-mr-dj-put-my-record-on/ This DJ]] gets tired of dealing with a patron who absolutely refuses to wait for the requested song to come up in a queue, storms out, only to storm back in, forcing past security, moments later and starts attacking other patrons with a knife. As the offending patron gets arrested, the DJ plays the requested song "as a parting gift."
* KillerRabbit: "When was your last tetanus shot?" "Let me see... honey, [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-ill-be-ducked/85932/ when was I bit by that duck?]]"
* TheKilljoy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-worry-working-retail-will-do-this-to-you-eventually/294575/ This bizarre customer]] takes issue with a cashier being too happy as they work.
* KindheartedCatLover: The most aggressive cat in the shelter [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-cat-is-gone-in-a-creampuff/135595/ gets adopted by one]], who renames him Creampuff. Most of the shelter workers are convinced [[DeconstructedTrope the adoption will fail and the cat's rehabilitation progress will be ruined]]. [[ReconstructedTrope As OP learns, however, this is very much not the case and he is now a ball of cuddles.]]
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: A lot of customers show up thinking they know best. None of them can be reasoned with. All of them are ''wrong''.
* KnowWhenToFoldEm: [[https://notalwaysright.com/storage-wars-christmas-special/242728/ This lady]] gives up screaming about the price of Christmas storage items when the cashier grabs a nearby sign to show her it DOES say they're excluded from the post-Christmas sale. Apparently she expected the cashiers not to have the option of proving her wrong, as she's specifically described as surprised when the cashier steps away from the register to get the sign.
* TheKlutz: [[http://notalwaysright.com/im-falling-and-calling-to-pieces/ This customer]], who drops the phone and remote repeatedly until the call drops.
* LadyLooksLikeADude: Invoked by name [[http://notalwaysright.com/dude-needs-some-sleep/ here,]] by a rather disheveled woman.
* LameComeback: One that's not even in response to an insult, made by someone who seems to consider everything at the store "stupid".
-->'''Cashier:''' “Have a nice day!”\\
'''Customer:''' “Well... you... DON’T have a nice day!”
* LandOfFaerie: They have natural lilac hair with blue tips, big grey eyes, and slight Irish accents. [[http://notalwaysright.com/slightly-accented-hair/ They come from Canada]].
* LanguageEqualsThought: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/full-definition-jacket/126068/ No, I want a JACKET]]..." The seller is from Washington and considers a "jacket" a specific style of outerwear. The customer is from Arizona, and any item of outerwear is a "jacket". She wants a winter coat. The seller later quizzes their coworkers and finds that none of them distinguish between styles of outerwear.
* LargeHam: Some of the aforementioned {{Cloud Cuckoolander}}s.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preaching-to-the-converted/ This]] guy does a good job of it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ THE LARGE MOUNTAIN JEW!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-nicknames-are-born/ STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!]]
** How [[https://notalwaysright.com/my-roommate-is-my-pet-hate/82688/ this customer]] copes with his {{Jerkass}} roommate forcing him to buy pet food for his cat at 4 in the morning after a terrible shift, just so he can go clubbing.
* LaserGuidedKarma: Now has [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight its own page]].
* LaterInstallmentWeirdness:
** The addition of non-dialogue stories can be seen as a minor example.
** After avoiding crossposting for a very long time, late 2020 onward has seen an increase in stories crossposted from various "bad customer" [[Website/{{Reddit}} subreddits]].
* LethallyStupid:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/po-tential-k-atastrophe-averted/32949/ This mother]] lets her young son play around unsupervised with dangerous chemicals at a university lab, on the grounds that her husband is a chemist so he's used to doing such things. Of course, when the sink explodes, her first reaction is to yell, [[NeverMyFault "Your wretched lab could have killed my son!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/drowned-out-by-their-stupidity/176882/ This person]] demands a refund after the pet fish they bought only a week earlier died, even going so far as to accuse the pet store of poisoning it. It turns out that the reason the fish died was that the owner ''took it out of its tank''... because they thought it was '''drowning'''.
** The client in [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-positive-that-this-should-never-have-happened/218370/ this story]] calls a technician round to his house to fix his network, despite the fact that he's [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic in quarantine]]. He can't understand why the tech has a problem with this -- after all, ''he's'' feeling fine, and look, he's wearing a mask! And yes, the tech got infected as a result -- an asymptomatic case, as it turned out, although had they not overheard the client casually mention on the phone that he was quarantining, they could have ended up passing it on to goodness only knows how many people.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/pray-she-doesnt-get-puppies/254060/ another pet fish horror story]], a teenager's Silver Dollars all die less than twenty-four hours after she purchases them because ''she took them out of their tank to "play with them"''. There is much internal screaming from the submitter until an elementary schooler in line behind the teen [[WhatWereYouThinking reams the teen out]] for somehow not realizing that fish need to stay in water to survive.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/finding-nemo-but-losing-your-patience/306666/ This aquarium worker]] apparently regularly has to deal with parents dangling their babies over '''an open shark tank''', who tend to react with disbelief [=and/or=] anger when told not to. One dad apparently thinks that, if he drops the kid, the minimum wage worker will simply just jump in with the sharks to retrieve them.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shes-a-salty-cracker/116946/ This tourist]] thought a bird was thirsty, and thought the appropriate reaction was to ''dunk it in seawater''.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: Somewhat common on here. A customer has a crazy, if not impossible, request. The store associate repeats it back to the customer, just to make sure that he/she hears correctly, and often rephrasing it to highlight the implausibility of it. The (often {{Jerkass}}) customer will probably respond in one of several ways: "Well? Get going! I'm not waiting here all day!", "Argh, you're just being lazy/intentionally unhelpful!" or, best of all, "Exactly! God, is that so hard to understand?"
* LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain:
** After a customer realizes they're holding the IdiotBall, they may apologize and then say this. [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-sign-up-for-delivery-by-delorean/ One example]] featuring a customer who lost track of what day it was.
** Said by the submitter in [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-embarrassing-game-of-cat-and-mouse/193067/ this story]] after discovering that the dead mouse they called an exterminator for was really a cat toy.
* LifeImitatesArt:[[invoked]] [[WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDameDisney A physically deformed, sweet-natured person]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-word-is-r-rated/ who does fine wood carvings.]]
* LifesavingMisfortune: [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-humbling-time-for-all-of-us/187174/ This story]] is what happens when the "Why is my large and complicated order taking so long, I have important places to be!" customer's "important place" is [[UsefulNotes/TheWarOnTerror the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001]]. One week later, the customer is back to thank the worker for the delay with his wife and daughter in tow.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-boss-didnt-record-your-request-2/65236/ This owner]] of a London recording studio was forced to cancel his flight to the US for Christmas because the night before the scheduled flight, a clueless manager locked up for the night while several people were still inside, ultimately requiring the intervention of the Fire Brigade to liberate them, and the owner had to stay in England to deal with the mess that resulted (including a very peeved Fire Brigade). The flight the manager was supposed to be on was the ill-fated Pan Am 103, which was brought down over Scotland by a terrorist bombing.
* LikeIsLikeAComma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-like-mean/ Um, like, literally!]]
* LikeMotherUnlikeDaughter:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/hermione-granger-and-the-weekend-shifts-at-whole-foods/282976/ The mother and daughter of this story]] could not be more different. The mother nearly has an aneurysm when she learns that the OP, who is working as a cashier at a grocery store, is attending the same expensive prep school as her daughter, even when OP doesn't reveal the real reason (they come from a poor family and want to help ease the burden, instead saying they think working would become a more open-minded person). Said daughter, on the other hand, is shown to be much more down to Earth and understanding, even cheerfully greeting OP upon realizing its them. Their dynamic is summed up perfectly with this exchange following OP's fake excuse for working.
---> '''Mother:''' Nonsense! I’ve never worked a day in my life, and look how I turned out.\\
'''Daughter:''' Mom… that’s not the flex that you think it is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-tired-daughter-of-jane-complain/301435/ This story]] about a woman who takes pleasure in finding something to complain about every time she enters the store, and her daughter, who is mortified by this, and takes steps to ensure she ''doesn't'' have anything to complain about by secretly pre-ordering ''every variety of oatmeal'' before her mother comes in, finds out which variety isn't on the shelf, and insists she can only have that one. After the mother has had the wind taken out of her sales, the daughter donates the other boxes to charity.
* LiteralMetaphor:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/70049/ "Would you like to see my bird?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-if-the-duck-wanted-some-wings/246866/ "[The intercom]'s just making duck noises."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-even-have-a-name-for-this-problem/203289/ This guy]], after blowing up when the clerk says they can't check the situation unless they have a name, repeatedly says "You have no idea who you're dealing with!" As the clerk points out, they really ''don't'', which is the problem.
* LiteralMinded: That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
** [[FlippingTheBird "Flip off]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-flippantly-part-3/ the power switch"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeder-mice-not-included/ Python needed to run script]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-5/ Here's a tip for ya...]] Fortunately, she does understand the real meaning of the word.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ Software can convert photographs]], but it can't make the people ''in'' the photograph convert their religious beliefs.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice/ "Employees must wash hands."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/misery-in-a-can/ This kid]]. He knocks over a display of soup cans, throws one at another customer, then smashes a glass bottle - all because his mother told him to "make someone else miserable for once".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-pen-is-mightier-than-the-brain-2/ “You want me to right-click?”]]
* LittleGirlsKickShins: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fixing-for-a-fixing/ In this story]], a little girl kicks the shin of a horrible customer while [[PunctuatedPounding saying "You! Are! Not! A! Nice! Man!"]]
* LogicalFallacies: A fair chunk of the entries on the site are of customers who, when confronted with the fact that they might be wrong about something, choose to stubbornly hold on to their mistaken belief in the face of all evidence and logic otherwise. This leads them to some breathtakingly inaccurate conclusions.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ This customer]]. Also, a fairly JustForFun/{{Egregious}} [[UsefulNotes/LogicalFallacies Begging the Question]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-and-cookbooks-are-written-by-the-victors/ Apparently Japan losing WW2 means their food isn't safe to eat.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/license-to-breed/ And this one]], although some might argue that this ''should'' [[ThereShouldBeALaw be made a law]]...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/used-and-abused/ If you never wore it]], how do you know it doesn't fit right?
* LockedDoor: [[https://notalwaysright.com/locked-misunderstanding/104430/ Inverted here]] The guest didn't know that their door was unlocked because the locks use regular physical keys rather than cards.
* LondonEnglandSyndrome:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/ "I would like a ticket to Paris, USA."]](Perhaps an inversion of this trope, as the customer assumed this just happens because Americans are stupid, and ends up looking like a fool because of it.)
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-fail-part-2/ This Canadian]] manages to fall afoul of a similar situation since it's not immediately clear to the cashier whether the customer is talking about the Canadian province of Ontario, or a ''city'' named Ontario.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** Attempted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-late-than-clever/ this woman]]. The daycare had a rule that parents must sign out their kids by 4 PM or face additional charges. The woman signed her daughter out on time but left her there while she ran other errands for another 45 minutes. Luckily, the daycare didn't put up with her crap and charged her anyway.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-pull-up-to-the-next-fast-one/ This man]], too. The restaurant had a policy that if the customer didn't get a receipt, their meal was free. What does he do? Shove the money into the drive-thru attendant's hands and ''immediately'' speeds to the next window. The drive-through guy didn't have time to even ''offer'' a receipt, but that matters not. The speeder argues this point and sadly gets away with it. Drive-thru guy wises up, though, and offers a receipt ''before'' taking the money next time the speeder rolls around.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/freely-fraudulent/ This man]] wants a bunch of free ice cream samples in a cup. It's not a cup of ice cream, you see, because it's all free samples! The employee didn't put up with his crap, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-like-a-has-bean/ This grocery store customer]] attempts this with coffee beans, which were priced by weight. As a single coffee bean's weight is minuscule (and therefore technically costs nothing), she bags numerous beans individually in an attempt to circumvent the pricing. Unfortunately for her, she didn't anticipate [[DevelopersForesight the automatic checkout to catch her tactic]] -- it stops ''because'' she didn't combine them. The manager then weighs all the beans and bags she tried to make off with and [[LaserGuidedKarma forces her to pay the massive price for them]] because, according to them, they couldn't take back food that was handled.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/reason-for-refund-holds-water/ The customer]] does have a point about a retail store's return policy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-taxing-conversation-part-2/ This woman]] attempts this with taxes by trying just about every combination of filing possible in order to maximize her return.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/burger-budgeting-101/ This customer]] picks off one ingredient every time he orders a burger so that he has another burger at the end of the week.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-cop-holder-with-drink/ This lady]] walks into a movie theater with half a bottle of wine and attempts to invoke this trope.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-one-customer-knows-more-than-all-the-doctors/201419/ This guy]] attempts to make up his own loophole after being told that, by city mandate, he must [[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic wear a mask]] while in the building. First, he declares that he's [[ImpliedDeathThreat a concealed-carry owner]] and "knows the Constitution", then tries to invoke the "thirty-ninth amendment", which ''doesn't even exist''.[[labelnote:*]] The story takes place in Colorado according to the tags. The US Constitution has just twenty-seven amendments (and, if all the current proposals were passed, would still only have thirty-three). As for Colorado's state constitution, its process works differently; the 39th amendment would be the 39th one ''proposed'', which didn't actually pass, and, obviously, had nothing to do with mask-wearing anyway.[[/labelnote]] Repeating his boast about "[[BlatantLies knowing the Constitution]]" fails to impress anybody, and after being threatened with police action, [[KnowWhenToFoldEm he backs down and puts a mask on]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-yall-do-this-crap-at-home/235963/ This group of drug users]] change up who books the motel rooms where they partake, so the motel staff can't tell it's the same group and doesn't have their names to ban them all.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/disclaimer-this-may-or-may-not-be-legal-where-you-live/255355/ This drunk]] tries to get around drunk driving charges by going out for more beer by ''riding a horse into the store''. The submitter never found out if he got arrested or not, but at the very least, he didn't get his extra beer, and he was last seen having a discussion with a police officer.
* LovableSexManiac: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rated-immature/ This guy]] prank-calls a video store asking for porno. Turns out they have an entire section. He turns into a polite repeat customer.
* LoveOverridesTheLaw: {{Subverted}}. [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-hangover-doesnt-taste-so-suite-2/39831/ In this story]], a guy thinks he shouldn't have to pay for the damage he and his girlfriend did to a hotel room due to this trope.
[[/folder]]
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[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToF Tropes A to F]] | '''Tropes G to L''' ([[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight It's All About Me]], [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight Jerkass]], [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight Laser-Guided Karma]])| [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] ([[TheyJustDontGetIt/NotAlwaysRight They Just Don't Get It]]) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
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* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
to:
*
* GagPenis: Yeah,
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is (albeit sometimes with dubious applicability).
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
-->'''Police Officer''': Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.
-->'''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
-->'''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisLives: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ In Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EnfanteTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-no-parenting-experts-but-maybe-stop-handing-the-kid-glass/291821/ This toddler]] smashes ''three'' jars of peanut butter because they don't like it. Naturally, the mother is hesitant about paying for it.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.
* EntertainmentAboveTheirAge:
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-jurassic-park-is-pg-13/84640/ This Is Why Jurassic Park is Rated PG-13]], a girl who appears to be about five says [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior she loves to draw dinosaurs covered in blood]], implying that she's been watching ''Film/JurassicPark'' (though she might simply be a young girl with a disturbing [[MsImagination imagination]] going through a [[KidsLoveDinosaurs dinosaur phase]]).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-i-for-immature-part-2/75162/ Rated I For Immature, Part 2]], two young kids try to buy ''VideoGame/Halo3'', only to be turned down because they're too young to buy an M-rated game, much to their ire.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-c-for-child-welfare/69951/ Rated C For Child Welfare]], two parents try to take their kids who are six and eight to see ''Film/FinalDestination1'' in 3D. When the OP objects to this, the father claims their kids' favorite movies are ''Film/SawI'' and ''Film/SawII'' (though it's possible he was lying).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-and-get-incarcerated-so-fast-part-2/72233/ They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2]], an eight-year-old boy wants to buy an M-rated game. The OP tells him he can't buy it without his mother's permission. [[PermissiveParents His mother doesn't give a damn about the game's content as long as her son pays for it himself.]]
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-grand-theft-tantrum/173006/ A Grand Theft Tantrum]], a boy who is said to look about nine years old demands the OP to let him buy ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoClassic'' and starts [[TantrumThrowing throwing video games around in a rage]] when the OP refuses to let him buy any because he's too young.
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even laws of physics) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people
** And then there's [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-that-entitlement-slide-into-the-bus-lane/85680/ this woman]], who seems to think that spending a lot of money at a store entitles her to be able to flag down any of its employees and have them taxi her about.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** Upon being denied
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave
** The stories filed under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "extra stupid"]] tend to fall
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning
** [[https://notalwaysright.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have
* GetOut: Many stories involve
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How
** [[https://notalwaysright.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak:
** Back when professional-grade copy machines were ''much'' harder to work on, we have [[https://notalwaysright.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there
** When trying to buy ice cream for the sale price... 1) make sure you have the correct size container of ice cream, 2) make sure the sale is current, [[RuleOfThree 3)]] '''make sure you are in the correct store'''. [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-ice-cream-really-does-make-you-scream-part-2-2/214653/ And when you fail on all three points, don't yell at the cashier]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-day-the-music-died-5/186687/ This genius]] somehow broke multiple displays of rare and extensive antiques just by trying to
*
** [[http://notalwaysright.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm-2/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ Leap years]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ New Jersey accents are only on television to get ratings]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-fools-mortals/88696/ Shakespeare is just a corporate mascot for Big Theatre]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--->'''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."
* EtTuBrute: There are numerous stories where the manager will break policy, berate the OP for not doing so, or otherwise side with the entitled, unreasonable "Customer." Sometimes even costing the store money in the process. A particularly glaring example [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ here]] where Manager initially sides with OP in upholding the restaurant's policy regarding the "to go" salad bar, until Customer specifically targeted OP ''at least three days in a row'', buying the "to go" salad, and demanding a refund for not getting the lid, in advance, until Manager turns on and blames the employee for the refunds, and then Customer, "thanks" OP by overfilling the lid and spraying cottage cheese around while trying to close the plate onto the lid, which OP then has to go and clean up.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie-2/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-more-you-read-the-worse-it-gets-fourth-of-july-edition/294943/ Two young men]] try to steal alcohol because they're underage... except they aren't, they're both of legal age. They just failed to do the math and thought they were younger than they are.
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ This one]] has a lesbian accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-3/ The store this employee works at]] has a policy of checking the receipt of every shopper to discourage theft. A black customer accuses the submitter (who is the employee stationed at the exit that day) of targeting him specifically, despite the fact that he was in a line where ''everybody'' was getting their receipts checked regardless of who they were. He backed off when the guy in line behind him, who also happened to be African-American, stood up for the employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided-2/119916/ Another "gay card" user]]. Because the OP did not go check his ''tire pressure'' immediately, due to being occupied with another customer, the "customer" begins ranting that OP was trying to deny him service because he's gay. [[LaserGuidedKarma OP, who is also gay, then goes to refuse him service.]]
** Used for ''good'' in the case of "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ Captain Camp and The Russian Lady]]" who learn that the employees ''want'' customers to complain about a faulty anti-theft device, because it's the only way it's going to be fixed, and declare they can use their minority status to ensure they're listened to.
--->'''Woman''': I ham up accent on phone. He will ham up the gay. Use trigger word.\\
'''Man''': It's discrimination, darling!\\
'''Woman''': Captain Camp and The Russian Lady will aid you!
** An (able-bodied) customer who [[https://notalwaysright.com/disabling-his-complaint/119203/ accuses two workers of ableism]] because they grabbed someone's wheelchair without asking ... while it was careening downhill, completely out of control. No, the opinion of the guy in the chair ''doesn't'' matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/explaining-the-science-will-do-a-fat-lot-of-good/309952/ A customer at an ice cream shop]] tells the cashier that she is trying to reduce her fat in-take. The minute the customer says the word "fat", the customer in line directly behind her explodes into a tirade about discrimination toward fat people even though the only mention of "fat" was referring to nutritional fat.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem-2/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* EvilIsPetty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ This woman]] first goes to the newly hired, first job, sixteen-year-old employee to purchase the "to go" salad, rather than the all you can eat. When she demands the lid, in advance, knowing full well this is in violation of the written policy because the lid is clearly bigger than the plate meant to go with it, she badgers the employee, who stands by store policy. Not being able to get OP to budge, she slams the plate down and demands a refund. Manager provides refund, tells OP was correct. Woman leaves. End of story, right? '''''WRONG'''''. The woman returns and specifically targets the same employee, ignoring other cashiers, even if their lines are empty, including the manager, ''at least three more days in a row'', until the manager, despite seeing the woman's behavior first hand, turns on and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming blames the employee for all the refunds]] and says "just do whatever it takes to make the customer happy." Lo and behold, the woman not only fills ''the lid'' to overflowing from the salad bar, but to add insult to injury and injury to insult crushes her salad with so much force that it squirts cottage cheese over the salad bar, and the floor, which then OP has to go and clean up while spewing "There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? You have a nice day, sweetie!" to never return.
* EvilTwin: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sisterhood-of-the-judgmental-rants/59983/ This story]] features twin sisters who work as cashiers at the same grocery store. One is polite and courteous while the other is snobby and judgmental, treating a woman rudely for having a young daughter and being on welfare, even though (as her sister points out) [[{{Hypocrite}} she had her own son when she was 15.]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-customers-are-a-sign-of-the-end-times/156196/ "Let me know when there's a great flood, then you can skip my lunch!"]] This was during a major earthquake in Manila and as if on cue a large Biblical flood occurs outside complete with screaming from the terrified citizens.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unloading-some-beautiful-malicious-compliance/215064/ This woman]] is so spiteful about being asked to move her car away from a coffee shop's fire exit that she moves it to the shop's loading area instead. Sure enough, the delivery truck shows up right after she does this and she's so reluctant to move again that she expects the truck to be "unloaded around her". The coffee shop's manager agrees to do so... by completely surrounding the woman's car with the delivered boxes and ''double''-checking everything before it's put in the stockroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/buying-insurance-to-cover-the-insurance/242047/ This insurance customer]] attempts to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] this. When a system error causes their car's insurance to temporarily show as invalid, and the agent they speak to agrees to compensate for travel arrangements in the interim, they ''buy another car and insurance'' and attempt to get the company to pay the £7,200 they spend on them, arguing that no restrictions were made on what 'travel arrangements' meant. [[LaserGuidedKarma In the end, they walk away with nothing.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend
** [[https://notalwaysright.
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats,
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are
** [[https://notalwaysright.
** [[https://notalwaysright.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for
*
* ExtremeDoormat: Generally speaking, managers who cave in to bratty customers' demands (whether out of worry over
*
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a
Added DiffLines:
[[folder:F]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:G]]
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
[[/folder]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:G]]
* TheGadfly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/timeshare-beware/ A husband and wife, forced to sit in a timeshare presentation, proceed to troll the presenter.]]
* GagPenis: Yeah, [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-pinot-noir-in-your-pocket/ not falling for it.]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ This guy.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-a-jedi-shall-know/ And this couple]].
* GenreSavvy: To their credit, some of the customers are able to realize and/or acknowledge when they're having a ditz moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-starting-to-catch-on/ At least one mentioned the site.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ Coworkers can be genre savvy too!]]
** Also, many employees become this. Instead of thinking nobody could possibly be that stupid, they make allowances for the fact that [[http://notalwaysright.com/preempting-stupidity/ yes, people really are]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-method-to-the-madness/ This person]] manages to skip the entire argument part by figuring out that, by "drink", the customer means "dipping sauce", and vice versa.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/precarious-insurance-part-3/ This customer]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-language-speaks-you/ this one]] recognized and submitted their ''own'' ditz moments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock-part-2/ This customer]] picked up on a fellow customer's StealthInsult because they saw it in [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-translation-is-a-shamrock/ an earlier entry on Not Always Right itself]]... But reading the site didn't stop him from acting like someone who belonged on it, as the first customer [[LampshadeHanging lampshades.]]
** Upon being denied a refund, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-attitude-about-a-bad-attitude/ this woman]] recognizes that she's getting upset and extracts herself from the situation before she can explode. The dumbfounded employee notes that she's the first customer who's just left rather than throwing a tantrum.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-scanning-and-self-aware/ This grocery store customer]], having not worked in retail for years, realized that she became one of ''those'' customers when she failed to notice two signs with specific instructions on them.
** Stories where a customer attempts to scam a store by, for instance, paying for a small purchase with a ten-dollar bill and then claiming they gave the cashier a twenty instead and are being short-changed, were absurdly common for a period in November 2013. Enough that in almost every one of them the employees are already familiar enough with the scam that they never fall for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidly-honest/ This guy]] admits to the nurse checking him in that his reason for being at the clinic is "something stupidity related".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-for-a-discount/ This employee]], after witnessing a customer who complains about the number of items she herself picked out and about how slow the transaction is going when she is only putting one item at a time on the counter, immediately knows she's going to complain about the total price, and so automatically applies the senior discount to it just to keep her from complaining further ([[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which she does, anyway]]).
** When [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-purr-sonable-cat/ this police officer]] ends up being called to the animal shelter the submitter works at, his reaction to learning that the "vicious rabid animal" he was sent after is neither rabid nor vicious is "that's what I thought".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-just-tanked/82645/ The submitter]] got confused about the purpose of a scrub brush for their new pet bearded dragon (it was for the tank, not the lizard) and ended up asking the employee. They even mention the site by name at the end.
* GeorgeJetsonJobSecurity: Entitled customers will often try to have this invoked on employees if their (often impossible) demands aren’t met. Most of the time it fails.
* GetOut: Many stories involve the employees or manager asking an unruly customer to leave (nicely at first). All too often, the unruly customer in question requires the threat of force (or, in some cases, ''actual'' force) before they leave the premises.
* TheGirlWhoFitsThisSlipper: How [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-stole-her-precious/ this]] security guard ultimately resolves the situation of the submitter's wedding ring being stolen by a young girl.
* GirlyGirlWithATomboyStreak: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ballerina-rex/77812/ This little girl in a ballerina outfit]] loves toy dinosaurs.
* GivingUpOnLogic: Read long enough, and there will be a story where some poor employee is resigned to doing this just to be done with dealing with a trouble customer.
* GladIThoughtOfIt:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-woodnt-i-think-of-that/ As seen here.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/are-we-even-speaking-the-same-language/257915/ This service desk caller]], who is too busy explaining how vital their malfunctioning tablet is to them to listen to the poster telling them (six times) that restarting it will solve the problem, suddenly has a bright idea -- how about restarting it?
--->'''Caller''': How come you didn’t think of that? Maybe I should be doing your job!
* GlobalIgnorance: Any story tagged with Geography is an example. Examples range from New Mexico not being part of the United States, to trying to ask for local directions from San Diego to San Antonio.
* TheGlassesGottaGo: Sort of - [[http://notalwaysright.com/beauty-is-in-the-eyeglasses-of-the-beholder/ this customer]] thinks the glasses should stay on because the submitter is ''too'' attractive without them.
* GodwinsLaw: For [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding/ this lady]], a store refusing to apply coupons for one brand onto her purchase of an entirely different brand means they and everyone currently shopping there are Nazis.
* GoldDigger: [[http://notalwaysright.com/distresses-over-mistresses/ This person]] apparently believes all women should be gold diggers.
* GrammarCorrectionGag: It's difficult to make an intelligent ''literary'' argument [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ when one can't even spell the word "money"]].
* GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
* {{Greed}}: The primary motivator of a lot of these customers, who will turn into liars, cheats, and bullies for the chance of a (usually pretty minor) discount.
* GreekChorus: Sometimes show up as customers or coworkers.
* GretzkyHasTheBall: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-put-the-ball-in-the-customers-court/ "Do you have]] a [[UsefulNotes/{{Baseball}} New York Yankees]] [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball football?"]] (This may be coincidentally accurate, as there were four different New York football teams between 1926 and 1951 named the Yankees or Yanks.)
* GrievousBottleyHarm: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-stayed-clear-of-the-bottle/ this martial arts practitioner]] takes out a robber.
* GroinAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/my-dog-thinks-youre-nuts/ Even dogs are getting in on the act...]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-stop-the-music/ This one]] doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the submitter.
* GruesomeGrandparent: A previous incident is related in [[https://notalwaysright.com/day-scare-2/284619/ this story,]] in which a woman had been micro-dosing her grandchild with whisky to keep them sleepy and overdid it, meaning that when she handed them over to a daycare the baby was drunk. Her subsequent denial and the lawsuit against the daycare that followed formed part of the reason why the daycare no longer admits children while they're asleep.
* GrumpyOldMan: Numerous, but particularly [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ this guy, who, unfortunately for the employee, carries a cane]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-the-generation-blame/ this guy]], who will complain about ''everything'' about modern times and people.
[[/folder]]
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-4-2/310197/ A pet/house-sitting employee]] arrives at a house expecting to look after the owners' dog while they're on vacation but instead finds their ''child'', whose parents have told them that the house-sitter will be feeding them and ferrying them to and from school, and who borrowed a neighbor's dog to trick the sitting company's manager. It baffles the company as to how they thought this would work ''without'' the sitters calling Child Protection Services.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/straight-up-violence/127901/ This mother]] demands that someone else serve her because she seems to think that if her son is served by someone who's gay, it'll make ''him'' gay. Then, when she sees a female worker be brought lunch by her girlfriend, she screams at them and when her son reacts, she slaps him.
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Just For Pun is a disambiguation
Deleted line(s) 416,418 (click to see context) :
* JustForPun:
** Most of the titles are punny.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-positive-ending/ Should be criminally charg-- darn, I did it again]]!
** Most of the titles are punny.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-positive-ending/ Should be criminally charg-- darn, I did it again]]!
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shes-a-salty-cracker/116946/ This tourist]] thought a bird was thirsty, and thought the appropriate reaction was to ''dunk it in seawater''.
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** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-complaint-cuts-no-ice/180090/ this story]], the submitter tells a customer that the ice she's looking for is next to the menswear section. For some reason, this makes the customer think the submitter's mistaking them for a man.
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** A two-for-one case in [[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-pay-it-forward-to-a-whole-new-level/298544/ this story]]. The store's owner and cashier show compassion to a local homeless man, ensuring he always gets a decent meal and a drink with an instruction to pay what he can, even if it's only a few cents. One night, shortly after the homeless man pays them a visit, the store is attacked by an armed robber, and the homeless man, upon hearing the commotion, immediately runs back in to protect the cashier and store. The homeless man then gets a Karmic Jackpot of his own as his story makes the news and he receives multiple job offers, allowing him to get off the street and get his life back together.
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There's not enough context to decide if this qualify or not. According to the story tags, it happened in the English-speaking part of Canada, but the complete absence of mention of which language was used makes not unplausible the entire conversation actually was in French.
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--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because [[BlatantLies I don’t speak English]]!”English!”
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--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
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--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because [[BlatantLies I don’t speak English!”English]]!”
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-a-crazy-request-but-a-sty-one/213381/ Your dog gets bathed after rolling around in poo, only to roll around in poo again]]? Clearly it's grounds for a refund!
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[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToF Tropes A to F]] | '''Tropes G to L''' | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
to:
[[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToF Tropes A to F]] | '''Tropes G to L''' | ([[ItsAllAboutMe/NotAlwaysRight It's All About Me]], [[Jerkass/NotAlwaysRight Jerkass]], [[LaserGuidedKarma/NotAlwaysRight Laser-Guided Karma]])| [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] ([[TheyJustDontGetIt/NotAlwaysRight They Just Don't Get It]]) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the store's coupons.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the first store's coupons.coupons.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sorry-theres-no-ahole-discount/125976/ This guy]] tries to get a discount based on a price-match, but is told that the item he's trying to get it for isn't eligible. His response?
--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sorry-theres-no-ahole-discount/125976/ This guy]] tries to get a discount based on a price-match, but is told that the item he's trying to get it for isn't eligible. His response?
--->“That doesn’t apply to me, because I don’t speak English!”
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--> "[[FridgeLogic If I took him, why would I bring him back?]]"\\
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sure-way-to-cheese-them-off/128303/ This customer]] tries to get a deal based on a coupon for another store that happens to be printed on the back of the store's coupons.
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* GrammarNazi: [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain way.
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* GrammarNazi: GrammarNazi:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certainway.way.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-give-credit-where-debit-is-due-part-2/ This customer]] is either fishing for ''any'' excuse for failing to comprehend the cashier, or is completely and utterly ''incapable'' of parsing a sentence that isn't constructed in a certain
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-grammar-offensive/177586/ This customer]] considers a misspelt sign "offensive to those of us who can ''actually'' spell!”
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**
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-get-to-a-spork-in-the-road/309943/ This customer]] is opposed to sporks because they're a blend of "the masculine fork and the feminine spoon" in an attempt to force a blurred-gender agenda on society.
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* HeteronormativeCrusader: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
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* HeteronormativeCrusader: HeteronormativeCrusader:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/ This guy]] inverts this trope and combines it with ConspiracyTheorist. Apparently, the terrorists are intent on destroying the United States because of the gay people there. So what does the guy think the US should do? Have everyone become gay so they stop giving birth to the terrorists, of course!
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**
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/disclaimer-this-may-or-may-not-be-legal-where-you-live/255355/ This drunk]] tries to get around drunk driving charges by going out for more beer by ''riding a horse into the store''. The submitter never found out if he got arrested or not, but at the very least, he didn't get his extra beer, and he was last seen having a discussion with a police officer.
