History JustForFun / HowToInvadeAnAlienPlanet

21st May '17 6:15:31 PM nombretomado
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# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].

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# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[{{Worldwar}} [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].



# Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].

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# Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[{{Worldwar}} [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].
7th May '17 4:32:32 PM nombretomado
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# If your invasion armada has [[TheMothership a mothership]], make sure it's indistinguishable from the rest of the fleet, [[KeystoneArmy doubly so if its destruction would disable your armed forces]]. And give it decent enough telecommunications to stay in orbit where it can't be taken out by [[StarCraft a dozen grunts with assault rifles]].

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# If your invasion armada has [[TheMothership a mothership]], make sure it's indistinguishable from the rest of the fleet, [[KeystoneArmy doubly so if its destruction would disable your armed forces]]. And give it decent enough telecommunications to stay in orbit where it can't be taken out by [[StarCraft [[VideoGame/StarCraft a dozen grunts with assault rifles]].
23rd Apr '17 10:14:04 AM nombretomado
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# Similarly, keep a constant watch for: [[Series/DoctorWho a small, innocent-looking blue box]], [[Franchise/StargateVerse covert military units with "SG" in the name]], [[Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann mecha sporting]] CoolShades, [[Franchise/StarTrek saucer-shaped cruisers]], [[Franchise/SuperSentai giant]] [[Franchise/PowerRangers robots]], [[Film/MenInBlack well-dressed men in sunglasses]], [[SwordOfTheStars starships with ring-shaped FTL systems]], [[SuperHero vigilantes in colorful costumes who casually defy the laws of physics]], [[{{Metroid}} a power-armored warrior with huge spherical shoulders]], or [[Franchise/{{Halo}} anyone in power armor]], even if they're [[VideoGame/HalfLife bespectacled physicists]] with [[WeaponOfChoice crowbars]]. Spot any of these and you're better off staying home. While you're at it, also check for [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} any uninvited guests masquerading as local machinery]]; such party-crashers usually have drama of their own, and you do not want to get sucked into it.

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# Similarly, keep a constant watch for: [[Series/DoctorWho a small, innocent-looking blue box]], [[Franchise/StargateVerse covert military units with "SG" in the name]], [[Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann mecha sporting]] CoolShades, [[Franchise/StarTrek saucer-shaped cruisers]], [[Franchise/SuperSentai giant]] [[Franchise/PowerRangers robots]], [[Film/MenInBlack well-dressed men in sunglasses]], [[SwordOfTheStars [[VideoGame/SwordOfTheStars starships with ring-shaped FTL systems]], [[SuperHero vigilantes in colorful costumes who casually defy the laws of physics]], [[{{Metroid}} a power-armored warrior with huge spherical shoulders]], or [[Franchise/{{Halo}} anyone in power armor]], even if they're [[VideoGame/HalfLife bespectacled physicists]] with [[WeaponOfChoice crowbars]]. Spot any of these and you're better off staying home. While you're at it, also check for [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} any uninvited guests masquerading as local machinery]]; such party-crashers usually have drama of their own, and you do not want to get sucked into it.
22nd Apr '17 11:04:40 AM JAG01
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** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give that targeting computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, switch to high-yield missiles.

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** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give that targeting computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, switch to high-yield missiles.missiles and weapons with a large area of effect.
22nd Apr '17 11:03:09 AM JAG01
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# Make sure your fighter ships have weapons and targeting computers accurate enough to hit a moving target the size of a grape. Then have your pilots practice hitting those targets with those weapons. This is right out of the Evil Overlord handbook; you want your forces to be able to hit a moving man-sized target at range.
** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give that targeting computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, substitute lasers for missiles.

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# Make sure your fighter ships have weapons and targeting computers accurate enough to hit a moving target the size of a grape. Then have your pilots practice hitting those targets with those weapons. weapons at different distances and under a variety of circumstances. This is right out of the Evil Overlord handbook; you want your forces to be able to hit a moving man-sized native target at range.
** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give that targeting computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, substitute lasers for switch to high-yield missiles.
16th Apr '17 3:56:10 PM nombretomado
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# In case of complete rout and really serious worst case scenarios, make sure you have a [[StarWars Death Star]] on hand or have [[{{Spore}} bought a planet buster from a friendly empire]]. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses, accept that you can never conquer Earth, and [[EarthShatteringKaboom just blow it up]]. Of course, watch out for [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits small groups of plucky heroes]] in or out of spaceships - because those guys will always manage to blow up your Big Death Thing.

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# In case of complete rout and really serious worst case scenarios, make sure you have a [[StarWars Death Star]] on hand or have [[{{Spore}} [[VideoGame/{{Spore}} bought a planet buster from a friendly empire]]. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses, accept that you can never conquer Earth, and [[EarthShatteringKaboom just blow it up]]. Of course, watch out for [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits small groups of plucky heroes]] in or out of spaceships - because those guys will always manage to blow up your Big Death Thing.
13th Apr '17 5:11:34 PM nombretomado
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# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[Series/{{V}} don't]]'' [[SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].

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# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[Series/{{V}} don't]]'' [[SinsOfASolarEmpire [[VideoGame/SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].
28th Mar '17 8:18:42 AM Intelleblue
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*And, if you see a [[DoctorWho blue box]] don't even bother. And if you do bother, and the owner offers a chance to run, for Gallifrey's sake, take it.
22nd Mar '17 2:06:53 PM JAG01
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# Make sure your fighter ships have weapons with targeting computers accurate enough to hit a moving target the size of a grape. Then have your pilots practice hitting those targets with those weapons. This is right out of the Evil Overlord handbook; your forces need to be able to hit a moving man-sized target at range.
** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give the computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, substitute lasers for missiles.

to:

# Make sure your fighter ships have weapons with and targeting computers accurate enough to hit a moving target the size of a grape. Then have your pilots practice hitting those targets with those weapons. This is right out of the Evil Overlord handbook; you want your forces need to be able to hit a moving man-sized target at range.
** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give the that targeting computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, substitute lasers for missiles.
21st Mar '17 9:58:45 PM JAG01
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Added DiffLines:

# Make sure your fighter ships have weapons with targeting computers accurate enough to hit a moving target the size of a grape. Then have your pilots practice hitting those targets with those weapons. This is right out of the Evil Overlord handbook; your forces need to be able to hit a moving man-sized target at range.
** Further instruct your pilots not to waste laser power if a single native is running in a straight line directly away from their ship. Give the computer the few seconds it needs to confirm a lock, THEN fire the lasers. If it's a group of natives fleeing together in this manner, substitute lasers for missiles.
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