History JustForFun / HowToInvadeAnAlienPlanet

23rd Jul '17 5:59:49 AM Volcatharsis
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# Once you have a clear idea of the life forms you intend to subsume and of their culture, now is the time to do some ''very'' intense politicking. No truly sapient race, [[AliensAreBastards no matter how inherently violent,]] is composed entirely of ravaging, bloodthirsty monsters. [[KlingonScientistsGetNoRespect Someone has to do the bookeeping and keep the libraries running.]] Even your [[WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse best and highest ranking soldiers]] might have qualms about exterminating all life on the target planet, and some, should the invasion take place, [[Film/{{Avatar}} might even go native]]. Before you begin your expedition therefore, it is absolutely vital that you get your entire population on side. [[PropagandaMachine Propaganda]] is the best method of achieving this, particularly portraying your targets as ravaging, bloodthirsty monsters. If they are [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters anything like ourselves]], that shouldn't be too hard.

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# Once you have a clear idea of the life forms you intend to subsume and of their culture, now is the time to do some ''very'' intense politicking. No truly sapient race, [[AliensAreBastards no matter how inherently violent,]] is composed entirely of ravaging, bloodthirsty monsters. [[KlingonScientistsGetNoRespect Someone has to do the bookeeping bookkeeping and keep the libraries running.]] Even your [[WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse best and highest ranking soldiers]] might have qualms about exterminating all life on the target planet, and some, should the invasion take place, [[Film/{{Avatar}} might even go native]]. Before you begin your expedition therefore, it is absolutely vital that you get your entire population on side. [[PropagandaMachine Propaganda]] is the best method of achieving this, particularly portraying your targets as ravaging, bloodthirsty monsters. If they are [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters anything like ourselves]], that shouldn't be too hard.



# Don't remark on how [[HumansAreUgly ugly]], short, tall, overlimbed, underlimbed, [[PunyEarthlings weak]], [[HumansAreMorons stupid]], [[HumansAreSmelly stinky]] or [[EnergyBeings non-spectral]] the natives are (at least not in public) as it's never a good thing to insult the hosts.

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# Don't remark on how [[HumansAreUgly ugly]], short, tall, overlimbed, underlimbed, [[PunyEarthlings weak]], [[HumansAreMorons stupid]], [[HumansAreSmelly stinky]] or [[EnergyBeings non-spectral]] the natives are (at least not in public) as it's never a good thing to insult the hosts. [[BlueAndOrangeMorality Well, most of the time, anyway.]]
12th Jul '17 12:10:23 AM Doug86
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** Second Corollary: Analyze their technology from every possible angle. Is there anything seemingly harmless that [[SuperweaponSurprise could be used as a powerful weapon]]? Be sure not to overlook [[WeaponizedExhaust easily-weaponized non-weapons technology]] when making a threat assessment! (See those [[KnownSpace big cats]] over there? Ask them about this one; will ''they'' have stories to tell). Keep in mind that [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy depending on]] [[HumansAreWarriors the species]], an effective LotusEaterMachine and an [[IKnowMortalKombat advanced military training simulator]] may turn out to be [[WarriorHeaven the same thing]].

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** Second Corollary: Analyze their technology from every possible angle. Is there anything seemingly harmless that [[SuperweaponSurprise could be used as a powerful weapon]]? Be sure not to overlook [[WeaponizedExhaust easily-weaponized non-weapons technology]] when making a threat assessment! (See those [[KnownSpace [[Literature/KnownSpace big cats]] over there? Ask them about this one; will ''they'' have stories to tell). Keep in mind that [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy depending on]] [[HumansAreWarriors the species]], an effective LotusEaterMachine and an [[IKnowMortalKombat advanced military training simulator]] may turn out to be [[WarriorHeaven the same thing]].



** On the other hand, providing good living conditions, health care, and good pay (in currency worthless to you) can work quite well so long as your own people don't have obviously superior living conditions. As slaves, aboriginals are nothing but trouble. As "valued employees," [[KnownSpace aboriginals may prove surprisingly useful]].

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** On the other hand, providing good living conditions, health care, and good pay (in currency worthless to you) can work quite well so long as your own people don't have obviously superior living conditions. As slaves, aboriginals are nothing but trouble. As "valued employees," [[KnownSpace [[Literature/KnownSpace aboriginals may prove surprisingly useful]].
8th Jul '17 4:43:28 AM spydre
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# Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].

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# Learn your TechnologyLevels! Even in with all the {{Alternate Techline}}s out there, knowing in general what stage of development a planet is in will be essential for a successful invasion; especially when identifying technology that has been supplied by rival stellar civilizations. Natives of a planet that's on the verge of [[FasterThanLightTravel FTL travel]] and those who have just discovered flint knapping will each have [[NoSuchThingAsSpaceJesus very different reactions]] to your presence.
** Corollary:
Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].



# Learn your TechnologyLevels! Even in with all the {{Alternate Techline}}s out there, knowing in general what stage of development a planet is in will be essential for a successful invasion; especially when identifying technology that has been supplied by rival stellar civilizations. Natives of a planet that's on the verge of [[FasterThanLightTravel FTL travel]] and those who have just discovered flint knapping will each have [[NoSuchThingAsSpaceJesus very different reactions]] to your presence.
6th Jul '17 7:55:23 AM justanid
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# Learn your TechnologyLevels! Even in with all the {{Alternate Techline}}s out there, knowing in general what stage of development a planet is in will be essential for a successful invasion; especially when identifying technology that has been supplied by rival stellar civilizations. Natives of a planet that's on the verge of [[FasterThanLightTravel FTL travel]] and those who have just discovered flint knapping will each have [[NoSuchThingAsSpaceJesus very different reactions]] to your presence.






# Don't forget that {{Cargo Cult}}s can spring up even if you don't attempt a GodGuise, so be prepared to remove all traces of your presence on the planet if you plan on leaving it for an extended period of time. Otherwise, SocietyMarchesOn and all it takes is one {{genre savvy}} anthropologist to connect the dots, leaving you with a significantly lower reputation as [[AliensAreBastards alien bastards]], instead of the more ideal status of [[FirstContact "first" contact]].


















# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[{{Series/V 1983}} don't]]'' [[VideoGame/SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].

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# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[{{Series/V 1983}} don't]]'' ''don't'' [[VideoGame/SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] if there's [[Series/{{V 1983}} any chance]] ([[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown or potential]]) [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].you]]. ''Do'' [[Series/EarthFinalConflict befriend and equip]] the natives for the inevitable conflict so that they'll be on your side by default, because if you don't the other aliens likely will. And if you show up [[Series/FallingSkies late to the war]], share your tech with any rebels.


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28th Jun '17 8:17:20 AM BirdAlliance
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* And, if you see a [[Series/DoctorWho blue box]] don't even bother. And if you do bother, and the owner offers a chance to run, for Gallifrey's sake, take it.

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* # And, if you see a [[Series/DoctorWho blue box]] don't even bother. And if you do bother, and the owner offers a chance to run, for Gallifrey's sake, take it.
24th Jun '17 1:00:23 PM nombretomado
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* And, if you see a [[DoctorWho blue box]] don't even bother. And if you do bother, and the owner offers a chance to run, for Gallifrey's sake, take it.

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* And, if you see a [[DoctorWho [[Series/DoctorWho blue box]] don't even bother. And if you do bother, and the owner offers a chance to run, for Gallifrey's sake, take it.
18th Jun '17 4:49:18 AM justanid
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''If instead you want to destroy the place, go to WhyYouShouldDestroyThePlanetEarth.''
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''If instead you want to destroy the place, go to WhyYouShouldDestroyThePlanetEarth.''

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''If instead you want See also ''[[http://web.archive.org/web/20090420151832/http://talisiorder.ca/worldbuilding/alienguide.php Aliens' Guide to destroy the place, go to WhyYouShouldDestroyThePlanetEarth.''Conquest of Humanity]]''.
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14th Jun '17 9:55:43 PM nombretomado
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# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].

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# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} [[{{Series/V 1983}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].



# If you are really [[Series/{{V}} reptilian monsters]] underneath those disguises, have a contingency plan for when the natives figure this out. Better yet, come as yourselves. The natives will get over it faster than if they find out you're hiding something.

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# If you are really [[Series/{{V}} [[{{Series/V 1983}} reptilian monsters]] underneath those disguises, have a contingency plan for when the natives figure this out. Better yet, come as yourselves. The natives will get over it faster than if they find out you're hiding something.



# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[Series/{{V}} don't]]'' [[VideoGame/SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].

to:

# If there's a stronger alien race out there that you're fleeing from because they are [[AlwaysABiggerFish even nastier than you]], ''[[Series/{{V}} ''[[{{Series/V 1983}} don't]]'' [[VideoGame/SinsOfASolarEmpire go out of your way]] to [[VideoGame/{{Iji}} antagonize the natives]] [[Franchise/JusticeLeagueOfAmerica if there's any chance]] [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown (or potential) that they could help you]].
11th Jun '17 2:30:35 PM nombretomado
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** Third Corollary: Even if your self-destruct mechanism is foolproof, don't get overconfident. [[{{X-COM}} If the enemy gathers enough of those fragments, they may still be able to reverse-engineer your weapons]].

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** Third Corollary: Even if your self-destruct mechanism is foolproof, don't get overconfident. [[{{X-COM}} [[VideoGame/XCom If the enemy gathers enough of those fragments, they may still be able to reverse-engineer your weapons]].
21st May '17 6:15:31 PM nombretomado
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# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].

to:

# Take samples of the plant, animal, and microbe life and do controlled studies to make sure your mighty invading army won't be [[Literature/TheWarOfTheWorlds killed by]] [[{{Series/V}} a bacterium]]. Further, test all of these samples to ensure that they don't have [[AlienCatnip non-lethal but disabling or embarrassing effects on your biology]] like [[{{Worldwar}} [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} ginger making your troops horny]] or [[Series/AlienNation sour milk making you drunk]].



# Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].

to:

# Once you've gotten an idea of what the natives are like, ''never'' make assumptions of how rapidly they'll advance between now and the invasion. If you come to a planet [[{{Worldwar}} [[Literature/{{Worldwar}} assuming that they'd still be wielding sticks]] and they're actually developing the atomic bomb, you're in real trouble. [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Especially if they are now arguably more advanced than you]].
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