History JustForFun / HowToInvadeAnAlienPlanet

17th Sep '16 2:33:58 AM spydre
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** Caveat 3: don't feel like you're going to have an easy time just because you have a spesies of pacifists or at least very peaceful people on your hands. If they have a pretty warlike history, you can be sure that at least some of the old fire is still burning and they are probably only restrained by their luxuries. If you are unlucky, the all turn into Klingons as soon as you take their luxuries away from them and give you hell.

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** Caveat 3: don't feel like you're going to have an easy time just because you have a spesies species of pacifists or at least very peaceful people on your hands. If they have a pretty warlike history, you can be sure that at least some of the old fire is still burning and they are probably only restrained by their luxuries. If you are unlucky, the all turn into Klingons as soon as you take their luxuries away from them and give you hell.
17th Sep '16 2:30:55 AM spydre
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** Caveat 3: don't feel like you're going to have an easy time just because you have a spezies of pacifists or at least very peaceful people on your hands. If they have a pretty warlike history, you can be sure that at least some of the old fire is still burning and they are probably only restrained by their luxuries. If you are unlucky, the all turn into Klingons as soon as you take their luxuries away from them and give you hell.

to:

** Caveat 3: don't feel like you're going to have an easy time just because you have a spezies spesies of pacifists or at least very peaceful people on your hands. If they have a pretty warlike history, you can be sure that at least some of the old fire is still burning and they are probably only restrained by their luxuries. If you are unlucky, the all turn into Klingons as soon as you take their luxuries away from them and give you hell.
15th Sep '16 12:09:37 AM PaulA
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** Corollary: Expect the best native tactician to [[EndersGame spend hours studying recordings of your maneuvers]] searching for weak points. You mothership should not be recognizable even under this level of scrutiny.

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** Corollary: Expect the best native tactician to [[EndersGame [[Literature/EndersGame spend hours studying recordings of your maneuvers]] searching for weak points. You mothership should not be recognizable even under this level of scrutiny.



# If, despite all your preparation and technology, you're losing the invasion, be sure to wipe your starmaps. The last thing you want to do is give those little bastards directions to your homeworld so they can [[EndersGame launch a punitive invasion]].

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# If, despite all your preparation and technology, you're losing the invasion, be sure to wipe your starmaps. The last thing you want to do is give those little bastards directions to your homeworld so they can [[EndersGame [[Literature/EndersGame launch a punitive invasion]].
18th Aug '16 3:43:50 AM wusch
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** Caveat 3: don't feel like you're going to have an easy time just because you have a spezies of pacifists or at least very peaceful people on your hands. If they have a pretty warlike history, you can be sure that at least some of the old fire is still burning and they are probably only restrained by their luxuries. If you are unlucky, the all turn into Klingons as soon as you take their luxuries away from them and give you hell.
20th Jul '16 2:08:57 AM Morgenthaler
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# Check the enemy for signs of a [[JustForFun/IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency Alien Monitoring Agency]] '''BEFORE''' you invade. If they have a DangerouslyGenreSavvy [[JustForFun/IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency one]], don't bother. If however the agency is non-existent or is AHalfDozenGuysInABasement, you may be okay. If one of its agents is a certain [[Series/TheXFiles Fox Mulder]], your chances are about 50/50: although [[AgentMulder he knows exactly]] ''exactly'' what you're doing, there's a good chance [[CassandraTruth nobody will believe him anyway]].

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# Check the enemy for signs of a [[JustForFun/IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency Alien Monitoring Agency]] '''BEFORE''' you invade. If they have a DangerouslyGenreSavvy GenreSavvy [[JustForFun/IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency one]], don't bother. If however the agency is non-existent or is AHalfDozenGuysInABasement, you may be okay. If one of its agents is a certain [[Series/TheXFiles Fox Mulder]], your chances are about 50/50: although [[AgentMulder he knows exactly]] ''exactly'' what you're doing, there's a good chance [[CassandraTruth nobody will believe him anyway]].
12th May '16 11:17:20 PM spydre
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# If your research is performed from a distance such as your home planet using high-powered telescopes, note that you observe light patterns as they were when they were projected from the alien planet. If you are doing your recon from two hundred light years away, even if your travel time was zero, the data would be two hundred years out of date.

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# ** Note: If your research is performed from a distance such as your home planet using high-powered telescopes, note that you observe the light patterns you see will be as they were when they were projected from the alien planet. If you are doing your recon from two hundred light years away, even if your travel time was zero, the data would be two hundred years out of date.
5th May '16 4:12:54 AM TheOneWhoTropes
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# Similarly, keep a constant watch for: [[Series/DoctorWho a small, innocent-looking blue box]], [[Franchise/StargateVerse covert military units with "SG" in the name]], [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann mecha sporting]] CoolShades, [[Franchise/StarTrek saucer-shaped cruisers]], [[Franchise/SuperSentai giant]] [[Franchise/PowerRangers robots]], [[Film/MenInBlack well-dressed men in sunglasses]], [[SwordOfTheStars starships with ring-shaped FTL systems]], [[SuperHero vigilantes in colorful costumes who casually defy the laws of physics]], [[{{Metroid}} a power-armored warrior with huge spherical shoulders]], or [[Franchise/{{Halo}} anyone in power armor]], even if they're [[VideoGame/HalfLife bespectacled physicists]] with [[WeaponOfChoice crowbars]]. Spot any of these and you're better off staying home. While you're at it, also check for [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} any uninvited guests masquerading as local machinery]]; such party-crashers usually have drama of their own, and you do not want to get sucked into it.

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# Similarly, keep a constant watch for: [[Series/DoctorWho a small, innocent-looking blue box]], [[Franchise/StargateVerse covert military units with "SG" in the name]], [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann [[Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann mecha sporting]] CoolShades, [[Franchise/StarTrek saucer-shaped cruisers]], [[Franchise/SuperSentai giant]] [[Franchise/PowerRangers robots]], [[Film/MenInBlack well-dressed men in sunglasses]], [[SwordOfTheStars starships with ring-shaped FTL systems]], [[SuperHero vigilantes in colorful costumes who casually defy the laws of physics]], [[{{Metroid}} a power-armored warrior with huge spherical shoulders]], or [[Franchise/{{Halo}} anyone in power armor]], even if they're [[VideoGame/HalfLife bespectacled physicists]] with [[WeaponOfChoice crowbars]]. Spot any of these and you're better off staying home. While you're at it, also check for [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} any uninvited guests masquerading as local machinery]]; such party-crashers usually have drama of their own, and you do not want to get sucked into it.
29th Feb '16 10:21:49 AM spydre
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# If you're looking for some ridiculously common substance like helium, water, oxygen, etc., there are ''millions'' of lifeless rocks where you can get the stuff essentially for free, without the need to fight off pesky hostile natives. Water is the commonest compound in the universe; even if you happen to live on Tatooine, your solar system probably contains multiple Earths' worth of water in its comets alone.[[note]] Not "multile Earths" as in "many times the amount of water on Earth"; "multiple Earths" as in "many times the Earth's ''entire mass''".[[/note]] Aluminum? Uranium? Go mine an asteroid and leave the PunyEarthlings alone.

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# If you're looking for some ridiculously common substance like helium, water, oxygen, etc., there are ''millions'' of lifeless rocks where you can get the stuff essentially for free, without the need to fight off pesky hostile natives. Water is the commonest compound in the universe; even if you happen to live on Tatooine, your solar system probably contains multiple Earths' worth of water in its comets alone.[[note]] Not "multile "multiple Earths" as in "many times the amount of water on Earth"; "multiple Earths" as in "many times the Earth's ''entire mass''".[[/note]] Aluminum? Uranium? Go mine an asteroid and leave the PunyEarthlings alone.
29th Feb '16 10:17:03 AM spydre
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# If you're looking for some ridiculously common substance like helium, water, oxygen, etc., there are ''millions'' of lifeless rocks where you can get the stuff essentially for free, without the need to fight off pesky hostile natives. Water is the commonest compound in the universe; even if you happen to live on Tatooine, your solar system probably contains multiple Earths' worth of water in its comets alone. Aluminum? Uranium? Go mine an asteroid and leave the PunyEarthlings alone.

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# If you're looking for some ridiculously common substance like helium, water, oxygen, etc., there are ''millions'' of lifeless rocks where you can get the stuff essentially for free, without the need to fight off pesky hostile natives. Water is the commonest compound in the universe; even if you happen to live on Tatooine, your solar system probably contains multiple Earths' worth of water in its comets alone. [[note]] Not "multile Earths" as in "many times the amount of water on Earth"; "multiple Earths" as in "many times the Earth's ''entire mass''".[[/note]] Aluminum? Uranium? Go mine an asteroid and leave the PunyEarthlings alone.
20th Feb '16 6:36:33 PM aluce7
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# Hire a really good cultural interpreter to help you get around those [[EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas unfortunate misunderstandings]] that occur when you are dealing with [[StarfishLanguage alien language]] and customs. It really damages any occupation attempt when the first thing thing the locals hear you say is [[MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels how your hovercraft is full of eels]] rather than how your spacecraft is full of orbital-bombardment cannons.
# Don't remark on how [[HumansAreUgly ugly]], short, tall, overlimbed, underlimbed, [[PunyEarthlings weak]], [[HumansAreMorons stupid]], [[HumansAreSmelly stinky]] or [[EnergyBeings non-spectral]] the natives are (at least not in public) as it's never a good thing to insult the hosts.
# If you really do [[IComeInPeace come in peace]], expect the locals to speak a ''[[StarfishLanguage very]]'' different language from [[IndoEuropeanAlienLanguage yours]]. There will have to be a [[YouFailLinguisticsForever great deal of time invested in decoding and learning]] the mode of communication well enough to establish diplomatic relations.


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# If you decide to go through with this step, expect the locals to speak a ''[[StarfishLanguage very]]'' different language from [[IndoEuropeanAlienLanguage yours]]. There will have to be a [[ArtisticLicenseLinguistics great deal of time invested in decoding and learning]] it well enough to establish diplomatic relations.
# Hire a really good cultural interpreter to help you get around those [[EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas unfortunate misunderstandings]] that occur when you are dealing with [[StarfishLanguage alien languages]] and customs. It really damages any occupation attempt when the first thing thing the locals hear you say is [[MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels how your hovercraft is full of eels]] rather than how your spacecraft is full of orbital-bombardment cannons.
# Don't remark on how [[HumansAreUgly ugly]], short, tall, overlimbed, underlimbed, [[PunyEarthlings weak]], [[HumansAreMorons stupid]], [[HumansAreSmelly stinky]] or [[EnergyBeings non-spectral]] the natives are (at least not in public) as it's never a good thing to insult the hosts.
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