History Funny / WouldILieToYou

* Bob Mortimer reads out that he's been [[DIYDentistry doing his own dental work]] for the past 15 years and goes into detail about how he procures his own dental cement and uses his kitchen island, his son's gaming chair, a mirror, a curved Indian flute, and a leather maker's drill. The story's so ridiculous, Lee, Bob's team captain, can't hide his incredulity and joins in the interrogation. David, meanwhile, is reminded of all the other stories Bob's told on the show.

* Bob Mortimer telling an insane story about cracking an egg in his bath following on advice of Chris Rea. Despite the utter ludicrousness of the story, David Mitchell thinks it's true since Bob's insane stories usually turn out to be true, but for once it's a lie.

-->'''David:''' I'm so ''merry!''

* Richard Osman's claim that he and [[Series/DealOrNoDeal the Banker]] had once run over a badger and then buried it was derailed by the opposing team being more interested in trying to get to divulge the [[HeWhoMustNotBeSeen identity of the Banker.]]

-->'''Jamelia''': It could be true because of... his face, but- ''(cut off by the audience laughing)'' No, I don't think]], I don't think you're ''ugly'', I just think- ''(more laughter, while Terry Christian [[DiggingYourselfDeeper starts miming digging]])'' No, sorry! I just think you've got a [[DamnedByFaintPraise very unique face]] no one will ever forget your face.

* [[Series/OneFootInTheGrave Richard Wilson's]] BlatantLies in the "this is my..." round where he claimed to have made an exercise video called "The Richard Wilson Learn Dancing Video" to inspire young people to get fit through ballroom dancing. It turned out to be true, they even showed a clip to prove it.]l

--> '''David Mitchell''': Are there other cards in here like, y'know: "you have 19 different names for your grandmother." "What are they?" "Uh, granny, nan, uh uh..." A ''five-point plan for how to survive in prison''? I've got ''no idea'' how to survive in prison! Don't go to prison! Only commit crimes you can get away with! That was ''horrible''.

* Lee Mack's bluff about a woman giving his dog mouth to mouth. Especially this bit:
--> '''Lee Mack''': And at that moment, he looked up at me and said -
--> '''David Mitchell''': He said 'now I can speak! This lady has blown her soul into me!' And then the dog got in the car and drove off.

'''David:''' Well, ''you're an idiot!'' No-one has ever lived on the Moon, cars have been damaged!\\

'''David''': To be fair, you might have spoken to your mother since the age of 8, and discussed her career then.\\

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJh-oaPsXnk The entire exchange]] when Jimmy Carr claimed that Prince Philip called him a funny-looking kid when he was a ballboy at Wimbledon. Classic moment thanks to Carr, Jamelia and Lee Mack.

* Lee's rant after he had failed to defend his "Possession" claim, which was a wall map of the UK which he marked every service station he had ever visited on:

'''David''': Oh, so not to the stable! But to the random point in the road, a couple of hundred yards away from the stables, thinking bewilderedly - "Where has the mysterious man gone?" I would have thought that logically, when you were returning it, having thought that it had come from the stable, that you'd been lucky not to have to walk to the stable before hiring it, you might nevertheless have thought "Well, the stable's where it's got to go back to", rather than "Well, sod 'em! This is where we picked it up from! I'm not gonna take it to the stable. I'm gonna stand here, 300 yards away from the stable, going COME OVER HERE! COME AND GET YOUR OWN HORSE!" At which point locals start waving-going, "NO! YOU KEEP!"\\

* David Mitchell and Rhod Gilbert's argument over whether or not dogs like Marmite.

'''Lee:''' I've been using this - I can't lie, over the years, I've been using this anecdote with the darts and things, "Oh, did I ever tell you, lads, about the time I played swingball with a chimpanzee?" No-one's ever said, ''[imitating David's voice]'' "What time of day was this?" You threw me for a second, most people go, "A ''chimpanzee'', swingball?? Tell us more, you interesting person!"\\

* Rob Brydon's claim is that he used to pretend to be his own agent on the phone by using a different voice. Eventually it leads to everyone acting as if the agent was a real person, much to Rob's frustration.

* Lee's fact that every year he pours a shot of brandy into the pond to commemorate the death of his goldfish. This starts a ten minutes argument over where the fish lived ("No, it was a ''tree'' goldfish, David."), why pouring brandy in the pond (''"If the goldfish lived in a bowl, why do you commemorate its death pouring brandy into another goldfish habitat?!"''), the possible dangers of such a gesture ("If you do that the other fishes are going to die as well." "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint At no point the original fish died due to brandy being poured into the pond!]]"), the subtle line that divides alcohol from just another kind of water ("Diluted brandy is no longer brandy!" "So you say, when you put soda in brandy-" '''"SODA AND BRANDY?"''') and, finally, who cared most for the goldfish ("It doesn't matter the death of the fish-" "Oh, it doesn't matter to you, you ''bitch''!").

* Robert Webb's statement of having a large gang of imaginary friends when he was a kid:

* This episode offers us David accusing Lee of being an intellectual snob, the panellists theorising what would happen if Series/TheWombles came across a dead body, David O'Doherty's EpicFail at convincing Lee's team he was seeing a hypnotist to cure an addiction of hypnotists, Lee saying he can tell the circumference of somebody's head on sight...

* Gregg Wallace's claim that he makes toast by ironing bread leads to some incredible conversations.

* Just about everything [[Series/TheInbetweeners Greg Davies]] did in his guest appearance, with special mention to the "Hoot Owl of Death". The ridiculous face is what truly makes the bit. That and the fact that it ends up being true.

* Rob Brydon's introductory crack about Greg Davies: "If [[Literature/TheBible Goliath]] ate [[Series/TheYoungOnes Rik Mayall]]."
* Greg Davies roping David and his teammate Richard Osman into a re-enactment of the game he invented called "Snorkel Parka Music Practice Room". Especially since both Davies and Osman are ''giants'' and, even when they're sitting down, David looks tiny between them.

* Rhod Gilbert's claim that he once dug up his dead hamster and gave it a wash. Much in the vein of Kevin Bridges' horse, the story gets progressively sillier and more unbelievable as it goes on, and also turns out to be true.

* Lee being given the episode's prop: an enormous ring filled with keys. The fact: He knows what all but one of the keys does. It's obvious from the start that Lee is lying, but he goes through what almost every key does, anyway, sending everyone into hysterics.

* Lee Mack's claim that he has a system for remembering the colours of the Series/{{Teletubbies}}. As he explains, Po is red like a postbox, Laa-Laa sounds like "yellow" (except it doesn't, but it sounds more like "yellow" than the other names), Tinky Winky's name makes him think of an UnusualEuphemism for the male organ, and Dipsy sounds like "deep sea", which is green (except it isn't, but it's more green than it is red, purple, or yellow). David seems annoyed by the fact that, whether the story is true or not, he will now remember the colours of the Teletubbies because of this "system". Once again, it's all true. David's laughter after Lee presses his button is the icing on the cake, because with that question, his team lost every single point. Lee's team ended up victorious with a score of 5-0.

* Paul Foot's true claim opens as such: "I am absolutely repulsed by beards." Cut to David (his team's captain) looking despondent.

* With David Mitchell and his wife Victoria Coren Mitchell on the same team, a hilarious yet heartwarming look at their married life is inevitable, especially in the final round, when David's claim is "Victoria doesn't know this, but on those very rare occasions that she does something I find irritating, I get my own back by sneaking upstairs and moving her bookmarks."

-->'''David:''' ''[reading the card]'' This is the lock of Steve Davis' hair which I bought on Website/EBay.\\

* Ruth Jones' story in the "This Is My" round, involving her pet tortoise accidentally being sent to a recycling plant and almost being killed by a ConveyorBeltODoom. It was true.

--> '''Lee''': You could've called it Toffee. That would've sounded, uh...
--> '''David''': There's already a thing called toffee.

* Lee's fact that every year he pours a shot of brandy into the pond to commemorate the death of his goldfish. This starts a ten minutes argument over where the fish lived ("No, it was a ''tree'' goldfish, David."), why pouring brandy in the pond (''"If the goldfish lived in a bowl, why do you commemorate its death pouring brandy into another goldfish habitat?!"''), the possible dangers of such gesture ("If you do that the other fishes are going to die as well." "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint At no point the original fish died due to brandy being poured into the pond!]]"), the subtle line that divides alcohol from just another kind of water ("Diluted brandy is no longer brandy!" "So you say, when you put soda in brandy-" '''"SODA AND BRANDY?"''') and, finally, who cared most for the goldfish ("It doesn't matter the death of the fish-" "Oh, it doesn't matter to you, you ''bitch''!").

* Lee and Miranda make their own cuddle jumper. And then they have to talk to the other team mate- who's sitting on Rob's knees, in the original cuddle jumper with him. Did we mention that the other team mate is [[Series/TheApprentice Alan Sugar's aide Nick Hewer]]? And then they have to get out of the jumper - and Rob falls down the stairs.
--> '''Jack Whitehall''': [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness Does the design lend itself to intimacy?]]
--> '''Rob Brydon''': Yes!
--> '''Nick Hewer''': Not tonight, it doesn't.

* Robert Webb's statement of having a large gang on imaginary friends when he was a kid:

---> '''Lee''': Just to backtrack, there's a man ironing his bread and I'm being picked on because I said "topiary" a bit like "potpurri"... Where the hell's David gone?! I thought that he was so middle class that I'd pronounced it wrong and he'd fainted!

** Continuing on with the working class angle, Lee makes a note how the toast could end up like a pop tart, then tries to explain what a pop tart is to David, who Lee assumes would be too posh to get the reference.

'''Lee''': Don't look at it David! You'll die!\\

** David's performance devolves into madness as he and Lee start shouting over each other, before David punctuates it by yelling, "What a coincidence! Because I, too, am a '''COCK!'''" It causes Lee to sit back in mild surprise as the audience starts applauding.

** The panellists end up in a bit of a tangent about the cast of ''Rainbow'', which brings us to this gem. It's David's outrage that sells it.

* Barry Cryer's claim that he wrote a trilogy of romantic novels using a female pen-name.

* Later, during "This Is My", Lee has claimed that he had accidentally taken the guest's luggage while at the airport and had to then wear his clothes on holiday. About thirty seconds into questioning, Lorraine has suggested that it was remiss of Lee not to label his luggage. Lee immediately suggests that he could be lying, prompting this response from David:

* Dr Christian Jessen is claiming the This Is My guest was the surgeon who removed the piece of the {{Operation}} board game that he swallowed. When he starts describing the surgery, Andy Hamilton begins looking slightly uncomfortable; Rob proceeds to play this up by doing an exaggerated description of an operation complete with gestures that culminates in a re-enactment of the infamous scene in ''Film/{{Alien}}''.

-->'''Lee''': What were you doing in the car with him?
-->'''Richard''': About seventy? ''(laughter)'' No, we were on holiday together. It was in badger country - Cornwall.
-->'''Greg''': Was [Noel] Edmonds there? ...sorry, I'm not part of this, am I?
-->'''Rob''': It's a good question, though, Greg. ''Was'' Noel there?
-->'''Richard''': No, [[TakeThat it was a holiday.]]

* When Huw Edwards was asked to demonstrate his claim that he uses an 'evil eye' look to force long rambling news correspondents to get on with it, Rob Brydon pretends to be Robert Peston to give him a target, and comes up with a scarily plausible-sounding ramble about the eurozone crisis.

* Henning Wehn's bizarre (and true) story of being listed as a missing person by INTERPOL for three weeks has so many seemingly contradictory details that it almost rises to Kevin Bridges' accidental horse purchase levels of absurdity, and sparks a revival of the gag in which Lee Mack pretends to be his teammate's solicitor.

'''Henning:''' Er... I'm... I can't quite remember, but it was Mohammed, or something. ''(panellists and audience laugh again)''\\

-->'''David''': What was the occasion? And do ''not'' define the occasion, or the geographical space in relation to Anthea Turner!

* Lee's claim that, every time he has a cup of tea, he likes throwing teabags at cups from a distance as target practice and acting as if he were in the World Darts Championship. He then proceeds to demonstrate it, and, in a similar vein to the previous week's story, David notes that whether the story is true or not, he just ''knows'' that Lee will be doing this from now on, "as will I". For the record, it's true.
* Miles Jupp's false story about how he once had to tell his neighbours about their cat's death (it was ran over by a lorry) while wearing cat make-up (for his daughter's school fete). Everyone treats it like he killed the cat and then made up the lorry story. At one point, when Miles starts talking about his wife, Lee describes her as the best female lorry-driver in the world.

* During the "This is My" round, Greg is claiming the guest is a rickshaw driver he had drive him home, who by the end of the journey was so exhausted he had to sleep on Greg's couch. While recounting events, Greg claims he invited the man in for [[ThatCameOutWrong "a bit."]] Cue the titters (and at least one wolf-whistle) of the audience. "We're better than that, guys!"
* David's team are very conflicted about whether the "This is My" answer is Greg or Richard, changing their minds a few times, and Phill tries to hide behind the desk while waiting for the answer to be read out. Turns out it's Gareth.

* Also, Lee was in the middle of telling a story about how he'd been told by a man from Brazil how to stop a fox in its tracks and Rob began doing an impression of Basil Brush. Lee then make a joke about Rob in the producers' room having asked them to change "bear" to "fox" so he could do the impression. David, quick as a flash, pointed out that if this were true then the producers couldn't change what a man from Brazil had told him.

* David's teammates are Ray Winstone and Josh Widdicombe. Rob says their desks looks as though Ray is the defendant in a trial and David is his slightly flustered barrister. Lee adds that Josh is the child whose custody is at stake.
* In "This is My", Lee claims that John, the mystery guest, was a hospital patient whom he had mistaken for his next door neighbour John, who had been injured in a sledging accident, and that due to a miscommunication with a non-native English-speaking nurse, he was directed to the other John's room as his name is John Ledging. As Lee has claimed that "John Ledging" mimed that he had been injured falling off a ladder, David asks if Lee's neighbour's name is "Ladder". Lee tells David not to be so silly: "Ladder" is his [[{{Pun}} step]]son's name.

-->'''Lee:''' I said "I'll do a tournament when you have a sex-change, mate."

* Ed Balls' story about having to negotiate the Home Office budget on the phone while rescuing his child from a ballpit. In particular, two moments where David's team tries to ask about the crisis in the ballpit, only for Ed to give an answer about the ''budget'' crisis. It's this detail that convinces Kimberly Wyatt it was true, since it shows Ed as someone for whom the job comes first, and she's right.

--> '''David:''' Of ''course''! Of course it's a lie! He said...he said Chris Rea put an egg in his bath! Of course it's a lie! It's obviously a lie! Who could possibly believe ''that''!? It'd be more likely that someone was stuck in a car wash for three hours!

--> '''David:''' I think it's fair to say that if anyone else had made this allegation about Chris Rea and an egg in their bath, we wouldn't be giving it a ''moment's'' consideration. Somehow, coming from Bob, it might be true.
--> '''Dion:''' I think...I think it's true because he's been about a bit, Bob.
--> '''David:''' Oh, no...
--> '''Lucy:''' I think the white would poach.
--> '''David:''' Yeah, the chemical analysis of the behavior of the albumin.
--> '''Bob:''' David, honestly. One thing, please don't base it on the albumin whitening. I can't have a bath at 80 plus degrees.
--> '''David:''' Is that the temperature at which an egg white would turn...?
--> '''Bob:''' It'll start at about 80, yeah. Honestly, please don't base it on that.
--> '''David:''' ''(in a weak, desperate voice)'' What should I base it on, Bob?

** Lee is interested by his use of the plural, resulting in a CallBack to an earlier round when David said the "This is My" guest had left him in temporary charge as a lollipop man for "between nine and eleven minutes" when Lee said most people would say "about ten minutes":

'''Lee:''' They are physically sitting further apart, have you noticed?\\

** So what do Lee's team think? Clare Balding wants to believe in David and Victoria's marriage, Asim Chaudhry doesn't want it to be true but thinks it might be... and Lee absolutely loves the idea:

'''Lee:''' ... and a really bad indictment on their marriage.\\

--> '''David:''' I didn't say that because I knew my wife would have already been thinking it. It was not necessary for me to say those words because they were already in her brain. At some point she is going to say, "You told me so", for me, as indeed she subsequently did. And ''that'' is when a relationship is working!

--> '''Lee''': Oh my god. That is the greatest thing that has ever happened on this show.\\

'''Lee''': D'you know what'd be great now? If he came back on and said "Sorry! I've been having a breakdown, I'm actually Gemma's science teacher!" The noise was the the best bit! "UUURGH!"\\

* Sarah Millican claims that she had to go to extreme lengths to deliver a sample to her veterinarian... specifically, a stool sample. "Your own, or an animal's?", Lou Sanders asks; Sarah points out that she isn't an animal, as if it were her own sample, she would give it to a doctor, not a vet. Gyles proceeds to wax rhapsodic on how much easier it is to see a vet than a doctor, and that unlike doctors, vets usually ''like'' their patients.
* For "This is My", the guest is former Bucks Fizz singer Cheryl Baker; Gyles Brandreth claims that she and he broke the record for longest on-screen kiss during a ''TV-am'' broadcast, Lou Sanders claims that while trying to help Cheryl with a stuck zip, she accidentally ripped off her skirt, and David claims that when they were both guests on the same episode of ''Saturday Superstore'' in the 1980s, she fetched a bucket for him when he felt sick.

--->'''David''': Under what circumstances? What did you think you were buying?\\
'''Kevin''': Ehm... I've never thought I was buying anything. I thought I was... renting.\\
'''David''': [''after a burst of audience laughter and a couple of rattled blinks''] Did you think you were renting a ''horse''?

--->'''Kevin:''' ''<reading off the card with his thick accent>'' "I once accidentally bought a horse."
--->'''Rob:''' Sorry? You bought a ''what?''
--->'''Kevin:''' A horse.
--->'''Rob:''' A ''horse!'' Sorry, I missed the 'S'!

'''David''': You... this is just... This is suicide! ''[[WithFriendsLikeThese Are you working for them]]?''\\

--> '''Jack Whitehall''': [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness "Does the design lend itself to intimacy?"]]
--> '''Rob Brydon''': "Yes!"
--> '''Nick Hewer''': "Not tonight it doesn't."

'''Lee''': A bit too big for what, the ''sea''? Every time you pushed it into the water, it kept hitting France!

** [[spoiler: Though it ''was'' true.]]

* [[Series/OneFootInTheGrave Richard Wilson's]] BlatantLies in the "this is my..." round where he claimed to have made an exercise video called "The Richard Wilson Learn Dancing Video" to inspire young people to get fit through ballroom dancing. [[spoiler: It turned out to be true, they even showed a clip to prove it.]]
** Throughout this episode, Wilson's teammates, Lee and Jimmy Carr, have made a RunningGag of trying to get him to say [[Series/OneFootInTheGrave "I don't believe it!"]], without success[[note]]Wilson famously hates people asking him to say the catchphrase, and will only do it at charity events[[/note]]. When [[spoiler:the clip of the dance video is played, it turns out he said it in the introduction to that.]]

* Jason Manford claims to have applied to ''Series/{{Mastermind}}'' with the specialist subject ''Series/{{Columbo}}''. David immediately begins grilling him on the episodes in which Creator/WilliamShatner appeared, and just after he settles on it being a lie, Lee leans over to look at Jason's card. [[spoiler:He was supposed to claim to have had the specialist subject ''Columbia.'']]

** Rob's zinger after Jimmy reveals it's [[spoiler:a lie]]: "What a moment. Perhaps the funniest man in Britain, known for his off-colour material, [[BaitAndSwitchComparison finally getting to meet Jimmy Carr]]."

* Ruth Jones' story in the "This Is My" round, involving her pet tortoise accidentally being sent to a recycling plant and almost being killed by a ConveyorBeltODoom. [[spoiler: It was true.]]

'''Kevin''': [[spoiler: It's true!]]

'''Rob:''' Very well. Let me buck the trend by telling you... [[spoiler: it's true.]]

* Lee and Miranda make their own cuddle jumper. And then they have to talk to the other team mate- who's sitting on Rob's knees, in the original cuddle jumper with him. Did we mention that the other team mate is [[Series/TheApprentice Alan Sugar's aide]] [[PerpetualFrowner Ni]][[DeadpanSnarker ck]] [[DeathGlare He]][[TheComicallySerious wer]]? And then they have to get out of the jumper - and Rob falls down the stairs.

* Just about everything [[Series/TheInbetweeners Greg Davies]] did in his guest appearance, with special mention to the "Hoot Owl of Death". The ridiculous face is what truly makes the bit. That and [[spoiler:the fact that it ends up being true]].

** And [[spoiler: after the entirety of the segment sets this up as another one of Lee's ludicrous lies, it turns out that Lee was telling the truth.]]
* Sarah Millican's [[spoiler: true]] claim was about wetting the car and then blaming the dog. It turns out that apparently everyone has a similar story to tell.

* [[Series/TheGoodies Bill Oddie]]'s [[spoiler: true]] claim that he was saved from drowning by a character from the children's show ''Series/{{Rainbow}}'' (namely, Freddy Marks of Rod, Jane, and Freddy) provided a number of brilliant moments.

* Sue Perkins on Lorraine Kelly's [[spoiler:true]] claim she once presented an episode of ''TV AM'' while drunk: "I don't think we need to discuss this any further."

* Rhod Gilbert introducing the "This Is My" guest - a man in his seventies who had to be given a chair rather than standing - as his badminton doubles partner. [[spoiler:And it turning out to be true.]]

* Andy Hamilton's [[spoiler:true]] story about "Fisher"[[note]] possibly not the name they actually used, but Andy claimed to be unable to remember the real name[[/note]], the fictional schoolboy that he and his classmates invented to confuse a bad French teacher, to the point of doing 'his' homework and handing it in; Lee turns him into a RunningGag, bringing him up in later rounds in that episode.

* The "This Is My..." guest, Pauline, turns out to be [[spoiler: Greg's mother, who had cheered him on when he engaged in his first ever fight as a kid]], to the amused shock of Lee's team.
-->'''Rob''': ''(to Pauline)'' It must have been awful to [[spoiler: see [Greg] fighting.]]

** Rob's closing line after Armando reveals it's [[spoiler:a lie]]: "Putting a baboon through a sunroof? ...is the brand new game show next on ITV 2!"

* Rhod Gilbert's claim that he once dug up his dead hamster and gave it a wash. Much in the vein of Kevin Bridges' horse, the story gets progressively sillier and more unbelievable as it goes on, [[spoiler: and also turns out to be true]].

* Lee's [[spoiler:true]] claim that the guest had borne witness to his vicious attack on a toy womble when they went camping as teenagers.

* All of Bob Mortimer's outlandish claims, from burning his house down with fireworks aged seven to tricking a sixth form teacher with a dictaphone while the teacher owned a remote-controlled 'hand lion'. [[spoiler:And EVERY ONE OF THEM IS TRUE. Small wonder he got the Individual Liar of the Week award]].

* Jon Richardson (a Lancaster native) had another swipe at Lee's accent during his [[spoiler:true]] claim that, when stressed, he sometimes takes a bath without undressing or putting water in the bathtub, in the following exchange:

* Henning Wehn's bizarre (and [[spoiler:true]]) story of being listed as a missing person by INTERPOL for three weeks has so many seemingly contradictory details that it almost rises to Kevin Bridges' accidental horse purchase levels of absurdity, and sparks a revival of the gag in which Lee Mack pretends to be his teammate's solicitor.

* Dave Myers (of the Hairy Bikers) having the statements that he was once locked inside a merchant bank over Christmas and that the This Is My guest once helped him build a zeppelin when he was 16. [[spoiler:Both are true.]] After he mentions that the bank incident happened just after Music/JohnLennon's assassination, Lee attempts to establish a link between the two by suggesting ''Dave'' killed Lennon or was secretly going out with Yoko Ono.

* Lee's story about hiding in a cupboard from Anthea Turner starts with a hilariously unsubtle bit of stalling [[spoiler:even though it's true]].

** Kind of a meta-example, but the story that sparked this - David claiming that the "This Is My" guest is the first woman he ever bought flowers for, to apologise for being sick on her carpet - is especially funny if you know that [[spoiler:David has previously told this story [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2dkMNeYYXY on his]] [[WebVideo/DavidMitchellsSoapbox Soapbox]], which Lee's team clearly haven't been watching]].

* Kirsty Wark's story about drinking from Jeremy Paxman's [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Snoopy]] mug without asking, which goes hilariously off the rails when Lee tries to roleplay the confrontation with Kirsty without actually getting any of the details. It results in both of them playing Kirsty for some time before Rob interrupts and points out that one of them is supposed to be Paxman. [[spoiler:After the roleplay, Kirsty blows it by forgetting a detail from the card (that Paxman didn't talk to her for a week), and Lee outright states that he believed her until then.]]

* Bob Mortimer's completely bonkers story about being asked by the police in the Dumfries and Galloway town of Castle Douglas to leave town because he was scaring the locals. Every detail makes the story more absurd: that he went there as a teenager with two friends named Harry Harriman and Steve Bytheway because of their fascination with the Gulf Stream, that they wore latex masks (the supposed cause of alarm for the locals) and "jobble tops" (bobble hats that folded down into jumpers) to keep warm while driving through the night, and that they were interrogated by "a sergeant, by the way" (Lee: Sergeant Bytheway?) and a plainclothes detective before being escorted out of town. [[spoiler:''And it was all true.'' Mortimer deservedly won his second Liar of the Week award for this episode.]]
* Lee Mack's claim that he has a system for remembering the colours of the Series/{{Teletubbies}}. As he explains, Po is red like a postbox, Laa-Laa sounds like "yellow" (except it doesn't, but it sounds more like "yellow" than the other names), Tinky Winky's name makes him think of an UnusualEuphemism for the male organ, and Dipsy sounds like "deep sea", which is green (except it isn't, but it's more green than it is red, purple, or yellow). David seems annoyed by the fact that, whether the story is true or not, he will now remember the colours of the Teletubbies because of this "system". [[spoiler:And once again, it's all true.]] David's laughter after Lee presses his button is the icing on the cake, because with that question, [[spoiler: his team lost every single point. Lee's team ended up victorious with a score of 5-0]].

* Lee's claim that, every time he has a cup of tea, he likes throwing teabags at cups from a distance as target practice and acting as if he were in the World Darts Championship. He then proceeds to demonstrate it, and, in a similar vein to the previous week's story, David notes that whether the story is true or not, he just ''knows'' that Lee will be doing this from now on, "as will I". [[spoiler:And for the record, it's true.]]
* Miles Jupp's [[spoiler:false]] story about how he once had to tell his neighbours about their cat's death (it was ran over by a lorry) while wearing cat make-up (for his daughter's school fete). Everyone treats it like he killed the cat and then made up the lorry story. At one point, when Miles starts talking about his wife, Lee describes her as the best female lorry-driver in the world.

* When answering Phill Jupitus's shopping trolleys story, Gareth and Richard both think it's true. Greg overrules them entirely, saying it's false. Everyone (including himself) acts like he's gone [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity mad with power]]. [[spoiler:It turns out to be true.]]

* David's team are very conflicted about whether the "This is My" answer is Greg or Richard, changing their minds a few times, and Phill tries to hide behind the desk while waiting for the answer to be read out. [[spoiler:Turns out it's Gareth.]]

* Greg's whole story about Cushin, the secret language he had with his sister as a child, which is basically just English but with "shk" sounds inserted where possible, and yelling "CUSHON!" in the middle and at the end of sentences. [[spoiler:It turns out to be true.]] "And that is the greatest CUSHON of them all!"

* Jo Brand's story about hitchhiking from London to Hastings on Christmas Day as a 17-year-old after having missed the last train the previous day. In order, she secured lifts from a gay man in his 70s who tried to invite her home for Christmas dinner, a lesbian who tried to kiss her, a deaf man, and a farmer who was fed up with his family and had told them he was just going out for a paper and ended up driving her all the way to Hastings. Ray Mears believes it's too bizarre to be a lie, Roisin Conaty believes it's too bizarre to be true, Lee sides with Ray and guesses that it's true. [[spoiler:Lee and Ray are right.]]
* Paul Foot's [[spoiler:true]] claim opens as such: "I am absolutely repulsed by beards." Cut to David (his team's captain) looking despondent.

* Lee is claiming that the "This Is My" guest is a French nanny who asked him to deal with a spider, in a story that quickly degenerates into implausibility, and with June Brown's story sounding similarly unlikely, David's team goes with Aisling Bea, who's clearly told the sanest story.[[note]]According to Aisling, the guest had hired a male stripper for her birthday, only for him to do such a bad job of it that Aisling spent the rest of the night trying to cheer him up.[[/note]] The guest [[spoiler:responds ''in French'' before admitting that she is Aisling's friend (as she really wanted Lee's story to be true), after which Lee admits that he briefly thought it was actually him when he heard the guest start in French.]]

* This episode saw yet another bizarre story from Bob Mortimer about a game he and his friends played as children in Middlesbrough called "Theft and Shrubbery". His "gangmates" had such unlikely names as Staver, Bagger ('I didn't realise you knew hobbits!', says David), Neil Overall (son of Jerry Dungaree), and Gary "Cheesy" Cheeseman (so named because his mother thought pressing a processed cheese slice against his face would cure his acne), who, due to his large head, was called "Sniper's Dream", and they would find a family watching television of an evening with the curtains open, sneak into their garden, and walk toward their house while chanting, at ever increasing volumes, "We do beg your pardon, but we are in your garden," until caught - at which point they would have to escape by vaulting over the fences of neighbouring gardens. Other games he and his mates played as children supposedly included taking fruit from a fruit vendor's wagon, throwing it in the air, and letting it land on their heads. [[spoiler:And once again, every word is true.]]

* Ed Balls' story about having to negotiate the Home Office budget on the phone while rescuing his child from a ballpit. In particular, two moments where David's team tries to ask about the crisis in the ballpit, only for Ed to give an answer about the ''budget'' crisis. [[spoiler:It's this detail that convinces Kimberly Wyatt it was true, since it shows Ed as someone for whom the job comes first, and she's right.]]

* On "This Is My", James Acaster declaring that a preteen boy named Mick is his worst enemy due to a series of pranks involving cabbages. When interrogated, James gradually gets more and more wound up in his rant, all the while the kid is grinning and [[{{Corpsing}} trying not to laugh]]. [[spoiler: As with so many of James's ludicrous stories, it is completely true, and the whole saga is recounted on Josh Widdicombe's radio show in a series of "Classic Scrapes" segments.]]

* Gyles Brandreth claims that he "did something truly dreadful in Canterbury Cathedral": specifically, dropping a Stradivarius violin belonging to Yehudi Menuhin down a flight of stone stairs while, in his days as a young reporter, covering the 800th anniversary of the murder of Thomas Becket in 1970. [[spoiler:Which he really did.]] Inevitably, Rob takes this as a cue for a "Lee is an uncultured swine" joke - which Lee promptly deflects back at Rob:

** And the real truth-teller: [[spoiler:Gyles, whom Cheryl reveals to have had coffee breath for their kiss]].

* Jimmy Carr and Lee are mocking David (yet again) [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrZpDYNUWMk on his poshness]], and he ''[[RantInducingSlight loses it]]''.

** Kind of a meta-example, but the story that sparked this - David claiming that the "This Is My" guest is the first woman he ever bought flowers for, to apologise for being sick on her carpet - is especially funny if you know that [[spoiler: David has previously told this story [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2dkMNeYYXY on his Soapbox]], which Lee's team clearly haven't been watching]].

** Lee's pronunciation of "Topiary", which Rob makes fun of for sounding like "Potpourri". Lee notes how weird it is that Rob is picking up on something so trivial. At this point, David has dropped a water bottle below the desk and kneels down to pick it up. Lee jokes that his mispronunciation was so emulative of the middle class that it caused him to faint.

* Paul Foot's [[spoiler:true]] claim opens as such: "I am absolutely repulsed by beards." Cut to David (his team's captain) looking dispondent.

* Stephen Mangan: "Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd hear Ken Livingstone say 'anus' so many times!"
** Ken Livingstone: "You should have been around on election night."

'''Henning:''' ''(very long pause, audience laughter)'' In the mid-90s...\\

* Paul Foote's [[spoiler:true]] claim opens as such: "I am absolutely repulsed by beards." Cut to David (his team's captain) looking dispondent.

* David Mitchell's rant after having to defend the lie "I have formulated a 5-step plan for survival if I were in prison." Since it was a lie, he had to make up a five step plan on the spot. The list makes almost no sense at all, and when he is eventually called out on it, he goes on a lengthy rant about how unfair this card is:

-->'''David''', ''reading the card'': This is the lock of Steve Davis' hair which I bought on Website/EBay.\\

-->'''David:''' ... Instinctively, I think Carol doesn't believe you.\\

* When answering Phill Jupitus's shopping trolleys story, Gareth and Richard both think it's true. Greg overrules them entirely, saying it's false. Everyone (including himself) acts like he's gone [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity Mad With Power]]. [[spoiler:It turns out to be true.]]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4i-ZSMTcJc Lee finally cracks.]]

-->'''Jack Dee:''' I think Gabby knows Georgie, this is my instinct.\\

-->'''David:''' Backwards in time?!

-->'''Lee:''' Just in summary. I'm not pitching it to you, because it is true. But if you don't believe it, quite simply [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment the story is simple.]] What is there not to believe? I come home. I make sure the side-gated community to the bins is unlocked so I can take the bins out, leave them on a Tuesday, then open the side-passage, get in, lock the side-passage, go through to the house, unlock the safe by moving the picture, I can't open the safe, I always forget, close the safe, get the tin, open it up, move the eyeballs, get the money out, close the tin, back inside, straight to the front door which is blue, go out, feed Howard Jones's cat next door who I accidentally said was Shakin' Stevens. ''What part of '''that''' are you tellin' me isn't true?!''

-->'''David:''' … Instinctively, I think Carol doesn't believe you.\\
'''Carol:''' Either that or she's completely … ''[makes cuckoo hand gesture while desperately trying to contain herself]''

* This episode saw yet another bizarre story from Bob Mortimer about a game he and his friends played as children in Middlesbrough called "Theft and Shrubbery". His "gangmates" had such unlikely names as Staver, Bagger (‘I didn't realise you knew hobbits!’, says David), Neil Overall (son of Jerry Dungaree), and Gary "Cheesy" Cheeseman (so named because his mother thought pressing a processed cheese slice against his face would cure his acne), who, due to his large head, was called "Sniper's Dream", and they would find a family watching television of an evening with the curtains open, sneak into their garden, and walk toward their house while chanting, at ever increasing volumes, "We do beg your pardon, but we are in your garden," until caught - at which point they would have to escape by vaulting over the fences of neighbouring gardens. Other games he and his mates played as children supposedly included taking fruit from a fruit vendor's wagon, throwing it in the air, and letting it land on their heads. [[spoiler:And once again, every word is true.]]

'''Lee''': … I think that's the most wonderful way anyone has said "lie" on this show.

* In the 'This is my' round, Gaby Roslin's story is that the female guest is a friend of hers, which fell down a manhole and she was unable to help her for laughing to hard.
When it's time for the decision:
-->'''Jack Dee:''' I think Gabby knows Georgie, this is my instinct\\
'''David:''' Year, I think we are going manhole - [checking with Tinchy strider] manhole? \\
'''Jack Dee:''' ''Let's call her Gabby

** The panelists end up in a bit of a tangent about the cast of ''Rainbow'', which brings us to this gem. It's David's outrage that sells it.

** Bill (and the other panelists) misunderstand Rob's question of whether or not Freddy "cupped" Bill to drag him to shore.