History Funny / WildWildWest

--->'''Loveless:''' Well, I'll be a ''monkey's uncle''. How did we arrive in this ''dark'' situation?\\

--->'''Loveless:''' Well, Mr. West. How did we get in suck a ''dark'' situation?\\
'''West:''' I don't know. I'm just as ''stumped'' as you are.

-->'''Gordon:''' Which is not to say Rita doesn't possess a beauty worthy of a Shakespeare sonnet or a Botticelli painting. My god, the curvature of her buttocks and the swell of that magnificent bosom. So full, so sumptous, so... ''[turns and notices Rita]'' ...what were all those foreign ministers doing at Loveless' party? This is what ''really'' puzzles me, did you have any idea there were so many, so ''foreign'', so... ''[quietly to West]'' How long has she been here?

* Like so:
-->'''West''': ''(regarding Rita)'' [[DistractedByTheSexy I told you she'd be a distraction.]]
-->'''Gordon''': She's not a distraction. It's nice having her on board, she's a breath of [[FreudianSlip fresh ass]].
-->'''West''': ''({{beat}})'' Pardon me?
-->'''Gordon''': What?
-->'''West''': You said "ass."
-->'''Gordon''': No I didn't; I said "It's nice having her on board, she's a [[FreudianSlipperySlope breast of fresh air.]]"
-->'''West''': ''({{beat}})'' [[DeadpanSnarker ... let's just get some shutass]].

* Gordon enthusiastically discussing Rita's "assets", [[RightBehindMe unaware that she has just dropped in through the train's roof and is listening to his every word.]]
-->'''Gordon:''' Which is not to say Rita doesn't possess a beauty worthy of a Shakespeare sonnet or a Botticelli painting. My god, the curvature of her buttocks and the swell of that magnificent bosom. So full, so sumptous, so... ''[turns and notices Rita]'' ...what were all those foreign ministers doing at Loveless' party? This is what ''really'' puzzles me, did you have any idea there were so many, so ''foreign'', so... ''[quietly to West]'' How long has she been here?
-->'''West:''' Somewhere around "Botticelli's buttocks".

* The absolutely unforgettable pinnacle of RefugeInAudacity: the scene of SnarkToSnarkCombat between Loveless and West, which is nothing but a HurricaneOfPuns of them insulting one another--Loveless insulting West for being a black man, West insulting Loveless for being without the lower half of his body. It has to be seen to truly be believed.

-->'''West''': I didn't think so. So come on y'all, let's get back inside! Get ourselves some grub, kick this shindig off the right way, c'mon, let's -- ''[indicating noose]'' -- come on, put this -- this thing away...

-->'''West''': ''... Africa'', we use drums to communicate between villages. And as you can see by this gal, we could communicate all the way to Baton Rouge. Hell, on a clear night, we might even get Galveston! All I was saying to the gal, was... "Hi... how you doing, my name's Jim... how's your momma..." Then there was that whole "redneck" comment. And I get the feeling y'all took that negatively. But let's break down that word, "redneck": First word, ''red''. Color of passion, fire, power. Second word, neck... ''neck''...

-->'''West''': ... okay, I can't think of anything for neck right now, but without it y'all still got red, and that's something to be proud of. And to be honest -- the whole slavery thing -- I don't know what the big deal is anyway. I mean -- ''[points at random southerner]'' -- are you really gonna get your big fat ass up out of bed and pick your own damn cotton?

-->'''West''': I didn't think so. So come on y'all, let's back inside! Get ourselves some grub, kick this shindig off the right way, c'mon, let's -- ''[indicating noose]'' -- come on, put this -- this thing away...

'''Jim''': ''(wiggles boot-blade around threateningly)''

* When the girl at the beginning shoves West's underwear in a knothole and West says "Now hold in there Belle, [[DoubleEntendre you can't just go ramming a man's personal things into some hole like that!]]"

-->'''West''':(slave voice) Oh yes, Massa Gordon, dats what I'll do. And I'll jus' smile and do as I's tole so those people won' ever know (normal voice) that I would rather shoot myself in the head than play your god damned man servant!

-->'''Gordon''': ... oh look. My auxiliary toolkit. I'd forgotten all about it, it must've slipped out of my [[BrickJoke pocket]].

-->'''Gordon''': ... that's the first place Loveless would've looked.

* When the girl at the beginning shoves West's underwear in a knothole and West says "What are you doing? [[DoubleEntendre You can't just go ramming a man's personal things into some hole like that!]]"

-->'''West''': President went to West Point. That says Harvard.